Previously by Summer Block: Herodotus Writes a History of the 20th Century
Ode on an Abandoned Shopping Mall
Thou still and slumbering pleasure palace,
Where thousands didst once gladly gather
Sheltered from the wind and weather
To buy a sweatshirt and a copy of Vs. on cassette.
Ferns, once tenderly potted, now riotously clamor o’er the escalator;
Proud skylights, cracked and battered, survey a vanished world.
What benches, where fathers once would rest?
What play areas, filth-encrusted?
What atriums? What corridors
Where seniors wouldst early stride between the Hallmark and the Ladies Foot Locker?
O what voices haunt these most mournful ruins!
Where chained to a kiosk rudely overturn’d
Ghostly vendors still accost to ask if they might buff your nails.
And echoing o’er the cracked tile, the clunking whine of a Weazel Ball
Caged before the Kay-Bee Toys, forever tumbling.
O Weazel Ball, tumble on! Bold weasel, never canst thou clasp thy prize!
How many maidens newly blossomed did pierce their ears at Claire’s?
How many mothers proudly pose their babes at this Glamour Shots,
Placing that which they most loved into a novelty flowerpot?
How many boys thus handled did later gather at The Bath and Body Store
to buy gifts for Mothers’ Day?
Ah, happy food court! Peaceful kingdom!
Is it possible that all these tables now are empty
Where once families did jostle for a feasting place?
Thy riches, a king’s banquet splendor,
Where the commonest man might mightily sup.
Surf City Squeeze, proud progenitor of our cleansing juices,
What barbarous youths, smoothie-maddened, didst tag thy roll-down doors?
Shouldst ANARCHY FUCKFACE now deface thy resting place?
As chow mein might rest beside a corn dog on one edacious tray,
Mongolian Barbecue now rests beside the Cinnabon to spend eternity.
Proud Agora, thou wert an Olympus!
Where Apollo might with his Muses recline at Suncoast Video.
Now proud Athena’s wisdom lies in the B. Dalton ensepulchred.
Oh wicked generation that should abandon you!
Your ungrateful acolytes, nursed from Stride Rite to Wet Seal.
When online shopping shall this generation spoil,
Thou shalt remain, an ageless marketplace,
A friend to man, to whom thou say’st,
“Commerce is culture, culture commerce, – that is all
Ye know on earth, and all ye need to know.”
About the Illustrator: Shing Yin Khor is a cartoonist and sculptor living in Los Angeles, by way of Malacca, Malaysia. Her previous work for The Toast can be found here.
Tags: a thing of beauty is a joy forever, i know that’s a different keats poem guys but it fits this piece so perfectly, poetry, shing yin khor, sorry not sorry keats, summer block
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I wept.
I live in the land of the abandoned (or nigh-abandoned) mall and this is beautiful.
I live in the land of the abandoned (or nigh-abandoned) mall and this is beautiful.
I haven’t read this article. I’m just posting because I can’t figure out where to go to contact the site owner about the video advertisement that the page keeps going to no matter what I do. I can’t read any of the articles. Even this is a seizure strobe light effect because for each character I type it flickers between this and the stupid advertisement video.
This isn’t the only site this happens with. But the other one doesn’t even have comments function. So, site feedback. Hopefully they’ll be able to fix it. Until then, your site isn’t readable.
Evidently it does stop after about a minute. I guess the video has to play. Not cool though to have your site hijacked like that by your advertisers.
<3 weasel-ball illustration
1) So sorry about that! We’ve been working hard to try and kill auto-play ads, but some still slip through the filters we’ve set up. It we get a screenshot of the ad + the clickthrough URL we can block it. I realize that’s annoying to have to do that, so don’t feel like you have to. It’ll just help us kill them if some people do when they spot them.
2) All our email addresses are over on the sidebar, should you ever need to contact us in the future!
Top-shelf hilarity.
where are American zombies supposed to head once all the malls are dead?
…unless they’re all going to be sitting very very still trying to type at disconnected keyboards.
I never thought I’d get verklempt over the mall of my childhood (now torn down to become…another mall), but there you go. Well done.
I live in the land of the abandoned (or nigh-abandoned) mall and this is beautiful.
I live in the land of the abandoned (or nigh-abandoned) mall and this is beautiful.