“All these toys belong to me.”
My nieces, who used to be very wee and are now tall gorgeous grown-ass women who dress as Social Justice Warriors for Halloween, are getting in on Thursday night and staying until Monday morning and I am like, GET HERE NOW. I inherited them from my husband, and cannot recommend Instant Nieces strongly enough, for those of you who do not have your own nieces already via siblings. Ask all prospective partners: “do you have nieces?” and if they say no, do not go on a second date with them.
But the narrative of cunning “bitches” arriving at the hotel room of a married man has a kind of resonance that drugging women on the set of a family-friendly television show does not. Similarly, the narrative of thuggish black boys in hoodies has a kind of resonance that child-murder does not. In fact, there is no real difference in claiming that a woman in a married man’s hotel room forgoes the right to her body, and asserting that a black boy wearing a hoodie forgoes the right to his. Brutality is brutality, and it always rests on a bed of lies.
What it’s like to be the “designated survivor” at the State of the Union (B.A.N.A.N.A.S.):
Members of Congress jockey for coveted positions along the House chamber’s center aisle, where they hope to grab a quick word with the president before he recites his policy wish-list and, invariably, informs Americans that the state of their union is strong. Supreme Court justices emerge from the cloistered world of the High Court, occasionally using the address as an occasion to grab some shut-eye (looking at you, Notorious RBG). Cabinet members ham it up for the cameras when the president discusses topics that touch their respective departments.
Each year, however, at least one member of the president’s cabinet skips the address to serve as the “designated survivor,” the person who would assume the presidency if the Capitol were hit by an attack that wiped out the other members of the presidential line of succession.
According to the Senate Historical Office, the practice began “at least” at the height of the Cold War in the early 1960s, but may have started even earlier. It wasn’t until the 1980s that the White House started publicly disclosing the identity of the designated survivor. The White House chief of staff makes the selection in the weeks leading up to the speech, but the pick isn’t announced until right before the address.
Female comedians and fashion:
Men aren’t expected to dress a certain way onstage — or offstage, for that matter. They can wear a button-down or a T-shirt and jeans, as Jerry Seinfeld and Louis C.K. have done on both the stage and their eponymous TV shows. Women haven’t gotten off as easily. From the time women took the stage during the days of vaudeville in the early 20th century, their wardrobe choices have shaped their public personae.
Early female comics tended to fall into two categories: those who were self-deprecating about their appearance, and those who portrayed a character with an identifiable costume, such as Jackie “Moms” Mabley a veteran of the Chitlin’ circuit of African-American vaudeville, and Minnie Pearl from Hee Haw, a country-music and comedy variety show that ran from 1969 to 1992.
Fixing the eye-witness problem:
The police wanted to assemble a series of mug shots that they could show to Murray. Cole’s mug shot was already on file. A few months earlier, he had been robbed at gunpoint while trying to buy marijuana. He flagged down a Lubbock police officer, who promised to investigate the robbery but also arrested Cole for marijuana possession and for unlawfully carrying a weapon. In mug shots, most people wear a blank expression or a scowl, but Cole posed with a loopy smile.
Worried that the smile would be a distraction, another detective, George White, went to Cole’s house with a Polaroid camera and asked him to pose in front of a wood-panelled wall. White didn’t mention that Cole was a rape suspect; instead, he said that the police were still looking for the people who had robbed Cole, and that another photograph would help with that investigation. Cole found the request strange, but he consented.
Etsy may be best known as the crafty little online marketplace (valued at a not-so-little$3.5 billion when it went public last April, but now, far less) where you can score vintage crochet bikinis, decorative wine glass markers, leather backpacks, and homemade art festooned with sparrows. But the site also has a burgeoning reputation as a destination for a quick psychic fix.
I think Mallory really brought her A-game to this Prudie question in a way that is very There Is A New Advice Sheriff In Town, And Her Name Is Mallory Fuckin’ Ortberg:
Q. The other woman: My husband of 10 years always liked to cross-dress; he did it when we dated and all through our marriage. It was casual, the occasional outing, a stress-reliever for him that I had no problem with. In the past year, all of a sudden he has ramped up his cross-dressing activities, ordering tons of clothes, going out at least once a week as “Pam,” and telling a few close friends of his proclivities. I know a lot of this is a reaction to our daughter we had two years ago and the new pressures and responsibility, but how do I deal with the resentment that Pam gets all his attention and his daughter and I are second?
oh my gosh people are still emailing Nikki helpful advice:
I do not know a bunch about speedrunning in the gaming world, but I learned a bunch from this! Also, this lady is rad:
Narcissa Wright used to be the fastest Zelda: Ocarina of Time player. Her best run was nearly perfect, the stuff of, well, legends. Cut to now: Wright has developed hand problems and can’t speedrun. She’s also decided to undergo hormone replacement therapy. Her life is fraught with change, and some of her viewers aren’t taking it well.
Please enjoy this Irish sex ed video from the 1980s:
Pete Wells just CAME AFTER Per Se (zee fanciest restaurant in NYC), by which I mean he removed two stars, and it is so much fun:
The kitchen could improve the bacon-wrapped cylinder of quail simply by not placing it on top of a dismal green pulp of cooked romaine lettuce, crunchy and mushy at once. Draining off the gluey, oily liquid would have helped a mushroom potpie from turning into a swampy mess. I don’t know what could have saved limp, dispiriting yam dumplings, but it definitely wasn’t a lukewarm matsutake mushroom bouillon as murky and appealing as bong water.
“The part where your husband is introducing close friends to Pam suggests to me that this is not about cross-dressing for fun every couple of weeks.”
yessss
The one thing I didn’t like about the advice was that it kind of downplayed the fact that (at least taking the LW at face value) he’s kind of checking out of the whole marriage/family thing. I mean, I can totally understand the desire and need to explore this on his part, but there’s still family responsibilities.
If the LW’s partner is struggling to reconcile a need to do this thing, and an assumption that such a thing is “unacceptable” in a domestic environment- as many people do, in my experience- that’s probably contributing. “Wants to wear women’s clothes and so is going away a lot and neglecting family” tends to mean “thinks women’s clothes can’t be worn in the home”. If so, talking through the issue, wherever that leads, might clear some of that up.
People are actually emailing Nikki with “helpful advice”? Good lord.
I mean, the well-meaning ones are. The others are just mean.
Oh god, that advice. As that woman would say, “wow.”
I have a great idea for a book title, “The Audacity of the Unsolicited Advice Giver.”
SMILE BIG!
That last line was definitely strangle-worthy
“Smile big?” Only if it’s to show what big sharp teeth you have.
this makes me want to file my teeth into points so i can bare them at every man who tells me to smile on the street
This definitely made me think of the “Talk less. Smile more” advice from Ham, which would also be super inappropriate in this scenario.
I bet none of the advice is “send your kids out of the room and then stand up on the table and take a dump on their plate”.
BAHAHA
a snippet from one of my favorite early emails, from A Man who explained at length what he would want someone to say to HIM if he had offended:
it struck me that in a similar situation I might be the most likely candidate to make a comparably asinine remark (simply by virtue of being the lucky proprietor of a white penis and its attendant blinders). However, since I can claim simultaneously not to have any intention to discriminate against or insult a fellow human being (which may not have been true for the offending party in your case), I would have appreciated a more assertive rejoinder from the recipient of my comments so as to set me straight on the matter. …
I’m certain you didn’t put finger to keyboard to solicit advice or have judgement passed on your actions, so I hope you don’t take this verbiage for either the former or latter. Should you chance a different, more confrontational approach next time, at the very least you’ll have clarity as to the people you can implicitly rely upon. Perhaps you’d also be helping some one shine a light on their unconsciously held prejudicial views.
I am a person frequently guilty of using fancier words than necessary and yet every time he uses a five dollar word where a 5 cent word would have worked, I want to slap the teeth out of this person.
my own admittedly infantile reaction was wow I didn’t know white dicks came with blinders
Issued at birth, I’m afraid. There’s a tiny ceremony. Only for the hwhites, tho.
Judging from his email, he’d totally appreciate a multi-paragraph assertive rejoinder about how it’s a bit transphobic to equate gender and genitals.
I’m convinced this entire letter was an excuse for him to mention his dick.
“proprietor of a white penis” no get out go fling yourself in a dumpster
LUCKY proprietor
verbiage
Whenever I see that word I want to pull out my own teeth.
Adding it to the list of words White Guys Use On The Internet
A List of Words Literally All White Men on the Internet Employ Every Day
We need this post to happen — think of all the wonderful deleted comments!
“whilst”
Except For The Ones Who Use “Verbage” And Don’t Realize Their Error
YES I work with someone who does this, I was disheartened to find it is not just Sarah Palin.
HE’S NOT EVEN USING IT RIGHT
HOW DO YOU KNOW MAYBE HE SELLS DICKS
(I MEANT ‘VERBIAGE’ BUT ‘PROPRIETOR’ IS SUPER OFF-PUTTING ALSO)
How helpful of him to let you know how he, as a possible maker of offensive remarks, would best like you to react! His opinion is definitely the important one.
I’m certain you didn’t put finger to keyboard to solicit advice
THEN WHY HAVE YOU GIVEN ADVICE?
(also, the “proprietor of a white penis” line is making me feel slightly unwell while also being confused as to what exactly he’s doing with said penis.)
yeah, I did not love it being mentioned either, but I suppose he just couldn’t help himself.
“I’m certain you didn’t put finger to keyboard to solicit advice
THEN WHY HAVE YOU GIVEN ADVICE?”
My personal pet peeve is men (it’s almost always men) who believe that acknowledging some version of “I’m being an asshole” thus invalidates the moral wrong of their actions because they are Honest.
…um, no, you’re even more wrong now because you have demonstrated you know better and aren’t acting out of ignorance but rather a general entitlement that you don’t need to be kind/thoughtful/respectful toward others.
I am hours and hours late but I HAVE to comment because “I’m just being honest” is almost my least favorite thing to hear EVER because of exactly what you said.
That’s just shy of sounding like an alien trying to pass itself as human…
Did Gabe the Victorian write this?
uggghhh, why do so many white dudes think a thesaurus is the key to Good Writing?
what.
a.
pretentious.
shit.
