620 Comments

    3. TheasyPeasy +39

      Get the tattoo and then write about it and then I’ll cry in my cubicle.

      Please?

      1. whizzdumb +12

        Except it’s obviously got to say “I would die 4 U” we’re doing stick n pokes, gotta keep ’em short

          1. whizzdumb +9

            OH!! That is how he spelled it!! I’m such a clown and he was a visionary. (Not being sarcastic at all, just self-deriding for only now finding out his propensity for using text short-cuts) Anyway it’s going on the side of my left butt cheek.

    5. StephARad +9

      Yep this slayed me. It’s such a testament to him and the fact that the work/art we do and connections we make with others will outlast us all.
      Ugh this week.
      Going to go put on purple pants and try to do some good work today

    7. walrathem +4

      Good God. That’s Prince right there – someone with that talent delivering a tribute like that. He’s so good the best looked up to him.

  3. needlepointless +82

    So, so sad still. I woke up this morning and said to my CAT “I don’t want to go be in a world without Prince.” She sauntered off.

    2. logicbutton +23

      Sauntering off without responding is exactly what Prince would have done, so she was probably trying to make you feel better.

  4. Catandrist +367

    I had a flashback last night to 8th grade, sitting in my friend Martina’s bedroom, listening to 7 on repeat. I got up to use the bathroom and discovered I had gotten my first period. Prince is that powerful.

  5. britomartian +49

    I once lived nearish to a place with a secondhand store called “Raspberry Beret” and every time I went past it I would sing shee-heee-heeeee wasn’t too bright, but I could tell, when she kissed me – she knew how to give a kiss which is one of my all-time favourite lyrics. Miss u, Prince.

    1. RudyRed +12

      When I was a kid, I had a red beret with a black bow (which I did indeed get from a secondhand store). Whenever I wore it, my parents would sing the refrain of Raspberry Beret to me.

    2. fatslut +18

      Either you lived in my neighborhood or there are multiple secondhand stores called Raspberry Beret. I kind of hope it’s the latter.

    4. friendofdaja +9

      I just walked by there today! I was disappointed that they didn’t do some kind of purple-themed window display in honor of their namesake.

        1. friendofdaja +6

          I can’t imagine there is more than one secondhand store called Raspberry Beret in this world (at least I kind of hope not, it’s too wonderful). A block or two down from Bagelsaurus and Joie de Vivre?

  6. heyheyemkay +206

    When my aunt was married to the VP of Coca-Cola North America, she lived in Minnesota and we went to visit them when I was about 1. She lived in a super fancy neighborhood and took us for a long drive on a windy road up into the woods. My mom says that at one point my aunt stopped the car, pointed off into a sylvan glen, and said, “Prince lives somewhere in there.” My mom had no idea who Prince was and even as of yesterday didn’t really fully appreciate who he was and what he did, but she remembers that story very clearly. A Prince lived in the woods, and that always stuck with her.

  7. Angie +54

    Guys, 89.3 The Current (public radio station in Minneapolis) is playing all Prince songs, songs by those he influenced or was influenced by, interviews with bandmates, personal stories, etc. all day today and it’s beautiful. You can listen live here: http://www.thecurrent.org/listen
    I love how my adopted home has rallied around his memory, it’s a huge loss.

    1. Ivans_Sister +10

      It really has been cool to see everything lit up purple, the people gathering, etc. I’m way out in California, so I’m only seeing it on social media, but it’s really touching.

    2. ob_stinacy +13

      I live in Minnesota but have never really listened to Prince and – it’s been amazing watching people coming together and being soft & tender & sincere in ways that just don’t happen in public very often.

    3. logicbutton +13

      *extremely voice* TECHnically it’s in St. Paul.

      Oh man, were you listening yesterday when it became official? I’ll never forget how Andrea Swensson’s voice broke when she confirmed it.

      1. vantage_point +3

        Ugh, yes, she sounded so sad. I felt bad that she had to be the one talking about it on the radio.

    5. danelleorange +11

      The Current’s relationship with Prince is amazing. I remember in November they had their annual “Music through the years” thing and they promised if it snowed more than 3 inches in Chanhassen they’d change the series to “Nothing but Prince all Weekend.” Prince would show up at their studios and invite folks over. You’d hear about his parties first on the Current.

      One of my college buddies works there, I’ve never been so jealous.

    6. Fluffernutter +7

      Update: They are going to play his ENTIRE catalog, A-Z (well, A-W technically), starting tonight at 6pm CDT. 26 hours of Prince. So awesome!

    7. kayjayoh_ +6

      I was not crazy sheltered as a kid. At least not at home. (School was crazy conservative, but that was another story.) But I remember being at Amy Nowacki’s house in 1991 or 1992 and seeing the video for Gett Off and being both shocked and thrilled. Serious, guys. That song. That video. What? I don’t think I’d ever seen anything like it.

      Still one of my favorite Prince songs.

      I had *just* posted about this on Facebook, and I clicked on your link to the live stream. Guess was song was playing right then? 🙂

    8. annikkinstarkiller +2

      Thank you! I’m listening and will be doing so for the rest of the night.

  8. MustacheDad +156

    We danced until three a.m. at First Avenue last night. Pancakes were served. We cried and danced and laughed and sang along and I dressed up in my Prince Purple Rain costume and was interviewed by the BBC. Majorly difficult, this post-Prince life.

    1. hussified +25

      I can’t begin to tell you how much I regret never having been to First Avenue or Paisley Park the year I lived in Minneapolis. I mean, I regretted it anyway, but now? Ugh.

    2. RudyRed +18

      I didn’t regret moving away from Minneapolis until last night. So sad I couldn’t participate, but I know y’all danced more than enough to make up for it.

    3. whollyword +9

      I lived in the St. Paul exurbs until I was 18, and I was so compliant as a kid that I never sneaked out to anything, let alone a First Avenue show.

      So glad you were there last night. It sounds amazing. I’m listening to the Current and wearing purple leggings, which is as close to home as I can get right now.

    1. askelade +35

      I’m not going to pretend that he was a flawless human being, but I don’t know that I’ll see this level of talent again in my lifetime.

      100% this. What he has done for music itself, what he has done to change musicians’ relationships with the recording industry, what he has done for ordinary human beings who like to listen to amazing songs…

      I’ve just been singing “When U Were Mine” softly to myself since yesterday.

      1. blushingflower +24

        I feel like “Stay off the Internet” is the wrong advice in this situation, because the Internet gives us a place to mourn together.

        2. SmrtCookie +45

          Yes, but “Be comforted by Groff” is the right advice no matter the situation.

      2. Ivans_Sister +14

        I’m one of those idiots who is just not into the Hamilton thing – I can tell that’s Lin-Manuel, but who is the other guy. Is it someone else from the show?

        Also, I had NOT seen that NASA tweet.

        1. CleverManka +14

          That’s Jonathan Groff, who was the original King George. Glad I could share the NASA tweet with you.

      1. Ivans_Sister +12

        When I saw that yesterday, I had to pause. I hate when brands go all in, but this was so good.

  10. madknitter72 +54

    When the shitty TMZ first reported the news I prayed it was a hoax. My hands were shaking… I am even more devastated today. My husband doesn’t get it. At least I have all of you.

    1. Fluffernutter +6

      Yes, I feel about this the way my husband did about Bowie. Luckily he’s being very understanding about my crying and watching hours on end of Prince footage. I’m going to force him to watch ALL the Prince movies this weekend (he just doesn’t know it yet).

  12. GruntledDave +31

    My wife and I watched 9 hours of Prince on MTV last night, including Purple Rain. Today we are still sad and still watching Prince videos.

  13. speakingofcake +48

    In terms of ability, versatility and creativity, Stevie Wonder and Prince are the greatest musicians of the 20th century.

    In terms of flair, glamour, kinkiness and style, there is only one winner – Prince.

    2. diaryofamadeditor +37

      Did you hear about the secret Prince Obama concert last year? It was basically the coolest, blackest event the east wing of the White House had ever experienced (plus James Taylor.). Stevie Wonder was in the audience, and Prince pulled him on stage & they did a duet of Signed Sealed Delivered, that was evidently the greatest, funkiest version of the song ever performed. And the only reason we know about it is because Al Sharpton tweeeted it. Nondisclosure agreements were involved.

      1. speakingofcake +10

        AAAAAAH STEVIE AND PRINCE DUET!!!!!!!!! I hope the video gets released in my lifetime.

    1. houblonchouffe +87

      Prince will go down in history as many things, but I’m a little concerned that he isn’t going to get nearly, by half, enough credit for being one of the most unbelievably gifted guitarists that’s ever walked the face of the planet.

      Like… is he going to be remembered with Clapton, BB King, Jimi, ??? He was so much more than a guitarist, obviously, but this clip? He’s playing lead and rhythm guitar at the same time and just as cool as you please, showing every one of the guitar gods on that stage exactly how it’s done.

        1. danelleorange +32

          I feel like he was such a genius that unless he stopped singing and just rocked out, you’d be like “Oh, he’s a great guitar player too but that voice and those songs…..”

          2. whollyword +14

            Yeah, I was so blown away by his songwriting that I seriously didn’t notice his guitar playing for way too long, when if he’d had no voice at all, he still would have been a fucking amazing musician.

      2. TheasyPeasy +188

        There’s that great quote where Eric Clapton was asked, “What’s it like to be the greatest guitarist in the world?” And Clapton responded, “I don’t know, ask Prince.”

      3. CleverManka +27

        I saw a headline yesterday, I don’t remember where, that said “Iconic Rock God Prince Dead at 57.” So there’s someone who recognizes, anyway.

    2. tidepool +54

      I can’t get over that solo either. Look at him. He knows EXACTLY what he did. And that is what separates a working musician from a superstar. He was such a virtuoso it’s ridiculous – like on a Mozart level.

      2. ipomoea +8

        If you ever cried over the death of a musician, you need to read WicDiv. It’s amazing (and then read Phonogram)! I went to a WicDiv afterparty at ECCC a couple weeks ago and it was a religious experience: 100 people, 1000 glowsticks, TONS of perfect girl-singer pop music, and everyone was dressed and dancing like it was the end of the world. My feet hurt for a week.

      1. CleverManka +16

        God yes, that was fucking magical and I hope that stupid white dude biting his lip during his comparatively embarrassing solo earlier in the song felt really really stupid. Thank you for posting the link to this play-by-play, too. I never saw it broken down like this in gifs.

    5. Smoomin +36

      Just the fact that the camera focuses – has to focus – on his sublime finger work rather than the white male middle aged face of self-involved ecstasy. And then obviously the slow-motion, crushing blow being dealt to everyone else who showed up. Superb.

    7. Perdita McLeod +20

      WHERE DID THE GUITAR GO AT THE END????

      I wouldn’t even be a little surprised to if Prince was an actual wizard this whole time and *poofed* the guitar away with real magic.

  15. bookwormV +62

    … I genuinely don’t think I’ve ever listened to a Prince song. Do I have to hand in my Toast membership badge, or will my status as a queer librarian save me?

    2. gclouts +171

      You don’t have to have listened to a Prince song. Just be the most authentic you you can be, and you are living the Prince life.

      2. shellygrrl +6

        I was thinking about when my first exposure to Prince was. At first I thought it was as a teenager, listening to the radio, but now I think it would have been while watching Batman on TV (and multiple viewings of a VHS recording of the broadcast version) as a kid.

    4. blushingflower +33

      The man released like 40+ albums, it’s possible you’ve heard a Prince song and just don’t know it. Plus he wrote a ton of other hits for other musicians.

