We Will Now List The Ninja Turtles As Other Famous Foursomes -The Toast

We Will Now List The Ninja Turtles As Other Famous Foursomes

ByJaya Saxena

on December 15, 2015 in Humor

original

This is the definitive comparison of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles as other foursomes. For reference, I am a Raphael. I will accept no arguments.

Harry Potter

Gryffindor leads turtle teens

Ravenclaw does machines

Slytherin is cool but rude

Hufflepuff’s a party dude

Sex and the City

Leonardo is a Carrie

Michelangelo is a Samanta

Raphael is a Charlotte

Donatello is a Miranda

(Splinter is Mr. Big? DISCUSS)

The Beatles

Raphael is John Lennon if there ever was one, and Paul McCartney is Leonardo. George Harrison is Donatello but Ringo is a much smarter Michelangelo than anyone gives him credit for.

Ghostbusters

Dr. Egon Spengler does indeed do machines, and though he acts like a leader is definitely more of a Donatello. It would be easy to place Dr. Peter Venkman as Michelangelo, but he’s cunning and prone to strange outbursts, so he’s definitely Raphael. Winston Zeddmore is the true Leonardo of the gang, while Dr. Ray Stanz gets a blowjob from a ghost, a total Michelangelo move.

Mean Girls

Regina George may be the leader but she’s no Leonardo. Frankly, either is Cady Heron. They’re Raphael and Donatello, respectively. Gretchen Weiners tries to invent ridiculous slang too much to be anyone but Michelangelo, making Karen Smith…Leonardo? A hot take but I’ll stand by it.

Gossip Girl

I’m going to say Chuck Bass is the Michelangelo, just because he commits to having as much fun as his lifestyle can afford him and he’s the one most likely to wear orange. The other three are Raphaels. Nobody does machines.

Little Women

I have never read Little Women.

h/t to Rie and Matt for the inspiration

Jaya Saxena is a Staff Writer at The Toast.

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+208 Vote up Vote down

fireblargg 137p · 484 weeks ago

Michelangelo di Lodovico Buonarroti Simoni is Leonardo. Leonardo da Vinci is definitely Donatello. Donatello is probably Michelangelo, though I don't know how much he liked pizza. This means Raphael is the only correctly named turtle.

2 replies · active 484 weeks ago

+11 Vote up Vote down

atlasblue85 140p · 484 weeks ago

I don't know enough about TMNT to sort them as members on One Direction BUT IF I DID

can someone help me out here???

14 replies · active 484 weeks ago

+24 Vote up Vote down

thecoppertop 127p · 484 weeks ago

I think I'm sad that I immediately thought "Michelangelo is TOTALLY a Samantha!!"

+99 Vote up Vote down

literarysara 119p · 484 weeks ago

Leonardo is John Laurens (every day is a test of his camaraderie and bravery)
Donatello is Marquis de Lafayette (no one matches his practical tactical brilliance)
Raphael is Alexander Hamilton (sometimes he shoots off at the mouth)
Michelangelo is . . . HERCULES MULLIGAN
(he needs no introduction)

3 replies · active 484 weeks ago

+24 Vote up Vote down

treereenee 113p · 484 weeks ago

https://xkcd.com/1412/

1 reply · active 484 weeks ago

+38 Vote up Vote down

aqwaplop 143p · 484 weeks ago

Bruce McCulloch leads
Mark McKinney does machines
Dave Foley is cool but rude
and Scott Thompson is a party dude

(sorry Kevin)

+72 Vote up Vote down

jimmyjimjimjim 113p · 484 weeks ago

The trick to finding the Leonardo (or Cyclops) of any team is:
Find the one that gets described by their role instead of their personality.

2 replies · active 484 weeks ago

+52 Vote up Vote down

Annelise · 484 weeks ago

Is this an appropriate place to tell the internet that Shredder kickstarted an uncomfortably pre-pubescent interest in S+M? There's this one scene where he's got April tied to a chair....

1 reply · active 484 weeks ago

+23 Vote up Vote down

mintjulips · 484 weeks ago

In Friends, none of the 6 "friends" make the cut or do machines.

Gunther is Splinter, however.

+32 Vote up Vote down

lrljhnsn 114p · 484 weeks ago

Mr. Big is not Splinter. I don't know who IS Splinter, but Big is not.

ETA: Mr. Big is Shredder.