NO ONE CARES whether or not you meant to cause offense. you did. it’s not anyone else’s job to tell you how or why. it’s your job to figure out how to get your head out of your ass so you stop putting your foot in your mouth.
I would like to recommend myself to email all these people back with helpful advice. (“Helpful”. Also probably “advice”.)
Today I learned that racism is solved with pizzazz (or pizzas?) and a time machine.
When I think of pizzazz I think of spirit fingers for some reason. Spirit fingers solve racism, you guys!
Perhaps we should send Pizzazz and the Misfits to chase them on giant guitar bikes?
LET ME GUESS it’s mostly white people
obviously since white people don’t face racism they have cracked the code, it’s just logic
He removed TWO stars! That review is A+.
That’s right! I was thinking Michelin system!!!
100% endorse reading the Per Se comments for a mix of A) insufferable snobbery about fine dining and B) insufferable self-righteousness about not being into fine dining.
The NYT dining section is my favorite source for insufferable dining snobbery. Ugh, I just love its nonsense so much.
Someone in the comments suggested he go after Le Bernardin next, which led me to this New York magazine review of the restaurant, where I was favored with this comment:
FISH,FISH,FISH!!! & more FISH! I selected the 7 course tasting menu with wine pairing. When wine pairings are done well, after tasting the food and sipping the wine there should be an indescribable burst of flavor in your mouth. Each bite and sip should bring out different notes and scents in the wine causing you to YURN for more.
YURN, I tell you.
You do it in a YURT
The NYT even collected the responses into another article.
(never doubt my ability to find a relevant scene from The West Wing for any discussion)
(pls let’s discuss the outfits in that video and also how everything that happens in or bodies is based on ~God’s love~ and not, you know, science. Also, it goes from 0 to 60 REAL QUICK)
The State of the Union always makes me want to watch West Wing, I might have to indulge a little tonight. “CJ’s not wearing pants!”
i recently rewatched The Jackal and became terrified that it was Problematic.
The Jackal is free from reproach. It is simply an experience unto itself.
this is the validation I needed. many thanks!
Nope the Jackal is perfect, it remains unscathed by time or by Sorkin.
and sorkin TRIED HIS DAMNDEST to ruin literally my entire childhood, but his characters flouted him. (i say this only half-ironically.)
ALSO it is in fact Big Block of Cheese Day at the White House so I’m watching this a million times.
oh god i almost screamed “JOSH!!!!!” at my desk.
Aaaahhh, they are such darlings.
#Donna4Pres all day every day.
Definitely a campaign I can get behind. (I still don’t know how I feel about her getting the role of Chief of Staff to the First Lady. On the one hand, yay, Donna deserves to have her exellence recognised and to have responsibility and a position of power! On the other … could she not perhaps be Chief of Staff to someone in an actual elected role, rather than just the wife of the President, and with slightly less of an emphasis on social stuff (yes, I know that’s not all the First Lady does)?
A+ West Wing tie in!
my people. you are my people. i love you all so much.
And now I’m reliving “I believe in America, because Americans are full of sunshine and puppies and gumption” from last night.
This Per Se review! It begins like the climax of a Victorian novel!!
“The lady had dropped her napkin.
More accurately, she had hurled it to the floor in a fit of disillusionment, her small protest against the slow creep of mediocrity and missed cues during a four-hour dinner at Per Se that would cost the four of us close to $3,000. Some time later, a passing server picked up the napkin without pausing to see whose lap it was missing from, neatly embodying the oblivious sleepwalking that had pushed my guest to this point.”
YES YES A THOUSAND TIMES YES
A LITERAL LINE OF BEAUTY, that opener.
Once, the table was set for dessert so haphazardly that my spoon ended up next to my water glass instead of my plate. Sitting down after a trip to the restroom, one of my guests had his chair pushed back into place with a hard shove. Has the dance teacher been replaced by a rugby coach?
Normally I’d be like “okay, whatever, nit picks” but $3,000 FOR A DINNER Y’ALL
Right?! For that much money every single thing better be absolutely perfect.
lol at spending 3 grand on a dinner. I don’t think I can read this piece after that.
it’s one of those things where, in the back of my head I’m thinking, “maybe one day if I had the cash it would be fun to do a SUPER FANCY dinner.” and articles like this gently shake their heads at that thought, and tell it no, this experience doesn’t overlap at ALL with your definition of fun.
The words on the page say “Dinner costs $750 a head and this is a viable business model for a restaurant that isn’t even that good”, but the words in my heart say “The upper class in this fakakta country needs a confiscatory tax rate on the upper wealth brackets for their own stupid good.”
I mean, if those people would just learn some personal financial responsibility….[shake head]
I would LOVE to see the accounting paperwork for a restaurant like this. What is that $750 paying for? After all the concrete stuff like rent and food and dishware, what’s the margin on Atmosphere and Experience? Or what’s the straight-up “we are charging more because psychologically a $200 bottle of wine tastes better than a $50 bottle of wine” cost?
My understanding is that the two things that move fine dining costs the most at those tiers are labor and space. The more hospitality humans, dishwashers, sous chefs are involved, the more expensive to run the place. And if they are giving you more square feet per table/decorations/kitchen size, that does move the needle on how that rent price gets distributed per table.
Also (and this is a big one), a four hour dining experience only happens once per table per night. And if they’re a dinner-only place, that’s not being subsidized by lunch or brunch or breakfast. Where a single table might be used by five or six parties at a typical full service place over the course of a day, there’s only the one here.
I’m still not sure that’s how you get to $750/person for dinner, but that’s definitely how you can get to several hundred dollars per guest for a wedding, which is driven by similar pricing schemes.
oh yeah, I forgot about the part where it takes FOUR HOURS. Another check in my personal “no fun” column.
Although, to be fair, one usually gets quite drunk.
I think the one seating per night is a lot of it, yeah. Amanda Cohen did a great column a couple years ago about restaurant pricing that was quite interesting, for a general look at menu costs and why they are, but at a place like EMP or Per Se, while they can control for say food waste (because of the set menus), a table basically has to pay its rent for the whole night.
http://www.eater.com/2014/5/21/6221081/amanda-coh…
that is really interesting! you could go pretty deep into getting that average per-table check, the whole psychology around how prices determine what drinks/food people choose is fascinating, especially when the price differences are in the same $5 or so range.
She did a column last year, after opening a new larger space, on having to really re-evaluate her menu (and really her restaurant) after a few months, because people were coming and loving the place and not spending the money she needed to clear per table. It did go into a lot of that – how many items on the menu, whether you serve cocktails, etc, how to change how a table orders. I love that she is very upfront about the costs of business, I eat at restaurants like hers and feel like I know how to be a better customer now.
this is really interesting, thanks for the link! I have spent $20-30 for a meal in NYC that costs $10 where I live now, and it’s cool to see it broken down.
“has to pay its rent for the whole night.”
And you would not even begin to believe the price per square foot for retail where Per Se is located. http://therealdeal.com/issues_articles/retails-cr… http://streeteasy.com/blog/most-expensive-buildin…
THIS is what comes of actively trying to turn Manhattan into something ONLY for tourists and the 1%. (oh my home! I miss you!) I will stop now before I bust out into another 50 rounds of FUCK YOOOOOOOOOOOOOU FOR EVER BLOOOOOMBERG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Per Se probably have a fairly preferential rent because they are a prestige brand in the TWC. (Similar to the Hudson Yards proposed restaurant.). Iirc when Landmarc opened they were rumored to be paying something like $85/sq ft? That’s almost a decade ago now. [I mean, yes, Bloomberg, the worst, agreed! Just noting that the dining world of TWC is a different thing from the H&M retail plazas.]
I read about exclusive nightclubs in London where they would actually say “If you’re going to occupy this table, we expect a certain (high) level of spending”, and the hedge fund boys on a night out would just see it as an easy challenge.
a. 1000 percent agreement.
b. extra credit for use of “fakakta.”
In the past year or so I have gotten a better job and paid off my student loans, and my parents have paid off their house. So there’s more money to go around, is what I’m saying. And as a result there have been a couple of fancy dinners. Not like, $750 per person fancy, but maybe $100-$120 fancy? A couple of those meals have been excellent and a couple have been really meh. I’d say it’s like 60% that I’ll feel like it was money well spent. You know what I’m satisfied with 95% of the time? Cheap Mexican food. Do the math, people!
we did a $100 per person New Year’s Eve dinner and it was underwhelming.
i had been super stoked after looking at their menu online and seeing fried rabbit with white asparagus and “mushroom bushes” 😀 alas, they did a limited menu with steak/fish/chicken entrees. i was like, WTF is this a wedding reception?! I can cook these meats at home FFS.
*sad panda*
Most of my experiences with fine dining have been underwhelming. I think when you cook a lot for yourself you just get good enough at making things exactly the way you like so that spending 40x as much (or whatever it amounts to) for food made in a way someone else prefers inevitably disappoints. I’m also vegetarian and chefs rarely do veggie food as well as they should for the price.
Yes, a vegetarian tasting menu that costs the same as the regular one with much cheaper ingredients and much less thought put into it is not tempting. I’m potentially willing to pay good money for fancy food, and it’s fine to charge a lot for very good things done to very high-quality vegetables, but not if it’s obviously an afterthought.
i don’t mind spenidng the $$$ when i can try something new or weird or different. that’s why i had my heart set on rabbit. i ate it when i was younger but i’m not cooking rabbit at home these days. being limited to proteins i cook all the time was super lame.
(the chopped salmon salad was pretty dope, though. not $100 worth of dope but the highlight of the meal for sure.)
Come to Portland and eat at Portobello. High-end Italian-inspired vegan dining. Like half their positive reviews are people who aren’t even vegan. They’re just amazing.
I have a friend who went to Le Bernardin for an anniversary dinner, and they basically said “I guess I just really like peasant food?” which would be me too. I have no problem paying good money for really great ingredients, but I like them prepared pretty simply and enjoyed family-style so this whole thing would be wasted on me.
