Climate change denier literotica
A fake LinkedIn profile for Joffrey Baratheon
More than 41 Google image results for “Dick Cheney liver spots”
A Nancy Grace Spotify playlist
A Wikipedia article subsection called “Veronica’s Closet: Racial tensions”
The Twitter username @WontWheaton
Season 3 of Wings
A Flickr album of dry cleaner receipts from all 50 states
CreationistMingle.com
Kinder, an orphan adoption app
Brian Williams news podcasts laid over dubstep
A funeral home website with a “Like us on Facebook!” button
Styrofoam the musical
“Google Craps” (an interactive map of public toilets)
A Men’s Rights Activists discount code for Warby Parker
1.5 star Amazon reviews of diabetic socks
Art made from hickeys
spiderbite fetish communities
A Kickstarter for My Little Pony Fleshlights
r/cars2
Every still frame of Flo from Progressive commercials dot tumblr dot com
A BuzzFeed list of all 99 Iowa counties, ranked
“LeftoverRightOver” — a location-based app to trade whatever leftover dinner you still have with people in your area
More than 3 radial tire conspiracy theories
Any YouTube result for “2 Chainz of Castamere”
ChubHub: an online marketplace to sell, buy, and trade dick pics
An interactive Rush Limbaugh mobile app of any kind
A “Good Morning, Miss Bliss” neck tattoo
The AARP on Instagram
Full House fanfic where Stephanie Tanner gets shingles and gives it to someone else in a misguided “give a penny, take a penny” morality lesson
witheredhotdogs.net
Tags: horrors, humor, matt morain, the internet
My entire takeaway from this was, “Seriously, Iowa has 99 counties?” That seems excessively high.
It makes even less sense when you look at a map. It’s like they just felt they had to have counties, like, I dunno, maybe just overlay some graph paper? That’s probably a good enough way to make counties, sure.
Not a million miles off, actually.
(MrChouffe works in title and deed research and hates when he has to deal with Pennsylvania, which is a lot of “begin at the large rock, thence proceed fifty paces west to the oak tree, thence north to the creek,” which worked great in 1780 but isn’t as useful now. The Jefferson Survey makes his work SO much easier.)
IIRC (having grown up in Iowa) I think it was something of a point of pride to have that many. I still know that Lee County is the pointy one on the bottom.
Sadly, if you control for surface area, Iowa is only ranked #13 of 50 in number of counties per square kilometer. The top five are Rhode Island, Virginia (counting independent cities), Kentucky, Georgia, and Indiana.
I love that someone has worked this out.
The idea was that one should be able to leave one’s farm at the county line at dawn, travel by horse and buggy to the county seat, conduct one’s business at the courthouse, and still get home in time for evening chores.
That is a perfectly logical reason. No, really.
If I recall from my elementary school State History requirement, there used to be an even 100 (in a nice grid too) but then Kossuth County had to go and grab the one next to it, and now it’s a big rectangle in the top right corner taking up two spaces.
Also I have traversed just enough of Iowa to know that 75% of its area is interchangeable rolling hills and charming tiny towns. Sometimes people ask me “you’re from Iowa? My aunt lives in West Melba, have you been?” Nah but I’m pretty sure I can accurately picture it without ever having to go.
*I made up the town name but there are way sillier ones all over the midwest.
My immediate reaction to this is “I got 99 counties” and then… silence.
Raygun, an Iowa-centric shirt store based out of Des Moines, totally has that phrase in shirt form!
Side note: I got my very favorite shirt at Raygun–it lists all the UNESCO Cities of Literature (7 when I got it, I think there are 8 now?) including Iowa City, the only city of lit North America.
I have so goddamn many of those shirts. I don’t even live in Des Moines any more but people keep seeing them and giving them to me.
I applied for a job at a funeral home which I did not get and they had not only a Like Us On Facebook button but Twitter as well. YEP.
I once checked in at a funeral home on Foursquare (it was a big procession and it took 30 minutes to get out of the parking lot, I had time to, ah, kill) and Foursquare was weirdly enthusiastic about it. I think it high-fived me.
My hometown funeral homes have Facebook pages that I check not infrequently to read obits.
Say what you will, but I would follow the shit out of @wontwheaton.
Which in fact DOESN’T exist yet. I am surprised. I will be more surprised, however, if it doesn’t exist by the end of the day.
it does now! (I didn’t make it but I just checked and someone did!)
I was wondering.
Of course, I have followed it…
ChubHub! LeftoverRightOver! Kinder!
sheer genius.
ChubHub IS genius, but it also makes me think of the Google-analogous search engine company on The Good Wife, which is called ChumHum.
“A Kickstarter for My Little Pony fleshlights”
I am so, so, so angry that you put this thought anywhere near the vicinity of my brain oh my god why
Well, Avatar fleshlights totally do exist, so it’s plausible
Somewhere, a Brony doesn’t know whether to be excited or revolted.
They already exist; no need to kickstarter them.
Leftover swap is totes a thing.
Kinder reminds me of the time I decided I wanted to create CatRoulette, which would be ChatRoulette but with cats. But I googled it and it was already a super depressing cat adoption website where it would show you a sad homeless cat and tell you how many times it had been nexted.
Good lord that is HORRIFYING. Poor kittens.