    5. Ivans_Sister +42

      I admitted upthread I’m not into Hamilton, so we’ll hold hands as we’re cast out. 🙂

      1. mydonkeyfeet +10

        Oh phew, me neither! (And I have heard Prince songs, just wasn’t especially a fan.)

    6. sarahgundle +37

      I thought that about Bowie and then it turned out I’d heard a ton of his music and really liked it. I’m sure over the next week as his songs are popping up everywhere you’ll recognise a few.

      1. Ivans_Sister +10

        Yes! Me too! When I think about artists, I kind of frame it as “do I own any of their songs?” and if not, I assume I just don’t really know or like them. I’m pretty sure I don’t have any Bowie OR Prince in my collection, but their songs are definitely well sprinkled throughout my life.

    8. vantage_point +9

      If I’ve learned anything from the local radio station playing alllll Prince allll yesterday, it’s that there are a lot of Prince songs that I knew but hadn’t really realized were Prince songs. The same thing definitely happened for me with David Bowie, too.

    9. citystillbreath +1

      Phew, glad i’m not the only one! Although I did just watch a Youtube video of “Purple Rain” just to confirm and I am pretty sure I had heard it somewhere, just didn’t know who it was by.

    1. CleverManka +42

      You guys, MY MOTHER even posted that clip to her FB yesterday with the comment “you couldn’t take your eyes off him…he will be missed.” My mother, the “I won’t say anything aloud, but people outside the heterosexual gender binary make me nervous” type of person recognized Prince’s talent and charisma.

      1. chiaroscuromom +13

        My mother, the “I won’t say anything aloud, but people outside the heterosexual gender binary make me nervous” type of person

        My sister!

    2. _kakapo +9

      Yes! I was obsessed with the Muppets as a kid (still a pretty enduring interest). Prince was the only guest I remember from Muppets Tonight. For a small child who instantly gravitated to the weird and wonderful, he was mesmerizing.

  17. Janesy +95

    I loved his musicianship. He was just so fucking *great*. And mercy, no one had swagger like him. I think I might have loved that the most, this guy rolling into a room on stacked heels and knowing he was the coolest, not just in that room, but most likely in the entire universe. If there’s any aspect of him I wanted to emulate, it might have been the swagger.

    One of my favorite moments was seeing him live on the Musicology tour and he was on the cover of Rolling Stone the week he rolled through my town. During an instrumental break in a song, he reclined on a chaise lounge (of course he did), pulled out a copy of his Rolling Stone, and flipped through it as if to say “well, of course I’m on the cover of Rolling Stone, I’m Prince”.

    1. Theo_Winterwood +46

      And mercy, no one had swagger like him. I think I might have loved that the most, this guy rolling into a room on stacked heels and knowing he was the coolest, not just in that room, but most likely in the entire universe. If there’s any aspect of him I wanted to emulate, it might have been the swagger.

      YES. This. This is what we spent a lot of last night talking about. As phenomenal a musician as Prince was, I think it was the swagger and style and confidence he projected that resonated with me the most.

      While watching one of his music videos last night, my dude said, “You know, in any other world, you wouldn’t think this little elf of a man would be this incredible sex symbol, but here he is, being exactly that.”

      I replied, “Well, I think that’s because he basically strode out into the world and went ‘I’m a sex god’ and he seemed so confident and definite on that fact that we never thought to even wonder.”

      Him, “Because he wasn’t wrong. He was just stating the obvious.”

    2. alicia +39

      Someone retweeted something Anil Dash said long ago that made me smile yesterday. It was “Prince showed it was possible to love yourself so much that everyone else loved you too.”

    1. Ethylbenzene +28

      A friend of mine was saying how she caught some thing on tv about the greatest Super Bowl halftime shows and they were debating about what was 2nd and 3rd best and nobody even had to argue what was the absolute fucking best halftime show in existence. It was just a given.

    5. Grey in London +10

      A purple ribbon at my throat, my only lipstick (badly applied – he’s the only man I’d wear make up for), and a raspberry beret.

    6. Apfelmoose +28

      No purple, but I have a fake fur silver leopard print jacket with short sleeves and sparkling diamante buttons that I bought two years ago and never wore outside because I doubted I could muster the swagger required to wear such an unapologetically fabulous coat in sunny Spring weather (the only kind suitable for fake fur and short sleeves).

      Wearing the hell out of it today. Turns out that it is actually perfect for sunny Spring weather.

    7. PRockette +13

      My hair’s purple. It’s been purple for a month now, but still — seems right today.

    8. unleavings +9

      I am. I’ve never been this distraught over a celebrity’s death. His music and his style made such a difference.

    10. jenavira +9

      Purple shirt, purple combat boots, purple eyeliner, purple bra. (I mean, no one else’ll see it. But I’ll know.)

  20. wakatopatopa +69

    When I was pregnant with my daughter the only time I’d ever really feel her moving was when I listened to music – the first time was at a Roky Erickson show – and the most reliable way to get her dancing was to put on Prince. Her favorite was Starfish and Coffee. Still is.

    Prince will live forever, as long as there are little babies getting down to his music.

    1. askelade +44

      The first time my son heard “Let’s Go Crazy” he literally said out loud, “Wait, WHAT IS THIS” in a very excited voice.

      1. wakatopatopa +28

        I mean, we may not be able to give our daughter a pony or a piano or pay her way to Yale but goddamn it she WILL KNOW PRINCE. She will have the finest music history education a person can get.

        I think my first time hearing Prince was similar. I was five when Diamonds and Pearls came out and I remember my oldest brother (17 at the time) brought it home and put it on. After growing up on John Prine and James Taylor I was just like WHAT IS THIS MADNESS I FUCKING LOVE IT

    3. HereKitty +11

      Anna Quindlen wrote this in 1987: “People write about Prince’s ‘psychedelic masturbatory fantasies,’ but when I think about Prince, I don’t really think, I just feel — feel the moment when, driving to the beach, I first heard ‘Kiss’ on the radio and started bopping up and down in my seat like a 17-year-old on a day trip.”

    4. Pola_Negroni +1

      Your daughter knows what’s up.

      (fun fact: Roky’s mother Evelyn used to try to set me up with her younger son literally every time I saw her at church over the course of about nine years and I am *confident* she had no idea I was the same person each time. What a dame.)

  22. wakatopatopa +271

    Also I screamed at some dumb girls in the bathroom yesterday. They were talking about it and one of them said “he was so weird, he was probably a drug addict.” I just screamed YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK YOU’RE TALKING ABOUT HE WAS A FUCKING GENIUS AND YOU ARE NOTHING and walked out with soap still all over my hands.

    Probably not wise behavior for a politician but whatever.

    1. askelade +68

      You still have my vote! (I mean, usually politicians have dirty hands, right)
      How many Toastfolk are considering moving to MO just to reside in your district?

      1. wakatopatopa +51

        I’m pretty sure my best and only shot at winning is a bunch of Toasties moving to my district! Also we could create a semirural utopia.

      1. wakatopatopa +39

        GOD I KNOW RIGHT

        I hate to disparage other members of my sex but it took everything in me to not also call them dumb bitches.

        1. awnutts +115

          Also, if he had been a drug addict his work is no less inspiring and his death is no less tragic. I mean, my gut response is to be pissed they are dismissing Prince.

          Also, though, let’s not talk about addicts as if they are disposable and not beautiful humans, mmmmkay stupid bathroom girls?

          1. wakatopatopa +66

            The obvious undercurrent was “but he’s BLACK of course it was drugs”. Hate those bathroom girls. Never using that one again.

    5. Xolandra +38

      AUGH, I heard my director saying essentially the same thing and i wanted to be like “no one suggested this when Lemmy Killmeister died and WTF why would you automatically assume drugs you bitcheses”, but then it was early and i could not bring myself to do it.

        1. Xolandra +17

          Yeah. I actually deleted “racist” from before “bitcheses” because I didn’t want to be throwing stones, but we all know what was going on there 🙁

    6. deleted1892326 +86

      Anyone who knows anything about Prince or has been to any of his shows knows that he has a VERY STRICT no drugs/no alcohol policy. As in you WILL get kicked out if they find it when they search your bag, and not allowed back in even if you ditch it. PRINCE WAS A GODDAMNED BEAUTIFUL SHOOTING STAR.

    8. GruntledDave +22

      This was the best possible response. I’d vote for you for sure, just based on that.

      1. wakatopatopa +95

        I’ll add that to my campaign materials. “Mother, nursing student, does not take any shit talking on Prince”

    9. plspassthePinot +56

      the “…AND YOU ARE NOTHING!” is my fav part of that story I am SO PROUD of you thats a hell of an exit.

      1. wakatopatopa +48

        uuuuuuuggggghhhhhhhhhh now that some time has passed I actually feel a little bit guilty about it. She may have been horribly ignorant about Prince but she is not a nothing person and I really had no right to say that.

        Literally me right now:

        2. WallisWallyOlly +22

          NOPE. If she just didn’t know much about him, she could just say that, or that she wasn’t a fan, or he didn’t appeal to her. What she actually said, however, marked her as a not very kind person.

  23. gclouts +25

    I first encountered Prince through Happy Feet of all things. I was hooked.
    One of the greatest musicians of our time.
    Definitely the coolest person I’ve ever seen.
    Made being yourself completely and taking a stand the only cool course of action.

  25. chiaroscuromom +29

    I still can’t believe Prince is gone, you guys. A friend of mine saw him in SF last month (?) and gushed over the performance, and I have been trying to figure out how/where I might be able to catch him on this tour, and now … I won’t.

    I didn’t have money/opportunity to see a lot of concerts when I was younger, and now that I kind of have the money and a little opportunity, I live in a place where no one tours, so catching a tour means 2 hours if I’m lucky, maybe 4-5 hours each way.

    Prince provided the soundtrack for my teen years and helped blaze a trail for acceptance of people who “do” gender differently than the norm. Such an amazing person, and just like that he’s gone.

  26. Either_Ada +85

    This piece about what’s in Prince’s fridge is my very most favorite thing I’ve ever heard about him.

    Dunkaroos and yak milk, y’all. I aspire to this level of the unapologetic doing of whatever the hell I want.

    1. Theo_Winterwood +32

      “This is the only thing that touches my waffles.”

      This might be the best thing I’ve read in a long time. Although now I really want to get some challah and fancy mustard.

      1. crickwooder +35

        That was so good I fell for it TWICE: the first time it made the rounds and then yesterday.

        It works because, well. Prince.

          1. crickwooder +32

            I even looked at the date on it yesterday and still went “OH MAN, I remember this, this was in 2011? DANG” and totally missed the “April 1” part.

            But yeah! The 17 mustards, and not explaining whoever “Manny” is, and the Dunkaroos? Come on. That article was actually written by Prince. It had to be. Excuse me: “2 b.”

      5. RLT +1

        I didn’t want to know that! I have loved that piece for years and shared it around many times, especially the last few days. It made me like Prince so much. Now I’m questioning things. Damnit.

    3. askelade +36

      “Manny loves this stuff, that’s why I keep it around.”

      My new response to every accusatory WHY question I will receive.

  27. askelade +16

    I should know better but I just read the transcript of the 911 call from Paisley Park and now I just feel numb and like a tiny creature which is itself nauseated is sitting inside my stomach, in place of my own nausea.

