Sansa is very stretchy.
Holtzclaw has been found guilty of many of the most serious charges against him, and I was really worried he was going to slither off on this one, so this is a relief.
My friend Dave shared this list of closing New York City haunts and was like “I am not usually this person, but I loved a lot of these places,” and I clicked through and saw that The Dove, this bar I used to go to that was three doors down from my first apartment in Manhattan (the fifth-floor walk-up studio apartment illegally converted to a two bedroom) just got priced out of the neighborhood, and I have so many great memories there! They had a really yummy bar mix and I used to order sidecars to feel Fancy. AND NOW I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS.
look how romantic it was:
Jaya guested on Ask a Clean Person! (TURMERIC STAINS, the struggle is real)
How the penis is disappearing from the sex toy:
Companies like Doc Johnson—a leading novelty company for decades, notorious for its line of Realistic Cocks—offer a good example of the “she wants a big cock” mentality that dominated the industry during the late-20th century. Robert Rheaume, the president of high-end sex toy company JimmyJane, charmingly described these hyper-realistic dildos as the kind of severed penis you’d get if “there was an Orc from Lord of the Rings walking around, and they cut his penis off.”
The extraordinary life of Simona Kossak:
Simona Kossak: they called her a witch, because she chatted with animals and owned a terrorist-crow, who stole gold and attacked bicycle riders.
She spent more than 30 years in a wooden hut in the Białowieża Forest, without electricity or access to running water. A lynx slept in her bed, and a tamed boar lived under the same roof with her. She was a scientist, ecologist and the author of award-winning films, as well as radio broadcasts. She was also an activist who fought for the protection of Europe’s oldest forest.
I am still really taken aback whenever I remember that Justin Trudeau is the Prime Minister of Canada:
Trudeau, who is 43, was still working on getting his staff to call him ‘‘Prime Minister.’’ For years, he was ‘‘Justin,’’ and staff members often still referred to him that way. ‘‘It’s like your really smart friend suddenly became prime minister,’’ Kate Purchase, his communications director, told me.
‘‘People in the street will either call me ‘Prime Minister’ or ‘Justin,’ ’’ Trudeau said. ‘‘We’ll see how that goes. But when I’m working, when I’m with my staff in public, I’m ‘Prime Minister.’ I say that if we’re drinking beer out of a bottle, and you can see my tattoos, you should be comfortable calling me ‘Justin.’ ’’
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Cherished Friend of The Toast Sulagna Misra on finding her own body positivity at the museum:
Many of the figures in both exhibitions resonated with me, but the one that looked most like me was a statue of Parvati, goddess of love, devotion, and divine strength. A sculpture in the Freer and Sackler exhibition also depicts her with her consort Shiva, the god of destruction.
Looking at them, I was reminded of the Hindu concept of darshan, which says that simply seeing the god or goddess in stone is enough for prayer. This is awfully convenient when my family and I go to a temple in India or a puja, a religious ceremony, in New Jersey. Pushing through the crowd, we can quickly back away once we’ve met the eyes of the statues of the goddess Saraswati, the god Ganesh, and so on, depending on the holiday.
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Tressie on affirmative action:
The painful truth about hand-wringing over whether Affirmative Action “harms” racial minorities is that no one cares if Affirmative Action harms racial minorities. The faux concern for the well-being of poor put-upon non-white students who are promoted beyond their ability never extends to concern for the many more white students who are surely promoted beyond theirs.
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This little piece by Jane Hu really worked me over this morning:
“The idea of having one love in your life was not an aspiration for us,” Hal said, when I ask him what it was like to be the primary love object of a queer theorist who wrote so prolifically about the complexities of desire and relationships. Later, Hal referenced D. W. Winnicott’s concept of the “holding environment,” in which the mother creates a safe space for the child that allows the child to then look out into the world, to think about something else beyond the mother’s care. Eve used this idea in her work. Hal offered it as a way of thinking about what they both did for one another.
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The Hater’s Guide to the Williams-Sonoma Catalog (ALSO, someone just sent me a fancy-ass chef’s knife from Williams-Sonoma and I LOVE it and there’s no name attached, I THINK it was my brother and his wife? Tell me if it was you!):
Copy: “Set of nine.”
Drew Says: Nine? FUCK YOU. Give me more. Let me tell you about BIG CHOCOLATE and how they operate. They move into a city like New York, and then they set up a bunch of very pristine and cute boutique chocolate shops with gorgeous displays of meticulously painted boxed chocolates flavored with lavender and just a TOUCH of goat spice, and then they want to charge you $80 per piece. I’ve had it. These are thoughtless office gifts, and I’m NEVER paying more than 10 bucks for a thoughtless office gift. I hope you all go bankrupt.
*
In addition to the pithy prose portraits of restaurants (often at a length almost unthinkable by today’s mobile-centric readership), Britchky’s reviews took pains to ensure their readers never had to experience a bad meal. He grouped restaurants in one section of the index by stars, four to one, then the even-lower “Acceptable” to “Unacceptable.” He calculated costs from “Inexpensive” ($25 or less for dinner for two, beverages, tax and tip in 1976, and in 1990, that covered a three-course dinner for one, coffee, no tax or tip) to “Very Expensive” (1976: over $50, 1990: over $45). Another staple: “Ten Sensible Rules About Going to, Eating in, Paying at, and Departing from New York Restaurants” (No. 10, “Departure: Leave when you are good and ready. It is your right to eat at your own pace, including lingering over a second cup of coffee. Enjoy possession of a table that others are waiting in line for. Later they will.”).
Lyz Lenz on Isabella Stewart Gardner:
Henry James, a member of her coterie, once remarked that Isabella “is not a woman, she is a locomotive—with a Pullman car attached.” James often made such underhanded compliments about Isabella, yet he constantly found himself drawn to her. He didn’t think she was particularly intelligent. He found her to be a little too forceful, yet he wrote, “how fond of her one always is for the perfect terms one is on with her, her admirable ease, temper and facilite a vivre.” As Vigderman told me in an interview, “Whatever else she was, Isabella was fun.” The essayist John Jay Chapman described her as “a fairy in a machine shop.” The famous Sargent painting of her—in a long black dress, with just the hint of cleavage and a patterned background that lends her both a halo and a crown—shocked Bostonians so much that her husband asked that she not have it displayed. After he died, she put it up in the Gothic room, where it looms high over all the other paintings. Her glowing skin seems to hover away from the canvas.
I like to think we have room as a nation for one weirdo who canoes everywhere, and I’m sorry he’s gone (I feel about this guy like a bunch of people felt about the Maine Hermit, I think, prob bc no stealing candy and propane):
If you asked Conant about his experiences on the country’s waterways, he would grin sheepishly, pause, size up your listening capacity, and then let go with a monologue as unstoppable as a river. In recalling a trip that began in July, 2009, and concluded in September, 2010, for instance, he said, “I took a Greyhound bus, like usual, out to northern Minnesota, place called Bemidji. I went to Gander Mountain, bought a boat, got some supplies at—not Walmarts, but that other big one? Kmarts! Got all my supplies ready to go, put in my boat on a lake next to Bemidji, one of a string of lakes that forms the headwaters of the Mississippi. So I took the Mississippi from Bemidji to New Orleans. I got on the Intracoastal Waterway east, going toward where Lake Borgne empties into Lake Pontchartrain, and vice versa. At Rigolets Pass, I ran into a duck hunter who also happened to be a lawyer for one of the parishes, for the sheriff’s department. I was going looking for ice. We got to talking. He goes, ‘Holy mackerel, you already came all that distance?’ I said, ‘Yeah, I’m not even halfway where I’m going!’ He asked if I need anything. I said, ‘If there’s a hardware store nearby, I’d like to get some fixings so I can make a little cart. I got about a hundred miles portage from here to Mobile, Alabama.’ He says, ‘The heck with that, I’ll give you a ride!’ I became good friends with the guy.”
Here is a link that is hilarious!
Someone has transcribed the labels of things from the 1966 Batman TV show and they are spectacular. Highly recommend; was laughing so hard at this last night that I literally couldn’t breathe.
I love everything about this!
BATCRIMEPUTER
The labeled batpoles!
This is INCREDIBLE. Thank you for this gift.
It is truly and sincerely my pleasure.
I’m using the label maker at work to make a sticker for my phone that says GOSSIP PHONE
That is brilliant. I love a bit of ridiculous old-school Batman.
omg
“SECRET REFRIGERATOR
DO NOT OPEN”
How could you not open that upon seeing the Do Not Open sign?
Our Secret Refrigerator in the lab has severed legs in it, open at your own risk.
Ok, I’m seriously considering labeling everything in my lab to make it look like the bat cave…
This… this is the very thing for which social media was made.
THIS IS THE BEST
One of the small highlights of Spectre is the old school gadget labels in the Bond car.
THANK YOU FOR THIS!
INTERGALACTIC RECORDER
My basement needs an “Entrance to Sub-Subterranean Grotto” sign.
This is wonderful.
Scanning quickly through them with Friday eyes, I stopped at “Electronic Buggering Device.” “What was the plotline there?” I wondered, eyebrows raised.
It was, of course, the Electronic Bugging Device, which is not nearly so query inducing.
Those gingerbread house mug cookies might be the stupidest thing I have ever seen in my life. And I remember the Twilight genitalia soap.
…Twilight…genitalia…soap? I’m afraid.
You’re right, those cookies are the dumbest.
Also, cookies aside, who is buying all this pre-made food like LOBSTER MINI BURGERS from Williams-Sonoma?
Mail-order food is the goddess’ way of telling you you have too much money.
Oh my god, he has tattoos. Generation Y, we are now in charge.
You know, at some point, you won’t be able to say “Don’t do X if you ever want to be president!” about ANYTHING anymore. I mean, let’s face it, within 10-20 years, we’ll have the first head of state of whom we’ve seen embarrassing social media pictures, I guarantee it. Maybe even a risqué selfie.
I look forward to this!
Nah, we’ll just create new and IMHO better taboos. Sex tape when you were nineteen? Awkward. Racist comments on Twitter? Fuck right off.
Though our prime minister appears to have survived the “cock in a dead pig’s mouth” incident, so we could definitely set our standards a little higher.
Well, yes, obviously only the funny and harmless taboos.
Well, I kinda wish he wasn’t a white guy with a haida design tattoo… although I guess the actual Haida artist it was based on is cool with it, so ok. http://news.nationalpost.com/news/canada/haida-le…
I do like though that it’s to cover up a previous bad 90s tattoo. My generation! You can age us by our terrible 90s tattoos. (I include myself in this. No regrets. Just wow, tattooing has come a long way.)
I have a fairly complicated full back piece that covered up a small line drawing that wasn’t terrible, but it was…simple. And taking up valuable real estate where I really wanted something fancier. So I feel that!
Robert Davidson’s work is so great. At one point I thought about a Coast Salish piece, but I’m pretty freaking white and have no connection beyond a deep affection for it, so I decided to just save money and buy art from an artist instead.
But several US Presidents have had them, too! Although really who among us would be surprised that Teddy Roosevelt had one? http://mentalfloss.com/article/50761/10-historica…
I’m looking forward to telling my dad, pretty sure he’s in for a fainting spell.
And that boxing match with his political opponent! I can’t believe this guy is real.
The political opponent is now suspended for SHADY DEALINGS, which makes it all even more intriguing.
*emails self the sex toy article link so I can read it on my phone and not on my massive computer monitor at work*
I already devoured it–the beauty of work-from-home Fridays!
SAME.
Every single one of the vibrators pictured in that piece have terrible reviews, unfortunately. I wish they had featured something actually good :/
OKC, I am so proud of you, I never doubted, not for a minute.
Thanks! I live in OKC and never doubted either. The rest of the country seems deeply invested in the idea that we’re a bunch of racist dumbasses, but for the most part we aren’t like that at all. The “All-White Jury!” hysteria really got on my nerves.
If OKC has a personality, it’s closer to “We don’t have any power and we’re inclined to protect the powerless from those who would abuse them”. So thanks for the support! 🙂
I was stationed at Tinker and I have such strong residual OKC/OK in general feelings. It is definitely not something I feel towards every area where I was in the Air Force, but OK is an exception. (San Angelo too.)
