Toasties, is it spring yet? I thought it was and then a “huge terrible coldest ever snowstorm on Monday” was announced for NYC. If so, return to us the hour of sleep. But it’s almost the weekend, so maybe some of you will sleep all the hours? The Bartender is never sleeping again. Open-thread like a gentle spring breeze!
Favourite TV series of all time? Not “best,” in your opinion, but your favourite.
I’m not a huge TV person, so I’ll find something I like and then binge on it constantly for a month, watching it over and over and over again, so I don’t have a whole lot of choices. Right now I’m rewatching Southland (I’ve only ever seen up to the fourth season so the fifth season is a total surprise), which is fantastic on a million different levels and just KILLS me to watch. I’m also incredibly fond of Deadwood, which I think is amazing television and never got the ending it deserved. Buuuut I have to admit that I really really love Modern Family for its gentle family humour, and I binge on that when I’m down because it’s so comforting. When I got rejected from the Ph.D program I wanted to get into, I lay in bed for a week watching Modern Family and eating Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
But ALL TIME? That is so, so, so hard. I think I’m going to go with Deadwood, for all-time favourite. OR Law and Order SVU, not because it’s the most amazingly well-acted and well-produced show around, but because I’ve seen every single episode multiple times and I can talk, at length and with animation, about it from many many many different angles, and it’s practically part of my DNA at this point.
Buffy. I can definitely see its flaws, and there are often things I get more pleasure out of watching now, but it has had a special place in my heart since I was nine years old and watching it for the first time, and I cannot bear to demote it. I love it so much.
Same. Always.
Me too!
Agreed 100% (I feel the same way about Firefly, which I am watching rightthisverysecond. I totally acknowledge the issues with Joss Whedon in general, but I love the rest of it so hard that I just keep it in my heart.
You will take Firefly from my cold dead hands. When I rewatch it now I see some of the problematic aspects and go :/ but it’s still one of the most well-made and enjoyable shows I’ve ever seen.
I gotta watch Buffy. I have the whole box set! And it’s on Netflix! It’s just such a time commitment.
Concur!
Agreed. Every day I’m more glad that Firefly was cancelled and we got a few perfect episodes instead of whatever monstrosity it would have grown in to
Yup. Sometimes I just watch seasons 1-5 because the last two have so many things that piss me off, but even a terrible episode of Buffy is more enjoyable for me than a good episode of many other things. Also, WILLOW.
Absolutely Buffy. It meant so much to me as an adolescent without many friends. There’s nothing I can imagine loving more.
+1
Buffy has been many different things to me at different times in my life, but I can still remember sitting in my friend’s living room, aged 9, watching ‘Bad Eggs’ while eating mac and cheese and having to put my bowl aside because I was so grossed out.
Yes, this. I watched Buffy the entire time it was on the air, from age 11 to age 18, and it concluded just as I graduated from high school. It’s absolutely the show that has been most important to me, and I think I’ve seen the whole thing at least 3 times.
Me too. I don’t know if I could rewatch all of it now, but when I was a teenager it was so precious to me.
SAME
Buffy is the background soundtrack of my life. It’s what I put on whenever folding laundry, making an empty house noisey, etc, because I can just dip in and out at this point. I see all the flaws, but still.
top of the lake. early veronica mars. season 2 of justified.
Yes Top of the Lake! While True Detective season 1 was airing I spent a lot of time convincing people that if they were enjoying that they really needed to do Top of the Lake.
i will proselytize about top of the lake to anyone who will listen!
Maaaaaaaaaaaags
I’m making my husband watch Justified now and we’re on the last season and he doesn’t love it as much as me and I don’t know what to do with my life now
mags freakin bennett, man. hands down one of the scariest villains i’ve ever seen on tv.
MAGS 4 LYFE
Named my dog after Mags Bennett.
I was just talking to a friend who was all casually like “I think I’ve seen seasons 1 and 3 of Justified cause I accidentally started 3 thinking I’d watched 2 already” and I was like “WTF you have to watch s2 nooooooww”
Top of the lake! My mum told me to watch it, and we don’t normally have the same taste, but its just so good! I wish there was more TV that good
Supposedly there’s going to be a second season in Sydney?
S2 of Justified is sooooo gooood 🙂
My dog is named Mags, not entirely cause of Mags Bennet, but a little bit cause of Mags Bennet and the awesomeness of Margo Martindale.
it’s SO GOOD.
also mags is an excellent name for a dog, much as it is an excellent name for a terrifying crime family matriarch.
Posted about naming my dog Mags after Mags Bennett before scrolling down and seeing you (sort of) did the same!
HI ARE YOU ME? My love for early Veronica Mars knows no bounds. So now I will have to watch Justified, based on your recommendation.
i was about to comment that they’re not very similar, but you know…i think there’s definitely some crossover! and justified is just GOOD TELEVISION, i’ll recommend it to anyone.
I mean, I also love Deadwood, and I hear Justified has similarities? (Hi, Timothy Olyphant)
Also, I am GREATLY enjoying the Toastie Deadwood love on this thread. Who knew!
definitely timothy olyphant! he’s great. i came for the tim o. but i stayed for the walton goggins, though.
I could not get into Justified. My BF at the time was watching it and I was a few episode and was like meh. Although that face off with the moonshine glasses was kind of awesome
Veronica Mars is on a second tier of shows for me – not quite *my* favorite but above and beyond anything else. I also still need to watch the last three seasons of Justified.
I hope you are watching Happy Valley! Its sooooooo good and no one is watching it and it’s soon good and if you liked top of the lake…man. It’s on netflix
I’ve heard good things about it and I also have a soft spot for James Norton and would like to watch him play a total creep! it’s on my list!
DEADWOOD FOREVER. Also: Veronica Mars and My So-Called Life and Six Feet Under and The Adventures of Pete and Pete and Parks and Rec.
My So-Called Life meant SO MUCH TO ME when it first aired. It was about a high school sophomore the year I, myself, was a high school sophomore. My very first time on the internet in early 1995 I used webcrawler to find a TEXT-BASED fan site. Crazy. I watched every episode so many times I had scenes memorized.
I tried to re-watch it a few years ago and couldn’t get past a few episodes. It was still very good, don’t get me wrong….but oh my god, I do not want tor relive my teen years. No.
Archer. It’s terrible and problematic, rarely fails to make me giggle, and you can pry it from my cold dead hands.
Buffy. Hands down. Over the distance of years I can spot and even speak intelligently about many of the problems. But man, that was formative in so many ways
Parks and Rec is #1 the most comforting show in the world to me.
My upstairs neighbor agrees, if I can go by hearing the theme music drifting down on a regular basis. It endears her to me a bit, honestly, especially considering she never says hi back to me……….
100% concur. It makes me hopeful, it gives me strength to continue on another day when I am most miserable. I don’t go more than a couple weeks without at least watching one episode.
Tied between Buffy and Parks and Rec for me. I could watch episodes of either a billion times and never get tired of them.
These are exactly my top two comfort shows of all time.
I just watched the episode where Leslie wins the election against Bobby Newport a few days ago. Such tears of joy!
I can’t think of him without my boyfriend and I in-sync saying “Bobby Newport, has never had a REAL JOB, in his life!”
I binge watched the entire thing, made my best friend watch the entire thing, and now my boyfriend is watching it and I drop in from time to time to cry a single tear or watch his face to MAKE SURE HE IS LAUGHING AT ALL THE BEST PARTS. ahem.
The West Wing forever and ever.
SO EXCITED FOR THE WEST WING WEEKLY PODCAST. JOSH MALINA AND HRISHIKESH HIRWAY AHHHHHHH
Wait, what??? I never regularly listened to Sound Exploder but Hrishi’s voice is like an ASMR video to me. I will have to check this out.
YES! They posted their “this is a thing that’s happening” bit and it’s like a minute and a half long and I’ve listened to it like 10 times because the theme music remix is BALLER and Hrishi’s voice is…yes.
As an Aaron Sorkin fan, how did you feel about Studio 60? I re-watch the first two episodes and get so excited about what that show could have been, but it really… wasn’t.
I watched half of the first episode and then stopped watching. It just…never really interested me? I think TWW hit me at just the right age and is about just the right subject- I also couldn’t stand The Newsroom and stopped watching after two episodes.
The Newsroom was like half great show, half terrible show and I watched it to the end because I found the mix of potential and failure fascinating.
I liked the Studio 60 Christmas Episode. Over time, my intolerance for Aaron Sorkin’s trouble writing women has increased enough that even that episode has become less enjoyable to me, but I’d say that that ep was Studio 60 at it’s best. (although if you edited the episode with Allison Janney to just be bits between her and Tim Busfield, that’s also pretty good)
“The Cold Open” is one of my favorite episodes of television ever. So good.
I really wanted to like it–at that point I definitely would have still called myself a fan–and found it completely appalling–self-indulgent, self-important, chauvinist and misogynist, classist, smug. . . If anything, being able to waste Sarah Paulson’s talents so much should be a crime.
I tried to like it, and I’m pretty sure I watched all of it, but eh… my bf at the time said that it didn’t work because we know what funny is – like, with West Wing, we don’t necessarily know what politics looks like, so it’s easy to suspend disbelief. But everyone knows if something is funny, and so it’s a lot harder to get into it…
YES YES YES YES YES
I’m looking forward to rewatching it for this! I’ve only watched it through once (a couple years ago on Netflix) so this should be fun.
YES MINE TOO. and I have not heard of this podcast and weelllpp there we go down this delicious new rabbithole!
It hasn’t started yet! You’re gonna be in on the ground floor! I NEED THE EPISODES TO START ASAP
TWW was to college-me what Buffy was to high-school-me. I count Buffy as my all-time favorite, but this is a close second.
Wait can you please link to this! I don’t know much about podcasts but I lovvvvve The West Wing
Here you go!
The first real episode will drop next Wednesday!
Sports Night for me. I know it was just training wheels for The West Wing and so many parts of it are dumb but… Dan Rydell forever.
Party Down, I think. It’s the show I’ll re-watch the most, and it hasn’t gotten old yet. It’s also the only show I fanatically insist other people watch.
I also have a soft spot for Shameless, which is a show no one but me ever seems to love.
I like Shameless too! It is not anywhere near the top of my list and it has some big flaws often, but overall it is good.
I like it, too. (haha, if we mean the American one I’m feeling vindicated because something I kept pointing out to the reviewer at the AV Club (when every review he was all why what’s the point I can’t played out exactly the way I said it was the whole time.)
Also, more and bigger parts for Noel Fisher plz and thank you.
I do mean the American one, haven’t seen the UK version at all.
Yay Party Down! It hits the spot where you sure wish there was more of it, but they wrapped it up in a pretty satisfying way, too.
I like the British Shameless. I couldn’t really get into the American one (probably because it was necessarily kind of weirdly different).
I think Shameless is the most honest portrayal of class I’ve ever seen. It’s one of very, very few things that ever replicated my experiences onscreen. Plus the acting is fabulous. If those actors were playing miserable rich people they’d be showered with awards.
Even when I’m frustrated with the writing, I’ve been so impressed by Emmy Rossum’s performance over the years.
I yelled out Deadwood before I even read your entire post.
Me too!
I was going to say Deadwood!
Black Books/ Father Ted I guess? At least this is what I watch when I just want something entertaining and can’t even be arsed with Netflix
My friends and I spent a summer really trying to be Bernard Black. We succeeded in that we were usually grumpy, whiny and extremely hungover.
I think I just like Irish misanthropists?
Every single time I watch Black Books, no matter how often I’ve seen it, the same jokes make me laugh and laugh and laugh. Bernard, Fran and Manny are such brilliantly written and acted characters. (“And a ham sandwich?… With pickle?!”)
The fake book titles from Black Books just make me laugh and laugh.
Amazing!!!
Fistbump on Father Ted. It’s not my fave fave, but it’s got one of the top spots in the Forever Rewatch column for me, too.
dueSouth, always. It’s humorous and gentle, but there’s a surprising emotional depth to it (and quite a bit of darkness…). I believe it has aged very well, especially when compared to similar shows from that time *side eyeing Highlander so hard*.
I re-watched the pilot last week. The regular-run series is so very ’90s Special Episode but it’s so great. I love the idea that Diefenbaker isn’t actually deaf, he’s just pretending.
haha yes, he’s trolling. Fraser is huge troll as well, and they are lovely and very close to my heart. <3
I love this show so much, despite having done a weird thing where I’ve only seen maybe fifteen episodes (maybe more, I’m terrible at estimating numbers) in no particular order over the span of all three of its seasons.
I converted my dude as well and while I’m really flaky about finishing tv shows, he’s a completist, so at some point, I think he plans to watch the whole thing in order. As it is, we have watched “The Duel” a whooole bunch of times, and it might be one of the best episodes of anything ever in my book.
due South definitely, yes. It is my perfect show. Basically episodic, good writing, good hearted, mostly unproblematic…Yes. So much yes. Oh, and also a darn fine love story. =D
Probably a tie between Doctor Who and Star Trek TNG.
Star Trek. So much love.
I love the constant background hum in every episode of TNG. I think it’s supposed to be the starship’s engines or something, but it just sounds like childhood comfort to me.
I’m a day late on this, but you may be pleased to learn about the existence of this YouTube channel featuring extremely long looping audio clips of ambient spaceship hum noises.
Screw rainstorms and ocean waves, spaceship engine sounds are the best white noise there is.
I feel like it’s necessary to specify which era/Doctor of Doctor Who. For me it’s Four’s stories with Sarah Jane Smith, Seven’s when he was with Ace (even the cringey ones are charming to me) and Ten when he was with Donna Noble.
My comfort food rewatch material is almost always going to be comedy, because it’s going to lighten my mood and be easy to watch in short increments. Parks & Recreation, Don’t Trust the B—-, and How I Met Your Mother (minus the last couple seasons) are way at the top of that list. I just watched Happy Endings for the first time on Hulu, but I imagine I’ll add that too.
But if you asked me flat out for my favorite show of all time, right now I’d say Buffy. And that I can also rewatch. I adore Mad Men and The Americans, but I am never watching them over again, I know that about myself. I have never rewatched Battlestar Galactica but it’s probably top 5 all-time for me and I’d like to someday.
So yeah, I feel like there are two favorite categories, one that you want to rewatch and one that you love and admire but don’t necessarily want to see again.
Shit, I forgot Veronica Mars. That’s probably second to Buffy.
Sitcoms forever! I’m so glad I’m not the only one here. I’m just getting into the B——- after having seen a couple of episodes during its live run. Van der beek is cracking my ass up!
I adore that show beyond reason. Krysten Ritter and Dreama Walker are perfection. And James Van Der Beek playing a douchey version of himself has got to be his best performance ever.
I’m not going to spoil it for those who haven’t seen it all, but the show’s attitude toward sex, love and “the one” is enormously refreshing. I love P&R to death, but not every show needs a bunch of couples who are each other’s true loves!
Yes, I love the B–: so sly and witty. And between that and his turn as Robin’s awful ex on HIMYM, he has redeemed all my teen hated for Dawson Leery.
Yeah, I think Southland is fantastic, but it’s too wrenching to watch over and over! There’s definitely two categories.
The Simpsons!
Bob’s Burgers
Good choice! Distinctly underrated, and there are definitely days when nothing sums up my mood better than Tina going, “Uhhhhnghhhh.”
Tina’s non-verbal vocalizations of despair have become part of my regular vocabulary.
Some day I’ll have to get you and Seamus to both make that noise. He’s really good at it.
I’ve been bingewatching Bob’s Burgers for the past month and I feel sad sometimes that theirs is not my life.
I’m actually really lucky- because growing up my family felt a lot like Bob’s Burgers, maybe because my Dad was into cooking and also had a mustache and my Mom frequently busted into song.
They have decided I am the “Louise” of the family.
My boyfriend thinks I am a Louise. I’m hoping to mature into a Linda (but I think he hopes he’ll mature into a Linda too, which could be too much Linda for one relationship)
Yes! They love each other so much!
And in a genuine way? Like “you’re such a pain in the ass but you’re MY pain in the ass and I love you.”
Mad Men, hands down. it has its Problems but I’m pretty sure I will love it til the day I die.
I wrote “Mad Men, hands down” too. It’s nice when your favorite show and what you think of as the Best show are the same.
high five! it’s definitely in a three-way tie for Best Show for me, too (the others are Breaking Bad and The Wire).
SAME! Mad men is hands down my all time.
Psych is so good forever and has my heart, end of story, ugh.
Husband, 14-yr-old, 9-yr-old and I all love it so very, very much! We can barely speak to one another without quoting from the show.
Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Sometimes I put my favorite episodes on in the background, just to re-listen to them for the billionth time.
i love brooklyn nine-nine dearly. it always cheers me up. my boyfriend told me that he likes watching me watch brooklyn nine-nine as much as watching the show itself, apparently because it delights me so much.
I haven’t gotten around to seeing anything past the first couple episodes of S2 because I am NOTORIOUSLY TERRIBLE at keeping up with television shows, but I have probably rewatched the first season several times because everything about it is just so wonderful.
(Except for episode four, I think it was? My dude and I were both kind of uncomfortable with the running fat jokes about the murder victim, because it seemed kind of mean-spirited, so we actually ended up dropping the show there for a long time, until I’d heard enough good things that one day I took a chance on the next couple episodes and fell in love.)
This is what I do with my favourite shows (including Brooklyn 99), just endlessly loop them in the background. It’s relaxing.
Me too! I love to listen to TV at work. B99, Parks and Rec, 30 Rock, Bob’s Burgers, Broad City, It’s Always Sunny… I practically have them memorized at this point.
Such a good show. I mentioned this in another thread, but what do you think of the new character, beardy what’s his name?
Urg, 30 Rock, despite its many flaws. It’s my ultimate comfort show, it always makes me laugh, and I just love the characters so goddamn much.
Agreed. I could (and do) watch 30 Rock on repeat forever.
Same. It’s my chore show – I automatically put it on when I’m folding dishes or doing laundry. What I really need (i really don’t need) is for Netflix to invent a shuffle feature.
YES! GENIUS!
Especially the eps with Elaine Stritch, RIP, 🙁
“Thank you, Kermit, for explaining the afterlife to us.”
Even that show’s funerals were hilarious.
Same here. So many problems, so many great one liners
“Miss Moroney, the pharmacist called to say that you can’t get a prescription for Ecstasy”
“Ugh – *thank you*, Obamacare!”
Gotta be Buffy
If we’re going by which show I’ve watched every episode of the most times it would be Gilmore Girls by far. I can’t choose one all-time favorite though, I love too many shows!
Me too! Except I’ve probably only watched seasons 6-7 twice, maybe.
Gilmore Girls is for sure my favorite TV show. (I’ve also only watched season 7 two or three times.)
Pushing Daisies forever and ever. Never has a television show catered to my tastes so specifically and perfectly and I miss it all the time.
many beloved shows have been canceled early and unceremoniously, but pushing daisies STILL SMARTS.
I remember it got cancelled right around my birthday so I spent a large portion of that birthday moping.
I just want Bryan Fuller to be in charge of all genre TV for eternity, is that too much to ask??
GAVIN AND STACEY.
Him & Her is slowly gaining second place, by Gavin and Stacey will always be my go to for any sort of emotion
What’s with the lack of Gavin & Stacey love? Have you people not seen the glory that is Vanessa Shanessa Jenkins? Cause she’s glorious.
Also The Smithy’s
And who could forget Doris!
You heathens.
Love all this.
OH MY LORD, I FORGOT ABOUT GAVIN AND STACEY.
Nessa might be my hero.
I once tried to explain Uncle Bryn as a character to someone who had never seen the show and, boy, is that hard to do.
Bryn. Oh man. At first I didn’t like him, but he just keeps growing on me.
He’s so strange but so relatable? He’s so sincere that I feel like we all wish we could be as genuine as him if we weren’t hardened by the world!
(I deliberately took a detour driving from Swansea to Bristol just so I could visit Barry island. I got a Nessa cup that I cherish.)
I definitely felt the same way about Bryn as I watched too. At first, I was thinking “Boy, this is guy I wouldn’t want to get trapped in a conversation with at a party” and then it turned into “Boy, I wish I was as excited about something as Bryn is about his new GPS.”
I definitely felt the same way about Bryn as I watched too. At first, I was thinking “Boy, this is guy I wouldn’t want to get trapped in a conversation with at a party” and then it turned into “Boy, I wish I was as excited about something as Bryn is about his new GPS.”
I think it’s something about Rob Brydon, maybe, that contributes to Uncle Bryn’s curious likability.
My favourite Bryn-ism was when he was all sad that Gavin and his mates had all left after their visit, and he said to Stacy, “I’m just rattling around like a bubble in a can” <3
Also Nessa talking about leaving her job driving the equipment truck for The Who: “I just kept asking ‘Where’s the book, Pete? WHERE’S THE BOOK??'”
Gavin and Stacey is so great and so comforting at the same time! I really love it. I love that it celebrates the lives and humanity of people that are sometimes snobbishly looked down on, especially in class-obsessed Britain. It feels warm and celebratory, unlike Shameless, which always felt exploitative to me.
Ruth Jones is a genius; Nessa is one of the greatest comic characters of our time.
I’m one of those people who is CONSTANTLY trying to convert new watchers to Gavin and Stacey. Especially when my mother starts talking about who “Jeremy Corbyn” had in the car for some karaoke. Smithy + Nessa 4 life!
Hoo boy, that’s a tough call. I’ve watched and re-watched How I Met Your Mother and Parks & Recreation too many times to count; they’re my go-to “tired/drunk/sick and need something familiar” shows.
Doctor Who, though I didn’t enjoy seasons 6-8 and dislike a lot of the fandom, was the first show I just got OBSESSED with almost ten years ago, watching and re-watching and analyzing it to death and defending my faves. I’ll always love it and I hope it picks back up after Moffat’s swan song.
For kids’ shows, Gravity Falls and Steven Universe have just been life-changing. I wish I’d had SU growing up to show me that it was ok to be a girl who likes girls.
I have not shut up about Hannibal for three years.
It’s so funny, I fell in LOVE with Doctor Who for a summer and rewatched the David Tennant episodes I think three times and the Matt Smith era twice. And yet because the show goes on and on and has such a long history before and after, I don’t list it in my very top tier of shows. It’s like post-50th anniversary its luster wore off and now I just like it and keep up with it in this very casual way.
Yeah, I think certain eras are always going to appeal to different people and outside of those eras it’s almost like a different show! And for me it goes beyond just different Doctors; the two head writers for New Who were so different that 2007-2009 Who feels like a different show from 2010 to the present. For me the two sweet spots have been both writers’ first years – Russell T Davies writing for Nine, and Moffat’s first year writing for Eleven.
Upthread I pointed out to someone that you have to specify which eras/Doctors. Ten’s season with Donna will always be up there in my absolute favorites, along with a bunch of Four’s stories with Sarah Jane Smith and Romana II.
Between Steven Universe, Gravity Falls, and the new Star Wars, it feels like much of the new media is trying to retroactively heal my childhood.
Not gonna lie, I’m jealous of kids growing up right now–if their parents are paying attention, there’s so much good media out there.
That said, Punky Brewster was pretty great, at least my hazy nostalgic memories of it.
I will be fair, there was Fraggle Rock in my childhood.
I have to admit a certain jealousy for kids too. So many of their shows are far better than most adult shows, as things like storytelling, representation, thoughtfulness, and maturity are important to me.
I JUST STARTED SU THREE WEEKS AGO sorry for shouting, I love it so much that I worry I’m just gonna start evangelizing at friends, but if I do I might start crying. I want all the kids I know to watch it. If it had existed as a kid I know I would have loved it then, and also, I probably would have figured out I was into girls AND boys a hell of a lot earlier.
I have already knit a cowl with purple stars on it and have been eyeing wigs and body paint and resin gems for an Amethyst cosplay.
Also I’m currently wearing a necklace I got off etsy that’s the star in the temple door made of shiny acrylic. I joked to my boyfriend that wearing it meant that my cleavage was the temple door.
Deadwood. Deadwood. Deadwood.
One of the creators of Leverage (the show that’s my current, obsessive favorite) just tweeted about Slings & Arrows, which reminded me that Slings & Arrows is the show that possibly even beats out Buffy for my own personal title of Favorite Show of All Time.
Oh gosh Slings and Arrows! “I’ll get you those fresnels!”
Welp that’s what I get for commenting before I read all the replies.
Even if it’s not what I’m most actively into, Slings and Arrows will always be one of those Little Perfect Shows (like Firefly and Pushing Daisies). I can’t think of a single thing I don’t like about it.
Yes. I can literally watch all the episodes and want to start right over again at the beginning.
I finally watched Leverage recently and loved it so much. Also Slings and Arrows yes yes yes and not just because my all-time fave show also features Paul Gross.
Late to the thread but definitely team #Leverage. Grifters Unite!
Once I would have said Buffy, but then I did a full rewatch. There are bits and pieces of greatness, but on the whole it really didn’t hold up for me 🙁
I think maybe ‘best’ in terms of ‘I could watch this beginning to end right now and then be ready to do the same tomorrow’ might be BSG (skipping the two episodes I always skip- Black Market and that one with the guy that I can’t even recall the name of). When I’m binging for comfort though I tend to go with things that make me laugh- Bob’s Burgers, Fresh Off the Boat, Brooklyn 99, Adventure Time.
This is hard! I’m leaning toward Orphan Black cause it combines being really fun and smart with being very feminist and woman focused and is a show I think I’d like just as much on 2nd, 3rd, etc. Go arounds.
Dr. Who and Buffy are two of my main go tos when I’m sick or something and want something familiar that doesn’t make me think. And I’m in the midst of S2 of the Returned so that’s the best thing I’m watching right now.
My laptop skin is Cosima’s and it’s a little thing but it makes me very happy.
the returned!!! forever. so creepy. such good music. i’ve had three boyfriends in the last three years and made all three of them binge watch the first season with me. Current boyfriend and i are watching season 2 so maybe hes a keeper?
I wouldn’t expect to say Deadwood…and yet we’ve literally watched it so often at my apartment that we’ve had to establish a “no more re-watches until the new stuff airs” rule. I’ve watched that show a LOT. I mean, I also love dumb, trashy ROME, but I haven’t watched it all the way through as many times.
I dunno, there’s other shows that I haven’t had the chance to re-watch a lot or that I love but don’t necessarily want to watch over and over again (like some movies that I adore but don’t re-watch incessantly). But, yeah, I am always up for Deadwood, apparently.
It feels like a way too obvious answer, but The Simpsons is the only show that fills both childhood nostalgia and great adult show niches for me. I still laugh out loud or get all emotional at things that I’ve seen a zillion times and it shaped my sense of humor. Too bad it got cancelled after only ten seasons.
I’ve been watching a Simpsons episode while I eat breakfast every morning for the last few months and it’s a ritual I highly recommend. Best way to start the day (and great excuse to always describe your coffee as “needs more dog.”)
We stayed up late as a family watching The Simpsons when I was a kid. It was like our family’s biggest agreed upon thing. And to this day, I am realizing that there are things I say on a daily basis that I didn’t realize where quotes/jokes from The Simpsons.
(Sort of related, I like to think that this year’s election is like the one from that Treehouse of Horror when Kodos and Kang took over the candidate’s bodies)
“It doesn’t matter which one of us you vote for – either way your planet is doomed! DOOMED!!”
“Maybe I’ll vote for a third party!”
“GO AHEAD. THROW YOUR VOTE AWAY.”
I think of that a lot.
“My fellow Americans. As a young boy, I dreamed of being a baseball”
“Well, I believe I’ll vote for a third-party candidate!”
“Go ahead, throw your vote away!”
“And always twirling. . .twirling. . .twirling towards freedom!”
(this is what I named my playlist of angry protest songs back in 2004. . .it looks like it needs a revival, sigh.)
American Dreams. 1000%. Hands down. I love this show with all of my heart and soul and I am still upset that the little 8 minute finale was never properly aired even though they deserved it. Thank god for Paley Fest, otherwise I never would have seen it and my heart would still be breaking to this day. And I am even more upset that it will never be on any streaming service because the music rights would literally be more money than god. But I will forever have my illegal DVDs that I bought off a shady website.
(Also, for Gilmore Girls fans, it is worth watching the last season to see Milo Ventimiglia play literally Jess, but in the 1960s!)
I should add, my brain wants it to be Veronica Mars, but the movie and Logan/Veronica nonsense just end up ruining it for me. I hate Logan. HATE. And would rather Veronica had ended up with literally just about any other person on the show. Or no one! No one would have also been great! Also yes, I liked Piz better come and fight me.
i LOATHE LOGAN. so much. even duncan, that sentient column of deli meat, was better than logan. and piz was OBVIOUSLY SUPERIOR to both of them.
Perhaps a minority opinion, but I probably liked Troy the most of all of Veronica’s boyfriends. He was a lying ass, but had actually straightened himself out nicely for his cameo in S2. Plus Aaron Ashmore is a cutie.
ME TOO! Troy forever!
I just think he had enough of an edge to keep him interesting to Veronica. Piz and Leo were very sweet guys and I thought that’s kind of why Veronica could never be as all in with them, because she wasn’t always the sweetest person and did seem to crave a bit of chaos even at the calmest of times.
Logan is the worst, and the fact that many people I love and respect think he’s the best love interest on that show makes me want to claw off my own face. Justice for Deputy Leo!
Thank you both. Sometimes it feels like such a cold, lonely world for a Logan hater.
Deputy Leo partisans, unite!
I hate Logan SO MUCH. My boyfriend is heavily invested in the Logan/Veronica relationship (“spanning years and continents!”), but I just think Logan is such a dick (also, think of all of the awkwardness, what with the history involving Lilly, and Logan’s dad, and so on). I was very sad about the ending of the film.
I am in complete agreement with the Femslash Friday post here on the Toast which argued in favour of Veronica and Mac.
Between Logan Echolls and Logan Huntzberger, I am 100% convinced that every man named Logan is a whiny rich boy who drags otherwise smart women down a path of utter buffoonery. And for what? They are not charming, they only think they are.
Also, dear smart women, you cannot cure their sadness. They are sad because they are rich and white. If you want to cure that sadness, engage in class warfare. Don’t steal boats or whatever so you can LIVE, dammit, LIVE!
I’m in the minority in that I don’t hate Logan at all, but I thought he and Veronica were a terrible idea together.
Seinfeld. Full of terrible, obvious problems, but can still make me laugh so much.
I am SO BAD at finishing TV shows, so there are a lot of shows out there that I love very much but only as far as I’ve seen of them. (And then I will rewatch those same few episodes more than once.)
– The first season of My Mad Fat Diary
– The first ten/twelve episodes of Elementary
– A very specific random selection of about ten episodes of due South
– The first twelve episodes of Gravity Falls because that’s all I have access to
– The Mary Tyler Moore Show, just in general
Leverage. Such great character dynamics and almost throughly consistently good writing through all five seasons.
I’m madly in love with Leverage right now. SO GOOD. And one of the rare shows that finished strong instead of spluttering along through several final seasons of dwindling quality.
For Leverage fans, I can recommend the British con game show, Hustle. It’s a bit more amoral than Leverage (they are not always actively seeking justice although they operate under a self-imposed code after a fashion). Plus Adrian Lester is dreamy.
HUSTLE IS AMAZING AND PERFECT AND ADRIAN LESTER CAN HAVE ME ANY DAY HE WANTS.
(ps my name is “ashley” and i don’t love the name, but I really kinda want to get people to nickname me “three socks” even though it’s nonsensical and also almost no one in the world would get the joke)
I definitely rewatch the naked in central London episode…quite a bit.
I also love how they never explained precisely why Ash was nicknamed “three socks.”
I thought the implication was that he has a large penis.
Oooh, this sounds promising! Thank you for the recommendation.
I only have a few more episodes to go, and I’m stretching them out rather than binge like I want to because I just don’t want it to end.
I watched Leverage for the first time last year and DID NOT expect to become as attached to it as I had. I am currently in the midst of my second rewatch. It’s just so comforting and satisfying and funny!
Leverage is my all-time favorite. Seriously good writing, happy endings, an understanding that romantic relationships don’t have to have constant drama and break-ups to be interesting. Also, I love every single character. I don’t spend any time when I’m watching an episode wondering why someone is there. I could go on for days about how much I love this show.
Think it might be time for a re-watch.
My ex and I watched Leverage together, and then he got way behind me, and I stopped watching so he could catch up, and he never did, and then two years went by and I didn’t get to watch any Leverage since I was waiting for him.
Anyway we broke up a month ago and that sucks but I can’t wait to marathon all of Leverage now!
Having a Leverage marathon that includes episodes you have never seen sounds like the perfect consolation for a break-up. It is so bizarrely soothing.
Deadwood is a good choice. I can’t pick an absolute favorite but Arrested Development is probably the show I’ve re-watched most often.
Editing to add Venture Bros as near the top of my list, it is so good.
Ah yes Venture Bros I should have remembered that one! (Maybe I would have, if they put out a season more than once every three years)
Hart of Dixie had everything I wanted from a feel-good, low stakes tv show and I MISS IT. Also I am forever entertained by the fact that Bluebell is the same set as Stars Hollow and Rosewood.
Some Girls, which I’ve mentioned on the Open Thread before, is also another favourite and an excellent example of female-led comedy.
Life on Mars was my “official” favorite for a long, long time. It’s been a while, but I’m honestly drawing blanks on any show that might replace it.
Although, I deeply wish that I still felt the way I used to about Doctor Who.
I feel you on Doctor Who! I wish I loved it as much as I did 8 years ago, but…partially as a result of writing and partially because I’m apparently a closet hipster who got annoyed when Who got Mainstream, I don’t delight in it as much as I used to. But at the same time I’ll always love it, if that makes sense.
I’ll definitely always love it. & there’s still certain episodes I rewatch over and over again, and probably always will.
But yeah, for whatever reason it just feels like the magic of the first five seasons is totally gone. I’ve watched some of the most recent episodes, and they’re fine, they’re fun, but there’s nothing special in watching anymore, and it’s suuuuper frustrating.
Life on Mars is such a great show. Just funny with a ton of heart. I may have bullied several people into watching it. I may also have cried at the end.
I 100% cried at the end and still do, and yes, it is the show I test my friendships by.
I wish that about Doctor Who as well. The last few years have just had a completely different feel to them, and I am not finding it anywhere near as enjoyable.
Probably Better Off Ted! I’ve re-watched at least three times now and I still really like it. It’s a nice comfort watch because nothing bad really happens and it’s funny.
Those fake commercials on Better Off Ted are my favorite thing ever and I would murder someone for a Phil & Lem spinoff!
Oh, that would be so much fun!
I looooove Better Off Ted and I still find myself mumbling “It’s going to revolutionize the way we do business!” to myself all the time.
Jabberwocky!
Solid choice.
I think about power buns whenever I do my hair for work.
“The X-Files”. I will ride hard for that show – again, it’s had its issues, the recent revival had some issues, but holy shit, the fucking joy I felt at seeing Mulder and Scully again…words cannot express. It inspired me as a writer, it reminded me of the love I had as a kid for UFOs and that sort of lore.
If I was picking a comedy, it’d be “Parks & Rec”. It’s a show that helped me realize that when it comes to my televised situation comedies, I’d much rather watch something where the characters all generally like each other and aren’t constantly behaving like horrible fucking douchewhistles for “jokes”.
YES X-files 5ever. For the most part, even the crappy episodes are halfway watchable if there’s enough Mulder/Scully interaction.
I love all the low key humor as well, obviously there are “funny” episodes, but they were pretty much trading random one-liners from the beginning.
That lizard man episode in the miniseries was amazing (could have done without the gratuitous tr*nny crack whore, but that could have been worse, I guess?).
My boyfriend bought me the entire X-Files box set for Christmas and I am watching it for the first time!
Okay so that’s amazing. I would trade something of relatively significant personal value to see Paper Hearts for the first time again.
Deadwood. Buffy. Veronica. West Wing.
Also, I loved, loved, loved China Beach when it was on. Colleen McMurphy was my everything.
Oh, McMurphy. If only the music rights weren’t so expensive – would love to be able to rewatch the whole thing w/o buying the boxed set.
Mad Men, hands down.
Broad City for a close second place.
Justified. The pilot, season 2, season 4, season 6. Just forced new friends to watch the pilot, & their immediate demands to borrow the series dvds solidified my theory that they are friends for life. Cannot wait until they get to watching the glory of Mags.
Yes, to the “find something you like and then rewatch for a month” approach to TV watching. Netflix must get so confused.
Right now, the show I’m watching over and over again is Miss Fisher, which definitely is one of my favourite shows of all time, but it’s hard to assess objectively.
Friday Night Lights!
I finished watching the series last night and cathartic cried for about an hour. I just got a text from my husband saying that he misses all of our “Friday Night Light friends” :(. FNL is perfection on many levels. Tami Taylor! Clear eyes, full hearts. Texas forever.
“It’s my job to make sure you don’t grow up stupid, Tim. It’s bad for the world.” = Best explanation of public education I’ve ever heard.
My favourite scene from that show: Eric gets the job offer at a university, and Tami wants to stay in Dillon. Eric’s all pouty that Tami isn’t deferring to him this time. There’s some event before Eric leaves, and Tami gives this great tearjerker speech. Afterward, they’re home in the bathroom getting ready for bed. They’re both looking in the mirror, and Eric is cuddling Tami, and says something that suggests he thinks she’s changed her mind and will follow him (because if she loves him as much as she said in her speech, she would, right? Whereas he can get his way 100% of the time and it doesn’t mean he loves her any less). Tami is like, “What? no, I’m still staying here.” The look on Eric’s face! Rewind. Laugh. Rewind. Laugh. Rewind. Laugh. Rewind. Laugh. Rewind. Laugh.
Venture Brothers.
then maybe Northern Exposure.
Northern Exposure is one of my favorites as well. I have it all on disc and have definitely watched it all the way through from time to time. It was incredibly progressive for a 90s show and still holds up very well in that regard. So much so that it makes me sad that a lot of my favorite actors never did much of anything afterwards. Elaine Miles still has some of the best, understated comic timing I’ve ever seen.
Northern Exposure was an integral part of my childhood! I haven’t seen it since though, I wonder if I’d still like it?
I say give it a try. “Russian Flu” in the first season has some great Twin Peaks references, “Get Real” in season three is the first appearance of the Flying Man who takes a shine to Marilyn and cameos by cirque du soleil performers, season 4’s “Ill Wind” features the immortal Joel Fleischman line: “You broke my broken nose!”
I guess I am quite a bit older than most, but my still all time favourite is MASH. I watched the last few seasons as they aired and I can re-watch it pretty much indefinitely.
I agree with other, though, about 30 Rock and Seinfeld. Certainly there are problems, so good and so easy to watch over and over.
by the way, ya’ll are convincing me I need to watch Deadwood.
IT’S SO GOOD
Yeah, no kidding, wow.
Parks and Recreation. Every time i am sad I watch it and I feel better.
HANNIBAL. Because I am fangirl trash.
Honorable mentions for Parks & Rec, ST: DS9, and Spartacus (on Starz, and is a really good TV show, you guys!).
Seconding Spartacus! (and Hannibal is of course amazing but not to everyone’s tastes).
I’m almost done with my full watch through of TNG and will start DS:9 after. I haven’t watch them since I was a kid.
WHAT IS THE BEST SHOW? SPARTACUS IS THE BEST SHOW!
I’m torn between “Leverage” and “Jeeves and Wooster”.
Buffy and Friday Night Lights, if I had to choose (*sings* if you had to choose, if you had to choose…)
Buffy was the first show that I ever loved, the first show that I was purely obsessed with and lived and died for. I can still quote pretty much every episode from memory. As an adult, I’m pretty sure I will never love anything that way ever again. Also I can still happily rewatch it forever.
FNL I watched as an adult and so it can never feel the same as Buffy (and it’s such a different show), but I do still feel this upswelling of emotion every time I think about it or talk to anyone about it, that can’t be matched by any of the shows I love more intellectually. (Though Mad Men and The Americans and The Wire also provoke lots of strong feelings in me. But the feelings are more mixed and overall sad.)
Having finished FNL last night, I am currently so full of emotions. I have a full heart.
I have an enduring soft spot for Blood Ties, because it’s based on the books of one of my favourite authors.
Aaaaagh. That show. I started bingeing it like right after the season ended. Then I kept hoping and hoping there would be season 2 on some obscure network, but there wasn’t and it just ends on a cliffhanger. I haven’t re-watched in a while because it’s too frustrating.
If you haven’t read the books, I highly recommend them. There’s a complete story arc over the course of the series, the sexual tension is not endlessly unresolved, and Henry is openly bi.
I own the DVDs. Let’s be friends.
Yes, let’s!
I’m not sure I ever did grab the “season two” DVDs. I should check.
I think Futurama is what I watch most often (even the Seymour episode!) I grew up on the Simpsons, but Futurama is what I can watch forever.
I’m not sure if I have an answer to “favourite tv series of ALL TIME”, as I’m not that big of a tv watcher and there hasn’t really been a show that I’ve stuck with for years and years, though the closest in that department would have to be Arrested Development or Star Trek: TOS.
Right now my current favourites are Call the Midwife, Parks and Rec, and Steven Universe. I just feel so cozy and happy when watching them (though sometimes I also cry).
Re: Steven Universe: after the episode Monster Buddies I made my boyfriend pause because I was crying so hard. I wanted to watch a cartoon just to relax, and noooo it’s taken over my life instead.
I don’t want to think about how much of my life so far has been spent watching Deep Space Nine, and how much more of my life will be spent watching it.
(Pushing Daisies and Leverage are my runners up)
If I think about the shows I have re-watched the my list would be as follows (in descending order from amounts of time re-watched):
1. 30 Rock
2. Parks and Recreation
3. Sex and the City (what can I say, I love puns)
4. Grey’s Anatomy (but only up to the point that Izzy starts seeing a ghost, which isn’t even that far in)
5. Bojack Horseman (lol I am depressed)
Slightly embarassing!!
I have watched other more drama type shows I have loved, but I don’t tend to re-watch those.
Mr. ksek, who has boldly claimed that he doesn’t have favorites in any given genre/medium, has also stated that his favorite show is Deadwood (I haven’t watched it at all yet, although we do have many DVDs)
Myself, however… oh gosh… I think it actually probably is Cougar Town. Other contenders: Cheers, Mitchell & Webb, Kids in the Hall, Broad City. Basically, silliness and friendship. Any shows with silliness and friendship.
Freaks and Geeks. I watched it in my formative years and have seen it so many times, and I just think it resonates with my soul in a way that probably no other show ever will.
Yes! It was on when I was in high school and my chem teacher (who looked remarkably like Mrs. Weir) recommended it and I took it to heart, it’s so good and real. And also excellent music.
Freaks and geeks is too real for me. The frustration and anger of being a teenager stuck in a world of adults that don’t understand (and are activley bullying in some cases) is too close to the bone. I just become sad and angry on behalf of them when I try to watch it
I haven’t seen Deadwood myself yet (I will, though!), but as far as the ending goes, it got greenlit for a movie a couple of months ago, so maybe that’ll give it a more worthy ending?
Everwood. I have probably watched the entire series through about six or seven times. Some episodes are just unbearably sad but they are normally balanced with a good dose of humor and I still marvel at just how perfectly they handle the most creepy aspects of the show (Ephram dating his adult babysitter and the fallout/repercussions of their breakup). The acting from everyone in the cast is amazing and I keep hoping Tom Amandes gets a steady job again because Harold Abbot is just the best.
I still hold a major grudge against the CW because they cancelled it and renewed 7th Heaven when they absorbed all of UPN’s shows. Don’t ever ask me about my feelings on 7th Heaven.
In terms of comedy, it’s every season of Community with the exception of the gas leak year. The only one from that season that I’ll re-watch is the ep where Brie Larson plays the coat check girl.
I binge-watched all of Community (except the sixth season, as it’s not on Netflix) last year and loved it so much.
I have a weird reverse-fondness for 7th Heaven because it was so spectacularly awful on just about every level, and my brother and I had many fine times watching it to mock*. But from pretty much any merit-based decision, you’re so right. And I still get excited when Tom Amandes pops up anywhere.
*Now the Stephen Collins stuff makes it too gross even for hate-watching. Incidentally, Collins used to be one of the big alumni fundraisers for my brother’s school. Not so much now.
Blackadder (seasons 2-4 only, natch)! You’re in good hands with Rowan Atkinson, Hugh Laurie, et al.
Oh, yay! I’m so glad someone finally mentioned Blackadder! It’s not my absolute #1 fave, but I’ve watched it so many times (more often than my fave, honestly). Seasons 2 and 3 are my faves.
Blackadder and early to mid run Red Dwarf would both be really good picks.
Jane the Virgin! It’s still early in its run, but every episode is so warm and funny and wonderful.
If documentaries count, Carl Sagan’s Cosmos is up there as well.
Yes to Jane the Virgin! I love it so much and know I will be rewatching it many times over.
Pushing Daisies, always and forever.
Avatar: the Last Airbender, now and forever.
Six Feet Under. The Fishers are everything. I recently watched it through again and found that I identified with a different set of characters than I did when I watched a few years ago. I can still be moved to emotion just by thinking about that show.
Slings and Arrows (omg the everything of it).
Joan of Arcadia (at least the first season).
Haven’t seen it in years (not for lack of trying) but at least the first five seasons of Road to Avonlea. All the feels.
Daria.
Murphy Brown–seriously that show was majorly important to me as a little girl.
Joan. Of. Arcadia. I think I will forever be bitter about it getting canceled for Ghost Whisperer. Fucking GHOST WHISPERER. If JoA got a third season it would have been either one of the greatest things ever or absolute ridiculous garbage, but either way it would have been GLORIOUS.
WENTWORTH MILLER AS POSSIBLE SATAN I mean come on!
Haha when it seemed like everyone I knew who watched Criminal Minds resented the hell out of Joe Mantegna for replacing Mandy Patinkin, I was all. . .but he’s Fat Tony AND Will Girardi! I have to love him!
More seriously, I think Will and Mary might be one of my favorite TV married couples.
I haven’t thought about Joan of Arcadia in years but oh, that was a good show.
I painstakingly collected the Road to Avonlea Seasons 1-5 over the course of several Christmases. That shit was $$$. But worth it. When I was a child Sarah was my fav and I thought Felicity was The Worst, but re-watching as an adult, gotta say Felicity is one of the best characters in the world. Her fights with Felix were just the best, and the episode where she stuffs her chest to see what she’ll look like with boobs makes my heart so, so happy every time.
Twin Peaks. So much Twin Peaks. Twin Peaks forever. Not only to I rewatch it all the time, I think about it all the time. I see BOB all the time, like, when I see pictures of Donald Trump. I’m like, yup, that’s BOB. I recognize him everywhere. But also the goodness and purity that David Lynch talks about. It’s at the point where I don’t think of it as fictional or allegorical anymore.
I have been watching the Dick Van Dyke Show to help me fall asleep since I was a toddler. It’s just so contemporary–really holds up. It’s on Hulu & I still watch it to fall asleep. The Mary Tyler Moore show was also really inspirational to me as a kid.
But also, Frasier & Keeping Up Appearances & Antiques Roadshow.
The only TV shows on DVD that I actually own are Julia & Jacques Cooking at Home and The Two Fat Ladies.
The X-Files, always and forever. I know there are so many flaws, but I fell in love with it when I was 12 and I’ll stay in love forever.
Star Trek, especially TNG, DS9 and Voyager, for me. I watched (and read) so much of it, at such a critical point in my life, that it’s probably permanently imprinted into my brain structure.
