Lexon Radio, $89.99 (was $159) We have reached peak holiday shopping this week and we have HAD IT. This is no longer fun. This is all stupid and a waste of time and money and we should all be ashamed of ourselves. That said, you know how you keep wishing your dining chair was a radio?
Brave Soul Twill Parka with Hood, $54 (was $153) This jacket is perfect, especially since it doesn’t get actually cold any more.
This Thing?, $18 (was $31) At first I was kidding with this one, but now I’m not sure. It might be great? Send help.
Clinique Holiday Helpers, $29.50 (was $39.50/$85 value) If you don’t have a mom, I’m sorry. (Unless you don’t have her by choice, in which case, good for you.) If you do have a mom, then you are related to someone who likes Clinique. You will be the favorite this year.
Zebra Bracelet, $16.80 with code BRNICK (was $39.50) The great thing about being single is that you can’t expect anyone to buy you the right dumb jewelry, you just get to do it for yourself. If you are not bold enough for the zebras, this one is on sale too.
Fashion Foodie Temporary Nail Tattoo Set, $3 (were $10) Almost everything about this ticks me off — the “tattoo” part, which is like huh?; the “foodie” part which is like, what? — except then they won me over by offering not one but two varieties of pizza.
Chi Blushing Beauty Travel Kit, $99.95 (was $149.95) This is cute.
VOLT Slingback Flats, $6. SIX DOLLARS. Six dollars. SiX dOlLaRs! (were $40) Surely one of you likes these? I don’t, but they ARE only six American dollars. (Just want to make sure you caught that.)
Bettina Gown, $900 (was $2,340) All I’ve ever really hoped to accomplish with this column is exposing some lucky lady to her dream wedding dress at a deep discount. And I don’t even believe in marriage (any longer)! Please invite me to your wedding?
And finally, my gift to you is the reminder that once upon a time Salt-n-Pepa, Onyx, Keith Murray, Snoop Dogg, Mase, and Rev Run once made a Christmas song:
That wedding dress is gorgeous. Just wow.
I kind of want to get one & stock it in the back of the closet, _just in case_.
I’m already married, but ditto.
Dammit, I JUST got married a month ago. Now I want a do-over.
I feel like it might look really stupid on me, but I want it anyway? Also I’m not engaged, but that’s less important.
It really is! I do not need a wedding dress, nor will I ever, but in that cut and the vintage ivory color? This could even work for a Fancy Occasion without everyone at the opera / NYE party / ambassadorial reception pointing and going “why is this dipshit wearing a wedding gown.”
My 10 year anniversary is coming up and I kiiiiiiiiind of want to have a vow renewal with a dress? Is that crazy? Does the fact that my actual wedding was on the cheap when I was 22 and my sister in law made my dress and it was unflattering (apparently we didn’t know one could have sleeves on a wedding dress before Kate Middleton) make a difference?
That wedding dress *dreamy sigh* too bad I’m already married.
That cellphone case reminds me of the best painting of all time:
I… can’t decide what the best part of this painting is, but right now I’m thinking it’s the cat’s Supremely Cat expression. The cat is just like: Yes. This is Right. This is Good. I am Cat, Ruler of All. This is how I Should Always Be Treated.
Every cat thinks he is Lion, King of the Beasts.
If I didn’t already have a personalised phone case with my horses on it…
I like how the cherub on the left looks like he’s about to cry, like he’s just coming to terms with how he’ll be spending eternity.
You mean cry with joy because there’s no possible better use for his time, right?
Imagine cleaning the imperial litter box.
So I immediately went to buy a print of this, of course, and cannot find. You let me down, internet.
Where can I find a print of this photo? I feel like I need to get two small prints of this to hang over my cats food bowls.
It seems the artist Tokuhiro Kawai is a Very Big Deal and tragically his work isn’t widely available or affordable. I am so sad.
Well darn. I really wanted to give money to the person who came up with the idea.
Me too!
BRB making that my FB profile picture
I just changed my profile picture for Christmas, but I saved this so it can be next up.
Poseur. Krosp 1 is the Emperor of All Cats.
http://girlgenius.wikia.com/wiki/Krosp_I
That’s who it is!!
The nail tattoos are sold out and I am so very upset by this, I WANT HOLOGRAM PIZZA ON MY NAILS
I wanted to put the silverware on my nails, but NOT IN THE ORDER THEY NEED TO BE for proper place setting. Like, big fork on my pinky, dessert spoon on the index finger, etc. I have some friends who would be mighty upset by that.
I actually kind of like those flats, but the slingback thing is giving me pause. that and the fact that I have weird feet and NEVER buy shoes without trying them on first. But they’re only six dollars
I bought some six dollar tennis shoes once; they turned out to be made of cardboard and some sort of foam. I was always a little amazed that they did not literally disintegrate, but then again, I did not wear them a lot and I never wore them in the rain. I think owning them opened my mind to the idea that you can make shoes out of almost anything. Who says shoes have to be comfortable, durable, or attractive? Recycled tires? Sure. Why not aluminum drink tabs? Why not cat-hair felt? Why not brown paper sacks coated in ModPodge?
