Movies that were simply excellent:
Chef
Enough Said
X Men: Days of Future Past
The Purge 2: Anarchy
Captain America 2: The Winter Soldier
The Equalizer
The movie I unexpectedly LOVED and feel a bit guilty about loving because UGH:
Neighbors
Movies that made me think NOPE:
Ted
The Incredible Burt Wonderstone
The movie I watched on a cross-country flight that was mediocre but still really compelling because I was a captive audience:
Need for Speed
The movie I was asked to watch and then I put it off and then I finally got around to it and 200% loved it even though the director and quite a lot of the movie were deeply problematic and also the movie I most want to talk about with people:
Nymphomaniac Parts 1 and 2
The movies that demonstrate how men of any age in Hollywood will get key roles in feature films,, often defying credulity:
Last Vegas
Escape Plan
Non-Stop
3 Days to Kill
The movie that was very good and made me laugh my ass off even though the lead often says sexist things that are not nearly as funny as he thinks and I must admit he seems like a hard worker so I guess it is okay:
Ride Along
The movie that made me shake my head sadly because it reinforced so many damaging messages for women even though by the end, it tried to subvert some of those messages but not hard enough:
Baggage Claim
The movie with a gratuitous probably rape scene that was also terrible in every other respect:
300: The Rise of the 300
The “white man’s burden” movie that was very, very long and inaccurate but probably based on fiction so what is inaccuracy, anyway:
Noah
The movies I know by heart that I watched every time I saw them on the TV Guide:
Armageddon
Bad Boys II (YOUNG THUNDERCAT)
The movie I didn’t really like except for the first twenty minutes that were amazing that I saw four times including once in a hotel, where I paid $17.99 even though I had already seen the movie because I was kind of sad and I wanted to make myself sadder:
Godzilla
The movie that bored me beyond belief:
American Hustle
Pretty boys, stupid movie:
Jack Ryan, Shadow Agent
That Awkward Moment
The movie that tried too hard because the source material is absolutely brilliant and a lot to live up to:
August: Osage County
The movie I went and saw even though I KNEW better and was still stunned by it’s blatant misogyny, particularly when it came to the word “bitch.”
Transformers 4
Movies I noted watching but remember nothing about:
Fire With Fire
Redemption
You’re Next
Enders Game
The movie from the book that was a key part of my adolescent reading that was a hot ass mess but bless Lifetime’s heart for trying:
Flowers in the Attic
The movie with a “message” that simply was not very memorable or interesting but clearly meant well:
Promised Land
Movies I showed my students because they were relevant to the course material but also because I was tired that day:
The FIfth Estate
We Steal Secrets
Tags: everyone should see chef, how do i write a movie because i am willing to learn, movies are awesome, why do some movies get made
But… but… You’re Next involves a character I refuse to call anything but Crossbow Sheep!
I was surprised by how much I enjoyed You’re Next. I’m not one for horror/gore movies in general, but it was just so gleefully batshit that I couldn’t help loving it.
Same! It didn’t even PRETEND it was trying to make any sense, plus that part with the blender..! I almost never go for “humorous” violence in movies but that one made me laugh.
“I want to do it here next to your mother’s corpse.”
Also, the scene where she’s walking through the dark and sets the camera flash to go off in intervals so she can get the upper hand on the bad guys. Sharni Vinson was awesome in that. Fun stuff.
Movies I showed my students because they were relevant to the course material but also because I was tired that day
For me, this was always an episode of Tiny Toon Adventures and the episode of How The Earth Was Made about New York, since my thesis advisor featured heavily in it.
I loved Godzilla, but I really like a) kaiju and b) Godzilla films in general, but I also saw it on an airplane so that may have forced me to like it more.
Yeah I’m surprised she disliked Godzilla! I thought it was fun and kinda unexpectedly good!
I LOVED Godzilla, unabashedly.
Avoided August: Osage County because damn, that was a one hell of a play, and translating to film was an A+ challenge that I did not want to see the result of.
Avoided Chef due to potential for white-savior-ism but would love to hear that that wasn’t the case, truly.
Super dug both X-Men and Captain America, will watch again
I got glared at by a bunch of strangers at X-Men: Days of Future Past because I could not stop myself from blurting out “JUST KISS ALREADY” during the scene where Erik and Charles are fighting in the airplane.
“YOU ABANDONED ME!!!”
“YOU ABANDONED ME!!!”
Seriously guys, some sloppy makeouts will help with your manpain. Would I lie to you?
You are so, so correct on this.
Yeah, that was definitely a conversation two people who are only friends would have, for sure, no other possible interpretation.
Oh god, I watched that entire movie thinking about nothing but Erik/Charles overtones. I don’t know if it’s because I had read too much on here by Mallory or what but those thoughts made the movie so much better.
On that note (enjoying movies because of jokes here on the Toast) did anyone else enjoy the fact that Thranduil rolls into the third Hobbit on the largest stag possible?!?
The bit where the stag picks up like six guys on its horns was my favourite. Made the whole movie worth it.