  28. falcofield +35

    I have a tiny, treasured memory of coming up with choreography to When Doves Cry with my best friend in grade 7. We had no context for the song – didn’t know Prince, hadn’t seen a single music video of him – but we loved that song enough to play it over and over again in my tape player, writing down made-up dance moves and practicing them for hours until we could show my mom.

    1. Teka Lynn +7

      I did that in college, around 88/89. Somehow I’d missed that song entirely, and heard it for the first time at a dorm party. I improvised my own choreography on the spot and danced it “like a showgirl”, as one of my friends said.

  30. danelleorange +61

    I grew up in Minnesota, but my family was very conservative, so Prince was this weird dirty thing my parents talked about sometimes in disapproving tones. I never went to Paisley Park (because by the time he’d have his more open parties, I’d moved out of the state), and I’ve never been to a concert of his. But as I got older, gosh darn it, Prince was someone I was proud to point to and say “He’s from Minnesota. He sounds like Minneapolis. He played his shows at 1st Avenue and released Purple Rain the year I was born”

    So, I grew up super sheltered. When I was like 11 or 12(?) I heard “When Doves Cry”. My brain was so overwhelmed by Prince, it literally shut down for a bit. I had no idea who’d sung it, but I still remember thinking afterwards, “This person is a genius.”

    1. GruntledDave +15

      That’s like living in Texas and not being allowed to listen to Willie Nelson or The Dixie Chicks. 🙁

  31. Xolandra +37

    I was 9 when I found out about Prince, via the Batman soundtrack. I remember being astonished that he played every. single. instrument. And then I saw the video, and i was infatuated. Still am. Such a sad, sad day.

    1. GruntledDave +28

      He recorded “Little Red Corvette” and “1999” in a single day, playing almost all of the instruments! What a day.

      2. speakingofcake +8

        *I* feel like I’ve had a productive day if I manage to get to the post office ……

    3. caatness +2

      Batdance!!! Was… it just WAS, is what is was. I will never get the image of him spinning in that video out of my head. He is a miracle of vibrant creative power.

  32. SmrtCookie +26

    Prince was literally my college soundtrack, the only thing I want right now is to go to a sweaty apartment party with people I love, cheap beer, and Prince music blaring.

    1. CleverManka +11

      I am going home at noon, making a Prince/Bowie playlist, and cranking it on my (admittedly) fucking awesome stereo system. I wish all Toasties could join me.

  33. crickwooder +57

    This has fucked me up. I was ten when “1999” came out and then I was one of those twelve year old girls with a Purple Rain poster on her wall (that coat! that bike!) and Prince has always been there and now he’s not, and I was right, Mom, he’s a genius, and I can’t stop ugly-crying while listening to “Starfish and Coffee” and I am twelve all over again, except with better hair. Today is stupid and this year is stupid.

    1. hussified +8

      I had never heard “Starfish and Coffee” before this morning and now I’m going to drive my children crazy by repeating it all weekend.

      1. crickwooder +15

        He performed it with the Muppets, too. That is my surefire #1 ugly-cry trigger. And I just read somewhere that it was originally intended for a children’s album that never really happened.

        2. hussified +6

          Maybe the other kids’ songs are in The Vault!

          (I gotta hold out hope somehow, right?)

  34. halloweenjack64 +25

    I think I saw Purple Rain about six times in the theater, and eventually went out and bought a pair of fingerless purple lace gloves, even though I was not, never was, and never will be a fingerless purple lace glove person. When I go on my lunchtime walk today, I’m going to listen to the soundtrack and have a bandanna handy.

    1. wakatopatopa +20

      I wore a purple shirt yesterday. The irises in my yard started blooming yesterday. I NEVER wear color. It’s like the universe was pulling us all closer to Prince.

      1. wingstroke +3

        There’s an oddly great convenience-store-plus-florist at the closest train stop to my work. I think I’ll stop and get some purple flowers on my way back tonight.

  36. RudyRed +54

    The first prince song I ever heard was “Kiss,” playing on my parents’ stereo (they’re huge Prince fans – even went to see him in concert in 2007) and I thought that it was a woman singing. Then he glided right out of his falsetto at the end and my mind exploded. Prince was my first exposure to gender ambiguity, and boy howdy did he leave an impression. I’ll treasure him for that always. “Kiss” is still my favorite song of his.

    1. Theo_Winterwood +7

      Prince was my first exposure to gender ambiguity, and boy howdy did he leave an impression. I’ll treasure him for that always. “Kiss” is still my favorite song of his.

      I don’t know that he was my first, but he was among my first. And I can’t imagine that not having left an impression.

      I’ve been trying not to start singing “Kiss” at my desk all morning–That was my first Prince song too and is probably still my favorite. In that way where I can acknowledge that maybe it’s not his Best and Most Impressive Work of Genius, but it feels like it’s my Prince song somehow. (In a non-possessive meant-to-be-shared-with-others way.)

      1. RudyRed +2

        I’ve been trying not to start singing “Kiss” at my desk all morning–That was my first Prince song too and is probably still my favorite. In that way where I can acknowledge that maybe it’s not his Best and Most Impressive Work of Genius, but it feels like it’s my Prince song somehow. (In a non-possessive meant-to-be-shared-with-others way.)

        Yes, that’s a beautiful way to sum it up.

  37. Theo_Winterwood +36

    I just read this article on Slate and thought I would share: http://www.slate.com/blogs/outward/2016/04/21/pri…

    I kind of read that and went, “Oh, okay, maybe that explains why I was so on board with the Prince phase my gang went through in high school.” I remember us driving around with all the windows down, playing “Raspberry Beret.” I remember us doing dramatic lipsync/dance renditions of “Kiss” in the commuter train station parking lot after hours, where you and your best friend could use that song to dance hard on the line of flirtation that risks crossing over into something else but never quite do it, because it’s okay, because it’s Prince, because that’s how this song works–Maybe you’re teenage girls goofing off, maybe you’re secretly if only for a moment androgynous guys with swagger and ambiguity. Maybe both.

    And I think that’s what I remember about my first introduction to what Prince was for me. And I miss him for that.

    2. kayjayoh_ +5

      I was sad to read about his later slide closer to homophobia. I hadn’t known about that.

      1. Theo_Winterwood +9

        Yeah, I hadn’t either, but I suppose it would be incomplete to write about the evolution of his public relationship with gender/sexuality without including that phase of his life as well. Luckily, I think, it’s the first parts that resonated the most with people and that will be his legacy. So I think I can reconcile the last part with the fact that he was a complicated and imperfect person and that doesn’t necessarily have to tarnish the things he symbolized and meant to many people.

        But it’s still kinda sad to know.

  38. JGlows +52

    I got to see Purple Rain at Red Rocks in the rain. I still remember the music echoing out over the Colorado night. It was a strangely holy moment.

  39. popelizbet +87

    I’m super sad and super worried about what it means that both Bowie and Prince have been called back Under the Hill with the fae.

    1. Theo_Winterwood +53

      Yeah . . . We were talking yesterday about what kind of trouble their home planet might be in that they called back their two most important ambassadors.

      1. Theo_Winterwood +34

        Prince was obviously their Prince and David Bowie was their Thin White Duke, but I’m not actually sure that Elvis was their King.

      3. mydonkeyfeet +4

        And also my favorite living author and favorite living composer, Umberto Eco and Sir Peter Maxwell Davies. I bet they were ambassadors too.

    2. jackalopeia +64

      Yeah, I’m pretty worried that this is like the dolphins in Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy.

  41. thisclimbingbean +19

    Ugh, I know.

    My favourite cafe often plays some fairly off-beat music, mostly 70s and 80s stuff, which suits the Handsome Sidekick and me just fine, obviously, but they didn’t have anything on this morning for a while, and so we were sitting there with our tea and cake and working, and then one of the kitchen staff put on the Purple Rain album, and it was sad as hell. What a musical genius.

  42. sudden_eyes +24

    I can’t link from my phone – damn it, Android – but did anyone catch Maddow last night? Her first TWENTY MINUTES, which is a lot of Rachel Maddow real estate – were about Prince. There was a little political context (Tpper Gore versus Darling Nikki) but mostly it was fangirling, and adorable. … I’ll post a link later when on an actual computer, but anyone who wants to see it can go to the MaddowBlog and find the video.

        1. Ivans_Sister +5

          I was killing time before a meeting, and I know the feeling of dammit, I can’t share from my phone!

    2. PierrePoutine +10

      Aw, that’s a lovely tribute.
      I feel like the only thing anyone I know remembers/will ever remember about Tipper Gore is that she lost her shit at Darling Nikki. I wonder if she ever figured out what Cyndi Lauper’s She-Bop was about…

      1. awnutts +16

        In defense of Tipper: she’s pretty badass. I mean, yeah, she was off on music censorship. (Not to mention, in what alternate reality is it possible to censor away the raw sexuality of Prince?)

        But Tipper also is really committed to working with unhoused populations. She used to drive around and invite homeless people to come to her house and eat lunch with her when she lived in DC. She also was an early supporter of HIV/AIDS research and queer rights. It’s a shame that she made music censorship her hill to die on.

        1. sudden_eyes +9

          It is a shame. I just watched Van Jones talking with Don Lemon (from last night). 1) I couldn’t previously imagine Van Jones in tears. 2) I had zero understanding of the extent of Prince’s community outreach – he and Tipper had a lot in common, in that respect. Jones said that as a Jehovah’s Witness he would not discuss his “charitable works” but that they were extensive.

  43. diaryofamadeditor +41

    I have on very, very good authority that Michael Jackson once described Prince to my friend as being, “really weird, but the most talented motherf’er you’ll ever meet.” There’s so much I love about this, and I just want to live in the moment of MJ and Prince–two insanely talented oddballs who moved millions if not a billion people & gone too soon. And we are so so so lucky to live in a time when we have all their records for years to come. Chronological album experience of Prince & symbol of love, acceptance, weirdness, passion, talent, and inspiration is a go.

    1. speakingofcake +14

      THIS a thousand times. I feel like there aren’t enough honest-to-god inspirational weirdos in pop, or anything, any more. Except maybe Kanye.

      1. WallisWallyOlly +8

        I’d put Beck in that category, too. Maybe not to the same level of weirdness, but he stands out in a low-key kind of way.

        1. speakingofcake +7

          And – serendipitous connection – Beck apparently said of his album ‘Midnite Vultures’ that it was his attempt at a tribute to Prince!

          1. speakingofcake +3

            Yes! But is there space for a Bjork in 2016? People cite Gaga as an example of contemporary weirdness, but I don’t buy it

    1. praemunire +6

      I love that Cyndi Lauper cover, especially because, well, given the genders in the song, when a woman is singing it, SOMEBODY in there is queer. Amazing you could get away with that in the early 80s.

    2. askelade +5

      I saw Crooked Fingers doing their cover live a few times (then they released it on an EP of covers) and the first time, Eric Bachmann said “okay, we’re gonna do a Prince cover now,” and the audience laughed because you wouldn’t think this band would do a pop song, and Eric Bachmann just stared some laughing dude down and said, “It’s PRINCE.” And then I cried.

  45. StephARad +21

    I did not think I had Prince feelings. I am a young ‘un so I missed all the Purple Rain stuff.
    But it turns out–> Prince is still in my musical story (just hiding). 1999 (just the song) was the soundtrack to my 2nd grade year. Little Red Corvette was the first song I think I understood was…sexy. And that half time show blew my 15 year old mind.
    I’m just so sad he’s not here any more. I’m so sad I only can really understand him now after his death. He wrote so much…Jesus….and I’m only just discovering it.
    And he just seems so awesome and now he’s not here.
    This is also filling me with a…desperation to see all the artists I love before they pass. I feel like I’ve missed out on someone great and I don’t want to miss out again

    1. jenavira +2

      Yes, all this. I didn’t think I had Prince feelings, but damn that was a blow.

