“It’s Four In The Morning, So I’m Going To Go To Bed With A Book And A Mug Of Cocoa, And Will Not Write A Letter To My Girlfriend’s Lover”
“Sing Another Song Boys (And Let’s Make This One A Real Jolly Knees Up)”
“Lover Lover Lover (Who Is A Normal Human Person, And Not God)”
“I Like To Keep My Worship Separate From My Giving Of Oral Sex, Thank You”
“My Vision Of The Future Doesn’t Require Reference To Hiroshima, Charles Manson, or Torture”
“A Song About A Woman Who Is Both Alive And In A Happy, Stable Long-Term Relationship With Me”
“Suzanne, Nancy And Marianne Are All Fine, Thanks”
“All Of My Feelings About The USA Are Uncomplicated And Positive”
“I Have No Need To Refer To The Holy Spirit When Having Sex, Not Even A Little Bit”
“The Chelsea Hotel Is A Lovely Place To Stay And I Don’t Associate It At All With Janis Joplin, Why Do You Ask”
“I Fell Into An Avalanche Because I Wasn’t Taking Appropriate Mountain Safety Precautions, But I’m Fine Now And Very Happy”
“There Is A Crack In Everything, But Don’t Worry, I’ve Called In The Builders To Take Another Look”
“It’s Closing Time, So I’m Going To Go Home Now, But I Sure Have Had A Really Pleasant Night”
“My Feelings About Lady Midnight’s Aging Process Aren’t Really Relevant To Her So I Just Won’t Bring Them Up Right Now”
“There Are No Chocolates In The Boxes Any More Because We Ate Them All At The Christmas Party”
“I Don’t Feel Like Adapting Sad Poems By Lorca Or Cavafy Today, Maybe Some Other Time”
“If That’s How You Want To Say Goodbye, I Respect That”
“I Fought In The Old Revolution (And We Created A Much Better Society And Were Glad)”
“Hank Williams Invited Me To His Book Group And I Honestly Don’t Feel Lonely At All Now”
“If You Don’t Want To Go Out With Me Again, I’m Certainly Not Going To List All The Things I’d Be Willing To Do For You, Because That Might Make You Uncomfortable”
“Vienna Is A Nice Place With Hardly Any Dead Doves At All”
“Actually My Wife Prefers To Be Called Rroma And I Don’t Feel The Need To Keep Tabs On Her All The Time”
“Let’s Not Talk About Razor Blades Tonight”
“You Don’t Really Care For Music, Do You? That’s Fine And I Won’t Go On About It”
So perfect!
Your Famous Blue Raincoat Was Handed In At Lost Property (Gosh, Sure Does Affirm Your Faith In The Goodness Of Strangers)
HA! I was trying to think of something for this but kept getting stuck on the Scientology angle. Well done.
I Never Went Clear (Because I Realised Scientology was a Dangerous Cult and I Was Only Flirting with It Because It Was The Seventies and I Was Taking a Lot of Drugs)
I MAYBE love you.
oh my god
i never got that
all these years, i never got it
i feel like a dunce
Don’t worry, I didn’t get it for years either until I read it somewhere. It kind of ruined the song for me tbh so maybe ignorance was bliss.
And the Nice Folks at Lost Property Fixed the Tear in the Shoulder
Hardly Any Dead Doves At All
That’s the dream….
Who By Fire Has Roasted A Nice Toasty Marshmallow
And Who shall I say is calling just to say hi?
“I will have a lovely vacation in New York in which I I will not despair of the human condition even a little bit.”
ugggggh now I want to watch “Take This Waltz” (the movie) (directed by Sarah Polley) again, and it’s a movie i have complicated feelings about, but the use of “Take This Waltz” (the song) within it is pretty nifty, and… ugggh.
That rotating shot is soooooo gorgeous. And yes, complicated feelings.
Couldn’t figure out that movie at all. Michelle William’s character just seemed so…affectless. It wasn’t clear what motivated her, if anything, and neither man seemed compelling enough to warrant all that angst. And the Other Guy, whatever his name is, was predictably, skin-crawlingly awful. But it was beautifully shot, and the swimming pool/locker room scenes were very moving.
I read Michelle Williams’ character’s… mehness… as a result of her not ever really having explored what she really wanted in life, and just sort of defaulted into things she was supposed to want.
I actually found Seth Rogan’s character endearing, way more so than the other dude.
But mostly, this movie is top of my list of “movies where polyamory actually might have solved more problems than it created”.
There’s a surprisingly affecting Dutch train commercial that features Take This Waltz. (I have a secret fondness for Dutch train commercials, they have a great music selection.)
Wait–“Hallelujah” was about oral sex? Mind blown(phwoar!).
And mild BDSM!
“She tied you to her kitchen chair
She broke your throne and she cut your hair
And from your lips she drew the Hallelujah”
Which is also Samson & Delilah of course, because there is no sex withour religion, or religion without sex, in Cohenland.
Or John Donneland, or Marvin Gayeland, or D.A. Powellland. Basically, all of my favorite dude poets!
