Jaya, her devious plan in motion, took this picture of Sansa yesterday afternoon.
I know you already read Mallory chewing out this loser, BUT:
Dear Prudence,
I take a couple of trips a year with friends or for work in which there are ample opportunities to cheat. In the past I have taken advantage of this, and so have many of my closest friends, both female and male. When I am home I am as dedicated a partner and parent as anyone else I know. I do at least 50 percent of the housework and child care. The same can largely be said for my friends, who also don’t seem to have a moral problem with straying from their otherwise monogamous partnerships on rare occasions.
I am happily married and very satisfied with my partner emotionally, intellectually, and sexually. But I can’t pretend that makes the thrill of the new irrelevant. I am fairly confident that many, if not all, of us are hardwired for this. But obviously this seems to run against the grain in our society, at least on the surface. I wonder if we are living in a very Victorian-esque time in which these basic and not intrinsically unhealthy desires are shunned because of past principle, or if I, and a large percentage of those I know, should be classified as sociopaths.
The easy answer here is that the only thing I’m doing wrong is being dishonest with my partner. But why hurt someone with this truth if it makes no difference to anyone as long as I’m careful to keep it concealed? If I found out that my partner had been doing the same thing, I would not be angry or hurt, but I know that she does not feel the same. Is something wrong with me/us?
–Don’t Feel Bad
I love Atlas Obscura:
Every so often, giant coconuts would wash up on the beaches of the Spice Islands, shaped very much like men’s buttocks. No one had ever seen the plant that gave rise to them. As a consequence, they attracted many legends, several of which Rumphius recorded. Rumphius himself didn’t believe the story of the Pausengi tree. He thought that the sea coconuts, or cocos-de-mer, must come from some unknown land.
Anna Merlan talked to Chirlane McCray:
What’s next for you, after being First Lady? I know that’s a ways in the future. Mental health has become a big project, but do you have other things you have your eye on?
Mental health is a very big project. I don’t see ever being finished with it. There’s so much to do. And I hope that the people choose that we’ll be here for another six years total. So I’m not thinking about what comes after this administration is over. I have my hands full with what I’m doing now, and I want to do it right. I always tell my husband, serve with distinction and everything else will follow. I’m trying to do the same thing. I want to focus on what I’m doing and make sure it’s successful before I even think about doing anything else.
Ruth Graham talked to TA-NEHISI COATES about poetry:
It’s unusual for a writer who is interested primarily in politics and history to put such value in poetry. How did that begin for you?
When I was in 11th grade, I had to read Macbeth, and I didn’t get it. I failed English. In 12th grade, I had to reread it, and it was really the language that gave me entrée into the play. The murderer says, “I am one, my liege, whom the vile blows and buffets of the world have so incensed that I am reckless what I do to spite the world.” The poetry in that! “The vile blows and buffets of the world.” Who talks like that? But I got it. Not only did I get it, but I was like, “This is a hard way of talking, but I know exactly what he’s talking about.” Do you understand what I’m saying? I’m like 500 years removed from Shakespeare, but I can feel exactly what he—I can put on some hip-hop, and it’s the same thing. It occurred to me that, put the drama aside, the words themselves could evoke things.
If I were in Boston (which I am not, bc I get horrible college flashbacks if I enter the state of Massachusetts), I would go see “Pairing Picasso” at the Museum of Fine Art:
“Pairing Picasso” also includes a bronze Cubist bust of Fernande Olivier, as well as a representational portraiture of her from Picasso’s early years. Olivier is the only of Picasso’s partners to have known him before he achieved success as an artist, and her extensive memoirs of their seven-year relationship have contributed mightily to our understanding of the man. In Einstein, Picasso: Space, Time and the Beauty That Causes Havoc, Arthur J. Miller writes of an incident in which Olivier, after a miscarriage, adopted a 13-year-old girl from an orphanage, but ultimately sent her back after discovering Picasso’s explicit drawings of the child. “Picasso’s relationships were often complex,” reads the curatorial text on the wall. Brooks’s poem, which she read at the dedication of the massive Picasso sculpture in 1967, begins: “Does man love Art? Man visits Art, but squirms.” Visitors to “Pairing Picasso,” in considering the succession of women whose bodies are now on view long after their deaths, may come to understand why
Here is the moment Matt met Sansa:
Comment I would have deleted if I were the one writing Jezebel’s Broad City recaps:
I miss the days when women were unafraid to show off their stingers and the healthy, responsive venom sacs that supported them. I miss the days when a woman’s writhing chelicerae were proudly displayed atop their cephalothoraxes, instead of hidden beneath layers of high fashion, when her grasping chelae were strong and fierce.
wait hold on is it women that have cephalothoraxes or am I thinking of scorpions
both, i think
a woman is definitely a kind of arthropod, right?
2 Entomologists Draw Women
Ent. 1: Soooo, I’ve never seen a woman up close. How many eyes do they have again?
Ent. 2: Uhhhh, I think 12?
Ent. 1: And how many arms and legs do women have?
