Recently I noticed Facebook changed one of its event RSVP options from “Not going” to “Can’t go.” The former is acceptably vague and provokes no questioning as to the why of the no. The latter suggests that you would if you could, and that is utter horseshit. But if they’re going to make that suggestion for us, I’d rather they go all out, so here are my ideas.
Going
Maybe
Can’t go
Won’t go
Why would you think I’d enjoy this?
What in our decade of friendship would suggest that I’d like to be part of an EDM flashmob?
I’m free all week but this sounds awful.
I don’t even know what “Steampunk Monopoly Night” means.
You haven’t said if there will be food.
I would go if this started at 7pm and not 10pm.
Are we talking raw-vegetables-and-dip food or actual food?
Will go only if you can guarantee he won’t be there.
Why does this group have like four events per week?
You’re going to judge me if I don’t come, aren’t you?
I DON’T EVEN LIVE IN THIS CITY.
YOU DON’T EVEN LIVE IN THIS CITY.
I’m saying yes only to see who posts here but really I’ll text you an hour before saying I can’t make it.
I’m saying yes only to see who posts here but I’m not coming and I’m not going to text you, either.
I’m not responding but really I’ll text you an hour before saying I’m coming and is it cool if I bring six friends to your apartment?
😐
Tags: facebook, i cannot keep going to birthday parties that start at 10pm, rsvp, too old for theme nights
You invited literally 600 people to your dive-bar gig, obviously I’m not turning up.
I had a former classmate from HS who was CONSTANTLY inviting me to his band’s gigs, despite the fact that we live in different states. Apparently at some point FB tried to stop him, and he posted something bitching about it, and I was like “no, this is good.” I wish you could set FB up to auto-decline events that were more than X miles away (but then I might have missed my HS reunion, since the whole thing was organized via FB).
I think you can stop certain people from sending you further event invites, which I also had to do with a former classmate and his band’s gigs.
I get invites like that all the time, and I live on another continent from most of them….
All of these, plus:
I’ll say I’m coming but only so I can see who else is and not show if it’s all strangers.
I would go if this started at 7pm and not 10pm.
UGH, THIS. I really enjoy your band and I like seeing you guys play but YOU’RE GOING ON AT 10 PM (maybe) AND IT’S DOWNTOWN, NOT GONNA HAPPEN.
Usually on a Wednesday or something too. SORRY I HAVE WORK IN THE MORNING. I WILL ALWAYS HAVE WORK IN THE MORNING M-F.
I AM OLD AND GET TIRED EASILY AND ALSO HATE LEAVING MY HOUSE WHY IS THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND
Ten years ago I got so much shit for being the person who declined to go to events that were notoriously poorly scheduled (Event Promoter: “Well, there aren’t many people here yet, so we’ll push back the first guy until people start showing up”), especially if they were on weeknights. And now I bask in the warm glow of everyone else having gotten Old and Easily Tired. We never go out and it’s the best.
I am my group of friends’ Notorious Homebody/Early Sleeper so when I do make it to something it’s a Big Fucking Deal. And then it’s only like a 45 minute appearance and I’m gone and in my bed and snoozin’
#LivingMyBestLife
Right there with you. It is so glorious to say, “Nope, can’t stay–it’s past my bedtime” and waltz off in the knowledge that pajamas are about to ensue.
Actually, I think that one of the single best things about being in a partnered relationship with shared living space is that I can have meaningful human interaction without having to go outside or put on real pants.
‘pajamas are about to ensue’ is possibly the most wonderful description of my life I could possibly imagine.
I ran into this when I started going to a bad-movie night event that some friends of mine organized on a monthly basis. I felt bad because I would be the one to leave early, then I realized that I was maybe ten years older than most of the attendees, and twenty years older than some of them, so WTF, man, I should give myself a break.
And we all know you’ll NEVER get up there by 10, it will definitely actually be 11!
And if your band isn’t the first one playing? Fucking forget it.