      My friends (until college) were never into the kind of music that I instinctively liked, so I always thought that I was Tragically Uncool for liking Let’s Go Crazy and Little Red Corvette and Raspberry Beret. I was never really a Prince fan per se but he had so many songs that I will always crank up the radio for and sing along like a fool. And I always respected the shit out of his style, and like someone else mentioned, his swagger, and losing Bowie earlier this year already felt like such a blow to the world’s supply of Gloriously Weird, and… yeah. More feelings than I thought I had.

  46. logicbutton +27

    He was so young. He had so much left to do, so much upcoming young talent to champion. I’m not even a Fan With A Capital F, and I’m really feeling this loss. (Being a lifelong Minnesotan may not be unrelated.)

    I hear there was a rainbow over Paisley Park yesterday.

  47. jmstevenson76 +26

    This one hurt. I felt mystified by the Bowie grief earlier this year but this one… Whoo, that’s a punch in the gut.

    I didn’t love all of his music–Diamonds and Pearls was terrible fight me–but so much of it is woven into my emotional fabric. Like Luther and Michael, I cannot imagine who I would be without their creativity.

    A friend said she wished we had this outpouring of love while he was alive. But I think he knew. He knew we embraced as much of him as he would let us have.

    Praying Stevie stays making music for as long as possible.

    1. RudyRed +14

      He knew we embraced as much of him as he would let us have.

      Undoubtedly. Almost everyone in the Twin Cities area has a Prince Story, or knows someone with a Prince Story. Even at the height of his fame, he remained connected to the community he came from in his own impish, elfin way. Because he loved us as much as we loved him.

      1. whollyword +4

        The only reason I ever read CJ’s gossip column in the Star Tribune was for occasional Prince news. I could not have given two shits about the rest of it.

        Impish and elfin seems about right.

    2. speakingofcake +9

      Seconded on Stevie. And like you, I struggle with some of his stuff. But his talent, his pure pure talent, is unstoppable, undeniable. I still get mad whenever I hear that damn Dangerous Minds tune because it’s *not* Pastime Paradise.

      And seconded on this being a gut punch in a way Bowie just wasn’t for me. Not that I didn’t care about Bowie’s death, it just wasn’t emotional to me the way this is. Even losing Lou Reed wasn’t as bad as this :~(

    3. moxycrimefighter +3

      Oh gosh, that just made me remember that “Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt” made a reference to Diamonds and Pearls. Weird.

    1. Sanjay +38

      When I heard the news yesterday, I headed for the Link Roundup thread. Quite a few people did the same thing, I think. This is where I go to when I’m online and I want to appreciate wonderful things or when I want to commiserate.

      Thank you so much for fostering this beautiful community.

  49. SmrtCookie +14

    Between Prince and early open thread I’m not going to get anything done. They should have made today a national day of mourning anyway so I don’t feel terribly bad.

  51. Grey in London +17

    I’ve been crying on and off all day, which is a great look in an open plan office, and don’t know what my evening will be – slumping home to cry over my laptop, or braving one of the dance parties.

    (OK, it’ll be the slumping, I always choose slumping and loathe parties. But Prince, I swear on your spirit: I will dance.)

  52. redheadedwolf +24

    Make sure you see Tom & Lorenzo’s photo tribute to Prince.

    Is it relevant to talk about personal style evolution, in the wake of Prince’s death? I was going to save this for the open thread, but now that this is one and the same…

    I got that haircut I talked about a few weeks ago! The one that stomps on my conservative upbringing, leaving it in the dust at my feet! Pictures below!

    1. redheadedwolf +34

      A quick recap of my hair evolution:

      me at 15 (in a silly RenFaire dress):

      here you see why, all through my adolescence, I was stopped repeatedly by complete strangers who told me emphatically to never cut or dye my hair, and I took it to heart.

      After realizing I needed shorter hair to be taken seriously as a professional: 2013 (I did really like this one)

      And now…Portland!me in 2016:

      1. dakimel +8

        oh it’s luscious! you’re wearing the heck out of that hair & I’m excited for you that you took the leap.

    2. CleverManka +23

      Is it relevant to talk about personal style evolution, in the wake of Prince’s death?

      I can’t imagine a more relevant place. Also, I notice that in describing that RenFaire dress, you misspelled “glorious.”

      1. redheadedwolf +9

        Haha, thanks! Really, I’m way too pale to be wearing a white dress, and I squirm a bit when remembering the price tag and how my mom asked me if I’d wear it often… At least I really did think I was being honest when I assured her I would, sigh. One of those teenage things.

    1. msjinxie +2

      I’m glad someone posted this – it popped into my head when I was walking to work this morning and I meant to look it up when I was at my computer.

  54. dashitall +26

    To all Minneapolis-St. Paul area Toasties, First Ave is hosting dance parties in memory of Prince tonight and tomorrow night. I’ll be there – the thought of a huge crowd descending on the venue makes me cringe a little, but I feel like it is my duty to honor his memory nonetheless.

    1. CleverManka +7

      Thank you for representing the Toast there, even if you stay for just ten minutes. Wish I join you.

    2. PotterPotterson +3

      I know of at least 1 MPLS friend who went last night, and I’m sad i can’t just drive up there for tonight.

      St. Louis is also hosting a few dance parties in memory, but it’ll be nothing like Minneapolis.

    2. geekcrackteam +17

      I stared at that photo for a good 20 minutes last night. The hair. The Arms. Glorious.

      1. redheadedwolf +27

        Oh yes. That’s the kind of androgynous beauty I thought was my type of guy, when I had lingering illusions of heterosexuality.

        1. geekcrackteam +18

          Every picture that’s been posted in the last 24 hours I have been amazed by his hair. Its just beautiful and glorious in every way.

  56. LadyPoopjokes +16

    I’ve been taking the Viking on a tour of Important American Pop Culture Artifacts he is not yet acquainted with (this is difficult, as he is probably more well-versed in mainstream Americana than I am, tbh), and he has been informed that this weekend’s installment will be Purple Rain The Film, if I can find it anywhere. Does anyone have a lead?

    1. bibliophibian +3

      Heard there was someplace in the Norman/Oklahoma City area setting up tribute showings…

  57. geekcrackteam +24

    I wouldn’t say I’m a Prince fan, but that’s because, like Fleetwood Mac and Bowie, his music is just a constant in my life, I never really go to listen to it, but I’ve always heard it everywhere.

    However, my first memory of Prince the person is finding a live tour VHS at home when I was a kid and asking my mum what it was and could I watch it; and her saying its just a boy being pervy with women and taking his clothes off.

    Which meant 1) My mother did not get Prince AT ALL. and 2) I was a sorely disappointed horny little child* when I sneakily managed to watch it and it was just a concert. No sex at all. Not even that much nudity.

    *I was like 8 or 9 I think? definitely an age where I was looking for anything I could crack one off too and I also did not understand the appeal of live concert videos.

      1. geekcrackteam +4

        Who knows, it was either left behind by my mum’s musical ex (there were a lot of Michael Jackson videos too) or she picked it up in a charity shop with a bunch of other random videos.

        My house was always full of thousands of random videos.

  58. meetapossum +11

    Ugh, super long post under here. It’s been a shitty couple weeks.

    I’m still dealing with the fallout of the end with the guy I was seeing (and, to a lesser extent, not getting the job I was hoping for). It’s been a lot of crying in the shower and some tears at work. We’ve talked a little bit since, but he’s still sad and (understandably) distracted by everything that’s happening with his mom. (She has a brain tumor that’s growing and is basically dying, for those who missed my post last week.) He doesn’t want to fake being upbeat and doesn’t want to talk about his mom right now, so there’s nothing I can do but say I’m there for him and wait.

    However, my dad once told me, “The best cure for a broken heart is staying busy,” and I’ve basically applied that to everything I’m sad or frustrated about, so it’s very hard for me to be patient and wait for him to reach out. I know people deal with grief in different ways. But I keep thinking of silly or interesting things I want to text him, but I know he just can’t handle it right now.

    And of course I’ve been overthinking about how it ended (did he really like me? would we still be dating if this didn’t happen?). And even though I know the answer to those questions is “yes,” I keep going through old messages trying to find different answers. And I keep worrying about what will happen when he’s out of this quagmire (will we date again? will he fall for someone else instead?). And it’s RIDICULOUS because I know I can’t predict the future, and I don’t even know WHEN that future will be, so what am I going to do, worry forever?

    Anyway, I’ve downloaded “Headspace”. I’ve also read a lot about worrying on the interwebs and realizing that it’s accomplishing nothing. If something good happens, it’s wasted time, and if something bad happens, I’ve just expanded the amount of suffering. When I start to desire re-reading messages, I ask myself, “Is this productive?” and can usually pull myself away. I know it’ll take a while, but I think I’m getting better.

    If anyone has some good meditation/mindfullness tips, or apps, or youtube videos, that would be appreciated.

    1. PaigePoo +3

      I’ve gotten a lot of help from the app “Stop, Breathe, & Think”. You start with a check-in of your mental, physical, and emotional state, and then it suggests different guided meditations based on your responses.

      I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this sadness, but it’s awesome that you know what to do to help yourself through. Good luck 🙂

    2. intrplanetjanet +3

      The Pacifica app helped me get through some rough periods. It gives you several little ways to check in on yourself throughout each day, and at the end of it, it ends up making all of those small things feel like substantive accomplishments. In particular, the thinking traps exercise really helped me work through my tendency to dwell on a lot of negative thoughts that otherwise would have kept me stuck in the same place emotionally.

      You didn’t ask for advice about the guy, so feel completely free to ignore, but when I was going through the terminal illness of one of my parents, I actually found it comforting when one of my friends would send me something funny/interesting and unrelated to what I was dealing with at the time; it was a nice distraction for me and made me happy knowing he was thinking of me and that this illness wasn’t completely redefining my life and how other people were thinking of/treating me. Everyone deals with this sort of ordeal differently though, and it sounds like you’re being a really caring, sensitive friend to him. Just make sure you’re kind to yourself too.

      1. meetapossum +2

        Yeah, I would feel the same way. But I told him about seeing a dog in a wheelchair and he said he wasn’t in the mood for puppy photos : /

        Obviously I told him I’m here for anything – whether he’s down and wants to talk about that or if he just wants some light conversation and dog pictures. I think he’s still coping with the realization of what’s actually happening right now. I think when he has time to process it, he’ll be in touch.

    3. shartbreaker +6

      I was thinking about you this week! I consulted with my bestie and my boyfriend about the situation and they were equally weirded out by his behavior. But none of us have really deep relationships with our moms so maybe that’s what happen if you love your mom? Idk.
      Anyhow, if a dying of a relative can break up (not put on pause, just end entirely) a really great 3-month relationship, maybe he is not too great at handling emotions and life and hardship and you are actually better off.

      Upbeat breakup tunes: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WOxAqQtOY-Q https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o41A91X5pns https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JLUvO8QUmXc

      1. meetapossum +1

        Thanks for these. It was really only 2-months, but I get your point. I am close to my mom, and I think I would do the same thing he did. I think the main reason he wouldn’t just take a break is because he doesn’t know when he’ll be ready, and he doesn’t want me to wait around for him. He does admit that it’s a selfish decision – he wants to be able to spend time with his family and not feel guilty about cancelling a dinner or feeling too down to return a text. I do appreciate your opinion and advice, though!

