A Glossary of U- and Non-U Speech -The Toast

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Pretty much the best part about England is that they have divided their vocabulary up into U- and non-U aspects of speech, with the net result being that pretty much whatever word you choose to employ in a given situation, you sound like a grasping middle-class grasper and people talk about your graspiness in horrified tones the moment you leave the room. There’s a wrong way to refer to the bathroom over there! Imagine that. Asking to use the bathroom, and in the meanwhile exposing yourself as a grasping piece of garbage whose parents live in an apartment. What a country!

U Non-U
Ankle waterfall Bicycle
Binky-punt wrap Dress suit
That’s Jeffrey Jack (cards)
In-The-Ground whatsits Greens
Isn’t-a-bit-of Ice cream
Nose ghosts Perfume
Tarquin stick rally. They have (got) a lovely home.
Oh, rather not (in bed) Sick (in bed)
Had a mouth-whoopsie at sea. I was ill on the boat.
Window what’s got faces on Mirror
Fire-chozzle Mantelpiece
A Severn ups-me-downs Cemetery
Austrian ear-gigs Glasses
Mouth jimmies Dentures
Visiting dirt friends in Chesterleigh Pass on
Tree sauce Preserve
Grandma’s hand clim-clams Serviette
Sit-you-down-sirs Settee or couch
Ooh-it’s-the-old-white-cabbage-snatcher Toilet
Full of pocket pebbles Wealthy
Eh wot, Smethelwhyte? Pardon?
Scads’ wenchforth Cheers
Meeting the Duke of York Dinner (for midday meal)
Flip-flop dinnertop Sweet
Homosexual’s tea Lounge
Gimbly-gam Note-paper
Grimbly-guff scrambly-damp Pleased to meet you
Morrissey’s night friend Radio
Daytime Daddy Teacher
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