I love local music and I go to a lot of shows, but I’ve literally fallen asleep at a whole bunch of them. This is a real problem in my life.
I’d also really love to go out for late-night cheeseburgers after your English grad program’s all-female production of 12 Angry Men, but I have to get up at 6:30 in the morning and as it is I’m not going to get into bed until 12:30.
I have a couple of friends who always make plans that are like “well, I’m free after dinner, so why don’t we meet up at like 10:30 or 11?” HOLY SHIT WHEN DO YOU EAT DINNER? What am I supposed to do for like 3 hours while I wait for you?
More like “free after dinner and a movie or two on Netflix.”
People who eat dinner late are a foreign species to me. Like, it’s 8 pm and you’ve just started cooking? You have a 9 pm restaurant reservation? What even is your life.
I grew up with younger brothers who would act as if the world was coming to an end if we weren’t starting to eat by 5:30. As a result, my stomach is programmed to NEED dinner before 6 at the latest. I have been known to make myself a pb&j before going out to eat with friends who take their dinner at an hour that I consider to be more in the realm of midnight snack time.
Honestly I eat dinner late sometimes but if I’m planning to hang out with someone I’m not going to make them wait until an ungodly hour to see me.
I eat dinner late because I work late. But I don’t want to force other people (except my wonderful spouse) to eat late with me. To me a normal dinner reservation time is 7:30, but that’s for, like, an evening out.
Ha! I do this. My excuse is being of Italian extraction. The traditions of my ancestors!!
Also I’m always starving when I get home from work so I eat a snack and then I’m not hungry again until 8ish.
Yeah, most of those people are a foreign people, at least. American dinner times are CRAZY early compared to most of the world. School doesn’t even get out until 4:30pm in France. Most restaurant kitchens don’t even open until 7 or 7:30pm. Nobody’s eating dinner at five or six. We often had dinner by six when I was a kid, but after living in Europe for more than a decade, I can’t fathom why anyone would want to eat dinner so early. 🙂 To each their own, I guess.
We just got back from staying with my spouse’s family in Ireland, and every time we’d go out to eat at, like, 6:30 or 7 and score the ‘early bird’ menu. It was fabulous. No waiting, no crowds, my deaf MIL could hear the conversation.
I realize this puts me dangerously close to the Early Bird Special set, but I had dinner at 4:30 p.m. yesterday and it was awesome. I view it as responsible happy-hour prep.
My family is deeply weird and don’t, as a routine, sit down for dinner until 9pm. When I was an adult and did some traveling in Europe and found that other people did this too! Whole places didn’t even open for dinner until 8! “We’re actually continental!” I would explain to my now-husband, who might have been subsisting on cheese and crackers since 5pm and glowering at us.
If I haven’t left the house by 8 I am not leaving.
(j/k it’s actually more like 6:30)
It depends on the weather and my mood….. and what’s on TV and/or the internet.
I might go if you have a cute dog or I can knit.
FYI: you can knit at every single show I ever play, and I have friends who can attest to the accuracy of that statement.
Oh, you forgot “what would make you think I have an interest in your MLM scheme?”
ETA: “Also, calling it a ‘party’ doesn’t fool anyone.”
Ugggghhhhh I hate pyramid scheme pitches!!! Here are some clues that you’re about to be subjected to one:
1) Friend calls/texts out of the blue to invite you to a party that very night.
2) They won’t tell you where or what it is. Usually presented as “It’s a surprise and I want you to experience it the way I did!”
3) They insist on driving (so you can’t sneak away).
If you realise you’ve been duped, demand that they take you home immediately. Your friend did a shitty thing (they probably don’t understand it, but they did) and you’re under no obligation to put up with it.
MLM party/you are being kidnapped and inducted into a cult/same difference.
EXACTLY
If 1-3 happened to me, I would expect either a surprise birthday party or to be taken to a remote location and murdered, and both would be awful.
Upside of being murdered: your friends can’t rope you into pyramid schemes or try to throw you a surprise party.
If you’re heaven-bound, sure.