+65 Vote up Vote down

topdownjimmy 74p · 484 weeks ago

Re: Sex and the City, Splinter is Alcohol

1 reply · active 484 weeks ago

+32 Vote up Vote down

sheistolerable · 484 weeks ago

Mark = Leonardo
Matthew = Raphael
Luke = Michaelangelo
John = Donatello

Mallory and other religion-nerd Toasties, check my work plz

4 replies · active 484 weeks ago

+16 Vote up Vote down

mandarinmarie 98p · 484 weeks ago

I have four cats and my husband and I do this CONSTANTLY. I can't believe we've never done ninja turtles.

+11 Vote up Vote down

suzynjackson 117p · 484 weeks ago

I have not read Little Women either. However, I urge everyone to read March, by Geraldine Brooks, which tells the dad's side of the story and is AMAZING. And then go read People of the Book by her, just because it's awesome.

2 replies · active 484 weeks ago

+29 Vote up Vote down

Erik · 484 weeks ago

Kirk is Michaelangelo.
Spock is Leonardo.
McCoy is Raphael.
Scotty is Donatello.

+60 Vote up Vote down

sednarea51 128p · 484 weeks ago

Leonardo: Captain America
Donatello: Iron Man
Raphael: Hulk
Michelangelo: Thor

Black Widow is April O'Neal. Hawkeye is a sentient slice of pizza.

3 replies · active 484 weeks ago

+20 Vote up Vote down

sednarea51 128p · 484 weeks ago

ALSO: please meet in the comments of this post if you wish to discuss your preteen crush on Casey Jones

4 replies · active 484 weeks ago

+25 Vote up Vote down

RudyRed 124p · 484 weeks ago

Leonardo: Athos
Donatello: D'Artagnan
Raphael: Aramis
Michelangelo: Porthos

+3 Vote up Vote down

mousselynes 77p · 484 weeks ago

Churchill is Leonardo.
FDR is Donatello.
Stalin is Raphael.
...and idk who Michelangelo is. De Gaulle? Chiang Kai-Shek?

+8 Vote up Vote down

kellycatchpole 139p · 484 weeks ago

this is the best fan fiction i have EVER read.

SOMEONE DO THE GOLDEN GIRLS.

1 reply · active 484 weeks ago

+53 Vote up Vote down

westernstudies 114p · 484 weeks ago

THE GOLDEN GIRLS:

Rose = Donatello
Blanche = Michelangelo
Dorothy = Leonardo
Sophia = Raphael

Rose is constantly building things (birdhouses for terrible city council candidates! wooden shoes made out of cheese for her daughter's visit! cakes depicting stan's cousin's escape from communist czechoslovakia!)

Blanche is, in fact, the original party dude

Dorothy is the one who keeps the household in order and serves as the moral compass etc. etc.

And Sophia, of course, exists to fuck shit up!

+8 Vote up Vote down

lanascrub 101p · 484 weeks ago

I'm assuming the Gossip Girl famous foursome is the NJBC (chuck, serena, blair, nate) in which case I'm going to make two arguments:
1. No WAY are Serena and Nate Raphaels, Raphael tends to do things on purpose and S & N are just beautiful golden puppies who are constantly knocking your shit over and accidentally biting children in their excitement
2. Dan is obviously April O'Neill which works out great because Georgina Sparks makes a great Casey Jones

+4 Vote up Vote down

dorianneemmerton 111p · 484 weeks ago

The Fantastic Four? But which iteration. I'm particular to anything with She Hulk..

+4 Vote up Vote down

Marlee · 484 weeks ago

Cracked did a grrrreat investigation of this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dtsmluPK7Ug

1 reply · active 484 weeks ago

+16 Vote up Vote down

typewriterandgramophone 124p · 484 weeks ago

Leonardo: Peggy Olson
Donatello: Pete Campbell
Michaelangelo: Roger Sterling
Raphael: Don Draper

April O'Neill: Joan Holloway

Splinter: Bert Cooper

(I am open to correction.)

+9 Vote up Vote down

typewriterandgramophone 124p · 484 weeks ago

Ooh- Sayers leads, Allingham does machines, Marsh is cool but rude (she was!) Christie is a Party Dame!

+4 Vote up Vote down

Roisindubh211 · 484 weeks ago

I love this so much I can't put it into words.🐢

+7 Vote up Vote down

d.a.f.punk · 484 weeks ago

Donatello: Velma
Leonardo: Fred
Raphael: Scooby
Michelangelo: Shaggy
And Daphne is April O'Neil. (Bonus: both have been portrayed by Sarah Michelle Gellar.)