Ent. 2: It depends, just keep drawing arms and legs until you get bored. It doesn’t matter how many as long as they have more than men.
My reaction to this is telling me I am ripe for another alien perspective on the sex act.
This seems like a good place to plug noted documentary Let’s Talk Women! by Crow T. Robot.
“This grainy photograph is the only direct evidence we have of a woman in her natural environment. The longer hair, the gentle and nurturing demeanor, are typical of how witnesses describe their supposed encounters with women.”
Well, i mean, women and scorprions are both unpredictable and likely to sting, so… best to just avoid both. *nods*
And check your shoes before you put them on.
Right?!? I just miss the good old days when women embraced our own feminine qualities. And devoured our mates after copulation.
I left my marriage with my head intact, even though I thought I’d married an old-fashioned gal.
Why, you got a mighty pretty tongue on you, doncha?
My husband says he judges other men’s intelligence by seeing if they “get” Broad City or not.
I went on a date with a guy who told me his favorite character is Bevvers. BEVVERS. Clearly he is a sociopath and I refused a 2nd date.
dodged a bullet there
There’s a really nice guy in my master’s program who has the SAME VOICE as Bevvers and kind of looks like him. And I would totally like this guy as a human being, but every time I talk to him, I just hear Bevvers quotes in my mind
Kickstarter: a dating site that matches you with suitable people based on your favorite characters
I need this.
I’ve been showing eps to my gentleman caller and told him basically “I want to watch you watch Broad City”. Every time he laughs at the show I get a little thrill of happiness.
“I want to watch you watch Broad City”.
Just reading that made me sit up a bit straighter.
My almost-husband’s favourite show is Broad City, and I love him so much. And I have a HUGE crush on Ilana but he crushes on Abbi, and honestly, it’s perfect.
I looked up those butt-coconuts, and I was sorely disappointed – though Octavio Paz did have a point about the “male inflorescence”. The flower Rumphius dubbed the Blue Clitoris Flower is presented without comment.
I dunno, I was pretty pleased with my Google Image Search
Mercy! :: fans self delicately ::
How has no-one commented on the fact that the botanist was named RUMPhius??
I saw that and seriously thought it was going to be a story about “how the term rump came to be used for butt.”
When I had a job organising kids’ science activity days, we hired a photographer to take some pictures of kids doing science we could use for publicity stuff. Some bright person thought it was a good idea to take pictures of a pair of kids holding one of these and a long thin black seed pod (something the shape of that ‘male inflorescence’. The combination was just horribly suggestive. Needless to say, those pictures were never published.
I know it was mentioned here yesterday but just reiterating that “periodically fling your genitals at strangers” is A+.
KH’s mum – “Sigh… I accept responsibility for what I have created… I guess.”
I will always have a wee, tiny soft spot for Katherine Heigl, though I have hardly seen anything she have been in, because when she was still a baby famous person, she starred in an indie film called Side Effects. It was filmed around Madison, WI, and I saw it at the Wisconsin Film Festival.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0438427/?ref_=nm_flmg…
I never drink coffee because of the taste and the caffeine but I’m at work and wanted something other than the water I always drink so I drank basically milk and sugar with half a teaspoon of instant coffee in it and now my heart is going to explode. Why do other people do this to themselves? Why? This is terrible. Coffee is terrible. I already knew this but now I remember.
I mean, I’m completely nonfunctional without several grams of caffeine running through me at all times. So. That would be why.
Im college I would drink a five-hour energy just to stay awake in class. I felt no added energy it just kept me from falling asleep in big art history lectures where they turn the lights out and talk about Caravaggio.
Nothing could keep me awake when they turned the lights out. As such, I either accepted my nap time or skipped class and used the time to head to the library and do the course readings.
Yup, was gonna say the same thing. Cause we’re total addicts and if you’re already addicted, a cortado is actually a pleasant thing to drink.
Aw, sorry.
Caffeine affects different people differently, of course. But I’ve been where you are (with sudafed) and it’s miserable.
Mmhm. I’m fine with caffeine but gods forbid I need to puff my inhaler.
I call my inhaler my “whee, my heart!” medicine. I usually say this while rolled in a blanket, shaking, and recovering as much from the inhaler as the asthma attack.
Yes. And then I want a nap.
A lot of people I know got really upset when Sudafed became prescription-only around here (due to meth manufacturers). Meanwhile I was happy because it meant Nyquil doesn’t include it anymore. It makes my heart race and my head feel weird and I can’t sleep!
oh don’t worry, once you’ve been drinking it for years a half a teaspoon of instant coffee doesn’t affect you at all, and you need to drink three or four cups of the stuff just to get halfway awake
Except it will probably be a year or two before I forget this enough to innocently think I could try coffee again. Or hopefully never again. Never again will be better.
I do that with foods that I don’t like, sometimes. I’ll think to myself, “Self, why has it been years since you’ve had a Big Mac?” While the first greasy, mushy bite is still in my mouth, I remember.