I’m 100% peasant, so I’m biased, but I have a suspicion that the reviewer is kind of unconsciously leaning that way, too. Like he is (justifiably) critical of lobster with oatmeal (???) or chestnut puree, and he likes the dishes that seemed to me to stick with pretty basic taste combinations, like fish with potatoes, or a cheesy risotto.
for real, though chestnut puree is delicious (and it’s not an especially surprising or fancy thing, at least not in West & Central European countries — there is even a version you can buy canned).
Huh, I’m going to have to give it a try! I was definitely writing to my personal taste, though, since I’m not all that keen on chestnuts, un-pureed.
I went to a very fancy resturant with my boyfriend once and came out afterwards wanting to have chips. Fine dining is definitely wasted on me.
I used to work at a place like this, not in NYC though. And when I say place like this, I mean people I worked with were part of the opening crew at Per Se. I saw a dinner at work about a dozen years ago where the per head cost was $2,500.
I’m sad that Chef Keller let Per Se slide so far down. He’s so known for perfectionism around the industry. While I’m sure he’s not there all the time I know it’s him that chose the chef de cuisine and if that guy can’t hack it, he needs to go. And if Chef Keller can’t keep a good enough eye on his chef then maybe he needs to close it down. After a review like that, God knows how they’re going to keep it open anyway.
Oh man, I’ve been avoiding this because I didn’t want to use up an NYT read but now I have to! That’s great!!
I took gleeful delight in reading Pete Wells’ review and his subtraction of two stars. Now I don’t have to feel bad that I can never afford to eat at Per Se!
For all its other wtf, the sex ed video does get points for ‘married people are friends, so they’re probably going to laugh during sex’. I had OK sex ed, but I did think that sex was going to be this Very Serious Passionate experience, while I have actually found it to be at least 30% laughing because something is awkward or weird or just plain funny.
The first two people I had sex with both said ‘Why are you laughing?’ in an offended tone when I laughed. My baffled response: ‘Because I’m having fun’. They both seemed to think I was laughing at them, which was really sad.
Are you me? Exact same experience. Sigh.
It is actually pretty specific and informative. The evangelical stuff I’ve seen is a lot worse.
I got all verklempt looking at the tween girls and boys at the beginning, so awkward and sweet and around the same age as my older daughter. Only with much, much worse-fitting jeans.
I’ve briefly laughed during sex: sometimes because bodies are weird and sex can be awkward, sometimes not because anything was particularly funny, just FUN, and sometimes it’s good to lighten the mood of the Very Serious Passionate Experience.
Plus, she showed p going into v! But, like, once. And then it’s over. Imagine being a first-timer and thinking, “Wait, what’s wrong? Why is it happening over and over?” instead of enjoying, or at very least expecting, over and over.
You know, an extraordinary thing happened at my Episcopal church in the early 80’s (OMG, around the time of that video!), where we had a youth group retreat/sleep over at the church (don’t worry, this ends well, I promise). The theme was basically, Knowing Your Body (it ends well, promise!) and I really did learn a lot! Plus, the best part was an anonymous Q and A with the priest and his wife, probably, and maybe a few other adults on a dais and they honestly answered questions and it was giggly, yeah, but healthy and brave of them.
I tell you, there are reasons I love the Episcopal church. So many reasons.
As a person who is not yet a sex-haver (mostly due to fear), this is a delightful and reassuring comment to read.
I highly recommend Hearher Corinna’s amazing website, Scarleteen, and her book, S.E.X. (http://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/1600940102), which will have a new edition out this summer.
Infuriating story of an astrophysics professor who “fell in love” with a grad student and she ended up having to leave. http://www.buzzfeed.com/azeenghorayshi/ott-harass… Includes this gem, “Sometimes their chats were casual; he’d recommend that she read Charles Bukowski or listen to Leonard Cohen.”
“I am just so happy that I have a female grad student who is actually sane and I can talk to,” Ott wrote to her in January 2014.
AAAAAARGGH. THAT’S NOT THE POINT OF PROFESSORS AAAAGGGHHHH.
Ugh, “you’re not like other FILL_IN_GROUP” is the most assholish backhanded bullshit in this world.
not only was he terrible to the two women in this article, he was probably a sexist asshole to all the other female grad students! ugh terrible.
Yep. That’s a dead giveaway.
DOES HE THINK THE STUDENTS ARE THERE TO ENTERTAIN THE PROFESSORS?
You know, I have some residual sympathy for the claustrophobic environment of academia and how people’s inappropriate feelings are handled within it, and I was feeling a leeeeetle sorry for the boundary-crossing professor and then I read about the 86-love-poem Tumblr and was all “No you’re right you ARE out of your mind!” And then it just got worse from there. Ugh.
noooooooooooooooooooooooo
“The reason he had fired her was because he was concerned she was using her sexual influence over him to not do any work,” Gossan told BuzzFeed News.
WHAT
Which is ass, right? If she wasn’t doing any work, then he could fire her for. . . not doing any work. What do his feelings have to do with it?
I came here to see if someone else caught this. The wrong – it hurts.
using her sexual influence over him to not do any work,
This is why men should never have any power ever. They just can’t handle it.
(I always think this during the “Sharon Stone’s cunt” scene in Basic Instinct. I just want there to be one female cop who rolls her eyes at all these hypnotised men and goes, “oh for heaven’s SAKE! It’s just a fanny!”
Oh hey, it’s my ex!boss and my returned!coworker, how nice.
(we hired her back, and she’s amazing and wonderful)
Infuriating, yeah, but also (and this is sad on its own) uplifting to know that Caltech actually took action. You never hear stories like that.
yeah, the article itself points out the difference between Caltech’s actions and UC Berkeley’s actions regarding Geoff Marcy.
Glad Caltech is doing something, though it feels like too little.
I’m only at the part where they get to the girl’s name, and just the intro to this article is making me angry, but I have to stop here and point something out.
He’s an astrophysics professor. Her first name is Io, which is a moon of Jupiter. Weird enough. But there’s also a parallel within the mythology, since Zeus was “in lust,” as wikipedia puts it, with Io. LIFE IS WEIRD, GUYS.
When *wasn’t* Zeus in lust tho
I remember a theatre PhD program that had multiple grad students named Phaedra, all at the same time! Life is weird!
Man, how strange would it be to suddenly have to be, like, Phaedra J. after 17 years of being the one in the class with the weird name?
My name is not as unusual as Phaedra, but pretty unusual (it’s never been in the top 1000 girls’ names used in the UK or US, I think), and when I started school there was another girl in my class with the same name, meaning we were both “firstname + initial”. It was weird.
Never interact with a dude who wants you to read Charles Bukowski.
I saw some headline recently like “relax to the sounds of Tom Waits reading a Bukowski poem.”
nah
‘No thanks, I’m not a 25-year old white man with no imagination and a persecution complex’
Aaaaah. This sounds like the opposite of relaxing. Reading it made me more anxious.
THROW IT ALL INTO A (contextually appropriate) SUPERNOVA UGH.
I’m super shocked they didn’t just straight-up fire him. It sounds like there are other issues going on besides sexual harassment, which is plenty serious enough to begin with. Only 2 of his graduates have actually graduated since 2009??? BAD NEWS
That he got tenure with such an appalling graduation rate is astounding. Major red flag there.
If they are PhD advisees, though, six years is not that long.
Maybe I’m an outlier, but I have never chatted online with any of my professors or my advisor and would be seriously freaked out if they suggested doing so “late at night” for any reason other than working on a paper that was coming up on a deadline. Not appropriate! My advisor once asked me if I wished we had a more informal, friendly relationship and I was basically like, “Fuck no, I like my boundaries.”
Nope, not an outlier in my experience. I have meetings over Skype with my supervisor now that I’m not in the same city as him, but that’s at like 10 in the morning and 100% professional. Boundaries are essential.
omg, my skin wants to crawl off my body from reading that. It was terrible and then it kept getting worse.
ugh man I just read this and I’m so grossed out by the way the article uses the phrase “fell in love” more than once. For a piece that’s so sympathetic to the students I’m surprised that wording wasn’t “developed an obsession with” or “had an intense crush on.”
omg it’s the guy from Liberal Dude Erotica
“a lukewarm matsutake mushroom bouillon as murky and appealing as bong water.” God bless this man.
I feel certain it was linked here a few months ago– what was that incredible take-down of a few super-expensive NY restaurants? Maybe in the New Yorker?
this one, in Harper’s? http://harpers.org/archive/2015/09/a-goose-in-a-d…
(which I am now re-reading for the sheer joy of it.)
YES! This is going to be the best lunch break ever.
Thank you SO MUCH for this. It is FANTASTIC.
This is fantastic, and I’m positive when the critic got sick from the food later he was heaving over the toilet thinking “This. Is. A. METAPHOR.”
That was so, so good.
Delightful in every regard, but especially since I now know what “per se” literally means.
Wow, this is amazing! I kind of feel like this is what Ignatius J. Reilly would sound like as a food critic. But maybe that’s just because I’m at the part where she describes being “partially flayed” by a piece of metal sticking out of the wall.
One tiny dish of salmon, black rye, and pickled cucumber is, we are told, “inspired by immigrants.” Were they very tiny immigrants?
I’M DYING
That was spectacular. I started laughing at the turnip at Eleven Madison Park and didn’t stop until the literally incomprehensible Japanese writing at Masa. Thank you.
There’s also the outstandingly scathing review of the restaurant in the Trump Tower in Toronto: http://www.theglobeandmail.com/life/food-and-wine…
#ham4SOTU
How lucky we are, indeed.
“Ask all prospective partners: “do you have nieces?” and if they say no, do not go on a second date with them.”
Reasons to Be Poly, #74: If you meet someone without nieces, you can still date them. Also, it is easier to accumulate a large stable of nieces with many partners! BINDERS full of nieces!!
My partner did not have a niece when we started dating, but he does now.
I am an only child, and thus cannot answer this question in the affirmative (my BFF has a baby boy who will call my “Aunt” when he is old enough, but since I am his godmother I just call him my godson instead of nephew, though I suppose if he has sisters someday I will call them my nieces…)
And also, when you have kids with your anchor partner and your other partner has kids with their anchor partner, you all become aunts & uncles to the kid who isn’t yours. (One day we’ll have to have a conversation with our son about his 3 different kinds of uncles. One day.)