I also often watch Stargate or Xena when I just want something endearingly silly.
You know, I can’t keep track of my multitudinous cousins, but I can remember the names of Cardassians who one showed up in one episode of DS9. To be young and have that kind of memory again!
The first 3 seasons of Big Love. I like to pretend that the rest never happened…
Hands down, my all time favorite is The Office (US version). I go through spurts of other favorites, have “Current Favorites” (Playing House is “Current Favorite”) but The Office is my all-time favorite, which come in handy now that I work in an office.
Playing House is criminally underwatched. I will never relate to a TV character more than Lennon Parham’s character flipping out when Rabbi Dan sees her in a “tankini two piece.” “HE HASN’T EVEN SEEN ME IN SHORTS!!!”
I have not seen anyone else mention Twin Peaks yet, and feel like my world is just a little more lonely today than before.
Twin Peaks is a definite fave (I have spent more money on getting versions of the show: first on VHS, then the gold edition DVDs, and now “The Entire Mystery” for which I had to BUY A BLURAY PLAYER — I feel like Phillip J. Fry going, “Shut up and take my money!”)
I love Twin Peaks for its aggressive weirdness and heart! It’s just not one of my go-to comfort shows, you know? Like I have to be in a particular mood to watch it (typically when I have some huge craft project so I can just watch it with as few breaks as possible).
Is the “The Entire Mystery” worth it? I would also have to buy a blue ray player and figure out how to hook it up to a computer because I don’t have a TV. But I would figure that out for The Entire Mystery.
I mean, I think so. Both movies and the pilot and tons of deleted scenes and extras. David Lynch is my favorite crabby weirdo though.
Luckily, the cost of Bluray players has come down quite a bit.
All about Twin Peaks. Live for it. Probably have it memorized. Own Julie Cruise on LP. You are very not alone.
I don’t know that I can properly answer this, but my go-to show to watch when anxious/upset is Frasier, because the stakes are never all that high (we need to been seen attending this opera! but its sold out!) and nothing really bad happens on Fraiser.
mmm, Buffy and FNL are where my heart and soul lie at. I tend to rewatch Parks and Rec and 30 Rock the most though.
Unbreakable three-way tie between X-Files, Gilmore Girls, and Buffy for first place, with 30 Rock and Parks & Rec tied for first-and-a-half place. I also really like MASH.
Kings! It’s so wonderful, from the beautiful shots (THE BUTTERFLIES) to the almost Shakespearian dialogue. It was achingly lovely at times, and I frequently curse NBC for cancelling it so early.
Plus, Sebastian Stan plays a sad eyed gay prince and I am helpless to resist that.
Yes! Ugh, that needed to be a cable series or something. So much there! So much potential!
De-lurking to participate: Xena: Warrior Princess and Futurama. Oohhh man, Xena show was a big part of my late childhood/early adolescence. TV time was very limited for me and my sister, and my family didn’t have cable most of the time, but when we did have cable Xena was my favorite thing to watch. My dad also inexplicably loves it, so we used to watch it together.
So now that I am adult and give myself as much TV time as I want, and also Netflix exists, Xena is still one of my favorite things to re-watch. Even the problematic episodes, and even everything after season 4, when shit gets weird. I just love it.
That, and Futurama just never fails to make me laugh. And the last episode just gives me all the feels.
Also, I do a lot of sewing and sometimes when I get tired of listening podcasts, I like to put on Firefly or South Park, because I’ve seen them so many times that they are entertaining enough to take the drudgery out of seam-ripping/pinning/hand stitching without being too visually distracting.
late to a long thread but i rewatched True Blood this summer while studying for the bar and its shameful how much i love it and how many filthy filthy dreams I had about eric northman/ alexander skarsgard i had as a result of my stressed out tired brain and late night binge watching
Might be a tie between Seinfeld and Friday Night Lights.
I have to be boring and say Parks and Rec. Even with all the brilliant thought-provoking series’ I’ve binged on, this one just feels like home to me. It was an instantaneous click — I remember plowing through the second season on netflix with this nice warm feeling, like I knew I’d found something that would be a part of my soul. Re-watching is like shooting the shit with an old friend (and there’s hot chocolate and cuddly dogs and you’re under a big fluffy blanket).
…and now I’ve made myself wistful. Brooklyn Nine-Nine is doing a pretty good job of patching up the Parks-shaped hole, at least. Hi, Jason Mantzoukas!
Homicide, Life on the Street.
Followed by Slings and Arrows.
Followed, in no particular order, by The X-Files, Buffy, Rocky and Bullwinkle, Tom Baker-era Doctor Who, and Upstairs, Downstairs.
REMEMBER WENN.
It was on AMC in the late 90s and I loved it so, cheesy as it was. I have almost convinced myself I made it up, except that my family all seem to remember it as well.
Judging by my fannish activities, Sherlock. I’m flying across the country to my third 221b con the first weekend in April, after all.
The funny thing is; I’m….not that obsessed with Sherlock anymore, not really, not the way I was three years ago. But I still read fanfiction on occasion, and I have a hell of a lot of friends I found through the Sherlock fandom, and I get excited for new episodes, and I still spend money and time improving my cosplay.
Have any of you ever gone on a cruise by yourself?
I’ve been wanting to go on a cruise for a while now, but all of my friends are either still in grad school or not interested in cruises. Logically, I know that it probably wouldn’t be much different than regular solo traveling, which I have done and love, but illogically, I keep thinking of Chuck from Pushing Daisies being murdered on her cruise trip by herself, which is obviously ridiculous because A) fictional and B) I wouldn’t be transporting gold monkeys that anyone would want to kill me for.
Anyway, I guess I’m just looking for stories or tips anyone has for cruising solo?
No but I really want to. I want to be Phryne Fisher in Death by Water.
I never knew I wanted this but now you mention it… damn, that sounds fun.
Right? I went on a cruise with my family once and it was wonderful in some ways and meh in others (the cold I caught on the plane to Seattle didn’t help), but going on a cruise by myself sounds awesome.
I’ve thought about it, but I also worry about forced socialization with random straight people. Am I correct in this worry, experienced cruise-goers?
I was only a teenager when I cruised with my parents, but I think you can opt in or out of socialization as much as you want. Usually you get put at a table with a bunch or randos, which can be as fun or as awful as you make it. If you hate it, there are usually food options where you can grab food and retreat to some dark corner by yourself.
I went on a cruise years ago with my then boyfriend and his family. There is food coming out the walls on a cruise ship, including room service options. The only time I had to interact with strangers much was the two official sit down meals we attended, where there were assigned seats. Had we attended more of our meals in the ship’s dining hall, we would have been seated next to the same people every single time and forced to make more awkward small talk.
As it was, I mostly just had to make awkward small talk with his mother and sister. His dad, awkwardly, did not talk. But that is all a different story for a different time.
All on ship social activities were optional, and I’m pretty sure you could spend a whole cruise without too much unwilling interaction with anyone.
No, you never have to socialise with anyone. Closest you will get is small talk in the lifts.
I’ve wanted to go on a cruise too, and my friends just have no time or no money. I’ve been at my current job for just over a year and haven’t taken my week of vacation because I don’t want to just throw it away and veg out at home.
I haven’t solo traveled because I feel it would be depressing/lonely for me, but I feel like a cruise might have more built-in options for socializing?
It depends! If you pick a cruise that’s geared toward your age bracket you’d probably get a lot of good socialization opportunities. The one I just went on had stuff like dance classes, port vs. starboard trivia contests, and low-key sports tournaments (like table tennis). I was on the cruise with my family and most of the people on it were retirement aged so I didn’t do many activities, but they were there.
I didn’t even consider that there would be young people’s cruises, specifically. The only targeted cruises I’ve really heard of are singles cruises, and those hold no appeal. I’ll have to look into this…
I’m not entirely sure how cruise-classification works (my mom did all the research) but one time in port we were parked across from a German cruise line geared toward active young people. We were very impressed that it came equipped with bicycles for the guests to use for exploring the islands.
My only experience solo-traveling is bicycling on the Oregon coast for five days, and staying in yurts (kinda like permanent tents with locking doors and electricity and beds with bare mattresses) every night.
I’m super extroverted and worried I’d get lonely, but I was fine. I called my boyfriend every night from the beach (which was where cell reception was best) as the sun was setting to talk about my days. I brought a novel with me and bought two more. I struck up short conversations with a lot of strangers–mostly other women and/or cyclists. That part of the coast has towns fairly often, and thousands of people bicycle that route every year, and the campgrounds had plenty of people. If I wanted to socialize, it was very easy to do so, and if I wanted to be alone, that was also very easy.
I enjoyed it much more than I thought I would and hope to do it again at some point!
I have! I Hurtigrutened by myself a few years back and had a lovely time. It’s a bit of an odd cruise (40 ports of call up the coast of Norway, and the passengers are a mix of people using it as transport, a heavily elderly population who never leaves the viewing deck, people attending conferences onboard, and a few random adventure-y travelers who dogsled during the day), so I don’t know how universal my experience would be. I went on prepared to pretty much spend the week by myself and being cool with that (long-time solo traveler/introvert), but I ended up making friends with three other “young folk” on board (I was in my late 20s, one lady was in her 40s, and the other two were in their 60s, and we were perhaps the sprightliest of the tourist passengers). There was assigned seating, but we “reassigned” ourselves to our own table, and we hung out in the evenings and occasionally did excursions together. It was a very nice mix of “with people” and “no people please thank you” for me, and I thoroughly recommend it.
I’ve also done a boat trip (small boat, not really a cruise qua cruise) with a group, where my roommate dropped out at the last minute, so it was just me and three couples, and I spent a fair chunk of time on my own while they were off being all couple-y. In general, I think small(er) boat cruises (Hurtigruten was also much smaller than your Carnival or your Princess, etc) are fairly well suited to solo travel – it’s harder to get lost in the crowd if you’re seeking social interaction, but you still have the full resources of the ship/excursions if you want to entertain yourself. In any cruise, though, I think if you want to rock it by yourself and skip all awkward small talk with strangers, that is totally something you can do.
Now I want to rob a bank and do all those hurtigrutenings.
Good point regarding smaller cruises! I’m not super interested in most of the places the largest cruise ships go, so sounds like that bodes well for future solo cruising plans!
Also that Norway cruise sounds absolutely magical!
The solution is obvious… We need somebody to start up a Toastcentric travel agency! I always liked the idea of hiring myself out as a “companion” to some obnoxious rich old lady who wanted to see the empire…
This is not advice, but I have been contemplating going on a cruise by myself too! I have solo traveled a couple times, and I really like it, but cruises seem to me like the final frontier… normally when I solo-travel I am doing it where I have room to go off on my own and sit on the beach (or whatever) by myself for as long as I want and not have to talk to anyone. It seems like being cooped up on a boat is in direct conflict with my desire to be left entirely alone for 75%+ of my vacation.
That said, I went on a cruise with my family several years ago and (because I thought my younger brother was really dumb + my parents spent the entire time either fighting or passionately making up) I spent all of it in the teen lounge meeting new people… and I loved it. So who knows?
I am thinking of going to Galapagos for my next Big Vacation, and I keep reading that the best way to do it is by circumnavigating all the islands via yacht. I am not a “yachtie” – I own not even one polo shirt! – but it seems like that might be ok, because I’d be with all the other ecotourists who are generally on the same “let’s go see penguins and then go snorkeling!” page. So … maybe it all depends on the kind of cruise you go on.
I did that! I went not alone but with my soon-to-be-ex-MIL (was meant to be mine and the now-ex’s 10th anniversary present from her…) but we had a fantastic time. We did a small boat – 16 passengers. We sailed overnight, breakfasted on board, day on the island, or morning and then go to another, and then back to the boat for dinner. We all made friends and it was fine.
A Galapagos yacht cruise sounds amaaaaazing, I’d never even thought of that!
If you can manage it moneywise I massively recommend it – absolutely the experience of a lifetime. I can’t remember which of these itineraries we did but it was one of them.
http://www.enchantedexpeditions.com/destination/g…
Have you seen the stats for how many people VANISH on a cruise? But why kill someone on a cruise–oh, because a cruise is the perfect romantic yet dangerous event and the ocean will never surrender the corpse! If you go on a cruise alone, you can witness a murder!
Unfettered by family or romance, the lone heroine sizes everyone up and makes a diary about it and we’ll all hedge bets on who ends up killing whom. Like a real-time Agatha Christie novel!
Plus, cruising alone probably reduces the chances of you being the murder victim yourself. If someone did want to go on a cruise with you, how would you know that it wasn’t just so they could push you overboard at the earliest convenient moment?
That’s exactly what I’m saying. I kinda wanna write this book but honestly Studybears you should since you are going on the cruise.
It could have a nice “A Jury of Her Peers” twist where you unexpectedly stay silent because a woman murders a man or something. And all men are bad so even if you got sloshed taking notes, you’re preeeeeeetty sure he deserved it.
PERFECT. This is exactly the motivation I needed; reading all those Agatha Christie novels throughout my life was definitely in preparation for this situation. Now I *have* to go on a cruise solo, if only to have plenty of time and inspiration to write my modern spiritual successor to “Death on the Nile.”
It’s been said before, but I’d like to say it myself: The Toast comments are wonderful, they keep me sane. They give me faith in the power of community and just being darn lovely and civil.
I’ve just broken up with my boyfriend of 5 years and moved away from my university city where all my wonderful friends are for a new job. When I’m with them, I could see myself through their eyes and they think I’m good so I’m able to see myself as good. I’m missing that a lot.
The silly thing is, my new job is pretty great. I’m presenting at a conference next week which Francois Hollande will be attending? Serious imposter syndrome. I have no idea what to wear?! (I focus all my anxieties on that…)
You’re all wonderful
Seconding the wonderfulness of the Toast… they do the same for me. Congratulations on the new job, and I’m so sorry about the breakup and the distance from your friends. Lack of social structure can be a confidence killer but it sounds like you are on the upswing.
You are wonderful, too! Whatever you wear will be fabulous. Go kick life in the face!
They still see you as good! When you need that, remember their opinions of you or try to set up a Skype call or something.
At the behest of an ex, I spent some time across the country from my closest friends and family and realized how crucial knowing how they saw me was to my sense of myself and liking myself, so I know how powerful that can be. They never once thought less of me in that time though, it was just harder for me to be aware of it. Trust me that they still see you as the awesome person that you still are and good luck finding your new community there.
Ohhh man you just hit the nail on the head so hard I’m getting weepy. Thank you. Good friendships take time to build (for me). I need to set up a Skype….
<3 <3 <3
look. when you’re here, see yourself through our eyes: you are good and wonderful. the support community here is what makes the toast amazing!
now, what to wear… I don’t know that it makes such a huge difference except that, for example, I don’t feel like a badass when I’m dressed up and don’t wear lipstick. I feel tougher in heels than flats. I like a shirt that doesn’t need to be tucked in, if possible. what are those things for you? is it all-blazer-all-the-time badassery? is it your smashingest wristwatch/bracelet combo that gives you psychic power? maybe this is obvious, but these are the things. when I started tapping in to what types of dress clothes made me feel more confidant, that was much more important and had a much bigger impact than “well, these trousers are *technically* more dressy than that skirt,” or whatever.
now, how’s that for taking the question absurdly literally? 😉
**edited for a typo
YES! I totally needed this advice I’m glad you addressed it! I have a dress I love, but I’m worried it’s too brightly coloured and I’ll stand out too much. Should I go more grey and formal? But! I think I’m going to bite the bullet and do it – I love that dress.
Thank you so much, I’m so glad people are getting what I mean about losing my identity by losing my friends.
Yes, wear the dress! You could have a jacket of some sort handy if you feel like you might want to tone it down a little once you’re in the scene, but damn it all – grey and formal is going to be every single person there, wear some color and shake up ol’ Hollande. 😉
xo
Seconded on this! Color can make you stand out, and present you as the vibrant and interesting person you are!
I’m wondering about the sleeves on the dress – some conference spaces are too cold, or the dress sleeves make it too informal. Having a blazer in black, navy, or dark gray can solve both issues, and adds a professional capper.
This is a response to a photo of an appropriately literary Toast pet lounging on a bookshelf that was posted here recently (I can’t find it now, apologies!). This is Mavis, and while she’s adorable I don’t totally support her taste, picking Game of Thrones over The Magicians.
Tiny kitten!!
Is it a cat or a bookmark? The world may never know.
Yay cat!
My favorite part of this is that I didn’t realize the photo was sideways and I assumed the cat was pushing those books up and was a SUPER STRONG CAT. I’m sticking with that explanation.
So did I. 🙂
I thought it was so cute how she had wedged herself in SIDEWAYS!
Bahh, my bad. It comes up right side up on mobile, which is how I posted it. Glad her crookedness is at least entertaining, though.
Holy shit. Photo’s like a goddamn library calendar shoot. That’s not a real kitten. No kitten is that cute. *HEAD EXPLODES.*
Your kitty looks so much like mine! He’s beautiful! Also It’s a Book is such a good book 🙂
Well she’d have to be a very flat Mavis indeed to fit atop the Magicians. If only Lev grossman could write a mass market paperback….
haha, it might have been me, but either way I’m going to post it again!
Yes, it was definitely your picture I was thinking of! I love it.
This kitty has the faciest face in all of kittydom. Those eyes!
But what if she’s actually saying, “No, no, don’t take these, I’m going to shield you from them so you’ve no choice but to pick The Magicians”? Maybe she’s really only thinking of you, in the end.
Is this the cats-in-bookshelves thread?!
Here is our cat in the bookshelf – but which one is she?
i want to hug this floof! a lot!
GUYS! This is awful. Claudia and selma, are you around? I thought of y’all last night when I saw this Daily Mail article. Yes, it’s the Daily Mail, so it might be entirely made up. But it’s about a woman who died from lung cancer after her doctors wrote off her symptoms–including shortness of breath–as anxiety and depression. So, there’s that.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-2290128…
as the daughter of someone recovering from a brain tumour that was dismissed as “sinus infection or shingles” I sadly believe this all too easily.
Me, too. 🙁 And I hope your parent is recovering ! That’s terrible! Terrible!
Side note, I have a friend whose mom didn’t realize that she was leaking brain fluid out her nose and thought she just had bad allergies, so that’s something else I worry about now.
Also, sinus infection or shingles? HOW ARE THOSE SIMILAR? How could you think something could be one of those things and also possibly the other? Am I missing something?
They are not similar, and I will never forget the look on the ER doctor’s face when we told her what my mom’s doctor said.
(My mom is doing really really well now, thanks to our nurse friend and her daughter telling us to trust our instincts and make her go to the ER)
UM UM UM brain fluid?!?!?!?! Well now I’m terrified of hay fever season.
I hope your friend’s mum is ok now, and I hope your mum recovers swiftly, Roisindubh211!
RAGE.
Seriously. How can doctors dismiss an illness that causes someone to leave work? All they probably had to do was a blood test, but no its definitely anxiety so there’s no point looking any further. Like I worry that I have cancer or something because I feel a bit ‘off’, but if I was actually debilitated to the point that this poor woman was and doctors tried to tell me it was ‘just’ in my head? I’d go nuclear on their ass.
NO KIDDING. This is just terrible. But I am not surprised, sadly.
I WAS READING THIS YESTERDAY IN HORROR
I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO PROCESS IT. IT’S TRULY HORRIFYING.
FUCK. I relate to this article way too much right now, having gone through a similar thing on a smaller scale. Not having people believe you when you are ill is the most isolating feeling I can conceive of 🙁
I totally agree. It is the worst.
How horrifying and sad and infuriating, all at once.
A woman in a smaller city in my state is suing her local clinic because she’d gone in THREE TIMES saying “I think I’m having a heart attack,” and all three times they gave her an EKG (but didn’t do any other tests) and said “nah” and gave her anti-anxiety meds and a referral for a physical therapist and sent her home–she had a massive heart attack and almost died shortly after the third visit.
Dating stuff in the reply!
So I’ve been seeing this woman for… not that long, like four dates? She is the first woman I’ve dated, and we talked about like, our coming out narratives etc when we were out this week.
Buuuut we were texting last night, and she kept saying that she didn’t want to be an experiment, that she didn’t believe that I was attracted to her etc. And like I get the not wanting to be an experiment thing, I’ve spent most of my life not dating women because of that exact fear, the fear of being like…not gay enough to count, if that makes sense?
I didn’t really want to get into it last night via text, but we’re hanging out tonight and I’m gonna have to be like “even if my sexuality is not as clearly defined as yours is that doesn’t make it not real?” Right? That is what I have to do, yeah? I’m fine to have this conversation, but I don’t want to be constantly convincing the person I’m with that I like them.
My current partner (of a year and a half) is the first woman i have ever dated and she felt really similarly to your lady, and honestly I think still sometimes feels that way. I felt/feel the same way you do – really fuzzy on labels. It’s definitely a bit of an issue for us.
Ugh, apparently I don’t have advice – it still bothers me because I perceive it as her thinking she knows my sexuality better than I do, and also buying into the bullshit that bisexuals (not 100% into that label, but it’s the closest I’ve found) inevitably end up with men. I can be fuzzy! On details about my sexuality generally! And still know that she is the cutest best amazingest sexiest and that I would like to keep her!
Yes – have the conversation.
OH man solidarity pal!
I’m fine to have a proper conversation about it when we hang out tonight, I’m just hoping that I don’t have to constantly convince her that I like her? And yes, it did feel like it had a twinge of bi-phobia, which very much a thing I know but I thought we MAYBE left it in 2004 with the L Word.
Right? And it feels especially hurtful somehow coming from a lesbian – like yah, straight people are probably gonna be biphobic but I somehow expected better from someone who has experienced the utter shittiness of homophobia and doubt firsthand.
Yes this, 100, co-sign, praise emoji.
I’ve spent most of my life not dating women because of that exact fear, the fear of being like…not gay enough to count, if that makes sense?
Just chiming in to say this makes total sense and I feel the exact same way and have not overcome it.
If you’re confident in your attraction to her then I think you’re past the point of experimentation. Good luck with the convo.
Ugh ugh it’s really hard! It took me a long time to be comfortable enough get here, I wish you luck.
Thanks for vote of confidence!
I don’t have any advice, as I have yet to actually overcome that feeling of not being queer enough to count. (And I’ve slept with women! And it was great! But somehow actually asking them on dates for real relationships feels much scarier? Like I’m Bi Enough to sleep with ladies but not enough to date them? That’s different from your problem, though.) All of the solidarity and support, though, as you have that conversation!
Oh I feel you so much there. Solidarity in feels.
I feel a lot of that, too! I feel like I’m most likely bi enough to date ladies, but I really want to be in a real Relationship with a lady so I can confirm that.
Thank you thank you! I will def update y’all post the conversation- it is very good to feel Not Alone!
You should not have to convince her over and over that you like her. One of the biggest fights I’ve ever had with my then-girlfriend now-wife (and only woman I have ever been romantically involved with) was about this very issue. But by the time we had that (extremely heated) conversation, we had been together about a year. It would’ve been so much harder to have that conversation after 5 dates (if only because I cried a lot, and I’m generally not interested in crying in front of people who I have just started dating). Good luck!
My 1st Friday of my new job! I am beat! Everythings great, its just a LOT to absorb and the org really wants me to be up and running shit like, yesterday. I’m getting there! In good news, however, I have an office and I think I’m going to decorate it with plants and an accent chair. Anything can happen.
Congratulations! My best office plant game has been in the succulents terrarium field. Everyone loves a good terrarium and you can rotate in and out plastic toys to make landscapes. Also you just dump your water bottle off your desk in it once a week and it’s going to live forever. That’s my advice. That and a spider plant so you can give everyone cuttings and force them all to love you.
Someone help me! I’m starting a legitimate search to buy a house and I feel like Vincent Adultman (three kids stacked under a trench coat) trying to talk to the loan people and choose an agent. Someone hold my hand and tell me I’m a real adult!
(Also, someone hold my hand and tell me it’s possible to buy a house in the Boston area that isn’t a tiny sack of garbage without being a bazilliondaire.)
Oooooh exciting! Where in the Boston area are you looking? My dream is to buy a place in Somerville or Cambridge but unfortunately I am not sitting atop a throne made of bags of money, so that’s pretty unlikely. I believe in you! You can do it! Even Vincent Adultman can get things done!!!
Malden is the name of the game, but we’re also looking at JP, Medford, and Dorchester if the price/location is right. I’d love to live in Camberville, but even with the giant amount of help we’re getting, it’s still far, far out of our grasp. I just want my commute to be an hour or less in one direction. It is not right now and I’m running out of podcasts I can stand.
JP and Medford are awesome! I don’t have much experience with Dorchester, but the way things are going, you could be sitting on a goldmine if you’re willing to wait a few years for gentrification to work its “magic” after you buy your house.
My bil and SIL moved to JP and it’s perfect and lovely for them! Half our pals are in Medford. They used to be down on it but it’s one of the more affordable and character-filled places around, imo. I’m buying outside Boston because I like both having a car and not having neighbors, and it’s still enough money to make me cry, but. Eventually we all find the right place for us – good luck to you!
I want a house in frigging Watertown, which is not glamorous, and I feel like I’d have to be heir to the throne of a small country to afford it. Sigh.
Escrow closes for me on Monday, and I know how you feel. And I’d done it before (by myself) but it was before the mortgage crisis so stuff had changed. You’ll be fine. If something doesn’t make sense, please please please ask for clarification. You won’t be the only one on earth who doesn’t understand this byzantine process. And your agent does it every day and knows it way better than you ought to. And if your agent is worth their salt, they will be HAPPY to make sure you get it. Good luck!
We used Shawn Bernard from Central Mass Realty in Leominster and I would recommend him because: We discovered some evidence of terrifying structural stuff in our 300yo house that Shawn helped us buy 2 years ago. I emailed him this morning to barf up feelings of terror and ask if he had any advice and he called back almost immediately is stopping by this afternoon to look at it himself after a long talk about my concerns in general. He works all over the state.
Anywho, good luck with the search. We are in Worcester County for several reasons, Boston area prices among them. Don’t ever buy a property because there are “plans” to extend public transport there or vague predictions of re-development.
Also, MA has classes! http://www.mass.gov/hed/housing/affordable-own/fi…
We never took one because we bought the 2nd house we looked at which isn’t really advisable or normal afaik.
Oh god this is me but in Western Mass. Why is everything so complicated? Why is everything so EXPENSIVE?
COMMISERATE. There cannot be so many fancy emeritus professors in this area to warrant so many million-dollar homes! What the hell! Even renting is insaneeeeely expensive, I pay as much here as I did in Boston!
Yeah, rent is a big part of why I’m looking at houses. I live in an amazing apartment near Smith right now, but my rent is going up a LOT this year and it’s stupid and ridiculous.
And yeah, WHO is buying the gajillion dollar houses? How are there so many??
Oh hi fellow Northamptoner! Our rent went up this year too, what’s up with that? Not enough to get me to move, but, ugh. The invisible millionaires that must live among us baffle me to no end. Where do they work?!
Vincent Adultman is one of my favorite characters on television.
My fave ritual with Mr. Ada is coming home and asking, “how was the business factory today?”
I can’t tell you that you’re a real adult, but I can tell you that we’re ALL Vincent Adultman. Especially the loan people and real estate agents, it’s just their job to pretend harder.
You can do it! I know nothing about the Boston area, but solidarity because Mr. Dacks and I just started the same process last week and felt/feel the same way. Ask around for recs for an agent, and hold out for someone who’s a good fit (we totally bailed on someone we were uncomfortable with and now we have an agent we really like instead). Don’t be afraid to ask a million questions. It’s a silly complicated process and it’s your banker/agent/etc’s job to understand it and explain it.
I can’t find a *room* to rent- even the two leads I got (one I’d got as far as meeting the landlady and roommates and tentatively agreeing) aren’t going to rent the room after all. The going rate for a bedroom in a 3B1ba is over $1000. Where even are we?
I just came out on the other side of home buying. COMISERATION: EVERYWHERE IS TOO EXPENSIVE. Tip: Find a Very Experienced Realtor who really knows your market, knows lenders, knows inspectors, and is successful enough to not pressure you into settling if you are not sold on something. A realtor who knows the Other Important People necessary for this process will save you from SO MANY MIGRAINES. Also, be extra nice to your lender and sometimes they can do MAAAGIC.
It was also helpful to really get to the bare bones of whats important for you and your life partner. In a market this *wildly expensive*, you’re going to have to cut corners somewhere. Looking at blogs like Apartment Therapy and the like are also helpful because they have great design solutions that can assuage a lot of your anxiety (i.e. how to org your clothes w min closet space; how to create an entry way or mud room; how to furnish and style odd corners).
Best of luck!
Ooooohhhh big piles of spring vegetables.
Toasts, how do your gardens grow? MrChouffe and I have started our plant babies for this year. We have three kinds of tomatoes and three kinds of peppers living in a wee greenhouse in the library and it’s so lovely. We will also be planting lettuces in a tray and keeping them on the font porch, we’ll have radishes this year along with spring onions, regular onions, and shallots, and maybe some other direct-plant things later on. And out front we’re tearing up most of the yard and seeding with hummingbird/pollinator wildflower mix.
Tell me all about your plant plans!
Ooh I actually have a question about this. Last year, I started my summer squash indoors in late April/early May, and planted everything on Memorial Day (including tomatoes). It was a risk that paid off, and we enjoyed many squash and tomatoes throughout the summer. It really seemed that the head start we gave them was worth it, unlike in previous years, where it took forever to get eatable veggies. (We grow in containers on our porch — our squash containers are humongous!)
However, this year, I’ll be out of the country for most of May. I don’t want my cat sitter to have to be in charge of watering my seedlings, because she’s got plenty of shit on her plate already and is doing me such a huge favor. Should I just suck it up and buy seedlings when we get back? Would it be too late to start them when we get back? What should I dooooo???
I don’t think it’d be too late, but you’d definitely be pushing back your eatables. :-/
Sigh. You are likely correct. Alternatively I could chance it and plant before we go…. ARGLEFARGLE.
I’d plant some squash before you go and hope for warm weather and rain, and then also plant some more squash seeds when you get back. AND I’d also buy a squash plant or two that will start producing earlier than the late-planted ones to tide you over. I’ve planted squash as late as first week of June and things catch up by fall (and just beg for zucchinis from anyone else you know growing ’em and they’ll be thrilled to give some away). Tomatoes are trickier, since it’s likely too cold to put your starters in the ground before you go. I’d just expect to buy a few plants when you get back.
Have a great time away!
All of that sounds so exciting!
Last weekend I finished pruning the 70+-year-old grapevine in back of our house–now to wait anxiously until the first buds come in. Garlic’s coming up in pots and boxes, and our monster bleeding heart is sending up its first reddish-purple, sea-anemone-like shoots.
I just bought some of those plantable cow-manure pots and I’m going to start some kabocha squash, bitter melon and tomato seedlings indoors, probably next weekend. Was gonna put my peas in this weekend, but snowstorm, so next weekend for that also (also it’s become something of a tradition for my friend to bring her kids, now 6 and 3, over to plant peas with me, and I don’t think they can do it this weekend).
I also want to put in some plants to remediate the soil in an old cold-frame that I scraped down/repainted in the fall–many layers of who-knows-what paint had been falling into it for years. I can look this up too, but if anyone knows good phytoremediation plants (especially ones that can do their thing in partial sun) I would love to hear about them!
Other plant dreams for the summer: lots of greens! Yellow-eye beans and cranberry beans! Trying to inoculate the yard with thyme again (if it doesn’t work this year, I’ll give up)! Seeing if there are native understory plants that might like to grow under our 3 big spruces!
And I might treat myself to a really fragrant rosebush for the front flowerbed.
We did the rosebush treats a couple of years ago and it was a FANTASTIC life choice, would highly recommend.
Well, it’s been snowing here for the last several days, so it’s mostly just planning at this point. However, last weekend when it was sunny and nice out I did see that about 7 of the garlic cloves I planted last fall were sprouting, so there is yet hope!
I am planning on putting another raised bed into the back yard and planting broccoli, tomatoes, carrots, radishes, onions, and either peas or potatoes. I should probably start drawing some things out to see if I can get it all to fit.
“A wee greenhouse in the library” is the perfect setting for a cosy mystery murder. I have a minuscule bit of space in front of my studio that’s currently hosting two potted succulents, a viola and a shamrock (oxalis) plant, but I’m trying to figure out an herb garden and whether it’s possible to grow any more substantial food out there. Maybe in baskets hung above my recycle bins?
I would love to have a real garden but I just have a balcony, though it’s nice and sunny. I bought a dwarf lemon tree and some herbs a couple weeks ago which makes me happy every time I step outside. I’m now plotting ways to squeeze as many plants as possible in, my neighbors put potted tomatoes out last week but I think I might just go for some hard-to find herbs so my balcony smells like magic.
I threw down some grass seed last weekend, it hasn’t sprouted yet, but the roofers came and spread bits of slate and general detritus everywhere, so this weekend I need to go and pick it all out of my flowerbeds.
This happened to meeeeee, all sympathies
I was just outside last night and spied some green in my raised bed- the chives the previous owners threw in there somehow overwintered! I have never been this excited for chives. Planning is slow going for me, I’m extremely nervous to bite off more than I can chew- summer is super busy at work plus this is the first summer I have both an actual place to garden and a lawn to keep track of. I think this summer’s garden will be pretty small- a couple tomato plants, peas, radishes, squash and that’s probably about it.
You’ll have those chives forever! Really!
I am super excited to get several containers of herbs growing! I’ve recently moved several climate zones north, though, and it’s killing me not to plant anything until the fear of frost is passed.
I live in an itty bitty apartment, but my spider plant pip survived another winter, and my lithops are once again dividing! Tiny little signs of spring.
Growing onions seems entirely romantic to me, there is nothing more beautiful than a plump and shiny bulb still on the stalk.
We wintered over onions and shallots this year and they have tiny little green shoots sticking up and it’s VERY EXCITING and I am seriously considering braiding all of them together into some sort of French countryside lifestyle talisman.
A cold snap is hitting us this weekend, but once that’s over I’mma start planting carrots and onions! Nom nom carrots. We have a raised garden bed in the back that hopefully the dog won’t get in to.
OOOH! I have a tomato! and lots of wee tomatoes coming! Thank you to all you green-thumbed toasties who sent me all the wonderful gardening advice.
It has been super wet lately though so I am a little worried they will rot. Fingers crossed for a dry spell!
I’m finally getting an orchid to re-bloom!
I also kept a pepper plant, thyme, rosemary and mint alive inside over the winter. I will try to grow basil and tomatoes, and maybe also lettuces for the first time this year?
the garden is going well! i had started seedlings a few weeks back, and was able to plant kuri squash, pumpkin, green & yellow summer squash, lemon & persian cucumbers in the ground this week. i was having some trouble with critters pulling up my baby seedlings, so i build a little mesh frame to keep them protected. the melons were slow to sprout, but it looks like ogen is coming around. moon & stars watermelon, i might only have 1, so i bought packet of icebox an got them started.
in the meantime, i got a big 4-way hose splitter and set up some drip hoses. i’m hoping this means more effective watering and not getting the leaves wet, causing leaf molds or burn spots. i’m feeling very adult about this setup.
in the non-food arena, i’m happy to see that a few plants i thought weren’t doing so well really used the LA winter to spread out and establish themselves. i’ve got a nice spread of parrots beaks under my front lemon trees that are just starting to flower. i’m working on getting vines to climb up lattices, throwing wildflower seeds here & there, and thinking about filling in spots that edge our patio so it’s surrounded with plants [it’s like a raised patio with retaining walls on 2 sides, and set-in broken concrete, so we set the pieces up to about 18″ from the edges, allowing for a plant border]. i started some silver falls dichondra in some places, and i think it’s time to follow up with more and fill it in. so pretty!
i’m a big fan of oxalis, so i just swung by trader joes to pickup the big green & purple plants they’ve carried leading up to st. patrick’s day. we currently have purple and sunburst in little clusters outside the front door, but never had much green.
i also love euphorbia spurge in all it’s many colors. i got a few different kinds last year, but planted a bit late, and some of it didn’t make it through the heat. we still have a few though and they’re blooming now and i love them!
Can someone give me like a three sentence Gardening 101? Mister Ogres and I just moved into a house, so I have my own tiny yard for the first time (!!!) and I want it to be a lush paradise of flowers and hipster vegetable goodness (realistic goals). I’m relatively capable and used to do garden stuff with my mom when I was a kid, but as an adult I’ve mostly restricted myself to filling the house with potted things which I gleefully refuse to fertilize or water frequently and they do fine because, Darwin. I get the sense that that won’t cut it in the outside world, though.
Where do I start? Should I just do container gardening this year or should I get right into establishing a bed? Should I make a raised bed or can I just fertilize some dirt and go to town? I suspect our yard doesn’t drain that well because it has kind of a dip in the middle. Should I just toss some flower seeds into the one existing flowerbed, hope for the best, and focus on pot-friendly veg?
TEACH ME.
Joining this thread in case anyone has info . . . .
Gardening 101: put stuff in the ground and see if it grows!
US specific Gardening 201: Figure out your USDA hardiness zone, all plants and seeds will be labeled with their zones, buy stuff that matches. Also Google “your state agricultural extension.” Some extensions have tons of info for home growers, some have almost none.
Global gardening 201: Scope out your neighbors, see what they’re growing. Go to a nursery/garden store and find a friendly employee. Local small businesses are better for this than like Home Depot.
Hi I have a weird question that I have been avoiding asking in real life because I don’t want to actually see the judgment in anybody’s eyes:
An amount of time ago that can be measured in months (not, small-blessedly, in years) I locked my (old, not worth very much, but I want it) bike to a pole on a very quiet street with a U-lock. I do not have the key or any way of getting another key (in times gone by I registered with the company like you’re supposed to, but Not This Time.) How do I get my bike??? Help
How sturdy is this lock? Could you cut it or would you need some professional help to do so? Do the people on the street know it’s your bike or will they call the police if they see you removing it?
It is very sturdy 🙂 🙁
As long as you are ok with explaining yourself to any police who show up and have some ID to show them I’d recommend you just try and borrow the largest pair of boltcutters you can and give that a shot. I know someone who did this when they lost their key and they weren’t even approached by the group of policemen nearby, hopefully because they assumed no-one would be that stupid.
Not likely to work on a U-lock. Cable, yes.
A locksmith should be able to help you out, or if there’s an electrical outlet nearby then just rent an angle grinder for an afternoon and go to town on the lock – bolt cutters won’t help you much with a decent u-lock
People in general don’t stop suspected bike theives, and if you explain your situation to a locksmith they’re likely to be understanding. I’ve done this multiple times myself, someone who is stealing a bike is unlikely to spend $50+ on professional assistance. They’ve always given me the benefit of the doubt
yeah this probably varies significantly by skin tone but if you put on a tie or an orange vest nobody looks twice at anything you do.
Ah yes, being a white lady-looking person definitely helps with that.
cordless angle grinder. hacksaw with a good blade’ll do too, but you might be there all day at it.
I second the angle grinder. It’ll take all of about ten seconds. You can probably rent one at Home Depot for an hour! It makes a lot of sparks and it’s really fun.
.. are you the owner of the cyan bike from some beach town i will not disclose on long island? >__> that bike’s been there for ages and I’ve been wondering why the owner abandoned it – it seems like a good bike but its struggling to stay up. poor thing.
if this isn’t you, never you mind. 😀
there are at least as many abandoned bikes slowly rusting on fences and poles out there as there are bikes actually getting ridden. some towns I’ve been in had a lively take-a-penny-leave-a-penny system whereby people’d buy fancy used bikes cheap from police lots, ride them twice, and leave them chained to a rack for six months for the parking cops to recycle back into the system
no I am not, but perhaps the owner is in the same position! I am sending them a good thought this afternoon.
Once i called a locksmith because i locked myself out of my apartment and he drilled open the lock and replaced it without even asking for ID or any proof of residence…
Call a locksmith, maybe have a few pics of you riding the bike or something as evidence, and hope for the best!
Yes this actually also happened to me once with my apartment. But has my lock luck run out?!
Seconding the suggestion of calling a locksmith or renting power tools. I had a bike stolen that had 2 heavy duty ulocks on it so I can confirm they’re definitely cuttable! And I think a locksmith should be able to drill out the lock (and provide a layer of legitimacy that an angle grinder might not).
Seconding the suggestion of having pictures of the bike with you if you have them. Also I strongly recommend registering your bike – I have my bike registered at Bike Index which is helpful if your bike is stolen for recovery (theoretically, it involves someone finding it and reporting it) but also functions as proof of ownership.
Oof, sorry about your bike but thanks for the tips!
Maybe call a decent local bike store and explain your situation? I had a bike store employee cut a lock off my bike after the key broke in it, and he took a lot of glee in showing me how shitty my lock had been, and offering suggestions for a replacement.
My ex-boyfriend bought me a lovely Carradice saddlebag and put a little cable lock between the bag and my saddle rails. Neither of us know where the keys are. Thankfully there are several local shops where people know me AND that bicycle AND my ex-boyfriend, lol.
I think the angle grinder is your answer, and honestly I don’t think anyone will give you any grief. Go in full light and don’t look suspicious.
If you happen to be a white woman, you shouldn’t have a problem: http://everydayfeminism.com/2014/11/three-people-…
Call a locksmith and show them some ID. If anyone has any questions in the future, they’ll be able to find you and ask you so you can clear it up.
Does your city have a policy on how long a bike needs to be left before it’s considered abandoned?
Angle grinder will get that off no problem. It’s the thieves’ tool of choice around here 😀
Car jack. I think.
Do you have photos of yourself and your bicycle? Ones going back a ways on facebook or something? That will help if anyone comes by.
Oh, and for next time – take a picture with you and the serial number of the bike showing, they’re usually stamped on the bottom bracket shell. That functions pretty well as proof of ownership, and also if your bike is ever stolen, you’ll have a better chance of getting it back
Toasties, next week is my spring break, so I want new fanfic to read! Share a fic you’ve been loving here for all of us to enjoy!
Me, I’m re-reading a Matt Murdock/Darcy Lewis no-Powers AU that I adore (and to tide me over while I can’t watch season 2 because SO MUCH WORK TO DOOOO)
OOOH thanks for the link! i’m gonna read that instead of doing all of this filing
Seconding the request for fanfic!
One of my fave fanfic writers (thingswithwings) just announced that she is going to be posting a new multi-chapter MCU Steve Rogers fic titled “Known Associates” starting tomorrow with a chapter per day over the course of 7 days and I am chomping at the bit to read it.
I’m not going to share it, but my 8yo just finished writing a 20 page Harry Potter/Star Wars fanfic. It is hilaribad wish fulfillment, but I am so proud of her for actually completing it. (/endmombrag)
That is adorable, and go you for encouraging your daughter’s creativity *high five*
Please make sure to save it for when she’s grown-up. That is way too awesome for her not to be able to see in the future
Some of my fave fic authors admit to writing terrible self-insert fic as children and/or teenagers. It’s a good start!
I’ve been on a massive Miss Fisher fic kick recently, and have put this one to the top of my favourite’s list: http://archiveofourown.org/works/5444375
Gorgeous, fluffy, case fic at a masquerade ball.
I just read a super-delightful fic over my lunch break. It’s not finished, though, so proceed with caution if you’re not into WIP. “The Tale of Two Mothers”. It’s a Swan Queen fic that runs with a prompt that was on tumblr of “two witches are unknowingly promised the same child, raise it together, and fall in love” or something similar.
I also have an unfinished Jetra fake married fic that I’ve been enjoying. Keep forgetting that it’s not actually what’s happening on the show but whatever.
Oh, wait, actually read the greatest Star Wars fic the other week and cried my way through every chapter. Don’t know if it’s been recommended here yet, but it can’t hurt to share again. “have you heard”
I have ended up on a Kingsmen Fanfic black hole. Like, I’ve already read all of the good stuff. I’ve only watched the movie once. Surely by now, someone has written far more MCU stuff I haven’t read that it fabulous, and yet….. i …. keep…. reading…. Kingsmen… .stuff…..
sigh. maybe links here will be enough to get me out of this rut?
If you’re into Sherlock, splix’s The Green Gown is fucking FANTASTIC. It’s still a WIP and updates are slow but steady (and usually about 10,000 words a pop–she’s already 191,000 words in) and I think she’s only a chapter or two away from the end.
Totally canon-compliant to the first three seasons, but moves on from there. A really dense case fic that’s also slow-burn Johnlock and doesn’t fridge Mary. Lots of people behave terribly for reasons that make sense but also don’t absolve them. I can’t wait until it’s done only so I can read the whole thing in one go!
I already posted this in the link roundup, but I have #noshame today.
Somerton Man enthusiasts/unsolved mystery addicts!!! I know you’re here!
A mystery/conspiracy theory/weird shit/sometimes paranormal podcast is doing a series on the Somerton Man: http://www.astonishinglegends.com/portfolio/ep033…
I highly enjoyed their past series on Amelia Earhart and the Dyatlov Pass hikers.
Here to talk allllll about these or other spooky strange unsolved mysteries.
ALSO even though these are two fan dudes geeking out about quasiscience and stories, they have never once annoyed the crap out of me the way the Radiolab guys do. (Sorry Jad and Robert, I couldn’t deal with another false sounding “WHAT! how incredible!” “yes it really happened!” back and forth. Guys, you’re doing this together. You know what the episode is. This is not a real surprise.)
Ugh, I had to stop listening to Radiolab after the Nicki Minaj episode. They were just too gross and dudely on that one.
And I agree, I really like the guys who do Astonishing Legends (at least for the few episodes I’ve listened to so far).
Super curious but super don’t want to listen… what did they say about Nicki Minaj?
It wasn’t really anything really stark and obvious, they were actually interviewing some radio DJ who had given her crap online for “starships” not being a rap song and how she could do so much better etc etc. And then how her next album was going to be more rap and so that DJ was totally right, blah blah blah. There was some discussion of how he was a white guy telling a black woman what to do and they just sort of ignored how shitty that was. It just left a really bad taste in my mouth.
Also, I really kind of love the Starships song, so there.
I have such a warm place in my heart for “Starships.” It is kind of a dumb song, and I know it. But it reminds me of a really good summer like four years ago and it makes me so happy.
I also love it because of this amazing fanvid that I saw a while ago. It makes me so happy every time I watch it.
Oh cool–will listen to this! I have such mixed feelings about the Somerton Man mystery and other like it. On the one hand, it’s endlessly fascinating, so I want to know every clue, but on the other, I don’t really want it to be solved. Do you have these conflicting feelings about great mysteries, too?
Also, why is Adelaide, Australia is such a hive for unexplained mysteries? (e.g. the Beaumont children, the Family murders).
Totally – in some ways, the mystery is what makes it fun.
The Beaumont children 🙁 Of course these are all sad situations; people were hurt or killed or had some other terrible thing happen to them. But the Beaumont children story is especially upsetting to me.
Yes–should have added the caveat that some mysteries are so so awful, where others are more on the curious side of things (though still tragic) like the Brazilian lead masks case.
Adelaide, murder capital of Australia. A popular theory is that it’s kind of boring there. (Sorry, Adelaidians.)
!!!!!!!!! READY FOR THIS !!!!!!!!!
I stumbled across this t-shirt today: https://www.lookhuman.com/design/91358-my-ideal-w… I will not be buying it, for a whole host of reasons, but I am utterly transfixed.
Enjoying the ‘pot-apocalyptic’ typo in the copy
What would a pot-apocalyse look like, I wonder? I’m picturing lots of people with pots on their heads.