I’m with you. My friends tell me I’d learn to like the taste, but…why would I want to spend time learning to like something so vile? It helps that caffeine puts me to sleep, too, so I have no real incentive for learning to like coffee.
I always find instant coffee extra gross. I mostly do the green tea thing now but I really like warm milk with honey in it (it’s like a hug!)
I add a little nutmeg to my warm milk with honey, and it’s the best. My partner thinks it’s super gross but he is wrong. It’s the only time I’m interested in ingesting milk in a form that isn’t a sauce or cheese.
I only like to drink instant coffee when it’s in milk, it isn’t really like drinking coffee but it is rich in both caffeine and calcium.
So my doctor asked if I was getting enough calcium (which is hilarious because I consider my diet to be 75% cheese) and I said I drink lattes or cappuccinos every morning and there’s milk in those, and she told me that the caffeine in those type of drinks cancels out the calcium, so that doesn’t count towards my calcium intake because science.
Sorry to rain on your parade, just wanted to share this disappointing discovery haha
Ha I had the same conversation with my dr last year.
Me: “Oh I drink milk all day long with my coffee. Also sometimes I eat a yogurt.”
Her: “Go buy calcium pills right now.”
I honestly had thought that the roughly 12 years of my life in which my main beverage of choice was milk would absolve me of any future calcium deficiencies. Growing up, milk was basically all I drank. Have never broken a bone! *many knocks on wood*
Damn!
Hmm, guess I need to continue consuming large amounts of cheese, sour cream, and yogurt then along with my coffee-milk. God I love dairy. Relatedly, I hate “health” trends in which they try to convince you that dairy is evil and unnecessary for humans. They are clearly created by people who are not only deluded, but also sadists.
And who were arthropods rather than mammals, apparently.
Most mammals aren’t consuming the breast milk of another animal, nor are they consuming it into adulthood.
I have to drink about 2 grandes worth of caffeine to feel any effect at all, so I think you’re just hypersensitive in the same way that I’m hyposensitive to caffeine.
On the other hand, if I took half a benadryl right now I would sleep until Tuesday.
I think I’m also just not used to it. I don’t drink coffee or tea and I haven’t had pop on any kind of regular basis for about 15 years. I think the only caffeine I regularly get is whatever there is in chocolate.
I have always extremely insensitive to caffeine. Which plus/minus I can drink two or three pots one day and none the next with no real difference BUT its useless for staying up late or giving me energy.
If I drink coffee in the morning / day it makes me a little buzzy, but at night it’s fine and I can go to sleep just fine too.
I’ve had times where I was desperate enough to stay awake that I put instant coffee between my cheek and gums, like chewing tobacco. Talk about an instant heart attack. Sheesh!
I like cappuccino but have never liked regular coffee. Too bitter for my tastebuds.
Coffee is actually so freaking good.
Someone on the Toast once mentioned that it can help depression, and now I will treat myself to more than just one cup at breakfast when I need an extra kick — it really does help so much!!! It was an epiphany.
Yeah I find it helps me too. Last year I had a really bad depressive attack and couldn’t taste food for a week. I mean, I could taste it, but my taste buds didn’t care what was what. Coffee was the only thing I could still get some enjoyment out of consuming then.
I choose to believe this is true and will hear no evidence to the contrary.
My thing is tea. You can never go wrong with tea.
That’s why I stick to tea most of the time or decaf when pressed. Regular coffee makes me feel like I am on the verge of a nervous breakdown.
coffee is terrible they are all wrong
I once drank about seven shots of espresso in two hours and felt fine, so I think university has just hardened my system (and cold, dead heart) against the effects tbh.
I had to stop drinking coffee in the middle of grad school because it messed with my heart too much. Then I had fancy surgery and could start drinking it again, but didn’t because even a sip would make me feel like I could bench-press a garbage truck. Very recently though I started waking up super early to get the gym in before work, so I started with half a cup of coffee, then a cup, then two . . .
What have I become.
I think of it as my last addiction. I don’t spend nearly as much on it per week as I did on booze, but there are about three Starbucks around town where they know who I am because of my drive-through order, which rarely varies.
Herbal no-caffeine tea? Caffeinated water might be something to try if you want caffeine at all. Of course you can always over do that, too, but it sounds like you have some sense what doesn’t work for you.
Ugh, can somebody please explain to me why the BBC hates me and my favourite characters so much? I think I’m done with Downton Abbey. (I couldn’t sleep last night and instead read up something on Wikipedia that I definitely didn’t want to see.)
Is this re: current season?
No, I’m not that far yet – I’m talking about season 3.
Ahhhh, okay.
Mid season 3 or Christmas special season three? Because mid season three is the writers’ fault, but the Christmas special death is totally on the actor, who wanted out.
Mid season. I haven’t actually seen it yet, am still at the end of season two, but now I think I don’t even want to anymore.
Ah, yes, that was a heartbreaking death. I find that seasons five and six of Downton redeemed the show for me but 3 and 4 put me though the emotional wringer. I’m not sorry I watched through now, but for awhile I came very close to giving up on the show. I am glad it’s finally been brought to a close though. I’ve discovered that I like closure too much to properly enjoy dramas that run for more than a few seasons
You and me both. I can’t watch shows where something terrible happens in every single episode for more than a few seasons.