Wow I would end up with an alarming number of cats if I went to there
I am going to not do that for, like, health and safety reasons
NGL, I would listen to Brian Williams newscasts over dubstep. But then, I am on the record as having questionable musical taste. (And questionable taste in newscasters?)
I am right there with you. that and “2 Chainz of Castamere” sound pretty amazing.
My most favorite YouTube hobby – even more than watching everything the Ukulele Orchestra of Great Britain posts, over and over again – is to watch Jimmy Fallon’s videos of Brian Williams “rapping.”
When I was little, my sister had to go to the bathroom all the damn time when we were on vacation. After a particularly stop heavy trip to San Francisco, my father jokingly suggested that we write reviews and rankings for all the bathrooms my sister had to visit.
We would have been YEARS before our time with that.
And ANY pregnant woman would thank you profusely. I swear, between the first 4 months puking, and the next 5 with a large object sitting on my bladder, I know where EVERY bathroom is at every shopping mall or university in a 3 state radius.
Seriously. Reading this thing and getting to “‘Google Craps’ (an interactive map of public toilets)” my first thought was: I actually hope that IS on the internet somewhere, could be excessively useful.
There is Refuge Restrooms which is an open-source, crowd-sourced list of safe bathrooms for trans folks.
My mother complains that guidebooks don’t mention public toilets often enough. It would be so useful!
Well, they’ll all be on the Internet NOW, Matt.
There is no need for a kickstarter because (according to google) my little pony fleshlights are already a thing.
I wonder if Hasbro will sue.
I also wonder if they are… accurate. I am inclined to order one just to ask a friendly veterinarian whether it is anatomically accurate with regards to actual, you know, ponies (he’s already used to me asking fucked up things every now and then)
Stop the world, I want to get off.
edit: NO, SHIT, THAT’S BAD PHRASING HERE
I give up. I’m done.
i wouldn’t be surprised if it’s 100% accurate. people take their mythical creature sex toys very seriously. (yes. i spend a fair amount of time in the darker corners of the internet.)
Well, Hasbro DID sue over the full-sized pony sex doll, so chances are yeah.
LIMITED EDITION PONY FUCKTOYS
(quick someone bring the brain bleach)
The AARP Instagram account is actually great. All old family photos and a mini-documentary about becoming a Santa Claus.
Matt is trying to get us all in on the ground floor. We’ll be rich!
ALL of the seasons of Wings are on Netflix, rightfully so.
About that My Little Pony fleshlight: http://www.refinery29.com/2015/01/81344/my-little…
Thank you, Toast, for letting me know that a fleshlight is a thing.
Gotta learn something new every day, I always say!
I would be into at least half of these. Let me know if CreationistMingle is a real thing already and I will have a fake profile up by tomorrow.
Iowa has Winnesheik County and 98 other, lesser, counties lacking in Nordic Fest, the eagle cam, and the Whippy Dip.
(I probably just identified myself to anybody on here who knows me irl.)
Does anyone else feel that we, as a community, have just been challenged to go forth and find links to these?
I think we’ve been challenged to be the links we wish to see in the world.
A tech nerd guy I know is currently working on a public toilet interactive map app. He is, of course, from San Francisco.
I’m 99% certain this exists already……
It definitely does, in several forms. It’s very useful for the pregnant and people with illnesses/disabilities that affect their bowels (which is quite a lot of conditions!)
…but I LIKE Warby Parker 🙁 🙁 🙁
Iowa may have 99 counties,but do they have their own SONG about their counties, like Virginia does? What? no? Please enjoy Eddie From Ohio’s “Old Dominion”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iX_gohex-ZM
A Southern thing? SC does, too– which I still remember from 5th grade: http://youtu.be/Q6Kyl-l_RR4.
If Google Craps turns out to be a real thing, will someone please tell me? I’ve honestly looked for that app. I drink a lot of water, I have anxiety, and I like to know where my closest escape is.
There are apps like “Toilet Finder”, I think. At least, that’s the name of the one I have on my Android phone. But to be honest, I’ve never used it successfully, so I can’t testify to its helpfulness.
Hickey art, maybe? – http://www.ediblegeography.com/cake-bruise/
I didn’t actually know what a fleshlight was. And now I do, and I’m really regretting it.
Saw hickey art on tumblr just this morning, actually.
There have been a fair number of bathroom mapping websites/apps/guides for safe restrooms for trans/gender non-conforming people over the years. Nothing with a lot of staying power sadly. If google were to throw money behind it though…
Wait, is Stephanie Tanner actually Typhoid Mary? Was Full House a performance piece about the dangers of procreation?
Well, definitely yes to the latter. Between Stephanie and Michelle Tanner and Kimmy Gibbler, that show is a powerful argument for prophylactics.
Well, definitely yes to the latter. Between Stephanie and Michelle Tanner and Kimmy Gibbler, that show is a powerful argument for prophylactics.
Wait, LeftOverRightOver sounds… like it could maybe be real? Someone must have thought of this, right?
(…searching…)
Yup, it’s real.
Wow I would end up with an alarming number of cats if I went to there
I am going to not do that for, like, health and safety reasons
Well, Hasbro DID sue over the full-sized pony sex doll, so chances are yeah.
LIMITED EDITION PONY FUCKTOYS
(quick someone bring the brain bleach)
some of these are really just excellent ideas that humanity needs.
Rule 34 covers a lot of these. But I’m not going to Google and confirm that.