I was imagining a world in which every inch of ground had been covered in cannabis plants and everyone spent their time stoned out of their minds (definitely a dystopian future for me). I think that meshes pretty well with your pots on head vision of the future – those stoners love a good laugh!
That does sound terrible. I do not want a pot-apocalypse to happen!
(My crush on Furiosa is overwhelming. It is a tempting t-shirt.)
*fans self*
It made me all flustered at work.
Anybody here a RuPaul’s Drag Race fan and want to talk about it? This season is great so far!
Yesss I am. I am so happy with this season, I didn’t love the last two, especially season 7, so I thought it was maybe shit for good. But this season is amazing! Kim Chi is just the cutest little (well, 6’4″) snowflake ever, and I also like Chi Chi far more than I was expecting to.
I adore Chi Chi so much! I’m really worried about her getting critiques about her clothes because of comments she’s made about not being able to afford the fancy shit queens like Acid Betty have and it does seem unfair to judge them equally when they don’t have equal resources.
Her clothes seem to be great examples of what they are, though. Remember the bodice detailing on the garbage bag dress she wore in the first episode? And even this week’s dress, while pretty simple, fit well and looked nice. I think her amazing performance skills (lip synching in a straddle headstand!!!) should help carry her through for a good long while.
A competition that is based mostly on what supplies a person can bring will inherently advantage the wealthier participants, but I think the best part of RPDR is that they are tested on so many levels. They do a great job showing just how diverse a skill set you need to make it in drag. I wouldn’t watch if it was simply who could buy the prettiest outfit. So while I do hate when a contestant gets ripped for a “cheap” outfit or wig, they do have plenty of opportunities to shine in the singing, dancing, stand up, lip sync, sewing, make up, modeling, improv, reading, arts and crafts, etc. parts of the competition.
Yes! I think the other queens were quick to write off ChiChi but she is very talented. And I love how honest she was about not having as nice clothes. She knew it and she didn’t try and get offended or arrogant, she accepted it and admired the other queens. I really do wish they’d let her go shopping…
…something about her is just very genuine, I think. Which I like!
It’s killing me that after letting me watch the first episode online without a login, now Logo is demanding one for the second episode. I adored Bob the Drag Queen and Kim Chi in the first episodeeeee!
Yeah it’s kind of a shitty move of them to require people to have cable to stream it. I want them to have money and I actually pay extra for a fancier cable package just for this show, but that’s because I can afford to and a lot of Drag Race fans can’t! It seems cruel to deprive them.
SAME. I moved down a cable tier last year and I guess I don’t get Logo anymore. So bummed.
It’s really annoying. :/ You can, however, purchase it on iTunes for like $18 for the whole season, which seems reasonable to me, especially given the quality of this year’s queens. It’s certainly cheaper than adding Logo to my cable package just for this one show. Plus, now I don’t have to watch the (terrible, repetitive) ads.
I am loving this season so far! My favs so far are Bob and Kim Chi, but Thorgy Thor and Cynthia Lee Fontaine are quickly endearing themselves to me.
Still drives me nuts that there are queens on SEASON EIGHT who haven’t bothered to take a sewing lesson. It’s on the same level of willful ignorance as not having at least two Snatch Game impersonations ready to go.
Oh yeah, that alone was reason enough to eliminate Naysha! Also never having sown anything before was no excuse for that hideous corset.
OMG YES. Queens, if you’re gonna be on Drag Race, learn some sewing basics! You don’t gotta be a seamstress, just know enough to fudge your way down the dang runway! All queens should arrive with basic sewing skills, one if not two SOLID Snatch Game characters (not a look, a CHARACTER), and the ability to understand a dance count.
Yes to this! As soon as you find out you’re going to be on Drag Race, you need to brush on basic sewing, dancing, and singing, at the very least. It would also help to be able to do makeup on people’s faces that aren’t the same shade as yours for that makeover challenge they always have. (Like, I adore Kim Chi, but why wouldn’t she take dance lessons before coming onto the show?)
I don’t expect every queen to come in as a perfect all-around competitor. Some of the greatness of the show is watching unpolished queens perfect their game on the show. However, if the show has been on this long and you haven’t figured out that there’s certain skills they are definitely gonna demand of you, then what the heck.
I do love that Kim got the excellent advice to play up her character to compensate for her lack of dancing skills. I thought she did a great job, which is promising because she came in with NO performance skills/experience and like, gurl, this whole genre is about performance! She desperately needs to develop a better runway walk, too.
It just seems either stupid or arrogant not to learn the basics? You’re GONNA have a sewing challenge. Are you really here to win? Then you need to learn!
Yes! I am here for Bob and Kim Chi, but Thorgy Thor and Cynthia are quickly growing on my list. Cynthia is just HYSTERICAL and seems like one of the queens who found her quirky character just spot on — sometimes those PERSONALITY queens can be offputting or not genuine, but when they hit the note just right, they are so fun to watch.
Thorgy Thor seems like so much fun! And like she is just here for the fun and performance. I also really love her Cooky Eighties Aunt aesthetic.
YES, I like this season so much more than the last one, which I couldn’t even finish. Kim Chi is my fave but I’m a little worried she won’t do well in snatch game or other acting things because her (amazing) look is her strongest quality. I also love Bob and Thorgy seems really nice.
Thorgy reminds me of a slightly more sane Tammie Brown crossed with a way more polished Milk. I wasn’t sure about her in the first episode but I really liked her this week!
Kim Chi is funny though, so I don’t imagine she’ll win Snatch Game but she’ll probably make it through.
This season just seems soooo much better than the last one right off the bat. The queens are fun and engaging with a range of looks/personalities. We’ve already got a good couple of story lines of queens with some skills who are upping their game (Chi Chi refining her act, Kim Chi learning to perform). Bob the Drag Queen in great as the “kinda salty but with a heart of gold” queen so far. I do have to say, tho, that if Acid Betty leans on the “mean” queen schick too hard it’s gonna get real old. As Thorgy pointed out, she’s coming off as a total asshole instead of just a bitchy queen.
I am LIVING for this season. I’m a HUGE Rupaul and drag race fan. I even loved last season, although I agree it wasn’t great and SENDING TRIXIE HOME OVER PEARL WTF (not over it yet, in case you can’t tell). It did have Katya though, shining light that she is. But this season is already KILLING IT. So many talented queens, the challenges are good, and this week’s elimination?! GIRL I FELL OUT.
God I love camp. Straight culture is just so boring in comparison. Also, who wants to ask me about the feminist linguistics paper I wrote about the use of feminine language on the show (and my regrets that I wrote it before the controversy over She-Mail)?
You can always write post-“She-Mail” controversy addendum about how trans awareness has made a difference in show lingo.
I once joked that I was going to write a scholarly paper about the show called “Mulvey’s Legendary Children: The Male Gaze Meets the Male Gays on RuPaul’s Drag Race” so yes, I would like to hear about your paper!
But I am still really traumatized by the She-Mail controversy and the war between drag queens and trans women it sparked and can’t think about it without getting really bummed out.
LOVED Katya. So much. Words are insufficient.
Are they not letting people watch it on the Logo website anymore? I watched the first epsiode but when I went to look on Thursday, the second one was locked 🙁 I’m disappointed, because I want to watch it legally and because this season is already soo so much funnier than S7.
If you don’t mind paying for it, it is available on iTunes for something like $18. It’s cheaper than trying to add Logo to your cable subscription just for Drag Race, anyway. It is really annoying that they’ve decided to lock them up this year. 🙁
KIM CHI IS A CINNAMON ROLL. Her looks are sooooooo gorgeous & I sympathize for the utter lack of dance moves, but she is funny & quirky & I just want to pet her & tell her that she’s the best.
Bob the Drag Queen really pulled it out in the last ep & is kind of filling that Bianca role which I appreciate so much. For the first time ever though, I’m not liking most of the white queens?????? Acid Betty is so boring with her faux pretention & let’s be real, Sharon Needles did all of whatever she’s doing first and better. The others are unremarkable, except whats-her-face who is the Britney impersonator who FREAKS ME OUT I mean it’s BRITNEY I can’t look at her and think I’m seeing anyone other than Britney! HOWWWWWWW
Just here to say I am a HUGE Drag Race fan (my friend and I went to the Chad Michaels Christmas show in NYC this year, and it was kinda too loud for me but it was fun) and I am up for discussions of past seasons.
I have not watched season 8, however. My friend and I have a tradition (because I found out about the show late) where he watches the season as it airs and then once it’s over we binge watch it together, and he gauges my reactions since he knows what’s coming. It’s a good system. We laugh so hard.
Anyone else excited about High-Rise? I’m going to see it on Sunday. All the reviews that hate it seem to hate it on the basis of things I love (there’s no real plot, it’s really heavily stylised etc.) so I think I’m going to have a good time. Then I’m going to go ahead and read the book. Has anyone read it before? Any opinions?
I HATED the book with a burning fiery hatred, I couldn’t even make it halfway through. I remember it being horribly graphic with some animal cruelty that just gave me the horrors. I am a bit gutted I can’t go and see more Hiddles.
Animal cruelty in fiction doesn’t really bother me so that sounds fine.
My friend told me about it with the description “It’s like Snowpiercer but vertical.”
I am a simple woman of simple needs so the only thing I care about is naked Tom Hiddleston. Totally with you on style-over-plot, but I dislike gaping plot holes so I do have limits. I’m really excited to see it either way!
oooh! I loved Snowpiercer, so that description alone might get me to go see it…
I’m seeing it on Sunday too! I’m also excited to see it! I did like the book a lot – I read it a few years ago whilst living in a brutalist high rise tower block near Canary Wharf though, so that probably influenced my reading…
I’m going to see it with my friend who grew up in the Barbican, which was directly one of the inspirations for the look of the thing, so I’m looking forward to finding out how she feels about it.
Were you in Balfron Tower by any chance?
Yes. It was the only flat in the whole of London I could afford in 2009. Which, as flats go was pretty good but having my bedroom overlooking the A12 is not something I miss in the slightest.
Well, you can imagine my feelings on it.
Heavily stylized and no real plot is a-ok as long as it’s pretty, so I’ll be fine. I haven’t read it, but I know someone who did and she said it’s pretty grim. Which I’m also fine with as long as it’s pretty.
Ha! I knew you’d turn up with a gif. Yeah maybe the film is more palatable because it’s pretty? Which raises a lot of questions about the aesthetics of violence, but this is not my last year of uni so we’ll leave that for now.
I am absolutely tortured that I don’t want to go and see it. 🙁
I mean I’m not gonna rush out and see it? It’s definitely a wait for DVD. So yeah, I understand your sadness at not being hyped.
I saw the movie at TIFF (which meant Ben Wheatley, Tom Hiddleston, and Elisabeth Moss were there to do a Q&A, eeee). I also love heavy stylisation and weird plotless stuff, but unfortunately I was not 100% in love with this particular one. Tom Hiddleston is fantastic and dances all sexy, so that’s great, but overall it felt really directionless. (I know that seems to contradict me liking plotless stuff, but I still like having some stuff to latch on to. The movie kept raising fascinating stuff, like, are the American dream/nuclear family/modernization horrifying? But then not doing anything with it.) I think it needed a recut—felt like an editing problem. But maybe it has been recut since playing at festivals?
In conclusion, you should still be excited to see it! I enjoyed watching it and I had fun talking about it afterwards, even if I had some problems with the film overall.
Thanks for your input, that all seems worth bearing in mind.
I appreciate your sharing those notes, thank you! That’ll definitely help me prepare for how to watch it.
I also saw the movie and agree with most of your points!
It has not been recut.
I wasn’t fully taken with the film, but it certainly brings up some interesting themes, and Hiddlefans will have plenty to gawk at.
It’ll be out here in the US in May so get excited people!
I love JG Ballard but have not read this particular one.
What did you think? I loved it – I liked the stylisation and the 70s vibe and also found it really funny! I really laughed when the little boy asked Tom H why he didn’t have a family or something like that, and Tom H replied, “I don’t know. Why don’t you have a Dad?”
I absolutely loved it as it goes. I loved the fact there’s nothing to hang onto – there’s no slow descent into chaos, it just happens and suddenly everything’s fucked. A lot of the criticism I’ve seen levelled at it is like ‘Well is this a satire on capitalism? Is it about class?’ etc. and it kind of is, but it’s not looking to convey any particular message and I think that’s what some people are looking for. It’s more an experience of mass psychosis created by that environment. I loved that at a certain point, it just keeps going and going and going – more parties, and fucking, and scavenging and violence with no further progression so it just becomes monotonous and sickening. For my own art, I’m really interested in that point of extreme discomfort and overload and I think the film got it really well.
I also thought it was really funny, and yeah that bit you mention was great. Another great bit was after he’s painted his flat having nearly killed that guy for the paint and then Helen comes round and suddenly he’s just like ‘Helen, come in’ being really polite and normal.
I completely agree – it was more about the crazy descent into chaos. The Thatcher soundbite at the end almost brought it back to political satire somehow but then it was such a surreal scene with the giant high chair and bubbles I had no idea what it was actually trying to say and was fine with that.
Another bit that made me laugh was his interaction with the secretary woman in the hospital. “Everyone else has already submitted apart from you, procrastinating as usual. What will it be?” “Hmmm. Cheese and pickle.” And then the look she gives him was perfect.
Okay, dating is doing my head in, but in a really exciting way. So last week I talked about a dude who had just flaked really unexpectedly. THAT NIGHT after I got back from bartending, I matched with a dude on Tinder that I met this time last year and have had a crush on ever since. We hung out Wednesday and chatting is going well and I’m cautiously optimistic. Our timing has always been mega terrible and now we might actually have a chance to see if we’d work.
Also, work at the bar is going well (I’m finally getting into a good rhythm with the work-to-eavesdropping ratio) and I’m applying for other jobs, too, and I’m moved in with my friends and I’m just really, really happy.
I’m excited for you! All good things!
I had a Bumble date last night that went really well, and I feel more sure about her than I have about any of the Bumble dudes I’ve been out with so I’m gonna run with it.
I would love to work at a bar for the eavesdropping potential alone.
I’ve heard really good things about Bumble, keeping my fingers crossed for you.
(I’m more excited than I want to be about this guy – it’s really been the most ridiculous situation and oh my goodness seeing him on Wednesday felt so good.)
Bartending is amazing for eavesdropping! I work in a beer bar, so especially during the week the dudes that come in with their friends are generally super adorable. There are a few jerks, but the nice thing about this place is I can kind of be a jerk? “Hey, you buying something? No? Then I have better places to me. I’ll come back over when you get manners.” It’s kind of cool.
What has your experience with messages been on Bumble? I rarely hear back from guys (and have not met anyone in person–I did get close to making coffee plans with one guy but he flaked when I tried to pin down a specific date) and it’s really putting a damper on my self-esteem atm.
Don’t let that get you down! Me and my friends have complained about not hearing back from dudes on Bumble, so it’s def not just you. It’s strange to match with people and make the first move and still get radio silence, but I have come to the conclusion that the vast major guys are terrible flakes, unfortunately. I still like this app better than the others so I’m gonna stick with it for a bit.
The hardest part initially was the self-questioning and wondering if my opening lines were weird or unfunny or off-putting somehow, but I’ve tried various different approaches and I’ve come to the conclusion that the only possible foolproof way to get a response back might be to talk like a phone sex operator, and even that might not work (not that I’m going to try).
I’m going to keep up with it, but it’s frustrating. Oh and of course my cousin just told me he’s been dating a woman for months that he met on Tinder. I think these things are probably easier for genuinely good guys (not “nice” guys, blegh), because they’re a rarer commodity.
Attention dog-owning Toasties!! The time has finally come for me to join your ranks! My partner and I are going to adopt a dog next month, and I’d love some recommendations from you for good books on care, nutrition, and training. Having grown up around dogs and horses I wouldn’t call myself a beginner, but this will be my first dog of my very own, so I would like to fill in the gaps in my knowledge about what to expect. Aside from books, I’d also love it if you could share the things you wish you’d known or done before bringing your new friend home! We’ve come up with a list of things we need to do to prepare (get better trashcans, make sure the houseplants aren’t poisonous, etc.) but it’d be great to get the perspective of someone people who have been through it all already.
Just some overall info, in case it helps: we’re not looking to get a puppy; we’d like a dog that’s 1 to 3 years old. We’ve got our eye on three rescues to check out, one a general rescue and two breed-specific (Labs and Greyhounds). My partner is a runner and I’m a biker, so we’d like to take the dog out with us often for exercise. We have no other pets, and my partner works from home so dog won’t be alone during the day.
I’m so excited to benefit from your collective wisdom; you’ve never steered me wrong before!!!
You sound like you are already prepared to be an excellent dog parent! Congratulations!!!
Thank you! I am EXTREMELY excited!!
You sound like you’re going to be an amazing home for some lucky dog! One thing I found helpful that we took really seriously with our first dog and less seriously with our second, was to establish a really set routine: food and walks at the same times every day. She seemed to really like that structure! Also, this is premature, but make sure you’ve addressed everything you want to in Dog 1’s training before adding Dog 2.
Thank you!!! I am lucky enough to be with a dude who loves getting up early for some reason, so I’m excited to let him establish a nice morning routine with the dog and then I can get up later and reap the benefits (aka playing and cuddling). I can’t imagine we’ll stick with just one dog forever, so your premature advice is very warranted! Thank you!!
Yeah, once you’ve gotten past the first getting a dog hurdle, a second seems like such a reasonable decision!! I’m excited for you!
I have a beautiful and very sweet rescue greyhound. They are amazing dogs but some of them (mine included) don’t like to be cuddled at all. Some love it and will sprawl all over you, but it’s not a given. Mine likes to be pet a bit, in certain ways and at certain times, and I’ve gotten better at reading and respecting her needs in that area. She spends so much of the day gazing lovingly at me and it is amazing, but she mostly likes her space. It also took us a long time to teach her to play.
I’d recommend looking at the Never Say Never Grehound site and at other breed specific books and sites. Sometimes I think general dog advice makes no sense for greyhounds, who are spiritually at least 37% cat.
This is great info, thanks! I always knew that greyhounds were pretty cat-like, which is part of the reason they appeal to me. I, too, like to lounge! I will check out the website you suggested, and thank you so much for sharing your experience!
The routine thing is great, we have controlled food at pretty much the same time every day.
We definitely didn’t do that last part with our 2 dogs and it shows, though honestly I don’t know that there is much more we could have done with dog 1 (and he has mellowed a bit on his own).
I really like dog parks. The ones where you can walk, not where everyone is all bunched up. It is a great way for the dogs to socialize, with other dogs, and humans. It is also a great way to find other like minded people, and talk about dog behavior, and any problems you might be having.
Yes! I can’t wait to go to the dog park! We’re lucky enough to live close to a pretty big one. Dog friends! People friends! Yay!!
Seconding the dog park recommendation! So good for socialization.
Two little bits of advice for introducing a new dog to a dog park:
— Try going when it’s quiet — like, during a week day or later at night, so the dog doesn’t get overwhelmed by other dogs
— Use the dog park to really work on their recall — if you can get their recall down, life becomes 100% easier
That’s a really good point about the recall, especially since we don’t have a fenced yard, so the dog park will probably be the best place to work on that. Thank you!
Greyhound. Can live without a long walk every day, is mellow, will sleep through long days alone.
Keep your dog socialized to other dogs. If your walk route doesn’t have lots of dogs, go to dog parks etc.
I always recommend the works of Patricia McConnell to new dog people. She has an excellent blend of personal experience and actual dog psychology science.
Also, greyhounds rule!
I’ll look her up! Thanks very much!
Read this: http://dogsensebook.com/ It’s not about training per se (although they do promote it that way somewhat) but you will learn so much about dogs! For instance, coolest random thing I picked up: dogs know when it’s time to eat because they can still smell the last meal they had and when the scent gets faint it’s that time. CONGRATULATIONS on doggie parenting — they are the absolute best companions!!!
Thank you! I’ll check this book out for sure!
If you want an exercise buddy, the greyhound might not be the best choice. They are sprinters, so one run/walk a day is all they really want, and they sleep for roughly 23 hours. I don’t have one myself but I know people who do.
I feel kind of bad for saying this, because I love my stupid dog, but you probably want to steer away from dogs that seem like they have fear or anxiety issues. This is hard to do in a shelter because most of them will be wigged out from being there. Absolutely you could handle it, but it just makes everything harder.
My dog is really fearful and a few months after we got here she was less obviously scared all the time, but became fear-aggressive whenever she felt threatened which is super fun. My mail carrier actually hid behind a tree recently when we were out for a walk because the dog is such a monster when people come to the door.
Labs tend to be really good-natured and friendly. I think those are very good qualities for a first dog, so I would say go in that direction. I’ve never met a monster lab and I spend a lot of time in dog parks.
Thanks for your reply! You make a great point about anxiety/fearfulness. Certainly my partner and I are a bit wary of this since it’s our first time adopting; it’s easy to feel like you might end up with a different dog than you thought you were getting? Hopefully if we screen the rescues really well we can feel confident that we won’t be signing up for a dog that’s got more issues than we can handle. I am kinda leaning toward the Lab rescue because from what I’ve read they do a ton of work with the dogs while they’re in foster, which I think speaks really positively to the whole organization. I LOVE greyhounds but if we got one it would be straight off the track and that may be too much, too soon for us.
Make sure you have at least one non-garage room in your house that you can confine your dog to if need be (guests, day trips, thunderstorm scares, etc) and be relatively sure she won’t tear anything important to shreds in your absence. I used to live in a house with dog gates all around the (large) kitchen, which was ideal.
Great point! We do have such a room, but there’s probably more I could do to make it dog-proof. Adding that to the list!
This is so awesome! Dogs are the best and I know mine has made me a happier and better person. I want to help you get advice, but I really don’t know of any resources specifically. When I got my dog (more than 10 years ago now) it was totally unplanned and I’d never had a dog before (he showed up on my doorstep, literally, and it was love). You learn a lot, really quickly, just through trial and error and experience.
However, I would definitely recommend taking your new buddy to a training/obedience class. I think these classes are as much, if not more, for you than your dog. I really didn’t know anything about how training works, like how to create an incentive for your dog and then reinforce it with the right behavior, when I first had him. It took me a while to learn and if I’d known it from the start I think I would have a much better behaved dog now! This is really thrown into stark contrast for me when I see my bf (who has lived with me and my dog for 2 years now) totally piss the bed on training. It is not a huge deal to me, but actually sort of hilarious when I have to tell him, still, “don’t give him the treat if he didn’t do the thing! If you give him the treat no matter what he didn’t learn anything!”
I think no matter how many books you read, you will still have a lot to learn! Not just about having a dog, but about YOUR dog. It is such a fun and beautiful process. After having my dog for 10 years I can totally anticipate his reactions and know what he is thinking, but he still manages to surprise and delight me regularly. Best of luck! It is going to be awesome.
This is such a lovely comment, thank you! The process of my partner and I getting to know the dog and all of us becoming a family is the thing I’m looking forward to the most! Obedience classes are a great idea; I’ll look up and see what’s offered in our area. I think I have a good idea of how to do The Trainings, but it would be great to have a professional back me up and/or put me in my place.
It sounds like you and your bf and your dog all have a good thing going; I hope to be like you when I grow up!
Seconding formal training. I had some behavioral issues with my puppy-becoming-bigger-puppy and the professional trainer I had helped with that as well as the standard basics. It’s also a good place to work on socialization with the other “students”. I learned a ton. And my dog still (5 years later) cannot contain herself when we go into Petco because she loved the class so dramatically.
I’ve had dogs my whole life, mostly rescues. Current dogs are a golden doodle I got from a rescue when she was 9 months old who had only been chained alone in a yard, and a golden retriever who was about 1 and 1/2. The doodle was absolutely terrified when I got her and wouldn’t come out of her kennel for days. I had to carry her down the steps to the back yard. But we left her kennel door open, and she gradually started coming out and learned how to go up and down steps. She also turned into a completely different dog, once she realized she was in a safe place. She is very loving, but also very excitable. Her kennel is her safe place. The golden retriever is just like all goldens. Calm, lovable, gentle. He doesn’t need a kennel for a safe place but he does sleep in it at night. I never kenneled dogs before I had these too, and I have to say I would never do it another way. I love that they have these “dens” that they like to go in that feel like safe spaces for them (such as when we have thunderstorms or fireworks), but that we can also shut them in if we are worried about them being out loose in the house, or if we need to shut them off from other people or animals. Good luck. Dogs are awesome.
ohhh my god
how am I going to survive the rest of the election season at work, you guys
please come rescue me, or if you can’t do that, tell me what song you’ve been listening to on repeat to drown people out? mine is “I’ve Seen Footage” by Death Grips.
I don’t know, but if I survive I’ll try and come back for you. (actually things got a lot better after I told my very-vocal co-worker that I like Hilary lots, but she’s a really great person who is one of the only people I’ve ever spent time with you will take a Devil’s Advocate position in a discussion to learn things. And then she will change her mind. She’s kind of amazing that way. so that’s not an option for everyone.)
Cloudland Canyon
<iframe width=”420″ height=”315″ src=”https://www.youtube.com/embed/tTOu2gn6sHs” frameborder=”0″ allowfullscreen></iframe>
and Cankun
<iframe style=”border: 0; width: 100%; height: 42px;” src=”https://bandcamp.com/EmbeddedPlayer/album=2235485460/size=small/bgcol=ffffff/linkcol=0687f5/track=2271967211/transparent=true/” seamless>Only the Sun is Full of Gold by Cankun</iframe>
I feeeeeel you. And I can’t even put headphones in. I have to just sit here and either seethe silently, or get in daily fights with bigots.
Toast hivemind! I need your brunch recipes!
I am hosting a book club meeting in April and due to scheduling issues it’s ending up as a brunch meeting so I have to provide something of substance rather than the normal snacks. I’m planning scones with jam/clotted cream, choux pastry stuffed with herbed goat cheese, some sort of fruit salad, but I need at least one or two more ideas that are both gluten free and vegetarian. Other than a frittata I am coming up blank on what I can do. Any and all recipes/suggestions are welcome!
Corn chips and guacamole/salsa? (Suggests the woman who ate nearly two avocados worth of guac for dinner last night.)
Hummus or white bean dip and GF chips +/or crudités, easy to make or buy in advance.
Shakshuka! It’s super delicious and super healthy and super easy. It says serve with bread, but you don’t have to.
http://smittenkitchen.com/blog/2010/04/shakshuka/
Shakshuka is the best!
What about potatoes? You can do hashbrowns! Or, one time I brought scalloped potatoes to a brunch; you can do cheesy, or another kind of sauce tailored to pretty much any theme.
Oh my gosh yes! I didn’t even think about that–a cheese hash brown thing or scalloped potatoes would be simple and a great gluten free way to up the carb offerings.
Hashbrown casserole! Best of all worlds.
I made this for a brunch a month or so ago and it was quite tasty. The only fiddly bit is making sure you don’t overcook the eggs.
Yes yes yes! This is pretty much perfect–one pan, plenty of protein, and packed with veggies. You know, I looked at Smitten Kitchen first and somehow I completely missed this recipe. Thank you!
I ran across a very similar recipe on Budget Bytes the other day: http://www.budgetbytes.com/2014/05/baked-eggs-spi…
She’s also got many baked oatmeal recipes. GF oats are available at most big stores.
That sounds AMAZING!
One of my regular dinner party guests has celiac, and always appreciates something a little indulgent. Immaculata baking company sells great pre-made gluten-free pie crusts, so you can easily turn your frittata into a quiche if you’d like.
Fruit salad is good, as is green salad! I really like baked or roasted fruit, especially with whipped cream.
Hashbrowns, roasted potatoes, or latkes are all delicious things that are naturally vegetarian and gluten-free (you may need a pinch of GF flour or cornstarch to get the latkes to hold together).
“Other than a frittata” she said, as if frittatas are not the most perfect food.
I like the potato idea. We also do frito pie, which is basically build your own bowl. Start with corn chips and/or greens, add beans, rice, meat, onions, tomatoes, cilantro, sour cream, fore mentioned guacamole, etc. The best part is that everyone adds what they want, so vegetarians, vegans, lactose intolerant all have a say as to what they get.
I present to you: totchos http://allrecipes.com/recipe/240791/totchos-libre…
Also good is chilaquiles, which can be gluten- and meat-free. I like to make mine with chicken. http://allrecipes.com/recipe/45729/chilaquiles-ii…
This smoky frittata recipe from Ottolenghi: http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2007/feb/…
It’s not gluten free, but this is an excellent galette from Bon Appetit–serves four, but you could double it. Definitely add the honey: http://www.bonappetit.com/recipe/goat-cheese-leek…
I’m a big fan of Cookie + Kate. She usually notes how to make recipes gluten-free: http://cookieandkate.com/category/food-recipes/br…
Seconding the shakshuka idea above!
Deviled eggs! Veg/GF, and you can eat them one-handed while holding a book or a mimosa or something with the other.
Check to see if your bakery has vegan buns or muffins or whatever. If you have the budge for it, Earth Balance is a good vegan margarine. Hash browns are tasty but crappy when served cold.
Also, double-check to make sure there’s no vegans–it would suck to show up and only be able to eat fruit salad. (Especially since, personally, I really dislike melons, and they’re always in fruit salad!)
Maybe a version of this breakfast casserole with gluten free bread and bell peppers instead of sausage.
http://www.epicurious.com/recipes/food/views/chee…
Goals for the weekend:
a of all) stop coughing
2) get my crap together and finish my presentation paper for next week
Thirdly) STOP. EFFING. COUGHING.
That thing going around this year is the most lingering pain in the butt. I hope it passes soon.
The lingering THE LINGERING. Gawd, just when I think it’s ready to be over it just…lingers like a stale fart. I’m over it.
Coughing is the worst. I upgraded my dislike after reading that it’s not even a very useful reflex for preventing illness, but is in fact often hijacked by the germs themselves to get us to spread them all around the air. So, gross and painful!
Co-signed on the stop coughing, with a side of “cease expelling green goo every 30 minutes”.
Oh, I’ve got the green goo. And I’m entirely over it.
I am coughing and am feeling completely stoned on cold meds right now, so 100% behind you on this stop coughing thing.
Trying to finish writing while wacked-out on cold medicine: story of my life
saaaame, uuuuugh *cough, hack*
Sometimes if I do a quiet, low-key humming, it keeps me from coughing. It’s hard to know whether the coughing or humming is more annoying for my coworkers, but I’m tired of coughing, so they get humming.
It hit me yesterday. I promised myself I’d stay in bed all day today, but Netflix turned in to Twitter turned into Google Drive turned into getting a bunch of shit done anyways.
How do you feel about having four names?
When my husband and I got married, we both kept our names. They’re both too long to reasonably hyphenate (mine’s a mouthful all on it’s own). Now that kids are on the way, hyphenating is still out, but I’ve been floating the idea of giving them my last name as a second middle name. So it would look like FirstName MiddleName MyLastName HisLastName. I figure they can later drop whatever part of the name they feel like. For example, I don’t use my middle name on credit cards. But is it too much? What do you think?
Go for it, it’ll sound so fancy and they’ll mostly use only their first and last names anyway.
My wife and I went with FirstName HerLastName MyLastName, which is what her parents did as well. I regretted a little bit not giving our little guy an independent middle name, too, but given the length of HerLastName and MyLastName, we just thought it would be too much.
This reminds me of that Demetri Martin joke: I was having lunch with my friend. I said, ‘Hey, what’s your middle name.’ He said, ‘I have two middle names.’ I said, ‘Then you have no middle names. You have a space.’
My mom’s last name is my middle name and I like it! It doesn’t solve patriarchy or anything, but its simple. And I don’t really see why people need two first names. Its like having a second couch with plastic on it. Or at least I’ve never noticed a lack.
I have four names! Mine is FirstName MiddleName MaidenName LastName. I haven’t had any troubles whatsoever. It helps that the names are fairly short (all 1-2 syllables), and my middle initials are the same letter so there’s no confusion on forms where they’ll only take one initial. Having a long name is kind of fun, in an I’m An Old-Timey Queen With Many Titles way.
I don’t think it’s that unusual. My husband and I are going to give our kids two middle names (one English, one from his culture) and it seems to be very common from what I see around me (in Canada). They can always drop one, but I don’t feel it’s a big deal.
That is what I did to my kid. She has only learned her first name so far, so i’ve no idea how she feels about it though.
ETA: I assume my name will eb the one that gets dropped, but I do feel better for having put it there anyway.
Yeah, I figure my name will be the one getting dropped, too. But at least the option is there
I have four names (but that’s because my parents just gave me and my siblings three FirstName names) and it works totally fine! It also works well in a pinch during those icebreakers where you have to tell something interesting about yourself (and as a kid it made me feel special and ~unique~ to have a non-standard number of names). I do exactly as you say: drop one of my names for things where it isn’t necessary and may not fit. It honestly has never been any sort of issue for me or my siblings.
I think it’s perfect.
We gave my son four names! I hyphenated when we got married, and while I love my married name it is admittedly a bit of a hassle. Four names has not been as huge a deal – most forms default to only FirstName FirstMiddle HisLastName, but I know MyLastName is in the mix and I like the flow of it all.
I have had 4 names since birth and I think it’s pretty awesome. My drivers license does look a bit weird because there’s not room for both my middle names, but that hasn’t ever bothered me.
My cute little brother (he’s 21) has two middle names and I don’t think it’s ever been an issue!
I’m giving my baby that’s due in 6 weeks four names: Firstname Chinesemiddlename Englishmiddlename MySurname. The Chinesemiddename starts with an X in English so her initials are going to be awesome. To be honest, I would probably just prefer Firstname Chinesemiddlename MySurname as it’s less of a mouthful, but she’ll be 1/4 Chinese from me and so I like that one of her four names will be Chinese? As it makes mathematical sense to me?
MrSmee is pro-only-the-woman surname, which is nice. But it gets a bit tedious explaining that no, he doesn’t mind, and no, I haven’t bullied him into it, and no, he doesn’t feel emasculated.
It will probably make your children sound like Jeeves & Wooster characters, and who wouldn’t want that? Go for it.
My friend’s kids have four names, in the exact configuration you describe. I’m pretty sure her last name usually gets dropped on forms and such, but it is there in their legal names.
I have 4 middle names, same setup. I like it well enough; I like having my mom’s name as a part of mine, especially since she kept her last name. There were a few forms that got screwy when I was a kid and didn’t know what I was doing, but it all turned out okay. Oh, and I had to get a 2nd birth certificate because apparently the first one had me with 2 last names instead of 2 middle. Found that out when I was 16 and trying to get a driver’s license. Ultimately the thing that gives me the most grief on forms is not being able to check multiple ethnicity boxes, so the names thing is pretty small potatoes.
Oh, and I am infinitely glad my parents spared me a hyphen.
Depending which government agency you ask, I have 6 to 7 names all together. (Firstname middlename middlename middlename, fatherslastname mothermaidenname mothersmarriedname)
It took me awhile to learn them all as a kid (also spellings are strange in some cases.), and I used most of my middle names as my first name at different times; but generally I’ve always gone by Firstname MothersMaidenName, and on official stuff I have my first middlename in there too. (Mothers husband was not my father and they were long separated, but because divorce was illegal in Ireland when I was born, they were still technically married and she still carried his last name on official records, and therefore I automatically got it in some government systems)
My brother and his partner also gave their kids her last name as a middle name so that they have it somewhere, although they didn’t go for any regular middle names for some reason (I think kids should have options as they grow up, I liked having them)
I have a friend who has done this with her two sons: her maiden is the second middle name for both boys. Everyone–*everyone*, her family, his family, her HUSBAND–forgets that the boys have two middle names. They just ignore her name altogether. Like, she reminds them, they say “oh yeah”, and then ignore it again.
On the other hand, my brother has two middle names and we always used both.
I was given four names when I was born! First Middle Dad’sMother’sMaiden Dad’sLastName (my mum has had some family estrangement and didn’t care). My brother is the same. I use my middle name a lot, because it is very strange and great, but the third one I usually forget about.
I have four names. It’s a pill on forms that only allow one initial and I have to pick my favorite one. Also the names they chose make me sound very, very Southern, but unlike some of my parents other weird parental decisions, it’s not negatively affected my life.
Do it! The kid just gets a nice fancy name. Also, using the mother’s last name as a middle name has always been fairly common, enough so that I don’t think anyone would bat an eye at it. (My grandfather’s parents couldn’t decide on names, so he got stuck with “First Name” “Middle Name 1” “Middle Name 2” “Mother’s Maiden Name” “Father’s Last Name”. That was a lot.)
I wish I’d done this with my daughter’s name. Go for it!
My kid has five names – Firstname, Middlename, Secretmiddlename, Hislastname, Mylastname. My husband was more than happy to drop his name from the mix, but I was all, oh no, this baby will be clearly labeled as your problem too and I do not care if that results in an absurd number of names. The secret middle name has deep importance to me/husband, which is something I look forward to sharing with her, but I don’t expect that she’ll actually use it much and we don’t include it when people ask her name (because it’s a secret!). Ultimately, like you, I figure she can make whatever choice she’d like about which parts to keep or drop, but at 15 months, she’s pretty much just Firstname Mylastname to the world at large and that’s working out fine.
Can I ask why you picked a Secretmiddlename? I like this idea a lot and I’m fascinated by someone having a secret middle name. Can you actually get away with nobody seeing this in documents (if it’s part of the kid’s legal name)?
There may have been some hormones involved, but the name was almost TOO meaningful to me to be easily shared. The origin story could be considered a little silly (there is a dead pet involved) and I think I just got preemptively crabby about having to defend it. So giving it to my daughter was really important, but somewhere along the line I started thinking of it as her “secret” or “power” name that would be just for us (until she makes whatever decision she makes about sharing it or not – her call, I swear). Mostly, it’s just a fun thing for her parents and I hope she enjoys it too. If not, oh well! So far, no disclosures have been necessary, although I guess her daycare technically has a copy of her birth certificate so someone there could know it. Hmmmm, those jerks better keep it quiet… 🙂
I’m not having kids but if I was I’d totally give my child a secret name to prevent fairies having power over them. The only entity that will bind my child by its True Name is me.
This is exactly correct! I’ve also considered that it might be her daemon’s name, but I don’t want to be too prescriptive about the ultimate manifestation of her soul.
We could barely think of first names for the kids, so were happy to avoid giving them individual middle names by making my last name their middle name! But if individual middle names are important, sure, go for it. (Some people also do double unhyphenated last names, which is a recipe for confusion, but doesn’t mean you shouldn’t if it’s otherwise important to you.)
My kids have four names. Daughter is FirstName MiddleName Father’sLastName MyLastName and son is FirstName MiddleName MyLastName Father’sLastName (they both just use their first and fourth names in day to day life). They are teenagers now and neither the fact that they have four names or different last names than each other seem to be an issue. It is just the way things are and always have been.
Nor has this caused any real problems – I’ve only ever had to explain it once to anyone. We actually know a number of other families that went the route of girls with mother’s name and boys with father’s (and some that just alternated last names with each subsequent child).
I did exactly this with my kid. We have had no issues at all (including on forms) and he tells me he likes all his names. The only name he has tried to change is his first name, first to Dave and then to Poseidon.
I have two middle names and I love it. Highly recommended. (I only use one middle initial in my signature and such, but I really like having the second one there.)
My kid has one first name, one middle initial, one middle name, and a hyphenated last name. He loves his name and is actually easily inclined to inserting STILL MORE middle names into the mix.
I know a lot of families who have done one parent’s last name as a “second” middle name and none of them have noted any problems with bureaucracies.
(I hyphenated my last name when I got married so I kind of have four names. I love it!)
Do it! My parents gave me my mom’s last name as my 2nd middle name (I have a 1st middle name, as well) due to being legally unable to have two middle names, but….. once I was old enough to decide I wanted to celebrate both my parents’ heritage, I started using them both, together, on most formal documents. It feels so good!
My friend has four names & it hasn’t given her much trouble, though it’s not uncommon for people to ignore/forget her first last name & use only her second (father’s) last name, which she finds irritating.
BUT! Here’s a wacky suggestion! What if you decided to throw caution to the wind & create a portmanteau of your family name & your husband’s family name for your child to give them a name all their own! …then again, this same method is what created the 2013 Name of the Year winner Leo Spornstarr, so YMMV…
There are fewer than 500 people in the entire world with my last name, so that specific name is pretty important to me.
My parents did that with my brother, but with both grandfather’s first names. It sounds okay, and he has a very distinguished signature
Having four names (or more) is common in my country and I never felt like it’s too long or a hassle. People just sign FirstName OneLastName when signing things unless the full name is required. It’s also nice that it lets us pick which combination of names we like best in contexts where you don’t have to sign in any particular way.
I have no idea how this would work in a country where three names are more common, though.
I have four names kinda – last name is hyphenated. It’s fine, except there are a surprisingly large number of companies who don’t understand the concept of hyphenation and think only Name2 is my last name. I never use my middle name at all. It’s a very bland name.
I think if they are both middle names it’s good but my parents saddled me with two LAST names & due to their length (name equivalent to Golly Sateen Ballpeen Middleman) it doesn’t fit on forms and so I applied to college with just LastLastname & now it’s like I have multiple identities. IRS hijinks ensue every time I change jobs, the DMV always mis-hyphenates it (it is NOT hyphenated on my passport), and my mom cried because her last name isn’t on my PhD diploma.
I’ve had 4 names all my life, and even with having random name combinations on all of my stuff it’s been a problem 0% of the time
That’s exactly what my kids have. They’re all longish names, and required things like special ordering social security cards because they exceeded the typical number of letters. Still, worth it.
Right now I am feeling super deprived name-wise. I have firstname and lastname and combined they are only three syllables.
I have four names (my parents hyphenated) and my daughter has four names now, poor kid. I survived , though, despite my name(s) not fitting on SAT forms and stuff like that. I say go for it!
The Bartender did this. The baby has four names and does not seem burdened!
My fellow is First Middle Middle Last, but it’s complicated because his two middle names are themselves a full name (because it’s his mother’s maiden). So he’s John James Smith Doe when really it would have been easier for him to be First Middle Last Last (John J. Smith-Doe or John J. Smith Doe) but nooooo.
Fortunately I was always going to be my own bloody name.
Chiming in a bit late, but my three siblings and I are all FirstName MiddleName MomsLastName DadsLastName, and it’s fine and has honestly never been an issue.
Recently, I have been toying with the idea of legally bumping my mom’s last name up to second last name status rather than second middle name (as in, going from Meg A. J. Smith to Meg A. Johnson-Smith*). I might not, because I am lazy, but I am also intending to go into academia and want my name to be easily searchable in databases.
*not my real last names
I have four names! Exactly the set up you suggest. I usually just put my middle name in forms and drop my mother’s maiden name, and I now awkwardly have one degree with all four and one with just three… which perhaps bothers my mum but she hasn’t said anything.
I like having the choice! And my mother’s maiden name is really cool and scientific-sounding so I like to be able to use it when I can.
It has never once been a problem in getting police checks, licences, passports, nothing. But that’s here in Australia.
Why not give them FirstName MiddleName HisLastName YourLastName? I get annoyed at how it’s still the guy’s name that gets to be the “family” name.
Anyway possibly your family/his family/your husband/yourself are not keen on the idea (my housemate wigged out when I said I wanted my entirely theoretical husband to take my last name so I know some people aren’t keen) but it is an option.
Personally I think four names is too much work when filling out forms. Could you portmanteau your two surnames into a new surname? But at the end of the day, you do you.
Hi Toasties! Food discussions here are always tops, and I need help — with freezer meals!
My close friend is having a baby in a few weeks, and I want to stock her freezer when the time comes. She did the same for me last month when I had my baby (side note: sending you solidarity never sleeping again hugs, Bartender) and it was such a godsend. But — I’ve never done this sort of thing before! They brought carrot-ginger soup, yellow dal, baked ziti, and cookies, for example.
I don’t know where to start, both with recipes and logistics. I’d love to hear your favorite (vegetarian preferred) egg-free (allergy!) freezer meals and best tips. I really hope my husband and I can make their first days as parents easier, as they did for us! Thank you so much!
Vegetarian chili! No-bake cookies! Tuna-noodle casserole (I made this for a friend after she donated a kidney and it was a HUGE hit)!
Chili is a great idea, thanks!
So, no recipes off the top of my head, but one thing you might consider is doing a few “dump dinners” – there are recipes all over. You pre-mix the ingredients in a ziplock and freeze them. Then all they have to do is pull it out the night before to defrost and pop it in the Crock Pot (also, I’m the kind of friend who would buy them a cheap Crock Pot if they needed one, since you can get them for like, $20 – but I’m an “over the top” kind of person with this stuff so YMMV). Then they don’t have to worry about returning dishes AND it’ll be fresh and won’t taste reheated. Toast parents, feel free to speak up if this seems like too much work, but I’ve gotten into these for myself and they seem like an easy option for new parents, too.
This is a really cool idea!
What about a bundle of individually wrapped pre-cooked frozen burritos? You can make a lot of black bean and sweetcorn veggie type filling and roll that up with cheese and perhaps a kind of roasted pepper/chili sauce. They’re pretty quick to defrost and re-heat and there’s also no kind of assembly required as pre-rolled by you! The trick is to cook your fillings first and then have them cool down to room temp, and then assemble and freeze – then the tortilla doesn’t get soggy from heating up while you’re assembling.
A+ tip -THANK YOU!
You are so bold to embark on a big kitchen project with a one-month-old, I salute you! I made this for myself before we had our kiddo, along with these and both kept well.
Luckily by the time she has hers, mine will be 3 months. That means it’ll be better, right? >.<
That’s so nice of you to do.
Thai red curry is delicious, relatively easy, and can be made vegan. Basically sauté curry paste+onion+any extra spices you like, dump in a can of coconut milk, a can of drained chickpeas, and your favorite chopped veg, and then freeze.
That’s my kind of cooking! Thanks! (and yum!)
enchiladas freeze really well. Corn tortillas filled with refried or black beans, cheese, topped with enchilada sauce from the can (red or green) and more cheese. You can add jalapenos or olives or whatever to taste, but the simple ones are fine too. I usually make them with chicken myself but that can obviously be omitted.
Red sauce for pasta also freezes well (my go to is tomatoes, butter, whole onion, then any herbs and spices you want like bay leaf, oregano, thyme, etc. cook down for about 30-40 minutes then fish out the onion and bay leaf).
That’s how my husband makes sauce and it’s sooooo good. Thanks!
I make and freeze a lot of pasta sauce in single portion bags since it only takes 10 minutes to cook some pasta and reheat sauce! My go to is puttanesca sauce (without anchovies because they are groooooss). You need: chopped tinned tomatoes, tomato puree, chopped onion, pitted olives (in halves), capers, some red wine, salt + pepper. I often add things like courgettes and peppers to bulk it out a bit and get more vegetables in there though I’m sure an Italian Toasties are fainting at the idea of this bastardised sauce!
Bulking sauce up with more veg is a great idea for this situation. Thanks!
SmittenKitchen has a great freezer recipe section!
Edited to add: my mum does a lot of freezer cooking, and she swears by the tinfoil disposable baking dishes you can get at the dollar store. You can do one or two person sized portions of bigger dishes, and freeze them. Then you’re not stuck warming up a whole try of casserole and eating it for a week.
Thanks!
My go-to freezer meals are chili (I make mine with black beans and chipotle) or pasta. I made and froze a baked ziti type thing with pasta (rigatoni, I think?), Trader Joe’s tomato basil sauce (I was in a hurry), ricotta, and spinach, topped with moz. The folks I made it for pronounced it “damn tasty pasta.” Oh, and Budget Bytes Black Bean & Avocado enchiladas (though I often skip the avocado and use roasted sweet potatoes instead): http://www.budgetbytes.com/2013/04/black-bean-avo…
Depending on what and how they eat (is fish an option?) some kind of freezable veggie or fish “burger” patties would be nice.