I quit at the end of season 3 and never once regretted it.
I just read recaps now. Seemed easier than full cold-turkey, because everyone seems to want to talk about it in my life.
“boarding on the pathetic now” is what grumpy surfers say on days when the ocean is just not bringing it
Idk I just miss the days when hodads were more gnarly.
“I wish I had brought my time-travel surfboard so I wouldn’t be stuck boarding on the pathetic now.”
thank you for this joke, I am silent-laughing at my desk
Dream big and plan a bright future for yourself! Don’t just board on the pathetic now!
I read it as embarking on a glorious sea cruise on the good ship Pathetic
Great, I love being reminded of how gross Picasso was. Also the general grossness of excusing men by celebrating their creativity and ignoring their personal lives.
“Arthur J. Miller writes of an incident in which Olivier, after a miscarriage, adopted a 13-year-old girl from an orphanage, but ultimately sent her back after discovering Picasso’s explicit drawings of the child. “Picasso’s relationships were often complex,” reads the curatorial text on the wall. “
“[his] relationships were often complex”
Yeah…sure…”complex.” *glares in the direction of the writer of that curatorial text*
Yeah, I mean, there’s softpedaling the truth for general consumption, and then there’s the full-on handwave of “complex relationships”.
Sure, they probably didn’t want to get into the nitty-gritty of exactly how many kids he had with how many different women, or precisely how many years younger than him some of those women were (44 years was I think the biggest age gap), but that wasn’t the best way to mention the grossness
“full-on handwave” is a good phrase for it. I mean, I’ve worked in museums and I’ve written the wall copy, so I really do understand that in that little bit you’re not going to go in full details or anything. But “Picasso’s relationships were often complex” just smacks so much of “dudes will be dudes” or “he was awful but also a genius so it’s cool” that it raises my hackles.
“He was too artistic for normal human sexual boundaries or morality.”
Ugh. I’m beginning to think that we should just start assuming that men artists are disgusting until proved otherwise. Currently in Québec we’re dealing with the grossness that is Claude Jutra, and the thing is that everyone kinda knew but brushed it off. I personally cannot separate the person from the art. If you are a cruel person in your personal life I’m assuming that this is reflected in your art, I’m assuming that it got recognition because you shouted louder than someone who had an equally important message but who wasn’t as good at promoting themselves since they weren’t a self-absorbed asshole who got off by preying on people who didn’t hold as much power. I refuse to celebrate it but I’m still unsure as to what we should do with it…can we reappropriate it?
I was JUST thinking about Jutra in connection with this!
I’m fully convinced that the reason Sorolla is not better known is that he was a happily married family man. His art is incredibly beautiful — he and Sargent have a lot in common — but too many of his paintings are too full of sunshine to make him An Artist.
My favorite is After the Bath. http://www.learn.columbia.edu/hispanic/monographs…
OMG. I love how the description makes pains to emphasize the classical elements (she’s 7.5 heads tall!) but also, um, young woman in a wet dress, guys.
“perhaps the canvas should be considered as Sorolla’s vision of contemporary reality of health, happiness and strength to he derived from sea and sun.”
*WAGGLES EYEBROWS* MMHMMM
OH MAN thank you for bringing that painting into my life! Now I kinda want a print of it to hang up in the bathroom.
When I was in third grade, there was an art volunteer, Vicky, who provided the third grade classes with information about each artist we learned about. When we were going to do a Picasso-themed art project, Vicky said: “If I had a time machine, I would go to back, meet Pablo Picasso, and slap him in the face as hard as I could.” I have no idea where Vicky is now, but I appreciate that she said that.
I still get mad when I think about how he crushed Dora Maar’s spirit.
The world is my oyster: https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/1/…
omg manspreading even as a child. the horror.
That poor girl. I hope Fernande Olivier was thinking of her welfare when she sent her back to the orphanage, out of harm’s way, but I worry she (Olivier) may have been motivated by selfishness and jealousy, which would be awful.
yeah but whatever got that kid out of there. not that orphanages were probably so free of abuse either, I am sure.
although what a fucking shame she didn’t think of sending PICASSO back to the tool factory where she got him. like marilla-cuthbert-style, dear sirs, I ordered a predatory narcissistic male artist from your catalog and the one who has arrived is degenerate beyond what was advertised, please replace at your earliest convenience, I am sending this one back on the train. he has got the suitcase he arrived with and I have packed him a lunch, you will be so good as to send someone to collect him.
I’m more interested in Tiny Town than in the butt coconuts. It is so pretty, and I bet it’s more fun than this terrible guy’s (you remember him) christmas village.
THE WORST. THE WORST PERSON. (not tiny town, the christmas village guy, whatever, you know what i mean)
We should put him in a rocket ship with Gabe the Victorian Douche and fill it up with mechanical bees and shoot them both into the sun.