    4. avocadoavocat +4

      Hi there, big hugs to you. Back in December, my boyfriend also broke up with me to deal with some life-changing issues he was working through. It ended with tons of love and tears and sadness on both of our parts, and I’ll break down and reach out to him every couple of weeks…which usually ends in more tears, affirmations of love, but also affirmations of “not yet, and who knows if ever.” It’s exhausting. I miss him, can’t close the door on it, and this feeling of just wanting to know what I’m supposed to do or how it’s supposed to turn out — it’s overwhelming sometimes.

      The best thing that I’ve done for myself since the break up is started a new hobby (pottery) and really THREW (ha-ha-ha pun intended) myself into it. It feels really good to have a new thing in my life that he was never a part of, and feels like it’s only and truly mine.

      1. meetapossum +1

        It would be great to see the future, right? So much anxiety alleviated!

        I’m glad you’ve found something just for you, and I know you’ll get through this, too.

  59. aintnothingtoit +12

    I feel terrible that I don’t know Prince’s music, so that will be my soundtrack for dog walking today!

    In other news, I had an awesome sublet lined up for the summer with friends of friends, but they changed their mind about letting their room out. Looks like it will be craigslist for me – experiencing major Stranger Danger anxiety (the last time I lived with strangers I wound up getting a restraining order against one of them). So, Toasties, any stories of meeting lovely people through random housing situations? It can happen, right??

    Happy Friday everyone!

    1. LadyPoopjokes +6

      I’m currently two months into an absolutely lovely, idyllic housing situation I found on craigslist! I was going through a breakup and needed a room on short notice, she had an empty room in a tiny adorable house with a yard, she offered me the room about ten minutes after meeting me and told me I could move in whenever, we get along fabulously, and she loves my cat! So it can definitely happen!

      On the other hand, my friend is looking for a place in the same town and having a really hard time weeding out all the scams (including one that actually uses the text of the ad my roommate posted), so definitely, you know, verify that the person is a real person in a real house before giving them money. But you probably knew that!

      1. aintnothingtoit +4

        Oh how wonderful! That sounds absolutely lovely and has given me much hope, thank you! (I’m picturing this house like Miss Honey’s house in Matilda now…)

        Good luck to your friend! And yes, definitely seeing the places and meeting the people before doing anything. I didn’t even think about scams though, that is *terrible*.

    2. SingArielSing +3

      It CAN happen! My husband and I found our first roommates of the year via Craigslist and they sucked, it’s true — they decided to move out within two fucking weeks, it was the worst, uuuuggghhhhh I’m still mad about it — but we didn’t have any choice besides casting our net on the Internet again to find replacements, so we were both feeling very, very anxious about the whole process. But we posted on a queer housing Facebook group and met some people that seemed interesting, and after interviewing them we decided to go with one, and now we’ve all been living together for like two months and she is a TREASURE and things are GREAT, domestically. I’m really sorry that your planned situation didn’t work out, but I have serious hope that you’ll find something that suits you. Good luck!

      1. aintnothingtoit +2

        Two weeks?! I would be mad, still, too – how scummy! But yay for your treasure roommate. Specialized housing groups seem like a good way to go!

    3. dashitall +5

      It can totally happen! I had three different housing situations with strangers from Craigslist, and while we didn’t necessarily become BFFs, we shared some laughs and they were good roommates.

      (Well, there was the story of my nutty live-in landlady and her live-in lover when I lived in an all-girls boardinghouse, but that’s another story).

      I think a good thing to keep in mind is that most of the time, the people on the other end of the Craigslist post are in your same position and they just wanna find someone agreeable to live with. It sounds like you’ve done the Craigslist dance before, but I also recommend bringing a friend with you to visit these places. Not just for safety but also for a second opinion and sounding board. Like, “Were they okay or am I just desperate to find a place? Oh, you noticed a bunch of jars of pee in someone’s bedroom? I did not catch that. Thank you.”

      1. Goomaly +5

        but wait, I want to live in an all-girls boardinghouse! I didn’t know they are still a thing!

        1. dashitall +9

          It was an odd situation. This woman owned a single family home in Boston (a true rarity) and I rented one of the bedrooms because I had no friends and had just finished studying abroad and was in a weird place.

          The home was absolutely beautiful and old and covered in plants and there was an ancient tortoiseshell cat who became my best friend. But on the other hand, one of my housemates was a girl with an eating disorder who would eat my food in her sleep, and my mom-aged landlady had loud sex with her boyfriend every morning as I tried to get ready for work. So.

      2. aintnothingtoit +1

        Hahaha the jars of pee. What a good idea, I will bring a friend to scout for such weirdness that I may miss. Thank you for the encouragement and advice! I would 100% read a short story about your all-girls boardinghouse experience.

    4. whollyword +7

      I met a couple of my current housemates at a Captain Awkward meetup and had a pleasant conversation, but didn’t know when I applied to live in Co-op that they lived here. It is awesome, and I would live with them happily for as long as is possible.

      I met a friend I’m still in contact with when my previous housing plans fell through and I called the program administrator of the writing program I was starting in to ask if she knew anyone who needed a housemate. <3

      1. aintnothingtoit +1

        Yay yay yay! I’m so glad to hear you’ve had good experiences, thank you for sharing. Co-ops are fantastic!

    5. _kakapo +2

      Here to attest that random housing can work out delightfully! I moved to a new state about two years ago. My first roommate was a Craigslist random person where things were not great – nothing overtly horrible, but our personalities did not mesh well at all. I’m pretty timid and my roommate was very dominant and older, so even though I moved in a whole month after her, it was very much her place. I’d get periodic extremely angry texts or emails about things I did not realize were bothering her. Lots of exclamation marks.

      I started searching for a new place as soon as my lease end was remotely in sight, and found a cute, small house in the neighborhood I’d hoped for in my city with new random roommates. One has become one of my closest friends here – we have Happy Hour at the local dive bar, rant and celebrate over one another’s days, and hate-watch House of Cards together. I’m about to move back to my home state and have my fingers crossed the next roommate will be anywhere near as great a match.

      Another friend who moved recently to Boston is super-close with her Craigslist roommate, too – they’re planning a vacation to Iceland together this year.

      Good luck on your housing search! (Also: we need a Toastie housemate listserv! Is that a thing people would like to do?)

      1. aintnothingtoit +1

        Aww, bless. I’m very glad you went from the Angry Roomie to such a great situation. Those sound like lovely traditions with your friend-roommate. I have my fingers crossed for you finding a similar dynamic in your home state as well! 🙂

        Iceland-trip-together level bonding is amazing; I’d be satisfied with a casual acquaintance-y roommate situation, but that is “squad goals” personified. (Couldn’t bring myself to hashtag. Not here. Not on my precious Toast.)

        Thank you for the reassurance and luck, and a Toastie housing group would be incredible, I for one would DEFinitely enjoy that!

  60. dorianneemmerton +79

    He was black. He didn’t just gender bend, he made it publicly possible for black men to be like that. He was a musical virtuoso. In Toronto, whenever you had a rental car with some time on it, what you did was cruise bridle path and look for his house. He was important to music, to queers, to black gender non conforming people. I’m supposed to do something important this afternoon, but I’m listening to that Minnesota public radio station and crying.

    1. RoseCamelia +17

      Today, listening to Minnesota public radio and crying *is* doing something important.

  61. Claudia +14

    I mean. Guys. I adored Purple Reign and everything after. So many memories from adolescence, but the best is about the time that we mad a dance in the 7th grade and no one was doing anything and then Let’s Go Crazy came on and we all started dancing and there was a stage and Ari Jacobs jumped off the stage and did air guitar to the ending of the song and it was the absolute best thing and I spent the next several years pining over Ari because he was adorable, but also because he understood and was indeed a surrogate Prince. Run-on sentence, but you get it. Love you guys.

  62. Es_Petal +9

    I can’t find eithert Batman or Purple Rain on TV anywhere I have access to, but the next best thing appears to be Haywire, which has Gina Carano (playing a woman called Mallory) beating the crap out of Charming Tater, Fassbender, Mcgregor, and Banderas.

      1. Es_Petal +2

        I know! It came up on the new additions thingy on netflix recently and I was appalled that I had never heard of it.

  63. Heathered +13

    Waiting for the landlord to come fix my shower and then I’ll be trying to find “The Ballad of Dorothy Parker” somewhere. Prince was huge when I was in high school but I was trying to reject the mainstream so it was my mother becoming a fan that kept him playing in our house. I owe her one for that.

  64. extrayarn +23

    I don’t have strong Prince Feelings; he was never really on my radar growing up, I guess, except for 1999 since that’s when I graduated and it was the (pretend) millennium and stuff and you could not escape That Song. I do get his fabulousness, though.

    This whole thing has made me think about who it will be for me, though – who’s going to send my world crashing down? And I’ve come up with Paul Simon and Steven Sondheim. (Sorry Garfunkel.)

    1. themegnapkin +14

      For me, Bob Dylan. He’s elderly and not in the best health, so I try to see him every chance I get. ETA: I feel left out of the Prince grief, too–I like his songs, but never made an effort to seek them out and can’t name more than a handful. I wish I had paid more attention to his work (and Bowie’s) while he was alive.

      1. Olgasrevenge +3

        I think it’s going to be Bob Dylan for me too. He was The Musician for me in my teenage years.

        1. Nausikaa +1

          Yes, Bob Dylan for me too. There are a lot of musicians who mean a lot to me, and I’ll be very sad when they die, but Bob Dylan is the only one I can think of who seems so much a part of my life that my life will have to change in some indefinable way when he dies.

    2. extrayarn +9

      And it’s funny because I feel like it should be, IDK, Eddie Vedder or that guy from Counting Crows or somebody but I definitely spent way more time listening to Simon and Garfunkel as an angsty teen than I did to Pearl Jam.

      … I might have been a weird kid. Although to be fair there was a 60’s hippie revival thing going on in the mid-90s.

      1. Social +4

        I didn’t even want to say it because I’m so superstitious but yes. That is the one that would make me ask for a day off work. Stevie is SO IMPORTANT to me.

    4. awnutts +6

      I’m fucking terrified of the day that Stephen Sondheim will die. That is the day I pray for Jesus to take me, too. Every time I actually consider it I start having a minor anxiety attack and start crying real tears (really trying to hold it together right now, tbh) He can’t go.

      1. typewriterandgramophone +24

        I will not be OK when Angela Lansbury dies. Partly because she was my grandma’s favorite actress and my grandmother looked a bit like her and tried to dress a bit like her as well and emulate some of her nicer characters, I think. So Angela Lansbury is like Famous Grammy Who Doesn’t Have Alzheimer’s.

        1. themegnapkin +14

          Ditto, and also for Julie Andrews. The Sound of Music was the movie of my childhood.

          1. typewriterandgramophone +16

            I hadn’t even thought of Julie Andrews as being in the “might die” demographic. Oh, no.

            (Maggie Smith is too tough to die, right? And Death maybe already thinks Judi Dench is dead because her characters died in some high-profile movies and will forget to come for her? And Eileen Atkins will beat him at cards? And Emma Thompson is still too young, right?)

          2. extrayarn +10

            Oh God Julie Andrews no! (I am ashamed to admit it didn’t even occur to me to think about women. We must be immortal.)