“I did my best, it wasn’t much
I couldn’t feel, so I tried to touch
I’ve told the truth, I didn’t come to fool you
And even though it all went wrong
I’ll stand before the Lord of Song
With nothing on my tongue but Hallelujah”
Failed oral sex, apparently.
The next verse is about penetrative sex.
“Remember how I moved in you,
The holy dark was moving too.”
(Some variations have “holy dove” instead of “holy dark,” as doves are a conventional way to show the holy spirit in Catholic art.)
And there’s the bit in “Chelsea Hotel” with “giving me head on the unmade bed, while the limousine waited in the street.” (This seems like an image of something tawdry, or at least untidy, but it reminds me that I’ve never had oral sex on a MADE bed.)
Was thinking more with the oral sex references of Light As The Breeze, which has the excellent un/sexy line “You can drink it or you can nurse it, it don’t matter how you worship, as long as you’re down on your knees”.
Ewwwww.
“Not Everybody Knows (Because it’s None of Their Business)”
I’m Your Man For Odd Jobs Around The House Or Emotional Support, No Pressure For Anything Else
I Heard There was a Secret Chord, and It was Pretty Bitchin’
I Heard There Was A Secret Chord, And Morten Lauridsen Wrote It.
/choirnerd
Truth facts.
<3
I am a thousand percent HERE for this. I love love love ol’ LC, and I also love to make fun of his Use of Archetypes and Religious Boner Angst.
“There Are No Chocolates In The Boxes Any More Because We Ate Them All At The Christmas Party”
“I Don’t Feel Like Adapting Sad Poems By Lorca Or Cavafy Today, Maybe Some Other Time”
LOLLL. And my all time favourite:
“Lover Lover Lover (Who Is A Normal Human Person, And Not God)”
Oh, and now I really want to go to Hank Williams’ book club
Or Hank Jr.’s, with all his rowdy friends.
I left a concert of his after the second encore. Apparently there were four.
It was over four hours in total with a few short breaks. The man at the time was just shy of 80. Also, his old man dancing is a delight to see live. I hope I’m a fraction as badass when I’m that old.
You LEFT a Leonard Cohen concert BEFORE he’d finished? I’m so confused.
I know, I know! It was after 1 AM and I didn’t have a place to stay and needed to catch the last bus to get home or risk being stranded in Seattle for the night.
Have you ever been to a show that lasts almost five hours? I sure hadn’t. Still don’t think I have besides his.
Oof, in that case, my sympathies are with you.
You left?! I saw his most recent tour with my mum and it was magical and not at all awkward (it was slightly awkward, but they served big, cheap wines).
If anyone has a chance, go see him! It was worth every penny.
Definitely not because I wanted to. It was just hella late and I needed to be sure I got home and not stranded in downtown Seattle.
That is the worst! I left a Fugazi concert once because it kept going and going and I was so tired. If they are going to be so long, they should start earlier.
Ugh I once had to miss meeting Ta-Nehisi Coates for the same reason
Your “not at all awkward” sums up my thoughts about whether I should send a link to this post to my brother, who is an even bigger LC fan than I am, but is also a person who would find it sheepish-making and weird for me to send him something with the words “oral sex” in the title. Which I totally get.
I saw him last year and he literally got on his knees during I’m your Man and was kind of sexy? For an 80 year old man? I almost started crying when he walked onstage?
He is the sexiest 80 year old man. I refer you also to “My Oh My”, on his latest album.
I saw him at Caesar’s Palace in Las Vegas (2010-ish), which at the time I thought was the height of incongruity, but he really put on a glitzy show! And yes, I loved his old man dancing. There wasn’t a dry panty in the house.
My wife took me to a concert in Edmonton. I could not believe how much energy he exuded. He skipped up and down the stage like a sprite.
I saw him on his birthday (!) in Amsterdam and it was so glorious, he is such an amazing treasure. And the show went on a really, really long time and it was also great.
When I saw him, he skipped on and off the stage like a little child, dropped to his knees with FEELING not merely once or twice during the concert but once or twice PER SONG and he continued doing this into the DRIVING RAIN. He was 75 then, and his only concession was to put on a scarf. And everyone sang “you’re such a pretty one” *at him* and it was true, he was the prettiest singing, skipping, dancing old man there ever was.
Also I just want to say I think he is respecting her in Hey, That’s No Way To Say Goodbye — at least, I always thought she was dumping him and felt bad about it and he was reassuring her that hey, it’s okay, no need to cry. Just, I fell a little more in love with Leonard Cohen for that, even if it’s mostly in my head.
Oh yes, I don’t think he is being disrespectful in that! I just said it for the joke. Although my personal interpretation is more along the lines that they’re about to enter into a long distance relationship or be parted for a while than that they’re going to break up. It is a lovely song.
When I saw him he did high kicks! and tossed his hat in the air and caught it!
I saw him in the courtyard of Edinburgh Castle and it was pretty amazing! However, it started to rain at the end, so no encores 🙁
“by the rivers dark because my flashlight’s batteries died but don’t worry, i have backups”
“is this what you wanted? i’m so glad, that’s wonderful, this house definitely has no ghosts or past trauma.”