I got a pair of $6 ballet flats from Payless when I was in high school. The sole was literally cardboard. They lasted me for 5 years, through trips to France and China, through going to college in a cobblestoned city. They were in absolute tatters by the time I threw them out but I adored them.
Tl;dr: do not fear the cheap shoe.
The only pair of loafers I owned for years was a pair that was $8 or $9 I think and purchased from a grocery store. They had flowers on the treads but from above they were surprisingly good-looking, to the point where I’ve been wearing them as business casual for several years now. I wear them more often than the $50 pair I bought for the express purpose of “having nicer loafers.”
I’ve had hundred-dollar shoes last three months and twelve-dollar shoes last five years. Shoes do not make any sense. This is why I hate buying shoes. They could be the best shoes ever OR they could be a total waste of money and I genuinely never have any goddamn idea.
I’m calling it. There is no possible way that those things could (a) stay on the human foot, and (b) be remotely comfortable.
So with nail stickers– do you stick them on top of dry polish and then go over with topcoat? Or do they have a superadhesive or what? Because I am into cheap, no-effort nail art–work and hobbies destroy my nails so even though I adore the idea of tiny masterpieces like they do on tumblr, I cannot justify doing it to my nails.
Also, HEAR HEAR on the shopping exhaustion. My roommies and I last night were like “we don’t have to buy each other anything, right?” even though we had in the past… why is this year so rough for gifting?
It depends on the sticker! If they’re a very, very thin quality decal, then they would go on top of a dry polish & require topcoat. Sometimes the cheaper stickers are too thick to take topcoat without it getting gloopy.
That’s usually what I do with nail stickers. I will warn you that the stickers have a tendency to chip off as well, so you just have to accept that you will have gorgeous nails for 2-3 days. I feel like there’s some kind of thinkpiece that could be written on the transience of nail art.
Yeah, I have accepted that I will never have nice nails for more than 48 hours, but sometimes I want slightly cuter nails that were so easy and cheap to get that I don’t feel like I’m walking on eggshells for days, trying not to ruin them.
I am also a person who wrecks manicures, and I have to say that shellac and gel nails changed my life, yo. They are completely indestructible, and if needed you can trim/file them.
They are not necessarily cheap, but I feel like they are excellent value for the money considering I only usually get them for special occasions.
I have really really weak nails and always have, I tried growing them out last spring/summer and they just constantly bent back and broke doing things like, y’know, reaching into my bag for something. My right thumbnail got ripped off by bowling balls TWICE. (I was in a league.)
A coworker has shellac nails and when I asked her about them got REALLY EXCITED and gave me the card of the lady who does hers. So. I might end up with longer nails again in a few months.
Oh man, I can’t wait until proper gel nails are really affordable in America (they’re huge in Japan) because you can get masterpiece nails that last. The first time I had gels, I bumped one with the razor while I was shaving my legs and the razor bounced off it.
This. To the point where I actually get nervous when it’s time to take them off, because they’re so durable that (a) it takes sooo much nail polish remover to remove them, and (b) I know that underneath the polish my freshly-trimmed nails are still as sharp as the day they were clipped, but long, so I’ll probably stab myself several times over the next 48 hours.
Is it just me or does the Front Page Header Image (top half of the zebra braclet) look like one of those ridiculously expensive art vibrators?
I just bought that jacket! It is like the more winterized version of the definitely-too-light-but-I-wear-it-way-too-late-into-the-year jacket I shivered into work in this morning! Thanks!!
Me too! Jane Marie keeps tricking me into buying stuff. In my defense though, it’s cute, a good price, and I need a coat.
But still. Friday Toast is no longer safe for me…
well, ONE of us is going to have to change!
I don’t know, I was thinking maybe we could get a bunch of us together and bring the Pink Ladies into 2015.
A Pink Ladies/Shackleton Expedition Christmas Crossover. I’m here for it.
godDAMN that parka’s tempting
I am upset with Clinique right now. The wonderful lotion that saved my super dry skin last winter is no longer being carried in any local stores (a sales assistant told me it was “only selling well in Asia”) and while I can still order it from their website for the time being, they jacked the price up by $12. Why does Clinique hate me and not want me to have hydrated skin anymore?
Also, why do they never have enough of the popular products in stock during gift time?
“Well, it’s a popular product…” is not a response (however, this is not the salesperson’s fault even though I end up asking them why everything is sold out in 1 day). Order extra when you know you’re getting high volume!
I don’t care if you have a million of the weird fig-raisin-blah-neutral lipstick that nobody but my aunt who mistakenly thinks she doesn’t need to wear eye makeup wears left. I’m not buying it just to get the gift.
Which product? Lots of times there’s a very similar-to-pretty-much-identical version in the related brands- Estee Lauder (Clinique’s parent company) also does Origins but not any of the drugstore brands. Is it the “Super Rescue Antioxidant” one? Paula’s Choice Resist Barrier Repair is supposed to be the same basic ingredients.