And seconding the frozen burritos.
Good call on the burgers/patties!
A veggie pasta bake with cheese sauce or red sauce, any soup you’re good at, seconding on the veggie curries, mushroom stroganoff (way easier than it sounds).
Oh, we do a good pureed broccoli soup. That might work! And yes, mushroom stroganoff is my jam. I request my husband’s recipe once a week (using cashew cream OMG) and chow down. I wonder how it would freeze…
Split pea soup is a great one. (And a point of family contention, I learned recently.) Can be done vegan/vegetarian, or with ham/bacon.
My two go two dishes that do well in the freezer are chili or a chicken dish.
Chili for me is started with hamburger, for veterinarian use mushrooms.
This is browned in olive oil, then add onions and green/fresh peppers, and saute.
I use Anasazi beans, or any combination of them and pinto, black, cannellini, and white. Also saute garlic, then add zucchini, and bottled red peppers (chopped), and spices, including oregano, basil, cumin, nutmeg, cinnamon, and a dash of ground cloves. For chilis I like something not so hot, like dried negro or pasilla, and cooked into the sauce, and then pureed, and poured back in. I like these chilis because they are not too hot, and I can use more of them. I like the chilis to have the earthy, dirty flavor, not just, or so much heat. For beans I cook fresh Dove Creek, but canned will suffice. The tipping point is tomatoes, tomato sauce, or bottled tomatoes. I don’t like a lot, just a some to add tartness, not enough to be spaghetti sauce with heat. The chilis should carry most of the redness. Then simmer together. Let it commingle without getting too mushy too early. That will happen naturally enough later.
My chicken dish can be made with mushrooms, as above for vegetarian.
Brown chicken/saute mushrooms, in olive oil. For one half chicken, 8oz mushrooms, add then saute in the drippings (without the chicken), one or two onions, a pepper, chopped, some garlic and mushrooms if not vegetarian. Add tomato sauce, ~16oz, and spices. At least basil and oregano, others as wanted. Add chicken back in and simmer for about an hour.
Both of these dishes will commingle in the freezer, as well as the fridge, and be even better the following day, or thereafter.
Thank you!
Ratatouille is vegetarian freezes well and is easy enough to make!
I think I’ve used Martha’s recipe but it’s a hard dish to screw up http://www.marthastewart.com/333115/ratatouille
Thanks!
This week I challenged myself to do rainbow eyeshadow every day using all different colors each time, and I learned an important lesson: it is indeed possible to get tired of coming up with rainbow eyeshadow combinations. At least I’ve got some good new ones in my bag of tricks!
Does rainbow mean it has to include every color of the rainbow? That would be really hard to do all the time.
My current multi-colored favorite looks are a sunset combo–yellow on the inner half, orange on the outer half, blended together in the middle with a reddish-purple–and a fiery gradient (gold inner corner, then a little bronze, then orange, then a bit of red on the outer corner).
Basically! The idea was to give the impression of a rainbow with every look, so blending and having some colors do double duty and letting my skin be the “orange” (a little weird to say when I have the coolest-toned skin possible, but here we are) meant I only ever used four or five at a time. The pics are here if you’re curious: https://twitter.com/hashtag/rainboweyechallenge?s…
Sunset eyes are THE BEST. If you don’t do this already, I suggest trying a deep blue eyeliner with them – I did it once with my own sunset eyes and will never consider anything else again. But regardless, SO pretty.
Ooh, I saw some of those eyes and they looked GOOD. I can’t seem to wear makeup without perspiring and ending up with an illustrated face sliding down my torso, but you made me wish I had some eye game.
I am in the mood to look at pretty things. Can anyone recommend cool fashion and home design blogs?
Some specifics on the home design one, I’m looking for more color, lived in décor. I like the black and white modern stuff to look at but there’s no way I can ever maintain such a neat look for more than five minutes.
I can seriously get lost in Apartment Therapy’s home tours.
Manhattan-nest.com!
thejungalow.com!
Design*Sponge is an old favorite, they get really great apartments/houses to feature, as well as studios and workspaces, which I find so cool to look at (I work in a decidedly non-creative profession.)
Honey Kennedy I’d say veers more fashion, but it’s a pretty good mix.
If you are at all into the farmhouse/shabby chic look, I highly recommend missmustardseed.com Lots of pretty antiques and blue and white color schemes
Boring logistical question here: So I was googling parking garages/lots in NYC, and to my surprise, I found a number of places that were very cheap—like $15 a day? Is this possible? I’m thinking not. If I’m driving to New York from Massachusetts for a long weekend, what do y’all think are my best economical parking options that are close-ish to the city? (I know there are buses/trains, just exploring the possibilities.)
$15/day sounds normal for non-touristy areas! If I were you, I’d find a garage in maybe upper Manhattan close to the express subways (A/D trains) and park there. You may also be able to find street parking uptown – there’s no opposite-side parking nonsense on weekends.
(I do not have a car in the city but I frequently borrow my friend’s, which she keeps in a garage in Inwood.)
Good tips, thank you!
Yeah, this is what I’ve done for road trips to NYC. Find a place to park (in our case, Brooklyn) and left it there for the weekend.
Just be clear what they define as a day. (What is “is”?)
I once parked in a garage that defined a day as starting at 3am and any duration over three hours, or something. Anyway, I parked there for 6.5 hours and had to pay for two days. It was all there on their sign in microscopic print.
I’m a Chicago Toastie, not NYC, but I highly recommend looking into parking sites/apps like SpotHero or ParkWhiz, especially if there is a specific geographic area you want to park in. Just a thought!
I got to go on a vacation! A real vacation on which I didn’t think about science work AT ALL! I did think about science but it was fun science where I learned about animals!
There was just one hiccup when le Boyfriend got texts from his mother hinting that he should propose. And like, we actually have a great relationship (me and his mother). We go to dinner together! She treats me like family! And she normally NEVER meddles in our relationship. So this has me feeling very weird. Does she think something is wrong? Have I given the impression that I am not happy? Am I just way overthinking this and she was making a joke?
I am probably just way overthinking this.
I don’t know the mother in question, or what type of vacation you went on, but I know people tend to propose on vacations a lot, so I kind of just take this either as a joke or an endorsement that she likes you. Either way, unless a new pattern of mettling occurs, I wouldn’t worry about it too much.
Oh, I feel like you’re overthinking it! My read of that (and knowing my mom has done the same thing to my brother) is just that she likes you and wants you to be part of the family (even more than you already are).
I imagine the intersection of the Toast, PCHH and Hamilton is pretty high already. But just in case you might miss it, please enjoy this wonderful podcast about Hamilton (even if you’re getting a little tired of it all at this point, I think it’s worthwhile and brings out a lot of the less talked-about Broadway connections) and don’t miss Linda’s lovely conclusion to the blog post about the show:
“It’s really important to recognize, I think, that this is not a series of concerts, where the live performances — these specific ones — are the only thing. Hamilton is a feat of authorship, just like Company or The Pirates Of Penzance or South Pacific or Rent or Anything Goes or whatever, and it’s going to exist in a zillion forms. It’s going to be performed and revived and re-revived and done in schools and done locally, and it’s going to be done well and done badly, and individual songs will be covered on people’s albums, and there will probably be a movie someday, which lots of people will hate. There will be disputes over who can play Hamilton, who can play Burr, who can play Angelica.
There will be intense conversations related to particular productions about rap experience and theater experience, many of which will carry problematic and gross undertones and teach people things and make them fight, and this show is going to keep vexing and challenging a certain subsection of theater people in this wonderful way. There will be boys (and girls too, but I’m going to guess especially boys) who have never done theater or even thought about doing theater who suddenly want to do it because of this, and one of them will write a show in 20 years that will draw its own crowds. God willing, Old Man Miranda is going to get his Kennedy Center Honors and his EGOT (that’s actually probably going to be, like, soonish) and his next show will put him and everybody else in the position of realizing it cannot be this again because nothing by anybody can be, quite, this again.
It’s not just this thing, like a production you go stare at and go home or else press your nose up against the glass wishing you could get into. It’s a really important piece of writing, and it’s going to be around a lot longer than these crazy lines and lotteries and YouTube videos and memes and hashtags. It’s a piece of theater by an enormously important American composer, and it’s out in the world, and I promise, if you’re open to it, it will get to you as a composition, whether or not it gets to you as a hot-ticket Broadway show.”
http://www.npr.org/sections/monkeysee/2016/03/18/…
Oooh, I listened to the show but hadn’t read the blog post yet, thank you 🙂
AUGH, that’s lovely, thank you so much for quoting it.
I have been waiting for so long for them to finally do a Hamilton show! I feel like it’s been in each of the regular’s “What’s Making Me Happy” segments in some form or another, and I can’t wait to hear their extended thoughts on it!
Getting tired of Hamilton does not compute bee bop boop.
I have this downloaded for my commute home! Happy Friday!
Not tired of Hamilton, tired of hearing people talk about Hamilton. (: But I can’t seem to get remotely tired of either. It’s kind of amazing really.
Thank you for making me aware of this! I’ve got a 5-hour drive ahead of me this afternoon so downloaded the episode immediately!
On a similar note, N. K. Jemisin posted an *amazing* post about Hamilton as fantasy/the U.S. History narrative as fantasy. http://nkjemisin.com/2016/03/hamilton/
Oooh, this is good – thank you!
Not exactly on topic, but speaking of PCHH and other awesomeness, I downloaded Stitcher a couple months ago and it is AMAZING.
Now my entire commute is spent listening to A Way With Words (the etymological call in show!), Splendid Table, and similar and I actually never ever get bored in traffic anymore. It is life changingly lovely.
Travel advice for Prague, Vienna, and Budapest? I think I’m going in August, about three days in each city.
Vienna is a very very pretty city that has AMAZING CAKES. So many delicious pastries to explore. There are a shitload of art museums, if that’s your thing. I also went to Haus der Musik, probably one of the the coolest museum experiences of my life. And definitely recommend the Austrian National Library. It’s beautiful. If you like old pretty buildings or performing arts, I went on a tour of the state opera house (it was either free or below 5 euros) which was fun! When I went was the first time I ever traveled alone, so I definitely tried to schedule my days to the point of overscheduling them, but even with a less frenzied approach to sightseeing, you’ll probably find plenty to do for three days!
Thanks! I love libraries, so I’ll have to add that one to the list.
I was in Budapest last August – prepare for it to be INSANELY HOT. As in, make sure your hotel has air conditioning or you will. not. sleep.
Thanks for the advice.
Lucky Toastie! In Budapest we rented a tiny apartment through trip advisor- I think it had Olive in its name- that was 10000000% amazing. They had wine and pastry waiting for us when we arrived and were great about addressing an issue that came up. We bought food at the Central Market one day while walking through the city and then used that for our breakfasts and snacks and felt really settled in. Walking up Gellert Hill in the early morning. The big yellow outdoor baths whose name escapes me.
In Prague, my favorite section is the terraced hillside and gardens up by the castle, with a monastery and beer. And there is an absolutely amazing library up that way!
Be sure to go to cafés in Vienna, a bathing house in Budapest, and drink the local beer in an outdoor cafe/beer garden in Prague!
I’m afraid I can’t tell you my secret favorite cafés in Vienna, but some of the ones I adore that everybody knows about include café Hawelka, café Alt Wien, café Museum. I recommend ordering “eine Melange” (type of milky coffee) with your pastry, and in addition to Apfelkuchen or Sachertorte to consider Imperialtorte, Nusstorte, Zwetschkentorte, Ribiseltorte, or Marillenknödel!
Vienna has lots of great genuinely Italian gelato shops, too. It is heaven!
Also it might be warm enough to sit outside on a bench in a vineyard and drink young wine in Vienna. That’s a Heuriger, and some of them are super-touristy but you can still find nice ones in the city’s 19th district, all accessible by tram.
Thanks!
Prague is my absolute favorite city in Europe. It’s a fantastic maze of beautiful old buildings, and I remember especially loving the Old Jewish Cemetery. Word of advice, though, in terms of planning your days. The Charles Bridge is an absolute NIGHTMARE in the afternoon, and is completely clogged with tourists, so find alternate ways to cross the river in the middle of the day!
Thanks!
Prague is great! I’m so tired from three hours of sleep last night but I’ll try to update with recommendations later. What kind of things do you like?
Most of my recs have been covered already so I’ll just list a few:
In Budapest, go to Szimpla, for the sunday farmers market and for nighttime partying! Really go to as many ruin pubs as you can, they’re awesome and uniquely Hungarian. Also make sure to get your hands on goulash and chimney bread. And definitely go to the baths, Széchenyi Thermal Bath is the famous one and I loved it.
In Vienna, eat as many pastries as you possibly can. Demel Café is great for the Viennese specialty Sachertorte, and Café Central is the famous old cafe where Trotsky and Freud and all those dudes would play chess together. Get a fancy af hot chocolate and some torte. Definitely do Belvedere Palace. It has two different complexes. I did the Lower palace, which is an incredible art museum with a ton of great contemporary work and older stuff as well and a bunch of Gustav Klimt paintings, including “The Kiss,” which is a must-see.
In Prague, I’d recommend all the things people have below. Hit all the main tourist spots, sign your name on the John Lennon wall, drink absinthe, and just walk around and take it all in. Bohemia Bagel for the best sausage/egg/cheese bagel you’ll ever have.
Have so much fun!
No advice, just wanted to share that my aunties visited Prague the year my husband and I got married, and brought back these amazingly awesome crystal wine glasses for us as a wedding gift. So if you’re into fancy drinking vessels Prague has your back.
Haha, I probably don’t need any wine glasses, but maybe I’ll change my mind when I’m there looking at them.
GO TO THE TOILET MUSEUM IN PRAGUE. BEST MONEY I EVER SPENT EVER. AND I BOUGHT A T-SHIRT.
Prague is wonderful and I am so envious you’re going in August. When my boyfriend and I were there in snowy January we kept talking about how beautiful it must be in summer. Ditto Vienna, which has so many amazing gardens that we couldn’t really appreciate in the dead of winter!
If you’re sick of Central European food by the time you hit Vienna or Prague (not sure what order you’re visiting in) then I can recommend L’Osteria for pizza and Los Mexikas for Mexican food in Vienna, and Miss Saigon for Vietnamese food in Prague. The staff in Miss Saigon were so kind and the food was delicious.
Taking a tour round the Klementinum in Prague was amazing – the library is breathtaking.
I have been to Prague and loved it, but did not know there was a toilet museum. That is now at the top of my list of things to visit.
Prague- Check out the Spanish Synagogue it’s breathtaking!
Budapest- (I could write a novel here but will limit myself to 5 recommendations)
1. Baths- Szeycheni has the outdoor baths is easy to get to and the staff are likely enough to speak english. Personally my favorites are Rudas Gyorgyfurdo and Kiraly which are turkish. style Rudas was recently redone while Kiraly is a sort of old school charm. I also liked Lukacs which doesn’t have the decorative charm but the water just feels so good (i can’t really explain it).
2. Pastries/cafes- There is a cafe on the second floor of a book store called Parisi on Andrassy Ut that is a delight! I also adore Muvesz Kavehaz on that same street. Azteca Choxolate is a bit tricky to find but also fun.
3. Wine- Drink all the wine Doblo wine bar has a cheese board and lots of wine
4. Restaurants-Koleves (means stone soup) will get you an excellent Hungarian meal.
I could give you endless Prague travel advice. ENDLESS. Love Prague, have family in Prague, research in Prague, &c.
The central touristy stuff is easy enough for you to figure out on your own, though — the usual is, I think, the castle, the Lesser Quarter, Charles Bridge, the Old Town, and so on. You could actually hit most / all of it in one super intense day, which I actually recommend because, while it’s really beautiful, it’s going to be a shit show in the summer (it already is in August).
If you like outdoorsy things — Prague has some lovely green spaces, many of which include beer gardens. I like Stromovka’s beer gardens; they’re a little bit less touristy than the beer gardens at Letna and Petrin. Petrin has some lovely hiking around. So does Divoka Sarka (bonus because it’s named after a lady warrior; bonus reduced because she supposedly killed herself out of guilt for seducing / killing this man–PLEASE).
Vysehrad is a quiet, pretty space — fortifications, churches, and so on. For some reason, tourists don’t go there so very much, even though it’s in the center of Prague / visible from all over Prague.
Someone mentioned Strahov monastery. They are right; it is great. Brevnov monastery is also lovely and has a tavern…! Less frequented than Strahov. Also great.
If you’re into art (especially modern art), I strongly recommend that you check out some of Prague’s art museums, which are fabulous but, again, not filled with tourists (are you sensing a theme?). I love Museum Kampa, the Veletrzni Palac, and Dox; the last of these doesn’t have a permanent collection, so make sure you’re interested in going to their temporary stuff before you go.
The opera, symphony, and ballet are hella cheap in Prague (I’m not sure if Knowledgeable People would think that they are great, but I do). Look up the State Opera or National Theater, if you’re interested.
Prague has a lot of really great arthouse movie theaters. They’re generally bars / theaters, too, which is great — you can grab a beer and then go see a movie. They’re often English-friendly. One near the center is Kino Svetozor (kinosvetozor.cz) — it’s in a passage near Wenceslas Square, and there’s a great ice cream place near it, too, Ovocne Svetozor.
Don’t eat in the center, if you can avoid it. It will be more expensive and less good. Pubs are everywhere. One pub that is good / in the center / won some kind of beer-pouring prize is Lokal (there are numerous locations; one is not far from Charles Bridge). You can get beautiful chlebicky (these open-faced sandwiches) at Jan Paukert; it’s a little far afield, but if you are super into open-faced sandwiches (/ other pastries)…Oddly, a few of my favorite vegetarian places are in Prague, including Lehka Hlava (Clear Head) — it’s really beautiful inside, but you might need a reservation.
Depending on what your scene is, I, again, suggest that you avoid living in the center. This is in case you are not into being woken up by drunk tourists (or you will need earplugs) — but maybe you will be one of the drunk tourists, in which case, more power to you. Zizkov is sort of a hipster area, and Dejvicka is quite nice, too. The area near Karlovo namesti is pretty nice, as well. If you’re near a metro stop, you can get anywhere pretty quickly. Of course, if you do choose to live in Old Town or the Lesser Quarter, you can basically walk to all of the “hot” tourist spots, so that is an advantage.
Prague public transit is excellent, though, after midnight, the metro stops and tram schedules change. You can get a three-day public transit pass, and then you’ll only have to stamp it once / you can take trams, buses, metros, and so on.
Prague has a lot of American expats, whom I strongly recommend that you avoid. HOWEVER, expats.cz might have helpful information for you.
Oh my God, I wrote so much. I’m going to rein myself in now. I hope you have a lovely visit! Let me know if you want more info (COULD YOU POSSIBLY?).
I’m home from NYC! We didn’t get home until after 2am oooooof so I’m running a little late to OT today. Thanks so much to the fabulous Toasties who came out to say hi while I was in your fair city. It was a pleasure to meet you all in person! Putting a pic of our group in the reply!
Hamilton was AMAZING, the city was fantastic, and the Burgomaster and I had a great time but holy wow it’s good to be home.
(coloredlights, charming-toast-lurker, jwhittz, ocwut, ginkotree, and me!)
you all look FABULOUS!
you all look lovely!
OMG, look at you guys SO FABULOUS and now I want a Vancouver mash-up, STAT.
That’s the cool kids table right there! You all look awesome.
Thanks for organizing! It was so great to meet everyone
Oh, gosh, thank you for all your help! I could not have organized it without you!
this gif (and movie) gives me so many feels, both pants and otherwise.
you have the best gifs, I am forever in awe of your collection.
It’s a collection formed from spending way too much time on the internet. Also yes, I loved that movie. So happy you’re a fan, too! It certainly wasn’t for everyone, but it was definitely for me (and, apparently, you)!
beautiful! so glad you had an awesome time in the greatesttttt citttyyyy in the worlllldddd.
I hope you guys got a chance to gush about that amazing gluten-free croquembouche ocwut made for ginkgotree because I sure would! Hello toastppl!!
oh man, I really wanted to meet up. next time! so glad you had a wonderful visit! such great weather this week, too.
How sad you couldn’t make it! The Burgomaster and I don’t go on vacation very often (our last one was Italy in 2007), but if/when we make it to NYC again, I’ll let people know.
It was SO GREAT to meet you. And thank you for organizing! As we were walking to the subway, I was like “I legit feel like I just met a celebrity.”
And it was awesome to meet some other NYC Toastfolk! I am harboring secret hopes of becoming friends with everyone (which is probably less secret now that I’ve written it in Open Thread).
I think you have a good chance of becoming friends with everyone because you are absolutely charming.
Yes please!
YAY FRIENDS
I am kinda pissed at myself for missing the opportunity to tell you IN PERSON how beautiful that croquembouche you shared last week was!
Toast friends, what should I put on my walls?? Specifically one wall in my living room. It’s super long, probably 2.5 full-sized sofas in lengths, so there’s a lot of blank space there. Long term I want to get some great art but for now I don’t have a ton of money to throw at it. I’m an enthusiastic DIYer but I have little/no artistic talent. Suggestions??
Student art fairs at the local arts college/university. You will spend less and feel great.
Also, art rental is an awesome program you can use to try-before-you-buy or to cycle through a bunch of different things. Local galleries and museums can usually tip you in how it works.
I also really like just buying cheap dollar-store canvases and doing colour washes on them, like a blue-to-green-fade thing.
Go to the miscellaneous junk sections of thrift stores and find framed art. If you like the art, great! If you don’t, take it out and put something nicer in the frame! If you can’t afford to buy nice pictures to put in the frames, try going to a book store discount bin and seeing if they have any books with nature photography and stuff like that. I found a great book with tons of photography from Yellowstone in a “Nobody wants these books so they are now free” bin outside a Barnes and Noble that has made my walls so much prettier!
Fabulous thrift-store frame filled with a big piece of interesting fabric–you can get bolt ends pretty cheap.
IKEA has some great art, actually! Or nice-to-look-at art, at least. I also am a fan of just wandering around my parents’ and grandparents’ houses and adopting unloved photos/art/empty frames.
Maybe get some large pieces of watercolor paper and make a watercolor agate triptych? https://www.pinterest.com/search/pins/?q=watercol…
Print a bunch of photos and stick them on the wall with sticky tack! We divided ours into groups by subject so it’s not a dense mass but clusters of photos of family, friends, etc.
I am an enthusiastic thrift store art hunter. My husband and I bring a measuring tape and search for both art pieces and frames every time we go. We love the hand-painted folk art pieces and have found some decent stuff. We’ve also found some framed botanical prints and maps. Along those same lines, check out old books/maps in both thrift and used bookstores. Also, if you have artists you love follow them on Facebook/sign up for their newsletters and look out for sales. I’m obsessed with Kelly McKernan’s work and she has sales several times a year.
Large prints of Brandon Bird’s work aren’t too terribly expensive and are great conversation starters. I have this one in my office:
http://www.brandonbird.com/jen_sisko.html
Some lengths of pretty fabric? Hang it like tapestries? Fabric stores often have good deals on 2-3 yard remnants of upholstery fabric.
I have a giant piece of fabric on one of the other walls in that room! Maybe I should put fabric on all the walls and turn the room into a tent…
I heartily second the thrift store suggestion. It’s where I got most of my more amazing pieces. Occasionally I’ve found something sort of valuable (nothing above $700, but not bad a for a $2 investment), and it might gain value as it ages.
Really giant “engineering prints” from Office Depot or whatever, of family pictures, vacation photos, impressive doodles, etc.
i second @catweazle above about going to used bookstores. some of them have actual bins with pages out of old art books, but i’ve also bought old books with damaged covers and just taken out the illustrations that i like. children’s books! art books!
i also put a lot of postcards up (a lot of bookstores also sell nice fotofolio postcards). also, worth going to a fancy paper shop like paper source and looking through their large sheets. i have a lovely one that i just put up as is, like a patterned poster.
also good: going to goodwill, buying old frames, and painting them in your color of choice (hot pink! gold! tasteful muted colors!) with cheap acrylic paint. flea markets for thinks like old soda signs and botanical prints. etsy. those photo-printing kiosks at fedex/kinkos for blowing up your favorite photos to 8x12s.
Hmmmm…that’s a great big space! What about a cluster effect using a variety of empty antique frames salvaged from thrift stores, garage sales, etc. I had a giant, pea-green coloured antique frame that I loved just for itself and hung it on the wall, as is. But it should be said friends and family thought it was weird (“why is it empty?”) and couldn’t understand the frame was the art, so…
One for the future maybe, since 2016’s batch are all sold out, and also a bit pricy as these things go, but Stendig calendars look so cool and take up TONNES of space. We have one at work and I love it.
ETA actually I bet you could make your own version if you were so inclined, and it wouldn’t require artistic talent, just some computer smarts!
Asking a for a Stendig calendar for Christmas this past year was one of my BEST CHOICES EVER.
My favorite art is fabric, which you can pin to the wall or put on a wood frame that you can make yourself for like $10. I’m a sucker for anything from the Finnish design company Marimekko, and they have all of their fabrics on sale right now. https://us.marimekko.com/fabric/cotton-fabrics
If you like nineteenth-century Western art (seriously, all these chicks are candidates for one of Mallory’s posts) I have a bunch of reproductions of Millais, Leighton, old Gilbert and Sullivan posters, etc, I will probably never have the room to hang, and I could send you some if you like!
My Toast burner email is siddonspackard at gmail dot com
Thank you for the kind offer! As much as I love women ignoring men in art it’s not really my decorating style.
My friend got a couple of balls of yarn and used it and tacks to make geometric shapes/yarn art. It looks incredible and you can make all sorts of things with it. Google yarn wall art for ideas.
I’ve had some luck buying tapestries from Society6.com They are sort of Etsy/Cafe Press-ish? Prints from indie artists in a variety of media, but the tapestries are nifty–you can get a HUGE one for less than $100. And there are frequently coupon codes.
If you have a color printer and a high-quality digital image, you can use the Rasterbator: http://rasterbator.net/
I recommend the Rijksmuseum’s images, which they provide for free: https://www.rijksmuseum.nl/en/photoservice
Like many (U.S.) government websites, most NASA images are also free to use (read more about NASA usage guidelines at this link): http://blog.bookcoverarchive.com/2009/04/713/
I have a giant wall (relative to my generally tiny studio) that I’m thinking of putting those big decorative decals on, mostly because I like the idea of mismatching them into something anarchic and fun. I wish Magnetic Poetry had a sticky wall poems version, I’d be all over it.
Late to the party, but does your local public library lend art? Mine does. You never know!
Signing the lease for our new apartment tomorrow! Sometime next month we’ll be moving into a very nice condo. On a related note, I had forgotten how terrible packing is. I got through 3 boxes of books and could feel the soul beginning to leave my body.
Lately work has seemed like more and more of an elaborate joke and I’ve been at bitch-eating-crackers levels with everyone. This morning I overheard a coworker explaining to our boss why she didn’t show up yesterday: because she slept through her alarm and woke up at 7…pm. Boss’ reaction was basically “¯\_(ツ)_/¯.” Maybe I should stop coming to work too and then say “lol sry I was asleep all day” since there are apparently no negative consequences for doing so.
My boss asked me last week “What would it take to make it worth your while to stay here indefinitely?” I’m on contract, ostensibly because I’m only here replacing someone who’s on secondment, but he got a permanent job offer himself and isn’t coming back. (Note to boss: maybe ask yourself why your librarians are consistently very eager to leave.) She kept saying that if I wanted to stay, that would be great, because she really, really wants me to stay! I managed to dodge the question – the truth is that there’s nothing within her power that would make this a satisfactory long-term workplace for me and if I had the launch codes I would nuke the whole building from orbit. Yesterday I heard someone ask her if I was staying on permanently and she said she was “trying to twist my arm” into staying. That’s a solid retention strategy right there… I know that she was contacted to provide a reference for me for the job I interviewed for last month/mentioned in the OT last week, so I guess she’s worried they will make me an offer. Please keep your fingers and any other appendages crossed for me because I feel like if I have to stay here it’s only a matter of weeks before I throw my hands up in despair and take to the sea.
Why not tell her some of the problems? It might be cathartic, even if nothing gets done when you leave. Or maybe you have all along and she doesn’t listen? But the big thing here–7pm??? Is she a dead person??
Toastfriends, I have just registered for my 10th college reunion and want to ask: What are your favorite campus quirks and characters from your college times? I smile nostalgically thinking of Running Boy (the student who ran literally everywhere he went, in shorts, in Minnesota winter) and the dude who dressed like a pirate on a daily basis. And my favorite story:
When the Iraq War started some kids set up tents and declared it “Peace Camp” and that they would occupy the campus until the war was over. In response, some of the few campus conservatives established “Freedom Camp” and grilled hotdogs and handed them out. There was construction going on at the time, so there was literally a chain-link fence between the two. And of course, on the day of the hotdog cookout, a third faction appeared: SPACE CAMP. Like, kids with ray guns and goggles and aluminum foil helmets, just running through the middle of everything. It was a thing of beauty.
Anyway. Tell me of your beloved college oddballs, particularly if they were you.
I don’t have a specific oddball to add to this personally- but my best friend’s dad and my dad were college roommates and every time we all get together, we hear about “The Adventures of Scarf Man” who was a man who wore ridiculously long scarves everywhere and apparently did ridiculous things like swimming in public fountains.
Did he look like this: https://www.google.com/search?site=&tbm=isch&…
1. There’s a statue of my college’s founder (well, there are several, but in this one he’s sitting down), and it was common knowledge among students that initiation for at least one sports team and/or frat involved peeing on the statue. Prospective students and their families often like to sit on the statue’s lap and take pictures, while we all stared in horror.
2. There’s a large compass etched in stone on one of the campus walks, and legend was that if you walked on it, you’d fail your next midterm. Large groups of people, including me, would go out of their way to avoid stepping on the compass. Except one day, I was in a rush, and I walked on the compass. AND I ACTUALLY FAILED MY NEXT MIDTERM. #TheCurseIsReal
OH MAN curses are the best. Well, worst. But they are great stories. I don’t remember any curses!
There was a big memorial arch on our campus, and I learned VERY late in my education of the belief that anyone who passed under the arch rather than going around it wouldn’t graduate. I had already gone under it enough times that maybe the curse wore off?
we had a similar arch, with the added legend that if a female student went under the arch and looked up while there, she’d be pregnant within a year.
We also had a painting of Elizabeth I in the exam hall and you weren’t supposed to look at her during an exam because it was bad luck
We had a guy who would walk around campus barefoot and in shorts, in the middle of interior Alaska winter, even at -40.
THERE’S ALWAYS ONE. WHY IS THERE ALWAYS ONE.
My roommates liked to get drunk and build an obstacle course out of furniture in our living room. That was their drunk hobby.
I had a friend who walked to work in Minnesota during the winter in shorts and flipflops one night because it was over 0F. He is now a tenure track professor at the same school and didn’t suffer any ill effects, apparently.
I was doing research on Paradise Lost and whenever Satan would appear I’d gleefully say “YAY SATAN” no matter where I was.
Your drunk obstacle course reminds me of the semester I studied abroad at an Australian university, and on Conception Day (anniversary of the founding of the college, or something like that) everyone got very drunk and I came back to my residence college to find derelict shopping carts piled in the narrow hallway. Much fun to climb over.
We had “Suit Guy” – a student a few years ahead of me who wore a three-piece suit every single day. His housemates had a (now defunct) Tumblr called Life With Suit Guy, which helped to make him even more famous. He was also an alcoholic and spent most of his time in the campus pubs drinking scotch. My friends lived in an apartment below him when we were in second year, and he would often wander down with a drink early in the morning to say hello. Not sure whatever became of him.
“Karl Marx”, an old man who sits outside the cafeteria, reading a newspaper and smoking a pipe.
The [building’s name] couple who practically live there and constantly yell at each other. He also turns up in courses sometimes. They are both about fifty years old.
And the ongoing joke that in my faculty’s building (theology), the restrooms are not for men and women, but rather for Catholics and Protestants.
We had a kid who rode a unicycle everywhere. Which is more impressive if you know I went to school on the side of a mountain.
My boyfriend lived in a succession of overcrowded houses throughout college, and one year had a wacko housemate who was always getting high and doing dumb shit. One day she found a disgusting old armchair in a dumpster somewhere and dragged it into the house. She refused to get rid of it even though it was super super gross, and eventually another housemate got fed up and threw it into the fountain outside the student center. When the first housemate found out, she tried to get the other guy to pay her to reupholster her trash chair. Then she promptly failed out of school and we never saw her again.
My college’s whole thing was Being Aggressively Weird, so there were a lot. There was always a Bathrobe Kid on campus. A guy who wore a bathrobe everywhere he went. When one graduated, another would take on the mantle. A guy (good friend of mine) who rode his bike everywhere, including across the stage at graduation. Lots of unicycles. My brother was known to some as “the guy who plays bass on stilts.”
During midterm week (or was it finals, I forget) there was a Naked Run through the library, which is exactly what it sounds like.
We also had theme living halls, the largest and oldest of which was Sci-Fi/Fantasy Hall, which is where I lived. Any loud, annoying mob of people taking up a large public space was usually us. We conducted raids on other theme halls (Russian House deterred us with infinite Communist bureaucracy), built a Community-style blanket fort, and disrupted friends’ performances with loud cheering. One year (before my time) one person dressed up as Ash Ketchum and every other person dressed as a Team Rocket goon.
Scifi/fantasy hall!!!!
Toasties, these stories are a delight.
Hello, fellow Obie! (Unless there are two colleges with very similar weird traditions?)
We also had bagpipe guy, who would play bagpipes in full Scottish regalia on Tappan Square.
What’s an Obie?
Nah, just kidding. Hi! I remember bagpipe guy very well. I think sometimes he would play on the science quad which was SO CLOSE to my dorm and I’m glad he’s practicing his art but boy did it get annoying.
Freshman year my room looked out over a tiny grassy area where the guys who lived on the first floor of my dorm would always play catch or soccer or something in nice weather. I have a very clear memory of being in my dorm room on the first really nice day of the spring with the window open and suddenly hearing (verbatim) WOO!! FOOTBALL!! YES!!! and I looked out and they had all run outside and were playing some kind of touch football game, but they were literally so excited to be outside in the sunshine that they continued to yell YES! FOOTBALL! when they threw the ball or kicked it or whatever. It was so weird and delightful, and I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately now that it’s becoming springlike again 🙂
That’s so cute and I’m going to think about it forever :’)
I, uh, was Pogo Stick Girl for a week or two.
(Attempted to ride it to classes, but navigating in particular directions is difficult. But I rode it on the quad a few times and kept it chained up with the bikes on a bike rack.)
Oh lordy. I went to a tiny hippy college, so like I’m trying to figure out what was truly odd because our baseline weirdness was way higher than a lot of other places.
I did ski to the cafeteria once during a blizzard.
It was an annual tradition to have a ladies’ underwear run through the men’s dorm and vice versa. We also hosted at least two lingerie parties a year. (Actually we still have those even though we graduated years ago.)
There was one kid who styled himself as a weird samurai/Scottish highlander hybrid. He’d practice kata with his kanabo on the mall.
Another time, a guy jumped off a second-story balcony in an attempt to capture a deer. He failed. I think he was sober at the time, too.
IN AN ATTEMPT TO CAPTURE A DEER!
I assume he wanted to eat its flesh and tan its hide.
“our baseline weirdness was way higher than a lot of other places” yes this.
My freshman year there was a guy who always smoked a pipe. You would walk around and see this guy in tweed smoking s pipe and reading. “You know the pipe guy” was a common refrain. Pipe guy is now one of my best friends, and it’s funny to remember when I didn’t know him but knew about pipe guy.
This one guy, a certified genius who worked eight jobs, made chain mail on the side, had five majors, and by some wizardry also got eight hours of sleep a night, used to ride around campus on a unicycle. And not a normal unicycle – a six-feet-jacked-off-the-ground unicycle that he had to mount by climbing a tree.
Like a bizarre spectacled mother hen he spawned a following of smaller unicyclists. One of them became known, in later years, as the standard shorts-and-flip flops-in-Michigan-winter guy. He also had a habit of hanging a hammock in the top branches of a tree outside the women’s residence and scaring girls walking to class.
Work has deteriorated.
Outreach librarian is now pissed that she’s being asked to do stuff for her job and keeps sneaking out from her reference shifts 10 minutes early so she can leave before 4 which means I get her projects, which SUCKS. Also is the mouthpiece for her pretentious jerk boyfriend saying I should eat less carbs. Yeah, I’ll eat less carbs when I’m not running 20-30 miles a week. UNTIL THEN, ALL THE CARBS. ALL OF THEM.
1/3rd of the library budget goes for campus computers for staff and faculty and software for same which makes our budget look over-inflated compared to the actual IT departments.
There are no kittens here and I can’t sleep and I’m seeing a doctor the first week in April for my brain weirdness which might be stress, or ADD or nothing.
“there are no kittens here” is a v reasonable complaint
Ugh, the boyfriend trying to police what you eat is SO out of line!
He doesn’t even work in this city!
Maybe the best response is to tell him to eat a bag of dicks….as long as we’re offering eating advice, I mean.
They are full of protein and low in carbs.
I had the most delightfully bonkers Toastie dream the other night; I’m putting it in the reply cos it’s LOONG..
I’ve been waiting for OT to tell you all about the most incredible Toastie dream I had a few nights ago. I had just gotten a job with the Toast (I don’t know what) and I was invited to stay with Nicole, and later we would travel to meet Mallory. In dream-world, Nicole lived in Connecticut, which in dream-geography was within view of Manhattan. She and Steve had this amazing futuristic apartment built into a cliffside with a massive glass window from which you could see a river and the statue of Liberty in the distance. I spent a lot of time playing with Sansa and Nicole’s daughter, and Steve hosted an amazing dinner for us all. We were scheduled to meet Mallory at a Planned Parenthood clinic the next morning and then travel to California by car (dream-geography again!). In the meantime, I went for a walk down by the river in front of Nicole’s place and there I met my real-life partner and his friend. Except in the dream, my partner was in Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson’s body, but still had his own voice and personality. My partner/Rock’s friend was leaning over a bridge overlooking the river and talking about this famous team of gay free-divers called the Nijinksies (plural of Nijinsky, as in the ballet dancer) that were practicing there. Some of the Nijinskies came to the surface and started exchanging hilarious camp sass with the friend. They had HUGE shoulders and Adonis-bods, and wore perfectly rectangular clear plastic flippers on their feet. They went back down and apparently they were such amazing free-divers they could spend hours down there (dream-biology!). My partner The Rock joked that the fact that they were swimmers meant that they were very muscly in their upper bodies compared to the rest of them, and if they got a good look at his giant calves and thighs their minds would be blown.
Then there was a time-jump, and it was the next morning and I was travelling to the Planned Parenthood clinic with Nicole to meet Mallory. She was there cracking jokes with a cool doctor, who showed us around her clinic, then we went on our way to California. Either there or on the way we went to a music festival, where some women were obnoxious to Mallory and she went to talk to them, and I kept telling people ‘Watch how Dear Prudence resolves conflict!’. Then I saw Nicole going to another area of the festival, and I thought we were changing locations, so I followed her, and caught up with her outside a tent. She asked if I wanted to have dinner now or later and I said probably later. Then I noticed she was naked but I didn’t acknowledge it, I didn’t want to be uncool. So we were sort of awkwardly standing there and she was like ‘I guess I’ll see you later – unless you’re coming with me?’ And she gestured towards the tent ‘You do know that this is a sex party, yeah?’ And I looked into the tent and yes, it was a sex party. I was like ‘I’m good thanks, I’ll see you later!’ I went on my way, a bit embarrassed at my denseness, but decided not to worry about it and hoped Nicole was having a good time. My last thought was ‘I guess she and Steve have an arrangement’ and then I woke up.
THE END.
This is so perfect for so many reasons! Love it.
If anyone is interested in Iceland pics they are here! https://www.flickr.com/photos/lebatihem/albums/72…
It was snowy
and beautiful
and snowy again
DID YOU GO TO THE PENIS MUSEUM???
Always asking the big questions
I thought I was prepared for it. I WAS NOT. I did only put pictures online of the mythical creatures’ ones though.
I’m just scrolling down the first page and holy crap these are the best.
Hooray Iceland!
So gorgeous! I have been to Iceland, but only Reykjavik; the pictures of the other areas are beautiful and filling me with an urge to explore.
We’re already planning a return (or possibly to Tromso or somewhere similar a bit further north, for better lights-chances) hiring SUVs and driving around ourselves so we can explore a bit more. The non-Reykjavik pics are only a coach trip!
What are everyone’s favorite academic/scholarly productivity tools? Planners, citation management software, note-taking tips? I LIVE FOR THIS SHIT!
The husband just got Endnote and he can’t stop raving about it. Seriously, he gets giddy whenever he talks about how much easier/better its made his life.
I really like ReadCube! It’s a citation management software that I’ve found very useful – it imports well, easy to organize and search, allows you to read and annotate PDFs in the software, and has a really excellent recommendation feature that pulls new articles based on whatever’s in your library. It’s relatively new and definitely still in active development, but I’m a big fan. Before this, I used Zotero which I also really like but is a little less feature rich.
Woah this looks so great!
Woah this looks so great!
Ooh my system is insane but also kind of fun. I have Mendeley, which sort of sucks but I can’t live without it, and I tag the shit out of all my articles. And I have endless Word docs with various categories of notes, and I think once I start writing this might have turned out to be a terrible mistake, but such is life. So that is sort of an anti-tip. And I have one billion different to-do lists in WorkFlowy (which is actually awesome). AND the best part is my gigantic list of books to get from the library, organized by which part of the library they are in and color-coded according to “extremely useful,” “mildly useful,” and “ridiculously useless.”
<3 u Mendeley-ie. But I never got into the habit of usefully tagging.
I also have a million word docs of random notes that I need to start weaving together into something coherent soon. Sigh.
YUP me too. I am very scared.
YUP me too. I am very scared.
Ooh my system is insane but also kind of fun. I have Mendeley, which sort of sucks but I can’t live without it, and I tag the shit out of all my articles. And I have endless Word docs with various categories of notes, and I think once I start writing this might have turned out to be a terrible mistake, but such is life. So that is sort of an anti-tip. And I have one billion different to-do lists in WorkFlowy (which is actually awesome). AND the best part is my gigantic list of books to get from the library, organized by which part of the library they are in and color-coded according to “extremely useful,” “mildly useful,” and “ridiculously useless.”
I live and die by scrivener.
Tell me more about how you use it! I recently got it but haven’t gotten past pinning a few fake notecards onto the fake corkboard.
In my disserating days, I used to keep relevant research in different files for easy access, as well as lots of quotes and images (art history dissertation with a heavy emphasis on reception theory so I used alotttt of quotes). I also broke everything down into lots of small sections so I could move my writing around. That proved invaluable in the editing process. These days, I ise scrivener for D&D DMing and it is incredible as well.
Never let it be said academia doesn’t give you transferable skills!
Scrivener 5ever.
It saves everything in one place. Easy to move fake notecards around to organize ideas and then magically turn that into an outline for writing. Easy version control through automatic backups to Dropbox or wherever (also great for never having to worry about losing your thesis). Easy re-ordering of sections as you change your mind. Easy formatting and re-formatting.
I also really love the Scratch Pad, which is a little window that you can open any time Scrivener is running; it’s great for jotting down notes about other parts of your project (or other projects!) without losing your current train of thought.
I’ve been getting into Trello for list-making – I’m not in academia anymore but it’s so useful for freelance projects, studio projects, and various other research-related tasks.
Oooo this is very helpful as I just decided to do a big lit review for work! I’ve never really NEEDED citation management/annotation help but I’m starting to thing it’d be good to have the research papers I come across all sorted and annotated in one place.
In terms of productivity, I have an app called “Forest” that stops you from messing around on your phone (also works as a browser blocker, but I use stayfocusd for that instead). It’s a variation of a pomodoro timer, except you pick how long you want to leave your phone alone and there’s no timed breaks. For every time period you don’t play on your phone, you grow a tree and then a forest over the course of the day. It’s very effective (for me) and very aesthetically pleasing so it’s a win-win.
Ooh, I started using that app my last semester of grad school and it definitely increased my productivity. Now I just use it to force myself to write.
For planners, I am a Luddite. I love my modified bullet journal. I do monthly/weekly/daily spreads, plus a “future planning” section. I also do special timeline pages for individual products. Having a table of contents and threading page numbers makes accessing old notes really, really straightforward.
For me, paper is more flexible, and it’s nice having everything together (so work notes next to personal lists next to fun doodles) in a way that makes it easy to find. I would need a whole phone of apps to replace my one notebook, and it wouldn’t bring me nearly as much joy.
(Class notes go in their own individual binders, though; they take up too much space, otherwise).
I too like paper planners/notebooks! But I always have separate ones for everything which gets unwieldy. It never occurred to me to just have life stuff and work stuff in the same notebook! Hmmm…
I’m with you. Just reading all the app descriptions is making me anxious. But I also have no plans to write a dissertation.
I take textbook notes via computer but classroom notes have always been longhand.
Evernote! I find it so much easier to keep track of stuff there than with a citation manager + everything else. The new refworks is nice though, if you’ve got access to it.
I use evernote for writing down books to read or recipes or things to shop for, but have never used it for research. Do you just put all your pdfs and stuff in there?
I use it too, although mainly just so I can keep my research ideas organized. I almost always have my phone with me and it’s nice to know that I won’t lose track of ideas that I came up with on a hike or in the middle of the night.
I’ve become a convert to RescueTime, a browser extension that basically spies on you and tells you how unproductive you’ve been. Sometimes you need the guilt of an all-seeing computer Big Brother to get moving on that conference paper.
I use zotero for notes and bibliography. For “no, seriously, shut up and write” time, I use pomodorio.
Super late to the OT, but I swear by DevonThink Pro. It’s currently eating most of my laptop’s memory, but that’s my fault, since it’s also managing a gorgeously organized database of 3000+ archival scans. It’s so wonderful, and you can put note files in with the documents and organize the folders so it mimics the archival superstructure. I also use the note features in it for citation management, because I have yet to find a citation manager that doesn’t totally screw with my formatting.
Thank you for everything Toast <3
I’m still in limbo and don’t know what’s coming next, but it feels less like things are coming down around my ears anymore and I can think a little more clearly… and that’s thanks to you. Thank you.
Reading, and rooting for you.
<3
Anyone want to talk about comics? I’m currently reaching saturation point in terms of the number of friends who are willing to have my assorted favourites lfung their way in an attempt to get them hooked/disguise the growing pile in my room.
Currenltly keeping up with Squirrel Girl, Monstress, Ody-C, Bitch Planet, Saga, Wicked + Divine, Thor, Dr Strange, Pretty Deadly, Lumberjanes, A-Force. And Hellboy in Hell though that only seems to manage 1 issue a year….
I just finished volume 1 of Lumberjanes last night and I loved it! Need to get my paws on Vol. 2 ASAP. I read issue one of SquirrelGirl and loved that, but I find reading trades (am I using that term correctly?) more satisfying so it looks like I’ll be waiting awhile to keep up with that one.
Vol 3 of Rat Queens is coming out just in time for my birthday, and Rat Queens is my absolute favorite.
Comic thread! You just reminded me I still have to pick up my new issues after work today.