If you’re headed in the other direction, I have some bad news for you about the origins of Scentsy.
Oh man. Another one I got in the first few years after highschool – the MLM recruitment calls/messages from former HS classmates. You know, the ones that go “Hey! I know we haven’t talked in a while, but I just wanted to call to catch up and see how you’re doing?” “[My sincere answer]” “Yeah, that all sounds super great. Have you heard of MonaVie?”
Ugh. No. Shut up. This is why we “haven’t talked in a while.”
3) They insist on driving (so you can’t sneak away).
This is the stuff of nightmares. I would excuse myself to go to the bathroom, steal their bedsheet, rappel out the window, and disappear into the night, coat and shoes be damned.
Ugh, Ugh, Ugh.
Hey person I haven’t interacted with in any way for the past decade, thanks for letting letting me know it’s okay to defriend you now.
Argh! This is beyond events now too. A woman I went to college with posted a Pure Romance coupon to my profile on my birthday. Like, really? You just posted a coupon for your sex toy MLM to my profile…where my dad and two pastors from my church back home (not to mention everyone else) can see it. You don’t *really* care if I have a happy birthday.
I sincerely hope that led to an unfriending. And a comment like “ew, what, why are you getting involved in this aspect of my life?”
No. I just hid it from my timeline. She’s on her second strike with me though. But I’m the type to restrict my settings so people I don’t like can’t see my posts and don’t show up in my news feed, but I can still lurk on their profile if I’m curious.
Oh my GOD the MLMs … like, I value you as a friend and person. I don’t even buy weed off my friends, and that’s a regular habit, why on earth would I sully our friendship by bringing business into it?
I totally just removed myself from a Scentsy party yesterday, because ugh.
Also I had someone that I hadn’t spoken to since college reach out to me because she thought I might want to sell for passion parties…because yes, I totally give off that vibe, apparently.
Heh 😉
I asked for ideas for a hen’s night and someone seriously suggested a tupperware party and told me they could hook me up with someone.
why.
(Another, much better person suggested an amazing race-style challenge afternoon, followed by dinner, drinks, dancing and karaoke, so that’s what we’re doing.)
I’m saying I’m coming so it looks like your theater company is popular and to show you that I support your work, but actually I hate your shows so don’t imagine that this click is going to bring you my $20.
Yes.
also, “I’ll say I’m coming and then 45 minutes after it has started go “that was today/ tonight?!” and not end up going.”
Time-traveling Victorian landlord has 1BR apartment available on Baltic Avenue. Wood floors, WBFP, updated kitchen and dedicated armory smithy nook. No pets. May one day be replaced with hotel.
dedicated armory smithy nook
Though I suspect that this is a reference to some steampunk Dr. Who/Monopoly crossover that everyone but me has heard of, I want to say that this sounds fantastic. Add an artist’s garret with threadbare yet comfortable couch for my muse to lounge on, and I’m sold.
“Intending to go because I need to socialize more but then the day of I’ll be like, ‘Ugh, strangers’ and won’t go”
“Would love to see you and do actually want to go to your party but only if my Introvert Batteries are somehow still charged by Friday evening, which is to say, ha ha, nope, sorry, I’m the guy who sucks plus I got social anxiety, and listen maybe can you just text me and suggest lunch sometime because that sounds awesome, even though I will never be the one who texts you, and frankly you should know that by now.”
I just want to say that I saw and appreciate your Roast Beef reference.
I googled it to make sure I had the wording right, and that strip came out when my college graduate, legally-drinking-for-a-year-now sister was ten years old. How has that line stuck in my head for twelve years?
SERIOUSLY, I never feel so ancient as when I’m quoting one of these hip new things called “web comics” and then I remember how old I was when I first read the quote. Oyyyy.
But also I love how this whole comment section is basically about the Ray Smuckleses of the world.
Easily 40% of my facebook event activity is this. Easily.
My weekend: On Saturday I had a good cry about not having many friends on this coast after living here a year; on Sunday I decided not to go to a thing I had been going to go to because ugh strangers and also I can just lie on the couch and text my best friend from the other coast and that’s like being social!
