Riane Konc’s previous work for The Toast can be found here.
“Maroon Is An Adjective, So I’m Not Going To Use It Like A Verb, Not Once”
“You Know What I’ve Got Some Thoughts About? The Southwest”
“Let’s All Just Camp Out Around Middle C Where None Of Our Voices Feel Strained”
“Almost Nothing Reminds Me Of My Failed Relationship, Including Those Crows”
“Wisconsin Has the Packers And Cheese, And I Guess That’s All I Have to Say About That”
“I Read Walden Back In High School But Never Really Saw What The Big Deal Was”
“The Town I’m Singing About Is Real (I’m Getting Wasted With A Wolf)”
“I Learned ‘Melic’ From My Word-A-Day App, But I Don’t Feel Any Temptation To Use It In A Song”
“Let’s Give Those Pitchfork Reviewers Something To Hate”
“I Do My Best Creative Work When I’m No More Than Ten Minutes Away From A Bed, Bath, & Beyond”
“We Can Stack Vocals On This Three Or Four Times, But Then That’s IT, Guys”
“Come On, Everybody, Sing Along On This One — You Know The Words!”
“If I Had To Describe My Breakup In One Word, It Would Probably Be Soffit. No, Claring. No, Wait, Soffit.”
“Let’s Have a Little Fun With This One”
“Spending A Weekend In This Cabin Was Nice But Honestly I Miss My Sleep-Number”
“All I Really Want To Do (Is Enunciate Each Syllable)”
“Let’s Hear It For Spring!”
“Reflecting On Childhood Memories Can Be A Healthy Exercise (Death Is Not Inevitable)”
“I’m Kind Of Relieved We Broke Up Because Now I Have Time To Try Crossfit”
“That Dead Moth Has Nothing To Do With Me, Sometimes Moths Just Die”
“The Melting Snow Is Not An Indictment On My Ability To Cultivate A Lasting Relationship”
“This Subordinate Clause Can’t Stand By Itself/I Understand The Basic Mechanics Of A Sentence”
“‘Sickle Your Sill, Sump Until The Quiet’s Out’ Is A Meaningless Combination Of Words, Not The Perfect Description Of My Sex Life”
“These Are Lyrics, Not A Series Of Mini-Strokes”
“It’s Just A Bird’s Nest, Not An Existential Crisis”
“That Deer Looks Lonely But I Feel Fine”
“You Can Absolutely Continue To Listen To This Song After A Death Of A Loved One”
“Summer, Beaches, and Pools”
I’m absolutely going to use the phrase “let’s all just camp out around middle C” at least once before I die.
Ugh anyone using “maroon” as a verb should be cast away on a desert island.
Every time I see that word I think of Bugs Bunny. “What a Maroon…” I don’t even know what it’s supposed to mean as a noun, but it has stuck with me since childhood.
“Maroon” as a noun can refer to Africans in the slavery-era Americas living free outside of colonial society! I doubt that’s what Bugs was thinking of, though maybe he’s more of a scholar than I took him for.
ohhhhhhh
hmm. I think that might have been exactly what he meant. Looney Tunes has a history of racism, and it would not surprise me if it was meant as a derogatory joke. Ah well. *adds to the bonfire of childhood nostalgia*
Can also be a proper noun: the student newspaper of the University of Chicago!
Using “maroon” as a noun, a la Bugs Bunny, is always ok, though.
“Wisconsin Has the Packers And Cheese, And I Guess That’s All I Have to Say About That”
approved
Oh man, this reminded me of Bon Iver Erotic Stories, which I hadn’t checked in probably a couple years.
Oh my GOD. My tastes for woodsiness and manic pixie dreamboys means I am having a field day over this. Thank you!
OMG, that site used to be blocked by my work filter but now I can view it again. *productivity plummets*
OMG, that site used to be blocked by my work filter but now I can view it again. *productivity plummets*
This is so fuuny
Can also be a proper noun: the student newspaper of the University of Chicago!
“These Are Lyrics, Not A Series Of Mini-Strokes”
dying.
“These Are Lyrics, Not A Series Of Mini-Strokes”
dying.
“All I Really Want To Do (Is Enunciate Each Syllable)”
If only, Justin. If only.
Oh no! Bon Iver put himself to sleep.
I think it was Bugs mispronouncing "moron" because he also says "imBECile" with different emphasis like that.
Oh no! Bon Iver put himself to sleep.
“It’s Just A Bird’s Nest, Not An Existential Crisis (A Wide-Toothed Comb And Some Beard-Detangling Spray Will Sort It Right Out)”
Pretty good, but you forgot his hit single: “I Am Aware of and Trying Hard to Mediate My White Cis-Male Hetero Privilege” and the B-Side “Living Rent-Free in My Parents’ Lake House Is Awesome but I Won’t Pretend It Makes Me Rugged”