I mean, even children without poly family have different kinds of aunts/uncles!!!
I had my godmother, who was also my mother’s best friend, who was also my paternal uncle’s ex-wife!
Oh right, just this summer my Uncle Rob came to visit, who is a friend of my parents when they were all young and I was a child. And I introduced him as “Uncle Rob” which means my kid now calls him that… so really he has FOUR kinds of uncles.
Chosen Family is excellent.
That restaurant review reminded me of this one by Jay Rayner: http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/oct/…. Not taking down somewhere nearly as respected, but still good fun (if somewhat smug, like all Jay Rayner’s writing).
Also, this total gem, also by Pete Wells. Edited to add, it is about Guy Fieri http://www.nytimes.com/2012/11/14/dining/reviews/…
That review is one of my favorite things of all time. 🙂
YES RIP FIERI MULTIPLE NEW ONES, PETE WELLS.
This is beautiful.
When I woke up this morning, I did not know that I needed this in my life. You have brought me great joy on a difficult day. Thank you.
Oh! Oh! Marina O’Loughlin in the Guardian on Saturdays (Jay Rayner is in the Observer, sister Sunday paper).
Oh you will love this.
http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/dec/…
Her “take-down” reviews are worth their weight in murky bong-water IN A GOLD BONG.
Yassss I love her reviews. They’re never outright nasty – even when she hates a place, she’s still funny.
Her reviews are the best (especially the negative ones).
Toasties, I’m sorry that this has nothing to do with the links, but my jerkbrain is hitting me really hard today (for example: my husband didn’t say goodbye before he left for work this morning and that must mean he hates me and wants a divorce) and I’m not sure how I’m going to make it through work without a breakdown of some kind. Everything feels like a crisis and I feel completely overwhelmed and underwater. And good thoughts or suggestions or internet hugs would be appreciated.
Is there something nice you can do for yourself today? Like get a food you love, or watch/read something trashy, or (my go to!) get your nails done fancy?
Make it a reward for the continued good service of body parts that are not your brain and not conditional on getting anything done. Some days breathing is enough.
I’m sorry your jerkbrain is being such a jerk, and I’m sure you are a wonderful, capable person who can overcome this! Lots of internet hugs sent your way.
Big old internet hug from me. My brain can be the same sort of silly, and it totally sucks. Can you put on some distracting music or take a walk around the block to try to clear your head?
Jerkbrains are the worst.
Sending you many internet hugs and good thoughts and also this picture, which helps me when my jerkbrain is being an ass: http://www.ashleydalziel.com/uploads/2/8/2/8/2828…
Sympathy! It’s hard when one of those days comes along.
It’s just a day and it will be over soon. Can you find one nice thing you can do for yourself? A treat at lunch, or something? A ten-minute walk outside, if the weather is good where you are? Think of what would make you happy if someone else did it for you, and do it for yourself. You deserve it.
Ugh, jerkbrain days are the worst days. Knowing it’s a jerkbrain day is suuuuper important for me. I literally take a post it note, write “jerkbrain???” and stick it to my computer monitor so that I look at it constantly and re-assess whether I’m having a jerkbrain reaction.
Big hugs for you! Those are hard days, and you just take it five minutes at a time and be as kind to yourself as you can. You are a good person having a rough day, and that deserves compassion, not jerkbrain.
Cat videos are my go to during jerkbrain tailspins. Cats are my role models–they feel no guilt for what they want, and no shame for claiming it, be it affection, naps, that roll of toilet paper that just needed to be shredded…when I start to feel like I am not allowed to exist or be happy, I try to channel some favored feline companions. Um, that might not be what you need now. But laughing at cat videos is never a bad thing.
And we are thinking of you.
I was going to suggest asking oneself what Maru would do in a particular situation. His Roundness is so wonderful at ignoring things he doesn’t want to deal with. I also sometimes put pens on the edges of tables and such and then bat them off and look down at them on the floor with mild surprise because that makes me giggle, but I’m not 100% a good mental health role model.
I also sometimes put pens on the edges of tables and such and then bat them off and look down at them on the floor with mild surprise
I am SO tempted to try this at work. Definitely happening when I get home. 😀
If cat videos are what you need, how about Jedi cats (which I have only just learned about)? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ad5EsRZ_6pE https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m6erUBMtV2g
or these two talking cats? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z3U0udLH974
Ugh jerkbrain is the worst. Here is what I find helpful: When jerkbrain won’t shut up, close your eyes and take three deep breaths, focusing on the feeling of the breath going in and out. If nothing else, you got three breaths’ worth of freedom from jerkbrain and a little extra oxygen; I find it usually helps relax the tension in my shoulders and chest, too, which dials down my overall anxiety level a bit.
Do you have a private place where you can cry? Just letting it out helps me a lot sometimes. Last night I ugly-cried while in the shower and then exfoliated my entire body and I felt anew.
Also great for cleaning out the ole sinuses in my experience.
Sending good thoughts for your brain to be gentle, and if you’re at all roused by getting mad about something, go back and read the comment by the guy with penis blinders.
Oh, jerkbrain. Why you so mean???
*hugs times a billionty*
it will pass. You’ll be okay. Jerkbrain will eventually capitulate to normalbrain.
I always try to make sure i stay hydrated, well fed, and get some movement in. A change if scenery is also good for fooling a jerkbrain.
Just saying this because sometimes it helps to have someone else say it, and disclaimer I of course know nothing about your relationship, BUT: It is highly, extremely, very very unlikely that your husband not saying goodbye before he left means anything except that he was sleepy or in a hurry or thinking about his to-do list or something else mundane. (My brain does this too and sometimes it helps to have an outside voice saying, ehhh, probably off base there, jerkbrain!) (if this is not helpful to hear, feel free to ignore.)
This is obviously not a solution, but it may help: I made it absolutely clear to my partner that he cannot leave the house without a kiss and an “I love you.” This truly makes my life better, even if I’m anxious about other stuff. Maybe asking for that would give you a little boost?
I am so sorry you are having one of those days! What has helped me when I’ve had days like that is to write a really loving letter to myself, as if my adult self was writing to my little girl self. For me, what I’ve learned through therapy is that those kinds of anxiety soaked days come from the child inside me that is scared and wants to be loved, and I’ve realized that I am really capable of giving that love!
*hugs to you*
fucking brainweasels are the worst weasels. i have an internet hug if that will help. i’ll leave it here:
***HUG***
(see also: crying in the bathroom at work. sometimes a 2 minute breakdown helps me tremendously.)
I’m sorry about the jerkbrian thing. Another friend who has jerkbrain problems is very soothed by having friends say “It’s all going to be OK.” No documentation or substantiation required. So, in the hopes that this is also soothing to you …
It’s all going to be OK.
I am also having a jerkbrain day, so I feel you. I opened up the window shades and listened to this song for a while, and I’m feeling a little better: https://youtu.be/L2-3ooX_XkQ
My jerkbrain day coping methods:
Make and eat something really delicious (extra points if I have to walk somewhere to buy the ingredients) and then watch a nature/science program. Last time it was vegan “chicken” tenders, baked and cut up, on top of tortilla chips and covered in fake cheese and broiled, eaten while watching Cosmos.
The other one I like is taking myself out for a nice meal while reading a novel.
I think in both cases it’s the physical act of eating something delicious I wouldn’t normally eat, plus something that takes me out of myself for a little while.
Though neither option is good while you’re at work. Hmm.
SOTU thoughts? #HAM4SOTU was a thing of joy and beauty: https://storify.com/jenunexpected/ham4sotu
I’m going to come back to this in 20 minutes and post all of my favorite tweets from the evening, but this summed it up pretty well:
The #POTUS showed up to the #SOTU with a box of mics and he’s dropping them all.
(Also I was super uncomfortable with the whole “we are the biggest and most powerful and kill whoever we want whenever we want” and I get he’s trying to counteract the Democrats == wimps thing, but still: deeply uncomfortable for this hippie socialist.)
The link’s not working 🙁
John Kerry looks more like a Halloween mask of John Kerry every time I see him.
Michelle Obama’s eyelashes were amazing. The lady in the pink blazer with black piping at the collar, also A+. Republicans need to ditch the red power tie in the 80s where it belongs.
I am distraught by the state of skin care on Capitol Hill and think that our esteemed representatives should be putting some of their ill-gotten lobbyist bribes towards some La Mer.
And why was Kim Davis even there?
Goddammit. Here’s a link straight to the hashtag: https://twitter.com/hashtag/ham4sotu
Ah, thanks. I was going through the hashtag earlier, but thought there might be more in a storify because I don’t understand twitter. (It sometimes tells me there’s no more in the hashtag, when there actually is. Weird.)
“I’m a candidate, WHEEEE” made me reflexively cover my mouth to keep in the guffaw.
I mean
Oh my god, thank you SO MUCH for bringing this tweet to my attention.
I lied, it took a little longer than 20 minutes. ANYWAYS.
ETA: HAHAHAHA NOPE fuckin’ ID gimme a minute.
A Storify that should work. After yesterday’s tag debacle, I’m terrified of breaking things again, but we can’t let fear hold us back.
I love how many Toasties and other People I Like On The Internet show up in #Ham4SOTU.
I wanted to watch but I also needed to get out of the house, and the bar I would up at* did not have it on! Reading the transcript this morning felt pretty meh but just looking at screenshots of Obama & Biden is giving me feels.
*I realized I hadn’t gone out on SOTU night in years, in fact, not since I lived in DC. So now I’m curious: where you live, would you expect to see the SOTU on TV at a typical neighborhood bar?
Me: These are so funny!!!!!!! -sends a “One Last Time” tweet; promptly bursts into tears-
My partner: …. are you sure these aren’t making you cry?
I am SO SAD that I missed this hashtag last night, oh my GOD.
I finally got around to jumping on the Hamilton train this week, and I may be super keyed in to rhyme right now, because when Obama said “from Boston to Austin” my heart skipped. I fully expected him to just keep going with it, Cabinet Meeting style.