“seems so long ago, nancy. so much lovely stuff has happened since i last saw you!”
Like A Bird On A Wire I Happily Sing At Sunrise Because I’m Not At All Hungover
First We Take Manhattan As An Example Of A Metropolitan City In Our Urban Planning Course
(I should stop. I should really stop.)
Please never stop.
Don’t stop.
“Chelsea Hotel No. 2” has had something to do with Janis Joplin this whole time?!
i’m an uninformed ingrate and i’ll see myself out.
It’s true that all the men you knew / Were regular humans whose natural tendency toward self-mythologizing were held in check by common decency
It’s four in the morning, the end of December / No I will NOT go to sleep, I worked half a year to spend this one week with only my couch and Netflix and I’m not gonna waste a second so help me God
If it be Your will / That I speak no more / Then You’re out of luck / because I’m going to ignore /
All your ominous signs / Until I’ve had my fill / Of parodies and made-up five syllable adjectives and then I’ll just keep on talking I guess
“I thank you for doing your duty, you keepers of truth, you guardians of beauty: the new wing you’ve built at the Met is gorgeous.”
Is this a safe space to talk about my hatred of “Everybody Knows”?
It starts GREAT, just depressing as all hell and disgustingly knowing, and maintains greatness for the first two verses.
And then he starts talking about his girlfriend sleeping with other people, and GIVEN THE FORMAT OF THE SONG, it sounds like he’s saying that in a broken, broken world, love and fidelity are stupid concepts. This is great! This is the dip into a shitty-ass world I listen to Leonard Cohen FOR.
But no, turns out he’s just bitching that in a world that’s obviously rotten and going down fast, his significant other isn’t leaning into being a goddamn beacon of Christian purity. In a world that is as he describes it, what fucking virtue is there in monogamy?
I mean in that world there’s always room for jealousy though…
also I doubt he meant “Christian” purity per se
Yeah, I feel very uncomfortable saying that Leonard Cohen’s holding anyone up to Christian standards of purity, considering he’s very much not a Christian.
(Although leastbittern’s thoughts about Everybody Knows are really interesting! Not something I’d considered before.)
Goddammit, I mixed his life story up with Bob Dylan, this is embarrassing.
Also not a Christian except briefly in the 70s?
Uuuggghhh. Yes? And I thought that this song was from that era? Which makes no sense?
I was grasping for a way to define concepts of male ownership of female sexuality, and I went with “Christian purity” – which is not fair to Christians OR Leonard Cohen. I need to work on my assumptions that a.) a Christian ethos is the baseline for all media I consume and b.) that ethos is inherently sexist. Thanks for pointing this out.
Hey, I just wanted to lay claim to Jewish roots of male ownership of female sexuality. The Jewish people were sexist before Christ even existed goddammit!
Man, if you are a “knowing” dude, a dude who can see through the conceits of the world, you should be able to see through your own jealousy. OR he could not see that, but I want the song to fucking acknowledge that when the boat’s going down, it’s a petty thing to fret about.
I wonder if my totally different read on this is because I heard Concrete Blonde do it first, and first-heards tend to do a lot to my opinions of songs!
I hate “Hallelujah” for similar reasons of starts good, gets icky. The first lines are awesome, and then I get to “But I remember when I moved in you, and the Holy Dove was moving too,” and I’m like urrrgh urrrgh urrrgh why does this song exist. There’s something about Leonard Cohen’s specific way of singing explicitly about sex that just squicks me out.
Oh, the sisters of mercy, they are not departed or gone
They were helping run a very successful food drive
Tea and oranges made up a reasonable percentage of the donations
Everyone is going to have enough to eat this winter.
“The Traveler is a nice guy who will stay with you for a few days and not leave you with a deep abiding wanderlust and depression about your romantic past.”
“A thousand kisses deep, temporally, in our stable and loving relationship”
Brilliant.
Years ago, I was listening to LC on a CD, and my then 3 year old son said from the back seat, “Mommy, let’s change the song.” I did. “Let’s change this song too.” I did. “Mom? Are we almost home?”
Leonard is in my repertoire of songs I sing as lullabies to my 3 year old… and I’m realizing when he asks for certain songs it’s never those. He’ll ask for Janis Joplin, Rise Against and Marianne Faithfull, but never Leonard Cohen or Paul Simon. Hmmmm…
I lost it at: “There Is A Crack In Everything, But Don’t Worry, I’ve Called In The Builders To Take Another Look”
Leonard is in my repertoire of songs I sing as lullabies to my 3 year old… and I'm realizing when he asks for certain songs it's never those. He'll ask for Janis Joplin, Rise Against and Marianne Faithfull, but never Leonard Cohen or Paul Simon. Hmmmm…
<3
Guysss
I have to know what song the oral sex one is
BECAUSE IT’S NOT LIKE THERE’S JUST ONE LC SONG ABOUT ORAL SEX
So, the one about worship and oral sex was specifically referring to Light as the Breeze, which has the lines: “You can drink it or you can nurse it, it don’t matter how you worship, as long as you’re down on your knees”.