Going because I need to Meet People (hopefully leading to a husband) but then realize I’d rather read the Toast instead.
FB definitely needs the “I DON’T EVEN LIVE IN THIS CITY.” response option. Looking at YOU, high school acquaintances who invite every single person on their friends list to every event they plan.
I firmly believe that the only Facebook RSVP options should be “yes,” “no” and “unfriend.” All of these “maybe” contingencies? Flames, side of face, etc.
“Maybe” is just an extra “no” button. It is unnecessary.
“Maybe” just means “I’m not going, but I want to be able to see people’s comments on the event page”.
“So are you proposing that you and I hang out together at this show or are you just trying to promote your friend’s band”
Me: *shows up as personal favor to you*
You: “OMG so glad you could make it! Listen, I have to go hang out with my friend’s band, but why don’t you go sit in that corner? By the way, did you pay for your ticket yet?”
yes, PLEASE, a “is this a personal invite?” option. Or a “Yes, but please notify me if the final ‘yes’ list doesn’t end up being cool enough to stop YOU from flaking out on this event.”
Additionally:
You invited 300 people to watch movies in your apartment, and maybe 5 can fit comfortably in that space, so I’ll pass.
The usual rule for getting people to show up at events is to invite 2x more people than you expect will come. So yeah… I have invited 20 people to an event with space for 10, hoping to get 5. *is deeply uncool* :S
“I’m totally going but DUDE this list is public and burglars exist, soooooo”
RSVP: “Do you really expect me to pay $40 in tapas to celebrate you birthday when you know that place doesn’t divide checks and/or take reservations? I’m just skipping this and going to Taco Bell now instead of at 2 am.”
“You haven’t said if there will be food.”
OH MY GOD. Can we talk about this? Can we agree that there’s a code to what time you invite people for things so you should provide some food?
I am really not looking for a free meal but I need to manage my eating schedule and figure out where I can get food if you’re not feeding me yet expecting me at your house any time between 5-7 PM (I’ll argue for 8 too but I’ll let it go). Please remember that if I don’t live close, I have to commute to get to your place, and it’s hard to eat dinner on a bus. I want to hang out with you but I’m unlikely to see you if I have to be hungry.
You have little kids so you eat early like old people, but you still want me to show up at 6 PM? Please save some for me, or at least live somewhere next to a sandwich place. I’m pretty happy eating Kraft Dinner and playing with your baby.
Even if it’s prime dinner hour, a few snacks on hand help a lot — chips, veggies and dip, cheese, fruit, whatever — and I will do the same for you. I will bring something. I tend to. I genuinely don’t think I’m a fancy person, but I think this is a degree of hospitality that we should all strive for. Thanks.
Do we need a time of day? Can we just agree that if you’re having anyone over at all, assume they might need a snack? And, like, give them a heads up if you can’t provide said snack?
My rule is that I always have snacks (for me, if no one else), and then if I’m inviting people over between, say, 5:00 and 7:30/8:00, I’ll provide a dinner amount of food. Which is why I’ll often deliberately schedule things to start at 8:00, so I can get away with not making dinner for however many people decide to show up (because also my friends are terrible about RSVPs).
I have little kids so we eat early like old people, and if I have invited you over at 6 you bet your ass I will be feeding you. If you’re inviting people over for more than 45 min to a place that does not serve food, there should be food provided.
<3
Yes, 45 minutes is the correct amount of time, after that, Food Supplied.
Also another one ‘you have planned an event for a food-adjacent time but have not allowed enough information for me to know if there’s anything I can eat with my stupid food intolerances. I will think about going, get anxious, have a meltdown about how I can’t do anything because my body has betrayed me, stay home and mainline all the foods I CAN eat. In my pyjamas’.
Alternatively ‘You said you will provide food but I’m pretty sure you don’t understand what gluten IS, and also that when I say I will get sick from contamination I mean that, so I’m not going’.