+1 Vote up Vote down

ears of steam · 484 weeks ago

wait but what about One Direction?

My best assessment:
Louis is Leonardo
Harry is Raphael
Niall is Donatello
Liam is Michaelangelo

+5 Vote up Vote down

mkpatter 114p · 484 weeks ago

Um exsqueeze me but Raph is Samantha.

+3 Vote up Vote down

Colleen 86p · 484 weeks ago

LOTR Hobbits (all hobbits are Michaelangelo to some extent, but have variations when you dig deeper)
Frodo takes on the responsibility and is Leonardo
Sam always stops for lunch and is Michaelangelo
Merry is Donatello (didn't really do machines, but he has the maps)
Pippin is Raphael (always rushing into a fight)

I can't quite make the rest of The Fellowship work though. I assume Gandalf is Splinter, which presumably leaves Aragorn as Leonardo. Gimli must be Donatello because dwarves are makers. And Boromir being so suspicious and cool and rude should be Raphael, but Legolas can't be Michaelangelo so I must have gone wrong somewhere.

+18 Vote up Vote down

Old_Girl 89p · 484 weeks ago

Avatar: the Last Airbender!

Leonardo: Katara (the moral compass and actual leader of the group)
Donatello: Aang (against violence, arguably a genius)
Raphael: Toph is there to talk shit and throw rocks at people
Michaelangelo: Sokka is a party dude!

1 reply · active 484 weeks ago

+5 Vote up Vote down

sheistolerable · 484 weeks ago

Leonardo: Prudence
Michaelangelo: Justice
Raphael: Temperance
Donatello: Fortitude

+4 Vote up Vote down

titibloom · 484 weeks ago

Someone should do the Pevensie siblings from Narnia.

1 reply · active 484 weeks ago

+5 Vote up Vote down

Samantha Clarke · 484 weeks ago

Well I HAVE read Little Women, and Amy is definitely Michaelangelo, Meg is Leonardo, Beth is Donatello and Jo is Raphael.

Someone back me up here.

+10 Vote up Vote down

Colleen 86p · 484 weeks ago

Oh, and
Leia leads space teens
Luke does machines
Han is cool but rude
and, uh, is Chewbacca a party dude?
Obi-Wan is Splinter.

+2 Vote up Vote down

geekcrackteam 118p · 484 weeks ago

Relevant: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dtsmluPK7Ug

Cracked beat you to it buy a few years

+2 Vote up Vote down

Sunbear · 484 weeks ago

the godfather:

Don Corleone: Leonardo
Michael Corleone: Donatello
Sonny: Raphael
Fredo: Michaelangelo

+4 Vote up Vote down

mintjulips · 484 weeks ago

Archer:

Mallory Archer is Leonardo, the fierce leader
Lana is Donatello, the smart one
Sterling Archer is Michelangelo, ughh
Pam is Raphael, cool but rude

+1 Vote up Vote down

asthecrowflies · 484 weeks ago

No Golden Girls? I AM DISAPPOINT

+1 Vote up Vote down

al3ab-banat01 87p · 464 weeks ago

نجدد ترحابنا بكم في العاب بنات التي تعتبر من افضل الالعاب على الاطلاق وعندها جمهور كبير جدا وهي بدورها تتضمن التلبيس والمكياج وكذلك الطبخ وتلعبها البنات بكترة واصبحت مشهورة جدا في السنين الاخيرة مما جعل مواقع الالعاب تصبح كتيرة وهناك كتير منها مشهورة متل فرايف و كيزي ومواقع اخرى كما ان هناك ايضا موقع جميل عربي يقدم تشكيلة من العاب بنات مميزة ومتجددة يوميا هذا النوع بدوره يشمل اصناف كتيرة سنتعرف عليها الان ومن بينها العاب الطبخ الدي يملك معجبين كتر جدا ويعتبر هو الاول تم يليه العاب التلبيس وهذا الآخر ممتع ويحبه الكتير لان التلبيس تعشقه البنات اكتر من الاولاد وهذا امر بديهي ومعروف وبعده بالتتابع يوجد العاب المكياج او الميك اب نوع جميل ومحبوب عند الصغار والكبار ويبقى في الاخير نوع قص الشعر وهو الاقل اهتماما.....

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