I will complain about Vermont til the end of time. (Out of love.) But I fucking adore Oklahoma and no one is allowed to say a bad word about it. Ever.
You sound like my bff! She came here from Indiana when her boyfriend was stationed at Tinker. She was just terrified of everyone, since the national narrative had convinced her we were all a bunch of dumb hicks. By the time she left, she felt the same way you do.
Sadly, they were transferred to Grand Forks, ND last year and it actually does sound like a scary racist backwater, which I didn’t expect. Some jerks even burned down the Somali restaurant there.
I think that referring to people being doubtful that an all-white, primarily male, jury would be willing to convict a cop on the word of poor black women, many of whom had histories of drug use/sex work as “hysteria” is pretty insensitive. I am glad to be wrong, but the fact that he was cleared of all charges in regards to five of his victims shows that peoples’ fear wasn’t unfounded. Also, worrying about the composition of the jury had a lot more to do with the racism of white Americans generally rather than any stereotypes about people from Oklahoma specifically.
Those detectives investigating Holzclaw DID THE WORK and I hope they get some kind of recognition for it. (See Buzzfeed article here: http://www.buzzfeed.com/jtes/daniel-holtzclaw-all… I started to type out a long thing but basically they took that shit seriously from the start and did a TON of leg work to ID who other possible victims were and approach them all. I can’t imagine what it must have felt like for those women, who had been living with the idea that nothing could/would be done about the assault, to have someone in a position of authority come to them with a message that not only was the work being done to locate them but that they would be believed. It’s no wonder several of them started crying immediately.
SO off-topic, but i read this as “ok cupid, i am so proud of you” and it was so much more whimsical and sweet
I’m sure you’ve by now seen the pictures of Trudeau welcoming some Syrian refugees at the Toronto airport last night.. sure, it’s a photo-op, but it’s still so, SO lovely. https://twitter.com/JustinTrudeau/status/67531438…
Oh my goodness, yes! I was just going to share this round up of them: http://www.buzzfeed.com/franciswhittaker/tru-love
My second questions was going to be, does anyone know where I can get pink jeans with blue roses in an adult size?
HE IS JUST A GREASY POLITICIAN LIKE THE REST OF THEM BUT I AM LEGIT CRYING OVER THESE PICS NOW
Yup, he’s playing me like a cheap fiddle, but I’m not even mad about it.
he can fiddle me any day if you know what I mean
none of you are helping my Justin Trudeau sex dream problem!
Justin really knows how to work photo ops. I am not saying that in a cynical “it’s all a set-up and nothing is real!!!” kind of way. I genuinely admire this, partly because it’s good politics and heartwarming and partly because my thirst for JT will never be quenched. It’s such a refreshing change to have a prime minister who deliberately chooses to interact with other human beings in public.
It is sad that this is necessary, but given that humanizing Syrian refugees is important, this seems like a very effective way to do it.
And it’s very smart, deliberate political theatre.
Publicly enacting/witnessing to our values is meaningful.
That is the nicest way to explain why photo ops aren’t always a bad thing.
I teared up anyway! As with Obama’s photo ops with kids. Can’t help it. Love to see a leader who takes the time to bond with people who can’t vote for him.
agreed. This photo will never not get to me,
Yeah, I periodically will just look up that photo and read the accompanying articles. It’s simultaneously quiet and seismic to me.
This photo gets me every time.
I had not seen that photo and I am floored. That is incredible.
When I was a wee sprout, my mom took me to the Commonwealth Club to hear Rep. Patricia Schroeder, who was contemplating running for president. At the end, there was a Q&A, and I stood on a chair to ask her a question about education policy that had been weighing on me. (I was a very earnest wee sprout, and a public school kid.) She didn’t laugh at me, and she answered with equal earnestness.
I value this trait in politicians.
The thing is, yeah, it’s a photo op, but it sets the tone. Like look at all the damage Harper did with his stupid niqab ban. Racist attacks went up after that. People take their inspiration from the top, even if we like to think we don’t. It sends a strong message that the Prime Minister and the Premier were there.
I was saying on twitter, I’m sure the littler kids haven’t got a clue who this guy is or why he’s talking to them, but I bet they appreciate it anyway. “I don’t know who you are or why you’re here, but you smiled at me and gave me a plushie! New best friend!”
Right, it’s a photo-op, but he is sending a deliberate and very important message with it! When the PM stops to welcome refugees at the airport, that’s an explicit statement that the national policy is one of welcome and acceptance. Not a grudging “well, I guess we’ll take them”, not trying to sneak them in under the radar, but an active open-armed welcome. I don’t know how well that will translate into actual assistance from the government or welcome from everyday Canadians, but it’s still a meaningful gesture all the same.
I wonder too how everyday Canadians will welcome people, but I’m generally very hopeful! In my little (quite rural, conservative, and very white) community in Saskatchewan, over 1500 people have joined a group on FB to offer whatever help they can to refugees. It’s amazing and inspiring – a mix of immigrants, professionals, secular groups, church types….
This was their first little event.
It’s been the same in my tiny, rural, northern town! Well, maybe not quite so strong a reaction, but we raised $11,000 in one night to sponsor a family!
Something that just occurred to me is that one of the reasons we love this is that it would NOT be a popular photo op for a US politician to do this, and so it reminds us that Canada can be a racist mess like everywhere else, but Justin feels confident enough that people will be moved by this that it IS a calculated popularity grab, and that’s pretty great.
It’s certainly not as big of a gesture, but if you follow Humans of New York on Facebook (which, if you do not, HASTEN THEE TO FOLLOW it is fantastic) you would have seen that Brandon is currently doing a series on Syrian refugees who have recently been accepted to the US and will be coming here soon. Anyway, President Obama wrote a lovely comment for one of the refugees: http://www.humansofnewyork.com/post/134930208041/…
Yeah, but he still isn’t allowing any single men in. Like, say, gay men, whom ISIS loves to stone and chuck off buildings.
I don’t agree with single men being very low on the priority list. A lot of families sent their sons away to prevent them from being forced to fight.
Here’s something on how they’re screening for gay men. The process sounds imperfect at best: http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/2015/11/25/syrian-re…
“Later, Liberal officials clarified that single men are eligible for government-sponsored resettlement in Canada if their life is at risk because of their sexual orientation. They may also come to Canada if they are privately sponsored.”
I would be happier if he was welcoming about 10 times the number, ultimately . . . 25,000 is a tiny drop in the bucket.
Well, it’s 25,000 by March, with the intention of taking more afterwards. I’m in favour of bringing way more, too, but I will accept that there are logistical challenges to bringing a bunch of people that fast and 25,000 may be as many as they can do by that date. It does no one any good if we bring people over and don’t have our shit together to support them.
Having shit together to support people is not easy, I get it. But the speed at which getting shit together happens is politically as well as practically determined. 35,000 Syrians by the end of next year, 10,000 of them privately sponsored, is a lot for Canada compared to how many refugees the country usually takes. But it’s a tiny amount compared to how many people emigrate into the country per year under one of the world’s most restrictive and onerous immigration regimes, and it’s a tiny amount in all other absolute or comparative terms. Unless your point of comparison is pro capita vs the US, which has been the basis for a lot of Canadian complacency for as long as I can remember being Canadiand and knowing what the world ‘complacency’ meant.
What a delightful collection this morning!
“The Inez– LELO’s coveted $15,000 24-karat gold vibrator.”
I don’t even know what to say.
I keep getting emails from LELO because I bought one thing from them once. They are often hilarious, particularly some of the names.
rich tapestry…rich tapestry…rich tapestry
Coveted by whom???
I mean, if you had an absurd amount of money, why not? Weren’t there stories going around a few years ago about Victoria Beckham having a diamond-covered vibrator?
That seems….scratchy. I’m gonna go with a hard no on items that can cut glass in my naughty bits.
That sounds like that Autostraddle story about why a vagina-having person should never have sex with another vagina-having person who has rhinestone-encrusted fingernails. OUCH.
I don’t think it matters whether the other person has a vagina! I mean, rhinestone nails and vaginas aren’t suddenly going to work just because be-rhinestoned person has a penis!
“For the discerning clit.”
Save $14,940 and buy a Mona 2 instead
Isabella Stewart Gardner was the greatest! You all know about the time she had Young Robert Benchley over for dinner and he thought he was going to get something fancy and she gave him green beans and fish balls, right?
Just want to go on the record here as saying I would matronize (i.e. pay for with money dollars) an illustrated/comics-form Toast story of the life of Simona Kossak, if anybody thinks they might care to draw one.
I have no professional artist credentials but I’d draw one! in the style of Edward Gorey! But no really surely there is a more legit Toastie artist who would do this, and I’d contribute too…
I second this and would be happy to pay Good American Dollars for it.
Matronize! Amazing.
Does Kate Beaton know about her? Because I think she could turn out some amazing stuff on this topic.
I would also pay actual money for this comic. AND I would probably buy prints from the artist if they made them available!
Sansa is getting to be such a big girl already!
She is at LEAST three snorgels larger!
TGIF, seriously.
Some of Benedict Cumberbatch’s hardcore fans tried to get a xoJane writer fired because she tweeted about meeting him and his then still pregnant wife. They believe that both the marriage and the pregnancy are fake and Sophie Hunter is a most evil and controlling person.
How does this happen? How does one become so invested and delusional?
I was JUST reading that!! It’s nuts. I definitely swayed toward that creepy side of fandom when I was a young teen, due in no small part to a LOT of internalized misogyny, but I grew out of it. I have a hard time blaming tweens and teens for this kind of stuff but adults should know better.
Sometimes I feel like really dipping into where that deep investment and delusion comes from, you know? Because it seems to be a very… female-fandom sort of thing? But then I wonder if that’s just me being stereotypical, I don’t know. Most of the time I encounter it, it’s either in this case with real life celebrities where the (presumably mostly) female fandom swears their marriages/relationships/etc, are fake (sometimes with the added awkwardness that it’s all a front because said actor is really gay and in love with the other male character who conveniently plays the fictional ship they’re also certain is canon), or alternatively things like insisting a favorite character is secretly alive a year after their death.
I’m really curious what plays into that, though. Is it some weird twisted rebellion as a result of television that rarely gives women/girls what they want to see? Is it more of a mob mentality thing where they don’t really believe it, they just thrive on the attention and the sense of having a group of people who believe/encourage the delusion with them?
And you can’t say it’s all a “teenage girls” thing despite the stereotype, quite a few of the women I have known who have been involved in similar “conspiracy” groups have been in their late 20s/30s/etc.
I think if I were a psychological major and not an English major I would research this, lol.
That’s a good point about the media not giving women what they want to see.
I assume a great part of this fantasy comes from knowing that they will never be with the celebrity of their choice themselves, and so the celebrity should at least be with someone the fans approve of – not someone who came out of nowhere, like Sophie Hunter.
And I also guess that the mob mentality plays into this, as well – it may be that you start developing your theory because you want attention. And once you have someone’s attention, you start to invest more and more time and energy in the topic, until you actually believe it – and this just goes on and on.
This is fascinating and I want to read all about it. It’s a lot like the weirdness surrounding One Direction, that they’re all secretly in love with each other and covering it up, but I’ve read that the band members are are actually quite baffled and/or upset with these insinuations. But one of my friends is invested in it, and I just do not get it AT ALL.
I think that a lot of the more extreme fangirl stuff, especially for younger women, comes from having a space to kind of safety explore sexuality/love without any of the complications. When that fantasy gets punctured, the reaction can be extreme, depending on the person. And a lot of slash fandom like 5-10 years ago was super misogynistic, with a lot of hatred for female characters/love interests that kind of transferred over to real people when shipping real people became more ‘mainstream’ for lack of a better word. I think that went hand in hand with the advent of instagram/twitter and 24/7 access to the object of obsession. Like had Orlando Bloom had snapchat in 2001, I don’t even know, you guys.
