I Am Visiting Nicole Today And By The End of The Weekend Sansa Will Be Mine -The Toast

I Am Visiting Nicole Today And By The End of The Weekend Sansa Will Be Mine

ByJaya Saxena

on February 18, 2016 in Animals

The key is Sansa has to willingly want to leave. I can pack as many dog-proof suitcases as I want and bribe TSA security by saying I’m just bringing back a human-sized stuffed animal for my niece, but if Sansa doesn’t want to return with me to New York as my new best friend and main mode of transportation, it won’t work.

First, I endear myself to her. I will cloak myself in the scent of the airplane so that, upon my entrance, her little ears perk up and she thinks to herself “what is that enchanting, foreign smell?” It is me, dear Sansa. There may also be some errant cat hairs on my person, signaling her to the promise of other fuzzy friends if she returns with me at the end of the long weekend.

Nicole’s house is certainly larger than mine, and filed with more people who have already expressed their undying love for this dog queen. I will not let this deter me. My apartment is small but it has much to offer. There are at least two other dogs in my building, and a park at the end of my block where many other dogs gather and socialize. There is also an elevator, which I bet she will be very excited to ride. Our home is cozy but it will be a good home for her, if she will have me, which she absolutely will.

Many would stoop to cheap tricks, like hiding bacon one’s pockets, but I have too much respect for Sansa to believe she would fall for such foolery. No, I will meet Sansa as an equal. We share a love of showers and cheese. We both have squishy, soft faces and toe hair. Yes, I believe we will get along grandly, and by the end of my four days in Utah, she will see the beautiful life I can provide for her. Nicole will say “I understand”, pack us a bag of LaCroix and cheese curd, and fiercely hug us goodbye as we ride off together through the mountains. Life will be good.

Jaya Saxena is a Staff Writer at The Toast.

Comments (32)

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+66 Vote up Vote down

todddillard 137p · 475 weeks ago

I can show you the world...

6 replies · active 475 weeks ago

+39 Vote up Vote down

anniekate76 107p · 475 weeks ago

shining, shimmering... spendiiiiiid

+37 Vote up Vote down

todddillard 137p · 475 weeks ago

tell me princess now when did
you last let your heart decide?

+256 Vote up Vote down

Vera_Knoop 110p · 475 weeks ago

In my household, we sing this to the cat while slooowly dragging the bath mat on which he lounges across the floor.

+21 Vote up Vote down

Jade · 475 weeks ago

This sums up the essence of my household.

+22 Vote up Vote down

todddillard 137p · 475 weeks ago

this is the best thing i've read today

...

sorry Jaya

+12 Vote up Vote down

exitpursuedbyaclaire 115p · 475 weeks ago

Your household is living life right.

+171 Vote up Vote down

LadyPoopjokes 123p · 475 weeks ago

It is important to me that the "sansa content" tag continue to accrue entries. Maybe even just daily lists of all the things she spends her time doing? Or pictures of her nose, uncaptioned and out of context? Just spitballing here.

+62 Vote up Vote down

middlemarch 137p · 475 weeks ago

Glad to know I'm not the only one who regularly concocts fantasies of luring cute dogs over state lines.

+34 Vote up Vote down

sarahgundle 127p · 475 weeks ago

I believe in you, Jaya.

+387 Vote up Vote down

Carol · 475 weeks ago

Nicole, do keep an eye on Jaya. She may try to fulfill her nefarious plan. I really want to see Sansa next Monday when I arrive.
Mom

1 reply · active 475 weeks ago

+173 Vote up Vote down

NicoleCliffe 145p · 475 weeks ago

HI MOM

+168 Vote up Vote down

tabbylavalamp 149p · 475 weeks ago

You can provide a woof over her head.

2 replies · active 475 weeks ago

+129 Vote up Vote down

tabbylavalamp 149p · 475 weeks ago

I should take a moment to paws and reflect on what I've done.

+65 Vote up Vote down

Rillquiet 118p · 475 weeks ago

She's already got that AND a barkalounger; you'll need to up your bid.

+73 Vote up Vote down

thedaela 124p · 475 weeks ago

We share a love of showers and cheese. We both have squishy, soft faces and toe hair.