On my pull list right now: Bitch Panet, Ms. Marvel, Saga, Paper Girls, Velvet, Hellcat, Black Widow, Vision… probably more but I can’t think of them right now. I also keep up with a couple on the Marvel Unlimited app, like the Star Wars series and Squirrel Girl.
I’ve been hearing a lot of good things about Wicked + Divine, maybe I’ll treat myself to a trade … as to Thor, I kind of stopped after the reveal of who the new Thor was. Is it any good right now? I gave A-Force one issue but it was too chaotic for me.
I CANNOT WAIT for Ta-Nehisi Coates’s Black Panther. That is all.
I just picked up Vol 3 of Lumberjanes but haven’t read it yet–But am super excited to!
I also picked up Afterlife with Archie and am only about fifteen pages in, but so far, everyone who said it was really good was not wrong. The art is gorgeous and dark and the writing is everything I want in a supernatural high school horror story. And this is with me being lukewarm on zombies normally.
I loved the first trade of Wicked + Divine, but am behind on that too . . .
My dude is a huge fan of both Pretty Deadly and Bitch Planet, so I need to read those soon too.
I also recently read the first trade of Southern Bastards and it appealed to the gritty neo-southern-gothic part of me.
I’m trying to find some really good horror comics, actually. Recently, we’ve gotten through the first volumes of Nailbiter, Revival, and the one about the guy who has some kind of demon-exorcising power while also really attracting possessions in people around him? I’m blanking on the title or any other details right now, but I promise it’s better than I just made it sound. OH. And also Wytches which is stunning, but I misplaced my copy about halfway through, so I can’t vouch for the ending but the first half is amazing.
(I’m reading this and thinking it all seems kind of at odds with the fact that I used to be a huge DC reader before New 52. Specifically, I used to read all the Superman titles.)
(Don’t get me wrong, I still love Supes very much and kinda want to fight anyone who tries to convince me he sucks.)
I just picked up a couple Bitch Planet issues and I’m excited to read them.
Anyone else very excited for Daniel Clowes’ new book Patience?
print comics I keep up with are:
Lumberjanes – eagerly awaiting vol. 3
Ms. Marvel
Saga
Sex Criminals – there’s a sale on comixology for any interested?
The Unbeatable Squirrel Girl – I just introduced my bff to this I’M SO PROUD
I’ve been behind on Hellboy since I was introduced to it via the movies and I bought that Image Humble Bundle from a couple months ago but I haven’t really gone through it yet. Really pumped for Black Panther, Snotgirl, the Legend of Korra comics and the new Dan Clowes!
I don’t read many, but Princeless is pretty great.
If you’re into podcasts, Fangirl Happy Hour talk about comics fairly often. They’ve definitely discussed Wicked + Divine, Lumberjanes and Ms Marvel, I forget what else. I’ve also heard good things about Jay & Miles X-Plain the X-Men, but haven’t listened to it. And Tansy Rayner Roberts reviews a lot of comic first issues on her blog
One of my good friends is OPENING A COMIC SHOP. And it’s WALKING DISTANCE FROM ME: http://www.opb.org/news/article/woman-friendly-co…
I am so excited!! And I offered to be free grunt labor when she starts setting up the place.
Food (both actual foods and/or your feelings about it) discussion thread?
I’m not a picky eater–I’m willing and able to try and enjoy new foods, and there’s not many factors that would make food completely inedible for me. However, I have a difficult time finding food that I’m willing and able to eat on a consistent basis. Every once in a while? Sure! Every day, or every week? Not so much. Which is a problem, because as a single person anything I make or order from a restaurant is going to result in 3-7 servings (and going to have to reheat well), and I’m just..not on top of stuff enough to constantly juggle a bunch of different things to eat in general.
Is this how people normally feel, and they just vary what they eat a lot? It this not how people normally feel? How do you do food?
I tend to eat the same thing every day for a period of time until I hate it and can’t look at it anymore, right now I’m stuck in a rut of hating everything I normally eat but being unable to think of anything new to eat.
Breakfast in particular is proving tricky, I have to eat breakfast for various I’dkillsomeoneifIdidn’t reasons, but I’m so done with porridge now because I’ve been eating it every morning since september-ish. Last summer I went through a granola and yoghurt phase, but its too hard and sharp and hurts my mouth, and toast/bread is out because it gives me stomach cramps (Not that that stops me, but I can’t do it regularly).
WHY IS FOOD SO MUCH WORK.
I relate to this SO HARD. I have to eat breakfast, too, or else I won’t have enough energy to get through the day. I ate oatmeal for a while until I simply couldn’t, tried yogurt but it was too sour for the morning, bagels were tasty but not very filling…
At the moment I’m having success with bran cereal and granola, because the milk softens it up enough that it’s not too dry, but there’s still enough texture left that I don’t feel like gagging. I really hope I don’t get tired of this anytime soon because then I’ll be out of options. Good luck on your hunt for an adequate breakfast!
I find that I must have carbs in the morning; and if I don’t I end up buying a pastry/muffin on the way into work.
Oats are pretty good for the carbs, but they still don’t give me that lovely filled feeling you get from bread based food (I. love. croissants.). I’ve recently gone back to buying cows milk instead of almond milk and putting in it with the oats before I cook them so that my porridge is nice and creamy, it helps a bit but I’m gonna have to find a new solution soon!
(If I could be bothered to be organised enough I would do pancakes or breakfast muffins or something but I’m in a non-baking funk atm)
I find that oats are far more filling with a big’ol spoonful of coconut oil or butter or whatever. Just a big glob of fat.
Also I like to add things like pumpkin spice mix or fresh-ground cardamom or cinnamon or raisins….
Ugh, breakfast! Especially on work days when I can’t wake up slowly.
To get through the day without being headachy/starving/snacking on all the random stuff that accumulates in my office, I really need to have some kind of protein for breakfast, although usually all I want are bread-y carbs.
I get bored of eating the same thing more than 2 or 3 times in a row too. It is my dream to set up a leftover exchange so that I wouldn’t have to eat all of my own leftovers. It will never happen because I’m a super picky eater, but that doesn’t stop me from planning one in my head (I think a lot about free rider problems).
in terms of not being able to eat the same thing consistently, do you mean the same prepared dish, or the same ingredient prepared a few different ways?
one thing you might do is make stuff you can freeze and rotate. soups and casseroles are pretty good for this, or even packing meats with marinades that just need to thaw and then be cooked, can make it easy to get a nice rotation without doing the prep every time.
another thing that might work is a foundation dish that you add different flavors to, like maybe the basis of a chopped salad, where you add, say farro & beans to one day and broiled chicken to another?
Mostly the same prepared dish. The problem with using something (like a chopped salad) as a base is that I’d need to think of (and acquire, and eat before they go bad) a number of different ingredients, which I don’t really feel capable of coordinating. I have trouble remembering what I have on hand and what needs to be eaten before it goes bad, so if I have a ton of things in my fridge and freezer, a number of them are going to go bad before I remember to eat them. I’d really like to overcome this problem, but I haven’t figured out how to yet.
I have this problem, so it’s not just you! Part of it is my fibro + other cocktail of issues, so how I feel and what I can cope with eating on any given day is pretty erratic. Then I’m super-sensitive to food textures, which can be a challenge for reheating. I also get what I think of as food boredom–it’s very hard for me to eat a whole meal of something–pasta, salad, casserole, etc;no matter how hungry I am, I just can’t deal with anymore. But at the same time, cooking for one AND managing a meal made up of component parts–a protein, a starch, two veggies–seems to require superhuman amounts of timing and way too many dishes.
I’m doing a big re-org of my disaster of an apartment (move + immediately getting a second job + illness + depression = apartment chaos) so I’m hoping after that I can at least try to work on my cooking again.
That sounds awful. Good luck with the reorg and the cooking! I don’t know what food texture problems you have, but I’ve been having a lot of luck reheating stuff in a pan with a lid on it. Especially stuff like pizza, paninis, and quesadillas, they get warm on the inside and crispy on the outside, which is a lot more edible (for me) than when they’re microwaved or warmed up in the oven.
>result in 3-7 servings (and going to have to reheat well)
Yeah I run into this problem with soup a lot. I don’t have a solution other than power through it. The other problem is that I can and will eat 3-7 servings of food in a night.
Left to my own devices I basically live on pasta with stuff on it. I keep trying to break this habit, but when tired or bored….there I am, slurping a too-big bowl of angel hair. My other mainstays tend to be toast and cereal.
YES. I’ve always preferred carbs over basically anything else. Mmmm toast.
I live with three other girls, two of whom regularly forget to eat and don’t seem to “have” to eat. While I know that food is actually necessary for survival, it can be a little disorienting to hear them talking like that all the time. (“Oh right, I forgot to eat!” and meanwhile I’m making meal #3 of the day.)
Wow, yes. If I’m hungry I might manage to forget to eat for all of, like, 20 minutes, but my functionality and mood decrease so dramatically that it’s not something I can forget for long.
Me too!
You must live with younger versions of my mother. I get hangry if I don’t eat like 10 minutes after I feel hungry, she’ll forget to eat for days, and then feel like crap and not know why until someone asks her when the last time she ate was.
The Burgomaster is not normally a big eater and he takes Adderall for ADD so he forgets to eat all the time which makes me (irrationally) irritable because I think about eating constantly and ugh.
The concept of not thinking about food at all is SO foreign to me. I can’t even fathom it.
I ate something that disagreed with me about half an hour ago (four days of restaurant eating while on vacation and my bowels are not happy with me at the mo’) but I’m still thinking “well so what can I make for dinner?”
I do the same exact thing. I also often find myself thinking “wow, my stomach hurts–maybe if I have fruit/cheese/a bagel/chocolate I’ll feel better.”
i’m guilty of having said this when i was young & stressed and working like crazy, and the truth is, i didn’t “forget” so much as, i think stress used to be an appetite suppressant for me and i’d get tunnel vision and work through what should have been a lunch break [which was never at lunch time, since i was a am-school / pm-work kinda person].
but now all that’s changed [no more stress appetite suppressant]. i still forget to eat, but it’s more like, i’m running late and should eat something and then i panic and leave for where i have to be and realize i haven’t eaten. it sucks and i hate myself every time i do this.
I love food, and cooking, and talking about food, but have very specific ideas of what I like and how I like it – mainly home made, non-processed everything, because that’s how I grew up, and I worry that it makes me come off as snobbish when I won’t eat something someone has grabbed in the freezer section. I don’t care what other people eat! I just know I won’t like it. #probablyneedlessworry
I was raised on mostly ‘good’ food, and I’m finding as I get older I can actually taste the additives and extra sugar in processed food and its horrible! I totally agree, I know when I won’t like something if its too ‘cheaply’ made, so much food is either too sweet or too salty for me now! And don’t get me wrong, I love sweet and salty food (frequently together), but I don’t like overly sweet or overly salted when its masking the lack of quality in ingredients. (Unfortunately this has ruined dominos pizza for me now. its so salty!!)
I once bought MSG out of curiosity. I found that a tiny sprinkle improved the flavor of things dramatically….and any more made everything (even high-quality whole foods) taste cheap and processed.
same here, and while i don’t know what other people think of me, i find it’s hard to communicate with people who think it’s nuts to cook more than one meal a week.
I also love cooking and eating and talking about food, and mostly eat home-cooked non-processed food, because I had a realization a couple of years ago that life is too short to eat crappy food that doesn’t taste good. However, I still have love for some of the various processed foods of my youth, so I don’t think of myself as snobbish about it. But ask my mom? She’ll tell you I’m snobbish.
One thing that I don’t get – that hybrid style of cooking where a bunch of pre-made things are combined? Like that blonde lady who does that show called The Half-Ass Gourmet? or something? Why even use things like nasty jarred garlic? It takes two seconds to chop garlic, it’s cheap and easy to keep around. Taste your components, people! If an ingredient doesn’t taste good on it’s own, its not going to improve your dish. /rant
I once had a coworker who became allergic to dairy, and as the resident vegan I was asked for advice. This coworker had previously ONLY lived on TV dinners and breakfast cereal, and therefore had zero experience cooking. I gave her an older vegan cookbook where everything was really simple food, and between that and learning to bake chicken breasts she was pretty happy, but she admitted that she always replaced the required garlic in recipes with garlic powder. And I had to take a deep breath and smile and say, “if you like it, that’s all that matters.” I’m honestly not sure she even owned a cutting board..
I am by nature a human garbage disposal. I love beautifully-prepared, healthful food, but I also would eat an entire bag of Dolly Madison Powdered Sugar Gem Donuts back before I acquired my current collection of allergies and intolerances. I love to eat, I’m not picky, I would try anything once (before my allergies started), and I can consume vast quantities of food (I’m one of those people who lacks the chemical trigger telling her she’s full). I also have a obsessive-compulsive eating disorder that I’ve been managing okay for the last ten years or so.
Soooo…yeah. I have a complex relationship with food.
Definitely hanging out in this thread to see other people’s responses. Thanks for the topic!
i like this topic! i’m not a picky eater, and have only found a few things i’m not into. however, i don’t know if it’s my feelings about food, or my feelings about how certain foods affect my body [which i admittedly resent] that creates the feelings.
when i was young, i could eat anything without affecting my weight. at some point, that changed, and now i have to really watch it. i have some theories about things that may have contributed to this, but none of it is reversible, so i’ve just cut certain things from my daily diet, and relegated them to the “sometimes” list. most of these are bready-carbs.
it’s been kind of a long process, but i do have some pretty good grain-free strategies that are still satisfying to me. i like to start with a green smoothie, which is always kale-lemon-ginger-apple, with hemp seeds. that goes with me on the commute, and then i bring little breakfast things i can snack on until lunch time.
i’ve got some great coconut-flour muffin & bread recipes that allow me to have a cake-like snack to-go, i make nut & seed bars & crackers in various flavors [think kind bars or go-raw flax-snax, stuff like that]. i like chia puddings with fruit in place of a morning yogurt/granola. i tend not to do eggs unless i’m working at home, so i’m thinking of how i can make those little quiche cups in muffins with eggs & veggies & cheese and pack them to go.
so, when i’m excited about these things, or find a new thing to make, i’m all into it and sticking to it is a lot more successful. it’s when i get bored that i look around and there’s always a cookie i’m not supposed to eat, just sitting there. which is where the feelings come in. i’m frustrated that i have to choose between being far more strict with my diet than i ever would have thought necessary just to not put myself in the position of gaining weight.
Yesterday I got rejected for a job half an hour after I sent the application.
WHEEE.
Once I went to an interview and walked out and checked my email and there was rejection waiting for my in my inbox. How bad could I have possibly been that they rejected me between leaving the interview and getting to my car a 3-minute walk away????
Yikes. That sounds like they were just going through the motion and already knew who they wanted. But talk about harsh!
Wow. Ouch. I’m so sorry.
Oh me, I feel you in a similar way. I applied for a really great job, spent lots of time putting together a cover letter, send it along, and a day later “oh we’re sorry, that posting was filled some time ago.” THEN WHY IS IT STILL POSTED?!! Job hunting sucks.
I know! Apparently this group had also filled it some time ago and my application reminded them to close the posting. Ugh.
Oof, I feel ya. Hugs and commiserations, and treat yourself to something nice today.
Yesterday I got a rejection email for a position that I applied to in December!
I did once get a rejection letter for a job the day after I signed my employment contract for that same job. (They made me apply twice for reasons I forget now.)
This just happened to me, too! Rejected from a job I applied to in December. The rejection felt like a stranger walked up to me and said, “Remember when you smiled at a stranger three months ago? That was me AND I AM NOT INTERESTED.”
ugh, yes! It’s like I assumed after a few weeks or a month they just didn’t respond if they weren’t interested and made peace/moved on, and then it’s like O HAI, we figured you needed a reminder of how much you suck!*
*you meaning me, not you nbdgy.
Those are the best, aren’t they? My record was an hour and a half, which I still found impressive.
My uncle asked around and got me an interview a few years ago, and I went in and thought it was going well. I spoke to the guy in charge of hiring for half an hour, then 2 other people who worked there showed me around the office for another.
Later I got a rejection letter (super basic, not personalized) that was dated the same day as the interview.
If they were going through the motions because someone got me the interview and they weren’t really interested, I could understand that, but then why wouldn’t they make it a short interview? Why spend an hour and a half getting my hopes up? I’m not even upset at this point. I’m genuinely still totally confused by it.
I had a similar experience this week and it was one of those jobs that require inputing your resume into their special form so filing out the application was quite time consuming. The least they could have done is sent the rejection a week later so I could feel like my time spent wasn’t a complete and total waste.
Can someone please explain to me the role that No Face plays in “Spirited Away,” without posting pictures? I could Google this like a normal person but I am Delicate and I swear I saw the mask lurking around my apartment for weeks after I saw the movie.
If this is not what you mean by explain the role, please feel free to ignore, but:
I see No Face as a spirit of loneliness masked as greed. They want to be welcomed and needed, but they don’t know how to do that without bribing someone, and then they don’t trust the welcome and so they feel lonelier than ever and try to fulfill the loneliness by eating people, so then people respond to THEM with greed (for gold) and fear (of being eaten), which makes them hungrier and lonelier and greedier.
Chihiro starts to break this cycle by refusing the bribe of gold (which I get), and by giving them the healing whateveritis that makes them barf up everyone they have eaten (which I don’t totally get), but they aren’t totally content until they meet the sister-witch and she gives them a way to help around the house, a way to be useful and needed.
Also YES they are the character to whom I relate most in the movie WHY DO YOU ASK
I’ll add to that that No Face is a bit of a blank slate who is then “corrupted” by absorbing things (literally and figuratively) from the inhabitants of the bath house, basically consuming everything it can and using, like you said, greed and fear in place of real connection. The barfing part I see as No Face purging itself of the false self it had created and returning back to a pure state, at which point it starts fresh by finding companionship first with Chiriho and then with Zeniba, and in doing so finds a satisfying way to exist.
Yes, I like this version as well.
I have read two interpretations but can’t find links. One is that he is neutral or good and is trying to warn Chihiro/Sen because the bathhouse (in early Japanese history) was linked with sex trade (it was indentured servitude in any case for Sen). The offer was to give her funds to buy her freedom. The other is that he wanted to buy her virginity, but in that case, I think he would have offered the tokens etc. to Yubaba, not to Sen.
Thank you all SO much! This is exactly what I needed – I kind of invited myself to watch the movie again with a friend, but I couldn’t remember what No Face was supposed to represent (sorry, I could have worded my initial post better). I only remembered it as a sad, lonely character that wanted someone to love it, but the complexity of the character escaped me, and I thought maybe arming myself with a better understanding going in would help. I guess I’ll find out if/when I screech when a headlight from the street sweeps across my bedroom at night.
in an interview maybe in Positif (?) Miyazaki noted that Kaonashi keeps trying to get Chihiro to want things she doesn’t want, much like a spirit of capitalism. (You could maybe also make the bathhouse/brothel argument that he could be trying to pull her into adolescence, which she also doesn’t want?). Quelling his desires seems to bring everyone relief.
I also made my WORST EVER FOOD last night. It was a skillet version of stuffed cabbage and IT SUCKS. I should have know not to cheat on my grandmother’s time consuming recipe. Somehow this was slimy and eggy and tasteless and actively revolting ALL AT ONCE. One of the very few things I’ve ever thrown away rather than eat.
D:
Sorry, that totally sucks.
CABBAGE! Get thee to soup or fish tacos (because everything else takes work with you, sheesh). Sorry about your failed stuffed cabbage, I’m sure your filling would’ve been stellar if not for the pouty cabbage.
Yesterday one of my coworkers made Bailey’s cheesecake cupcakes for Saint Patrick’s day and I was PRETTY EXCITED, but then I tried one and it was one of the worst things I’ve ever eaten. I think she forgot sugar AND vanilla? I felt really badly throwing it out, so I hid it under the other things in my trashcan JUST IN CASE she came into my office to…dig through my…garbage?
LOL
A couple years ago I made a beautiful pumpkin pie for Thanksgiving. And I used evaporated milk, thinking it was condensed milk, so I didn’t use any additional sugar. My poor family ate their tasteless pie in silence, while I sat there going ohmygodwhatdididowrong. So embarrassing!
This year at Christmas my grandmother forgot to put the sugar in her pumpkin pies. I got to have a slice the day before as a treat because I love her pies so much. I ate the whole slice while silently freaking out about what to do, as my parents and grandparents watched. I did tell her about 30 minutes later because I realized it was the only option, given that everyone else would be eating the same pie the next day! I felt sooooooooooooo bad! (ETA because I knew how hard she worked on the pies and I didn’t want her to feel bad)
Noooooooo! What a sad story.
It sounds a lot like https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mx5Wpqf4-OM
Charlie Cox is adorable and I want to put him in my pocket and he can be my pocket human for reasons.
His lips! *fans self*
MY HAIRY SON
All I can think about while watching Daredevil is how much I want to make out with him.
Those liiiiiiiips(/eyes/face/body/ass/you know the drill)!!!
Toasties, I Am Not Well.
I have a cold sent to me directly by Cthulhu (he looks like he’s capable of sending out particularly dreadful colds). I am dying.
Also, I am flying to ‘murica in two days. I’ve been panicking over Things pretty much non-stop. This Travelling Thing might not be for me.
Also, my conference paper is not even half-way finished and I my brain hurts, and I can’t even concentrate on lying in bed properly. I just want to stay in bed forever.
EDIT:
I can’t believe that I forgot to ask. My brain is muddled. My nose has taken over. Wah. Soo…
Do you have any good audio book recs for my flight? Preferably gentle, soothing stories that allow for my still not quite restored brain and a bit of escapism…
I have that cold. Curse you, viruses!
Dreadfully behind on all responsibilities. (crawling back into cave w/NyQuil)
Feel better and breathe through this temporary insanity! I bet you will do amazingly at that conference, even if you feel like death.
Watch out for Trump in ‘murica though….
I mean, you have probably already read them a zillion times, but the Harry Potter audio books are really good.
Meal planning and grocery budgeting ahoy!
Last week, we got our tax refund, so I set aside about $125 to stock up on ginormous bags of rice, beans, lentils, that kind of thing, in addition to paper products and personal care items. The local Indian grocery store has big bags stuff that come out to be much cheaper per pound than at Wegmans, but of course that means a bigger up-front cost, so it’s not always doable week to week. So I’m feeling pretty good about front-loading my groceries. This week I came in just at $50, though, and I feel like I could do much better.
Meal plan for this pay period:
Potato curry with coconut, leftover pea and spinach curry as veggie
One-pot lentil and potato curry (posted the recipe last week, so yum)
Braised Sichuan noodles with green beans and tofu skin
Black beans and rice
Tofu stir fry with bok choy and rice
Sweet potato enchiladas, leftover rice and beans
Red lentil curry with bell peppers, rice
Potato and onion curry with maybe some farro or spelt instead of rice, peas or bok choy
Bell pepper and pea curry, rice or bread
Black bean enchiladas from freezer, rice or leftover rice and beans
Grocery list:
Produce:
Garlic $1
Green beans, two handfuls $2
bok choy $2
Sweet potatoes, 2 big ones $3
Mixed bell pepper bag $6
White potatoes 5lbs $1.99 (yes I love Wegmans!)
Onions $2
Dairy
Giant block of cheese $5
Small thing of plain yogurt $.50
Pantry
Dark soy sauce $3.50
PB $1.99
Tomatillo salsa $3
Freezer
Lo mein noodles $2.99
Other
Soap $3.50
Toilet cleaner $1.99
TP $8.99
Oh my gosh, you are so good at budgeting! I am impressed!
Really glad to show this week the door. Got my blood drawn and got home to a phone call: “You need to come back and give us more, and also pick a pharmacy because we’ve got a ‘scrip for you.” This is of course a GOOD thing, but since I went with the assumption they’d be phoning to tell me they had never met a person more healthy in the history of health and were assigning someone to write a ballad about it to encourage others, this was something of a letdown. Oh, and it necessitates a bunch more follow-ups, which get tiresome when you’re tired to begin with and walking there besides. 😛 In better news, I think that photo above is the Vegetable Salad of My Life, and very much wish I was eating it right now.
Half of my office has decided to bond as a team via three months of very unhealthy fad dieting. I don’t anticipate them lasting that long but this has me really hoping that I get hired for the job I interviewed for last week, because I am not down with this thing where women are supposed to bond over body shame.
Like why is this such a thing?
Omg. What is the diet, out of morbid curiosity? I’m imagining “you all eating together in the break room” and them shunning you/self hating/hating you as they share like a vitamin water and you have a gyro with mozzarella sticks.
It’s some bizarre starvation diet challenge one of them found on Facebook, where they *have* to eat fish and citrus daily and green vegetables, and also have to give me crap for my morning can of Coke and loudly brag about how weight is pouring off them.
I honestly think they got it off a thinspo page, because of the specificity of what’s banned.
Fish, citrus, and green vegetables are tasty and healthy! But my god not the only foods a person should eat!! Why must the world ruin a good thing and turn nice food into unhealthy “diets” where you just don’t eat and take out your hungry misery on everyone around you.
That sucks a lot. Sorry friend. 🙁
Yeah, on the one hand I’m like “those are delicious things and now I want garlic bok choy and a bowl of rice” and on the other it’s like “variety is good, so is eating food you don’t hate”.
uuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhh. I don’t know why people do this, but I have never seen it be anything but self-deprivation and feeling terrible about eating habits and body image. it is garbage, and you have my sympathy.
I know at my company, people get monetary incentives for participating in their assorted “wellness” programs. As a result, I’m constantly hearing people (primarily women) lamenting how fat they are (for the record, I am literally fat, the kind of fat that makes people angry), how “bad” they were for eating, like, two cookies, how many fucking steps they’ve taken…and that’s pretty much all they discuss. And it’s sad to me.
My company does the same, and I think it definitely fuels these periodic panics. It’s so frustratingly counterproductive, since binge dieting is soooooo much more damaging than carrying a few extra pounds. But I guess so long as we assign moral value to a person’s size, what is actually best for them doesn’t matter. 😐
I’m the admin in our office, so my desk is kind of at the front of our cubicle area with a counter ledge on it, so anytime someone brings in donuts or cookies or whatever, they end up on my desk counter ledge. Which I don’t mind in general, but it gets wearying listening to almost everyone come up and go “I’m being bad” or “Boy, I sure don’t need this” or “I guess I’ve have to go to the gym later” or say something self-deprecating about their body.
And one of these days, I feel like I’m going to snap and just tell them, “Dude. It’s one cookie. Chill.” Or cheerfully point out to them that they’re saying this in front of someone who’s definitely fatter than they are, thanks, guys. (Not that I feel bad because I like my body just fine, but, yeah, it’s just . . . sad to me too.)
A friend of a friend, after learning that I run/bike/occasionally get off the couch, said, “Oh, you can eat anything you want because you do those things!” I snapped back, “No, I can eat anything I want because I am an adult and make my own food decisions.”
Somehow, we did not ourselves become friends after that.
Ditto in so many ways – I’m really sorry. It’s hard to maintain perspective in that kind of situation!
Fucking hell, the steps thing. My boss is obsessed with his FitBit and is constantly announcing how many steps he’s logged, whether he’s behind on that day, blah blah blah. It is so boring and so self-important.
There is SO much of this kind of talk among the women in my office. And it just gets on my nerves when I’m eating a croissant and someone’s makes comments about how they wish they could eat like that or they should stay away from stuff like that, and the implicit message is “what you’re eating is something to be guilty of” and I hate it
In my place there will be a potluck and I’ll make a delicious dessert I’m proud of and they all heckle me for making it? As if it’s in good fun but they never drop the act… like they truly resent my brownies, that I made for them, that they are eating.
Oh my god YES. I used to bring desserts over to a neighbor’s place when we had dinner together, and she ALWAYS got fake mad about it. So once I didn’t bring anything over and she whined “why didn’t you bring any desserts?!” RAGE.
I tend to bring fruit and cheese, because that way there’s at least one thing I can eat at a potluck. People will go on and on about how healthy I am for bringing fruit and it’s like
people
Apples are just delicious okay.
A bit OT, but potluck reminded me about this one douchey guy that would comment at a supposedly progressive site. He was only progressive about the things that applied to him, which meant that he was, among other things, openly contemptuous of women and fat people. He was also a very moralistic vegetarian who would go off on these long rants like how a restaurant deliberately served him meat samosas instead of the veggie ones he ordered, rather than considering the possibility that someone made a mistake since all the samosas look the same on the outside.
Anyway, he was talking about a potluck at work. I got the impression he worked at a place with lots of women, maybe since I can’t see a place of mostly dudes having a potluck. So he complains bitterly that ALL the dishes, save his contribution, had meat in them. I sniggered and thought, “So the women you work with think you’re an asshole too, eh?” Since I’ve never been to a potluck where there wasn’t some conversation about who was bringing what so everyone didn’t bring the same thing, and even if there was no such conversation, I can picture a bunch of women all opting to bring salads, but the idea of all the women bringing meat seems highly unlikely.
The ONLY acceptable comment on someone else’s food is “my that looks delicious.” I make a lot of salads at work for lunch, and am constantly fending off “ooh, so healthy” and “you’re making me feel guilty.” My response is total silence and non-acknowledgement until they say something sensible.
Hey man, at the second (my first) meeting of our feminist book club a member announced she could not eat snacks because she was getting married in July, and I was like “GIVE ME THE SNACKS I’M GETTING MARRIED IN MARCH AND I NEED TO FILL OUT MY WEDDING DRESS” and I’m super fucking annoyed that she brought this shit into feminist book club of all places.
I hate it when it has to be public too — like good for you and your fad diet but I don’t need you to broadcast it so I’m either constantly battling guilt or constantly being irritated at you. Or both.
this story and all of those in the replies tell such a deeply sad story about the shame that’s stamped on all of us about our bodies and the way we eat. I have so rarely encountered people with healthy relationships with food and people have this terrible habit of dragging others down with them, hence the sort of comments that will make you feel shitty about the way you eat (especially when you’re trying really hard to recover from an eating disorder).
…I guess I don’t have much to contribute except an “I feel you”. Refusing to take part in the circle-jerk of self loathing is a really tough but really important call to make.
Whenever ppl talk about feeling “guilty” for eating “bad for you” food, I like to remind them that consuming desserts is not really a question of morality, but if they want to talk about the ethics of the industrialized farming practices that torture animals so we can have way more meat and dairy than humans could possibly ever need to conume…
Generally people go away instead of taking me up on it 😉
Toasts, today I listened to Hamilton for the first time. I am head over heels.
Will be in NYC, DC and Boston in June, so I tried to get Broadway tickets for it, but it seems to be sold out? Does it really sell out that quickly? D:
But on the plus side, if there is a toast meetup in those cities 1-14 June, I’d love to meet some peeps. Is there a Facebook group?
Alexander HAMILTON Alexander HAMILTON
I think the entire run may be sold out (?) through the official channels, and the resellers jack up the prices like crazy, but I saw it a couple weeks ago and it’s worth getting creative/rich/trying the lottery while you’re in town: https://hamiltonlottery.broadwaydirect.com/show/h… GOOD LUCK
Is it not an open-ended run? Is there a closing date already?
It is an open-ended run, but tickets are only on sale through January 2017, and that entire block is sold out. Tickets for blocks of time further in the future will go on sale as the dates get closer.
I have tickets for this September, which were the closest we could get when buying them last November.
Thank you! Lottery ahoy!
I bought tickets for my 40th birthday (August 2016) in October 2015 and half the theater was already sold.
It is a thing.
Damn! I should have been more organised 🙁
I think it is fully sold out through November or January at this point, in NYC.
Oh, yeah, tix through official channels have been gone for a long time, but you could either try re-sale in June, sign up to get an email for when the next block of tix goes on sale (which would go further into 2017), or (depending on where you live) keep an eye out for the Chicago production (open-ended, starting Sept. of this year) or additional national tour. It’s been hard to keep track of the cities announced so far, but starting in 2017 it will be in San Francisco, LA, Atlanta, Arizona I think (Tempe or Phoenix?) and more to come. And probably London in like 2018? I’m seeing it on Broadway on June 29 but we bought our tickets on October 16 of last year! (And it’s all thanks to my friend’s mom who knows Broadway and goes all the time.) I’m also hoping to catch the tour in DC.
To be clear, I’m just blatantly assuming the tour comes to DC by 2018. I don’t actually know for sure!
It had fucking well better!
Yeah, I bought my tickets before the national hysteria set in. Pretty sure it’s sold out through the end of the current run. Best of luck with the lottery, though, and I hope you have a great time on your visit!
You’ve come over to the Hamiltoast side. Welcome. You won’t be able to stop listening, sorry in advance.
Yes, there are tickets available through resellers at this point, but none directly from the box office.
Enjoy your travels!!!!
How I managed to get my ticket: Stalked the Hamilton Facebook page, Broadway.com, and several other Broadway-related sites and when one of them said “HAMILTON TICKETS NOW ON SALE,” I immediately bought one and built my entire NYC trip around it. At that time it was six months in advance, but I think the wait is much longer now. This is not helpful to you except to say “That’s how to see Hamilton right now.”
The run is open-ended, but tickets are sold out through Sept. 2017 (and they have not yet opened up sales for past then). With the exception of the completely crazypants resale tickets, which I…wouldn’t advise.
But ADVICE, and hope is not lost, you just need some advance planning: Sign up for email alerts, or follow LMM on Twitter, and the day that they open up the next block of tickets (presumably starting for September 2017?), snap some up and plan a trip around what you can find.
Hey, thank you to all the Hamiltoasts who replied! I see a Hamilton life requires célérité and daring. (‘Just like my country I’m young, scrappy and hungry, i am not giving up my shot’)… Excited to have come to the Hamilton side! I live in Brussels, so I hope to catch it in London if NY doesn’t work out!
BUT I would love to see you on my trip Stateside, regardless!
Wishing you all a lovely weekend 🙂
Ugh, my oldest brother and his new wife are staying with us this weekend and I am so glad I am at work and not doing touristy things with them today. Like, we had a fun time talking for several hours last night, but he also didn’t tell me until like midnight that he ONLY drinks half-and-half in his coffee, and my 2% is NOT ACCEPTABLE. Like, dude, maybe you should have mentioned that before you arrived? Because someone’s gonna have to run to the bodega in the morning, and it’s not gonna be me. On the plus side, they were both still asleep when I left for work, which means I won’t have to see them until I get home. AND they’re getting dinner with a cousin, so I won’t even actually have to spend time with them until even later! \o/
I just want to affirm that the half and half thing is rude, obnoxious guest behavior. I hope he finds his way to the bodega all on his lonesome and doesn’t give you shit about it.
(I’m firmly in the “be gracious and accept what your host has unless it’s actively poisonous to you” school.)
Ha, oh, no, he’d never lower himself to get his own half-and-half; his wife will pick it up for him.
His wife who is also a guest and presumably not so damn picky? Dude. No. Ugh. But at least it’s not you!
Yep. I like her a lot, but I have no idea what she sees in him.
Houseguests are the WORST.
ok I know no one will probably see this, BUT my dumbass brother didn’t even take our spare key with him when they went out (I did not know this, but waited up until 1am anyway because it’s the polite thing to do), and when they got home at 2am I was dead to the world and also their phone calls. It’s a good thing they had my husband’s number (he says they were apparently very apologetic), because otherwise they’d have had to find a hotel for the night. Which, honestly, it would’ve served them right.
Any Toasties have recommendations of KPop artists for a beginner? I saw some snippets recently and LOVED them, but I have no idea where to start! I trust Toasties in all things, so I figured if anyone could help, it would be here.
Personally, I loooooove Infinite. The fandom tends to agree that ‘The Chaser’ is peak music for them, but I am fonder of ‘Paradise.’ Their discography is fairly 80s inspired though, so if you don’t like that you may want to look into someone else. Another stellar group is F(x) (Pink Tape is my fave album of theirs, but Red Light is also fantastic). If you like F(x) you should look into Red Velvet as they have similar songs. Shinee’s recent stuff is also quite good.
Who you will like will also likely depend on what kind of music you gravitate toward. What kind of music do you like?
Epik High (Love Love Love and Fan are two of my favorites there)
Big Bang (Fantastic Baby is one of their best)
I also like Super Junior (Sorry Sorry was their biggest hit, but a lot of their stuff is pretty fun) and DBSK/TVXQ (pre-break-up… Mirotic is an outstanding song.)
YouTube is a great rabbit hole to fall down. Just keep following recommended links.
Also, Eat Your Kimchi has a K-Pop Mondays feature.
Epik High! “One” was the theme song to my junior year of high school.
The Toast ran a couple articles a while back with suggestions and talked about the bands a bit, in addition to links to their music. A Guide to K-Pop Guy Groups and A Guide to K-Pop Girl Groups. Personally, I like Big Bang, Exo-K, and 2NE-1, but my tastes are largely influenced on the stuff my Korean grad student gives me.
I’m super into Girls Generation.
Ailee and Ali (no, not the same thing!)
miss A’s contender for Toast anthem: I Don’t Need a Man https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EkSOOiMDGiY
T-ara often does fun, longer videos usually with a few songs, like Day by Day, their post-apocalypse w/sword-fighting complete a Chosen One https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=brnCe8lL7l4
Toasties Who Co-Habitate!! How do you share a bed with your SO? My live in gentleman and I have a terrible time sharing a bed together, but we are determined to make it work.
Here’s what happening: We moved in together with a fluffy double. He hates the fluff, we both need more room, so we purchased a stiff queen. I get anxious if I don’t fall asleep immediately, so I go to bed first, while gentleman hangs out in the living room for a bit. He always falls asleep on the couch, and then comes to bed anywhere from 1 – 4 am. This wakes me, makes me anxious, and then if I don’t fall asleep, he goes back out to the couch.
I am so done with not being able to share a bed — our snuggle time and intimacy is suffering. Any suggestions?? If I take something for my anxiety, I tend to sleep through his coming in, but I’d prefer not to take something every night. Should I just buy earplugs? Thanks in advance 🙂
i found a white noise machine to be helpful when i was waking up in the middle of the night due to my fiance waking up to pee around 3 am every. dang. night. earplugs work too, but can be kind of uncomfortable if you have small ears.
i think time is also a factor – when we first moved in together i would have nights where i would be unable to fall asleep because he was breathing too loudly/weirdly/snoring/tossing and turning/existing. that happens less and less often, but still does sometimes if i’m overly caffinated or stressed out already.
good luck!! a good night’s sleep is important!
we do keep a baby fan on, but maybe we need a bigger one that is noisier. I hope that this gets better with time — i’ve woken up all but one night this week and i feel like a zombie.
There’s a white noise machine called Dohm that is technically a little fan in a container, BUT I swear to god it works much, much better than a fan, and unlike a fan never starts doing that weird “tickety tickety tickety” thing that drives me BONKERS.
They’re pricier than a fan, but absolutely worth it. They have low and high settings, you can adjust the quality of the sound by turning the vents, they’re well-made enough that you can leave them on for weeks or months at a time and it’ll last for years and years, and the white noise they make is so “white” that it really is easy to leave them on for weeks at a time. We only turn ours off to watch TV in our room.
Yes, I second the time advice, too. It took me a good long while to feel comfortable with another person in my bed! Hope it works well for you soon — sleep deprivation is horrid.
we bought a memory foam mattress a few years ago and that has radically changed my life. firm enough, soft enough, doesn’t let his late-coming movements wake me, perfect in allllllll ways.
Co-sign this – Beardo bought a…hybrid foam, maybe? It’s not the standard memory foam because MF is too squishy for us and is bad for Warm Folks (I’m a furnace when I sleep). Anyway, it has some foam component that makes it so neither of us are bothered if the other is moving around, or get into/out of bed at odd times but still has enough support so I don’t feel like I’m trying to climb out of quicksand every morning. Obviously this isn’t a solution if you’ve already bought a new bed, but a foam topper may be a great interim solution.
Hybrid foam? Because this is my problem rn – we bought memory foam, it is so squishy that it makes my joints ache and my hip sink down to the boxsprings, and I wake up sweaty. But partner loves it. I didn’t know there was a hybrid solution and will have to do some exciting research 😀
Ok – researching further, I think it is actually a latex foam that we have, though a hybrid was under consideration (and might be worth looking into). I’ve been happy with the latex – it’s just soft enough but not too soft, and I’m not usually a sweaty mess in the morning.
I’ll have to look into this! We used to have a huge memory foam topper, but gentleman friend is a furnace and haaaaated it. Maybe something in between would help us.
I don’t have any advice, but your situation is very similar to mine and I can whole-heatedly commiserate.
*hugs* thank goodness for naps!
I would start with earplugs. add a sleep mask if you need to.
I wear a sleep mask. I’ll have to invest in earplugs. thank you.
Earplugs, for sure. I have occasionally destructive misophonia, and MrChouffe makes the weirdest noises in his sleep. Falling asleep after he does is an exercise in stressing myself out more and also in the desirability of cheap earplugs next to the bed.
I will have to get some. My guy snores like a foghorn, and I can’t fall asleep if he is snoring in bed first.
I have similar issues with my boyfriend. He falls asleep immediately and sleeps through anything but constantly wakes me up with his tossing and turning. Someone advised me to get separate sheets and duvets – two twin sheets instead of one queen, so we would each get our own. I’m still trying to convince my boyfriend because he thinks it’s not ~romantic~ but maybe it would be a solution for you!
Two blankets is great.
We do the same! Spouse insists that I am the worst for alligator-death-roll cover hogging. He is probably not wrong on this one…
We actually have a set up where I sleep under the sheets and comforter and he sleeps under a blanket on top of the comforter. It works in terms of comfort!
I second the two blankets idea, then partner getting under the blanket doesn’t wake you. And then you can also cinnamon roll without guilt!
http://www.scandinaviastandard.com/hello-world/
I don’t have advice for this situtation, but I do have advice regarding earplugs: The drugstore brand ones generally come in regular and soft. Buy the soft.
I will keep this in mind!
I had to buy earplugs for smaller ears on amazon. The regular ones hurt like hell, even the soft ones.
My brother and his live-in lady have a bed each, and their bedroom is basically all bed, and they seem very happy about it. The beds are pushed together, so they can swim across and cuddle, but they each sleep alone, which may help you.
In terms of not falling asleep, I watch ASMR videos, but I don’t necessarily recommend bringing screens into your bed. There are ASMR podcasts I believe, or similar.
I want a bedroom of all bed!!
I <3 ASMR videos. I have the phone next to me because I have visual triggers, but I usually end up falling asleep pretty quick. I think for me it also gives me something to focus on when I’m anxious that requires zero thinking, which also helps me fall asleep faster.
I have worn earplugs and an eye mask since college, and I think this really helps me sharing a bed with my husband (though we do go to bed at the same time and have not had too many issues). However, laying waiting to fall asleep, even if I’m exhausted, makes me incredibly anxious so I read for 5-10 minutes to drift off. BUT he can’t sleep with a light on. Took us years to get to this solution, but I finally got a Kindle Paperwhite. Now I put in my earplugs and read quietly, and he passes out in total darkness. If I am in bed first, the earplugs and mask are usually enough to at least dull the impact of his coming in to the room. If I do get woken up, out comes the Kindle usually and I drift back off. Good luck!
Oooo I have avoided e-readers because I am all kinds of gungho about real books, but this may be a good reason to get one. Thanks for the suggestion!
You’re welcome! It was a real game-changer for me, and I’m using it all the time now that my 6-week old gives me many opportunities to try to fall back asleep >.<. Hope this thread helps you! Zzzz’s to you!
Earplugs CHANGED MY LIFE. I think they doubled the amount of actual restful sleep I get (vs. semi-conscious, half-listening-for-weird-noises anxiety sleep). I would recommend them to anyone, anywhere.
I don’t know if “not taking something” applies to all medications or just anti-anxiety meds, but I take benadryl every night to help me fall asleep when I’m with my SO. He snores, and benadryl helps me stay asleep through it. I personally can’t handle stuff in my ears.
Benadryl can worsen nosebleeds if you already have them, but in general it’s supposed to be safe to take every night.
I actually take children’s benadryl when I don’t want to take my anxiety meds. I’d prefer not to take anything at all, as I find both children’s and adult benadryl makes me groggy. But it works!
I worried a lot about sharing a bed when we moved in together, but it has worked out fine for the most part, thankfully. If you’re waking up when he comes to bed late, I think trying to go to bed at the same time is a good thing to aim for. In my case, one of us might go up to bed to read or something before the other, but we put lights out/start trying to get to sleep at the same time, even if that means one of us having to break off their reading of fascinating Toast threads in order to accommodate the other’s desires. It means we get to cuddle a bit before sleeping, and one of us isn’t waking the other in the middle of the night.
hey hey, any Toasts live in the Reno area? i’m moving there!
…..i’m trying to move there. i’m emailing a lot of property managers. this is hard and imma freak out a lot probably. but anyway!
I know blunderbusst does (or at least did), but she hasn’t been around in a while …
Toasties! If you are looking for a fun game to spend hours upon hours playing this weekend… Stardew Valley is where it’s at! You can get it just on Steam I think? If anyone here is already playing, what are you up to? I’m romancing Leah and trying to get through the mines.
Romancing Maru and have recently made it through the mines! It is such a relief to not have to worry about making it to an elevator floor before the end of the day!
And now all that mining is paying off by being a sprinkler system for my spring veggies!
I don’t have a computer that can handle games right now but if I did I would so be playing Stardew Valley. I’ve somehow gotten sucked into a youtuber’s letsplay and it looks like so much fun!
Last time I played harvest moon I had to stop after a couple hours because it reminded me too much of stocking shelves at Target. Would you say stardew has more or less repetitive timed menial labor than harvest moons?
I would say there’s less of it in Stardew Valley. Like you pet your animals, but you don’t have to brush them and pet them and teach your dogs tricks. And after the fist year I mined enough to make sprinklers so i don’t have to spend the entire morning in game time watering which (for me) cuts down drastically on “stocking shelves” aspect.
My husband is obsessed with this game and has got me playing too! I only play a little bit so I’m still trying to get my farm in order but he is very proud that I’ve at least got my cauliflower in the ground!
I love this game so much! I’ve logged 50 hours in three weeks, so it’s basically a part-time job at this point. Going to get married and make my spouse water the plants.
I posted about Stardew Valley last week and nothing has changed, I am still obsessively playing it. The mines get so much easier once you get the super-nice sword but I can’t remember what level it is? Right now I’m trying to upgrade all the buildings and start an orchard, and I’m romancing Sebastian or Penny, I still can’t decide.
Last night I got through year 1 Summer day 5. And I’ve only been playing for less than a week. I should be stressed out by this game–it’s like real life: there’s only so much time in the day, and the hours run out faster than I expect. I keep trying to save enough $$$ for a chicken coop but then I can afford a fruit tree or a million seeds or a 1000G hat (srsly, wtf?) and I spend my money on impulse. I really like foraging (it makes me feel special to find random things I can sell) and I hate fishing.
ETA: Also, like real life, I am antisocial and nobody likes me so no one would dance with me at the flower dance. 🙁
No one would dance with me at the flower dance either!
I started playing two days ago and I’m kind of obsessed. I’m working on saving up enough money to get the chicken coop and the furnace.
I bought this last week when someone mentioned it on open thread, and have since logged 30 hrs playing it despite full time job and a friend visiting. I am very happy with my choices.
Right now I am in winter of first year, getting through the mines, and mainly romancing Sebastian. I’m also working really hard on getting the community center bundles done b/c I want that greenhouse goddammit!
If anyone is having trouble fishing there is an easier fishing mod someone made which basically just makes the fish and bobber movements more steady. I went from having a 1/10 fishing success rate to a 9/10 fishing success rate. You still have to pay attention, but it’s less frustrating.