I like this plan. But a very slow rocket, so the mechanical bees have time to do their work.
Here I was thinking his wife Litia should simply smother him in his sleep. Your way is better.
That tiny town! I feel like we should round up the creepy dolls from a previous thread abd place them in this tiny town. And play Hello Dolly and City of Tiny Lights on loop. forever
Nooo, no creepy dolls!
You keep your creepy dolls away from my fond childhood memories of my mother having my sister and I get in the tiny jail so she could take humorous photos. Tiny Town is just fine, no creepy thing required (not that I’ve been there in decades, but still)
oh god no I had forgotten about Christmas Village man
I am just going to be wildly angry about something all week
Oh no, I’m sorry I brought back the memories.
I kind of love Toast comments for periodically reminding me about Christmas Village Man and The Horrible Victorian Couple. I can direct all of my customer service rage at them and keep my job.
I need to know about Christmas village man now.
In case you could not fined in previous LR: https://thewalrus.ca/playing-god/
GDI I keep forgetting to post this somewhere–a friend of mine and I drove to Port Townsend this last week to be tourists, and also drove by the Victorian Couple’s house. We looked up the address and everything.
We didn’t see them, but we did see his truck and that he still owns the DeLorean, which is under plastic. (Why don’t they sell the damn thing if they’re so poor.)
We didn’t stop to take pictures of the house because we didn’t want to be creepers. Any more than we already were anyway.
Those Norwegian bodybuilders need to visit Tiny Town!
I was about to say, Tiny Town does not have enough Norwegian bodybuilders. DO YOU EVEN LIFT, TINY TOWN.
Oh, no! I am only a recent convert to Toast comments and I’m unfamiliar with Terrible Christmas Village Guy! Can anyone hook me up? I’m so intrigued! (Googling “terrible Christmas village guy” is unsurprisingly ineffective.)
THIS GODDAMN ASSHOLE. (so anger, much cathart, wow)
WHOA. got to the subtitle, and felt the anger rush into me. Wow. I haven’t even gotten the explanation behind “sold my wife’s clothes” and I don’t even care.
edit: ohhhhmygoooooddddd. this has to be a joke.
Right? I can’t imagine this is for real. It has to be satire, right?
….right?
Well thats obviously a picture of Andy Dick so it might be?
The comments, which all praise this douchebag, seem to think so. I think it’s more Sedaris: writer is a scumbag, writing that’s supposed to be funny is deeply scummy instead.
Oh my God.
I hope Litia gets half the village in the divorce and does unspeakable things to his millinery.
Hahahaha. Welcome to the hate group.
THAT CANNOT BE REAL. *whimpers*
I grew up right by Tiny Town! We went there all the damn time when I was 3-5 years old. But then I outgrew it, and I’ve been back maybe once since. It was pretty great when everything was me-sized
I went to Tiny Town a few times when I was living in Lakewood. I remember it being a gentle and fun place, which as an early stage sullen teen, I wasn’t into, but am more into now that I understand how few things are truly gentle in this world. Dang, that was more philosophical than I intended it to be.
CHRISTMAS VILLAGE GUY.
The Walrus is STILL publishing letters about how whimsical and heartwarming people found that story.
WUT NO. Please tell me there is a parallel “this man is a monster” eternal letter stream, because that is the only clear takeaway.
How great does this movie sound?? I’m sad that we still have to wait a year to see it but they had me at “female African-American mathematicians behind many of America’s first missions into space.” http://www.vulture.com/2016/02/octavia-spencer-jo…
Yes! They (and their story) are amazing and I am SO GLAD that someone’s making a movie about them 😀
Thank you for letting us know about it! *is excited*
Perhaps more appropriate for the OT, but Toasts! I’ve been intending to read Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Saenz. But lo! I just found out that the audiobook is narrated by Lin-Manuel Miranda!! By some divine providence, it is available through my library on the Overdrive app and I’m going to have an excellent flight for my business trip tomorrow.
Ah that book is the greatest thing and I’ve been meaning to get my hands on the audiobook.
That has been on my to-read list for ages and I think you’ve provided the final push
YES! The Aristotle and Dante audiobook is so delightful. Ahhh… You are in for such a treat. (As well as a couple meta laugh-out-loud moments about the person Ari does not want to study in school. 🙂
The audiobook is really well done! Enjoy!
Excellent news for my long drive next weekend.
There’s a clip of that book floating around online in which Lin-as-Ari talks about how sick he is of being taught about Alexander Hamilton. It’s a delight.
So excited for you! The book is absolutely a delight, I read it in 3 days (and I hate reading). It is simultaneously sad, dark, hilarious, and sweet. Best book I’ve read in a while.
*waves sadly from a college campus in Massachusetts* I love the Massachusetts part though. Was real nice to be able to marry my wife here when it wasn’t legal much of anywhere else. I’m just a non-traditional student in a STEM field so my life is Young Men’s Opinions and it makes me melancholic. Some Picasso viewing might help! – eta, haha nope.