Thranduil really makes all those movies. Largest stag possible. Rides a stag! Some kind of sword whatever. Fabulousness!
I definitely didn’t see Chef as a white savior story, and really loved it. (That is not to say it didn’t have problems — all the female characters were ridiculously flat — but it was worth watching, I think.)
Based on this list, I would really recommend watching Edge of Tomorrow on a plane.
I just did this a couple weeks ago on my way back from Europe. Highly recommend.
I would recommend Edge of Tomorrow literally any time though.
I watched it on the boat crossing the Channel – it was ace.
I am happy to report that most of the movies I saw this year, I loved unabashedly. Big Hero 6? Awesome. Mockingjay? Awesome. The Battle of Five Armies. . . .
. . . Ridiculous, but I am HERE for this:
and this:
and this fabulousness.
Oh man, I could watch Lee Pace-as-Thranduil GIFs all day, perpetually starry-eyed.
If I had found a .gif with that precious little smirk he gives after Dain yells about splitting his pretty face!! Everything he does is magic.
A++ to all of this. Can I just say, that although I recognize we’re all supposed to love Lee Pace and The Eyebrows of Greatness ™, who on Cthulhu’s green earth told him that was how you wield a sword???? Fabulosity? He’s got it! Ability to even hold a weapon without the audience worrying about him injuring himself? Not so much.
Magic. He’s got magic. Whatever. I don’t care how swords are supposed to work, as long as he looks fabulous by doing it.
Thorin Oakenshield, the moody petulant dwarf boyfriend we all regret having.
Seconding the love for Big Hero 6. I cried multiple times.
Cried and laughed. What a totally fantastic movie.
How could any of us forget Legolas and his puffy face of youth?
SAFE SPACE TO LIKE LARS VON TRIER MOVIES RIGHT HERE LADIES STEP RIGHT UP GO AHEAD AND CROWD IN ALL AT ONCE
I love Dogville and Melancholia, even though I doubt I could stand being in a room with the man.
I liked Melancholia more than I thought I would, and that was a) some of the visuals and b) the performances by Kirsten and Charlotte.
I still like Dancer in the Dark, too.
Also Keifer Sutherland doing his best non-Jack Bauer in ages in the second half.
Right? It was nice to see him do something without the usual ‘tics’ as I think of them. And just being so quiet in general.
Oh god right there with you on Nymphomaniac!! I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it and it’s killing me. That scene with Uma Thurman in part 1 will follow me to the grave.
Aw man. Enough Said was a great movie. Fucking hell, James Gandolfini. You were one of the good ones.
Neighbors: did it have a lot of problems? Yes. Did I cheer out loud in the theatre when the “wife” character said something along the lines of, “why can’t I be the slobby, irresponsible Kevin Smith character?” Also yes. Was Dave Franco super cute? Third yes.
I still don’t feel like I can recommend it to people because there was a lot wrong with it, though. Mostly thanks to that weird Mark Wahlburg lookalike character.
This was such a meh year for movies for me, but I did see Book of Life on Christmas with my parents and it was so nice.
I haven’t seen Neighbors, but I would just like to throw in my general support for the hot Franco.
Book of Life was EXCELLENT. I can’t wait for that to come out on DVD because I want to watch it over and over again.
So GORGEOUS, so cute, so open to potential polyamory
If you just ignore the wedding at the end, it was 100% a polyamory tale!
The marriage was totally just to please Maria’s dad, none of the trio seemed really wedded to the idea. (ohmygodimsosorry)
Yes! My wife is a Spanish teacher and also can’t wait for the DVD so she can show it in class.
I’m glad to hear someone else was bored to death by American Hustle. I was reviewing films for a local weekly when it came out and my review was basically MEH but it seemed like everyone was all about it. Great hair/clothes, boring-ass movie.
Also I loved The Purge 2, although I still think it should have been subtitled The Purgening.
Purgin’ 2: Electric Purgealoo
Totally agree. I have a theory that actually being alive for the 70s made you a lot more likely to love the movie, based entirely on my experience of watching it with my parents and boyfriend (they were like “THIS IS HOW THE 70s WERE WOW YAY” and boyfriend and I were like “this is boring and Jeremy Renner looks weird”).
I have not yet seen The Purge 2 but have a strong desire to watch it solely on account of how it stars Matt Saracen from Friday Night Lights and he is a perfect human.
In fairness to Jeremy Renner, everybody looked weird in the ’70s. This is not mere hindsight; we all knew it at the time, and yet we somehow could not stop ourselves. Living in the ’70s felt like standing on the edge of a nightmarishly tall cliff and being unable to resist the sickening impulse to leap off, except the impact at the bottom was made of greasy suburban Afros and horrible sweatbaggy polyester clothing. The entire decade was covered with a sticky, yellowish layer of cigarette tar and marijuana residue. Your parents’ ’70s nostalgia is a form of Stockholm Syndrome. Try to be understanding. It is their way of coping. At the time, there was no escape. Some days you just woke up and discovered that another member of your family had sprouted a vast Freddy Mercury mustache. Nobody knew why.