This guy for extra dry to dry skin: http://www.clinique.com/product/14666/33455/Skin-…
(I should mention that I’ve been on a reading-about-skin-care-products kick for the last few days so I’m really excited to have an actual reason to rather than just to laugh at the overpriced stuff.)
According to beautypedia.com (used to be cosmeticscop.com) they think of this as a toner rather than a lotion! A leave-on toner I guess? Anyway from what I can see the Clinique Turnaround Revitalizing Lotion might be worth checking out, although it needs to be stored in a cabinet because light degrades the ingredients, along with the derma e Soothing Toner and the Paula’s choice. Thankfully you can get samples of the Paula’s choice and the Clinique ones to try out. Good luck!!
Paula’s Choice is the best for super dry skin that gets irritated.
CeraVe cream, available in drugstores and big box stores near the Eucerin/Lubriderm/Curel/Cetaphil is also awesome, and cheap enough to slather on your body, too
THAT DRESS HAS THE SAME SKIRT AS MY WEDDING DRESS ALMOST PRECISELY EEEEE
Oh my god, I LOVE your dress!
Damn, but you’re a magic goddess human. (not a surprise.)
THAT DRESS. Someone please buy that dress and get married in it and post lots of photos for us to see.
I’m really tempted by the Clinique package. Am I a secret Mom?
No Clinique is actually good tho. I had almost forgotten and am now also tempted.
I’m tempted by the Clinique package and I don’t even wear makeup. I must definitely be a secret Mom.
Obviously I’ve been missing quite a bit of The Toast lately because I totally forgot you were here now!
Tl;dr I now own that coat. Or, will. By the 24 when it gets delivered.
whoops there goes another giant Sephora order
Gary, I’ve been just tormented by the fact that the radio out in the sun room doesn’t match our wicker furniture, but I’ve finally found a solution!
But Elaine, I thought we were just going to listen to Pandora on my phone. Look how sad you’ve made Royal Cat!
I think that one of those pizzas on the nail tattoos is actually supposed to be swiss cheese. That’s what the top-down wedge looks like to me.
I mean I definitely don’t regret the gazillion layers of tulle I wore (even though they were CRAZY good at catching flies? Like I didn’t see any flies anywhere all day except to find them three or four layers down, way up practically at the bodice, so I’d have to caaaaaarefully peel back the skirt all the way up layer by layer to gently release them so as not to have fly guts permanently embedded in the dress) but that dress ALMOST makes me want to get divorced and re-engaged so I can wear it.
I reaaaaaally hope your dress’ style name is “Venus.”
Also, that is effing hilarious.
This column completes me please keep it even after the holidays it’s always a good time to buy stuff for me thanks
I totally bought the gold bathing suit from last week.
Re: the Elin loafers from Madewell, posted here a couple weeks ago. Jane Marie, you mentioned that you yourselves had bought and loved them? Were they super stiff at first, or do they usually run small? I could barely get my feet in them, sigh, and I’m taking them a Madewell store this weekend to see if they have a bigger size or if I need to return them. I’m bummed because they look really well-made and comfortable, but some shoes are agony to break in.
I bought them in the store – I’m typically a 9 or 9.5 and I was a 9.5 in these. The first 2-3 times I wore them they gave me little pre-blisters on my heels but they broke in pretty quickly and are very comfortable now. Hope they work out for you one way or another!
Thanks! I hope they can hook me up with a bigger size.
Update: I went to the Madewell store this weekend, and yay, they had a bigger size in stock! I am wearing them now with much less pain. 🙂 It is true that my left shoe keeps trying to eat (drag down) my sock as I walk, because my weirdo feet are different sizes, but that can be easily corrected with with one of those sticky pad things if it persists.
I’m really trying to talk myself out of buying that Chi set. I found a 20% coupon, too, and it looks like it works: http://www.ulta.com/images/marketing/weekly_2015/…
I’m so sad that those six dollar sling back flats are sold out in my frost giant size. Sniffle.
Those six dollar sling black flats didn’t even come in my absurd clownfoot size in the first place. Women’s size fourteen just does not exist, apparently. I am resigned to wearing sneakers all my life. Fancy party? I will show up in a kickass dress and ratty sneakers and glare with the fire of a thousand suns at anyone who tries to look down on me for it.
These might be of use? And on sale for about 40% off? https://www.fluevog.com/shop/4389-budapest-brown?…
Or, for that matter, this place seems to have a premise of, “Hey, Dyb! How would you like to be our target market?” https://www.shoesofprey.com/content/big-feet-larg…
PS But I really should not whine, I just got a $324 Saks dress for $70. I’ve wanted it for six months and just bided my time. This time of year really is a consumer’s paradise.
Apparently my 8yo son decided my Christmas gift theme this year is “Zebra.” I’m not sure what that means, but I’m sure that bracelet fits.
GRR! I wanted the tattoo nails.
I am going to buy Zebra Bracelet.