This kind of behavior definitely exists in men, though I think it presents somewhat differently… I’m thinking of the idol fandom in Japan, where favorite celebrities have to stay pure/unattached so their fans can keep the fantasy alive (though I think that’s changing, thank god). I think with young men it’s less socially acceptable to have the kind of emotional celebrity crushes that are seen as ‘normal’ in young women, too.
I have read something before, or talked to someone before, who speculated that in some ways that is why m/m slash shipping (with actors?) is so prevalent especially around femal teens because it’s “safe” for them somehow? They can ship the characters together and explore that idea of sexuality and love, without feeling “threatened”? Which is why they tend to lash out when said characters date women, or the actors do. It’s this weird internalized misogyny where from a young age they’re taught that other women are a threat, but other men aren’t. So shipping m/m either in fiction or otherwise is safe, but heaven forbid another female gets close, idk.
Then again I also read something about how m/m seems so prevalent just because there’s so few female characters in relation to male, like with the Avengers, if you’re got say 6 males and 1 female, you can’t be surprised when like 85% of the ships are M/M.
Yeah, I feel like it’s definitely kind of a mental safety net when you’re really obsessed with a real person (rather than a character) to focus on their relationship with somebody else, rather than picturing fantasy scenarios where you end up with them yourself. But that can backfire and go wonky and turn into a “if I can’t have him, no other woman can, so he has to be secretly gay and love with his best friend” to various degrees of over-investment. I just don’t get it like when it gets to the point that some people in one direction fandom are at, where everything is a conspiracy and only they know The Truth. That’s the opposite of comforting or fun to me, and it’s not at all what I want out of my fandom experience?
This is what I don’t understand. I’ve fallen down internet rabbit holes of people convinced that the actors on certain shows are obviously secretly in love and their relationships (even marriages!) are all lies perpetrated by the network/showrunner/PR/whoever. I can totally get wanting to see a pair of good looking people make out, but it seems so stressful and not fun to spend MANY HOURS each day fighting with people on the internet about how X’s tweet was clearly a secret message to Y about their undying love.
For the record, the question of “why do women write so much m/m” has been going around in both fandom and academic circles for a few decades. There are a lot of answers that overlap and vary depending on the person, of course.
But I’m uncomfortable with the assumption that it’s something only teenage girls do. I don’t know that there are good solid numbers out there, but I’d say the majority of slash readers and writers are adult women.
I think in my experience, this way of expressing it is very common amongst girls and women, but the root cause- the sense of entitlement and assumed knowledge of a celebrity’s life, and the constructed idea of having a connection to them- is still VERY present in male-dominated fandom spaces? Dudes often seem, in my experience, to a) go more directly to the source and try to find ways to more directly engage with/harrass the celebrity themselves (…herself, lbr here) and b) do it less by constructing a load of tinhat conspiracy theories that line up with their desires and more by being critical every time the celebrity break their illusion and doesn’t conform to their fantasies.
Why this general (and it is absolutely a generalisation not a rule) trend exists I couldn’t theorise. But I don’t think it’s a thing women and girls do so much as it’s a thing that women and girls broadly tend to do differently.
I also think men tend to blame the celebrity for their disappointment, like you said, harassing them directly or at least disliking them after they don’t conform. Women seem more likely to develop conspiracy theories in which both they and their celebrity of choice are victims of the evil conspiracy and not really to blame, or at least less at blame than whoever the mastermind behind the conspiracy is. It almost reminds me of women being angry at “the other woman” and not their partner when their partner cheats on them.
Men do it too. How many dudes do you know who just cannot comprehend that their ex is over them?
But this being fandom makes it a special case. These ladies have been idolizing, fetishizing (the traditional kind), and adoring Cumberbatch for years. Some fandom are reasonable. Cumberbitches- who chose that name themselves– are not. They are the city of Indianapolis that can’t manage to let go of the aging, sucky Peyton Manning that is Cumberbatch as a romantic prospect. Nothing you can do except laugh with them in 5 years when they realize how ridiculous they were.
Through a series of unfortunate Tumblr clicks I once found myself on a Cumberbaby Truther blog and it was HORRIFYING. These people have dedicated so much time and energy into analyzing every single red carpet or paparazzi photo to find evidence that B.Cumbs is miserable and Sophie is a witch and if only he could have gotten together with Lupita Nyong’o instead (?) but his mother is too racist to let that happen (??). I think a little bit of my soul left my body just by reading it.
????? To be fair, they are both definitely in the top 5 most perfect women in the entire world, but ??????
Lupita is so above Cumberbatch, it’s not even funny.
I think that there are certain people in the arts who get to a part of you that’s so deeply, intrinsically important that, unless you’ve got a pretty solid grounding in reality, you can’t imagine that they don’t feel the same way that you do and/or that anyone else could relate to them the way you can. This can also happen to fictional characters (witness the number of fans in just about any fandom who insist that their fanon is not only better than, but actually supercedes, canon), and sometimes some fans have a hard time differentiating between actors and their characters. One notorious example is from the late Leonard Nimoy, who told a story about a fan who wanted him to lay hands on her mother to heal her of some chronic illness. Nimoy gently tried to dissuade her of her delusion (and, the Trekkie in me feels compelled to point out, Vulcans have never been shown to possess empathic healing powers), and the fan said that of course she knew that Spock wasn’t real… but, you know, it wouldn’t hurt to try.
It feels weird that I’ve been a part of really hardcore parts of fandom for SO long that reading this was like “dang, another guy dealing with this?” and just added him to my mental list of celebrities afflicted by tinhatters. Like this is my normal expectation for popular dudes. The world is a terrifying place…
Right? Like I remember back in the fandom_wank days, and the IMMENSE SHITSTORM that was…one lady’s conviction that various Hobbit actors were gay, and now I’ve got to go look that up again, because: damn. Also: fucking Snapewives, man.
I’m a big fan of his, and I remember thinking, ages ago, that I felt sorry for whomever he eventually married, because it was inevitable that shit like this would happen. It makes me sad. (And angry.)
I need emergency bad influences!
I’ve had a tattoo artist working on a design since September (He’s crazy busy) and its taken so long that I thought I’d probably wait until January to get the tattoo done because I could afford it better then
However, I’m going in to see the design tonight, and they have space tomorrow afternoon; So if I’m happy with it I should just get it done right? I can take the money out of my savings (It’ll be a hit, but not too much) and I really want it!
I need someone to support me in my reckless spending, fuck being an adult, I’m spending my money on epic tattoos. (No nay-sayer’s pls, I don’t need reminding that I’m supposed to be a responsible grown ass woman now.)
TREAT YO SELF
Go for it! It could be your christmas* present to yourself!
Edit: *holiday of your choice
DO IT and then we need pictures.
I love you guys.
do it do it do it do it
DO ITTTT
DOOOOOO IT
Do it!!!
Go for it! I keep wanting to type YOLO and am embarrassed by it!
I leave my desk for 5 minutes and I come back to a bunch of people enabling me. I love this place.
Assuming you’re in the Northern Hemisphere, the earlier you get the tattoo, the more time it has to heal up before summer and sunshine. So, like, LOGICALLY, you should totes go for it.
Yes! The heal time would be the difference between covering totally and just using some good sunscreen! Go go go go go go go!
And swimming in the ocean (if you ever swim in oceans.)
YES! And share some pics with us if you are so inclined!
The sooner you get it, the longer you have it, so the better deal it is for your money! Completely objective math!
Cost per wear, man. Tattoos are automatically cheap.
*you count each wear from when you wake up til when you go to sleep.
I AGREE WITH THIS LOGIC.
Do it!!! If you’re comfortable sharing, what’s the design?
What are you saving that money for if not to spend on it on things you want? You can’t take it with you when you die, but I’m pretty sure that tattoos are literally forever
GET INKED
post photos!
DO IT
I support your choices.
if you want it, ever, you want it now! you’ll be so happy when you see it on you! eeeee!
My only tattoo regret is that I don’t have MORE.
Well of course you should get ‘er done this weekend! Pop a cannagummy, get stuck for a few hours, and delight in your life well lived.
I waited TOO LONG to get my tattoo (other than a very small line drawing) I decided that I needed to be enough of an adult that I had an RRSP, so I was already in my 30s when that happened and by then my tattoo fantasizing had overgrown to the point where I now have a full back, up the back of my neck, out the shoulders, down into my ass.
In conclusion: DO IT.
“She had two large diamonds attached to wires and wore them bouncing in her hair. At the opening of her museum, she served champagne and donuts.”
Oh, Isabella.
I took my mom to the ISG when she visited last, and she was fascinated by the number of paintings and artifacts that depicted the Madonna breastfeeding. I had never noticed it when I’d gone before, but Isabella had a lot of pieces with that motif, which is something I haven’t seen in many other religious art collections. It made me wish I knew more about art history, because it’s something that feels like it has great significance, but I don’t know how to analyze it. (I guess this is kind of like all the security guards having their own theories about the art.)
If only we knew someone who has an interest in art history and might opine for us …
Well, I know what my next meal is going to be.
Champagne and doughnuts is a great combination. The bubbles set off the nutmeg, and the acidity cuts through the heavy mouthfeel of the oil.
OH I AM HERE FOR THAT! In Holy Feast, Holy Fast (a+ feminist history/theology/art history) Caroline Bynum argues that milk and blood were symbolically quite close in medieval culture, so breastfeeding Madonnas are a representation of the feminine aspects of the divine as well as a subversive embrace of the divine potential of women usually scorned bodily-ness.
The same is true for pictures of christ cupping wounds on his chest where a breast would be, it’s an allegory for breastfeeding.
Or as my tutor said when I was but a wee first year: “it’s all about leaky women and their unstable bodies.” And then she launched into a discussion of face-fucking.
Oh thank you!! I feel like ISG would have been super into “subversive women’s bodily-ness,” so that makes sense.
Good to see someone posted about Bynum before me! Isn’t it a great book!
So good! It’s definitely in the top 5 things I read for undergrad, and set me on the path towards annoying post-modern tendencies in the best possible way. I’ve been meaning to reread it and this is just the push!
There is religious significance at least! Who knows if ISG was aware of it or if she was just really into the motif that shows how important Mary was to the salvation of all humankind (if you believe what Christians say at least).
I would highly recommend Holy Feast, Holy Fast by Caroline Bynum (to everyone to read because it’s really good). It is a book about food and medieval female sanctity and piety. Chapter 9, “Woman as Body and as Food” deals with this.
Cliffnotes version of Bynum’s argument: Eucharist is Jesus providing nourishment and life from his body. Breastfeeding is women doing the same thing. That’s why there are so many paintings that portray Jesus basically breastfeeding blood from his side wound. So basically, in the medieval period, lactation was sometimes interpreted as a very powerful action. Add that to MARY who actually used this power of LIFE GIVING AND NOURISHMENT on JESUS who then did that for ALL OF HUMANITY through the Eucharist, and you can see why art might have taken a bit of an interest in the subject. Also fun is the fact that female saints and mystics who experienced stigmata had that associated with lactation and breastfeeding by some hagiographers. I think that’s the jist of her argument at least.
And also, at least this is what I am arguing in my thesis and it seems to be supported by a lot of actual scholars, the power in the breastfeeding/eucharist connection for women and spirituality played a role in the development of ideas about witches who were usually either suckling or being suckled by the Devil.
Since I’m on a roll apparently, does Mallory take pitches for “…in Western Art”? Because “Christ’s Side Wound in Western Art Ranked from How Much it Looks Like a Stab Wound to the Side to How Much it Looks Like a Vagina” could be fun!
Your thesis sounds amazing!
I knew Toasties would come through for me on this. I’m going to have to pick up this Bynum book. And your thesis sounds so cool.
Thanks, guys! I’m thinking of calling it “Witches and Bitches (spoiler: it’s the Church who are the bitches)” but I don’t think that will fly.
Maybe have a secret version you give that title too and share with us here?