I figure anytime I have people over, regardless of the hour, I need to be serving food. Because that is what I would want. Do unto others!
See, I always have a little something to eat ahead of time, just in case. But then if there’s food, I’ve filled up stomach space that I could be using for free food instead, which makes me sadface a little bit.
Someone else understands my struggle!
I am gradually learning this as well! At least just enough to get me home after where I can make a bowl of noodles or something.
What you gotta do is stash a baggie of food – nuts, fruit, pb&j, whatever – in your bag. You get there, there’s food: excellent, nosh away. You get there, there’s no food: you take a bathroom break, stuff your face, return to the gathering ready to be cheerful. Or be like my SIL, just pull the apple out of your bag, eat in front of everyone, then pull out the knitting & settle in to chat comfortably knowing you’re using your time wisely and not starving.
Sometimes I get invited to games days and there is no food provided, or there are snack-levels provided for an event that starts at noon, and then no mention of dinner until someone says “um, hey, it is 7:00, we should eat” and everyone is hungry and possibly cranky and then we have to figure out what delivery options we want.
I have resolved that when I have a place in which to host these events, I will provide sufficient snacks and beverages so that this doesn’t happen, and will have a Plan for dinner.
I’m sooooo okay with group delivery, but it’s really nice if this is just mentioned ahead of time so I don’t have to worry about being the “high-maintenance” guest who goes, “Sooo, anyone up for pizza?” I don’t want to be the only one eating!
Really, this is almost less about food and more just about planning and notice!
I don’t have a problem with group delivery, I just want it to be planned so that we aren’t finally reaching for the menus when everyone has already reached hangry and also I want to know that I should bring cash.
Yes, agreed. And good point about the cash! Oh man.
If I host things, it’s planned around food.
Like “we’re grilling things, bring grillable things and also alcohol” or “I’m making CHILI! Bring other things and also alcohol”.
I reserve the right to leave really, really nasty comments on the event walls of things I can’t go to because I live a million miles away from everyone I knew in high school and college. If you don’t know me well enough to realize what state I’m in, we’re not friends anyway.
Look, you know for a fact that THAT WOMAN is on the committee for this and you know what she did to me so the fact that you are inviting me to this event is actually a personal affront and I’m seriously considering unfriending you right now.
“I’ll go as long as you feed me some cheese.”
Honestly this entire comment is just a plea for my friends to invite me over to eat cheese. I’m really good at eating cheese.
Robot, you are a cheesemonger after my own heart. Come down here, we will eat EVERY SINGLE CHEESE together.
It depends whether I can deal with the endless thread of people trying to make travel arrangements when apparently no-one can count, you do realise that’s in the middle of fucking nowhere.
‘I WAS going to go but then you made a group message and now I’m getting spammed and the last thing I want is to look at these people’s faces after that’
Good news for everyone: You can BLOCK people from sending you event invites. It’s super easy. Google the how-to.
MORE Good News: You can UNFRIEND people. Especially randos from high school. Don’t be scared. Try it.
Hmm, yes, but I honestly would rather be annoyed at people’s social ineptitude.
I’m a little bit petty.
“I have small children and really want to come so I’m going to say yes and make cursory attempts to get a sitter but you and I both know I can’t really afford the sitter AND parking AND dinner so don’t be surprised when I text that day with my regrets, which are real and also sometimes include my life choices.”
Blergh. Some friends of mine disappeared after having babies. We would have parties at our house that required no money or hassle for parking. We had parties during the day. We would say ‘Children Welcome’. We tried for two years. Then we would hear that they would do stuff with other people. It kind of stings, thinking about it. I don’t know what we did, or what we could have done different.
Ugh, so sorry. I’m sure it wasn’t you – it was their exhaustion, and their lack of initiative to do anything besides kid-related stuff, and then they meet fellow exhausted parents at those kid-related things who also want to talk about just-shoot-me boring things like sleep training, and suddenly that’s their social circle. This could’ve happened to me if I was any good at making new friends.