Does this mean I can come along too?

1 reply · active 475 weeks ago

+20 Vote up Vote down

Heathered 118p · 475 weeks ago

Yeah, I'm not so much in the fanfic or Hamilton Toast branches, but very pro-showers-and-cheese.

+12 Vote up Vote down

crescentlesl · 475 weeks ago

How about that weather right now, eh? You people keep visiting Utah during interesting days.

+25 Vote up Vote down

ann_surely 119p · 475 weeks ago

I was reading this in Smoove B's voice.

Damn.

1 reply · active 475 weeks ago

+14 Vote up Vote down

Jade · 475 weeks ago

There will also be corn.

+20 Vote up Vote down

mkpatter 114p · 475 weeks ago

Oh yeah if you just constantly eat cheese and share some with her, she will be BFFs FOR LIFE.

+24 Vote up Vote down

littlehuntingcreek 135p · 475 weeks ago

I am not above winning a dog's love through use of bacon and other treats, if that's what it takes

4 replies · active 475 weeks ago

+10 Vote up Vote down

Xolandra 116p · 475 weeks ago

I know someone who feels the same way about foxes ^_^

+4 Vote up Vote down

Unreadaethel 127p · 475 weeks ago

My roommate keeps trying to win my cat's love through the use of treats. I've actually had to ban him from doing this, because she's fat enough as it is. It'll never work, anyway. After 3 years, she's progressed from "open fear and antipathy" to "slow-blinking disinterest."

+7 Vote up Vote down

FeuerroteZora 98p · 475 weeks ago

By my count, then, that's only three, maybe four years away from "distrustful tail-swishing while allowing minimal contact." Don't crush your roommate's dream!

+5 Vote up Vote down

Unreadaethel 127p · 475 weeks ago

If I'm out of town and he's the one feeding her, she'll sometimes come and sit on the couch next to him out of sheer desperation. He tells me she even let him pet her once (I was at a trade show for an entire week).

+39 Vote up Vote down

mabissam 121p · 475 weeks ago

This is just to say that I have never seen in print or online the name of Dear Editor Nicole's cat. Just "that garbage cat" on twitter, I think. Or maybe "this bitch"? I can't remember. I'll look it up later.

Anyway, Nicole, just to give you a heads-up that I'll totally take your cat with me if I ever visit you and I already gave her some presents because I will stoop to that level - you have to with cats. It's Cat Law.

1 reply · active 475 weeks ago

+45 Vote up Vote down

NicoleCliffe 145p · 475 weeks ago

Her name is Rory! [Bitch cat]

+18 Vote up Vote down

chickpeas · 475 weeks ago

Counterpoint: take the doggy and run for the border.

+29 Vote up Vote down

annabel 97p · 475 weeks ago

We must at least get a montage of the two of you falling in love before she breaks your heart when she makes you realize that you must return to your big city life while she stays in Utah to look after the children.

+1 Vote up Vote down

Chase · 475 weeks ago

strategy for dog claiming from The Awful Truth https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yxRLFTxU3e8

+1 Vote up Vote down

al3ab-banat01 87p · 460 weeks ago

عرفت مؤخرا العاب بنات جديدة انتشارا كبيرة وكما انها اكتسبت جماهير كتيرة واغلبها البنات فهن يلعبن اكتر من الاولاد لهذا نجد ان هذا النوع هو المشهور والمنتشر اكتر في مواقع الالعاب وكما ان هذا النوع بدوره يشمل اصناف كتيرة سنتعرف عليها الان ومن بينها العاب الطبخ الدي يملك معجبين كتر جدا ويعتبر هو الاول تم يليه العاب التلبيس وهذا الآخر ممتع ويحبه الكتير لان التلبيس تعشقه البنات اكتر من الاولاد وهذا امر بديهي ومعروف وبعده بالتتابع يوجد العاب المكياج او الميك اب نوع جميل ومحبوب عند الصغار والكبار ويبقى في الاخير نوع قص الشعر وهو الاقل اهتماما سواء من الاولاد او البنات وكانت هذه جميعها اصناف العاب بنات .
al3ab banat

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