I was a huuuuge fan of the harvest moon games, but my favorites were the Rune Factory series, which I highly recommend if people want something similar to Stardew. I do love that all of the love interests are bi in Stardew, which was very much not a thing in harvest moon/rune factory.
What. Tell me more about this “easier fishing” sorcery.
I found it via a kotaku article about stardew mods: http://steamed.kotaku.com/stardew-valley-has-some…
and here is the link to the easier fishing mod specifically: http://community.playstarbound.com/threads/easier…
In the comments of the kotaku article someone also links to a person who is making different skins for the pets, ie calico cats and corgis (!!!)
After reading about this game on here on Friday, I bought it and spent pretty much the entire weekend playing it. I am almost in winder of the first year. I actually really like fishing! I hate the mines. I just made it to level 40 though, so at least now I can start getting that sweet iron ore. I am also working really hard to get the community center bundles! I am closest to getting the whole fish bundle. At this point I am just missing 1 lake fish and then two specialty fish. I bought the other two specialty fish from the caravan so I’m hoping they get the other two at some point.
So far my romancing is not very successful. It seems too hard to track people down all the time. I see Leah the most, and she also seems to like foraged gifts, so she has the highest hearts for me so far.
I’ve heard that the guy who made the game also loves the fishing, I’m just easily frustrated. And at some point in the mines you will get a super sword that makes everything much easier.
You are smart to get the fancy fish from the caravan, I just need that one that’s only in the desert, which I haven’t unlocked yet -_-
You definitely have to seek people out in order to romance them, but the cutscenes that happen every 2 hearts are so cute, which is really motivating for me at least.
TOASTIES. I GOT A JOB. Remember how I mentioned last week that I had interviews, and there was one really professional, nice, successful, super-nerdy company that I really wanted to work for and was worried would break my heart? I INTERVIEWED ON TUESDAY AND GOT THE JOB. I get to do science again! With really cool people! In a really cool place! FOR MONIES!!!
Mass Effect dancing gifs follow. Both here and in the reply.
(God damn it Kaidan.)
I live for Kaidan’s stupid little point
I love that, in ME3, they finally settled on a distinct characterization for Kaidan, which is “Uptight-But-Sweet Canadian Dude.” (I’ve seen guys pull that dance move in real life!)
Congrats on your job but mostly I’m happy about the ME gifs tbh
(No but really congrats!! Being paid to do what you really want to do is amazing!)
HOOOOOOOOORAAAAAAAAAAY!
CONGRATULATIONS, this is the best news! I hope you feel so proud of yourself and great!
At the moment, my primary emotion is “THANK GOD I DON’T NEED TO DO ANY OTHER INTERVIEWS.” Then generally goodness. 😀
!!!!!!!!! Oh my gosh!!! I remember my heart being a little sad for you because who ever gets those things?? YOU GET THOSE THINGS
Things are actually working out for a change!! This means I’ll get hit by a car tomorrow!!!!
Aaahaha, saving this one for future use.
WOOOOO! Congrats!
And since you seem to be a fan of both DragonAge and MassEffect (as am I) are there any other similar games you might recommend? I enjoyed the Witcher, and then gave up on the second one because I never had the right traps/equipment/potions and eventually one quest became impossible to beat and drove me nuts.
Thank you! 😀 Ooo, and game recommendations! Always happy to do so!
The third Witcher makes the combat smoother than the second one, and the quests are all really well implemented and interesting, so it might still be worth checking out. It’s super-duper pretty, too. (Ugh, I need to finish it.)
Otherwise, Obsidian is my other favorite purveyor of RPGs with good stories. Fallout: New Vegas is a *lot* of fun, and very well written. Similarly, I love love love their Knights of the Old Republic II, which has really great characters and fantastic ambiguous morality. Just make sure you install the Content Restoration Mod from the steam workshop or elsewhere, since it came out unfinished!
It’s not an RPG, but Saints Row IV is AMAZING, with a strangely progressive tone, awesome characters and main character creation, and hilarious Mass Effect style parody romances. It’s just fun as hell to play, too.
Are there any Toasties who live in/or around Victoria, BC?
My husband had two phone interviews today for positions there. One of them is an internal transfer position and his current boss thinks they will make him an offer. If they do and he accepts we could be moving down there in the next month. (Yay!!!!)
My in-laws live in Victoria and my husband knows a few people there but it will all be very new to me (grew up in small town northern Canada). I guess I’m looking to make some connections there.
So anyone from the Greater Victoria Area, hit me up!
I DO. I love love love Victoria. What do you like to do?!
We are super excited at the possibility of moving to Victoria!
We are two huge comic book, movie and video game nerds. My husband plays ball hockey, I do photography and art and we have a 9 month old baby and a cat. We’re pretty laid back and basic spend weekends walking by the beach with our daughter.
Plus, cherry blossoms!!!
TOASTIES, whatcha makin? Share your artsy/craftsy here! I made a MUG and an Instagram for my pottery journal. HERE IT IS:
OH and my insta is @ruthbaderkilnsburg if y’wanna follow me or whatevs.
A+++ name
Thank you! The universe of cross-over legal and pottery puns is small, but I’m pretty sure this is the best one.
Gorgeous! Will you be selling any of your creations? I’M INTERESTED.
AW BLUSH. Eventually, I’d like to give them away to people in exchange for them donating to something we both care about? ACTUALLY I thought about doing a Toastie give away, like people donate to the Toast and then I send them A Pottery of Their Choice.
That’s such a great idea! If you decide to go with it, I’ll be the first in line to participate!
Brilliant!!
That is a great idea! I bet there are at least a couple of makers (me included) who would go in on that. I don’t have the time to make a ton of stuff but I would for sure contribute a wee cross stitch or 2.
That’s what I thought too! There are so many craftsy Toasties, and this would be a great way to give back. I have e-mailed our Benevolent Overlords (aka Nicole), we shall see what they think!
Hi! Late to the game but I would also definitely be interested! The blue mug on your instagram is gorgeous, you are really talented!
Knitting stuff! I’m working on a scarf/wrap thing and a pair of socks right now. I went to England last week and bought wonderful yarn there, so I need plans on what to do with it! I think I might do a shawl with the gorgeous merino/silk blend I got.
Seconding GreenGrasses…let us know if you sell any of these, cuz I love mugs like those, and that one’s super pretty. :3
Awww, okay, I will post here when I’m ready to start selling or giving away!
Yaaaaaay!
ohhh I have lots of art on insta: @baanoobaanoo
your mug looks great! love that blue stripe.
Your paintings are gorgeous! 🙂
Thank you!
I am still working on baby quilt 1 of 2. The front is pieced but the woman at Joann’s cut 3.5 ft of my backing fabric instead of 1.5 yds and of course that fabric is sold out and my receipt is gone so I’m going to have to piece a back which I haaate. On the plus side, I should be able to finish hanging my quilt design wall tonight which means my studio will be functionally done! I have one tiny wall I want to decorate with misandrist art and that is all that will be left!
Ooh, wall of misandrist art sounds amaaazing.
I love it! those glazes are really pretty 🙂
Ooh, I love that! I just signed up for a beginners ceramics class that starts in a few weeks and I am so excited.
OOH I’m excited for you! The first couple of weeks can be tough because basically the first step you need to do in making stuff is probably the hardest (centering — ie. getting the clay perfectly round in the center of the wheel). But it will come, and then you’ll make beautiful stuff!
That’s wonderful! I love pottery and am friends with several potters and I’m always in awe of that particular art. (I made some bowls on a wheel in high school that were pretty OK, but I think if I attempted a cylinder with a handle it would be a mess.)
I’m a weaver and right now i’m trying to plan a set of towels using a structure that (1) i’ve never done before and (2) I can’t find much information on. Of course, the nice thing about towels is that if I mess it up and they are hideous, they still work just fine as towels. I’m using a slate gray and some bright sherbet colors (pink, green, and orange) in the hopes of creating something summery and happy.
I’ve been meaning to ask a weaver: do people make nice linsey-woolsey? I know the original (aka wincey) was cheap and scratchy, but it seems like linen and a softer wool like merino woven together would be absolutely amazing as a clothing fabric.
Not making anything at the moment, just wanted to say that mug is flipping dope. I love it.
That mug is beautiful and I’m following your instagram immediately!
It’s like those zany paper cups in mug form! I love it!!!
That mug is beautiful!
My craftiness is all sewing right now. This weekend I’m working on some paid sewing projects for other people: Two skirts for a good friend, and re-covering two throw pillows and some pillow shams for a co-worker. I’m excited to actually be making some money off of something I like doing!
I recently scored six yards of a luscious navy blue and cream polka-dot cotton poplin at a local creative re-use store for $2 a yard. I’m using some of it for one of the afore-mentioned skirts for my friend. The rest will probably become a button down shirt and a dress like this one that Julie Delpy wears in Before Midnight: http://www.imdb.com/media/rm4175801600/tt2209418?…
(Sorry, I am not good at links)
Anyway, I have been wanting one for myself ever since I saw that movie.
I finished knitting a neck cowl inspired by my fave Steven Universe character! Photos’n’stuff here: http://aprillikesthings.tumblr.com/tagged/amethys…
Toast, it is my birthday today! I sort of like yet hate telling people it’s my birthday these days. I hate it because they always ask what I’ll be doing and I answer that I’ll be making myself a cake and (this year) watching Daredevil while I eat it. People always seem to think this is a sad way to spend a birthday, but baking fancy cakes and watching good tv are some of my absolute favourite things to do. Sometimes there will be people but I find it lovely to do so on my own as well. I like telling people its my birthday because I do love being told happy birthday tho, so I am conflicted.
Anyway, this has been both a birthday rant and a shameless attempt to receive happy birthdays from Toasties.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
(mine is in 2 weeks and i’m paying it forward)
Happy Birthday! I make my own cake as well, because I prefer homemade and nobody else in my immediate family bakes (yet). This year my children and the Handsome Sidekick sang me ‘Happy Birthday’ for the first time in ages, and it was really awkward. Even though it was my family. I’d forgotten how awkward it feels to stand there and have people sing at you. Or maybe that’s just me.
Anyway, that sounds like a great way to spend your birthday. I mean, it’s your birthday! Surely that’s the one day where you get to eschew others’ expectations and do what’s fun, right?!
Happy birthday!! That sounds like a fantastic day. You do you!
Also, I made SK’s chocolate peanut butter cheesecake and it was fantastic, in case you ever want to mix things up!
Oooh. That sounds like my kind of cake. I will definitely keep that in mind for next year. Or you know, whenever I next want some cake.
Happy Birthday!
That cake looks WONDERFUL.
Happy birthday! Baking, cake, and Daredevil sound like perfect gifts to yourself!
Happy birthday! That sounds like an excellent way to spend the day!
Happy Birthday, Toastie!!
happy birthday! (I live alone and absolutely enjoy celebrating things with solo-TV watching, etc. Have fun!)
Happy Birthday!
Merry birthday!
Hi, happy birthday, it’s my birthday too! Yay us! And our moms! We got born and our moms birthed us!
Happy birthday birthday twin! I hope you get to spend the day doing precisely what you want too!
Edit: There is something about sharing a birthday with someone that immediately makes it feel like some sort of psychic connection exists between yourself and another person isn’t there? (I hope that doesn’t sound creepy…)
Happy birthday lovely! I cannot think of a better way to spend a hbd. Enjoy your cake!!
Happy birthday! People are wrong, you should spend your birthday in your favourite way.
Happy birthday!!! I hope you have a spectacular cake and TV time. Low key birthdays are very underrated. What kind of cake will you be baking?
Happy birthday!!
Happy birthday! That sounds more or less like how I plan on spending mine.
(mine is so close. I can feel it coming for me.)
Happy birthday and many happy returns!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY! Some of my best birthdays were spent solo, treating myself to just what I wanted, so your plans sound great to me!
How appropriate to the subject matter on the Toast this morning! Happy Birthday to you!
I love getting happy birthdays so HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I hope it is all the cake and Daredevil wonderfulness that you could hope for (I say this as someone who bought copious amounts of Chinese food and binge watched Gilmore Girls on my last birthday)
Happy Birthday! One of my absolute favorites was a year when I made a box of brownie mix with zucchini grated in and German chocolate cake frosting on top and watched a ton of Gilmore girls DVDs from the library, so I’m totes jealous of your celebration!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
Happy Birthday! That sounds like an excellent plan 🙂
Hello Toast, I would like you all to know that I’m going to my daughter’s kindergarten class today as a “mystery reader”, and the book I’ve chosen to read is Elizabeth Leads the Way: Elizabeth Cady Stanton and the Right to Vote.
The backstory is that I wasn’t sure which of two books to read, and my sister emphatically chose this one because “I find it’s helpful to think about what the Toast commenters will say, when deciding on a course of action”.
(Yes, I know she [ECS, not my sister] wasn’t exactly an intersectional feminist, but we have to start the indoctrination somewhere.)
Very good. Please report back and let us know how it went!
I love that you’ll be indoctrinating the youths, but this got me thinking about intersectional children’s books — are there any? It feels like there really should be. will look into this further. preliminary research shows that there’s at least one children’s book about Ida B. Wells, if nothing else: https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/2885683-ida-b…
The radical abc primer?
http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B0140EEQSS/ref=d…
Oh, Bartender, I am with you in NYC snow solidarity. IT IS MARCH, WE NEED TO NOT HAVE MORE SNOW NOW.
In spring-related news, I’ve been going back and forth between “Maybe I should reopen my OKCupid account and give it another try even though it really didn’t seem to work for me the last couple of times, who knows, what if the third time’s the charm?” and “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” Have any of you ever given up on online dating and then had it work for you?
I come and go with the online dating with mixed results & opinions, but I do think that spring fever season is an excellent time to wade into those waters. Another couple weeks and everyone is going to come out of hibernation…
I have used Tinder, Hinge, Ok Cupid, and Bumble at various points with varying degrees of success. I’ll get fed up and delete it then come crawling back a few months later, or just start again out of boredom.
I honestly should be way more jaded, but a small part of me still believes “you never know…” and I went on a great Bumble date just late night, so yeah. I’m just doing that right now and as soon as I get annoyed I’ll get rid of it, but I think only one app or site at a time, and not get too invested, just check occasionally.
I was on OKC for a year or so always ending up on pretty meh dates (like no second dates EVER) and took a year off for personal reasons. Came back on, and now, 5 years later I’m engaged to the first guy I went on a date with after my year off.
That is so validating and lovely to hear! Congrats!
I have a Toast Etiquette (Toastequette?) question. Would it be cool to post about a Kickstarter project I’m involved in that might be of interest to some of you?
(said Kickstarter project does not actually exist yet, but I’m told it’s coming soon.)
Yes, in my opinion! Though having a link at the ready for the Kickstarter would be especially valuable, I think.
I’m hopeful that by the next Open Thread it will be up and running (I’m just a contributor, not the creator), but I wanted to ask first in case it’s not cool. I’m not very practiced at this sort of self-promotion thing and I love the Toast and I don’t want to step on toes.
Do it please! I love seeing what other Toasties are up to.
PERSONAL ART UPDATE: I hired a guy to move my gephyrocity.com website to gephyro.tumblr.com so I can upload my own pages and not rely on anyone else?? Anyhow if anyone wants to follow me, you should because it’s about to get uhhh more pages. I was gonna say an adjective that was intriguing and not a spoiler but I couldn’t think of one.
ALSO who wants to talk annoying office crap?? My not-for-profit old lady office has a bunch of disrespectful old ladies who would rather throw their own personal tantrum than directly ask me for help–either with Microsoft word (not even Excel) or moving a heavy object. And I like both of those tasks! But I’m pissed they refuse to address me directly and would rather waste 3 hours narrating on how they don’t know how to make a bullet point.
ETA Or, put paper to be shredded BESIDE the shredder, or ON TOP of the shredder. Put it in! Put it in. I refuse to shred it. And abandoning the project mid-job if the shredder is full. Tell me this is immature bc I have my employee review coming up and I always feel like I’m in the wrong… but I am actually not.
Did you know that if you want to keep your gephyrocity.com URL now that you’ve moved to Tumblr, you totally can do that?
NO what HOW
Edit actually don’t bother, I’ll just mention it to my tech guy, because I won’t retain it. I am down for office complaints still though.
Okay Toasts, I’m also gonna start a podcast recommendation thread because I’m going to an HDTGM live show tomorrow and I am PSYCHED.
The West Wing Weekly is going to be starting soon and the 1 minute preview is my everything because Josh Malina + Hrishikesh Hirway + The West Wing + BALLER MUSIC = my dream.
Oh, and Jason Mantzoukas was on Reply All this week playing “Yes, Yes, No” because he knows nothing about the Internet and they got into something that an asshole brony posted and it’s the funniest thing I’ve ever heard.
RECOMMEND GREAT PODCASTS, GO!
Lore! It’s my favorite thing to listen to in the morning while I’m getting ready.
It’s so delightfully creepy and I really like the host’s voice.
CallYourGirlfriend, Another Round, You Must Remember This, Story Collider!
BLACK TAPES. Also Limetown. Both on hiatus right now sadly.
Also Pop Rocket, especially if you’re a fan of PCHH!
I loooooooved Limetown, but I gave up on Black Tapes after the first season. It was just WAY too act-y, and I was pissed about the terrible cliffhanger. Is it worth listening to the first couple episodes of season 2?
I think so! I listened to Limetown first, and then got into Black Tapes, and after binging BT and going back to Limetown, I thought Limetown was too act-y. So, personal tastes! But, this season is much more about the overarching mystery and much less about a new case a week sort of thing, which I like a lot more.
I think season 2 is weaker than 1 and now they’re on a 2 month break so— you’ve got some time to feel it out!
Black Tapes is kinda fun but don’t bother with their Tanis podcast if tech realism is at all important to you. It’s very “computers are magic” with a side of “hacker char v. comfortable talking about specific computer crimes ON THE RECORD” and oh urgh no. It bummed me out some because I’m down with traveling to a mystical place with a secret guide, but… not when there’s immersion breaking “that’s not how any of that works” moments constantly.
I’d noticed that about Tanis! My other beef is that there seem to be about 40,000 characters to remember and I’m not great with names even when there are faces to go with them.
Ooh, Black Tapes discussion! I am hoping that they will do some in-universe thing where Alex posts shorter things without permission, kind of like the letters to the Strand Institute from season 1. Otherwise waiting until May is going to stink. 🙁
Ooohhhhh, that would be very cool.
The ones I listen to as soon as they show up: PCHH, Pop Rocket, Another Round
The ones I keep for the perfect moment: You Must Remember This, The Allusionist, Switched on Pop, sometimes Radiolab
The ones I check in on occasionally depending on the topic: Stuff Mom Never Told You, The Watch, Longform.
I used to listen to the Book Riot podcast all the time too, but I’ve started to lose interest and I can’t put my finger on why.
Hardcore History! It’s very well-researched and the last ten or so episodes are up for free on the site. They’ve done series on World War 1 and the Mongols among others.
I’ve listened to the Mongol series at least 2 times all the way through. He did a series on the fall of the Roman Republic that was amazing, but unfortunately is no longer available for free.
The Mongol series and the Roman series are some of my favorites. For a specific short episode, I highly recommend the “Logical Insanity” episode even tho I’m sure it’s not free any longer. It really helped me understand how some of the worst parts of WW2 happened.
Uhh Yeah dude is the only podcast I’ve ever stuck with (they’ve been around for 10 years!) consistently.
I mentioned a while ago that my friend just started a Buffy podcast with her friends! “A modern, feminist look at Buffy the Vampire Slayer, discussing all the hilarious, heartwarming, painful, powerful, sharply-written, and wonderfully 90’s elements that make up Joss Whedon’s classic. ” You can find it on iTunes or here: https://yarn.fm/podcasts/289034-hot-chicks-with-s…
I tend to binge comedy and comedy-adjacent podcasts, as they’re pretty timeless (by which I mean, not time-sensitive). Current faves:
– Bitch Sesh: A Real Housewives Breakdown (I don’t watch Real Housewives, and it’s still hilarious and entertaining)
– Oh No Ross and Carrie (they’re “investigating” Scientology right now!)
-Jordan, Jesse GO! (although this usually depends on the guest)
-Slumber party with Alie and Georgia
-The FlopHouse (for bad movie commentary)
-My Brother, My Brother and Me
-Sawbones
-HDTGM (depends on the guest and the movie)
-Stop Podcasting Yourself (because delightful Canadians are delightful)
-Retail Nightmares (found by way of Stop Podcasting Yourself, frequent guest and Delightful Canadian Alicia Tobin hosts)
MaxFunster! I have a ton of them on my list.
Denzel Washington is the Greatest Actor of All Time Period is one that I would add. Denzel with a soupcon of diversity in Hollywood.
I love Stop Podcasting Yourself and am so immersed in it that I follow Abby Shumka on Instagram and lose my mind over the Best Friends Club that is Margot and Grampa [heart eyes emoji]
YES to Jason Mantzoukas on RA this week. A+
I have a rich podcast life. Here are the ones in my rotation.
These are the ones I listen to all of the time.
TED Radio Hour — compilations of the best TED talks
The Bowery Boys: New York City History — Park Slope episode was amazing.
The Sporkful — highly detailed/nerdy discussions about food
StoryCorps — stories told by non-famous people about everyday things. One of my favorites!!!
Kill Me Now with Judy Gold — she is a loud angry lesbian Jew. I love her.
StartUp Podcast — a podcast about a guy starting a podcast company S1, S2 is about another young company starting out (super meta)
On Being — discussions with spiritual leaders/authors
Stuff You Missed in History Class — American history discussed in a fun and interesting way.
Tara Brach — Buddhist psychologist and meditation teacher.
These are interview based, interviews with comics, actors, artists, authors, musicians
Marc Maron WTF Podcast – if you don’t like his ranting in the beginning you can skip through to get to the interview, but I enjoy his ramblings.
Fresh Air NPR
The Nerdist
Here’s The Thing with Alec Baldwin
You Made it Wierd – funny interviews with comedians
92Y Talks
New listens for me nov 2015
Spilled Milk – food discussions
Women of the Hour – Lena Dunham feminist discussions
Only Humans – diseases and other medical stuff
Death Sex and Money – podcast about the three most interesting things in life
Seconding StartUp and Stuff You Missed in History Class.
My go-tos when I want to feel warm and fuzzy: Coupla Questions (talking to couples about their relationships, probably around half the couples are queer) and That Was Us (people read their old diary entries and laugh/talk about them).
When I want to laugh: Another Round (obv. they talk about serious stuff too), Group Text with Erin and Melissa (2 best friends interviewing people about social media/friendship. The episodes where they interview other women are the best).
Recently became interested in learning about religions I did not grow up with (ie. anything other than Christianity), and Unorthodox and #GoodMuslimBadMuslim have been good for that. Both focus more on the cultural side of things, not religious texts/theology.
Thirding Stuff You Missed in History, but it’s not just American history, they cover everything.
I love the Bowery Boys! Especially the way they’re always punning and making dad jokes. They just released an episode about Jane Jacobs, I can’t wait to listen to it!
Someone on the Toast recommended In Our Time! Now it’s my new favorite, and I don’t know how I didn’t find it earlier; the back catalog is enormous. I also enjoy the History of Philosophy without Any Gaps, although it occasionally puts me to sleep.
I just got done listening to that Reply All. HILARIOUS. I was in public and had a really hard time keeping it together. Also I have never listened to HDTGM before but I guess now I’m in love with Jason Mantzoukas and will have to start listening.
Only Human and Hidden Brain have been really good lately. Reductress just started one called The Mouth- the first episode was not bad, and I have hope for the future. I also kind of love Judge John Hodgeman for reasons I can’t entirely explain.
Also, pocket casts is an awesome podcast app and totally worth the actual money I spent on it if you don’t have one you love already.
Can we talk about how Jason Mantzoukas actually said “Heynong Man” on Brooklyn 99 this week? Because it was AMAZING.
Yes – are you the one that mentioned it earlier this week? If not, someone mentioned it earlier this week, and I finally caught up with that episode of Brooklyn 99 last night. I got so excited each time he said started to say “hey” until FINALLY! “Heynong man.” So great. (Also, it felt like he said “hey” a lot in that episode)
-Generation Why
-Criminal
-PCHH (SO excited about this week’s)
-Tom & Lorenzo’s Pop Style Opinionfest (they’re covering this season of Ru Paul’s Drag Race for any fans!)
-Another Round
-My Brother My Brother and Me
-Rose Buddies (For any comedy fans / fans of the Bachelor, this one quickly became my favorite. I laugh so hard listening to this during my commute sometimes that I’m pretty sure the drivers around me think I’m crazy)
-Black Tapes
-Limetown
-Alice Isn’t Dead (only one episode so far, but it’s Jasika Nicole and other ppl from Nightvale so I’m p excited about it)
-Political Gabfest
-Culture Gabfest
-Double X
and always looking for more! 😀
JASIKA NICOLE.
That is all.
I looooove I Seem Fun: The Diary of Jen Kirkman Podcast.
There must be other I Seem Funners around these parts, yeah? Mmmmmmy arm is numb #livelaughlove
Me, I’m one! #richbitch
ooh OOH!
Ooooh! Also! A Way With Words. As their website states, “A Way with Words is an upbeat and lively hour-long public radio show about language examined through history, culture, and family. Co-hosts Martha Barnette and Grant Barrett talk with callers from around the world about slang, grammar, old sayings, word origins, regional dialects, family expressions, and speaking and writing well. They settle disputes, play word quizzes, and discuss language news and controversies.”
Toasties it’s so good, and Grant and Martha are the best best.
I recently started listening to Drunk(ard)s and Dragons, which is immensely entertaining. It’s just like sitting in on a DnD game with four of my friends – the rhythm and the humor are very familiar and comforting.
Yes! I love them, and listening to the podcast prompted me to take the plunge and actually start a D&D campaign.
The Memory Palace and 99% Invisible. Ooh, and Savage Love!
I have a ton of podcasts I listen to, but I’ll limit it to the ones I actively anticipate.
Jay and Miles X-Plain the X-men is amazing. If you like comics at all (and honestly, even if you don’t, it’s probably fun.), it’s a hilarious, well-thought-out, delightful serial explaining the X-men chronologically. I have literally nearly died laughing at least twice while listening (started tearing up from laughter while driving home. Not ideal)
Stuff You Missed in History Class and Stuff to Blow Your Mind are both fun, accessible podcasts going over various interesting bits of history and science respectively.
Criminal is a Serial-like podcast, in that looks at a criminal subject from a bunch of angles with a lot of direct interviews, but each episode is on a different subject, and ranges from murder cases to training police dogs.
I feel like the whole of the toast probably already listens to The Heart, but if you don’t you 100% should.
Also, I really like risk, except it sometimes makes me really, really sad and the host annoys me
most of my favorites have been mentioned, but I recently fell in love with Witch, Please, a delightful podcast wherein two Canadian ladies of the academic persuasion pick apart Harry Potter. They are smart and incisive and hilarious, and if there is a Toastier podcast out there I’ve yet to find it.
I Was There Too. Matt Gourley (of many other amazing podcasts) interviews people who had minuscule to small parts in big movies. The episode with Paul Rust about his time making Inglourious Basterds is awesome and Paul F. Tompkins talking about There Will Be Blood is great.
Dead Authors Podcast. HG Wells (Paul F. Tompkins) hops in his time machine and brings authors who have now passed to the present and interviews them.
Doughboys. Don’t ask me why or how this show is so funny, it just is. Two comedy idiots review a different fast food chain every week. There’s a funny guest who joins them. It’s currently my very favorite thing.
Oh my gosh I have never been around for an active Open Thread before, and I have also never had an account to post from, so… hello! I’ve been lurking on the Toast for a while now, and occasionally posting as a guest (RubyRogers). But now I am hellinorthrashwood.
Lately I’ve been thinking about words, but specifically about their aesthetics. Based solely on their sounds, what are your favourite and least favourite words? Words I love are piecemeal, toast (ha), clock, salt, cake, and frühstück, the German word for breakfast… and now I’m realizing that I just really love foods that are associated with food. Ehh.
Words I hate are wean, pork, and… dare I say it, queer. Even though I am queer myself. I dislike the way it sounds, and because it’s still seen as a slur by some people in the LGBT community, I don’t really feel comfortable using it. If only there was a better word for us to use besides just sticking with the acronym.
Another thing… does anyone else feel like words have a “taste”? And not just the taste of themselves, though that’s definitely a thing for me (when I say “cake”, I can almost taste cake). I don’t know if this sounds completely out there, but things like… for example, when I say the word “luck”, it reminds me of the taste of vanilla ice cream. “Black” makes me taste chocolate pudding, and “white” reminds me of whipped cream. Am I completely weird for thinking this?
And on a completely word-unrelated note: old dogs are wonderful. Though dogs really should never age, and ought to live forever. That is all.
You have a great alias, and it sounds like maybe you also have synaesthesia! I know people who have it for letters/colors, and one person who has it for numbers/music. Words/tastes is a cool one!
The Man Who Tasted Shapes is a book about it, if you haven’t already read it and are interested.
I have a really, *really* intense and weird aversion to random words. Like ‘bun’, specifically when referring to hairstyle and not a delicious bready product? Actually makes me physically shudder. I also really hate ‘ashen,’ and a lot of words that end in -en like that, for literally no reason that I can think of. My favorite word based on sound is hyperbole. Again, who knows? The brain: she is a strange animal.
My favorite word is “ramekin.” Hence my alias. Ramekin is also the name of one of my cats. It’s also a fun name to play around with. We frequently refer to her as whine-ekin, whine-ekin skywalker, bug chase-ekin, bean thief-ekin, door scratch-ekin, etc.
My least favorite words are “moist” and “ointment.”
“Ramekin” is a great word! It reminds me of how lobster tastes. Words ending in “-kin” can be pretty great, like “pumpkin.”
I think “moist” is okay when used to describe chocolate cake, but use it in context with anything else and it becomes horrible. “Ointment” is always awful.
I love the word “autumnal.” I just like the way it sounds. I also want us all to start using the word “apricity” again, because I think it’s so pretty. It means “the warmth of the sun in winter.”
I’ve always associated words with colors and smells rather than tastes.
When I was a kid I used to enjoy saying the words ‘cream’ and ‘pencil’ out loud, one after the other. It was satisfying because ‘cream’ evoked a physical sense of heaviness or denseness, while ‘pencil’ was like the sharp, bright antidote. So while I don’t directly relate to the words having tastes thing, I do understand the feeling you’re describing.
My favourite word is Irish, it’s ‘banbh’ (pronounced bon-iv), meaning piglet. My least favourite word is ‘secrete’. Shudder.
I like the word “chimney”. It moves like a well-aligned dresser drawer on its tracks.
I don’t have a synesthetic response to most words, but one I do have is the word “coin”. I didn’t realize this until I read The Hunger Games and could hardly get through the third book because every time I read President Coin’s name I would get a metallic taste in my mouth, like I was sucking on a penny. This doesn’t happen when I’m thinking about actual coins, just when I see the word in non-coin-related contexts, apparently.
blümchen is another really precious German word! Other favorites of mine include palimpsest, purloin, candid….there are so many.
You have synesthesia! I have a friend who gets a taste in her mouth when she meets people, and they forever after “taste” like that to her. I apparently “taste” like coconut macaroons, which I find delightful.
My favorite words, aesthetically, fall into two categories: words I like to say, and words I like to hear. My favorite words to say are mouthfuls: methamphetamine was my long-time favorite. There’s a comedy song called “Bulbous Bouffant” that’s about words that are fun to say, you can easily find it on youtube (I’d provide a link but youtube is blocked at work.) My favorite words to hear are usually ASMR triggers, all those really light “t” and “k” sounds like your favorite words, tend to induce it for me.
My least fave words: mucus and phlegm. They sound like what they are. And things of that consistency tend to make me gag.
I have NEVER heard of that kind of synaesthesia before! Interesting and delightful.
Can’t believe I’m still up for the Open Thread! I’m sure I’ll regret it in a few hours when I have to get up, but never mind!
I have good news: I just finished a short business course which I *passed* and it means that I get 9 months of a government grant to develop my own editing company and also incorporate publishing (after the first six months), too. I’m also waiting to hear back about a grad course I’ve applied for (just needs the school approval, but all looks good so far).
I feel as though everything is on the cusp of exciting new opportunities, and yet I also wonder how I am going to do this and still make time for my (age-appropriately needy) children. The other day I was waiting to pick up my oldest and a little girl about his age was talking to her friend’s mum. The mum must have been in to do reading with them, because the little girl was saying, ‘MY mum can’t come into help out in class because she’s working. It’s really unfair. She studied for four and a half years and didn’t get to spend any time with us and now she’s working all the time!’
And I thought, Bugger. Is that going to be mine saying that? About me?
I just turned 40 and so I feel as if I’ve spent 10 years being pregnant, giving birth and breastfeeding, so I want a bit more time for myself now, but I’m also so worried about missing out on their childhoods because of all the stuff *I* want. Happy medium, I need it.
Anyway, any advice as to work-life-family balance would be appreciated!
Solidarity, sister. I wish I had useful strategies for you, but I struggle with the same worries. Sigh. Work-life balance seems like a myth most of the time.
Yeah, i think it is a bit of a myth. Perhaps like multitasking–in reality you’re just doing a lot, one after the other, not a lot at the same time.
I think the work-life balance thing is a balancing act that women are programmed to lose. THIS may just be me venting, but my strategy is I put my kids first some of the time and myself first some of the time. That means they don’t get birthday parties every year (to their grandmother’s chagrin) because I can’t fuckin handle it. And I get a massage once a month. And drinks with girlfriends at least once a month. And a solo trip occassionally (this is helped by my job). Your kids will get it. My mom was a single parent, went to school and waitressed when we were little, got her first proper job, helped out with the Girl Scout troop but straight up refused PTA stuff AND went out every Friday night and we stayed with one of my aunts. I totally respect her, have a great relationship with her (and my aunts, BTW) and feel like my kids will survive my ocassional absence/need to put my own health first. /end rant
Thank you for this (and sorry for the delayed reply)!
It’s really good to hear about the perspective of a child with a mother who also had a lot of other things on her plate besides parenting. I think your strategy to put the children first sometimes is a good one, and your comment has had me thinking a lot over the past couple of weeks about my own lack of self-esteem, and how that is related to my tendency to ignore my own needs (especially when it comes to doing things which will make me calm or more content).
Spotify has not updated the New Music Friday playlist and this bums me out.
oh, good it isn’t just me! I checked New Releases this morning and went, “wait, weren’t these last week’s”?
Ok, they have finally updated New Releases so hopefully New Music Friday isn’t too far behind.
Hello! I have a convoluted question, but perhaps some of you have some ideas?
I, along with my boss, attended a masterplanning session for one of our previous clients this week. They are working on many facets of their organization, including a new building (which we will be hired to design). The new building is to be a shelter for rescued victims of sex trafficking. The (hired, outside consultant) facilitator of the session spent a few brief minutes filling boss and me in on the Sex Trafficking Situation, using statistics I recognized as being false (summary of his position: 100,000 8-12 year-olds being raped 20 times a day in hotels across the nation). I did not have any counter-statistics handy in my mind, and this was not the focus of the session at all, and I was pretty much just there to observe anyway, so I didn’t speak up. The building project is a ways in the future (6-18 months until we start, maybe?). They spoke a lot about using evidenced-based therapeutic approaches (they have many different programs for youths of varying troubles), and yet do not seem to be in possession of any evidence about this new thing they are getting involved in.
What is my responsibility to question the basis of a client’s program? I do not want to support what basically amounts to kidnapping teenagers who are involved in sex work because it’s the best option available to them. I also don’t want to knowingly spend a lot of my client’s money on facilities for people who are not actually going to be there (around 200 people were “rescued” last year, despite millions and millions of dollars and plenty of various task forces). But, what do I say, and who do I say it to, and how do I even get access to them???
Maybe you could focus on asking what plans they have for the building if there’s less demand for it than they expect, or if the demand goes down in the future? Then you could frame it as making sure that the building is designed to flexibly accommodate their potential future needs. From your perspective, you’re preventing their spending from being a total waste for them. And from their perspective, you’re not trying to convince them that you know more about this than their hired expert. (I don’t doubt that you do know more, it just seems unlikely to me that they’ll be convinced of that, but perhaps I’m overly pessimistic.)
I also don’t think they are going to be very receptive to my counter-statistics (you know, the ones from people who have actually done studies, not the ones from people who just vaguely say “studies show that…”). It’s a delicate balance between trying to bring them another perspective, and not angering / scaring off a client with a number of campuses all over the state in need of work. You’re probably right that a flexible space is the best I can hope to achieve.
Perhaps you could also press for more specific statistics, and bring up your own research, by tying it back to building design. Eg. “I looked up some numbers on how many victims are rescued each year so I could make sure there would be the right number of intake rooms, and it seems the current numbers are around 200/year, some of whom are already cared for by other agencies. How many are you expecting? …Oh, really? Can you send me links to the studies you’re working from, so I can make sure we’re on the same page?”
That’s a good way to work it in!
Holy crap, you all. I’m listening to this story about a guy trying to revoke Kansas’s statehood. This is amazing.
Wow, between that and what Bobby Jindal did to Louisiana… *throws things in rage*
I have always been leery of conspiracy theories, but at this point, I would 100% believe that Brownback and the Koch Bros. rigged the last election.
>> for pending legislation that could hamstring the state Supreme Court by “making judges subject to impeachment if they rule against the legislature.”
what the what?
Yeah. Kansas’s government is a fucking joke right now. A really really really bad joke.
Jeebus. I drove through Kansas yesterday. So glad to have made it out alive!
I’m so happy for you that you made it through and out! Congratulations!
I killed it at my interview last week, and they have informally offered me the job (pending the reference check). They offered me 66% more than I make right now, which is MIND-BOGGLING and has now thrown me into a tizzy because I very firmly believe that Women Should Negotiate Salaries and yet I’m having difficulty contemplating what I should ask for in the face of such a sum. (Benefits aren’t really fungible in this case, but they do have a very nice flex work plan which I hope to take advantage of.)
The trouble is that the commute is terrible. Absolutely awful. ANNNNNNND, my husband’s company is being bitches about us wanting to move closer to my job.
But then I had an interview yesterday (don’t stop hustling until the papers are signed) for a wonderful little independent school that would allow me to have a much more friendly commute, I could bring my kid to work, and we could live in a less expensive area. However, they’re a tiny school and not moving very fast, and we haven’t talked enough to make a commitment yet. (I did let them know about the pending offer. We’ll see if they like me enough to move a little faster.)
Do I accept the big money job that will look sparkly on my resume? Or do I wait to see if the smaller, cozier position pans out?
Will the Big Money Job give you the time to wait to see if the Smaller Cozier Position pans out? If so, yes by all means. If not, I’d be tempted to take the BMJ and if SCP does pan out, well, screw the big guys.
In either case, congratuations!
Thank you! I am super-excited. Most of my job searches involve extended periods of unemployment, so this is a novel sensation.
I would feel genuinely terrible about leaving BMJ. The team of people seemed really great. They experienced my off-kilter sense of humor first hand and it seemed to fit right in. The only downside of the gig is the commute.
Could you maybe telecommute a few days a week for BMJ?
Yes, in terms of Things You Can Negotiate, this would be very high on the list.
Oof. Yeah, if you like the people personally, that would make my suggestion difficult (and shitty). I love Knowsey’s suggestion of asking about a telecommute!
Don’t forget to feed your heart! (Tiny school?)
Also my front door got egged a second time (last Friday night, and now also Monday night) and this time I did file a police report. Ug.
Double-yew-tee-eff?! Who are these door-eggers?
I have literally no idea. Bored teenagers, I guess.
There’s a lot of cheap webcam options out there. I know half a dozen people who installed them after christmas deliveries were stolen from their porches. Might be worth it….I would probably stake them out and egg them, but I have issues.
I can’t stay up late enough to reverse-egg, though it does sound tempting! I’m pretty sure the webcam would be stolen, but maybe we could get it up high enough that that would be pretty difficult… I’ll look into it if this bullshit continues.
What a waste of eggs :/
Right?? It’s like seven or eight eggs! A perfectly good fritatta, stuck to my house.
This fear is the only thing that keeps me from being 500% meaner to the neighborhood dirtbag kids.
I have never even met a teenage neighbor. (We live in a weird spot with mostly non-houses, and barely have any neighbors at all, really.) One time a bunch of kids rode their bikes into the open garage and Mr. LF fixed their chains and inflated their tires and such. That’s about the limit of our neighbor child interactions… So, I say, go ahead and be mean, maybe that’s the key.
My dirtbags are in the 7-13 yo category. There are a few medium-sized apartment buildings close to us, and because our house is one of the few on the block that doesn’t have a front fence, they all play soccer in front of us. Sometimes they SIT ON OUR PORCH STAIRS. I hate them with the fire of a thousand suns. I while back I yelled at them for fucking up the top of our sewer lateral (they didn’t really, it was already broken, but they don’t need to know that) and they seem to decided it’s in their best interests to move down the street.
NB I live *two blocks* from a 50-acre park and I wish I could put them in a catapult and shoot them over there.
I will support your kickstarter for a child catapult.
I’m on it. Stretch goal will involve an attachment for terrible neighbors who don’t clean their gutters so that the overflow drips on you in the gangway and have a backyard full of trash that blows into yours.
What’s your favorite love story? Books, movies, TV shows, fanfic, classic, modern, funny, serious, anything at all!
For some reason my post break-up angst has centered on wanting to spend all my time thinking about people falling in love, and I’m looking for new material. (So much thanks to everyone who encouraged me on that a few weeks ago, I did it and it was the right decision for both of us and a huge relief.) Some of my old standards are (for slow build) the Golden Compass trilogy and (for quick and light) Parks and Rec April and Andy.
North and South, the BBC miniseries (I think it’s like four hours long). It has all the broody, melancholy, meaningful gaze romance in it you could ever want. This is assuming you’re looking for male-female romance.
Ohhh, that sounds perfect, I’ll definitely watch that!
And not just male-female, stories with any and all gender combinations are very welcome!
The Before Trilogy
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Saga (comic)
Though come to think of it, all of these are basically about what happens AFTER you fall in love, so it might not be your jam right now.
I am the world’s biggest fan of Anne Shirley and Gilbert Blythe. I also gush about Faramir and Eowyn.
Three cheers for the Golden Compass trilogy!
Right?? I really need to re-read them, they are kind of a commitment, but so so worth it!
This is probably woefully esoteric, but my favorite romance in anything ever is Priss & Leon in Bubblegum Crisis: Tokyo 2040. It’s an anime series about a group of vigilante women in Iron Man style power armor fighting crazed robots in future Tokyo. It’s feminist by anime standards. The romance between Priss and Leon is great because it’s done in a very real way and there are lots of layers to it. She’s a badass biker that’s lead singer of this rock band and is also secretly in the aforementioned vigilante group. He is a big macho looking cop who is actually really sweet and kind of bashful but he’s been tasked with arresting the vigilantes.
What makes it great is that it develops slowly over the course of the series instead of this sudden inevitable thing right before the end. First he’s into her because he saw her band once and she’s not interested because she’s too cool to be interested in anything but they both grow as people and they both eventually display positive character traits to each other that make it more than just two attractive people being attracted to each other. I don’t know, I was just really into it.
Bashir X O’Brien is a close second.
Chris Pine’s Captain Kirk and Zachary Quinto’s Spock? I’m kinda joking but kinda not – the bromance is thick with those two.
Golden Compass, love. You might like the Great and Terrible Beauty trilogy too. Eleanor and Park if you want to cry. Give me a few minutes, I’m sure I’ll come up with more!
Another yes for all the Rainbow Rowells.
Yes, I love everything Rainbow Rowell has ever written! Great and Terrible Beauty sounds great, added to my list!
Leslie Knope and Ben Wyatt on Parks and Rec are my favorite romantic arc. They are both beautiful weirdos and support and love each other through everything. “I love you, and I like you.”
We used that in our marriage vows and it was wonderful 🙂
When the boyfriend and I were marathoning Parks and Rec and they finally kissed I jumped up and down cheering. Man, they are great.
Classic book: Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy. (I first read that book in 8th grade, I will never be able to help it.)
Recent YA: I really loved Ari and Dante in Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe.
TV: basically everyone on Parks & Rec.
Aristotle and Dante is probably my favorite YA book out right now. Gorgeous piece of writing.
I’ve been wanting to read Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe for a while, but never actually looked for it. So many people love it, I really have to find a copy!
And if you want to listen to the audio book, it is read by Lin-Manuel Miranda, the creator of HAMILTON!
So glad you’re in a good place with your decision. Whew! Some of my fave love stories: John Crichton/Aeryn Sun (Farscape–TV), Smoky Barnable/Daily Alice (Little, Big–Novel), Gentle/Pie (Imajica–Novel), John Sheridan/Delenn (Babylon 5–TV). I’m trying to think of a movie love story that evokes the same emotional response in me and I’m having a hard time. Hmmmm.
Yes, thank you so much for your comment on that thread, reading all the Toastie advice really made a difference! I’m looking up all of these pairings now!
Weetzie Bat and My Secret Agent Lover Man!
My allTIME favorite is from this Dear America book called Coal Miner’s Bride, where the main character gets shipped from Poland to the US in an arranged marriage but meets a handsome defecting soldier along the way. Husband dies and she and the soldier end up together but not before a bunch of violent strikes and unionizing (dude is also #woke).
A lot of the Dear Americas/Canadas have sweet romances, so if you’re looking for quick and light, go there.
A+ always here for discussion of Dear America/Canada including that book, my favourite one ever, and I wish I could repost it on my blog every single week I LOVE IT THAT MUCH.
I didn’t know “handsome defecting soldier” was my fantasy boyfriend until I read this comment. Now I need that book!
Peter Wimsey and Harriet Vane.
Emphatically seconded!
“Placetne, magistra?” :: shivers in delight::
Yes, forever!
Truly Madly Deeply (movie about loss and finding new love)
love it, and RICKMAN!
The romance in War for he Oaks – friendship turning slowly into love. Here’s a lovely quote (sorry, couldnt get cut and paste from tumblr to work on my phone) : http://quaintrellelife.tumblr.com/image/120729786…
Such a sweet quote! Excited to read this one!
The real life love story of Genesis P’Orridge. It is stranger, more beautiful and more heartbreaking than anything our times deserve.
Listen to Genesis tell it here on Love + Radio: http://loveandradio.org/2013/12/the-pandrogyne/
When I was writing my comment I was thinking of adding podcast as one of the formats because I’ve been listening to them constantly lately, but I thought, ‘are there really any love stories told via podcast?’
So I’m excited about this one!
It’s so good! I wanted to write something about it, but basically anything I could say is a spoiler for the lovely way it unfolds.
TOS Kirk and Spock. I am serious.
Also, obviously Elizabeth and Darcy. 12-year-old me would also like to nominate Ella and Char from Ella Enchanted (book version, of course).
In real life, I’d have to say John and Abigail Adams.
I probably read Ella Enchanted 50 times between the ages of 9 and 13. I have chunks memorized. I don’t have my copy any more, but it’s the perfect comforting romance, I’ve got to find one!
Ella and Char, yes!
Book: The Night Circus <3
My favorite fictional romance in the history of all time is m/m fantasy, Seregil and Alec from the Nightrunner books by Lynn Flewelling. I’d probably have to write a dissertation to explain why so I’ll spare you, but if you like fantasy I highly recommend it cause those boys are just my favorite characters ever.