Toast friends. I’m seeing Hamilton on the 21st. On the off chance – is anyone else? SO PUMPED.
I’m going February 6th! Please post about cast changes/your feelings on cast changes. The comments around here lately have me worried some. I mean, Lin must get colds, right? The others too? But, I’ve been on media boycott about it, so I really know very little about the cast or anything, to go in clean, so it probably won’t matter much. Excited for you (and me too)!
I’ve heard great things about Lin’s understudies! I’m going in October so I know the original cast will probably not be there (sob Leslie Odom Jr. plz don’t ever leave), but I’ve listened to the album so much I think it’ll be really cool to hear new interpretations.
Yeah, I could deal with ANY understudy except for Leslie Odom Jr, he is irreplaceable.
Truly inimitable, truly an original.
I would actually be happy to hear Lin’s understudy, because honestly Lin’s voice is weak (for starring in a major Broadway play).
(I want to see LOJ and DD, though.)
Lin was out last weekend when I saw it and I will admit seeing the little paper announcement about understudies made me pretty disappointed, but then it turns out 1) that was totally unfair to the understudy (I saw Rua), who was of course a super talented and carefully selected performer, and in a way seeing someone who was an unknown quantity at the beginning of this show was really fitting for the role, and 2) it really is an ensemble piece in the best way, so even if one person was god forbid having a bad day the show would still be amazing.
Also this New Yorker piece! http://www.newyorker.com/culture/cultural-comment…
I saw it Javier Munoz as Hamilton, and honestly he was FANTASTIC. I would love to see it with LMM but I got to go on a Sunday and he did a great job and I would not really stress – the show is still beyond.
I will be there on the 20th! Toastie ships, passing in the night (or afternoon, I am seeing a matinee).
Sorry to miss you!
And obviously I’ll report back. 🙂
I am also seeing the matinee on the 20th! Squeeeeeeeee
I’m going February 16th!
I’ve internalized the OBCR so much I’m scared I’ll start comparing the performances to what I’m expecting to hear. As much as I want to see the original leads, the youtube #ham4ham’s have proved that that all the U/S’s and swings are INCREDIBLE, so it’ll be fabulous even if there are swaps that night.
My fantasy: Act 1, during scene change after That Would Be Enough
Lin: (breaking character as house lights come up) Daveed and his U/s have just been struck with a 3 minute long bout of laryngitis. Is there anyone in the house who knows his part in Guns and Ships?
Me: (confidently raising hand from row B of the mezz.)
Yes! I am actually really looking forward to hearing all of the little nuances of live performance because I know it’s going to be really different from the perfection of the soundtrack, even just from the regular cast.
when are you seeing it? maybe we can compare notes!
Feb 20th!
I am, actually! With my mom, who is responsible for the tickets. I’m trying to figure out how much to dress up for it.
Oh cool! Yeah I don’t know what the dressing up norms are but may wear a work dress bc that’s normal for me and I’m coming from work…
It was a wide array of dress, from business casual to black tie. I went in a suit and my GF went in a nice dress and we were maybe slightly overdressed for the back rows. (which we didn’t really mind, but if you’re concerned about it)
I’m going Jan 29th!!!!! I cannot wait.
I’m seeing it on January 30. Wheee!
I am going on Feb 20th (matinee)… I basically forget and then remember on an every couple of days basis and get to get excited all over again. It’s great!
“my spoon ended up next to my water glass instead of my plate”
sorry, but did his editor cut the next line, THE WORLD USED TO BE A CIVILIZED PLACE
Human sacrifice! Dogs and cats living together! Mass hysteria!
Good lord.
Okay, I have never like the NPR sports commentator, but today’s bit from him was just… oh it was just awful. Like, if you don’t like soccer, fine, rich tapestry etc, but don’t begrudgingly grant “a certain beauty to the game–the men’s game, that is.” Like he LITERALLY SAID that women’s soccer doesn’t even have the TINY BIT OF BEAUTY that the men’s game has. Fucker.
THANK YOU. Frank Deford is truly awful and I am so surprised that my otherwise beloved NPR keeps running his garbage opinions.
Seriously! His annual one good insight into something baseball-related does not make up up for 51 weeks of absolute trash.
sometimes i appreciate them keeping him around solely for the productivity boost my raging at him brings.
i tend to channel my anger into getting shit done. it’s weird.
“Click the audio to hear more of what Frank Deford has to say about soccer.” No thanks, Frank!
Wow, how does someone even get away with that bullshit??? This is mostly a rhetorical question, but damn.
For the small part of your question that is not rhetorical: He gets away with this, and much other bullshit, I’m sure, because he is a tall white man.
Haha, yeah, I was like “I already know the answer to this” when I wrote that, but still needed to express incredulity. Really having a “Valar Morghulis: Yes All Men” kind of day.
And sure, let’s shame football players and basketball players for being “freaks” – I’m sure it’s entirely coincidental that those sports are the only place where a lot of white Americans see large numbers of African-American men in a positive light. And judge football players for being “obese” when the ENTIRE POINT of some players is to be too big to get past. AND to suggest that soccer is more “democratic,” as if professional soccer players aren’t just as far from average as players of good ol’ American sports.
Yeah, he’s not even bothering to disguise his racism and sexism anymore.
wait, isn’t he a baseball guy? How do talk about soccer as the normal person game as opposed to American sports and not talk about baseball?
I’m not going to waste my time listening to the piece, so my questions are entirely rhetorical.
He mentioned baseball at one point but I was too busy screaming at the radio to hear what he said.
He said something about how baseball is also too hard because pitchers pitch too fast for most people to react to or something. Maybe other stuff, but I had to go do literally anything else than keep listening to him.
Even before clicking through, I thought, “I’ll bet houblonchouffe is talking about Frank Deford.” He’s one of the reasons I no longer miss Morning Edition; they fired Bob Edwards but kept Frank Fucking Deford.
I have a deep and abiding antipathy for that man, based entirely on the sound of his voice (as I ignore the words that he says with it).
Frank Deford and Andy Rooney are baaaasically the same person, only one of them is still (technically) alive, right???
NPR Sports is worse off for having lost Mike Pesca. I can take small doses of Bill Littlefield’s Only A Game, but that’s at least in part because he has Charlie Pierce on the show regularly, and I’m inclined to think well of CP for Reasons.
Every time NPR asks me to donate, I refuse to do so as long as they subject me to that mediocre windbag Frank Deford and his partner in Boring Old White Dudes, Garrison “folksy ahole” Keillor.
The Etsy psychic article was great, so I’m going to be a prescriptive asshole over here rather than over there and roll my eyes that the author sic-ed this perfectly standard use of “effect”:
“any metaphysical service that promises or suggests it will effect [sic] a physical change (e.g., weight loss) or other outcome (e.g., love, revenge) is not allowed, even if it delivers a tangible item”
Effect: not always a noun, despite what your grade school teachers told you.
English needs a word that means “correction revealing that the corrector is both a pedant and underinformed.”
I feel like we should be able to borrow one from German.
Hypercorrection?
What. WHAT. Bad author, very bad!
Getting to use effect as a verb (or affect as a noun) is one of the greater pleasures of writing for this humble government cog who is only ever writing descriptions of models and analysis.
Wow, I read this wrong, and your comment incorrectly, and almost left Earth’s orbit entirely. It IS correct, but they flagged it as a mistake. Right?
Yes! We have “effect = noun” and “affect = verb” drilled into us from such a young age that it would be a reasonable and forgivable mistake to write “affect” instead of “effect”, but incorrectly correcting it is … annoying.
Effect: not always a noun, despite what your grade school teachers told you.
So cold. So glorious.
I just want to be clear that I wouldn’t say anything at all if the author had just mixed up the words. It’s the snide and inaccurate [sic] that I object to.
I only have very mild prescriptivist feelings about standard diction/ grammar and will never correct someone who doesn’t ask (or isn’t asking for it), but I will fight you if you go OUT OF YOUR WAY to correct something incorrectly.
Agreed, friend. Agreed.
Yes! I direct all of my grammar-correcting impulses toward those who correct the grammar of others incorrectly. At which point I feel justified in letting loose completely.
And affect isn’t always a verb! Thank you, my fellow (recovering?) pedant, because I think this is one of the last pieces of grammar nitpicking that I still hold strong to. Years of linguistics and learning to be a descriptivist JUST CAN’T HOLD IT ALL BACK.
Ach, I wanted to say this but I’ve given you a thumbs up instead. 🙂
That article on women’s clothing in stand up is great. I am sure men put some thought into what image their clothing portrays, but it certainly is more complicated for women.
I saw Amy Schumer a few months ago and she hit the stage in a loose, holey t-shirt, leather (pleather?) pants, giant Uggs, and with her hair pulled into the kind of unbrushed bun you get when you don’t pull your hair all the way through the elastic. I loved it so much. Also, the degree to which her female body humor made the random dude next to me uncomfortable added a whole new layer of delight.
I loved it too!
I imagine many people (men.) would pass that article off as women being silly, nobody cares about clothes; but it is a really big deal, and not just because we want to look good. The outfits you wear projects an image about you, and women are very aware of that!
I’ve noticed recently less women stand ups wearing big heels/stilettos and I really like that; there is stupid pressure on women too wear heels and its ridiculous. Wear comfortable shoes ladies, they’re glorious!
Yes! I love seeing comedians stomping around instead of teetering on tall, skinny heels.
Jen Kirkman has talked quite a bit about her clothing and the thought that goes into it on her podcast (which in general is just a delightful mix of honest talk about her life/relationships/mental health, funny stories, feminism, working in comedy, and ranting). She is also personally interested in fashion aside from the thorny issue of what to wear on stage, so her perspective is really interesting (she specifically chose her top for the special for its androgynous/Bowie-esque bare chest w/no cleavage, if I remember correctly). She loves to dress up, but last time I saw her do standup she had just bought new velvet bell bottoms from H&M and *had* to wear them, so came out in a tshirt, the pants, and sneakers, no makeup from what I could tell, and it was great.