Speaking of the men, that cheater really gets to me. The cheating itself makes me mad, but the “when I’m home I do at least 50% of the house/childcare.”
Son, please. The people actually doing 50% of that work each feel like they’re doing 80%. You’re maybe doing 20% and you’re doing it to smugly off-set the cheating. No points to Infidelitydor, and a pox on your ability to travel comfortably, like maybe hemorrhoids or something.
PS I have taken to calling The Young Men “son” to their faces when they start explaining to me about politics. I am only a decade older than them. They find it very irritating. Poor dears!!
Aw, poor wee things.
I gotta tell you guys, I’m really, really, really over men right now. I am dreading the day when I get my business up and running and have to go back to dealing with them.
And the thing is that even if you tailored your business to never work with men, one would crash through the door – a Not All Kool-Aid Man – saying, but what about the menzzzz? Ugh. My sympathies, and good luck!
There’s a local custom bicycle builder who only makes bicycles for women. I can only imagine how many cranky emails she gets.
I gotta be honest, if my dude weren’t as awesome as he is (and even he’s not perfect), I think I’d just start dating only women. I know I am lucky to have that option.
As someone in a teaching/mentoring role at a college who can’t respond to Young Men’s Opinions the way I’d sometimes like (at least not in so many words), I salute you.
Oh wow, at least I am under no pressure to mentor them or treat them professionally – I mean, I do as long as they are respectful, but they are often not? So I admire your strength and I’ll snark at one in your honor.
Ooh! Good curse!
Wait, wait: “May your seat never recline and your mattress be rife with bedbugs!”
“May you get stuck to the seat of an airplane toilet.”
May your every flight include a seatmate who will not shut up about a subject you don’t care about.
But don’t you see? He’s, like, helping his wife, even though men actually aren’t required to do anything!
I forgot about their lack of requirement! Now I imagine that when he said at least 50%, he was probz modestly underestimating!! Haha ugh. :/
Yeah, I read that “I do at least 50% of the housework” and my eyebrows shot right up off my forehead. Ok, buddy. I’m sure I totally trust your ability to realistically assess your life and relationship, especially in light of, you know, the entire rest of your letter.
”I do at least 50 percent of the housework and child care.”
JESUS MARY AND JOSEPH. It never ceases to amaze me how many dudes believe they are heroes for doing the same amount of housework/childcare as their wives and girlfriends.
“I do my fair share, so I’m basically Gandhi.”
RIGHT? You do not GET A COOKIE for taking out the trash and/or emptying the dishwasher, once a week. I do that FOUR TIMES A DAY, every day. On top of EVERYTHING ELSE.
On the rare occasions that my dad actually cooks, he gets really pissy if we don’t all shower him with praise for having done so.
Hey now, he does at least 50 percent! He might be doing more than his share! Where’s his parade?
Not to mention the fact that what they consider to be 50% is almost never 50%.
Just like fishesinthetwee said elsewhere, if you think you’re doing 50%, you probably aren’t. If you think you’re doing 80%, you’re probably around 50%.
When me and my girlfriend first got together,after both of us having dated men,we spent the first couple of years going,”I’ll just – oh! You’ve already done it! Is this – is this what fifty percent feels like?”
And while both men and women overestimate how much they do, men are (as one article I read put it) much “bolder” in their overestimation.
The ones who are lawyers are also known to be much “bolder” in estimating their competence and the strengths of their cases.
And even if it was he’s gone all the time!
On a separate note, I’m on a quest to bring “Jesus Mary and Joseph” back as an expression. It’s one my older relatives used a lot and it just fits so many situations so well.
I know, right? You know that shit has gotten serious when all three of them are invoked.
I’m very fond of “Holy Mary, mother of GOD” for the same reason. It sounds both profane and vaguely religious? Anyway. Adding “Jesus, Mary, and Joseph” back into rotation, too.
It’s actually unambiguously religious, at least to Catholics, being a direct quote from the Hail Mary prayer, which probably means it’s much more profane, which is a bonus!
I just realized I can’t say “Jesus Mary and Joseph” without doing a bad Irish accent as well. So it’s probably not a good idea for me to add this to my personal lexicon.
JAYSUS, MAURY ‘n’ JOE-SEF
Can I recommend “Christ on a crutch?” It is my papa’s go-to “things are kinda gross but not awful” saying.
Add “cross of Christ!” to that list.
My (Episcopalian) Grandmother used to say that all the time, but my sister and I are Jewish, so as kids we made up our own version and used to say “Rebecca, Rachel, and Leah!”, lmao, because apparently we were also tiny feminists and wanted only girl names.
We still say it sometimes too.
My ex!boss’ dogs were called Rachel and Rebekkah. I miss those dogs.
One of my proudest moment was addressing that phrase to two people named Mary and Joseph who were acting up.
I like to rock “Jesus, Mary, and Bullwinkel” on occasion.
Going to adopt this for myself. <3
I live alone, and I don’t do 50% of the housework.
SAAAAAAAAAAME
it got too real here
Unfortunately true. (Unless I count the cats as doing anti-housework to bring my average up.)