I am anti-American Hustle aside from Jeremy Renner’s sad face, Jeremy Renner’s hair, and Louis CK, generally. The aesthetic is strong, but that only goes so far when there isn’t anything else outstanding about it (aside from aforementioned sad face, hair, and comedian playing at least a little bit against type).
On the other hand, “why did you put metal in the science oven?” has become a catchphrase in my house.
“Is there another fire?” is the line of that movie. That was the perfect timed line from that little kid.
I didn’t love American Hustle but I do love referring to the microwave as the “science oven.” My housemate almost put tinfoil in ours (what do they teach young Germans, honestly) and it took a lot to not say “don’t put metal in the science oven!” because I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t get it.
American Hustle was one of those movies that I thought would be visually appealing, have decent dialogue, and brisk enough pacing to enjoy with some wine and popcorn. I did not get what I signed up for; I have never been accused of being a neat-freak, but 20 minutes in I had already lost plot lines because it was so boring that I had unconsciously begun to tidy up the livingroom.
Movies that were excellent but made me long for the crushing embrace of the eternal void, and also reinforced my hunch that I would do terribly in an apocalypse situation: Snowpiercer
the boys of That Awkward Moment when are just so pretty though..
I always have a hard time expressing how excited I am for Flowers in the Attic to pop back onto the scene.
Movie I unexpectedly loved: Begin Again. Movie where I had to suspend reality to believe that Jon Favreau (a schlub of a man who’s an asshole to his son at the start) can get with both Scarlett Johansson and Sofia Vergara: Chef. Chef is dude-lit, it’s man-candy.
Yeah, I kinda hated Chef, largely for that reason. Also for portraying the culinary world in that rapturous completely soft-focus idealized way that indicates that no one involved has ever actually worked in a restaurant. It’s not so much a movie about food as a movie about “foodies”–people who are really, really proud of themselves for having such excellent taste and the means to indulge it. Okay, I guess I really hated Chef.
But I also unexpectedly loved Begin Again, A++ movie to watch on a plane and be utterly charmed by, despite Keira Knightley and all her attendant issues.
I agree re Chef and the father/son relationship. That scene with the grilled cheese and his son. Just make the effin sandwich already, Jesus. Just feed the child. Why does it always (always!) have to be a big thing? It reminds me of, years ago, when Terri Gross did an interview with newly famous Louis CK (who I love anyway) and he was telling her how big of a role he had in the raising of his girls after his divorce. Like, he fed them breakfast, clothed them, got their assignments together, got them out the door every morning that he had them. And there was dead space as a response from Terri. Like, yes. That’s interesting. It was pretty rad and she’s naturally a hero. Just parent, for crap’s sake. Do it. It’s your job as a father. I mean, I know he’s a chef with the grilled cheese and all, but for real.
Anyway, my husband and I have had long discussions about this movie. He loved it and I wasn’t exactly mad, but just annoyed. How many times does John Leguizamo have to save a movie, too? Every time? He needs to be in better things more frequently.
All of this rant was written with the utmost respect for Ms. Gay. That movie just pushed some buttons.
Only Lovers Left Alive, for best line ever: “just goes to show, we don’t know shit about fungi.” Also SWINTON.
Also GRATUITOUS TOM HIDDLESTON NUDITY/SHIRTLESSNESS.
“Well, that was visual.”
YES and YES to your categorization of Baggage Claim and Flowers in the Attic! Also, did you catch Lifetime’s Flowers in the Attic sequel? I can’t recall the name, but it was awesomely terrible fun!
August: Osage County was the most depressing film ever and I’m surprised there was any scenery left after Meryl Streep was done chewing it. Its only hope for redemption was that it let me gaze upon Benedict Cumberbatch, and even that wasn’t enough to keep me from regretting spending two hours of my life in that manner. I’d actually sit through Interstellar again before I’d watch A:OC again, and Interstellar was insanely bad.
WASN’T CAP 2 AMAZING? It had so much of everything I want in a superhero film: diversity, values focused instead of cool powers focused, grimness lightened by kindness, female characters who showed emotion and also hurt people and created institutions and used their brains, HUMOR that ranged from silly to dorky to realistic, etc, etc, ugh.
And yes, American Hustle was boring and Baggage Claim needed a feminist makeover bc it wasted so much talent and potential fun.
WASN'T CAP 2 AMAZING? It had so much of everything I want in a superhero film: diversity, values focused instead of cool powers focused, grimness lightened by kindness, female characters who showed emotion and also hurt people and created institutions and used their brains, HUMOR that ranged from silly to dorky to realistic, etc, etc, ugh.
And yes, American Hustle was boring and Baggage Claim needed a feminist makeover bc it wasted so much talent and potential fun.
The voice was great, and I agree about the monster parts in general feeling less visceral. But man, from that early scene with the son's hand around her neck in his sleep, on to him screaming in the back of the car after being taken away from the jungle gym, and basically everything else with their relationship, I was so deeply unsettled.