A Bit Of Fry And Laurie Friday: A Serious Injury To The Genitals

by Mallory Ortberg · September 18, 2015

“I’m afraid you did sustain a very serious injury to your genitals.”

“My genitals?”

“As you can see.”

“Oh, dear.”

“Oh, as you rightly say, dear. We had no choice but to remove them.”

“Oh, no.”

“Oh, as you didn’t rightly say, yes.”

“However will I manage?”

“Hmm. Did you use them often, Mr Kerniff?”

“Well, not really. But it was nice to know that they were there.”

The resulting pun is…dreadfully gorgeous? Gorgeously dreadful? Either way, it made me hate myself and love life.

Mallory is an Editor of The Toast.


16 Comments

  1. wallpaperori +18

    You know they came up with the final pun, giggled about it for a while, then worked backwards from there.

  4. CleverManka +19

    I’m trying to figure out if the reason he’s lying so uncomfortably on the gurney is some sort of Method Acting of Having One’s Genitals Removed or if he’s just too tall to fit on the thing.

  7. Lindsay +4

    This amount of commitment to a truly horrible, amazing pun can only fill one with a sense of joy and wonder.

  8. Bunburying

    Sadly, I think the equivalent is simply "new, fake breasts." (Sad because it doesn't lend itself quite so well to comedy.)

    Also, best wishes to you.

  10. dakimel

    My scrapbooking friend made me a card that said "ta-ta to your ta-tas" when I had my mamoplasty. I treasure it!

    I guess you can act like a booby & see if that works, comedically.

    (Good luck with your surgery. Be nice to yourself in recovery!)

  11. wondertwin2

    I don't know, but as one who had a unilateral mastectomy, best of luck! Hopefully, you'll be like me and have only vague, hazy memories of the immediate recovery in the future.

    Personally, I make a lot of fake boob jokes. No puns though. I can only think of birds to go with (boobies and tits). Watch Tig Notaro as needed.