Prospective Titles For My Daughter’s Tell-All Memoir -The Toast

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1. My First Rattle Was an Improperly-Sealed Bottle of Prenatal Vitamins

2. Misandry Began At Home

3. I Am Not One Of Your Commenters

4. No One Provided Me With An Adequate Explanation of the Difference Between Crocodiles and Alligators

5. So Few Barbies, So Many Gay Penguins

6. I Did Not Need To Know That My Parents Fucked On Their First Real Date

7. Mommy, Please Put Down Your Phone

8. Sometimes I Wanted To Have Feelings Without Processing Them With an Adult

9. I Was Popular In High School, And My Mom Didn’t Know What To Do With That

10. I Never Liked The Eagles

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