#Best.Title.Ever
I took an entire art history class on ISG and the museum! My thesis for the class explored the mythologies behind all the ancient art in the courtyard (depictions of Medusa, Diana, satyrs, etc.) and how the narratives could be strung together to tell us something about ISG’s feelings on womanhood. It was a little bit of a stretch, but it was hard not to try and read into every aesthetic decision she made. My take on the number of madonnas and pieces like the child’s sarcophagus (which is placed smack dab in the middle of the museum) were that ISG really upped her collecting in part as a distraction from the grief of losing her 2 year old son.
Maria Lactans imagery gets sent right to the front of the line with no waiting in my online rosary group. Nice to know where a bunch can be found.
God, I saw the livestream of the Holtzclaw trial and it was SO INFURIATING
after he was sentenced he started sobbing and actually had the nerve to QUESTION the judges. He was like “How could you do that” or something
MOTHERFUCKER YOU RAPED MORE THAN TWO DOZEN WOMEN STOP FUCKING CRYING YOU DICK BITCH
I watched the verdict live too and while everyone was filing into the courtroom I realized I was shaking. I felt physical relief when the judge read the verdicts.
I’m always amazed at men who are surprised to face accountability for their actions.
By “amazed” I mean “restraining myself from punching in the junk”, obvs.
This also happened when the death verdict came out for the Delhi Gang Rape case…the lawyer actually had the nerve to ask why the woman was hanging out with a man at night. It seriously made me want to tear my hair out it was so upsetting.
I’m always amazed at the ones who are like, “I’m so sorry [tears], I never meant to hurt anyone, etc.” I mean, I know their lawyers tell them to say that, but I’m like, “If you were so sorry you should have stopped after the first time. The fact that you did it twelve more times is clear evidence that you are sorry you got caught, and I have NO SYMPATHY. No, I have the opposite of sympathy. You are a worm. Just shut your mouth. Fake apologizing makes it worse.” I can’t imagine the level of my fury if this was one of my friends or family members.
To clarify, I would not have sympathy if he raped only one woman either, but at least I might possibly find his apology credible (like he cares).
I remember when the guilty verdict came down for Jerry Sandusky, and there was this picture of him leaving the courtroom with this utterly baffled look on his face. Like, “consequences aren’t supposed to apply to me! I’m not a regular person! I’m Jerry Sandusky!”
Given the huge amount of pushback that the prosecutors and campus officials who moved the case forward got–especially when it touched on Joe Paterno, the veneration of whom was difficult to comprehend outside of College Station–he was almost right.
ugh it’s like 3 years later and I’m still mad about how many of my highly-intelligent friends from my time at Penn State were defending Paterno.
The sound of that man sobbing was like music to my ears.
In his closing arguments, BuzzFeed News reports, Holtzclaw’s defense lawyer Scott Adams said that Holtzclaw was an “honorable and ethical police officer.”
“He was aggressive, he was vigilant, and he was honest,” Adams said. “Without people like Daniel Holtzclaw patrolling the streets, what are we?” According to BuzzFeed, a woman in the gallery responded: “Safe.” <—— straight-up hero
There would have been straight-up applause if I’d been there to hear her say that. (if there wasn’t already) Well done.
[mic drop]
I’ve never even lived in New York and that article made me depressed. Whatever weird sanitized New York those corporate landlords are envisioning when they triple the rent (!) on a business that’s been there for decades is not one I see myself wanting to visit very often, honestly.
There’s a real old, real shitty dive bar that is down the street from the Whole Foods I worked at when I lived in New York, and they are closing this month or next because their rent got quadrupled or something like that.
RIP Raccoon Lodge.
Weird question perhaps best saved for the OT later but…
Does anyone else have a bunch of Christmas music faves that are actually REALLY bad and/or embarrassing, but you love because they comprised a huge part of your childhood thanks to your mom/dad/caretaker?
For instance, I love Neil Diamond’s Happy Christmas (War is Over) more than any other version. When I first heard John Lennon’s version late in my childhood I thought it sucked. The Neil Diamond Christmas album may be my favorite holiday album. I told my mom this a few years ago and she was like “what the hell?!” and i was like well it’s because of YOU!!
I also just realized I like crappy, overly-synth-y electronic music today most likely because of how many times I played Mannheim Steamroller’s first Christmas album as a kid.
I rock the Raffi Christmas Album like NO OTHER.
Dave Matthews, The Christmas Song. I have an embarrassing love of that one (and a lot of Dave Matthews Band, actually. I KNOW.)
Me too! I have been made fun of for it by so many people in my life, but bah, brushing that dirt off my shoulder and blasting, quietly in my headphones, “Ants Marching”. It’s what holds me together when I have to take the subway at rush hour.
Is the John Denver Muppets Christmas album embarrassing? Because I love it 1000x forever.
You are not alone! I love it so much and with zero irony. It’s morphed into a family joke, we’ll sing Miss Piggy’s FIVE GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLD RINGS (ba dum dum dum) in between peals of laughter.
Same! That is unequivocally my family’s absolute favorite, and I will love it until the end of my days.
It feels too right to be wrong.
I’m so glad to see fellow John Denver and the Muppets enthusiasts. It is the best, ever.
The “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas” duet between John Denver and Rolf the dog is honestly one of the nicest versions I’ve ever heard.
I also love Animal doing “Little Saint Nick.”
It’s my favorite version of that song and it makes me cry sometimes.
I am, of course, listening to this now. Why do I listen to anything else?
My favorite is “A Christmas Together – John Denver & The Muppets”. We still listen to this every year.
Less embarrassing and more just a really odd choice, but an annual tradition of myself and my father is to drive to L.L. Bean (which is open 24/7/365) on either Christmas Eve or Christmas Day and Woody Guthrie’s “1913 Massacre” is always played at least once on the ride up and once on the ride back.
that is wonderful.
The Hanson Christmas album, Snowed In. Although it’s not BAD at all (it’s amazing tbh) but it’s embarrassing because the moment you mention “Hanson” out loud to anyone they instantly go “Hahahaha Mmmmbop??” like they haven’t had 3958493 songs and like 8 or whatever albums since then BUT OKAY.
(Go listen to their Christmas album though.)
It’s not officially Christmas until I’ve listened to Snowed In. The hymn medley is my favorite, tbh.
/pulls up Spotify
Hahaha, I hear you, fellow Hanson fan!
This comment reminded me that I still have the Snowed In CD (somewhere) and it’s not on my computer. I know what I’m doing this weekend.
I originally had it on CASSETTE ofc. But I now have it downloaded from google play haha, so I can listen to it WHENEVER I WANT.
I really love Bob Dylan’s Christmas album, and will listen to it several times each Christmas season. His voice is so creaky and the background choir is so cheesy but I love it.
Bob Dylan’s version of the Little Drummer Boy is my favorite.
Must Be Santa is possibly my husband’s favorite Christmas song. You are not alone.
That’s one of my mom’s favorites, so I’m fond it it as well.
This is very embarrassing to admit, but I always listen to Robert Earl Keen’s Merry Christmas from the Family. I’d suggest watching a live version because the music video and most youtube slide show fan mixes are just super offensive, or I guess the karaoke version that’s only lyrics because a lot of the live versions are a mess. But the song itself is pretty enjoyable, especially because I had a mixed family, both with half-siblings and step relations and also white/hispanic, and I just had never heard a song that covered all of that and included a lyric about tampons.
And now that I’m far from home, it feels good just to hear somebody say “Marlburl lights”.
Also, it’s fair if you hate the song: I hate myself for not hating it. I’ve also played it on a loop while thinking about this comment, so … sorry.
No, it’s great! One of my friends, a True Texan to his boots, uses it in an ESL lesson he teaches each year. It’s such a nice slice of real life in the States.
We blast that one while decorating the tree every year. One of my favorites!
When I was 2 or 3 years old, my mom sent my dad out for Christmas music and he returned with “Christmas Eve on Sesame Street” and “The Star Wars Holiday Special” soundtrack. My mom was furious, but we listened to them while decorating the tree. And every year after that, those were the albums we put on while decorating the tree, up until I finished college and stopped going home early enough to decorate with my family. My dad and I love them dearly and everyone else I know hates them.
this is an amazing story and i love your family
I have no idea if it’s associated, but “Christmas in the Stars: A Star Wars Christmas Album” is my favourite! I tried to convince my old-time band that we should cover “What Do You Get a Wookiee for Christmas (If He Already Owns a Comb)” but it didn’t fly.
Yes! That is the one we had. I’ve never actually watched the star wars Christmas special, so I’d always assumed they were the same thing, but I guess they aren’t? But, yes! I’m glad I’m not the only one
The Star Wars holiday special isn’t explicitly about Christmas (it’s about a Wookiee holiday called “Life Day”; what is that holiday about? no one seems to know or care) so there isn’t any Christmas music in it as far as I recall, just a lot of stuff by very random bands who were convinced to appear in the special.
I could be mis-remembering, maybe there is some Christmas music shoehorned in somehow, but I’m definitely not going to rewatch it to find out. It is unbelievably bad.
I found Sesame Street Chistmas on iTunes last year and immediately melted into a puddle of cheesy nostalgic goo. No shame. My husband (a few years older) was raised on the John Denver one, which I never heard before we met. Probably because my parents never got over JD’s death.
I don’t know that this is necessarily embarrassing but when I was a kid we would listen to a Mitch Miller Christmas album while decorating the tree and now Christmas doesn’t feel like Christmas without a bunch of men heartily singing carols in unison.
Two favorites: Sweetest Dreams be Thine, by Theodore Bikel and the Pennywhistlers, which is partially in… Yiddish, maybe Hebrew? Also Jingle Bells
by Jimmy Dean, the sausage man, featuring his like four-year-old son at the time, Jimmy Dean Jr.
Obviously we had both of these on vinyl.
The John Lennon xmas song is the woooooorst. I know they were going for “nice children’s choir” but it always comes off as more “sad gulag children” to me.
“Sad gulag children” might be exactly what I need to get myself through the horrors of hearing that on the radio for the next two weeks. I thank you.
It is, it so is, but every couple of years or so I think “war really *would* be over if all of us wanted it to be” and burst into tears which I think is an important thing for a Christmas song to do.
It really depends on where you stand regarding Barbra Streisand’s Christmas album.
I couldn’t recall if I had ever heard this before so I just put it on Spotify…. Oh my god I LOVED THIS ALBUM. Her version of Jingle Bells is the best.
Of COURSE my mother played Streisand just about as much as she played Neil Diamond.
I love her Jingle Bells!
I…have a soft spot for “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer”.
YES, I like my Christmas songs depressing and/or slightly demented.
I grew up in part with Doctor Demento compilation tapes. I, also, love Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer.
“You can say you don’t believe in Santa, but as for me and grandpa, we believe!”
John Denver- Christmas Like A Lullaby is my secret nostalgia shame
NO shame for my love of synth-pop xmas songs, though
I have unironic love for Do They Know It’s Christmas, even though it is a terrible, terrible garbage song. Also, the 12 Days of Christmas parody, 12 Pains of Christmas. The guy trying to get his lights up kills me every time.
NOW WHY THE HELL ARE THEY BLINKING
It’s not terrible, but really old-fashioned: songs sung by Roger Whittaker or Tennessee Ernie Ford. I just love those deep booming voices singing Christmas songs, especially twee songs. Roger Whittaker booming out the words “Ding dong merrily on high” and Tennessee Ernie Ford singing about raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens–it just makes me so happy.
Everyone acts like Wonderful Christmastime is basically a war crime, but I have no beef with it, and often find it kind of fun and bouncy.
Wonderful Christmastime is definitely up there in my fav Christmas songs. Haters to the left, etc.
I love the sound effects in that song.
I am so glad that someone actually likes this because frankly I’ve always wondered why on earth they keep playing it when everyone hates it.
I have a version of this with Martin Sheen, Stockard Channing, and John Spencer. It’s pretty hilarious. Martin Sheen sounds constipated.
So my mom was in college when Do They Know It’s Christmas came out, and she has a huge nostalgic fondness for it and played it CONSTANTLY when I was a kid. So I imprinted on it when I was too young to know better, and even now that I know it’s awful condescending garbage, I . . . still sing along sometimes. *hangs head*
I grew up with a lot of really generic Christmas music (you know, the kinds of compilation albums where afterwards you’d be hard pressed to name a single song or artist from the thing you just heard), so I didn’t grow up with anything particularly interesting.
