“Who Left All These Feelings in This Friendship?”: The Memoir of a Baby Queer -The Toast

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Chapter 1: It suddenly occurs to me your hair is captivating.

Chapter 2: 14 hours a day together: A user’s guide.

Chapter 3: It suddenly occurs to me your butt is captivating in those jeans. Also always.

Chapter 4: 27 things I know about your boyfriend despite never having met him.

Chapter 5: The art of appearing nonchalant about a truth or dare kiss.

Chapter 6: A joke about us dating that’s funny and definitely not at all crushingly confusing.

Chapter 7: “Oh we’re holding hands? I am so casual about that I hadn’t even been paying attention or noticed at all. It was definitely you that intertwined our fingers though. I remember, even though as previously stated, I haven’t been paying attention”

Chapter 8: “Is this flirting?”: The most frustrating flowchart.

Chapter 9: Do I want to make out with you? That’s only the 14th time I’ve asked myself that today, so probably not.

Chapter 10: I don’t have feelings for you, I have feelings about you.

Chapter 11: I heard you kissed another girl. Sounds fun! On an unrelated note my allergies have been acting up so my eyes may be watering while we discuss it.

Chapter 12: An analytic rubric for your comments regarding the attractiveness of that female celebrity.

Chapter 13: It would not hold up in court that this amount of physical contact was accidental.

Chapter 14: Cuddling in beds with…friends(?)

Chapter 15: Everyone thinks we’re dating because we’re wearing each others shirts and having sleepovers. Crazy, right?

Chapter 16: Really difficult conversations held exclusively in front of waitstaff.

Epilogue: “Hey it’s been awhile let’s grab a drink” : Flashcards for successful small talk.


Erin Ober and Amy Sweeny are complete amateurs residing in Washington, D.C.-ish. Their skills include endless supplies of cat jokes, being 'those guys' on the e-mail thread, and, for a brief period in 2014, controlling the weather.

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