          4. tinypaperme +1

            Julie Andrews AND Christopher Plummer. Also Neil Diamond. But in my own tiny world of cultural icons, I will absolutely lose my shit and cry for days when Arnold Palmer dies. Like, can’t get out of bed shit-losing.

        2. coloredlights +7

          I was coming here to mention Angela Lansbury.

          Now I’m preemptively sad about Julie Andrews too.

    6. octopoda +7

      I feel like, maybe none? I guess I don’t think I get attached to musicians so much. I think it’s because I can’t stand to listen to the same band / album for more than a couple weeks, maybe a month if I really like it. But I constantly have to switch around what I listen to or I get burned out on it fast, so I don’t feel like I connect to songs as much event though I really like music.

      My dad is the same way, always having to listen to new stuff, and my mom pretty much just listens to whatever he does, so I also never had any constant music growing up either.

    7. bird_internet +6

      Yeah, I can’t think of a time when I was really floored by a celebrity death– I mean it’s sad when someone you admire is gone, but it doesn’t feel personal. I think it will start to happen when I’m older and people closer to my own age start to go.

    8. starsofthesea +14

      For me, it’s Weird Al – I had to sit here for ten minutes processing my feelings before even typing this comment. 😮 I’m clinging to the belief that because his parents both died in an accident, there’s no proof that they wouldn’t otherwise have lived forever, which means there’s no proof that *he* won’t live forever. I’M JUST GOING TO KEEP TELLING MYSELF THAT.

      (Ironically, this is why I don’t have strong Prince Feelings–my entire understanding of popular music growing up was filtered through Weird Al, so I’ve always mainly thought of him as “the one person who always denied Weird Al’s requests to parody his songs.” *facepalm*)

      1. Lynn +5

        Oh lord, Weird Al will be devastating and I hadn’t even considered it until right this minute.

    9. hussified +11

      My sister will take a full day of mourning when Dick Van Dyke kicks the bucket.

      Mine will probably be one of the members of CSN, probably Graham Nash. I won’t even think about it.

    13. RudyRed +12

      I can’t think of anyone musically at the moment (because Prince ;_; ) but expanding to celebrities in general, I will undoubtedly cry real tears when Sir Patrick Stewart dies. He is such an incredible actor and a genuinely good person, and he’s been this loving grandfatherly figure for me my entire life.

      2. jenavira +13

        Okay you said Patrick Stewart and now all I want is for him and Ian McKellan to either a) live forever or, if that cannot be arranged, b) die together, holding hands, in paired beach chairs.

        But a) for sure.

    14. Joyous_ness +1

      I know it’s so dorky, but for me it’s Elton John. Also Joni Mitchell….and many many many years from now Carole King.

    15. Pola_Negroni +2

      Musicians? It was Bowie for me. I’d just ended a 20 year friendship with my (former) best friend and our relationship was basically a Bowie jukebox musical from the minute we met. So losing Bowie right after I lost the most significant friendship of my life was, and is, brutal.

      I think losing Willie Nelson will hurt, but the one celebrity whose death will absolutely wreck me, as in I can’t even really think about it without crying and getting a little panicky, is David Attenborough. And he’s turning 90 in two weeks. Ack.

  65. ru_ri +13

    Man, I am so glad to find you all here, experiencing similar levels of consternation to mine. Other people around me are mostly like *shrug* Yeah he was cool, but why are you so sad?

    Purple Rain, 1999, Controversy…those records were the soundtrack to my last two years of high school. But beyond that, Prince was a constant reminder to me that it was all right–well, not just all right, but fucking hot–to transcend boundaries of gender and sexual expectation. He really helped me be OK with what I am.

    I’m in San Diego right now (road tripping). If anyone knows of an all-night Prince dance party in the vicinity tonight, please let me know! (If there isn’t one, can we make one?)

    1. houblonchouffe +4

      Aw hell. The State is showing Purple Rain tomorrow night but you’re out of town. 🙁

      1. ru_ri +3

        Rats! I would SO be there. Please go see it and be fabulous and wave a lighter for me!

        I won’t be back in TC for a while (I moved most of my worldly possessions into a friend’s basement and have been traveling the country in the Subaru, visiting various dojos and seeing old friends) but when I do return we really must get together for a drink. Our mutual love of Prince has cemented my feeling about this!

  66. mydonkeyfeet +37

    (I’ve been waiting for open thread to propose the word phalluses should be pronounced as fallacies, but I don’t have anything to add about Prince, sorry.)

    1. shucksmahoney +3

      Prince would approve of that and 80s Prince would probably work it into a song lyric.

      1. mydonkeyfeet +2

        Oh good. Then let’s do it in his honor. (Actually the other day I was trying to type the word fallacies during a chat and I just could not get it right because I kept starting with a ph and continuing down the wrong spelling path from there. And it was a conversation about stupid anti-trans bathroom laws, so I think it works. Laws about people’s genitals are almost always phalluses.)

  67. treereenee +22

    Who else remembers the Dave Chappelle episode about Prince and basketball and pancakes? I hope more awesome stories like that are coming. RIP.

    1. PaigePoo +4

      I’m a little young for Prince’s music, so this Chapelle sketch was my introduction to Him and I love it. (And I’m now relishing in All Things Prince, so keep everything coming!)

      1. lyetteann +2

        I remembered this as an actual Prince quote for about ten minutes last night before remembering it was actually Chapelle-as-Prince.

  68. BestLaidPlans +9

    What a bummer of a week. I’ve got the one friend who never responds to texts not responding to texts. My husband was out of town and is now going to a work thing tonight. Prince. And now I’ve had someone back out of a job offer, presumably to get a higher salary at the place she was working.

    I’m spending my afternoon looking online for my friend from the summer of 1984 with whom I spent long afternoons listening to Purple Rain and whose father we somehow convinced to accompany us to the movie, since we were way to young to get in by ourselves. I found her sister but I haven’t tracked her down yet.

    I hope the weekend is happy, healthy, and full of sunshine for all of us.

  69. kayjayoh_ +9

    My first memories of Prince mingle with my first memories of Michael Jackson, so it was 1982, when Thriller and 1999 both came out. I would have been six going on seven.

    I was much more of an MJ fan at the time. But I remember a little neighbor girl who was the sort to make up all sorts of stories to try to impress you and get you to like her. She insisted that Prince was her uncle. Later in life, when I thought of Prince, I would often think of poor little Eva.

  70. ectocool +22

    I’m having surgery on Monday and have been barred from OTC meds for 10 days before and it’s also the first day of my period without ibuprofen I’m basically dying and weeping that I can’t have the power to demand people not make eye contact with me

    2. spectra37 +7

      Noooooooooo. *carefully doesn’t make eye contact as she also doesn’t pat you sympathetically*

      I hope you find something that alleviates the horror of your existence today.

      1. ectocool +7

        Well, after spending my lunch break curled in a ball on the staff room floor while dryheaving smelling spilled broccoli-cheese soup, I got some ginger ale and am definitely feeling better!

    3. Lynn +5

      That sounds awful. Are you anywhere where you can get to a drug store and get some of those stick on heating pads? I use the ones that are supposed to be for the upper back when my cramps hit “painkillers do nothing” levels.

      1. ectocool +4

        Alas, those heating pads make me heat TOO much to the point of fainting, because everything is bright and wonderful. But I have some ginger ale and raspberry-leaf tea that actually helped a bit. Uterii, amirite?

        1. anniekate76 +1

          Baths are great, if you have a tub? I spend so much time during periods in the bathtub. It’s ridic.

          I hope you feel better soon!

      2. tinypaperme +1

        And as a flip side, the “menstrual-shaped” stick-on heating pads are exactly the right shape to put on a strained calf muscle.

    4. Nashirakins +11

      Oh noooooo! Having surgery is suck enough, but an unmedicated period is sheer awfulness incarnate. Would you like me to shout UTERUS WHAT ARE YOU DOING STAP at yours for you?

  71. hlmorris85 +20

    I wasn’t a huge Prince fan or anything, but he was always kind of in the background of my life, and I’m rather surprised at how sad I’m feeling right now. It’s made me ruminate on public grief a bit, and I’m curious. What was your first consciousness of celebrity death?

    For me it was Kurt Cobain. I was eight years old and I honestly don’t remember if I’d ever heard a Nirvana song before then, but I remember sitting on the hood of a car with my neighbor, who was two or three years older than me, and him just bawling his eyes out while the radio played. I’d already had a lot of people in my life die by then, but that was definitely my first experience with that kind of public grief and mourning and realizing that people can mean something to you through their art even if you never knew them personally.

    1. kayjayoh_ +18

      The first person-I-didn’t-know death that made me cry was Mr. Hooper on Sesame Street (1983). (Cried myself sick all day.) But that was a fictional character. Yet is seems strangely appropriate that the first celebrity death I can *remember* making my cry was Jim Henson (1990).

      There may have been others, but that is what I can recall.

      1. freshwaterpearl +6

        Yes. Jim Henson. It’s weird to realize how old he would be now if he were still alive; he was taken way, way too soon and I was a little kid who loved the Muppets more than anything and I was so shocked and sad. There’s footage of his memorial on YouTube if you ever need a good cry.

      2. tinypaperme +2

        I cried over Mr. Hooper, too, even though I was probably too old to be crying over Sesame Street at the time. (Though I really think one is never too old to cry over Sesame Street.)

    2. jenavira +13

      One of my very few vivid memories from childhood is playing in the living room while Princess Diana’s funeral was on TV. I hadn’t really known much about her, but I was captivated by the outpouring of public grief, and totally floored by the pictures of George and Harry looking – well, looking pissed off that everyone was taking pictures of them at their mother’s funeral. Celebrity grief has always been a little double-sided to me, like a guilty pleasure – yes, this person was a public figure and they touched your life, but is all this public grief infringing on their family?

      And then Terry Pratchett died and I was wrecked, honestly his was the first celebrity death that hit me where I lived, and I understood it a little better. But I still feel for his family, and I’m glad I don’t have to know what it’s like to grieve someone who’s also being grieved by the whole world.

      1. kayjayoh_ +8

        Oh gods. When Terry Pratchett died I was wrecked for weeks. And then I read his last Discworld book and was wrecked again.

        Even thinking about it now, my throat is tensing.

      2. kayjayoh_ +6

        I think with some artists, whether they are authors, actors, musicians… We don’t *know* them, but the output of their work makes us feel like we know them. We’ve taken journeys with them. They’ve shown us things.

        And like all grief, it is a deep feeling of “that’s it. no more. that is all you get.” It is inherently selfish. But that’s what it is.

    3. askelade +9

      One of my parents is a journalist, so I grew up with this idea that Horrible Things are NEWS, and I was surprisingly emotionally detached from pretty much everything that was news.

      When Kurt Cobain died I just lost it, and I have never gotten over that sadness. For the first time, the famous-person-who-died was a PERSON to me, I really felt like I understood that here was a precious human life that was just no longer here.

      Very few celebrity deaths have really affected me like that, since then. Actually I wrote just the other day a comment (on a LR, maybe?) about how sad I still am about Kurt Cobain.

    4. shellygrrl +5

      It’s weird because a lot of celebrity deaths happened when I was a kid, but none of them really clicked with me.

      I think my first acute awareness was Selena’s death in 1995 (I was fourteen or fifteen), but I don’t think I came into major consciousness of it until the summer of 1997. Gianni Versace, Princess Diana, and Mother Teresa all going in relatively short order, especially the outpouring of grief for Diana’s death.