But some of the stranger current staples of Christmas now are:
– “Santa Came On a Nuclear Missile” by Heather Noel
– “Here Comes Santa Claus” by Bob Dylan (He really manages to make Santa’s impending arrival sound kind of frightening.)
– The whole Twisted Sister Christmas album
And if you want your Christmas songs kind of depressing:
– “Song of the Magi” by Anais Mitchell
– “The Ragpicker’s Dream” by Mark Knopfler
– “Christmas Card from a Hooker in Minneapolis” by Tom Waits (Obviously.)
And my fiance and I have an ongoing debate about whether the “Snow” number in White Christmas is terrible or not. (He’s in the “it’s definitely terrible” camp, and I think the fact that wanting to wash your hair with snow is a ridiculous idea is one of the song’s main selling points.)
Oh man, “Come on Christmas” from Dwight Yokam is my fav sad Christmas jam.
I will definitely need to look that up, because it seems I have a pretty strong need to collect more sad Christmas tunes 🙂
I tried to watch that movie with my parents two years ago because I’d never seen it and felt like I should, and…wow. We made it about halfway through before I was like, “can we go play Quiddler now?”
Song of the Magi is a featured track on my spotify mix, “melancholly hollyday.”
When I was in university, a friend of mine from New Jersey introduced me to Lou Monte’s Dominick the Italian Christmas Donkey song. …and I’m a little embarrassed to say that it has become a staple of my Christmas playlist…
Amy Grant’s A Christmas Album, in particular “Tennessee Christmas” itwas one of like three vinyl holiday albums we had growing up and it was on a constant loop every Christmas until I was about 15.
We listened to it the other day and even though it sounds so dated now (mr. wobbly was a little taken aback) I STILL LOVE IT and you cannot take it away from me.
I am going to listen to it right now.
I fully love Amy Grant’s Christmas stuff and feel no shame about that love.
Yes, I was just going to say this! Then Home for Christmas joined the brigade and for a few years AG was singing 70% of the Christmas music playing in my house. (The other 30% was Manneheim Steamroller and Michael W. Smith.)
There… there is a song by Alabama called Thistlehair the Christmas Bear, and I…
*hides*
IMMEDIATELY LOOKED IT UP BECAUSE YES.
It was so much gentler and adorable than the raucous parody song I expected, but it is delightful.
U2’s cover of “Christmas (Baby, Please Come Home).” The song itself is cheesy, Bono goes ultra-corny with it…I…I don’t know.
I always think the best fun-Christmas stuff has a light corn-coating. It can’t be all super-serious or all-ironic all the time.
There’s a Brenda Lee song called “I’m Gonna Lasso Santa Claus” that I will never not love (“SQUIRT SQUIRT”). Also, when it’s time to get our Christmas bummer mood on, nothing will do but Roy Orbison’s “Pretty Paper”. We are unashamed.
Oh, I do have one! “I Want an Alien for Christmas” by Fountains of Wayne, it’s been a staple of my christmas music lists since I was 13 and impressionable and genuinely liked Stacy’s Mom.
The muppet version of jingle bell rock from their 1980s television special that my family still has on VHS and we watch every year.
Hoooooo boy. OK so when I was a kid my mom liked to watch The Rosie O’Donnell Show every afternoon and it was on right around the time I usually got home from school so we would watch it together pretty often. Honestly, I loved Rosie O’Donnell. I thought she was hilarious. And this was peak Rosie, in the late 90’s. So, yes, she released a Christmas album. Two, actually. And my mom bought them and we listened to them a whole bunch and my dad hated it a lot. They were almost entirely comprised of her “singing” duets with her famous friends, including Cher, N*SYNC, Donnie Osmond, and… Elmo. Rosie O’Donnell and Elmo doing “Little Drummer Boy” was the first version of that song I ever heard and it’s still kind of my favorite.
Jesus, I just looked up the track listing for the Another Rosie Christmas and the second song is her and Smash Mouth doing a song called “Nuttin’ for Christmas” fuuuuuuuuuck. IF THAT ISN’T ENOUGH YEAR 2000 FOR YOU ALLOW ME TO LIST THE REST OF THE ARTISTS:
Jessica Simpson
Macy Gray
The Dixie Chicks
Jewell
Ricky Martin
Destiny’s Child
Sugar Ray
Marc Anthony
I MEAN
Now look. I will not admit this to many people IRL but I will defend Clay Aiken to the death because I actually think his voice is really lovely and in high school I WORE OUT his Christmas album, Merry Christmas With Love, and went to see his Christmas tour BY MYSELF.
If you mention this to me in person, I will thoroughly deny it.
My very favorite Christmas album of all time is one that was done by a couple of high school friends of mine; they never released it commercially, which is a darn dirty shame, because it’s hilarious–imagine “O Little Town of Bethlehem” done bluegrass-style, or “We Three Kings” in the manner of Tom Waits.
As far as commercial releases go:
– “Christmas Wrapping”, The Waitresses
– “Christmas in Hollis”, Run-DMC
– “O Holy Night”, Aaron Neville; probably my favorite cover.
– “Santa Claus is Coming to Town”, Bruce Springsteen and the E Street Band. Clarence Clemons’ sax break is the best gift.
– And, of course, “Happy Xmas (War is Over)” by you-know-who.
My grandparents are huge fans of I Want a Hippopotamus for Christmas and All I Want For Christmas is My Two Front Teeth. Nostalgic faves, both.
Also, I looooooove Mannheim Steamroller! That and Trans Siberian Orchestra are my Christmas jams. Plus the Grinch and Charlie Brown Christmas. I’m not sure how embarrassing or not embarrassing any of that is? I believe all Christmas music is somewhat cheesy and it should be embraced because of that, not despite it.
Things I do not understand about myself: I adore the first two Manheim Steamroller Christmas albums (side note: they did non-Christmas albums too! The first seven (yes, SEVEN) are really great) but cannot stand Tran Siberian Orchestra. Like, to the point of red-hot hatred. They are theoretically the same genre and their fans overlap a great deal! Why do I love one and hate the other?
The only reason I can think of is I grew up with Manheim Streamroller and didn’t hear TSO until I was an adult.
I know it’s terrible, I know it’s annoying, but I still heart “Christmas Don’t Be Late” by the OG Alvin & the Chipmunks. Alvin, you showboat, keep singing your heart out for that huuula-hoooooop!
YES. So much. I grew up with Manheim Streamroller, and a Reader’s Digest collection that includes I Yust Go Nuts at Christmas.
You perverts convinced me to buy Kushiel’s Dart yesterday, by the way.
hey, it is legitimately good alternate history during the Renaissance. Take out the sexy times parts, and it is still really good. (though why you would take out those parts, I don’t know)
It would also be, I think, significantly shorter. But don’t take them out, they’re so much fun.
Apparently I was so involved in OMG FENCING that I missed this conversation yesterday.
I read Kushiel’s Dart for the first time last year and I… am still not sure how to wrap my arms around how I feel about it. I hated bits and loved bits and while I won’t be reading any of the others, I really wish I’d read THAT in high school instead of Mists of Avalon.
In the later part of the series (continuing through later trilogies) I think there are some really awesome explorations of questions about religion and faith and morality. I mean, yes sexy sex SEX, but also some surprisingly deep ideas. Love it all.
I got through the first two trilogies, but when I started the third, I just… couldn’t.
Should I try again?
I was mostly bored by the Imriel trilogy (just go ahead and bone your cousin, dude, no one cares) and always forget that there’s a third at all.
I was super bored by the Imirel books the first time I picked them up, and didn’t finish. Last year I gave them another try, and I liked them a little better, but yeah, they don’t even compare to the first trilogy.
I think mainly it’s because of how self-loathing Imriel is all the time? It kind of gets dull listening to him mentally beat himself up about his kinks and his responsibilities, especially after a whole series of Phedre pretty much owning her sexual identity and spying skills and refusing to apologize for them.
I think there’s a lot of good stuff in the third. I mean, it sucks knowing that your favorite characters are now (dead) historical legends, BUT I think it tries to address the prejudice and privilege that’s an undercurrent of D’Angeline society (by having an outsider protagonist), humanizes former enemies, and tries to deal honestly with European colonialism and culture clashes. Whether it succeeds probably depends on your perspective, but I found them overall pretty enjoyable and theologically interesting.
yessssss. it’s probably one of the only fantasy series I’ve found that really takes on religion in a positive but thoughtful way. they are the most important books of my adulthood so far.
I hope you love it as much the rest of us who love it do!! 😉
Ha! I put the first book on hold at the library yesterday!
I have a huuuuuge soft spot about these books, but I will say that the third one gets really, really dark in some parts, to the extent that it is tough to read. So, fair warning.
Very good point. Yeah, the third is unbelievably dark and should come with a pretty major Content Warning.
My mother asked to read them, and finished that whole trilogy, but we never talked about that third book, although I did try to warn her it was dark. “I promise you that everybody will be happy at the end,” was something I repeated. “It won’t be like Game of Thrones.”
Hahaha YES
Dude I read that when I was about 20, unhappily married, and I didn’t understand what was so damn great about sex.
What I’m saying is that book was very important to me.
Please read N.K. Jemisin’s Inheritance Trilogy next, it is basically all about banging hot deities. And trying not to get murdered by your family.
I am SO relieved Holtzclaw was found guilty. The more time went by the more worried I became. He intentionally picked victims who would appear less believable and I was really concerned the jury would believe the defense point of view on those women.
Agreed. There were so many levels of terrible in that case, and I’m so glad he’ll never be a free man again.
Drew Magary was one of my favorite Chopped contestants ever so I am not surprised at how much I love the Hater’s Guide To Williams-Sonoma’s Catalogue.
Also that list of things that closed/are closing in NYC this year made me weirdly emotional, Trash and Vaudeville? Really? NYU, you are a horrid beast.
WHAT. NO. Oh man I’ve been buying stuff there on my NYC family visit trips since I was 14. I always felt so adult and welcomed there. I’m glad I bought something when I was there this summer but….
As an NYU alum I can authoritatively say that they are a garbage school run by garbage people.
Imho, they’re not so much a school anymore as a real estate hedge fund with a tax-sheltered sideline.
(Note: HURRRRR)
dying
The fact that the world where I read about sports and dick jokes is crossing over with the Toast is melting my brain a little bit.
*gasp* I’m not the only person whose browser is split between tabs of Deadspin articles and tabs of Toast articles! There is another!
I’m a little more SBNation these days, rather than Deadspin, because I will pretty much follow Spencer Hall wherever he goes, but I have been reading and enjoying Drew’s work since he was writing KSK.
I didn’t know about Trash & Vaudeville and now I have a sad. I remember going there a whole bunch in high school. 🙁
Is that the same Jane Hu who wrote If The Tim Horton’s Goat Were Your Boyfriend for this very website?
It sure is!
“The former officer cried openly in the courtroom and rocked in his chair as the verdict was being read.”
Keep crying, shitbag.
Yeah the NY Times had a big ol’ picture of him crying and I just wanted to spit at it. Cry forever in prison, asshole.
I was almost inconsolable when I found out Pearl River Mart was closing, it was a haven when I had to go to Soho with out of town visitors. One time I accidentally convinced a man to pee in the basement corner in Trash Bar, because the men’s bathroom was flooded and he looked so sad about trying to wade through the lake of water so I jokingly went “Just pee in the corner!” but then he did. RIP pee corner bar.
I know… a lot of my city landmarks are going. Pearl River, for tea and odd cute housewares! La Taza de Oro in Chelsea, best diner, for eating mofones, pulpo, and so on. Even caffe Dante, when I was young and trying to see the New York I knew from books and movies!
beloved toasties, the news lately has been (unfortunately, as per usual) exhausting and terrible. please take a nerdy public radio moment to enjoy this tumbler: mugs of NPR
http://mugsofnpr.tumblr.com/
those are some dynamite mugs
seriously! It really cheered me up this morning.
hello yes I need that clam mug immediately.