I love Jen Kirkman so much! Longtime I Seem Funner here <3
Ahoy fellow ISFer! <3
Oh, the straight-cut Blazer of the late eighties and early nineties. How I do NOT miss it so. It was EVERYWHERE.
I revisited “My So-Called Life” recently and one of the things I noted was that the women’s clothing was all pretty… asexual. For grunge, that goes without saying, but even mom’s wardrobe, while attractive, hid any curves and God forbid you see any cleavage. High necklines and Peter Pan collars, of all things. It’s just so odd by today’s standards.
Relieved that scoop necklines have become OK just about everywhere. I look better in more form-fitting clothing no matter what weight I am.
“I look better in more form-fitting clothing no matter what weight I am.”
We all do.
The high-waisted jeans with a relaxed fit! And we wore t-shirts with no shape and then tucked them in!
When fitted t-shirts came into fashion they were called babydoll shirts at first because we could only imagine a shirt that tight if it was genuinely much too small for us. And now that cut is normal!
Just discovered the demure sex ed video // ASMR connection.
Also, I wish this lady was around during my childhood to reassure me that a man will not accidentally pee (“pass water”) into me as that was concern #1.
Fresh off the heels of yesterday’s quirky Vows column, I share with you all this Vogue Wedding write-up in which the wedding is described as “this Burning Man meets chic Hamptons garden soiree with Hawaiian bonfire and bluegrass music lovefest.”
Oh my God, I saw that yesterday and every line was a new cringe. Performance art! Butterfly headdresses! SILENT DISCO! If you’re wedding involves a disco that is for some god awful reason silent, please don’t bother to invite me.
The groom reflected: “They say that there are three things you should do every day to live a full life: laugh, think, and have your emotions move you to tears, happiness, or joy. I’m pretty confident that everyone in attendance accomplished all three at one point or another tonight.”
They did laugh, Ace, I’ll guarantee you that.
Hell, I’m laughing *now*.
Upon arrival, guests were greeted with sound art, presented as a cacophony of small tinkling bells interspersed with more resonant gong sounds in reflection of the Zen ambiance of the 16-acre reserve
RUN GUESTS, RUN
I sent the link to my fiancee yesterday with the comment ‘nobody can judge us for any wedding choices we make, because our wedding will never be as terrible as this one.’
Freeing, isn’t it?
“They received proposals from several event and floral specialists in New York, but ultimately fell hard for the avant-garde approach and novelty of multidisciplinary artists Shige Moriya and Ximena Garnica of Brooklyn-based studio Leimay. “
Yay for hardworking artists getting paid! I am in favor of avant-gardists separating fools from their money at every possible opportunity.
I am part of a wedding this summer that rings quite closely to this one (multiple days, deliberately off-kilter wedding activities, etc) and I can’t help it but I feel all anxious about it already. Like, people do not need or want four days to celebrate your love.
Sounds desperate.
I particularly liked Linda Holmes’s take on the proper way to read this piece.
https://twitter.com/nprmonkeysee/status/686959895…
A commenter on the article mentions that it might actually be tongue-in-cheek from the author’s perspective (if not the couple’s). I am 100% subscribing to that reading. If so, she is shading them so subtly and beautifully.
“Why butterflies, everyone asked? Lauren explained that she and Bobby had been moved by a Radiolab podcast about the transformation of the butterfly in chrysalis, which resonated with them in terms of the transformation that marriage would bring to their relationship.”
sweet jesus
He needed a podcast to consider the tritest butterfly metaphor? Was he four at the time?
Sorry, THEY. Literally twice as infantile.
this Burning Man meets chic Hamptons garden soiree with Hawaiian bonfire and bluegrass music lovefest
*throws up in mouth*
can we please stop letting people who have not been to burning man use it as a comparison point for other things?
They have been to Burning Man! well, maybe the friend hasn’t, but their save-the-dates featured a picture of the couple at Burning Man, so …. ? idk
i humbly apologize on behalf of all not-terrible burners for this monstrosity of a wedding *hangs head in dusty shame*
I love the commenter who said it reminds them of Stefon from SNL. “This wedding has EVERYTHING!”
hee hee I wrote this before I read Linda Holmes’s tweet. I love Linda Holmes, too.
“Bad food paired with Lauren and I don’t match.”
Not sure why, but I heard this in Cookie Monster’s voice and was soothed from an otherwise infuriating reading experience.
DID YOU SEE THOUGH http://www.vogue.com/slideshow/13383602/lauren-sc…
I do hope these poor women will never speak to the bride again, because I would be HORRIFIED. Not that anyone I know would request I wear such a thing, praise be.
my favorite part is she makes them wear the headdresses and then stand in a pool while wearing white dresses
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I mean, How right you are. Is this supposed to symbolize three trimesters and a water birth?
I do hope these “performance artists” were well compensated for their time, and not just friends or blood relatives because WOW.
I actually really love those headdresses…. For wearing at home by myself when I want to appreciate my fabulosity and beauty.
Oh my. Looks like the woman in the middle is the cute, compliant little sister, while the two outriders are thinking about cutting someone (*grab the cake knife, make a beeline for the bride and groom*)
Indeed. And the thought of doing it all with a bluegrass soundtrack – isn’t that like wearing plaid with stripes? Even at a silent disco? I am never getting over this.
Why is it that whenever I read someone was an art history major, it’s always a woman who comes from the 1% and is marrying someone else from the 1%?
“Smile BIG!” is the “Bong Water” of advice
OT query for tall lady toasties: Where in god’s name do you buy pants?? I’m not talking about the super thin, synthetic dress pants that you can find in store at The Limited or online just about everywhere. I mean business casual pants like chinos and cords. I’m resigned to having to look online because heaven forbid a brick-and-mortar store stocks tall sizes, but I’m not having much luck there either. I’m seriously running out of pant options and I have several more months of winter to get through, so any suggestions would be awesome!
I don’t TBH. I just wear leggings and the occasional pair of tall jeans. And even then, if I mistakenly get regular length leggings they ride right up my calf.
My problem is that most ‘tall’ pants only come in super-model skinny sizes. Honestly, who are they making these clothes for? It is possible to be tall and fat and I am both but I require trousers because walking around naked from the waist down is ‘bad taste’ apparently.
Have you tried plus size stores? I don’t wear tall pants, but I’m pretty sure the plus size stores I shop at carry them, at least in some styles.
I’ve had a look in a few; I’ve found that the UK doesn’t have many plus size stores and what they do have is fugly as hell. I’ve put on weight in the last year, I was always at the upper end of the sizes in most standard shops, and now I’m just a touch too big, but I’m usually a touch too small for plus size stores.
I’m a 16-18 in UK sizes depending on the store, bloatage and star alignment; most shops run up to a 16, if you’r lucky, they seem to think an ‘average’ woman is a size 8-10 (actual average size in the uk is 12-14) and most plus size shops go from an 18 up; but there’s a huge discrepancy in sizes, so a 16 in a regular shop is too small, but an 18 from a plus size brand is too baggy. And that’s just High Street brands, if I go in to a high end place the cuts are so much better that I’m a 14 at times, or if I go into Gap apparently I’m obese and no clothes are manufactured for a beast my size (seriously Gap and Tommy Hilfiger literally only stock jeans up to about a size 10, 28 inches, WHO ARE YOU MAKING CLOTHES FOR? children probably.)
I’m gonna have a look at this Long Tall Sally mentioned below, its UK based and I’m hopeful I’ll find something!
That sucks. The plus size stores in Canada have gotten much less terrible the last few years, which I think is a result of them jumping on a US trend for non-terrible plus size clothes, so here’s hoping the trend will reach you before too much longer.
Do you have Old Navy? Their sizes don’t go up very high in size numbers, but they have ridiculous vanity sizing, so the top end of their regular sizes is bigger than you’d expect. I know they have long jeans, though I’m not sure about other pants. The quality is not great, but the prices are mostly reasonable for what you get.
Yes, LTS may also help with your inbetween sizes, as it helps with mine! They appear to understand that tall women don’t really come in sizes below 8-10 (US) and that a lot of us are more around the 14-18 range. It also means I have to get to the pop-up store early on its first day if I want those sizes to still be there (especially in whatever dresses I’m chasing that season).
I don’t know from tall because I’m Not Tall, but I’ve had good luck with Madewell for pants. They seem to be like, pants and stuff. Maybe its mom J. Crew for work pants? When I had an office job I got stuff there when I felt like it needed to last longer than H&M.
I used to have good luck with Maurices pants, back when I wore pants instead of leggings. haven’t been there in a while to confirm though.
Lands End used to be my go-to. Like the Eloquoi ‘Kady’ pant, and I think Kohl’s has a good selection. If you worry about online shipping and stuff, Zappos cannot be beat for service, speed, and return policy.
LL Bean and Lands End have tall sizes, I believe. Should also be good quality. Also I’ve seen Asos has some tall stuff but maybe not the quality you’re looking for.
lands end quality TERRIBLE now that they are owned by sears, don’t do it
So that’s why the pants I bought there a few years ago are made of fabric 5x thicker than the ones they have now.
Many of the dress chinos at Land’s End allow you to order your choice of inseam length. Land’s End clothing can look bland, but the quality of fabric and construction is very high. And their return policy is excellent. They’ll make it right, no matter how long you had the item before you had to complain about it.
Not really what you asked for, but I wanted to put in a plug for J Brand jeans, as they are the only jeans in the universe that actually do their goddamn job and keep my ass covered.
(I am 5’11” and quite long-waisted, and J Brands seem designed just for the long-waisted among us. Of course, they are $$$$, so I always buy mine used at Crossroads.)
I’m 5’10” and have been wearing Joe’s Jeans pretty faithfully for a few years. The straight leg styles are long enough, and the skinny jeans work well as an ankle length for me. I also avoid paying full price for them by going to Nordstrom Rack (they also have racks of J Brand!) and second hand places.
I mean I currently also only wear leggings and/or skirts/dresses, tbh. But when I used to wear dress pants, I would get them from Lane Bryant, because they had them in plus sizes of course, but also in Tall, which was great. It depends on if you need plus size or not, though, I don’t know where to get non-plus size ones!