      1. hlmorris85 +3

        That summer Princess Diana and Mother Teresa died was such a weird one. I don’t know if I was going through a particularly morbid phase or if it was just weird teenhood rearing its head, but I actually kept a scrapbook of all the articles from the newspaper about them. Neither figure had particularly meant anything to me before they died, which is what I find so weird about this public mourning, or maybe just my reaction to it.

    5. erinkwed +4

      +1 on Princess Diana. I was only about five when she died and I remember my mother watching the news all day crying. It was all very confusing, especially that there were real people who were princesses and not just disney characters.

    6. dorianneemmerton +8

      Kurt Cobain was close ti my age and did suicide a time when I wanted to. So yes, that was hard.

    7. urspostrophe +6

      For me I think it was George Harrison. I became obsessed with my parents’ Beatles records when I was 7 and 8, and when George died I was a young teen and had stopped caring about them so much. But then he died and it felt so bizarrely unreal and unfair.

    8. extrayarn +4

      Mr. Hooper, I vaguely remember. I remember they made a big deal about it but I didn’t really get it at the time.

      Kurt Cobain, I was not really the type of kid who listened to Nirvana until later, so I remember seeing all these kids being upset and thinking they were being a little overdramatic. (Now I see all these tweens in Nirvana shirts from Target and want to shake them by the shoulders and yell “Name ONE song!”)

      The ones I most remember taking notice of were Sinatra and the Queen Mum.

    9. Passing_Strange +4

      Princess Diana was the first one I was aware of, and I remember being confused about why people cared so much. I posted on some message board I was on about how I didn’t care and someone told me I was being insensitive (which I probably was, it was probably an “I’m too cool to care about things” kind of message, I was 15), and that was when I realized that it was real people who were actually upset about this, not just people on tv and journalists acting like they were sad because it was their job. I just couldn’t relate to it and did not understand the media frenzy.

      I guess I haven’t really had the experience yet of having a beloved public figure die when I thought they’d still be around creating new work forever. I was nostalgic when Terry Pratchett died last year and went back and read a few of his books in tribute, but I hadn’t read any of them for years before that, so I didn’t feel the loss of potential or the loss of a presence in my life.

      Sort of related: nobody I’m close to in my life has ever died (I wasn’t close to my grandparents or any of my other older relatives who’ve passed away) and I am TERRIFIED that I am going to handle it really poorly when it comes time because I have no life experience whatsoever to draw on. I mean, objectively I can see that this is a good problem to have, because I have been lucky so far, and I don’t talk about this fear very much because of how I’m afraid it sounds to people who have lost someone really close to them. I guess I just really like fooling myself into thinking I’m in control at all times: breakups are terrible but I’ve had a few and I know how to deal with them. When someone I love dies I am not going to know what to do.

    10. cait0716 +4

      Jerry Garcia. My parents were (are) big deadheads, as was a great deal of my extended family. Most of my lullabys were sung by Jerry, and he was just a constant in my life both before and after his death. I can still be surprised to discover that a song I always thought of as his was actually written/recorded by someone else (most famously Dear Prudence). I was too young to really be affected by his death, but I remember my dad grieving for quite a while.

    11. Pola_Negroni +1

      Freddie Mercury. I was 12 in 1991 and although I didn’t feel any personal connection with him, I remember it and the AIDS announcement the day before being a HUGE deal that really seemed to shake the adults in my life.

  72. laurenipsum +45

    Is this functionally the open thread for today? I wanted to talk about going to New York and seeing Hamilton and meeting ocwut and gingkotree and another toastie whose username I can never remember (sorry) and eating all the delicious foods etc. But I don’t want to intrude on public mourning 🙁

    2. Merripat +17

      Nicole said it is also the regular Open Thread! Please tell us about New York! I may be dying of envy over here, but don’t let that stop you.

    5. laurenipsum +36

      OK!

      Well, one major theme was “OMG vacation” because we actually left the farm for A WEEK and had a farmsitter and were ON VACATION and nothing went wrong. This never happens.

      We got an airbnb for two nights in Brooklyn, which was, strangely, quieter than the farm, which was amazing. Then we spent several nights with friends from grad school in Manhattan.

      Food/drink:
      – Dominican lunch in Brooklyn + pitcher of sangria because vacation!
      – Momofuku Ma Peche — delicious
      – Spotted Pig — twice — delicious
      – White Horse Tavern, around the corner from the Spotted Pig — perfect for having a midafternoon drink and reading a book post-in-laws-visit, so delightful
      – pizza, check
      – hot dog, check
      – BAGEL FAIL: Did not acquire bagel
      – delicious Chinese food
      – so many Boulevardiers and Manhattans
      – so many cortados, why can you not get a cortado anywhere else in the US?

      Things
      – sleeping in
      – not having anxiety about the farm (a major accomplishment)
      – Brooklyn Public Library
      – NYPL (hello lions)
      – Highline
      – Times Square only because we had to get to the show, it was horrible
      – Central Park obv
      – Prospect Park
      – Brooklyn Botanical Gardens (lovely!)
      – Museum of Natural History to see the original fossil archaeopteryx that spouse has tattooed on his arm
      – HAMILTON

      Hamilton-specific things
      – nobody came out to the stage door after the matinee 🙁
      – I walked back from the Highline late after dinner and drinks and stopped to see if anyone was still coming out after the evening show, and they were!
      – I missed Lin, Jasmine, Oak I think, and Rory the new George, but I DID see Chris Jackson and LESLIE AND I HUGGED HIM AND HE WAS SO NICE
      – Javier is a better singer than Lin but Lin is a better rapper
      – it was amazing
      – Ask me anything

      2. CleverManka +6

        Ahhhh! What a great trip! I’m so glad you had a fantastic time! Teeeeensiest bit bummed that our trips couldn’t have overlapped, but HURRAY that we both got to go!

        1. laurenipsum +6

          I knowww that would have been the most amazing. It’s your fault* I went at all, though — I got my tickets right after you posted about getting yours, like, that same day or the day after, I don’t remember. I was just like “huh I guess that’s something a person can do … FUCK IT I’M GOING”

          * I forgive you 🙂

      3. thebellewitch +6

        Because I just got to see Hamilton a few weeks ago, my AMA for you is: OMG was the choreography not incredible? I wish I could see the Helpless and Satisfied about a million times to figure out how everyone hits their marks.

        Also you hugged Leslie!! I missed him, but his understudy did not disappoint.

        1. laurenipsum +2

          BONKERS. HOW. How are high schools going to recreate this? (Are they even going to try?) I just. Yeah. It was overwhelming, I couldn’t figure out where to look.

    6. RoseCamelia +15

      I am so jealous! I would love to meet gingkotree and ocwut. They are amazing, aren’t they?

      So happy you could get away from the farm without anxiety. You deserve a good vacation. ::Toasthugs::

      1. laurenipsum +10

        Yes! It was lovely to meet them! I love the toastfamily. *toasthugs back atcha*

  74. anniekate76 +12

    Since this has become the open thread, I will post this here…

    This week I learned that all you have to do to make a boring but required, simple and doable task truly exciting is to procrastinate on completing it for one month, at which point the boredom is replaced by shame, horror, and humiliation.
    I finally did the thing though, you guys.
    http://imgur.com/vIaLNkY

    Also, while we’re doing reruns, I would like it if the The Day The Girls Learned To Code were reposted with a link to the Edie Windsor Coding Scholarship Fund for LGBTQ women kickstarter. They could use a signal boost! Then we could hasten the day where catcalling men are replaced with robotic Tim Gunns! http://bit.ly/LWTEdie

  75. dorianneemmerton +37

    They just played Gett Off and I had just got out of the shower and chopped a bunch of my hair off (identity crisis) and I danced my naked ass round with my balcony doors wide open and joyed all over about how it’s a sexy fat girl anthem.

  76. allanaaa +6

    Toasties! I watched The Boy this week! I was disappointed by the ending in the extreme. Every five minutes I was like “OHHHHH now I see another wonderful way where this plot could resolve by having the protagonist and antagonist join forces to smash the patriarchy!” and then …. none of them happened. Sigh.

    1. Maxine of Arc +2

      The Boy, as in the one with creepy Brahms in the English manor house? Can I ask what you mean / what you were hoping would happen?

      1. allanaaa +2

        Yes! [[SPOILER ALERT]]

        With the obvious caveat of “Yes I realize that a woman being trapped in a house with an emotionally abusive/coercive male power is not at all feminist” ….

        Okay so you know when she finally gets to the “OMG it’s a ghost, I get it now” – when he brings her a sandwich, and her shoes back? I was like “YESSSS now they are friends, they can team up, and she can be strengthened by this supernatural force!”
        I felt so totally vindicated in this theory when her creepy ex-boyfriend shows up and she asks the doll “I need your help to get rid of him” and the doll totally delivers – writes “GET OUT” in blood and etc. All about that.
        Then … obviously this is not what happened. And I was saddened! So that was one example.

        Then later when she’s on the run for her life and then suddenly wisens up and turns around and is like “IT’S TIME FOR BED!” and he meekly follows her commands, I was like “Oh shiiiiit this will be so greaaaaaaaaaat” and then clearly it was not. I was just hoping she would figure out how to get in control of the situation and own the ending. That was another time.

        But also I think the movie didn’t do a good enough job emphasizing how clever it was. Like, the ending went straight into a schlocky fight scene, and it wasn’t until ten minutes after it ended I was like “ohhhhhhhhhh that’s why the rat traps.” “ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhh that’s why the food.” “ohhhhh riiiiiiight that’s why the music is so loud.” JFC.

        1. Theo_Winterwood +2

          YES. Okay, so I was totally on board with the idea of the twist being “It’s not a ghost, it’s a terrifying grown man living in the walls.” I was down for that. But so so so many things did not gel the way I wanted them to in the execution of said idea.

          It frustrates me because after seeing it, I wanted it to retroactively live up to the movie it could have been if they’d stripped it back down to its barest bones and rebuilt it better than it actually was.

          (Also fewer scenes that turn out to be surprise bad dreams.)

          (Also between Brahms and the abusive ex and the nice local boy, there was at least one dude too many in this movie. I.e., local boy was basically superfluous for me, except to deliver plot points.)

          1. allanaaa +1

            (Oh man I knowwwwwwwwwwww. Like if they had combined “local boy” with “abusive male” and gotten rid of the backstory, and then Brahms had come to her rescue when the local boy turned out to be awful, it would’ve been so much smoother. [And bonus, she could’ve just saved herself and gotten the hell outta dodge and that would’ve been a satisfying as hell ending.])

          2. Theo_Winterwood +1

            There. You have completely solved the plot of this movie. That’s exactly how it needed to work.

            I didn’t need the abusive ex to be a backstory to justify her taking this job anyway–I would totally believe it if she just needed the money from the really good salary for student loans or something.

  77. Effective Nancy +48

    I am shocked — SHOCKED — that no one has suggested Prince was the man resembling fox Robin Hood. I mean, it is so clear to me

    2. Pola_Negroni +16

      Counterpoint: Prince is Jafar mysteriously giving your pants a headache every time he smiles even though he’s a baddie and all your friends love Aladdin and his stupid floppy hair.

  78. catcet +18

    Comment the first: I want to send out my condolences to everyone mourning Prince today. He wasn’t a major part of my life growing up, so my main thought is that it’s about time that I finally got to exploring his work, but he clearly meant a lot to so many of you, so I wish you the best in dealing with this loss in whichever way works best for you.

    Comment the second: Since this is also the open thread, I want to send out a quick thanks to the Toastie who brought up The Black Tapes Podcast in a link roundup last week. I’ve basically been listening to it all week, I’m closing in on the end of the first season, and I am officially in love. So, thanks!