This is amazing and All I Need in this world.
At first I thought that it would be a tumblr of mugs given out during fund drive by various NPR stations. Now I kind of want to try and start that tumblr.
I have exactly zero qualifications, but this is making me want to work at NPR soooo bad.
ME TOO! visual artist seeking npr job. excellent attitude, long-standing love of public radio, no other skills.
NYC list hit me in the feels. Cafe Pick Me Up was my shelter when I was sexiled from my apartment :*(
Last night I dreamed that I emailed Daveed Diggs a fan letter and that he responded with like four pages of handwritten note that he then scanned and emailed to me, and he was really sweet but also told me my subject line was a little off-putting. I do not know what it was.
How did you manage to have a DD dream? Fall asleep listening to Hamilton? Reading interviews? Asking for a friend.
IN-credible
Daveed-style WHAAAAAAAAAAT.
It must be nice
It must be nice
To have Daveed Diggs on your mind.
(That doesn’t *quite* scan; forgive me!)
Sidecars are one of the best drinks out there! I only order them in bars I really trust though. Like, not going to go into Penn Social and have to explain to the bartender what’s in it and then have them be like “yeah we have exactly none of those ingredients.”
Simona Kossak is my new idol. Anyone know how I can go about befriending a terror crow?
I was watching some nature program about crows recently and they interviewed a woman who keeps a pet crow in suburban California or something. She said she spends a lot of time returning her neighbors’ jewelry, because people set their valuables on their patio tables before getting in their backyard pools, and then when the crow returns from whatever it does all day it will bring her a diamond ring (or a bottlecap, it doesn’t know the difference).
I don’t think anyone in my neighborhood has a pool, so I’m probably safe to get the pet crow that I now desperately want.
I feel like this article might be a good starting point.
I read it as “terror-cow” and I’m a little disappointed she didn’t have a kleptomaniac bovine.
I also misread it this way! I have never known a cow to steal *anything*. Their only stealth activity is giving you a really slimy kiss when you’re not looking. And, also, knocking over buckets of course.
Corvids are amazing <3
Simona Kossak should be everyone’s new idol as far as I’m concerned. Anyone who hasn’t read the article needs to do so, if only for the photos. Simona Kossak kissing her terror crow! Simona Kossak feeding a GIANT wild sow off of her dinner table! Simona Kossak strolling casually through the forest with a pack of deer! You guys need to see this, it will make your day!
Nicole, whoever gave you that knife also needs to give you a coin, so the knife doesn’t sever the friendship. Truly.
Yup. The coin is to “buy” the knife, symbolically. I was always fascinated by this bit of superstition (which they will tell you about in any kitchen store if you ask them to wrap a knife as a gift)
Huh. I always thought it was to stop the blade from “cutting” the friendship – like a piece of armor. The Kitchn says you’re right – and you’re supposed to give the coin back to the giver. Whoops – I kept the coins!
Yes! My aunt didn’t give me my knife set as a wedding gift, she gave me a penny, then said “Oh, and I have this knife set that I’m looking to sell for one penny!”
oooh is that what you do?
My mum told be she was going to buy me a really nice knife set when I moved into my first house on my own, but she decided against it because someone said its bad energy and ‘severs’ the relationship!
I’ll have to tell her this, cause I want a good knife set dammit.
A good knife set is a thing of beauty. Never, ever put them in the dishwasher.
I almost disowned three roommates because they kept putting my good Henckels in the dishwasher, so instead I hid my good knives and put out a cheap set in its place. You don’t DESERVE my Henckels.
whaaaaaat.
I put all sorts of things in the dishwasher that I shouldn’t (knives, wooden spoons), but I buy those tools knowing full well that I’m going to do that. I buy cheap wooden spoons in large quantities, and once they get gross, they get thrown out.
I just don’t BUY things I would feel bad about abusing….. But I also don’t use other people’s nice things unless I’m prepared to treat them nicely afterwards.
My ex BROKE THE TIP of my Henckels chef knife by using to to pry something open.
Legit deal-breaker.
I hope you embedded it into their forehead.
I don’t have a good knife *set* but I have a beautimous Wusthof chef’s knife and a really great Friedr. Dick bread knife and they are my babieeeeeees to be handled with love and hand-washed immediately after use.
That happens in Anne of Ingleside – Anne gets Gilbert a knife for their anniversary, but he has to “buy” it from her with a penny so it doesn’t cut their love. Handy loophole if you’re supersititous about giving knives as gifts.
I have a friend who gave me a set of knives and wine glasses for my wedding, I wonder if the implied alcohol works similarly!
wait i thought nicole gives THEM a coin, so that she is paying for it?!
Right – I just found out I’ve been doing it wrong…
Fashion Toasts! Philly Toasts! I taught this young woman when she was a freshman in high school. Working in fashion is all she ever wanted to do – I once assigned her class to draw a Greek vase and her pictures were basically fashion sketches – and she’s been working towards this ever since, including giving up a modeling contract to go to school.
If you have a second could you please check her out and maybe share her campaign? Her collection is about light and Afrofuturism and technology and it is really cool.
(Also I know this is the wrong thread probably but I am going to be at the zoo later and I needed to get it in somewhere, sorry!)
A friend of mine finished her fashion degree this year in the UK and she was telling me recently about exactly this problem; the students who had money could just buy great fabric and pay for everything for their final show, but she didn’t have a lot of money so she had to make do with lesser quality fabric etc, so in the end final grades didn’t really come down to who had better skill or who had learned the most, it came down to who could spend the most money!
“the kind of severed penis you’d get if “there was an Orc from Lord of the Rings walking around, and they cut his penis off.””
Okay I know this is a classic pithy response but I seriously am pretty sure I’ve read that fanfiction
Rule 34, right? Not that I’m going to go looking…
I love that we exist in a subsection of the world where you feel the need to clarify that, no, seriously, you think you’ve ACTUALLY read that fanfiction, and we believe you. This is the world I want to live in, where we discuss the severed genitalia of Orcs with appropriate seriousness.
….. and now I’m wondering about what sort of body mods orcs are into.
i’ve seen pierced ears & septums as well as tattoos.
scarification: you think they’re into it OR do the prefer scars earned in battle?
Also that Tumblr post
me: i want something very short and small and cutesy but most importantly body safe and discreet
sex toy companies: try the DEVASTATOR SEVENTY THREE INCHES OF PURE JELLY RUBBER HYPER REALISTIC VEINS WE SHOWED IT TO A NUN ONCE AND SHE BURST INTO FLAMES THERE’S ONLY ONE SETTING: DEVASTATION THE VIBRATIONS CAUSED AN EARTHQUAKE MILLIONS ARE DEAD
So, I know that he’s just a Prime Minister, and that we already have a Royal family, and the honeymoon stage is definitely still on, but guys, that Vogue photo of Justin and Sophie?
OH MY GOODNESS.
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/why-we-cant-s…
I loved when the CBC was describing that photo as “steamy”. Oh, Canada. Never change your fear of public emotions.
In the words of Robertson Davies: ” I see Canada as a country torn between a very northern, rather extraordinary, mystical spirit which it fears and its desire to present itself to the world as a Scotch banker.”
And the Upper Canadian Dismay that his hand was near her ass.
Like. IDK, Canada, have you never had a boyfriend who actually liked you?
Interesting that the photo conforms to the old trope of woman being looked at, man doing the looking. I read about this in “Ways of Seeing” when I was about 17 and have never been able to un-see it in any painting or posed photo ever since.
Okay so the ad that appeared on this page today was a giant red banner that said “Make sure Trump never becomes president,” and I feel very good about my internet browsing choices now.
I had an NRA ad yesterday. Now I’m feeling like I’m doing something wrong…
I’ve never seen a NRA banner ad, but my fiance bought a bunch of camping gear from Cabela’s and now we keep getting snail mail NRA promotions. They’re actually kind of hilarious because they all say “FREEDOM” in huge letters at the top, so we stuck ’em on our fridge.
Every so often I open Google Now on my phone, and while it has some good ideas about what I like (it gives me lots of things about Marvel, good good. Taylor Swift, perfectly acceptable.) But from time to time, it gives me a BUNCH of links from Breitbart and Drudge, and I don’t even hate read from those outlets, and I have given google SO MUCH ACCESS to me, how are they getting things SO WRONG.
Every time I see that shit, I spend a half hour clicking on things in the most liberal news-ish sites I can find that stay away from woo bullshit. It sort of works, i guess?
Noooooo, not Breitbart! I refuse to believe that Google could be THAT WRONG unless someone on their analytics team is intentionally messing with you. (Or is being paid under the table by Breitbart? Conspiracy?!?)
My friend and I occasionally play a game where we’ll email each other copypasted lists of (for example) all the actors in the Lord of the Rings movies or a wikipedia list of all the towns in Scotland because the recipient will get super weird and specific Google ad suggestions for weeks afterwards. I once got ads in Spanish for a while because she sent me a list of telenovela titles.
Except it is funded by a Hillary PAC. Which gives me mixed feelings, because did they make the ad because
1) Trump might be harder for Hillary to beat than Rubio, etc?
2) It’s a popular sentiment to hate Trump (unless you are part of the 14% of Americans who apparently like him), and thus an easy way for them to get your email address?
3) They really think Trump as president is a bad idea, a Pure Motive?
In other words, I wish it was funded by some rich concerned citizen who just really doesn’t like Trump.
Trump would be much easier for Hillary to beat than Rubio. Her lead against Trump would be double-digits.
That being said, it’s not just pure motives, as it’s good rhetorical strategy for Hillary to make Trump the standard-bearer for Republicans. I’m also sure everyone who supports Hillary thinks Trump would be a disaster, so in that sense it’s pure, but it’s probably mostly 2 & strategy for the general election.
The Dove Parlour, oh no! I always felt like such a proper lady having drinks there. =(
I KNOW WHAT. I didn’t even know about that 🙁
One of the most ridiculous nights of my life began at Dove Parlor and I can’t believe it won’t be there in future to help other naïve MA students dress and toss their own salad days!
On the subject of BIG CHOCOLATE I would like to share this ancient link
It’s an exhaustive take down of Noka Chocolate
oh my gosh I’m only on day 2 and already scandalized.
ETA: OH SNAP just got to the couverture analysis post and DANG. It’s like an Agatha Christie novel! But chocolate instead of murder!
Right? I mean I love the… schadenfreude maybe? Of watching ridiculous products getting hated on but I’ve been re-reading this article for 10 years because it’s got it all: detective work, eat the rich, a dive into the minutia of a niche industry.
I care not at all about expensive chocolate and I was RAPT through that whole thing. The gall! I (of course) wanted to see what hopeless justification the company could have offered after such a through take-down, and when I went on the Wikipedia page all the links were broken! Like to the company’s statement, and a Dallas Morning News article. I think the conspiracy goes deeper than we know…
I’m on part 3 and LOVING this.
I have another big chocolate name I would like scratched from the records of good chocolate… run by two brothers with bushy red beards. It drives me BONKERS that people are gaga for their chocolate when I find it overpriced and crumbly and I would be happy to complain about them at length with anyone who desires it!
Do tell! I had no idea the world of chocolate had so much scandal.
I’ll have to get more in depth when my work day ends, but I’ve always been so annoyed by this chocolate company (I do believe they roast and make their own couverture, though the job they do is… meh) in Brooklyn that I think has lived off their artisanal appearance and beautiful paper packaging. The chocolate itself is disappointing if you’ve ever had moderately good chocolate (esp for the price!).
I did find a few threads of insider chocolate people complaining about their quality or refusing to stock them (I will search after work).
Admittedly I used to live in THE country for chocolate so I got pretty used to access of lovely chocolates at every corner, and my palate adjusted to their stricter standards.
And now I’m embaressed how much I know/feel about this company :O
Good lord, I believe was just gifted a bar of their (apparently ridiculously expensive, like $8 a bar) chocolate, and found it subpar and unsatisfying, but I thought it was just my philistine tastes. HMMMMM.
