Ender’s Game -The Toast

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The Government: we need children to run the military

Bonzo: welcome to battle school
the only thing you need to know about life up here is that we only have two kinds of swearing
“fart face” and vicious racial slurs

Ender: oh

Bonzo: we’ll kill you as soon as look at you
but we’ll never say “shit”

Peter: now that Ender has gone to space to become a general, we must do our part to change humanity

Valentine: absolutely
what should we do

Peter: let’s leave comments about political theory on the internet until the government offers us jobs

Alai: Ender
let’s kiss

Ender: yes
unrelatedly, gays and Jews?

Alai: monstrous, both of them
also, unrelatedly
we call our greatest enemies the “buggers”
but don’t read too much into it
it’s just a longer, more difficult way of saying bugs that has nothing to do with the more common definition of the term

The President: look at this

Secretary of State: Sir?

The President: someone is talking about John Locke online
give them my job at once

Secretary of State: Yes, sir

Bug Ghost: Ender we knew you would come
and we knew you didn’t mean to genocide us
please don’t feel bad about it
the genociding
when we were murdering you
we thought we were actually just disfiguring you
we were just trying to cripple your society, not murder it
so it was all just a big misunderstanding

Ender: oh

Bug Ghost: just please don’t worry about it, genocide-wise

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