From the 6’5″ lady toastie:
Gap – has an online “tall” store, that includes “Extra Long” inseams. This works for basic black t-shirts and jeans. Of course, everything comes between “low-ish rise” and “very low rise”.
Long Tall Sally – Has increasingly become my go-to for every single thing, although I have also been moving away from pants as I get older. But I bought some leggings from them that were a life-changing thing – too big! They reach my ankles *by themselves*, so I could actually buy the size that was the correct leg circumference for me!
In any cast, LTS is UK-based. They’ve been slowly opening up brick-and-mortar stores in the US, and they do pop-up shops in my city twice a year or so. Owning things like outerwear that can handle my arm length *and* be in a women’s cut has been so, so worth it.
ooh, god call on long tall sally! I’ve bought shoes from barefoot tess before, which I think is their sister brand, so I’ve been tempted to try some clothes off LTS, and maybe now I will.
Barefoot Tess makes me so happy because I wear a size 12(us) shoe, and if a store carries anything in that size at all, it is absolutely the upper end of the sizes they carry, but at barefoot tess, I’m smack in the middle of the size range. 🙂
also, I think Gap can be okay for business casual too.
I like the “true straight” pant, which is basically just black, cotton pants, and the boot-cut corduroys, both of which come in extra long. just as a warning though, it’s not like a brand would be consistent with sizing across all its products. the true-straight x-long inseam is 34″ and the bootcut x-long inseam is 37″ because they like to confuse people, I guess.
AH, thank you! Turns out they JUST opened up a store in Chicago* HOORAY!!
*well the burbs, but I have a car now so I can get there
Oh I see you have a car. Never mind then. But that announcement they made saying Chicago made me so excited then so sad.
I live in the city an I’ll give you a ride, seriously! We tall toasties have to help each other out. Seriously, hit me up if you want to coordinate something, because I’m totally going there soon: distantdevries @ yahoo.
Long tall sally is the best. But their chicago shop is actually in the suburbs, which is a sadness. Regardless, basically all my clothes are from there
I mostly just have cold ankles at all times, so I am also interested in the replies to this. *covers face in shame*
*but not ankles cuz my pants are too short*
I have constant cold wrists because in addition to having freakishly long arms (according to high street fashion designers anyway) most retailers refuse to stock clothes with full length sleeves for women (cutting corners saves fabric and money yadda yadda), everything is 3/4 length or short sleeve.
Before I found out that tattoos are cool in my line of work this was a huge problem for me!
I’ve had decent luck at Ann Taylor Loft but I’m medium height (5’7″). I believe they carry tall lengths.
I really like loft for chinos and cords. However, I’m average height so ymmv. Not sure how good they are about stocking the tall in stores, but if the other dimensions are similar perhaps you could try the regulars in-store and order the talls? Just never buy anything full price, they have sales constantly.
How tall?
I’m 5’8″. I wear jeans most days because I work in a super-casual office, but I have had good luck with Dickie’s for jeans and also khakis and other business casual things (and shorts).
Also, eshakti does pants now, which you can get custom-made.
asos has a tall line that is very stylish and decent quality! i don’t know about their business casual, but everything else i’ve bought from them has lasted years. which is actually ridiculous, because i’m a bartender and most of my jeans bust at the knees within six months! ALSO, american apparel, i’ve found most of their clothing to be acceptable lengths for 5′ 11″ me.
Thank you all for the great suggestions! It looks like maybe I should’ve started out with the question “do women wear pants anymore?” I didn’t realize so many people had switched over to leggings! As a midwesterner though, I have to ask: Aren’t they cold?
I’m 5’10” and I wear pants and leggings, nearly all from Eddie Bauer. They have tall sizes, although their tall inseams are mostly too long for my taste.
I just got a pair of tall flannel-lined chinos from Eddie Bauer, which were a godsend when it was below zero on Monday. They’re relaxed fit so they’re not super flattering, but I don’t care they’re nice and warm!
Late to this, but if you’re checking back: NYDJ (formerly Not Your Daughter’s Jeans). Not cheap, but super-long, and sometimes on sale at Nordstrom and Amazon.
Uniqlo? Most of their stuff is pretty casual but they do have chinos and cords. They size all pants like men’s pants (27×33 or whatever), so you have several options of inseam length. And for the non-tall, they also hem pants for free!
Old Navy has the inseam on their “regular” pants between 31 and 32″, but they tend to be very low rise. (Even when the cloth is chino or corduroy or the some cloth with the texture of dressy trousers.) Most of their styles come in “tall,” and some come in “extra tall,” which has inseam more than 35″.
Depending on your body shape and how you like your pants to fit, it might be worthwhile for you to buy men’s pants and have a tailor take in the waistband. Men’s clothes tend to be made of sturdier cloth, and they often have the inseam marked right on the label. They have pockets, too.
I have to leave in exactly 1 minute for an offsite meeting, but I’m lingering at my desk because I want to shirk all of my responsibilities and live in the #ham4sotu tag all day. The pic of Kim Davis with “…and Peggy” after it was particularly hilarious.
How lucky we are, indeed.
That “helpful” email is a thing of wonder. And by wonder I mean I wanted to vomit by the time I got to “smile big”.
It’s really helping, though, to interpret “pizzaz” not as a misspelling of pizzazz, but as the plural of pizza. THE PIZZAS ARE IN OUR AMAZING PERSONALITIES!!!
There is only one true Pizzazz:
My one and only niece is absolute perfection and I highly recommend at least loving one, preferably two, three would be delightful. The more the merrier, really.
And on an unrelated note: holy socks, that Etsy article! I read it last night (man, I’m loving This) and it got me thinking…I read Tarot cards for friends and family and always entertained doing it as a very small side gig but reading cards is, for me, a real energy drain and taking money from strangers for such an empheral and intimate service seems kinda unjust. Any Toasties out there who are, or have been, professional psychics and care to share their experiences?
I have done some reading and exorcism work in the past but only on a referral basis (“hey I’m having Weird Shit in my house and my cousin told me you helped her fix Weird Shit in her house and maybe you could come take a looksee,” etc). I have never hung out a shingle full-time though I’ve read at psychic fairs once or twice.
I agree that it is draining but it is BECAUSE it is draining work that I feel it is worth money. You are performing emotional labor for the client. It’s not just look-at-the-cards-and-tell-what-you-see, at least not for me. There are a million little calculations happening in my head–is this a person who I need to be gentle with or one that needs Cold Hard Truth? How can I phrase this in a way that is kind (which won’t be the same thing as gentle)? What is this client Really Asking For, because so often that is something profoundly different than the question they asked out loud? Am I equipped to give them what they are really looking for, or should I refer them elsewhere?
When you are paid for this service, you are paid for the emotional labor, but also for the listening, in sort of a similar way to a therapist. A person who comes for a reading doesn’t just want answers; frequently they’re after validation from a third-party who doesn’t have as much emotional investment in the situation.
Other tips: have a separate deck for your work/paid/stranger readings. It’s totally valid to buy a second copy of the deck you use normally and just keep it in a different bag so you can tell them apart, if you prefer the set of symbols you’re used to. I tend to use a very different deck for public readings than I do my personal stuff because I respond well to wacky/sarcastic decks.
Ly de Angeles has a good book on Tarot (I don’t get her Kabbalah-based theories, but I feel she’s spot-on when she talks about Tarot ethics). I also really recommend Gordon White’s blog Rune Soup for talking about how to get the most out of your divination practices.
Ooh, good point regarding emotional labour! (Now, upon reflection, using the word “unjust” is totes wrong and you have me realizing that a person’s time and effort has value, regardless of profession, paid or not, and it’s my own low opinion of myself that keeps me in a “worthless” position). Man, these early morning LR are INTENSE.
Your effort has value! You invested money (decks–let’s be real who has just one, sometimes it takes a few decks to find the one that gels for you, books, etc) and time (research, practice) in developing this skill. There are cases when you have reasons not to charge in existing mutual exchanges of emotional labor with your friends. But it is completely legitimate to charge when you read for strangers.
I love you Toasties!!!!
Coming back to give you this link to a useful template for professional reader policies! http://thegodthief.tumblr.com/post/133481110341/r…
Thanks!
Star Wars TFA is FINALLY coming to my town’s one (single-screen, non-first-run-argh) theatre this weekend, so I can finally stop skimming over TFA-related comments and tweets and will get to read the Movie Yelling post and why yes, I AM EXCITED.
Enjoy! I saw it this past weekend and am very glad I went.
Omg! I did not know there was any theater in America where it wasn’t showing yet! So much sympathy for your long wait and struggle.
For those of you who, like me, are just not tired yet of piling on the hate for Actual Supervillain Martin Shkreli (asshole pharma-bro), I will leave this here. It is not really about Shkreli at all but more focused on how fucked up Big Pharma is and how activist investors and Wall Street are ruining it… well, making it even worse.
http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2016/01/vale…
The eyewitness article is so INFURIATING and sad and fucked up and I’m just…I have a lot of friends who work in the justice system, and for the most part, they are good people trying to scrape a little good out of a fucked up environment, but shit like that makes me want to burn it all down. We have known since the 1800s that eyewitness testimony is worse than useless and we still use it, and we haven’t even done the bare minimums needed to make it slightly less useless. And this is fucking killing people (Cole, in a roundabout way, but also I’m sure many others in death penalty states in an actual, concrete sense). It’s fucked and awful.
People who spend $750 each for dinner: My heart just bleeds for you.
That Eyewitness Problem piece was “the world is fucked up” piece that I needed to read today! The world is fucked up, mistakes are made, people die unjustly, awful things happen but: people are kind to each other! People regret and make human mistakes and do what they can to fix a horrible situation! CHANGE OCCURS! And tears filled my eyeballs like, several times, including sentences which involved RICK PERRY, which has never before happened.
Can’t wait until tomorrow to say yay, I’m moving Tuesday! Thanks to everyone who offered suggestions re: movers. The guy I’m going with seems stable and non-serial killery. I, on the other hand, am completely emotionally unstrung.
This is the best news! May your movers be efficient, your landlord transparent, responsive and reasonable, and your plumbing continuously functional. May this place be the home you want as well as the home you need.