+ @whollyword (I hope that tags correctly?)
Welp I got distracted in my never-ending meeting, went on NYMag and what do I see on grub street? http://www.grubstreet.com/2015/12/mast-brothers-c…
Apparently the guy from the blog listed above has just made an exposé on them as well! So, we are justified in our “meh” reactions! It really infuriates me when companies coast on how cool they look in an instagram still life.
(Plus all the places near me charge $10 a bar! It’s freaking not even crossing state lines to get to us!)
p.s. whollyword I completely agree that “Homemade and small-batch do not automatically equate with awesome”.
Holy crap that’s some coincidence.
Yes!
p.s. I have to apologize for highjacking your thread about Noka and turning it into me venting about another “artisanal big chocolate”. I’m sorry! That article you linked was superb and got my wheels turning.
No worries thats was a ten year old article about a chocolate company thats been out of business for 4 years. Hijack away.
I know exactly who you mean.
The Partner made a batch of bean-to-bar chocolate about six years ago (one Madagascan, one Venezuelan). And because we live in an apartment with quiet hours, and because a melangeur smells like machine oil once it has run for a couple of hours, he was only able to conch it for about 14 hours. It was still pretty wild in flavor– the Madagascan in particular– and grainy in texture. (Not quite as grainy as Taza and other things designed to be used as Mexican drinking chocolate, but close.)
Homemade and small-batch do not automatically equate with awesome, and at a certain price point, IMO, a chocolatier needs to be able to bring something to the table other than “I live in your neighborhood! Yay!”
TP has agreed not to make any more bean-to-bar batches until we live in a place with a garage or workshop, because I cannot coexist with a melangeur.
I replied above and tried to tag you but failed!
But I want to add, TP sounds very fun… I am totally that person who wants to make my own chocolate, cheese, sourdough starter, etc. and never ever does. But also I could not coexist with a melangeur either. I think you have a perfect compromise 🙂
I am so into this! I’m on part 9. It’s amazing.
I will defend the cookie gun! My mom has a cookie gun and it’s so much better than futzing around with a rolling pin and cookie cutters.
But does she have a cookie BAZOOKA?
SADLY, no. Though a cookie bazooka sounds less like something useful in the kitchen and more like something Craig Ferguson would have employed on the Late Late Show.
I have always wanted one, it looks awesome! Honestly though, I’m a kitchen gadget nerd, I guess there are worse things.
I guess there are worse things.
Depends on the size of your kitchen 😛
My brother and I always had a ton of fun with them, choosing what shapes we wanted and topping them various colors of crystalized sugar sprinkles.
They will have to pry my cookie gun from my cold, dead fingers.
I’m generally pro-cookie gun, but I’m not sure about that particular cookie gun, which appears to be 85% plastic with a weird thing on the bottom.
that’s also a goddamn massive amount of cookie dough (a substance not known for flowing readily) to be shoving through that whimsically shaped orifice all at once. Extremely specific single-use-a-year kitchen appliances must be of a design and material such that they will break after their first use, that is Mail-Order Law
Nah. My mom’s old cookie gun has been going strong for decades. But it’s mostly aluminum and steel, because it was designed by people who had noticed the properties of cookie dough.
And the electric cookie gun that she gave me because she never got the hang of it also appears to be pretty sturdy.
Wait, hold up. Electric?
I really should actually make cookies with it at some point.
The catch is that you have to make cookies at its speed. It pauses between each cookie, so you can move it to another spot, but it doesn’t wait for you to press a button or anything for the next cookie. So long as it’s on and has dough, it just keeps going cookie – pause – cookie – pause – cookie – pause…
I am picturing Homer Simpson with this device.
Yeah, my mom also has one of the old school ones that looks like it could’ve been designed by the military. We make tiny almond-flavored Christmas tree cookies with it and they are amazing.
My mom has a frosting piper that looks like a giant 19th-century hypodermic needle and can double as a cookie press. It’s a little terrifying.
I’m pretty sure my mom’s cookie press that lasted forever came back with her mom from their time living in Germany. I’d say that if looking for a new one- go to the spritz-making source.
My mom’s cookie gun is all plastic, and as far as I know she’s been using the same one for over a decade. The dough she uses in it is fairly…squishy? I dunno, viscous isn’t exactly the right word. It’s not one of those hard, dry doughs.
whimsically. shaped. orifice.
I badly want to steal this and use it in a sentence and yet the chances that I will 1) encounter an opportunity to use it and 2) immediately remember to do so are practically zero. *cries*
Yes! We use this every Christmas to make German Spritz cookies which are family tradition, with the cookie gun my *Grandma* used in the 50s. It’s in the name: “The German verb spritzen means to squirt in English.” – you _cannot_ just use a cookie cutter for these!
PEW PEW PEW
MOTHERFUCKEN COOKIE GUN BRAP BRAP
Alright kids this is where I share my favorite embarrassing cookie story!: For Valentines Day I wanted to make pink spritz heart-shaped cookies to bring to the office. But a little red food-dye in a yellow dough makes peach and the heart spritz is two circles with a long center and I think I don’t need to tell you where this ended up going?* We ate them anyway but it wasn’t my best moment.
*they looked like penises, that’s where it went.
Hey, penis cookies can be appropriate for Valentine’s Day!
Probably not for your coworkers though…
I’m pretty sure I’m getting a Williams-Sonoma giftcard this Christmas. Hmm… $130 lobster sliders or $50 cookies? Seriously, is there anything I’ll be able to buy without feeling like a total mark?
i used to go there for sodastream refills so maybe that?
very very aggro marketing, though. they ask you like 40 times if they can have your address and your email address.
Table linens, nice smelling soaps, or practical oxo products that pretty much cost the same everywhere.
I got a different pricey food stuff catalog the other day and challenged myself to find the Silliest Product. Winner: $25 airplane cocktail kits that contain a tiny (airplane-legal) bottle of mixer, a tiny swizzle spoon, and NO BOOZE. Paying a whole lot for the mixer and buying the booze on the plane is the exact opposite of how bringing your own cocktail fixins on a plane is supposed to work!
Spatula, maybe.
literal LOL
There totally is! My mom bought me madeleine pans from there, $25. Christmas afternoon is going to be filled with madeleines.
a pepper grinder that will last a lifetime!
I adore my olive wood salt cellar from there, bought with a wedding giftcard. There are other things in-store that are like “kind of more than I usually spend on this but ok” like potholders and small gadgets.
Their excellent mini spatulas are always on sale after a holiday. You might end up using Christmas-themed spatulas all year long, but if you don’t care about that, they’re the best. Example: http://www.williams-sonoma.com/products/mini-ging…. The soaps and lotions will be on sale after the holidays too and are very nice. Also, get a good balsamic vinegar if you’re into that because it’s one of their longer-lasting food items. Definitely go to an actual store because you’ll see much better deals than on the website.
Yay the William’s Sonoma Hater’s Guide! I love Drew Magary! The Deadspin Funbag is the only thing that keeps me reading Gawker sites. Also his parenting memoir Someone Could Get Hurt is pretty great.
AGREED. I’ve been waiting for this/rereading the old ones. (From 2014: “Oh, and just add my favorite filling? HOW? With my croissonut filling pot? Hey, you know what? I’m selling my own cronut knockoff, too. Pay me $80, and I’ll come to your house with a bag of flour, and then I’ll kick you in the shins. The kick is gluten-free.”)
(Also also: Your username is phenomenal.)
Vincent Price in the 1940s on Prejudice and Freedom is worth a listen in good ol’ 2015.
I read this article this week and it broke my heart. Patrick O’Sullivan is an NHL player. I remember hearing about him when he was drafted because there was concerns a team wouldn’t take him because he needed a security detail to protect from his abusive father. He writes of his experience very eloquently: http://www.theplayerstribune.com/patrick-osulliva…
If you’re involved in children’s sports, I hope you have the courage to help a child in a similar situation.
“I can understand why a lot of people worry, “But what if I’m wrong?”
If you are wrong, that’s the absolute best case scenario. The alternative is that child is a prisoner in his own home. “
That’s heartbreaking. I’m glad he wrote about this.
I saw that piece yesterday. I’m glad he wrote it, as painful as that must have been.
I was absolutely destroyed by that piece. It is so so brave and well-done and I LOVE that he emphasizes that his hockey success was in spite of the abuse, not because of it.
Yes, exactly this. I have always worried that parents pushing their children relentlessly, abusively even, see every success that child ever has as justification for their behavior.
I read this yesterday and had to just sit for a while afterwards. It’s incredibly well written, and it’s incredible that he did make it to the NHL after all of that.
Grateful that he wrote it, and gutted that he needed to.
Sansa looks so big already! I can’t wait to see pictures of her when she’s giant. (Also, I am really impressed by how neat your bed looks.)
Hi, delurking here to ask if anybody has any travel recommendations for Frankfurt? (I am about to board a plane and can’t wait for the OT, sorry!)
I will be spending 4 days in Frankfurt and 2.5 days in NYC and I’d love to hear any suggestions (I haven’t done much research myself). I will definitely be visiting the Christmas market there, and getting their 2 day tourist card and looking into museums and gardens are there. I might spend the later 2 days travelling just a bit further out of the city; what is in the suburbs/within an hour’s reach?
In NYC I will be staying around the Times Square area and plan to visit the Met and the Rumpus’ winter reading at Housing Works. I would love to hear any suggestions on food/sights etc. around those areas or en route (i.e. (where) should I disembark at an earlier station and meander there?)
(Also I’d like to squeeze in that I’m a 22yo asian cismale from Singapore. I am flying there via my dad’s staff travel privileges (I’ll be staying with him). I have very little street smarts. I love general toasty-leaning stuff.)
Housing Works bookstore is great to browse too, if you get there before the event! la esquina corner deli has really good tacos near there as well and is relatively cheap compared to all the food in the area if you’re hungry. If you’re coming from Times Square I would recommend getting off at Union Square and walking the rest of the way to Housing Works through the East Village, it’s a solid walk but you’ll get to see more of the city and there’s lots of little coffee shops and food places and bars on that walk. I would def get a bagel!! If you like bagels!! (I love bagels!) Near the Met is Pick A Bagel which is a respectable chain, or H&H bagels which is ~famous~. In general I would recommend trying to walk to places as much as you can and wandering a bit away from the Times Square area once you’ve gotten your fill there.
I have nothing of substance to add, except: I only lived in NYC a short while (a couple of years) but ever since I moved back to Cleveland, I will get these intense cravings for a Good Bagel Sandwich. I have said things like, “I just want a Good Fuckin’ Bagel! At 8pm! Why is this so difficult to understand, Ohio?!”
What I’m saying is, New York bagels: not to be missed.
i keep being like “I really need to move it’s too expensive here” but I buy bagels in bulk and freeze them and eat half of one every morning and get bagel sandwiches on the weekend (I REALLY love bagels) and it’s honestly one of the main reasons I’m like “wellllll I’Il just stick it out for a bit more”
This is one of the most delightful things I’ve ever read. I’m making my annual pilgrimage back to NYC for a short vacation in July–I’ll have to get H&H’s famous bagels while I’m there! (Unless you have other recs, which obviously I want to know about.)
Haha, I have many! H&H and Ess A Bagel are two very famous ones and they are very worth it, although the lines will be long if you go in the morning on a weekend, or early in the morning on a weekday. One of my favorites is The Bagel Store in Williamsburg (home to the famous rainbow bagel, which I have never gotten). Brooklyn Bagels (ironically located only in Manhattan and Queens) is also very very good and near Penn Station.
Awesome, thank you for the recs 🙂
I’m partial to Blackseed, which is pretty much the best of nyc and montreal bagels combined AND very close to housing works. If you aren’t put off by excessive sodium consumption, their salt bagel with lox cream cheese is very close to my version of heaven.
Definitely not suburb of Frankfurt, but you can get to Heidelberg in an hour via train – it has a beautiful medieval historic centre and a castle. This might be a good combination of modern and old Germany.