My ‘I will go down with this ship’ romance is Buffy and Angel, not sorry. That is my hill to die on.
Also, though it’s still really only subtext in the books and I assume not even addressed on the show (which I am many seasons behind on): in Game of Thrones, I am convinced that Brienne and Jamie are meant for each other. That’s really not the place to go looking for love stories and romance, but try telling my brain that, because it thinks that there will be a happily ever after where they roam around Westeros having lots of ugly blonde babies together.
I just had to second the Nightrunner trilogy! Have you read:
a) the sequels? I was really disappointed in the first book and quit. Right call?
b) the prequels (which take part at least a century earlier iirc), about Tobin and Ki? I loved those as well. Not quite in the same way though.
As for my own recommendation… Um… Never let me go was one of my best reads last year. Hated the movie, so I thought the book was gonna be bad too, but it was stunningly beautiful. But not happy. (Well. Neither is The Golden Compass, which I too should take the time to re-read.)
Re: Brienne and Jamie, it is also subtext on the show. And there is a scene in a hot springs, about which I will say no more but you could probably find it by Googling if you want to see that only.
One of my favorites that’s happy and adorable (so adorable I had to faceplant into a pillow and scream) is The Queen’s Thief series by Megan Whalen Turner.
Fave angsty love story is The Age of Innocence by Edith Wharton. Made my heart hurt in all the right ways.
I mean, I think Queen’s Thief eventually gets to happy and adorable, but by way of a lot of angst and bitterness and self-flagellation. (SO SO SO good though.)
Ugh, that feeling of being so overcome by a book that you have to physically writhe around is *the best thing* (and also probably the weirdest thing to see someone do?). That’s such a good recommendation, I’m excited for that one!
Gen and Irene are amazing.
The Night Circus is wonderful
Jill and Rhodry from Daggerspell, by Katharine Kerr. I don’t care so much for the sequels, but this one is golden.
Kit and Nat from The Witch of Blackbird Pond. Stayed up all night reading it the first time and every time I reread it I still feel that same sense of urgency in needing to know that they’ll end up together, which is silly of course because the book doesn’t change!
I lost my paperback of that book in a move over ten years ago, and I might need to buy another copy. We read it in class in seventh grade, and I tore through it the first night I had it, then bought it as an adult, and reread it many many times. I’m amazed at how much of the plot I can remember. A ship named the Sea Witch!
Getting all these notifications was the best part of my friday afternoon! I am so excited to read/watch/listen to all of these.
I am late to the party but did anyone mention Ursula K Le Guin’s YA romance, Very Far Away from Anywhere Else? So lovely, features the ocean and Emily Dickinson and earnest young intellectuals.
I have not read it, but I was coming here to recommend Shevek and Takver in Le Guin’s ‘The Dispossessed’. Less falling in love and more marriage, though.
Meg + Calvin = A Wrinkle In Time.
I have a question about medical/birth control stuff, which I will post in the reply.
(Hopefully this works as a reply) I am having my birth control implant removed and a new one put in next week. I am very nervous about it, as I have trouble with 1) shots 2) blood 3) anything medical, including being in the dr’s office, making an appointment, having blood pressure taken, etc. I’m having a hard time finding stories of very quick/easy removal/reinsertion online (naturally, the scary ones can be found in about 2 minutes). Does anyone have nice stories of this nature to share?
I had my implant removed, and it was fine! They numb you up nice and good, and I just chose to turn my head the other way and not watch. My doctor had to do a bit of digging to get mine out, but I didn’t feel a thing except for the pushing/squeezing on my arm (which could get a bit strong, but nothing too bad). Then when it was done, they wrapped it up all nice and it healed perfectly!
Have you considered asking for some anti-anxiety drugs you could take before your appointment? I had a script for like, four tabs of Ativan before I got my IUD and it helped so so so much.
I’m on my third implant and am totally okay! The second removal/insertion did involve some digging because a little bit of scar tissue had built up, but the anesthetic did its job and it didn’t hurt. I second the suggestion of telling your doctor in advance that you’re nervous and ask if they have any suggestions for accommodating you.
I got mine replaced in November and it was super quick and easy…not hard for the nurse to take out, and I didn’t feel a thing. I also found that the healing process was a lot easier this time around. Not sure why, but I seemed to have less pain and bruising with my second implant, so that was a nice surprise. I hope you have a good experience as well!
Thanks so much all. I do have Ativan and will have someone come with me for moral support, but the anticipation before something bad is always tough for me. Your stories will help give me more ‘comebacks’ to my fears.
I got my first fan mail for my tumblr, which is very nice, but also a reminder that I waste time too often. I feel vaguely guilty now.
Apparently, everything I post or reblog is funny and/or informative and has caused someone else to to spend way more time on tumblr than they should.
Those are the best tumblr messages to get. 🙂
I’ve been getting questions about Things Person Could Find Out via Google, and it’s slightly annoying. So I’ve been waiting to respond so I can do it nicely, with references. To Google.
Those are my facebook messages.
What do your asks about? Mine are almost entirely based on normal people trying to understand internet subcultures, and why Uncle Bob suddenly has all these opinions on women.
Ye-ouch
I run a tarot blog with a pretty decent following for that particular corner of tumblr. So I tend to get 3 types of tarot-based asks: How do Tarot? How to deal with this particular aspect or weird thing with Tarot/my deck? Tell me all these things; research is hard.
My answers tend to organize themselves around the following topics: resources (both free and paid), quick 101 explanations, “if this is an issue for you, do some inner work/thinking/etc,” and “here’s my POV, go research. here are some starting points.” My general goal is not to be mean even if I’m frustrated with getting a bunch of 101 questions, so it takes me time to respond well. With tarot, I find that answering questions comes with a lot of emotional energy, so I often want to respond with a sarcastic gif…but that would be mean. So I balance my answers with actual answers and encouragement to look up/find/read other resources. I’m a huge proponent of doing your own work, but I know it can be overwhelming to figure out where to start sometimes.
What kinds of internet subcultures do you tend to get asked about? Lol.
Oh man, I wouldn’t even know where to begin with tarot, but I’d be too shy to actually go into someone’s asks about anything.* Also, I know the internet, the answers I seek are probably out there somewhere.
Let’s see questions. Well, being a generally shy nerd, I’ve been on the internet forever. I’ve been here before the facebook and normal people arrived. No matter how weird it is now, the early years where much weirder and I have seen much.
So this naturally leads people to take me as a guide. Mostly people want to know about furries and otherkin. Once someone on once wanted to know about why a friend thought she was married to a long dead English royal. The other thing is, of course, MRAs and PUAs and other general alt right stuff. I’m a rubbernecker in good standing, and they quite a car wreak, so I sort of know these things, and can explain what why Uncle Bob is the worst now.
Frankly, I could live long and happy in this land if I never had to explain these things to people ever again.
I don’t think that giving someone else joy is ever a waste of time for what it’s worth.
Hey Toasts, I got into grad school at University of North Carolina Greensboro yesterday (yay!) and am now considering a move from Chicago to Greensboro, NC with husband and dog in tow. Anybody have thoughts/knowledge/gossip about that area? I’m imagining iced tea on porches and lots of greenery. Set me straight.
I visited my former college roommate in Greensboro for her wedding last year and thought it was LOVELY. Super charming, lots of big trees and rolling hills, cute shops and breweries and such. She’s been there for about 7 years after having moved for a job and she really likes it.
This fills my heart with joy. I love huge trees, and I have been missing them while living in Chicago.
Congrats! I grew up down the road in Chapel Hill, but plenty of my HS classmates went to UNC-G for undergrad (realize grad school is a totally different bag) and enjoyed it (also, my family moved from Chicago to NC!). That Piedmont region of NC is gorgeous – lots of green, woods, rivers, lots of outdoorsy activities. Food is awesome, and yup, it’s a porch culture ( = sit on your porch/sit on your neighbor’s porch and chat and drink and socialize). In Greensboro, you’re a few hours from some of the nicest beaches on the East Coast (plus the Outer Banks!) or the Appalachian and Smoky Mountains.
I live in a big city now and really miss the accessible and beautiful green space, and all the fun stuff that I did in it (horseback riding! hiking! skinnydipping in rivers!), not to mention the awesome and affordable food, and affordable rent.
Thank you! You guys are selling me so much on Greensboro. I would like to be on that front porch now.
Another NC-raised Toast here to give thumbs up for Greensboro! I grew up in Charlotte and went to HS in Winston-Salem, which is 20 miles from Greensboro. I second that there are great trees and affordable rent. The people are nice and there’s a great local beer scene. If you are a culture junkie, like me, you’ll find indie concerts and performing arts stuff nearby and also not too far away, in places like Chapel Hill and Raleigh. I just moved home after 10 yrs in DC, and the only thing I’ve had trouble adjusting to is car culture. Driving is not my favorite, and public transportation in the South is not what it should be, but it is improving.
Congratulations! I have a huge soft spot for UNC-G, despite it not being my alma mater, because I went to a few great summer camps there. I grew up in the next county over, but despite that, I don’t know a ton about Greensboro specifically. But I *can* tell you that in the Piedmont of North Carolina, if you are not currently in greenery or on a front porch drinking iced tea, you are still no more than 15 minutes from greenery and probably significantly closer to a front porch and iced tea. It’s a wonderful area, I say with absolutely no bias at all.
Ahhh, My porch fantasy is possible!!!
Absolutely! Also, I assume you’ll be coming down in the summer, if you do decide to move. Do what you can to spend at least one summer evening on a porch, with a beverage of your choice, in someone’s yard that gets lots of fireflies. …I love summer a lot. (It is extremely hot and humid in my state, according to many other people; I think it’s wonderful.)
So here’s a really weird thing that bothers me, but I hate when clothing listings photoshop out nipples. Not that I’m particularly into looking at nipples but it’s so much more helpful to me as a consumer if I know whether or not that shirt or bra is going to be showing them off to the world or not.
It’s so offputting when it’s like, a lace bra. I wouldn’t be looking at lace bras if I had a phobia of nipples, lingerie store, I just want to know if it’s lined or not.
Victoria’s Secret often uses photos (on the catalog COVERS) where the bra obviously does not fit the model, and there’s been a few times I could tell they’d attempted to photoshop it to make it look like it fit better….and failed. My fave example being a patterned sports bra that had a very busy pattern. They’d tried to hide the wrinkles/lines and faaaailed.
I’ve been sorely tempted at times to start a tumblr blog that’s just catalog/website photos where the bra being sold doesn’t fit the model. I honestly thing it’s a small part of the reason most women wear bras in the wrong size.
Wedding planning thread?
My fiance is ordering his tuxedo this week and neither of us know anything about fancy men’s clothes so it’s mostly been both of us googling and shrugging. I just booked our plane tickets (it’s a destination wedding) so that’s super exciting!
Yay! My husband and I did a destination wedding too (sort of–we live in Chicago and got married in Michigan, so it was a kind of short-distance-destination thing, but still!) and enjoyed it so much. Also, we did things on the cheap and ended up just getting his tux at a J Crew sale. It still cost more than my dress, but my dress was cheap as hell. Best wishes to you!
My fiance’s tux is definitely going to cost more than my dress, because I bought it off Modcloth, hah. Did your husband have to get a lot of alterations done from J Crew or anything? My fiance is a really tall skinny guy so he’s been having trouble because anything that is decently cheap or on sale needs so many alterations to fit him that it seems to be even more expensive than just custom ordering one to his measurements.
I have driven from Chicago to Michigan, that definitely qualifies as destination!
He did! They pointed us to a tailor and it worked out really well. The guy at the J Crew we went to knew a lot about how tuxes should fit too, and he was super helpful. I wore earrings from modcloth for our wedding! I bet your dress is fly as hell.
I’m just starting! We paid the deposit on our venue this morning! How soon is your wedding? And congrats!
Congrats to you too! Getting the venue sorted is the big “oh wow this is actually a thing that is happening I guess,” moment!
Mine is in early September so we’ve got our venue, flowers, cake, photos, etc all booked but we’re in the process of buying clothes and trying to figure out what we actually want the ceremony to be like.
Yeah, I have to admit my heart stopped a bit when i signed the contract. Whether that was due to the $$$ or “oh god this is happening” is up for debate 😉
Please tell me it’s slightly less stressful once all the vendors are booked?
Olive_man makes disgruntled noises at me whenever i mention he needs a suit, but we’ve got over a year still.
Depends! I think it’s usually less stressful after you’ve got all your vendors nailed down, but in my case I had a bunch of family nonsense happen immediately after that and I’m longing for the days of comparing venues on my spreadsheet. But I also found dress shopping to be more stressful than vendor shopping so I suppose it all boils down to what stresses you out!
Referring to your fiance as “olive_man” makes me think you’re a cat marrying a human and nothing you can say will convince me otherwise. Where does one buy cat wedding attire? A year is plenty of time to find a suit so you’re good!
Yay! We get married in…. 9 days! Also it’s my birthday today!
We are descending into last-minute madness and doing things like deciding we NEED the $11 chairs instead of the $5.50 chairs, and thank goodness for tax refunds.
I’m suuuuuper excited. I also got my toenails painted, and my left big toe has a heart on it with my and my beloved’s initials in it because I’m a SAP.
Happy birthday, and best of wishes for your wedding!
You know its close when you buy milk and the best before date is after your wedding. 🙂
Happy birthday and congratulations!!
Oooh! I’m also getting hitched in September! We just bought Mr. Editor’s black evening suit (different from the tux in that it doesn’t have satin lapels, looks better with a straight tie, and doesn’t have covered buttons. Seemed more versatile in the long run).
After reading that Dear Prudie about the sister with blue hair, I had been kind of nervous about telling my future SIL what to wear (ish). I just gave her guidelines for a designer, color, and length. We’re not having crews of bridesmaids and groomsmen, and our “wedding party” is our family (plus my maid of honor). There is a kernel of truth in the dress parameters being informed by my deeper sense of *please don’t show up mostly naked to my wedding*. But it’s totally reasonable to give someone guidelines for a selection of dresses who are standing up in your wedding, right?!?! I can kind of hear Mallory saying, “But hahaha! It’s all blue and purple under that wig!” exchanged with, “Ahahaha! She’s totally naked under that (very pretty shade of blue) dress!”
We just nailed down our wedding band and confirmed that the family member we asked to officiate would indeed be able to make it, so things are looking good!
I also just found a suit online in the exact style my fiance wanted, for 50% OFF, because I am a shopping wizard.
I’m sitting at home by the crackling wood stove in a plush robe and expensive slippers, nursing my tea while the sun beams in and my dog naps on the couch and my husband sleeps in because we have the day off today and it is GLORIOUS. Outside there is snow and birch trees and they are all golden with this morning light. Today is off to a great start!
Exactly!
I am a bit jealous of you!
You are living the best life.
Mmm, wood stoves are undeniably the best. Enjoy basking in front of yours!
My literary theory class is the best, and this week we had great discussions on Laura Mulvey’s theory of the male gaze in cinema (I got to bring up Mad Max!) and Judith Butler, and then I asked a classmate to explain more about queer theory and learned so much. It was fantastic.
Also Minecraft is eating my brain; I have four projects lined up and keep thinking of more and also whenever I see cool buildings on my commute, I start wondering if I can build that.
Laura Mulvey, Judith Butler, and Minecraft?? This is my life!
Direct quote from my boss this week: “Wow, this [supercomplicated format of job for specific client] is TERRIBLE. It’s SO HARD to make. You guys do this all the time?”
So, we mostly laughed at him and were like “yeah, you get used to it, also there’s a reason the first instruction on the how-to sheet is ‘breathing exercises’ ”
But it was kind of nice to have confirmation that it is, indeed, a terrible format, and we are pretty okay at our jobs.
I didn’t get the job I wanted within my company and my life plan has been derailed and I’m feeling VERY SAD.
It went to someone who was much more qualified so I totally get it, and the guy who did the hiring wants to help me find a new job because he really likes me and I think wants to be my mentor, but I am nonetheless feeling very stuck. I don’t like my current role, I don’t think it’s a good fit even though I like the company, and looking for new jobs is special level of hell that I didn’t want to visit for a very long time.
So. I’m officially in a funk.
Sucks. I feel your pain.
I love planning vacations, I love going on vacations, vacations are amazing. And then, on the way home, O’Hare stands in my way. O’Hare, the vacation ruiner.
At least they sell margaritas there. I needed a great many.
I feel that way about a few airports. They’re horrible. *lifts margarita in your direction*
After the shitshow that was O’Hare on our way back from honeymoon, MrChouffe made a solemn vow to never again fly through it. I pointed out that our connection points are somewhat limited and that didn’t seem to sway him.
Margaritas do cure a variety of ills, though, and I’m awfully glad for you that they were readily available.
Does anyone else experience a weird correlation between being physically unwell and mentally unwell? I came down with some sort of weird funk yesterday – I don’t know if it’s allergies or a cold or what – and I’m also finding myself spiraling into the worst sort of depressed/anxious spells where I’m sitting idle, second guessing every goal and decision I’ve set for myself, and also not wanting to do anything but sleep.
Help? :-/
ohhh yeah, these two go hand in hand. it’s more work—trying to improve your mental health AND decongest at the same time. but one can help the other.
hope you’re feeling on the up and up soon!
Oof, faved because I know that feeling. I get sick and then get angry at myself for not feeling better sooner, and think “if I’d only been better (how?!) I wouldn’t feel like this”, and ugh. What an awful feeling. I’m sorry. Some things that help me are doing a few very basic self-care activities and/or chores? If I take out the garbage, or empty the dishwasher, it makes me feel less stuck. Same for taking a shower or doing my nails. And/or I sit down and watch or play something that’s a treat, or work on a knitting project. Sitting in the sunlight helps too. Mostly I have to distract myself as best I can and ride it out.
I’m sorry, and I hope you feel better soon.
Yup, me too. The only thing I’ve found that helps is to double down on the emergency self care and let everything else slide. So for me that means I focus most of my energy making sure I’m eating well and taking a lot of showers or baths and reading comforting things to keep my brain busy. I don’t do any cleaning or laundry or anything. And I let myself be totally okay with that, which is easier said than done!
Me, me, me. Not sure if i always had this or I’m just a bit more aware of it now. The other day I was so lethargic and slow and flat, and couldn’t for the life of me work out what my problem was, and then in the evening, came down with a cold.
For me, I need to take the time to fully rest and appreciate that it’s OK not to be 100% all the time. Lots of tea and just trying to relax. I hope you feel better soon.
Thanks, y’all. Your empathy and advice already makes me feel much better. Plus, my husband dropped by my workplace with some surprise snacks. Up goes the healthy-brain-o-meter! <3
So I was just wondering what I was going to do for my friday afternoon in work (as in, what actual work I should do) and then the open thread went up an hour early!
Fuck yes, no more work happening hear.
The open thread is usually open at 12 Eastern?
The US has changed their clocks for spring, and the UK hasn’t yet, so here in the UK we are getting everything an hour earlier than normal (the Link Roundup normally goes up at 2pm in the UK, but at the moment it’s going up at 1). It’s glorious.
I’m in the UK, so GMT 😀
Open thread usually goes up about 5pm, so I get about 20-30 minutes of procrasination before I escape for the weekend, but the clocks have gone back somewhere (I thought it was here, but now I’m thinking it was in the US) so you guys are another hour ahead of me (so for this week Link Roundup has gone up at 1pm instead of 2pm and its brilliant.)
I’m glad you all explained, I was deeply confused for a minute! (:
The US clocks have gone forward for spring, so they’re now only 4-7 hours behind us (depending on which US time zone you’re looking at) rather than the normal 5-8 hours behind us. We go forward next week.
Toasts, have any of you changed careers without going back to school? How?? I’m 3 months into unemployment in a very niche field, and while I actually have lots of generally-applicable managerial skills (contracts, accounting, a solid understanding of US immigration law, ability to balance and arrange a lot of super-weird logistics, oh yeah and a law degree), I have no idea how to even begin looking outside my industry. I would be happy to stay in this field, but it’s SO SMALL and I feel like there must be more job openings out there. Also, if I stay in my field, I am pretty much tied to my current city forever, which is…maybe not what I want?
It’s also possible that I am just getting antsy and want to change something in my life, so maybe I’ll dye my hair a fun color instead of changing careers. That can’t hurt the job search, right?? *facepalm*
My dad was partially in charge of hiring for his branch and he advised filling out your resume with all life experiences that would be relevant to what you want. For example, he advised a single mom who was applying to be an accountant with “no experience” that the very nature of her being the head of a household shows she knows how to budget and crunch numbers. It really opened my eyes to how to express my worth on paper, even if I have formal training. Hope that helps!
I’m trying to think of where AAM would advise you to start, but I am not sure? Networking events? (Those sound terrible) Informational interviews? Ugh, sorry, that’s not a fun place to be.
Perhaps a tattoo instead of a fun hair color?
What I really should do is blanket all the relevant offices with my resume, but…ugh. I’m not quite there yet. Also it’s sort of the wrong time of year, you know?
Tattoo would also be fun, except I’ve gotten three new ones in the past year and should probably slow down a little! I keep thinking that I could dye my hair a fun color and then just cut it all off if I get an interview and/or job…ideally not until I’ve had the fun hair for a couple months, but probably if I actually did it, I’d get a job immediately.
I’m keeping an ear to the ground for you! We have a conference coming up, too, so I’ll be seeing a lot of our regional members then.
And with that logic, the dye job would be a sound investment!
Is anyone else feeling cranky and just want to do general whining? For the past few days I’ve been feeling all like GRRRRARRRRRHGLDIHGGHGHHHGRRRR.
Yes, I’ve felt this way since November. I am always here for crankiness, grumpiness, and whining.
Yep! Work stress + moving fun + pms.
I had to warn my husband about it last night, because he has been really cranky with work + move stuff the past week-ish, and I had to tell him my bandwidth for dealing with that was gone. My turn to wear the crankypants.
I am totally here for the whine whine grumble grumble hiss hiss
Is anyone else feeling cranky and just want to do general whining? For the past few days I’ve been feeling all like GRRRRARRRRRHGLDIHGGHGHHHGRRRR.
Did you guys ever read the enormous MetaFilter thread on emotional labor?
I’ve been reading it on-and-off all week and it’s beautiful and terrible.
I cannot express how important that emotional labor piece has been for me. Thanks for the thread- reading now!
Some wonderful soul summarized, organized, and PDF’d it! When I saw that I got lost in it for an afternoon.
Oh thank you for that link. Whoever that person is, they deserve a medal.
I’ve shared that thread with at least three colleagues. And will probably continue to share it with anyone and everyone who might find it relevant (and/or might need to hear what emotional labor is).
I have been reading bits and pieces of it as it gets posted all over the internet and it’s fascinating. My reactions:
-I think it is great that we are coming to a cultural understanding of this, and I think the concept is so useful, but it’s sad to me that we have to codify caring as labour in order for it to be valued (thanks, capitalism).
-ugh I am so bad at emotional labour (probably not true, I think there’s things I do without thinking about it)
-I am so glad am never getting married (the idea of being expected to be responsible for birthdays and holidays and gifts by either a partner or a partner’s family is so tiring, even as a hypothetical)
-oops, I have been letting my sisters do some unacknowledged emotional labour (e.g. reminding me to send cards or signing my name to cards for me; asking my younger sister to be the executor of my mom’s will even though traditionally it is done by the oldest child because I know she’ll be better at it than I am)
i think about it literally every day. i also think about the fact that neurotypical men [generally] have the same level of emotional/interpersonal sensitivity as autistic women. as a neurotypical woman partnered with a possibly on-the-spectrum man, i feel a bit hopeless sometimes :
TBH, the older I get (and I suppose this year I will officially be “pushing 40”) the less I think the actual reality of an actual partner seems at all appealing for these very reasons. The part of my romantic nature that hasn’t been metaphorically crushed under a rockfall is still holding out hope that maybe I could meet someone who could be a true partner, where we make each others’ lives easier and more wonderful in a number of ways both practical and intangible. But taking an honest look at literally every serious relationship I’ve ever had, I end up doubling my own emotional work without any sort of reciprocation. The one time I lived with a guy I also ended up doubling my grocery bill because he found running errands at large stores “dehumanizing.”
You guys, I’m staring at the pile of dirty washing I have been staring at for the last two weeks and I really need to do something about it. Can someone come yell at me and spur me into action?
I won’t yell because I have BEEN THERE. But! (a) it will probably not take as long/be as hard as you think it will, (b) if it does, you should do something nice for yourself as a reward (and if it doesn’t you should still do something nice for yourself), and (c) just think of the wonderful smug feeling you’ll have when it’s done and folded and put away and you can drape yourself across your bed and bask in your accomplishment.
I put a load in the machine! Woo!!!
GO YOU!
GO YOU
GO YOU
GO, GO, GO YOU
I am in AWE of this gif. Thankyou.
If you want general cleaning motivation, I’ve found Unfuck Your Habitat to be super helpful.
i’ll be here for when it’s dry and then we can both yell at each other about folding it.
Oh god, I have a load of clean laundry hanging out in the dryer that I can’t take out yet because the laundry basket is full of two different clean loads of laundry that have been there for a week patiently waiting for me to fold them.
Yeah it’s the next day and that load is still sitting in the dryer. I did my hand washing though! and not folded that up either…
This week, after a couple months of funemployment, I got hired at an awesome company and will have a female boss for the first time. They weren’t even actively looking for anyone, but she liked my application so much she hired me practically on the spot! Plus, I met a bunch of cool people volunteering this week, and I’m getting an article published next week. Everything’s coming up Milhouse!
And today, I get to go on a road trip to Portland, Oregon for the weekend, with a high chance of Hamilton sing-alongs the entire way there. Any recommendations for things we shouldn’t miss? On our list so far: Powell’s, Pok Pok, Salt and Straw, Screen Door, Blue Star Donuts (we’ve tried Voodoo before), dancing at Ground Kontrol, Multnomah Falls.
if you like whiskey, getting a table upstairs at the multnomah whiskey library is worth the wait.
I do! Thanks for the tip!
If Pok Pok is too busy, try the Whiskey Soda Lounge across the street. It’s a more limited menu, but it has the delicious wings and a bunch of other yummy stuff.
*sigh* now I’m thinking about Pok Pok …
Good to know, thanks! I’m SO excited for Pok Pok!
Oh, Powell’s! <3 Enjoyyyy
My favorite place in the world!!
Since it sounds like you’ll have a car, take a trip up to Pittock Mansion–ridiculous, huge Victorian house, gorgeous gardens, and on a good day, a fantastic view of the city: http://pittockmansion.org/
If it would interest you, definitely take a tour of the house itself (my favorite room there is the master bathroom, because it has an incredible shower that I want to steal for my own house), but you can just as easily (and for free) stroll around the grounds and have a wonderful time. When my fiancee and I lived in Portland, we’d buy stuff for a picnic lunch and drive up there just to enjoy the scenery.
Thank you, that sounds lovely!
Give us a resume writing class!! Congrats!!
Thank you!! 🙂 I was surprised because I’m honestly terrible at resumes, but I do write a mean cover letter (mostly based on this advice from Ask A Manager).
I’ve lived in Portland for 2 1/2 years now, and thanks for your list, it makes me feel like a real Portlander (since I’ve done all of those)! If we have nice (read: not raining) weather and Multnomah Falls is mobbed as it tends to be on weekends, try Latourell Falls nearby or really anywhere in the Gorge. Vista House is near Multnomah and sooo worth it for the view!
Wait, are you on the pdx toasties group on facebook yet? I can’t remember.
I am!
This is a question of almost no consequence, but I want to get y’all take on it:
I live in NYC, and do not know the people who lived in my apartment before I moved in 13 months ago, other than it was a couple. They have continued receiving a lot of mail (not just the normal random greeting card or credit card offer), and it’s been 13 months now and it annoys me. I think they must not have filled out a “change of address form” because the mail didn’t suddenly start coming a month ago when the USPS address-change option ceases.
I’ve found one of them on FB – she has a unique name, her partner not so much – I kind of want to message her and say “hey can you please update your records? or file something with USPS?” … is that weird and unlikely to be taken well? She gets at least 3 pieces of mail a week. sometimes more.
thank you!!!
I think if you’re receiving mail that’s obviously important it’s worth contacting them, but if it’s mostly credit card offers or whatever it probably isn’t worth it.
I am in almost this exact situation (I even also live in NYC). I’ve been getting mail for the previous tenant in my apartment, mostly things that are very obviously medical bills. The worst part is that my mail keeps being returned to sender even though I filed my address with USPS, so I’m pissssssed.
I tried putting them back in the mailbox after writing “does not live here” on the envelopes, but they kept coming. Eventually I did what you’re thinking of and found the guy on facebook and told him he was getting all these bills still sent to our place. He never responded! I’m not sure whether he just didn’t see it or didn’t care.
I’d just throw the mail out and not worry about it. Long ago moving was my way of avoiding mail I didn’t like. I’d only update my address with the entities from whom I wanted to hear.
if it’s personal mail, definitely worth it. if it’s catalogues and other junk, it might be taken weirdly. i have been living in the same apartment for 6 years and i still get mail addressed to the previous 3 or 4 tenants regularly.
i totally still get mail (in NYC) from 3 or 4 tenants back. been in my apartment for over 5 years. i write “return to sender” on the important seeming stuff & leave the rest on ledge that everyone in my building uses for credit card offers for long-ago-moved former tenants.
It’s not weird to get in touch with her if you’re getting important or personal mail. She’d probably like to know and she can ignore your message if she’s trying to dodge some mail.
If they’re bills, especially bills related to your house, get in touch with those companies. It can be annoying to sort it out if they think it’s you, even though you can prove you’re not.
I’m dealing with this now, and the internet said you can also go down to the post office in person and fill out a change of address that says, i’m the tenant there and I’m the only one living there, there’s no known forwarding address, etc. and it helps. I also put a sign ON our mail slot saying that our [lastnames] are the only tenants and specifically not to put mail from {old tenants last names} in the mailbox. It has yet to help. It’s also infuriating. Our staircase is full of mail trash.
Speaking as a former mail carrier: Most mail carriers are under constant pressure to go faster. Stopping to check resident names slows them down.
NGL, I got fired the day before my probation ended, so it would have become far more difficult to get rid of me, after a year and a half of being a mail carrier, because I refused to give shitty service or skip my lunches and breaks in order to make an arbitrary time commitment decided by a computer. I knew people who’d been mail carriers for twenty years, most of which were on the same route, that had started skipping their lunches (which were deducted from our daily pay whether we took them or not–so they were working for free for half an hour every day) just so that the supervisors wouldn’t berate them every single day for supposedly being slow.
I realize my comment sounds defensive, upon rereading. I’m still grieving the loss of that job, unfortunately, as (other than the stress from my supervisors) I really enjoyed it, and was making good money. I’m sorry I took that out on you!
Former mail carrier here:
If it says “presort standard” or some abbreviation thereof, just recycle it.
First class mail: write “not at this address” and stick it back in the box. Just keep doing that. If your box has a little spot to put your name, do that, but if the carrier isn’t your regular or is in a hurry that day or you live in a building with eight billion mail boxes it might not matter, since most mail carriers are under constant pressure to go faster and stopping to look at names slows them down.
Forwards only last for a few months. After that shit will get returned to sender.
Ugh, I arrived at a (long distance) conference, talk in hand, but am too far down mid-spring-allergy meltdown to be able to think clearly or speak except in a croak. What to do? Has anyone ever had success asking someone else to read the text of their talk for them?? or shall I just inhale hot tea and make a best effort?
At least there are lots of interesting pictures for people to look at.
If your voice isn’t up to it, I would ask someone to read it for you, but first stand up when your paper is introduced and croak out, “I’m losing my voice, so X has kindly agreed to read the paper; I’d be glad to answer any questions at the end.”
Toasties: I went to England this past week and it was just so delightful. Oh man. I visited family in Yorkshire, and I got to see gorgeous old ruins and tour through the city of York (Yorkminster is…just gorgeous) and drink innumerable half-pints of excellent hard cider. And we went to Edinburgh for the weekend where I bought yarn and ate haggis! Hooray for my first big overseas trip! I think next time I have the funds I would like to go to Iceland for a few days and lounge about in some thermal pools. What’s your favorite place that you’ve visited, or that you’d like to visit someday, and why?
Last Sunday I was lounging in a thermal pool in Iceland in a blizzard. I mostly want to be back there!
Easter Island is the main one on my list, and for repeat visits Kenya and Egypt.
Easter Island sounds so cool.
Oh, that sounds lovely!! Yorkshire was my favourite place to visit in England, when I was last there (thought I missed York). Where’d you go? What ruins did you tour?
I can’t list a favourite (I used to do a lot of travel for work: Cook Islands was the coolest, Paris was unsurprisingly lovely, Warsaw was the secret surprise), but I would love to make a proper trip north, either to Nunavut, or the Yukon, or Churchill, Manitoba, and feel close to the top of the world.
We toured Fountains Abbey. It was just beautiful, I would go back there in a second. And on York, I went to Yorkminster and The Shambles, then walked around the city wall and along the river. Just delightful.
Cook Islands! Oh my gosh, that sounds great. And I too would LOVE to go to the far north (or far south, I’d love to see Antarctica.)
Oh, that sounds lovely!! I’ve always wanted to go to York. Our trip to Yorkshire was in Dale country so lots of walks, hills, fog, and sheep.
Cooks was GORGEOUS. It was only too bad that I went there for work, so only had a couple days off, but definitely made the most if what I had. Would go back if I could.
I’d go to the Antarctic in a heartbeat if I won the lottery — last time I looked, the trip was like $15-$20k.
Iceland is also on my list of all time favorites! I’ve been so hankering to go back. Scotland, too. North Atlantic gets my soul sparking in a way that no place else has. For places I haven’t been yet but would really like to: South Africa, Kenya, Ecuador, and Norway are all giving me itchy feet! But if I were planning a trip today I think it would be a long distance walk on Skye or an Iceland repeat.
Oh yay! I loved Edinburgh the one time I got to go there. Must go back.
And Wales!!! I’d really love a slow trip through Wales.
Snowdonia and Pembrokeshire are really pretty.
Where did you buy yarn? A friend of a friend owns a yarn shop in Edinburgh and I’m curious if maybe you found it.
Ahh maybe I did!!! It was Ginger Twist, I bought some of her gorgeous hand-dyed silk/merino blend in a lovely shade of light blue.
That’s the store! How crazy.
Oh god I loved York. Loved it. It’s only half an hour or so from MrChouffe’s dad’s so we’ll get back eventually but oh GOD I loved York.
I’m so happy for you, I love York and Edinburgh! I’m really glad visitors are seeing something other than London. My top tip for a UK city is Bristol – especially if you like cider 🙂
I want to go to your trip pls
York Minster is so beautiful! I went on holiday by myself to York a few years ago and loved it.
I’m supporting a new attorney at work, and we recently discovered that we both grew up in the same county in NY (though he lived there much longer than I did, and his family is still there). Considering we met here in San Francisco, and I spent my intervening years in Georgia, this feels like quite the coincidence. Today he brought me a Yoo-Hoo “You don’t see them often out here, and I thought someone from New York might appreciate it!” I’m a little afraid of it, as I haven’t had one in about 20 years and my palate has probably changed a bit since then, but it was a very sweet gesture that has warmed my cold, cold heart.
Anyone else have any good workplace stories to share? Sometimes it’s nice to have a chance to share and hear the good stuff!
I had one endearing moment in an otherwise dull week: I met an adorable man who gleefully announced ”I know we’re going to get along famously because my sister had a cat named PierrePoutine and it was the best cat she ever had.”
I’m a concierge at a large retirement home. This happened last week:
Female resident, singing: Good morning to you! Good morning to you!
Me: But it’s afternoon!
Her, still singing: Good afternoon, dear April, good afternoon to you!
Me: *does a dorky little dance*
Her: Aww, you’re such a cutie pie.
That same day I had several residents thank me for going out of my way to be helpful, and another laughed at a dumb joke I made.
recently, I was underwent breast cancer genetic testing – family history, etc etc – and this week the following happened:
1. my insurance called to tell me that yes, they would actually pay for it (and my doctor was shocked that she didn’t have to fight them about it)
2. I was informed that I have a cyst in my breast but that it’s tiny and symmetrical and essentially, ain’t no thang unless it starts to radically change in some way.
3. my genetic tests came back 2 weeks early and I am negative on all fronts!
sooooo! I am incredibly relieved. I was anxiously plotting ways to get my insurance to pay for preemptive double-mastectomies and basically making myself crazy for these last few weeks.
So happy for you!
Yaaaay
Hooray!
Yay! Dealt with something similar last year and I hope you feel so, so wonderfully relieved.
Book thread! Toasties, what are you reading?
I just finished Our Souls at Night by Kent Haruf, which was lovely and unexpected. definitely wouldn’t have read it if not for the Tournament of Books, but I’m glad I did!
As for what I’m reading now, I’m beginning to make headway in NeuroTribes by Steve Silberman – guessing it will take a looong time for me to finish due to the length, but it’s interesting and written clearly. I’ll probably alternate it with The Sellout by Paul Beatty. My copy just came in to the library, and after today’s ToB judgment I’m really looking forward to giving it a go!
oooh, The Sellout is so good but it’s also a difficult read. Like, really dense with references and wordplay and satire. I’m glad to see it advancing in the ToB!
Just finished Cracked Up To Be, my first Courtney Summers read and it makes me look forward to more. Also read Agnes and the Hitman, which the librarian suggested as one of the funniest on the romance shelf – pretty funny, but definitely more action comedy a la Carl Hiaasen than romance comedy, there was much more running around after bad guys than anything else.
I started reading Parable of the Talents (sequel to Parable of the Sower ) that I read last weekend. Got a few pages in and I actually yelped and sat up in bed. I have not yet successfully embedded a photo – anyone have the code handy? – so I’ll just quote.
She describes this presidential candidate Jarret, who sounds exactly like the bastard child of Trump and Cruz, and then:
“We have, it seems, a few people who think Jarret may be just what the country needs – apart from his religious nonsense. The thing is, you can’t separate Jarret from the ‘religious nonsense.’ You take Jarret and you get beatings, burnings, tarrings and featherings. They’re a package. And there may be even nastier things in that package. Jarret’s supporters are more than a little seduced by Jarret’s talk of making America great again.”
OCTAVIA BUTLER WAS A PROPHET. She wrote this book in 1998. I could post so many quotes just from the beginning. “Make America great again” appears TWICE. I died.
I read those last month and I had almost the exact same reaction. They left me strangely hopeful that we would survive a Trump presidency (though things do get very, very bad)
I just started All the Birds in the Sky which is okay? I like it, I think I’m going to keep reading it but it seems somewhat overwritten? I’m not sure what my main complaint is. It’s fairly entertaining though!
I just finished Station Eleven and I’m about 2/3 of the way through The Player of Games.
I’m currently (re)reading The Armageddon Rag by George R.R. Martin because it was what I ended up choosing for my round of our book club. It’s probably been about ten years since I last read it but I must’ve read it a dozen times in high school (which wasn’t that unusual for me), so it’s a bit of a nostalgia trip.
It’s a weird book club, made of two people I generally like, one person with a pretentious streak a mile wide who loves hating everything, and one dude who would have automatically mostly tuned out any book that was too female-centric. So I figured this was about my best bet on some kind of neutral ground for everyone.
(I almost picked The Wasp Factory, but I realized I didn’t actually want to be present for the discussion that would have come out of that . . .)
I read Assassin’s Apprentice this week, and the ending destroyed me. The whole book was very enjoyable, though. It was a nice place to hang out for a few days.
Now I’m reading NK Jemisin’s The Killing Moon, which I like so far. There’s a lot going on, and the world is very rich
Currently reading The Heart Goes Last by Margaret Atwood. It’s good but it’s not my favorite of hers. I’ve been having a little trouble being really into the story and I’m not sure how I feel about some of the things she’s playing with. Maybe I will get a better handle on it as I keep going.
I have SEVEN BOOKS i’m in the process of reading but only three I’m actively paying attention to, those being:
Chaos Choreography, Seanan McGuire.
Unfamiliar Fishes, Sarah Vowell.
The Talented Miss Highsmith Joan Schenkar
I checked out Alice plus Freda Forever as a birthday gift to myself and once I actually finish a book I’M GOING TO READ THE HELL OUT OF IT.
I just finished the audio version of “Crooked Letter, Crooked Letter” by Tom Franklin. It’s a kinda souped-up John Grisham novel (which is not a knock, I love a good John Grisham), but much more atmospheric and creepy. Having grown up in a small Southern town, this hit home. They can be creepy af.
I’m about halfway through The Mandala of Sherlock Holmes that was recommended by a toastie and I’m really enjoying it. I also started I’ll Give You The Sun and it’s really well written and fascinating, but man does it make me happy to not be a teenager anymore!
The Sellout is so good. So so good. It might be my favorite ToB book, although I liked quite a few and am having a hard time ranking them (no brackets for me).
Right now, I’m trying to finish The Sympathizer before it comes up again on Monday. This is the first year that I’ve read most of the TOB books and I’m finding that I’m enjoying it a lot more than previous years because I know what everyone is talking about.
I am re-reading the Anne books and finding them lovely as ever, though definitely liking some of them less than I remember liking them before?
Also reading Alphabetical by Michael Rosen which is a history of how each of the letters of the English alphabet came to be called and sounded like they are and which is absolutely fascinating and written extremely engagingly and if you like words or language you should definitely give it a try!
I am reading Eve Was Framed by Helena Kennedy, a book about how the UK legal system is really shit for women (and black people, working-class people, gay people …) and am enjoying it very much, although it makes me angry.
Does exercise stress anyone else out?
I know the common idea is it blows off steam and reduces stress, and if I’m trying to cool down after, say, a fight with my mom, it really does make me feel better! But some of the primary stressors in my life are my grad school work, completing maintenance tasks around the apartment, and applying for jobs. If I take time off from these tasks to do a half hour of yoga it pushes me frequently to the point of anxiety attack because I feel awful about ignoring things with deadlines. I don’t know how to shut off the part of the part of my brain that tells me I’m bad for taking time for my fitness.
I’m with you – I keep trying to make a deAL with myself that I can start my class work once I’ve exercised for half an hour, but I get so stressed about it that I start working earlier. :/ Basically I think – for myself – the problem is less about the exercise and more that it is a symptom of my general overwork. Which is in itself a symptom of anxiety. Which exercise would help, according to all sources, if only I could control my anxiety enough to do it. *hands* I have no helpful suggestions, but commiserate!
(Please ignore this suggestion if you just want commiseration, not advice!) Would it help to reverse the order there? Instead of exercise first, then work, can you get work done, then exercise? Especially if you give yourself a list of tasks to accomplish, do them, and then get to exercise once you’ve done them. Then you have a feeling of accomplishment and a sense that you’ve “earned” this time to take a break. Of course, this hinges on writing a list of tasks that’s do-able in the time you have, which might be hard if you’re feeling overwhelmed.
Advice is fine! I’ve tried things along those lines, and also anxiety meds. My work never seems to be finished, so it’s hard to find a stopping point. That’s why I’m working on adding exercise before work – it’s more likely to get done if it’s on that end of the schedule, although it’s not getting done at all at the moment. 🙂 There must be a way, though, and eventually I’ll figure it out!
That makes sense. I hope you find something that works for you. Best of luck!
Physical activity has never been an outlet for me. It usually works as a distraction but I’ve never felt like it helped me work something free.
Is it possible to mentally recategorize it as an obligation? It’s not something nice that you’re doing for yourself because you’re avoiding doing important things, it’s something important that you’re doing so that you’re healthy enough to do everything. Add it to whatever planning device you use (planner, habitica, Google Calendar), and give it a deadline of the end of the day or whatever makes sense for your exercise schedule.
Another option would be mentally recategorizing physical activity as a reward/break for getting other things done. Wrote a page of words? Get to go outside for a quick run! Mopped the floor? Get to dance to my favorite jam for the next five minutes. Read a chapter? Get to do a 15-minute yoga flow to rest my eyes! If you tie the reward to a specific task, that might help short-circuit the part of your brain that’s thinking you’re not getting things done.
Best of luck with this. The end of grad school is a really hard time, and it’s great that you’re working on taking care of yourself as you get through it.
Maybe a different type of exercise would work in that kind of situation? I love yoga, but when I’m anxious it makes me feel like I’m just “relaxing” instead of getting things done. Running, biking, rowing machine – exercise that increases my heart rate and is just repetitive movements – help me drown out anxiety and mask the accompanying physical feelings. It’s like I can then “blame” the exercise for my heart rate, so when I’m done my body gets back to normal.
Yoga stresses me out, actually, because as an anxious person I REALLY need something that will give that fight or flight energy direction or form. Having a pretty blonde lady in Lululemon tell me to just, like, ~pay attention to the breath~ and ~release bad thoughts like balloons~ is literally the worst thing possible when I’m anxious.
However, I have found that dance (like, Zumba or ballet), pilates, swimming, stuff like that REALLY helps. Basically, exercise that uses all that energy and kind of forces you out of your head and into your body. I find that it takes the nervous edge off of things and wears me out just enough, so that afterwards my stress/anxiety is at a manageable or even productive level, rather than all-consuming.
It’s a bit expensive, but I bought a fitbit through Groupon and it’s essentially gotten rid of this problem, at least for me.
I love that it tracks all of your movement, because it turns my whole day into exercise. I get to “count” everything, not just 30 minutes at the gym. It also recognises and rewards tiny things, like listening to the radio while walking around my apartment instead of sitting down with TV the minute I get home.
This is a thing that works for me and may not work for others, but it has taken so much stress and guilt out of my life surrounding the whole concept of working out.
Ohhh yes. It just always feels like a punishment to me when everyone seems to frame it as a joy or a reward. I’m stressed before, during, and after.
Exercise stresses me out most of the time, and I’m still struggling to find the right balance. I’m in academia too, and my work causes me all the stress and increasingly frequent though mild symptoms of anxiety and depression (I am in counseling!). I have done running, cardio, different types of classes and yoga, over the past ten years or so, mostly 4-5 days a week. This did not help my stress level at all-it really made it worse. During 50-60 minutes of working out, I would get really worked up, then come home and cry/be angry. So now I’ve cut back, decided to stop caring, and go to the gym 2-3 times for maybe 30-40 minutes.
I should add that I do not really enjoy working out. It’s “fun” for me maybe 5 times a year. The only form of physical activity that really gets me to unwind is taking a long, long walk. If I could walk 2-4 hours most days I would do it in a heartbeat. Or even enjoy a 30 minute pedestrian commute to and from work.
It often can make me feel stressed. Doing something like swimming, with no other distractions, provides an opportunity for the things I’m worrying about to just go round and round in my head; I need something else to focus on to take my mind off things rather than worrying obsessively. And sometimes it makes me feel more stressed because I feel guilty and full of self-loathing about how bad I am at exercise.
Exercise doesn’t stress me out, but not getting enough stuff done in any week does and how I spend my time. I started doing this chart thing where I came up with what the minimum amount of each thing I need to do regularly is for a week and then said, ok you just need to try and hit each minimum- post your homework, study for 2 hours, do one load of laundry, etc. It helped me a lot in finding some balance, and not feeling like each task I did robbed from another task when they all felt equally urgent.
You could consider taking up walking. Make a rule to always take the stairs instead of elevators. Make a rule to go up and down the stairs 5 times whenever you spend more than an hour in the library, make time at lunch or before dinner or bed to walk for 30 minutes around the block or go to errands that you’d normally take a car to on foot. Walking is great for ideas, so it’s good to take an unplugged walk and mentally outline papers or think about what you just studied. I say “take a lap” to people all the time and I mean it. When you feel stressed or stuck, go take a lap, just one quick walk around the block with deep breaths.