Yyyyyyyyep. (stares at pile of dirty dishes)
I do almost all of the housework, but only once every two weeks.
To steal a Chris Rock line “[assholes] always wantin credit for shit they SUPPOSED to do”
I was not aware that I was capable of a rich, full-throated villain’s laugh, indulgent and filled with ardent anticipation of someone’s impending demise until I was halfway through that Dear Prudence letter and looked up to see who the hell was making all that noise.
READ HIM HIS RIGHTS, MALLORY
MAN, yesterday, I meant to come here and find a place to say SLAY, MALLORY, SLAY, and I guess this is as good a place as any. I BOW DOWN, MALLORY, that answer was eloquent and purely SCATHING and absolutely perfect.
I enjoy living vicariously through Mallory’s answers to assholes.
That icky Jezebel commenter.
Sorry (not sorry) that the women of Broad City aren’t Proper Ladies, dude. But it’s okay. You still have a plethora of TV shows with cishet white guy leads to choose from.
Also, dude, why are you reading the BROAD CITY recaps on JEZEBEL if you hate feminist women? Sounds like you set yourself up for a bad time.
Barack: “We know it is Black History Month when you hear somebody say, ‘Heyyyy, Michelle! Giiiirrrrrlllll you look so good!” Michelle: “He’s alright.” (laughter) “You look good too, baby.”
They are my favs, and I am going to miss this presidency so very, very much, even in the very unlikely occasion that Hillary or Bernie somehow pull off presidencies that match or exceed Obama’s presidency in achievements.
I literally keep singing “teach em how to say goodbye” when I see their pic. I didn’t realize how much I enjoy the Obamas until they were about to leave me.
Maybe Alito will suddenly retire and we can get Justice Obama?
That’d be awesome, but I also respect his desire to spend some time out of the spotlight. I’m sure he doesn’t want to leave, but I’m also sure that January 22nd, 2017 will feel like finally racking a bar with 500 lbs. on it.
I hope he gets to sit under his own vine and fig tree for a moment, though. He’s earned it.
Oh, my heart.
I really needed that smile this morning, thank you.
This video is ridiculously endearing! I will miss the Obamas more than words can describe.
<3 <3 <3 <3 &c. &c. this clip.
“Picasso’s relationships were often complex,”
Where complex means pedophile. He was such a monster
Nothing is “complex” about Picasso’s “relationships” unless you’re Humbert Humbert.
really?? I had no idea!
(I admittedly no very little about him in general.)
Guess it’s time to go read a biography.
What did Abbi and Ilana even do in the season premiere that was so nasty? Most of the episode was about them trying to find a place to pee, but I would HOPE that dude knows that even in the “days when women were more feminine” people sometimes struggled to find a public bathroom. I personally miss the days when assholes online couldn’t basically say “ew girls having normal bodily functions is soooo icky” and pretend it’s some kind of intellectual argument about Society Today.
I’m guessing he didn’t get farther than the opening split-screen.
there are even like whole studies and papers about how the lack of public facilities open to women were part of the overall grand structure excluding women from the public sphere in times past up to and including the 20th century! every woman who was the first woman admitted to any kind of institute or employer had to work out the question of where she was going to be able to take a piss! it’s a goddamn social justice issue of pressing importance. for heaven’s sake.
I mean back when ladies were ladies, which meant back when they wore a billion times more fabric than they do now and needed help to get some of it off sometimes, public urination was probably 80 percent of what they worried about when they were out and about. I mean only imagine.
I hadn’t even thought about the SKIRT FACTOR. Maybe comment dude would like to see a historical drama focused on how annoying it is to hike many layers up to pee. “Acting less than” my ass.
I THINK I have been informed that back in the long-long-ago, in the before time, this was one of the only nice things about voluminous skirts that was better than pants, in that everybody wore crotchless underthings, if they even wore any, so you didn’t have to take anything off, just sort of stand there looking lost in thought and then discreetly stroll on. I sure hope I read that in a history book and not some sordid Restoration pornography tract or something.
And wearing actual underpants was scandalous, as it indicated there might be somebody who’d be in a position to see your unguarded junk!
NO WAIT I KNOW TOO MUCH ABOUT THIS I’M SORRY women started wearing split drawers only after they started wearing hoops, because bumping into something or an errant breeze would expose everything underneath. Before that they just wore lots and lots of petticoats.
Periods, obviously, were a huge hassle–they basically tied rags to a belt-like thing up until women started wearing modern panties!
I wonder if Smug Victorian Corset Lady knows this.
Having read her first book: she does indeed know this and wears split-crotch drawers and thinks (of course) that they’re better than modern undies. She does mention that once while doing a public talk on a Victorian lady’s outfit that included a discussion of underwear, she wore modern undies plus a sanitary pad under the drawers, so it’s likely that’s the only time she wears modern undies. STILL. That’s….not very Victorian of her.
Oh right, she talks about airing out her nether parts, doesn’t she? And how it’s healthier or something. I may be confusing her with someone else.