But be aware that Heidelberg is very crowded with tourists even without the christmas market (and I’m sure there will be one), and if you say that you’re not street smart, it might be too much for you.
ehmm, I don’t live in Frankfurt and have only been there for flying, but the area is known for its green sauce (Grüne Soße). .. so maybe eat some of that?
Hi! Delurking just to tell you that if you’re an art person, you should definitely visit the Städel Museum in Frankfurt. I went in a work capacity for the Book Fair in October, and my only really lovely break from the Fair was a visit there. They should still have a very fine little exhibition called ‘Masterworks in Dialogue’ comparing great pieces from their own collection with loans from other European museums (I can recommend especially the room full of Hammershøi paintings).
Hello! I was in Frankfurt for a few days at this time last year, and the Christmas market is a great idea. I also really liked wandering up and down the riverbank, even though it was cold. The museums are mostly located along the river.
I second the above recommendation for Heidelberg, and I would also suggest taking the train about an hour to Koblenz, where there’s a pretty spectacular old fortress and the “Deutsches Eck,” which is where the Rhine meets the Mosel (geographically impressive) and also a huge monument to Wilhelm I and German unification.
And I actually live in NYC! If you’re staying in Times Square, you should always eat on 9th Ave or farther west. Don’t try to go to restaurants in Times Square itself – it’s pretty much never worth it. 9th Ave is easy walking distance and has a zillion great bars and restaurants. There’s also a lovely Christmas market at Bryant Park, which is right next to Times Square. If you are going to the Met, take a stroll through Central Park, which is basically the Met’s backyard. I’d also suggest visiting Lincoln Center, which is gorgeous, and maybe Rockefeller Center if you’re willing to brave the Christmas crowds. With only 2.5 days, that’s probably enough. If you had some more time, I’d recommend Brooklyn Bridge Park for the skyline views and just to see a bit of another borough.
Might be a bit cold to do it now, but I highly, highly recommend getting the Nova Special from Zabar’s, which is on 80th and Broadway, and then walking across Central Park (horizontally) to the Met.
Zabar’s is an amazing, iconic Jewish deli and the Nova Special is a gorgeous bagel with a schmear (cream cheese) and lox (super thinly cut smoked salmon from Nova Scotia), a really good coffee, and a freshly squeezed orange juice. Get a seat at the window in between some old Jewish ladies and look at the people in the gym across the road, and feel smug.
You can get the 1 train from Times Square/42nd Street up to 79th and that gets you a block away from Zabar’s.
aaaaaah I’m so jealous. why must I live in Sydney!
So a Daily Beast reporter cold called a bunch of Trump donors to ask them their opinion on the “ban all Muslims” suggestion, and it sure is . . . something. Highlights include the guy with the Illuminati-controlled robot girlfriend the 9/11 truther, and the guy who asked her to recite the Lord’s Prayer: http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2015/12/11/…
aw man see now I’m conflicted because Trump is awful and the crusaders are awful but I love me some cranks
He had recordings to prove that his girlfriend was a robot, he said
TELL ME MORE
Is Justin Trudeau the first hipster head of state?
Iz Trudeau alt?
Do conservatives h8 him becuz hes beautiful?
No, he is a straight up, con-going, cosplay wearing, super nerd.
On Trudeau being a regular dude: I think I rode a bus with his kids (and a very stiff chaperone) yesterday? And if I overheard right, I think they go to public school? I’m genuinely surprised at this.
SERIAL is back!!!!!!!
That is all.
Hi Toasties! Just here to recommend the series River on Netflix. Six episodes and I mean, I don’t want to oversell this, but it *might* be my favorite thing of the last five years. And I’m totally down with the “can’t watch depressing things right now” thing. What’s so redeeming in River is that he looooooves her. He loves her. So much. So so much. It’s so beautiful to see and wonderful and anyway, I recommend. Cried like a baby in the sixth episode, but in a good way, you know? Man.
Happy Friday to everyone!
Notes from this long-ass Trudeau profile:
– Turns out all I want in life is for Barack Obama to tell me, “Just call me Barack,” and then we would be bros, and then I could hang out with him and Michelle and they could be my older, wiser, awesome couple friends.
– I knew Harper was an asshole, but he comes off as such a sniveling little shit/Nixon-wannabe. He just sounds like someone who should be punched in the face on a regular basis.
– Also turns out the politician I’ve wanted in power my whole life was Pierre Trudeau. The paragraph about his administration is, like, my entire political wishlist in a few sentences.
And this is great:
Trudeau’s most radical argument is that Canada is becoming a new kind of state, defined not by its European history but by the multiplicity of its identities from all over the world. His embrace of a pan-cultural heritage makes him an avatar of his father’s vision. ‘‘There is no core identity, no mainstream in Canada,’’ he claimed. ‘‘There are shared values — openness, respect, compassion, willingness to work hard, to be there for each other, to search for equality and justice. Those qualities are what make us the first postnational state.’’
Yes. This is good.
Good job, Canada. You seem to have found and elected a good one.
As much good at Pierre did, he definitely wasn’t perfect. He was kind of a dick, apparently. He was also particularly disliked by indigenous people due to some pretty shitty legislation he pushed for (although the daughter of one of his harshest indigenous critics is now Minister of Justice in Justin Trudeau’s cabinet) and he once declared martial law and rounded up hundreds of “potential terrorists” in response to domestic terrorism. He is incredibly polarizing up here.
“postnational state”
……… what.
(I have no issue with what you posted, just… that oxymoron!)
I think that would be a state where the most important identifiers are not the state identity (“I am Canadian”), but a set of shared values (the listed values) where the state identity continues to exist. Not necessarily an oxymoron, just a liminal area in conceptions of statehood and nationalism.
That’s arguable true of Britain (we do not really identify as British very much), and we’re the opposite of post-national.
From an anarchist perspective, the idea of a state existing without nationalist ideology is absurd and impossible. Postnational society is by definition stateless.
I love Isabella Steward Gardner so much. She was such a weirdo! And that Sargent painting of her is the shit.
Holtzclaw Verdict! I am so relieved! Waiting for the verdict to be read was so stressful and nauseating because I was expecting him to get off and I am just so happy that I was wrong. Also delighted that he cried, that it was his birthday and that a bunch of the victims’ supporters sang happy birthday to him after he was convicted.
That said, I find it super fucked up that the jury cleared him of all charges in regards to five of his victims. I don’t get how they could conclude that the man was definitely a serial rapist, but that five of the people who came forward were lying.
Also, I am super uncomfortable with a lot of the talk about Holtzclaw’s white privilege because he is pretty obviously mixed race and I feel like it is letting NBPoC off the hook for the ways we contribute to/benefit from anti-blackness. I felt the same kind of way when people referred to Zimmerman as white when he wasn’t even close to being white-passing, but I think the Holtzclaw case in particular highlights how badly we have failed to protect poor black women who aren’t “respectable” enough. Talking about it as if the issue is just that white men get away with doing heinous shit lets a lot of people avoid having to think about how they contribute to the problem.
Yes, thank you for this very astute comment.
…OK, since Gardner *actually* put together a museum, I’m going to allow the author the “carefully curated” this one time, but otherwise, it needs to *stop*. Everywhere. All of you. You’re all on notice.
Brb, acquiring a terrorist crow.
Turmeric is indeed the worst of all stain. I was delighted by Jaya’s guest spot on Ask A Clean Person. Turmeric bath? Eegads! I am taking Jaya & Jolie’s moms’ advice to just invest in red/yellow kitchen linens.
Sansa is delightful, does she love her lamb toy? My dearly departed standard poodle loved her pink lambie very much.
I don’t know much about turmeric stains – is it worse than pollen stains? I once had some orange pollen from a lily fall into my kitchen sink for all of two seconds before I wiped it up and it left a yellow stain on stainless steel WHAT how is that possible it says stainless right in the name!
I don’t know. Stains can be so funny. I’ve never encountered a pollen stain as stubborn or as hateful as turmeric. I seem to have permanently stained the tops of my partner’s pressure cookers with turmeric. Thank goodness his stovetop is black!
I made bengan bartha a couple of days ago with fresh turmeric, and the knife is still exuding turmeric every time it touches anything with oil content. Not to mention my hands– I’ve scrubbed them to the point of sensitivity, and the stains persist. Next time, gloves.
Random question: Has anyone ever seen Zach Braff and Justin Trudeau in the same room? I can’t unsee the resemblance and they’re roughly the same age. :/
Welp, that effectively killed my crush on Trudeau. I can’t unsee it either.
I have only read the excerpt, but I’m pretty sure I want to be Simona Kossak when I grow up.
If any Boston Toasties have not yet gone to the Isabella Stewart Gardner Museum’s Third Thursdays, I highly recommend you go. They keep the museum open late and have a bar so you can wander around with a drink pretending you’re a rich, eccentric lady who lives there.
I read the piece about Dick Conant, the itinerant canoer, and then went back and read the one about Christopher Knight, aka the Maine Hermit or the North Pond Hermit, as well as Mallory’s piece on him, and the contrast couldn’t be greater. I don’t exactly feel sorry for Knight–he did basically terrify a lot of people for a very long time–but he seems to have been antisocial in the most literal and profound way, someone who would rather risk starvation and hypothermia than give up and seek shelter if it meant contact with other humans. Whether he really did have Asperger syndrome or it was his upbringing or what, there seemed to be something basically broken about him.
Conant, on the other hand, seems to have been incapable of not making friends during his many voyages–rocket scientists and harbor pilots and a Merry Prankster and even the police who got called about this canoeing vagrant. Even the author of the piece, Ben McGrath, did it because Conant saved his contact information and it was found with his stuff. I was also struck by Conant’s talking about Tracy, who was probably just a brief acquaintance, if she even ever existed; she seems to have filled the role of imaginary companion when he was alone. I’d like to think that they’re together now, in some sense.
I do too now and if fantasy fiction has taught me anything it’s that if enough of us believe something with enough strength it becomes true.
The V&A has created the best procrastination aid in the entire world: Design Your Own 18th Century Wig.
YOU CAN MAKE THEM AS BIG AS YOUR HEART DESIRES.
http://www.vam.ac.uk/designawig/
YESSS
all these advances in sex toy technology but i have yet to own a vibrator that isn’t noisy. though, i’ve never spent more than $40 on one so maybe i’m to blame.
BZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ is not a sexy sound. it’s OK when i’m on my own but it really fucking kills the moment when i’m partnered. are there quiet vibes? are they pricey?
I’ve met some quieter ones, but they do tend to be pricier, and there’s sort of a minimum amount of noise involved. Smaller seems to be quieter, maybe due to less excess material to vibrate? Silicone is quiter, too. If you can, visiting a premium store where you can touch before buying might help.
Come As You Are has loudness ratings on their website for the vibrators they sell. That might help?
Those ABS smoothie vibes and bullets can be really noisy cause they work by rapidly rattling a plastic sleeve against an outer shell – and that also usually contains the batteries, so theres even more noise. If you invest in a slight more expensive toy, they have ball bearings and magnets and stuff inside that’s less buzzy. I really like the We-Vibe Tango, which is double your current budget, but apparently the PicoBong line of vibes is also fairly quiet for a battery-operated toy. Just make sure you get one that uses more than one battery, the small ones suck. Je Joue, Lelo and Leaf also make nice quiet toys
thank you all for the info 🙂 my next step in adulting is to get a couple of nice toys that i really love. i’ll happily invest a few extra bucks if i know going in that it’s worth the investemnt.
I was genuinely surprised to see Justim Trudeau actually at the Toronto airport this morning greeting the first few Syrian refugees early this morning. Like, we haven’t had such a hands-on PM in so long that it was actually shocking. Harper never did that sort of thing (unless it was an election, and even if he did, you could still tell he didn’t want to be there.)
Also: SANSA IS SPLOOTING!!
Sansa. Sansa. SANSA! YOUR FEEEEEET
YOUR FEET SANSA!
I LOVE YOU
YOU ARE GOOD DOG
streeeeeeeeeeeeeetch!
Sansa is all-over adorable, especially her precious feets!
That article about sex toys was aggressively cissexist, I guess I don’t know what I was expecting but could yall maybe warn for that?