Prompted by a conversation I am currently having with my partner in an IM window, it’s also calculating for naptime when traveling with a kid in tow. Thinking about diapers/potty training in process. Snacks. Is junior going to harass some poor, nice person’s dog? Is junior in a screaming/hiding/crushingly shy/combative/lunatic phase? Am I going to have to spend this entire gathering having a side-conversation with my kid or following her through a strange house instead of talking to my friends?
Short version – not you; kids are exhausting and not fun at parties.
“I’d like to think I’m the kind of person who has the social wherewithal and physical energy to attend Undersea-themed Queer Burlesque on a Monday night, but we both know that I’m really not.”
I don’t want your god damned Jamberry nail stickers and I never will
please stop asking me to these sales events under the guise of a “party” to which you have invited all 800 of your Facebook friends
Those things don’t even work, you’re basically paying $15 to have a bunch of crumpled plastic stuck to your hands for a day and a half.
Ain’t no party like a buying $30 candles online from a former coworker using a nearly maxed credit card party!
-I don’t like your band enough to come out on a weeknight
-I don’t like your band enough to come out at all
-There’s too many capital letters and weird punctuation for me to understand if this is a concert, art show, or Brooklyn collective poisoned Kool-Aid drinking so I’m gonna sit it out since I’m not ready to die
-Your location states “WORLDWIDE, EVERYWHERE!!” so I know this is not really an event, please stop spamming me with your fundraisers
I don’t like places with people. And noise. And places where I can’t sit and eat real, delicious food. And pants.
“I can’t think of anything I would rather do LESS than go to your improv show.”
“Saying Maybe out of guilt because I don’t want to seem like a bad friend, but also I’m not coming”
“How did you add me to yet ANOTHER Jamberry group/”party” without my permission” (I cannot stress how much I appreciate the “leave group | prevent members from re-adding you” option.)
“Saying Maybe because I think a good person would attend this event to raise awareness of this cause and I’m not ready to admit that I’m not a good person”
Ugh I recently got invited to “ancient traditions of Siberian energy defense” and I really wanted an RSVP option that expressed something like:
Okay well to be fair I guess it’s a fine line between “I am interested, academically speaking, in the experience of the minority ethnic groups of the Russian Federation, and also I love Lake Baikal” and “I am interested, personally speaking, in white women paying other white women to present deracinated consumer-capitalist self-improvement versions of animist/shamanic traditional cultures,” so I can see why you thought of me. But there is LITERALLY no way I would ever go to this event and I’m honestly a little angry that it exists.
Actually if there were a “come ON, white people” button for, like, almost every aspect of Bay Area culture (see also: butter coffee), that would be great.
“I am interested, academically speaking, in the experience of the minority ethnic groups of the Russian Federation, and also I love Lake Baikal”
me too!
I read your first sentence three times before I realized it probably wasn’t about natural gas.
Ancient traditions of Siberian energy defense: hide the natural gas in the impenetrable taiga. Also: permafrost, killer mosquitoes.
I only realised it wasn’t about natural gas when I read your comment.
My boss is Mongolian and named Baigal after Lake Baikal, which is how I learned that there was a Lake Baikal in the first place. It’s super pretty! I don’t know much about the experience of the minority ethnic groups of the Russian Federation though.
what’s a bogey lowenstein?
Who knocked up your sister?
That must be Nigel with the Brie!
(The page image makes me so happy.)
“We haven’t spoken or seen each other in months, and I know you’re just extending an invitation out of generosity and perhaps you really want to hang out again, so I’m just not going to rsvp one way or another and just sit and wait for updates and see who all is going and if it is really a party or if I should just pity you for making an event in the first place.”
“Sorry, not sorry”
“You invited 500 adults to your twins’ birthday party. Are you having trouble with facebook invites, or is this a cry for help?”
Or did you just accidentally hit the “Invite All Friends” button and now your face is literally melting off in horror?
YES to the food thing! You don’t have to provide me with food, but please tell me IF there will be food or not, and where I can get food if you don’t have any.