I appreciate all these comments so much, but I want yours on a tin sign to hang above my front door. That’s a prayer & blessing if I ever saw one. And oh my dog yes, please be right about the plumbing.
When you’re settled, if you’re willing to share an address or PO box with an internet stranger, let me know at my gmail address (publiclycomplex) and I’ll get that sign made and send it to you.
Just in case it makes you feel better: emotional unstringing happens to me, every move, and I’m as experienced as they come. That is, it cannot be avoided. It’s not a personal failure. If moving-related emotional malaise could be diminished with practice, I’d have achieved that long before now.
But it will pass. Breathe. Feel the ToastForce within you. You are strong in The Toast.
Yes this is the best news.
Expect the unstrung-ness to last a bit after you move into the new place. It settles down after a while. I recently moved into a beautiful loft apartment in a nice town and for the first week or so was actually homesick for my beat-up old cottage on a sketchy street. Suffice it to say I no longer feel that way.
When the boyfriend and I first moved into a brand-new apartment with nice appliances, we felt weirdly out of place there, like we didn’t deserve it.
We’ve since moved back to a much cheaper and run-down place and realizing how much we had adapted to Nice. This place is not Nice.
Place I’m moving can’t be considered Nice compared to the room I’m in now in a house with central heating, a 40″ TV and a yard–it’s under 300 square feet & has me and a bunch of file boxes, but it’s all mine and near things to do. After two years of nothing I’m already writing things on the calendar to consider going out to again, so less nice will hopefully be kinder to me in the long run.
Coming here real quick to drop my favorite line from the TNC piece:
“‘It could be me’ is a fine starting place for confronting the evils of the world, but a really poor conclusion. If no broader theory of sympathy and humanism emerges beyond one’s mean particularism, then all we really are left with are tribalism and power.”
I’m just so glad someone with the skill to write the way he does exists in our world. He awes me on the regular.
Headlines I never thought I’d see: Breaking Bad writer to create new version of Anne of Green Gables
We are in for a much grittier Anne, I expect. A whole new level of dirtbag Anne.
I’m very pessimistic about this since the article I read said it would incorporate original stories and I am having flashbacks to that horrible sequel that the original cast did set in WWI.
WE DO NOT SPEAK OF “THE CONTINUING STORY”! NOR “A NEW BEGINNING”! Those “sequels” are to A of GG fans what Episodes 1-3 are the Star Wars fans.
i haven’t read the article yet but i sincerely hope this is, like, a passion project for her. that the entire time she was writing for breaking bad she would sit back in her armchair and steeple her fingers, mr burns style, and whisper, “…soon. soon.”
One of the co-prods played Josie Pye in the miniseries (Miranda de Pencier). A CONNECTION.
Totally flabbergasted at the number of people who read Nikki’s article and think “This is clearly a request for advice from me, a white person.”
i think to some people almost everything is “a request for advice from me, a white person”? see also the innumerable “requests for advice from me, A Man.”
My Catholic school didn’t have sex ed, we had “New Creation,” which was a series of workbooks that I can’t find on Google, so maybe they no longer exist. Anyway, it was like 12 chapters about friendship and respecting your elders, with one very rushed and clinical chapter full of diagrams and medical terms thrown into the middle. I don’t think I was ever confused about the nuts and bolts of sex, but I was a little mystified about the context.
A+ username, that is all.
I have 5 nieces – or 4, depending on the state of my bro’s relationship – and partner has 2, and they run the gamut from 8 to 29, and I’m not gonna lie: seeing the partner with his nieces (and nephews, the 4 nephews he has are also good) when they were tots was a strong indicator in his favor.
Nieces are the BEST. Especially that one. She knows who she is.
I envy “that one”. OMG, what I would give for an Aunt Dakimel.
How are you feeling today?
Alive! Ish! I’ve only used about a dozen tissues this morning, which is a vast improvement.
(Not that I’ve been awake so very long. But still.)
I have 2 nieces, inherited from Mr. Chemicaldefect, and they are the BEST. The older one is well on her way to becoming a Force of Nature (like her mom and aunt(s)) and the younger one is a baby feminist (she is six) already beginning to question the patriarchy.
Apropos of nothing, did anyone see that Alanis Morrissette is going to be an advice columnist in the Guardian?
http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2016/jan/…
This just seems so Appropriate and Delightful.
(Nobody make Ironic jokes!!)
Every week, nothing but Ironic jokes.
She must be replacing their previous “Ask Molly Ringwald” column! A generational baton has been passed.
She is.
Thought 1: Damn, when I win powerball maybe I’ll go to a place that charges $750 for dinner!
Thought 2: Why the fuck would I do that?
Also re: nieces- The one thing I want more than anything in the world (more than to even win the powerball) is to be the Cool Aunt to some wonderful youths. Alas, long term partner only has younger siblings who aren’t quite at the kid having stages and my best friend is childfree. It looks like I will be niece-less for a long time and it breaks my heart. Is there a rent-a-niece program out there?
I am in a similar position — I actually have one niece via my husband, but am unlikely ever to have much of a relationship with her because of various proximity/family drama/etc. issues, and her parent is the only sibling either of us has. Maybe we should become Girl Scout leaders? Teach Sunday school? Find a youth mentoring program to join?
(I will be spending my Powerball winnings getting frivolous degrees in subjects I have no intention of pursuing as a career, because I love being a student.)
I’ve been renting my cousin’s children. They call me Aunt Rose. (“Why are you Aunt Rose when you’re not our aunt?” “Because all children call me Miss Rose or Aunt Rose. Which do you think is reserved for family?”)
Continuing Bowie-related joy and remembrance. Paul F Tompkins, Puddles, Maria Bamford, Kristen Schaal & Eban Schletter (he is only…the best) covering Space Oddity.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DnLnW3cJRUQ
Still going to be processing this one for a while. Goddamn it all, Bowie.
Oh, and just an FYI that I discovered yesterday night by accident:
STAR WARS MOVIE YELLING COMMENTS ARE BACK FROM THE INTENSEDEBATE ETHER!!!!
OH THANK GOD, comments are returning! I heard they were gone from the deleted-comments post from Nicole’s post about books all white men own, and I was too sad to go look, because the comments are regularly one of the best parts of The Toast.
That is a delightful and appropriately weird cover, thank you for sharing.
Need more info on the SJW Halloween costume!!
I don’t think I can watch a sex-ed video at work, but I ALWAYS want to tell people about the sex-ed video I had to watch in high school, which was all built around the motif of a traveling carnival–it looks really shiny and fun and full of exciting rides and yummy snacks and cool prizes, but REALLY the rides are rusting to pieces and operated by stoned teenagers, the food prep is disgustingly unsanitary, and the games are all rigged against you, complete with accompanying footage shot with shaky handhelds and leering, grinning carnies looking directly into the camera. I’m still not even sure if it was just ridiculous or STEALTH BRILLIANT, but at least they committed to a theme!
I’ve thought about getting a horoscope chart done for most of my “5” birthdays, and one comes up this summer, just out of curiosity–I like tarot cards, but mostly in the sense of prompting the subconscious. But I’m seriously tempted to get some Etsy readings for the price of a couple lattes.
eta: I clearly have a) not been reading the NY Times food section for awhile and b) through a long rambling chain stumbling into bandom fanfic full of people I generally have no idea who they are because I am not hip to the musics, so my brain slipped in “Pete Wentz” for “Pete Wells,” which I have to admit was temporarily DELIGHTFUL.
I’m intrigued by the art I assume goes into coming up with a $750/head prix fixe menu, but I will never eat one. Not because I can’t imagine spending $750 on a meal – I picture it as sort of like an evening at the opera, in a world where there is no such thing as standing room or nosebleed seats. I just can’t cede that much control over what I eat. What if the chef decides the whole meal is going to be eggs and escargot and tofu and other stuff that makes me gag, and I’ve just spent $750 and can’t eat anything and everyone’s snotty about it?
My best friend worked at Per Se! They are…not great to their staff. Turns out all that money you’re paying for an expensive meal does not trickle down to the people actually preparing the food.
You have a typo in the caption. It should be ““All these toys are belong to me.”
I emailed my dad an article about air plant care (I gave him one for Christmas last year, and he’s having trouble keeping it healthy). His response: “thanks, I’ll read it forthwith. Or shortly thereafter. Love you, Dad.”
I figured this was something The Toast needed to know about.
yo this site is making my Flash player crash again…pretty sure I saw Nicole post about trying out new ad stuff, just a heads up there’s some Issues today.
Yeah I was getting redirected to the App Store again when reading on my phone.
That Irish sex ed video could have been so much worse, though?? I mean, she does describe the actual act of PIV sex, and that it’s meant to feel good. So at least there’s that.
put finger to keyboard
This guy is either not typing properly or this is meant to evoke something grody and sex related.
That sex ed video keeps veering from “strangely comforting” to “jarring and disturbing”. (She sounds so nice and matter-of-fact! But the constant God mentions and the “he gives her the sperm” stuff, and also I’m not entirely sure that penises are full of sperm during sex.)
Only tribalism and power can explain the theory put forth by Cosby’s defenders—that some 40 women have joined together in a wide-ranging conspiracy to bring a powerful black man down.
I saw someone I was at university with supporting this very view on Facebook, depressingly.
I lurve MOL, and her skewering of Mayfair wankpits. And I love her lyrical rhapsodies over the places she likes (although her tastes are definitely meat-heavier than mine).
And they're fair. She reviewed Gaby's Deli in London a few weeks back, which will fulfill all your salt beef needs for a few pounds. 3 stars, and fond, appreciative writing, without arse-kissing just because of its history.
Yes, I strangely enjoy writing "effect change" (naturally when appropriate). Conversely, I want to nuke "impact" as-a-verb everywhere I encounter it. Which would be great – no more corporate-speak bullshit to read.
Gah. As someone who has to be brief but coherent on *shudder* powerpoint slides, impact-as-verb really does fill a particular linguistic need.
So, I think we should form an alliance to burn down .ppt as the hot embers on which to roast impact-as-a-verb