Women mostly squatted over ceramic pots. Or the ground if they were outside. No hiking required!
Also: modern women who wear historical fashion that includes corsets and/or bustles (and who often wear the time-appropriate split drawers or nothing) find that the easiest way to use a modern toilet is backwards–walk up to it without turning around, lift skirts in front, sit.
Access to safe toilet facilities for women and girls continues to be a huge issue around the world, not to be too much of a bummer.
Especially because you *know* they’re all giant South Park fans.
I myself would be glad if we all spent the rest of our lives pretending we all, of any gender, just used bathrooms to check our hair and wash our faces, and I kind of hate how everything these days includes toilet humor, but: let’s not pretend it didn’t exist in a million and three shows before Broad City, and that these guys didn’t find it hifuckinglarious when it was South Park/Archer/Robot Chicken/etc.
It goes way further back than that. Pretty sure Shakespeare had some toilet jokes.
Toilet humour: definitely a new thing. Yup, no toilet humour ever existed before millenials.
Will you guys come see my band, Tiny Town and the Butt Coconuts?
In a goddamn heartbeat.
Yes, but only if you play banjo dubstep.
aaaaaaaaaah, i did not know until just this very moment that i want this very badly. Please tell me it is real.
I think we all know what you need to use for your album cover.
Tiny Town gets an entirely new meaning with that, and I love it.
I love the juxtaposition of the shoulda-been-deleted comment next to Katherine Heigl & Mom in their fabulous feminine outfits. (I’m slightly jealous of how confident they are in pulling off all-white ensembles, too. I bet they’re happily on their way to a spaghetti restaurant.)
I dunno I watched that episode twice yesterday and I felt more ladylike every time.
Broad City is back and all is good and right with the world!
There are very few shows that reward close attention as much as Broad City does, I mean I’m gonna have to watch that cold open in the premiere about 20 more times before I catch all the jokes.
Luckily I’ve watched every episode of Broad City (both web series and CC) around that number of times and can confidently repeat most lines of dialogue. Still catch new things upon repeated viewings though. Great show.
did you see ilana wearing The Dress? the blue/black vs. gold/white dress? i swear she was wearing it for a second in the opening.
Yes! Abbi was wearing a white/gold version of The Dress and Ilana was wearing the black/blue version! I need to watch that cold open more. I read The A.V. Club’s Broad City episode reviews (which always make me appreciate the show even more) and in the review of the premiere and its comments people pointed out a million more jokes in the cold open alone. http://www.avclub.com/tvclub/broad-city-returns-s…
okay, yep. gotta watch it several more times. (i do love AV Club recaps, i can’t believe i hadn’t sought this one out. thanks!)
Rumphius?
TN Coates is exactly right…the feel of Shakespeare’s words in your mouth…such a pleasure.
F. Scott’s writing is like being in a bubble bath and Shakespeare is like eating perfectly textured bread.
Harper Lee is dead: http://www.al.com/news/index.ssf/2016/02/harper_l…
Does anyone here know the precise percentage of housework one must do to get a free pass on adultery?
And is there a formula for how we determine what percentage any given task is really worth? For example, if I mow the lawn it only takes about an hour, but it is 5,000 square feet. Much bigger than the house. So arguably, it is equivalent to cleaning the entire house, right?
Maybe there is an app that will keep track of the chores that I do and notify me when I have done enough to deserve a cheater’s weekend?
Or different levels of rewards, like a Kickstarter.
I mean, I feel like if you did all the housework your partner would be a lot more reluctant to leave you because you cheated. Like, sure my partner lied and betrayed me, but if I left them I’d have to start washing dishes again…
I bet that if you developed that app, you would make a fortune within a month from people buying it unironically.
Jesus Christ was a depressing and true thought.
I wanted to like this comment but did not because it was at 69 and I just couldn’t ruin that.
I ruined it. 🙁 Like away!
I also want to put my hands on Mallory’s shoulders and Stare Earnestly at her in appreciation for that answer to the widow who wants to offer living space to her friends/husband’s ex + partner. Simple, direct, compassionate, sensible.
I got a small tear in my eye.
Same with the people who were offered help while caretaking a family member with cancer. Take the help! It makes people feel good when they’re able to do something concrete to help you! Give them a chance to do so!
I need to share something silly and happy: Toast icon The Rock posing with his stunt double (and cousin).
http://nymag.com/thecut/2016/02/the-rock-stunt-do…
Clearly they are on their way for a post-workout cod dinner.
<3
Yup, was gonna say the same thing. Cause we're total addicts and if you're already addicted, a cortado is actually a pleasant thing to drink.
I wanted to like this comment but did not because it was at 69 and I just couldn't ruin that.
I remember reading somewhere, I can't remember if it was in Judith Flanders' The Victorian House or one of Liza Picard's delightful books on historical London, that part of the popularity of teashops like the ABC in late 19th-century London was that they were the only public places to offer respectable women a place to pee. Back then ladies could only go out and about for as long as they could hold their bladders.