Other options I frequently need:
– I definitely support this political cause, I just really hate crowds and feel stupid when I shout slogans
– I’d need to know what it costs
– I really really WANT to go but I can’t come, please keep inviting me in the future
– I’m not a square, I’m TOTALLY the kind of person who would go to events like this or events of similar coolness, but actually please never invite me again
– I can come if it’s okay to wear laundry day clothes
“I just really hate crowds and feel stupid when I shout slogans.”
This speaks to me on so many levels.
-You know perfectly well I live in a suburb where it will take me 2 hours to get to your event, and 2 to get home.
-I’ve been at work all week & reached my quota of human contact, thanks.
-You never even bother to rsvp when I invite you to things of mine.
-My cats need me to stay home tonight.
“This is on a weeknight, that’s not going to happen”
“This is on a weekend, don’t you understand that weekend time is precious?”
– If this is a Toast Meetup, everybody’s gotta bring an icebreaker idea or something because last time we all just stood around and stared at each other like the introverted librarians and librarian-adjacent humans we are and it was so hilariously sad because we Wanted to Connect but had no idea how.
“…so, read any good books lately?”
“OMG YES I even brought some with me”
“OMG me too!” [reach into bags, pull out books, read quietly in coffee shop for next 6 hours]
Send me THAT invite, I will leave the house for that.
Knowing that this happened/happens makes me feel way better about having coordinated with other local Toasts about a Mallory reading, visually identifying several of them at the reading, and not having the guts to approach and talk to even one of them. I mean it just turned out that meeting Mallory in person for the first time was overwhelming enough, you know?
Ooh, at least now I know that if I ever go to a Toast meetup my behaviour will be completely normal!
Yes, if I can figure out ahead of time if this is in a real gallery/ museum and not just some dude’s tiny art studio with a fancy name.
My personal favourite is “Going to click ‘Attending’ right now so as to try and trick myself into thinking I actually enjoy leaving the house and socializing with others, but actually have no intent of even pretending to look for Real Pants so I could leave the house to come to your event but now at least I feel better about myself” – I don’t know, I guess Facebook thought that one was a little verbose?
A+, would click again. Cannot count the number of events I’ve missed because of the activation energy needed to put on pants.
OR better yet — “I DON’T CARE ABOUT YOUR STUPID BAND” — is that one up yet?
My event criteria:
Is this something I even sort of care about?
Will it be crowded?
Is the stranger/friend ratio tipped to far into strangers?
Is there food?
Is it an inconvenient time?
Do I have to wear pants?
Wouldn’t I rather just stay home with the cats and Netflix?
Sorry, I can’t make it. I have things.
Protip: Name your cat (or TV) (or both) Prior Commitments. Then you can always truthfully claim that you have Prior Commitments.
“If a majority of the time spent at this event involves recapping how great past iterations of the event were, you’re dead to me.”
“I would prefer not to.”
I’ve gotten much better of late about being ruthless with my RSVPs and saying Yes only when I damn well intend to go, come hell or Snowpocalypse.
My partner, on the other hand, says Yes to EVERY INVITE. Even the ones that he has no intention of going to. Even the ones that he literally CANNOT attend, no matter his intentions. It’s absolutely infuriating because there are plenty of times where I’ll go to an event only if he’s also going (because as an introvert I need to attach myself to a familiar-feeling extrovert a lot of the time) but I can’t tell if he’s actually going to go or not.
“I fully recognise that I was only invited because you and I were in the same general group of friends at uni, despite never having anything to say to each other, and that there is really no desire in either me or you for me to be present at your child’s christening, but I’m still going to come because our mutual friends are actually really cool, and will be there, and also the guy you married is loaded so I am guaranteed lots of seriously good booze, thanks for the invitation, what’s the dress code? x”
I've been there! Only for dinner though. Sounds like I need to check it out for breakfast …
Wait, is that not the correct way to eat brie? A wedge at a time?
I read all the options in the voice my head uses for Ali from Hey Ladies.