This isn’t necessarily how you want to structure your whole life forever, but you know, if the choice is currently no exercise vs trying to exercise and being angry the whole time, maybe just be like, “this is enough for 2 years in grad school” ??
I find that, due to my ADHD, exercise makes it much much easier for me to focus on a task. Does it do the same for you? Because then, you have a nice justification for doing the exercise first–it’ll make you more efficient at whatever you do after.
Sigh. Dear Toasties,
Tonight I am telling my SO that even though I’m selling my house, I don’t think we are ready to buy a house together. This is due to the fact that he has not really been amenable to any house selling activities (cleaning/fixing up/etc. anything he does is begrudgingly or after I remind him constantly) or buying a house activities (one of my friends suggested that I tee up an easy request of him to find a few houses he likes online and he never did it). I can’t tell if he’s dragging his feet because he doesn’t want to do this (he is younger than me and has never owned a home) or if he’s just distracted with what’s going on in his life. Whenever I say “are you sure you want to do this” he says yes, but then never does anything without my constant prodding. I want him to be 100% engaged in this process like me, I do not want to be driving this house buying ship by myself. My house is going on the market MONDAY.
Am I overreacting?
No you aren’t. Whether it’s distraction or not wanting to or w/e SO isn’t in the place where this is a collaboration and that’s what it’s gotta be for you.
Nope! That sounds like a solid decision. He doesn’t sound like he’s pulling his weight, especially when it comes to emotional labor. Another toastie just linked the metafilter thread about emotional labor so I have the summary open in another thread and this is literally the first comment:
I often talk about emotional labor as being the work of caring. And it’s not just being caring, it’s that thing where someone says “I’ll clean if you just tell me what to clean!” because they don’t want to do the mental work of figuring it out. Caring about all the moving parts required to feed the occupants at dinnertime, caring about social management. Caring about noticing that something has changed – like, it’s not there anymore, or it’s on fire, or it’s broken. It’s a substantial amount of overhead, having to care about everything. It ought to be a shared burden, but half the planet is socialized to trick other people into doing more of the work.
I just shared this with my husband because we’ve been trying to work on sharing responsibilities so that we both have equal time to pursue our passions as well and this point is so salient. Ooof!
Not at all! Buying a house is hard work, and he’s already proven himself unwilling to do even the easiest bit of it (looking for a couple of houses you might like is not hard). Now is the time to disengage, before you’ve gotten really invested in the process.
I don’t think you are overreacting, and I think even though this will be a difficult conversation, GOOD FOR YOU for doing it now, and not after you’ve signed papers or moved in.
No, not at all, and good for you for having the foresight to make this decision now!!
You are awesome.
It sounds like he’s telling you with his (non) actions that he’s not interested in buying a house. You’re not overreacting. I hope you find the best, coziest house for yourself!
I had a happy thing happen! After so much time of wanting to write and meaning to write but not-writing anyway, I’ve started sending out these creative writing prompts weekly to anyone who wants ’em – and someone whose work has been really meaningful to me replied with such most encouraging words! He said he loved my prompt, and sent me what he’d written, and generally I’m feeling all pleased. 🙂
I have not heard from any of the jobs I’ve applied to – three of which were places where I was either an internal candidate or had a family member working at the company. I know job hunting sucks and this is nothing new, but it’s so disheartening. I was really well-qualified for all of these jobs, and I feel like if a combo of qualifications AND connections doesn’t get me anywhere, I’m certainly not going to get anywhere if I apply to places I have NO connection to.
Also one of the people I asked for a letter of recommendation for grad school is dragging his feet, and i still don’t know what combination of grad school and work I’ll be doing in the fall (if any), and everything is up in the air and I desperately want to leave my current job and I am Despondent.
I am here for the job-hunting sucks. I am trying to do it long-distance and I read a bunch of stuff on Ask A Manager that was like “yeah long-distance is really hard expect it to take much longer” and that was super discouraging. I want to leave my current job every day and the only thing that keeps me there is that I don’t have the savings to fund myself while looking for a new position. And I have only been doing this a week.
You know that part in The Giver where they have this big ceremony and they tell the kids what they are well suited for and the kids go off and do that? Part of me finds that terrifying (what if you change your mind? They are only 12?!?) but sometimes I wish life was like that.
I found the thought of living in a society like that one where you are assigned jobs and spouses by people who have thought hard about what is best for you and for your community deeply appealing. I don’t think you’re meant to, though, which is disappointing.
*hug* Job hunting is generally terrible.
Earlier this week for reasons that don’t bear exploring at this juncture, everyone in my division had to go to the optional Women’s History Month panel my agency held one morning. It was four women talking about how they achieved professional success and how their parents were an inspiration and was generally both harmless and uninformative.
BUT. Afterwards at a potluck lunch, I had the joy of sitting with one of our Marine officer men plus three other women. And he told us:
– The woman who said men used to not listen to her in meetings because she was a woman was wrong. It wasn’t because she was a woman, it was because she was weak. (His actual word.)
– You shouldn’t have things like Women’s History Month or Black History Month, because that’s just a way of saying that you see those groups as less than, so we should abolish anything like that.
I had to try so hard not to look at him and go, “Oh, good, I’m glad we have a straight white man here to tell us how these things should work.”
I’ve just been thinking about that ever since it happened and I needed to share.
…wow.
Fucking men.
That sounds infuriating.
I’m leaving work early (shhh secret) to drive back to my hometown with my husband for a trivia night! Our good friend organizes the trivia night as a fundraiser for the regional children’s hospital, and I’m so happy he asked us to be on the team. It’s $10/person, 10 people per table, everyone bring all kinds of food and snacks, and they sell alcohol.
This also means we get to stay with my parents, who will dog-sit our dog tonight and cook us breakfast in the morning, and my dad already roped me into running a 5k race with him and my sister tomorrow. The weather is going to be perfect and it feels like a goddamn vacation. I’m feeling very lucky and grateful that we have such good friends and my family is a source of love and not stress (usually).
What good things are happening for you this weekend, Toasties?! (Also – what trivia should I study up on??!!)
Toasts, my boyfriend’s parents will be visiting this weekend. They’re not staying with us, but they’ll probably stop by our apartment at some point. This is the first time they’ve visited us since we moved in together. Please reassure me that they will not judge me eternally if the apartment is not spotless.
they’re probably nervous, too! Just de-clutter and put away your drug paraphernalia and sex toys
They will be so caught up in the beams of awesomeness radiating off you that they will have no time to notice the state your apartment is in. Their thoughts will be filled with nothing but “wow, our son is so lucky to be dating this person” and later they will only remember a vague impression of rainbows and ethereal choirs when they try to recall what your place looked like. There is no need for concern.
Seriously, though, do what you can to let go of your worry. If they are judging you based on your apartment, then a. there is not a lot you can do about that, because you cannot stop them from being judgy, and b. they are small-minded people, at least in this matter.
This is exactly what I wanted to hear. Thank you! (They are kind people, and I have stayed with them multiple times now, so this is thankfully not their first impression of me. They should have the ethereal choirs and rainbows firmly in place by now.)
My proposal got accepted to facilitate a workshop at a conference in July! First everrrrrrrr!
This week an old mentor from the past disappointed me and I decided instead of being like disgusted and yelling at em in my head to feel gratitude for the ‘board of advisors’ I’ve assembled. Like I set this internal boundary around it.
Congratulations on both counts!
Congratulations! That’s a really exciting moment. 🙂
Mentors do sometimes become monsters, sadly, and it’s hard (but so important) to take what you can from a relationship and let the rest go.
Toasts, I know I’m super late to the OT today, but I’m just having a really difficult week. Really, it’s been a year, possibly longer. I can’t remember. My imprint closed a year ago & I was laid off and replaced by a fairly incompetent mansplainer, and I’m not handling this sad anniversary well. It’s a soulful sadness. I had to go from verging on tears on a subway platform to being ON at a business meeting. I did it fine, acting cheery wise, but now I’m exhausted. I succeeded, even thrived in my career change–truly, in so many ways I’m better off–but the hurt is not healed. I was wronged in a deeper way than I either understand or have allowed myself to process. I meditate every day, I’m doing all my self-care, I’ve been hibernating socially (which is good for me). But the sadness is pervasive. Really, I just want to thank you Toasties for being a balm over the last year–making me laugh, letting me just be sad. It’s been super helpful when I’ve really just felt like climbing under my desk and crying.
We really do love you. I’m always glad when I see your comments appear here or in the LR.
Are you seeing a counselour? Because that’s how I was and I just kept going and going and thinking, I was functioning, I was fine. When I tried medication it was a month or so before I realized I hadn’t burst out inexplicably crying in weeks. You could just need a hand up. I am not the sort of “drugs fix everything” person, but if you’ve tried a bunch of other things, it could be that the real disappointment and awful thing tipped you into a physical depression. It might be good to have someone help you stay on top of it and untangle things.
I didn’t realize how depressed I was until I got back into grad school in January.
Clarice The Terrible Truck was an 88 Mazda b2200. I’m currently waiting on a call to go buy a 1987 Mazda b2200, same color even.
Clarice is dead. Long live Clarice!
Welp.
I’m uh. I’m not sure what to do now.
Oh god, you guys. I sent out an email newsletter through MailChimp yesterday. I duplicated the campaign after sending it to myself to test the mail merge tags, and apparently you have to re-select your tags when you do that, rather than just keeping the *|FNAME|* text. Our entire newsletter list got an email that started “Dear *|FNAME|*”. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. The only positive here is that it’s yet another occasion to think about how much my current boss doesn’t verbally abuse me for mistakes.
Has anyone here gone to university as a mature student (like, thirties or forties) and completely changed their career direction and had it all work out for them without following the typical go-to-uni-at-18, graduate-at-21, get-a-decent-job-and-work-your-way-up route? I’m 21 this year and almost all of my friends will be graduating their bachelor’s degrees this summer, while I dropped out after one year and I just cannot see myself going back any time in the next 8 or 9 years. I really just want to travel and work as a nanny.
I guess I’d just like some reassurance from y’all that I’m not just setting myself up for failure, which is definitely what my family seem to think.
I’m finally graduating this spring from undergrad – at age 30. I do feel behind, professionally, but I also think I was better equipped to learn from my classes I took as a “mature” student compared to many of my classmates who have little experience outside of a school environment.
I see no reason why school first is the only way to be successful if in the meantime you are accruing life experience and skills on the job (vs. videogames in the parent’s basement). The biggest possible downside I can think is if you decided, eventually, to be something like a pediatric neurosurgeon. Then, starting later might mean you are well into your 40’s before you make a decent income. But most careers don’t involve 10+ years of post secondary.
Many of my former classmates are already done with grad school, or moving up in management which is sometimes difficult for me to watch because I feel jealous. But others never really got traction after graduation anyway, so they spent a decade as a nanny or in retail, anyway. Or they studied something they ended up hating, because they made a huge commitment at age 18 before they had developed enough self-insight, like one of my parents.
You’ll do fine. I went back to finish my BA at 34, after an 11-year break. While it was awkward and disorienting in some respects, it was also a much better experience than the first time around.
I felt very, very, very old compared to most of my classmates, and also just kind of over the “being an undergrad” thing, because I’d had a professional identity for a decade at that point.
But I was also better at keeping on top of things than I had been when I was 18, and at putting my intellectual anxieties in perspective. And I had the capacity to mentor and support younger students who were still living in the middle of the thing, which was useful. If you decide to go back, I suspect your experience might be much the same.
I dropped out for four years and manage to be okay.
A good friend of mine dropped out, married early, had a successful job as a consultant, and then went back to school in her late 20s. She just finished up her PhD and is now on the job market.
Agree with all the other comments here. I graduated HS early (at 16) and didn’t go to college until I was 22. Then waited again before going to grad school where I finally figured out what I really wanted to do half way through my 1st master’s … and that thing (academic librarian!) required another degree. So I didn’t get a career type job until I was almost 34. Sometimes I feel “behind” but I also have come to realize that all of the experiences I had travelling, working crappy retail jobs, adjuncting, etc. have all given me skills that I use regularly now.
And like others have said, sometimes waiting until you’re ready means you’re more able to focus and get things out of the coursework. I definitely feel like I got way more out of my undergrad experience from waiting until I was ready to go.
So I’ve never posted here before but I’ve been lurking for awhile or a while (i don’t know. Grammar is hard ya’ll). Anyway, I really need advice. How do people remain friends with exes? I just got dumped a week ago and I don’t want to get back together but I want to be friends and I’m not really sure how to initiate that. I was thinking wait about a month and then send a text. I’ve never been friends with an ex before but we only dated for four months and, while I was hurt by the break up, I wasn’t devastated. I actually think it was the proper call and it was the most civil break up I’ve ever been through. So how do I make this work without making it awkward or making it seem like I want to get back together? Any advice or similar experiences? Thanks!
I think waiting a month (or longer) and then texting is a good idea; just be realistic about the possibility of your ex not wanting to be friends, OR that even if you both try, it just may not work out. I’m not sure you can avoid it being awkward entirely. But it’s fine to state upfront that you’re not interested in getting back together, you just want to catch up (or whatever).
It sounds like you’re in a pretty good head space about the breakup, which is a good thing. Just take care of yourself–and if you guys hang out eventually and it doesn’t feel right for both of you, it’s okay to let it go. Sucky, but okay.
i know well the drive to be friends soon after a breakup, and for me it comes from a sense of familiarity; a person was part of my everyday, and now they’re absent, and the total absence feels weird. it’s a valid feeling. but also, it’s highly beneficial to sit tight and let those feelings fade. most friendships don’t start out emotionally charged and weird, right?
and, for breaking through the ex-to-friend barrier after the cooling-off period, spending time in group settings instead of one-on-one is a good way to see if you DO get along and enjoy each other.
Taking a break away from contact is always a good idea, it’ll always be awkward the first few times you see them, if/when you start seeing someone else don’t hide that information, be willing to accept however your relationship changes.
Sincerely, someone who has lots of exes as distant-but-friendly facebook contacts, and a few more as close friends of whom she is quite fond.
Toasties who knit things for babies (like baby blankets and booties): do you use natural fibers like wool and cotton or acrylic/acrylic blends for ease of cleaning? Normally I stay away from acrylic because I don’t like the way it feels, but I also don’t want to saddle parents with something that takes special handling in order to wash. I guess I’m overthinking it, and I’ve already bought some of the super soft baby acrylic, but now I’m starting to second guess myself.
I tend to go with superwash wool, but mostly because I am selfish and insist on knitting with materials I like. I did hear of one supposedly superwash sweater felting in the wash, but most of what I’ve made has been ok? Plus, the damn thing isn’t going to fit the baby for very long anyway, so I take some comfort in that.
I use cotton. Natural fiber, but just as easy to clean as acrylic. I wouldn’t poo-poo someone who used acrylic, though. To all the people who are like, “OH BUT ACRYLIC MELTS IT’S DANGEROUS,” my response is, if the acrylic clothing your baby is wearing is currently melting, you have bigger problems – namely YOUR BABY IS ON FIRE.
As a parent of a young kid, I’d highly recommend easy cleaning material if it’s something the baby will at all wear/lay on/touch/be within five feet of (if it’s purely decorative, whatever). Babies are poop and spit-up spewing machines. We have a few non-machine washable things people gave us and we just never, ever took them out of the drawer because if they got dirty they were just going on the trash.
I don’t *love* acrylic, but there are a few at Hobby Lobby/Michael’s that are really soft and washable. I would have definitely wanted something I could toss in the wash for my little one.
I will usually go with acrylic since it’s easy to clean, and also because if the baby (or parents) have any allergies or sensitivities to fibers, acrylic definitely should be okay.
Knit Picks sells a yarn called Comfy that’s an acrylic/cotton blend. It’s as soft as an old t-shirt and I found it pleasant to work with. It’s machine washable, though I think you still have to dry it laid flat; and comes in lots of colors and several weights.
Office etiquette question: The man in the office next to me listens to Rush Limbaugh and other conservative talk radio, loudly, every day. It’s incredibly distracting and annoying. I’d love to tell him to turn it down or use headphones, but don’t know how to be nonconfrontational about it. I don’t know this guy, we actually work at different companies, so other than passing him in the hall, we have no reason to interact. Is there a way to politely say “turn down the blustering idiot before I set you on fire”?
Side note, a couple of days ago, he spent all afternoon on the phone with three different people bragging about how he sent a cruel email to someone who said something bad about Donald Trump, “tearing her apart” and telling her that all liberals are evil. So obviously this guy is the worst kind of garbage, and confrontation probably isn’t worth it.
Just knock on his door and let him know that you can hear his radio in your office and politely request that he turn it down or consider wearing headphones. Position it as something like “You may not know this, but the walls aren’t soundproof and I can hear your radio clearly. Can you please turn it down a bit or maybe wear headphones?” This isn’t confrontational at all.
And then, if he doesn’t comply, you can go to your boss and say, “I politely asked him to do this thing and he did not. Can you please speak to his manager? I know we work for different companies, but it’s distracting me from my work.” Because the first thing anyone higher up is going to ask is “Did you talk to him yourself?”
I would just knock on his door, honestly. “Hey guy in office I share a wall with! Your radio is audible through my wall, so please use headphones/close your door/turn down your radio during x business hours” (notice this is not a question–it’s a polite command). You don’t have to be critical of what he’s listening to or give a jusification beyond that. It’s enough to say that that it’s interfering in your space / the work of not his company. I don’t think it’s inherently wrong to be confrontational. Confrontational doesn’t equate to mean-spirited. Just don’t pick a fight about his point of view.
If you’re framing it as a noise issue and not a political one, he’ll probably comply. You could also frame it in terms of privacy, since it sounds like the phone convos are also an issue– management might be able to get you some acoustic tiling or convince the guy to at least close his door if they’re worried about sensitive company information being overheard. (and then you don’t have to hear him call three people and brag about his bloviating)
I’d love to hear things that made you happy today! Like, some kind of win, big or little.
For me, I had made up a little crossword puzzle worksheet for one of my high school groups based on their feedback (I teach healthy relationships & sex education to folks with developmental disabilities). I was finally able to use it today. Y’all, this ended up being one of the most engaged sessions I’ve had with these guys, either on my own or with my co-worker. And today was the first class of this group without her, since she just started up her own private practice. Plus now I know they know these specific concepts.
Basically, I fist pumped my way out of the school today.
We put together a low-maintenance egg hunt in the library where I work and the giddy joy of the students as they turn in their eggs for prizes has been the BEST THING. It has made me smile all day long.
That’s adorable
I got my dishwasher fixed today & it was $20 less than the quote! & $150 less than most of the quotes!
….which is good, especially because I got a cell phone violation ticket (& didn’t know that it was illegal to be on the phone while driving, shows how much I drive in my fair city) sooo that cost difference basically evens out.
Yesssssss…!
…and bummer.
Toasts, I’m having wardrobe anxiety. I want to get rid of a lot of my old femme clothing that’s taking up space and giving me guilty feelings every time I look at it (but can’t bring myself to wear), but if I do that then I’ll be acknowledging that my weird gender shit is permanent and not just a phase?? And maybe it is a phase?? How will I know when it’s not?? Aaaaaaaaaaah.
Even if it is a phase, let’s say you enter some new phase later on– you’re not going to be the same person and you probably won’t want those same old femme clothes anyways, right? Maybe just save one Damn Fine Outfit in case you need it again.
I think I’ll hold on to my ModCloth dresses. They are very cute, and I paid a lot of money for them.
Also my cat skirt.
nobody said anything about ModCloth dresses OR cat skirts! Surely you have a box to keep those in?? If not, and if you are size 10, you can send them to me and I’ll store them for you. 😀
Haha! I am not a size 10 I’m afraid, and there is definitely space for me to store them.
Yes save all the Very Good things, and toss the rest, and then you can put away the dresses if you aren’t in the mood to wear them but you do not have to worry for they shall await your return, if, in fact, you ever wish to return.
Nicer stuff can be sold online through ebay or poshmark. Someone else would love to have modcloth things secondhand!
I . . . feel like I know kinda how you feel in a way where it means that I can offer almost zero useful advice.
I have been also planning on getting rid of a lot of clothes that I don’t wear and are just taking up space, and now I’m thinking about it and I feel like maybe I have this weird second obstacle where some of my clothes seem uncomfortably female so I never wear them, while others are possibly more aggressively femme but actually feel more genderqueer when I actually put them on? So that’s not complicated at all. SIGH.
I guess all I can say to help is that I have all those questions too, so at least it’s always nice not feel like the only person looking into their closet and going “aaaaaaaaaaah.”
Hahahah yes simultaneous to my “too much femme clothing” gripe is my “I don’t have nearly enough cool earrings” gripe because I love nothing more than to rock earrings with my button-down shirts.
Haha, yes. I don’t have pierced ears, but I feel like I would probably be very hard to convince to give up some of my jewelry. Although I’m noticing that my main rotation is between a glitter name necklace that says “Lady Stardust”* and this necklace that my dude gave me for Christmas a few years back: https://www.etsy.com/listing/171480230/large-jack…
(Until I just googled it, I had no idea she had an Etsy shop. This could be dangerous knowledge if I ever have jewelry-buying money.)
*In the couple months since I got the necklace, I have been waiting for someone to ask me enough about it that I can them that the Lady Stardust in the song isn’t a woman and is probably Marc Bolan. So it’s a really sparkly name necklace I designed for a song about a man called Lady Stardust, which probably says just about everything about me?
OH MY GOD THAT NECKLACE
we needs it, precious
The Bargain Bin will always be there for you. Toss it because housecleaning is liberating and buy it on sale if you need it again 🙂
Maybe try putting it in a box/tub for now? So it’s out of sight but you still have it.
Toast nation, are there perhaps any other Cambridgeshire-dwellers out there? (Or Northamptonshire. Or Lincolnshire. Many ‘shires of possibility.) I moved here about six months ago from the US for work, and my social circle remains…pretty much nonexistent. I work with lovely but not like-minded people (also single lady in the land of parents with young children), and I do have friends in London, but I’m looking for people a little closer to home. Any of you out there?
I’m in Warwickshire, if that helps? (actually, looks like I’m no closer than London is, but Hi, Fellow transplanted American!)
Toasties, I am having feels. I know I need to look for a new job, because mine (3 years in) is stagnant and does not have growth options and includes standing in the sun for 3-5 hours every day.
BUT, I have also been in underchallenged for so long that I worry I’m rusty ( and secretly worry I’m lazy and terrible) and this has me scared to leave said job for one that might actually be challenging and expecting of results.
I dithered on one job app recently for 3 weeks, to the point that it’s probably too late to apply. And I think about going back to school a lot but it’s all expensive and I’m not sure what to study. Not a ton of jobs in my field and nebulously want to switch fields, but feel I am trained for nothing ( BA in English).
Anyway, more of a rant than anything, but I feel stuck and clueless toward next steps.
Obviously, I don’t know your financial situation, your age, your skills, your work experience or your wants, so I hope none of this comes across as patronizing! If so, I apologize.
Even if you happen to be lazy and terrible, and I’m not convinced you are, lots of employees are lazy and terrible, far more than you. You may be unique in many aspects, but you are not in this.
You know how to apply for jobs. The first step, updating your résumé and uploading it to LinkedIn and CareerBuilder, is so easy and quick you could do it right now. You may also note to acquaintances who are completely unconnected to your current job and coworkers that you might possibly be looking to change positions. I receive internal job postings all the time, but I don’t pass them along unless I know an acquaintance is looking.
A B.A. in English usually means someone has excellent written communication skills and may be good at critical thinking and at organizing and analyzing information.
You sound like you don’t know what you want, which may work to your advantage. It can be more stressful to apply for a job you really want than to one that may possibly be okay. Try applying for a bunch of positions that sound like improvements, even if they don’t sound perfect. Giving twenty Valentine’s Day cards to the entire class is less nerve-wracking than giving one Valentine to your crush.
If you have basic social skills and can tolerate working closely with people, an English major has all the skills to be an admin, though I don’t know whether this would be a step up or down for you. Most fields, including whatever field you’re interested in, will need people who can type emails in error-free English and put files in alphabetical order. Depending on the company, admin duties could gradually lead to a position with more responsibilities, interesting training opportunities, or glimpses at fascinating professions. At the very least, admins usually work inside!
Remember that most employers will give you some training when you start. I like the Corporette article about applying for jobs even if you don’t meet all of the requirements: http://corporette.com/2016/02/23/apply-dont-meet-…
Good luck!
I am very late to the party, but I wanted to give an update on my friend who had tried to commit suicide.
He’s doing okay, and he did get approved for a mental health leave at work and he’s trying some new meds (which haven’t done much of anything, but also nothing awful, so there’s that), so there is some real movement in the positive direction. My boyfriend has been lovely and supportive of me and suggested we all hang out later today (me, bf, bf’s friends, and my friend) so my friend can get out and meet some new people. I hope it helps.
Just taking it one day at a time.
I have been going through A Very Rough Patch the last few weeks, and it’s, well, it’s not great. However, I have found that acknowledging The Rough Patch and working to get out of it has been… good? Like, I still don’t feel AWESOME and in fact certain things are very hard still, but there’s something almost thrilling about the process of getting out of it. For the first time in a long time, I’ve been spurred to read, to write, to… create stuff.
So, I’m interested in hearing about people’s experiences of coming out of A Tough Time. Did it spur you on creatively? Did you take up a new habit? What was the best/worst part of getting past a difficult time?
I’m still in the middle of the getting out part? But once I got off the fence, I also got a ton of energy (emotionally, anyway), and I stripped wallpaper and painted. I did start doing too many things at once, but even that feels ok because it’s not the bad quicksand I was in before. I will send you any extra motivation I’ve got to help you get out of your rough patch, too.
I am also in the middle of my Rough Patch but I’m almost… excited to get out of it. I have my down days but I’m trying to cook new foods, do yoga (at home) and go for aa occasional walk – all of which are things I either never did or never enjoyed. Knowing that I’m in a bad place, I’ve given myself permission to try things without putting pressure on myself to over analyse how they make me feel, and whether I’m successful at them. Instead of feeling like a failure if the food is bad (or whatever), I think ‘hey sadreceptionist, this tastes like crap but u are the best for trying to take care of urself even when u feel rubbish’. It’s really helping to try and not be a perfectionist at everything!
Strange body odor thread?
I bike to work and have for years. I’ve recently noticed that my sweat has begun to smell disagreeable. Previously it was unnoticeable. What could cause this? Am I dehydrated? Is it weird hormones?
Has anyone experienced this before?
I have no idea if this actually helps, but I had noticed a slightly stronger body odor and my sister (who is rather crunchy) said it could be a reaction to the aluminum that is in almost all bought deodorants and then told me I should try using a lime.
no joke
a lime. Like just cut a lime in half and then rub it on like you would deodorant.
I was HIGHLY skeptical because. a lime.
BUT it is the best thing I have ever done. It works crazy well. Like creepily well. Like I find myself checking to see and nope, no bad smell.
THEN I forgot to buy a lime, so I used an travel deodorant I had in my travel case and I was starting to smell weird by the end of the day.
so it is back to the limes and I will swear by this now.
Thank you very much for commenting! This is fascinating information. I’m pretty sure it’s not my deodorant, because actually, my armpits smell ok. The offending odor seems to be coming from between my breasts. However, I do have a lime in my fridge, might as well try smearing it all over my cleavage!
How old are your bras? I recently had this problem and traced the source to my elderly sports bras.
Some kind of body powder in your cleavage before getting dressed? Washing all your bras and tops with baking soda (with the detergent) and vinegar (in the rinse cycle)?
Ok I’m always down to try crunchy stuff, but… how many days’ use do you get out of a single lime? I feel like this could get expensive– a $4 deodorant lasts me ~3 months or more, and at least in the city, limes can be $0.25-0.50 each. I’m definitely intrigued, though!
1/2 a lime lasts me a week – so about 2 weeks out of 1 lime (I keep it in a zippy bag in the fridge) and I get the limes for .20 at my local Aldi. So .10 a week makes it less than $2 for 3 months for me.
It might be down to a change in diet? I definitely notice belated odorly consequences if I’ve eaten a lot of garlic or something – especially in non-armpit areas (I guess because they have their own thing going on).
Just chiming in to say try washing your clothes in a sport wash, or spraying them with white vinegar after wearing. Or both. Buildup of deodorant on clothes that doesn’t come out in the wash can contribute.
Also don’t overdo it with laundry soap- it also can buildup in clothes and then traps odor. So you think your shirt is clean but as you begin to sweat, that wetness reactivates trapped smells.
Travel question:
Gah! I meant to watch today and get on before there were a billion posts and then I forgot because of craziness at work. BUT If there are any people who can answer this question it will be you Toasties!
I am going to Prince Edward Island in June (squeeeeee) and I would love any advice for things to do, places to go. Of course all things L.M. Montgomery are at the top of the list, but was anything better/worse? Things I should avoid? Good places to stay in the Cavendish area?
Oh, I went there last fall and it was SO beautiful. I was only there for two days so I don’t have a lot of recs. I guess I would say, get out of the towns and allow plenty of time for wandering around in the woods/beaches/countryside because the nature is gorgeous.
This is exactly one of my plans, so nice to have it seconded 😀
Are you going to have a car? Really the best thing to do is drive around, and if you’re staying by the beach, walk around. The countryside is beautiful throughout the island and there are lots of small towns to stop in. The drive along the coast from Brackley Beach to Cavendish is really nice. I have a fondness for the PEI Preserve Company in New Glasgow (jam is my jam, and the jams there are delicious). Charlottetown is a really nice small city, with a downtown that’s perfect for a day or two. There are some good restaurants and breweries there, as well as a nice farmer’s market. Outside of Ch’town is Victoria-by-the-Sea, a small coastal town, where I remember eating a really good lobster roll. If you’re into seafood, definitely find yourself a good lobster roll or lobster supper, mussels and malpeque oysters.
The Cavendish area has gotten increasingly touristy in the last few years, but the beach and the Anne house are totally worth it. Unless you’re really hardcore (or maybe someone else can attest otherwise), Avonlea Village is overrated.
If you’re into cheese, a company in PEI (I can’t remember now, maybe Cows or ADL or some local producer) makes some excellent sharp cheddar.
It’s been a while since I’ve lived there (and I was only there for a year or so), but I’ll let you know if I can think of anything else. Regardless, you’ll have a great time. PEI is a wonderful place to go for a slow, relaxing vacation.
Thanks so much! I am going to have a car because I wanted to be able to go where I wanted. Definitely appreciate your advice!
I wonder if this site switched to Disqus, would my comments actually show up? Like is it a technical issue? Am I being deleted? I have no idea at this point but it happens a lot. So much that it’s kind of impossible to participate in any active discussion.
You do not have a commenting account, so all your comments go into moderation, which means we may not approve them for hours or at all! So I would make an IntenseDebate account.
Okay, i had no idea that made a difference. Sorry for my tantruming and thank you.
Nicole, any advice for someone who already has a WordPress account and IntenseDebate won’t let them create a different account? Or do those count as the same thing…asking for a friend.
I think you just have to have a different email address for the different account. If you use Gmail, you can use an address alias to give IntenseDebate a different address without actually having to have another account. If you use another email provider, maybe see if they have a similar feature.
(I haven’t done this myself, but I’ve suggested it to people with the same question before, and I’m pretty sure some of them reported that it worked fine.)
Toast! I need your help (and I’m super late to the open thread so if any of y’all are still around……..)
My workplace is hiring, and we are in Minnesota with a very low unemployment rate and having a hard time getting anyone to apply (and the three people who have are white dudes which we are already 4/6 composed of). Do you know job boards that might help with this problem? Or, do any of you have friends with organizing experience job hunting and in or willing to move to Minnesota?
Are there any colleges/universities around you? They often have a job posting site for students/alumni through their Career Center. They are often free to post on and might get you some additional applicants.
What kind of job in Minnesota? I’m job-hunting in the midwest!
De-lurking here! If you’re based in the Twin Cities and wouldn’t mind a kick-ass mom-aged person applying, I’d be curious about more details on the position/company! Or if you do find a job board to post on, keep us posted!
Hi, I just need to vent. We have a foster child with us who is 8, he is a great kid but just targets me for his anger. He is polite and kind with everyone else. The social worker says because I give him choices and am gentler etc. And I know it isn’t about me but bloody hell it is stressful!!
Sending love your way. That sounds really difficult. You are doing something amazing for that child. Because you’re a safe space s/he can challenge you. It’s an important lesson for that kid to see what it looks like to try to push someone away and only get love back. <3 Hang tight friend.
Sometimes kids save their anger for the people with whom they feel safest.
THIS!!!!!!!!
That is it. He is trying to test you, because he wants to see if you’ll give up on him or not. My kids did this SO much when their dad left. It was SO HARD. It’s not consciously happening, but it’s part testing and partly knowing that you are a safe person to let anger out to. Heck, this is still what happens with my teen–he can’t process his dad’s emotional manipulation so it rebounds to me. You are doing all the right things. Just go cry if you have to when he’s at school and remind yourself you are doing a great job. You are.
Just wanted to say, as a member of society, thank you for your service. Seriously, thank you.
You are doing a wonderful thing by allowing him to express his anger without fear of losing you. I am impressed!
I want to vent a bit, to get it out of my system. (I haven’t commented much before, sorry if this is bad etiquette.) I just started a self help group for anxiety. I have social anxiety, and maybe general anxiety too. Maybe my hopes were too high, but I just feel more hopeless now than ever. Everyone else in the group has real lives. With other people! I’ve had problems for such a long time that I haven’t dealt with, and now that I’m trying I feel like I have no one, and no way of getting out of it, because I don’t know how to meet new people. It feels like I’ve wasted my life. (I’m 30 yo.) But then I try to remember that I do have three friends! And then I think… “who barely know me, because I don’t know how to trust or let people in.” Ah, well.
I think everyone looks at other people and thinks they have lives that are realer than they are, and thinks their own lives are less real than they are. In my experience, self help is not always effective – for me it made an echo chamber rather than a constructive path – though the intention is admirable. Finding a good therapist worked wonders, though. I’m not saying that’s what you need, but it might be. Reaching out is hard! Good on you to do what you are doing. Don’t walk away just because other people look more put together than you feel. I mean that sincerely, so I hope none of this sounds condescending. But if you remember that anxiety is *why* you took this step, recognizing that anxiety is *the* reason it doesn’t seem to be working, maybe you can remove your doubt from the equation. ~ good luck ~
Thank you so much for replying! (It did not sound condescending at all.) You’re probably right, too, about people coming across as more put together. I had just hoped to meet someone a bit like myself, I think, to know that I’m not alone in this. (Which is expecting way too much, I realize.) I hadn’t considered that this form of “therapy” might actually be detrimental though. have gone to some cognitive behavioral therapy (if that is the correct term in English), but it’s very expensive which means I don’t go as often as I “should”. I have an appointment next week, I just had to vent a bit now. Of course, posting about it led to more anxiety… so again, thanks so much for your kind reply!
Based on your description, I wonder if the people more like yourself are simply less likely to show up to a support group? You’ve reached the point where you’re able to make this big step forward and others struggling in similar ways may simply have not reached that point yet.
Good luck!
Yeah, maybe. I don’t know if I should hope there are others out there as messed up as me, because that just seems mean, but if there are… it’s probably unlikely that they would come to a group like this. It’s been really helpful for me to comment here, because my voice of anxiety is being countered (wrong word?) by all of your voices of reason. Thank you!
For what it’s worth, I think you’re doing great it you’re figuring this stuff out at 30. I don’t want to discount your feelings, but… you have not wasted your life! 30 is still very young! Especially in this day and age. You’re figuring this stuff out so early, so far ahead of so many people I’ve known; I know people who are 40, 50, 60 and still haven’t dealt with their anxiety or other mental health issues. Of course it’s not a competition, this is just to say that any doubts about your progress and hopes are the sneaky voices of the anxiety itself.
I’m trying to remember that there is plenty of time left and that, as you say, it’s not a competition. Sometimes it doesn’t work. I’m going to try to take your words to heart about the sneaky voice of anxiety. That voice is too good at twisting everything until I think I truly am the only person in the world who feels this way,. It helps to have another person tell me that “no, really, that is still your anxiety talking.” Thank you!
I’m not using my usual real-name login because I can’t bear being open about any of my anxieties, which is why I feel you on the friends barely knowing you.
Social anxiety therapy is the worst, but you rock for trying! I went to a group once and everyone else seemed fine, except for public speaking or test taking or something that’s socially acceptable to fear (except for the one person I felt some solidarity with who quit coming after 2 sessions). I know their problems are real, but they’re very different from not being able to say anything to the group or an individual therapist. It took me a while to stop blaming myself for it not helping, but now I’m angry that the therapists presented it as the only option and acted like I just wasn’t committed enough for it to work.
If you can ignore the other people and use the resources to make some progress, great, but don’t give up on finding some help if you can’t. I didn’t take my own advice, but I’m currently trying to psych myself up to try looking for a therapist again, maybe one online so I don’t have to talk face to face. The intake person for the group was great, and I’m pretty sure would’ve been helpful for me, but she wasn’t allowed to take patients herself. Still, the existence of someone potentially helpful gives me hope for you, too. Good luck, and feel free to email me if you want more commiseration (pigpuppet at gmail).
Thank you so much! I recognize a lot of what you’re saying and if i thought any of my (three) friends read this I would be in a panic now. Just thinking about it… So I won’t!
Self help therapy is not what I thought it would be. You’re incredibly strong for 1) going and 2) understanding that you weren’t the reason it wasn’t helping! I think people with anxiety are among the best at self-recrimination, so that is really impressive (and to me, admirable). I have gone to some individual therapy sessions (cognitive behavioral) and think it’s really helping me. The therapist isn’t a miracle worker, maybe, but I feel like she’s at least trying to make me feel… not hopeless. 🙂 Without her, I would never had had the courage to post anything here. But I think she can only help to a certain extent, because even if I learn how to get better at dealing with my anxiety, I feel like I will never get a chance at practicing, because I’m so alone now.
I really hope you find a therapist. It sucks that when you did try you were made to feel like the therapy/therapist was right you were wrong. It makes it that much harder to reach out again. (Rather, it would be for me.) Thank you so much for your kind comment and understanding! Good luck to you, too! And thank you so much for offering your email! I want to email you, but I need to calm down a bit about posting here first (very sorry if that’s rude/unacceptable).
Maybe a self-help group isn’t right for you, but perhaps a cognitive-behavioral type of workbook would be more useful? My old therapist gave me photocopies of pages of a particular one she liked and I was to work on them during the week. They help you learn to redirect your thoughts and practice better thought patterns. I can’t remember any names off the top of my head, and don’t know what’s available in your language, but I feel like one of them was literally called something like the anxiety workbook. There’s also a website called Mood Gym, which walks you through some CBT stuff at your own pace as well.
Best of luck to you. I didn’t get help for my anxiety until I was 35, and what worked for me was a combination of individual CBT, doing the workbook, mindfulness meditation, and a small dose of medication. Group therapy sounds like it would not have been up my alley frankly but you should be super proud of being so brave to actually check it out, even if you ultimately decide “meh.”
No, maybe it really isn’t. I honestly didn’t think that was… I don’t know how to put it, but I didn’t consider that it might not be right for me until reading the replies to my comment. I will check out Mood Gym, if that could be an option. Thank you so much! (It also helps to know that it is possible to feel better.)
Here’s the link: https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome
Good luck to you! I hope you get some relief from your anxiety soon.
I’m sorry this is so late, but thanks!
Have you read any of the Bloggess? Because a lot of her blog and her books addresses how her many anxieties have affected her choices and kept her from doing things she really wanted. I am pretty exhausted right now so I can’t think of any coherent thing to say beyond that but I wanted to mention her to you before I forgot.
I haven’t, but will check it out. Thanks so much for the recommendation! And thanks for taking the time and making an effort despite your exhaustion, that is… Thanks.
We bought a house in the crazy Seattle housing market! It was the second time we put an offer in, and now we are all the way past the appraisal stage. It is very exciting, but also very adult.
People are being a little weird about it though. They want to know how much we spent. They want the address to view the listing. They make comments along the lines of “It is a nice house, but not a great neighborhood you know”. I’m never quite sure how to respond to these comments, particularly the “not a great neighborhood” ones. We like the neighborhood a lot and put a lot of thought in where we were looking. Thoughts?
Congratulations, that’s awesome and that is what people should say but maybe some are jealous and just want to rain on your parade. When people talk about the neighbourhood just say “we like it” and eave it at that. Again congrats! !!
Have any (or all) of these gifs loaded on your phone and ready for display:
Those people are acting like assholes.
Ding ding!
Go back to the post about unsolicited parenting advice, look at the illustration, and mentally photoshop a tiny house in the carrier. Read the list until you laugh yourself out of giving a fuck.
Congratulations!! Those people are being rude- answer them however you wish! I’m a fan of “Wow, that’s inappropriate.”
Yes these people are being rude!! Full confession, though, I live in said crazy market and I’m curious as all hell. I just saw an article this week that there were only about 900 houses for sale in the whole city – insanity!
But I’d never ask you rude questions about it.
We’ve only been looking for three months, where some of our friends have been looking for much longer. But we probably looked at all 900 houses on the market. With this house, it went on the market on a Thursday evening and the sellers were looking at offers first come first serve. We looked at the house the next day, put in an offer, and did the inspection that Saturday. We lost a bidding war on a different house early on that broke our hearts. It has been like having a second job.
But now we close in early April! Hooray!
Congrats! It’s a stressful process, even in a normal (whatever that is) market.
A condo in my building had an open house on a Sunday, and was marked “pending sale” online by the very next day. I’m curious to find out what it actually went for – at list price or above.
My boyfriend of 8 years and I just broke up. Hurting right now.
I’m so sorry to hear that. I’ll be thinking of you. Hang in there, siren555. <33
Oh, I am so sorry to hear that. Be kind to yourself.
*hugs*
Thanks you guys. We have been planning on counselling for a while but the wait lists have been long. We finally got an appointment (Mon) but he says his heart’s not in it. The last couple of weeks have been particularly bad (cycle of criticism and blaming each other) and I think that’s what did it. We finally snapped out of it but I guess too late.
Ugh, how awful. I know it doesn’t help with the pain, but I’m so relieved for you that he has admitted his heart isn’t in it. So much better than you doing all the work alone. You deserve better. Sending lots of healing vibes.
So hard. Internet hugs to you.
Oh, Jedi hugs. I’m so, so sorry.
I have a misandry brag: while in a pharmacy, an older white man jumped in line before us (two women). When the clerk began interacting with him first despite seeing we got there first, I interrupted and the older white man had to WAIT! He did so scowling, with arms crossed. He might have had to wait almost three minutes.
I was so proud of myself!
This is excellent! I am always hesitant to speak up when this happens (and it happens way more often that one would expect if you don’t pay attention?) bcos white men generally ~scare me~ a little but I’m really trying harder to do so! Wait your three minutes, entitled white man!
I passed my first month of training and all the theory for my new job! On Monday I get to start stabbing people!!
…I’m a phlebotomist, it’s allowed.
congrats! I think? 🙂
Cool! Good luck with the (legal, necessary?) stabbing – sounds like… fun? ?
Oh congrats! I’m a doctor in a children’s hospital and our phlebotomists are gifts from heaven. I did a lot of phlebotomy during my training, so I know how hard it can be. But I also know how satisfying it is to get it on your first try, or to get that stick that no one else can. Good luck
WHEW. I”m tired, so this will come out less sensible than usual!
very late coming to OT, but it was a heck of a week. Finished two stats projects, a GIS presentation, and my teenager has been having daily stupid transportation crises (like, on Tuesday, he was in the very same band room as his little sister was having her trumpet lesson, but somehow couldn’t find her when college boy drove to the school to pick them up, and because he panicked and didn’t have his phone he called my ex to drive him home). Basically one OR TWO of those crises A DAY all week! and my car was in the shop so I couldn’t fix them!
I had to shift gears in lacrosse practices, and today practice was unexpectedly canceled. I was working on homework that had a deadline, had to spend 5 hours in departmental colloquium, was trying to text parents back and forth and was supposed to be at a band concert and a wedding reception AND the cancelled lacrosse practice all at the same time. I made it to the concert because I had never missed a concert until Wed, because lacrosse. I needed to make it to this one.
My dad isn’t “going to keel over” –his words. He will need one, if not two, heart surgeries, but hopefully the laser kind.
My daughter is actually pretty darn good at lacrosse if I do say so myself. I taught them a little bit of defense and contact, and had them run through a defensive drill. She ran out there in stance with her karate face on, totally in “You aren’t getting past me” mode–to the 8th grade boy who’s taller than I am (she’s 4′ 9”, I’m 5′ 8″). It was awesome to watch. She has permanent imposter syndrome.
One of the girls on my team is having severe anxiety/depression issues and I worry about her. She missed practices this week because of it. Her mom is very on top of it and I’m glad it’s me coaching and she can still participate in a sport.
I’m —very very very overloaded but totally thrilled with everything I’m doing except the job. This week starts “spring break” so I’ll get to work on some of my research and have a little time to breathe. And two of my dinners didn’t burn this week!
It is very good that my dad is not going to die. We were all very worried. We still are, but what he has wrong is plenty fixable.
That sounds like you definitely had A Week – but not burning two of your dinners is great and for this, I hope to be more like you… One day, when I learn how to cook better.
ha, ha–I got home, realized that if I didn’t cook the meat right now it would spoil, opened the chicken, covered it with butter and seasoned salt. Ditto for the beef roast. Threw them in the oven and told teen to take them out in 1 1/2 hours.
He fell asleep. 3 hours later, when I came home I had beef jerky, and a very nice roast chicken.
I am sending you all of the good thoughts, LaxMom!
Thank you! Right back atcha!
I can’t edit. I thought today I could breathe, even though I had crazy LAX scheduling to do. Nope. Teen just passed out in the running shower. I’m glad he didn’t drown. We are hoping it is just his vagus nerve. Lovely.
Oh man LaxMom wtf I hope he’s OK. Wish you could just catch a break! :\
I am jealous of all you people who get to participate in the open thread —- I am temping/contract somewhere that has a big open office plan and feel like I can’t have Random Sites open while everyone walks behind me.
I am also jealous, mostly bcos of time differences (OT comes out at like… 4am-ish on a Saturday here.)
I keep my Random Sites open next to a spreadsheet because spreadsheets always make you look busy.
Those radishes with just a little butter and some sea salt. YUM.
ALSO, I’m kind of lurky, but I’ve been coming out more recently, and y’all are the most supportive and empathetic crew and I thank you.
Thank YOU pal
Omfg, Iain Duncan Smith (UK Tory minister in charge of administrating cuts to disability benefits) just resigned 😀 I hate his smug evil face.
Meanwhile, George Osborne ran away from a scheduled photoshoot to hide in a tiny metal office, and then instead be photographed in a small hole, because protestors were embarrassing him 😀
What’s the difference between astronomy and gender?
In astronomy, binaries are useful!
Ouch!
I'm sorry this is so late, but thanks!
Thank you for this (and sorry for the delayed reply)!
It's really good to hear about the perspective of a child with a mother who also had a lot of other things on her plate besides parenting. I think your strategy to put the children first sometimes is a good one, and your comment has had me thinking a lot over the past couple of weeks about my own lack of self-esteem, and how that is related to my tendency to ignore my own needs (especially when it comes to doing things which will make me calm or more content).
Yeah, i think it is a bit of a myth. Perhaps like multitasking–in reality you're just doing a lot, one after the other, not a lot at the same time.