    1. meetapossum +4

      I’ve listened to TBTP about a million times now, and while I like it a lot, I have a lot of criticisms that I can never express because no one I know listens to it.

        1. meetapossum +2

          Well, ok, NB: I will forgive some things in the first season because it WAS the first season, but they still annoy me.

          – I find a lot of the dialogue to be very stilted and strange. There are so many repeated phrases and don’t even get me STARTED on the “What’s a podcast?” thing. (Like, any radio show host would edit that out. No question.) One of the weird dialogue things that comes to mind is in 106, where Nic is talking about Simon Reese and says “Simon was a selective mute, which of course complicated things,” and then this happens:
          Alex: His defense team claimed he was mute because he witness his parents murders.
          Nic: Yeah, I think before that he had been what they referred to as a selective mute.

          Like, what? He was ALWAYS a selective mute or what?

          – Using real-life tragedies as part of the narrative. They bleeped her name out after the original airing, but using Elisa Lam is fucked up, I think.

          – The weird timeline. At the beginning Alex says she’s been working at PNWS for 3 years. Later Nic says they did something together 4 years ago. In episode 106 he says they worked on something in 2008. (I know this could be a product of story development, but it still annoys me.)

          – The background noises! This continues in Tanis, too. The random screams, thumps, ominous music, and sirens. It’s WAY too much.

          – The accents. This is one of those things I forgive in the first season sort of, but damn. Everyone from everywhere has a Canadian/Washington accent. Even kids growing up in New Mexico.

          1. catcet +1

            I’m definitely with you on the accents and the timeline. With the accents I mostly just have a moment of thinking that everything sounds remarkably Canadian before moving on, but you’d think they’d be more on the ball with the timeline considering how much of the series is about retracing events from the past.

            It hadn’t occurred to me that the use of real life events would be a problem – I just sort of wrote it off as being part of the whole verisimilitude thing they’ve got going – but now that I think about it, I can definitely see how that could be a problem.

            As far as the dialogue and the background noises go, those actually kind of work for me. Like, people often do sound stilted and use weird turns of phrase, so have some of the dialogue be sort of like real conversations and sort of not puts it in an uncanny valley that I think works for the mood of the show. As for the sound effects, I just have fun imagining Alex and Nic in editing going, “No, we need more low rumbling!”

            It’s fun to get another perspective though! I tend to get fairly unquestioning and complacent about my entertainment once I find something I like, so it’s always interesting to hear what did and didn’t work for other people.

          2. lady_moods +2

            LOL the “What’s a podcast?” thing. I haven’t listened to TBTP since season 1 ended (and i now realize there’s a season 2! brb downloading it all) and this reminder cracked me up.

    2. Es_Petal +30

      It’s been cold here, so mine are snuggling.

      Colder days, cuddlier cats

      And Saffron does not like being woken up by the camera clicking.

      Colder days, cuddlier cats

      1. logicbutton +13

        Ever since that one time you referred to her as BB-8, I can’t not see BB-8. Lookit that little round ball of fluffdroid!

        1. Es_Petal +4

          It’s perfect, isn’t it. You can imagine my joy at the cinema! I hadn’t been massively interested in it beforehand so hadn’t seen any trailers, and I had no idea until BB-8 appeared.

        1. Es_Petal +7

          I feel like I am letting her down by not giving her global internet fame as the next grumpy cat.

    3. smallpistachio +12

      Your cat is beautiful.

      Julie Andrews The Cat will wait until next week, as she is currently in mourning. I rearranged things so that she can still see out the window but can no longer chew the blind cords. Her grief is real. The likelihood of her choking on cord is less (and therefore good). But right now she just refuses to be photographed.

      1. bibliophibian +6

        She is! She came to me courtesy of SPCR, who are great. When I got her they told me she’d been waiting to be adopted for a long time because she was not a “popular color”. My mind is still blown.

        1. parlato1973 +7

          that’s amazing to hear, because i had some lynx points in a foster litter, and they were a wonder with everyone who saw them. they are so gorgeous, and each kinda comes in with textures and colors that are unique. i kept one of the sisters, outwardly she looks like a brown tabby, but she’s a very animated & vocal siamese personality. they are so much fun!

        1. SarcasticFringehead +12

          I suppose I shouldn’t laugh – it had, at that point, been approximately seven or eight minutes since I’d scritched his ears, which would be a trial for anyone.

  81. _kakapo +16

    I was listening to KEXP yesterday afternoon when I heard the news. They’d just played “Purple Rain” and I was thinking, oh, what a pleasant surprise that Prince is on. It felt like the DJs were speaking for a world in mourning, though. When Cheryl Waters started crying, it made me feel so much less silly for starting to cry at “Raspberry Beret,” of all songs.

    I have seriously felt a deep sense of injustice every time I’ve turned on a radio station in the past 24 hours and Prince HASN’T been playing. I don’t care what genre the station technically plays – his music transcended and perfected almost every category.

    1. houblonchouffe +10

      I don’t care what genre the station technically plays – his music transcended and perfected almost every category.

      SAY IT AGAIN, THIS IS IMPORTANT

  82. LeenyRose +10

    Oh heyyyy Open Thread.
    I wasn’t super attached to Prince, but I do have Minnesota connections and it’s been amazing to watch all the tributes. Like others, now I’m thinking of the way his songs formed the background of my life without my even knowing it.
    SO, OT stuff! PhD Struggles Thread? #Ishouldbewriting. I’m in that part of the semester where I have to write 2 20-page research papers in 5 days? And this is always my own fault for not starting earlier, and this is my last semester of coursework, please advise on how to write more deliberately when dissertation time arrives.

    1. AOpp +3

      I have no advice for writing deliberately, because I’m typically also in the “write 2 20-page research papers in 5 days” club (with the added bonus that mine are often literature reviews, which means also catching up on the reading that is supposed to inform said paper writing), but just wanted to offer solidarity. I’m in a math ed PhD program, which also requires us to take some math content courses, and this semester I only have a content course, so I have no course papers due (yay!), but still, #Ishouldbewriting because I have to finish my practicum (basically, a mini dissertation that we have to complete as a program milestone), and I’m going to be spending the summer working on a paper for my comprehensive exams, so the sooner I can get started on that, the better, although at this point I’m still in the literature selection phase (it’s another lit review, but one that I’m hoping I can use as part of my dissertation proposal next spring).

  83. mmcoulston +17

    I have a lot of early Prince memories, chief of which is when my best friend and I were like 10 and called into our local radio station to request at least three Prince songs. The DJ balked, “All Prince songs? Ha, right.” He did not understand.

    The past couple of weeks have been really difficult for me, mostly because a friend of mine died and now I have custody of her wonderful cat. While Prince’s death is so so sad, the outpouring of love and grief and celebration and amazing music is healing me a little. Kitty snuggles aren’t hurting, either. Group hug, everyone. Or tear-stained head nod in your direction, whatever makes you feel better.

    2. mydonkeyfeet +1

      Oh, I’m so sorry about your friend! I’m glad you have her cat so you two can comfort each other, and I bet she would be comforted to know that you have each other too.

  84. SarcasticFringehead +14

    Toasts, my stepmom’s mom is in the hospital (& it sounds like the prognosis is not good) and it’s bringing up all kinds of guilt and mortality issues that I DO NOT feel like dealing with today/ever (plus my brain doctor had to cancel our appointment yesterday because she was sick, so). I have a lot of issues with my stepmom, but I like her mom, but I do not have the emotional energy for this. I’m usually very good at compartmentalizing (which in itself is not necessarily great, but is a coping mechanism), but I’m not sure how long I can keep doing it.

    (at the end of February, my mom was given the choice between being laid off from her job of 18 years with six whole weeks severance, or going to half-time; the next day, her mom/my grandma died; three weeks later one of my best friends went into the hospital to have her thyroid removed and has since been diagnosed with stage 3 or possibly stage 4 thyroid cancer; somewhere in there I lost my wallet, which was returned but not after I’d started the process of replacing everything; another one of my best friends got dumped & she lives three hours away so I can’t do anything; my roommate’s grandma, who essentially raised her, is also having health issues).

    1. laurenipsum +8

      oh, that is SO MUCH. I’m so sorry. You are in the dump-out ring for a LOT of people it sounds like — who’s in your dump-out ring and can you mobilize them to help you?

      1. SarcasticFringehead +1

        Thanks! I’m working on it – unfortunately, a lot of people who are usually in my dump-out ring (mom, friends) are the ones directly affected this time. I’ve been dating a really sweet dude who’s very willing to be supportive, but I’ve only known him for four months so it’s not quite as easy as it is with longer-established friends.

    2. chiaroscuromom +4

      Oh, honey. That is so much to be dealing with. All strength and love to you as you work through all of this.

      1. SarcasticFringehead +4

        Thanks so much! Tonight I think I will watch Murder She Wrote and work on an embroidery project.

  85. middlemarch +14

    If you need a break from Prince-related sadness, here is a video my sister and her friends made in high school. Her friend was applying to a scholarship contest at an evangelical school, and the video was supposed to be about what makes their home ~amazing~. Instead, sister and friends basically turned it into Raising Arizona Redux, with my sister as the writer, and I could not be prouder. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FbuSPnu5_go

    “People always think we Arizonans shoot all sorts of things. But we don’t shoot things! We shoot animals and every living creature on the green earth.”

    1. RudyRed +8

      “Ashokan Farewell” playing in the background at the end really elevated this video to another level. Tell your sister that I giggled a lot.

      1. middlemarch +4

        I should mention that about 35% of our childhoods was my dad watching Ken Burns’ “The Civil War.” The other 35% was my dad watching the 1974 “The World at War” documentaries, as narrated by Sir Laurence Olivier. The remaining 30% was a mix of Coen brothers, Mel Brooks, and Leslie Nielsen.

      1. middlemarch +10

        THAT PART WAS DIRECTLY MAKING FUN OF ME. I SAID “GENTRIFIED” A LOT WHEN I WAS IN COLLEGE, SO SUE ME, SISTER.

        1. CleverManka +6

          I love it. LOVE IT. Amend my earlier statement to “Your sister is a fucking treasure.”

          1. middlemarch +8

            I should also mention that the part where she talks about going to the mall and the scene cuts to Circle-K is based on reality. Even as a grown ass woman, my sister’s favorite thing in life is to get slushies at convenience stores with her friends.

  86. themegnapkin +21

    My little dog comes home from the hospital today! He’s been doing well, although they warned me that he has significant bruising and not to be alarmed because it will go down.

    Also, a house centipede joined me in the shower this morning, and it was horrifying. I didn’t have my glasses on, so it was only an innocuous brown blur at first and I almost didn’t realize what it was until it was TOO LATE. Luckily, I caught on, started screaming, jumped over it out of the shower, and then smushed it with toilet paper. I will never feel safe in the shower again.

    1. SarcasticFringehead +12

      Oh god, mysterious brown blurs in the shower when you don’t have glasses/contacts (because why would you) are the WOOOOOOORST.

    2. coloredlights +4

      We had a bit of a bug problem a few months ago and now I ALWAYS check the shower with glasses on before taking them off and starting the water. Surprise shower bugs are never welcome.

    3. Herberta1 +6

      House centipedes are the worst! I will take care of spiders (spouse is phobic), but house centipedes reduce me to a quivering lump. *Shudder*

      1. themegnapkin +5

        First I’ll try covering the bathroom in diatomaceous earth while chanting and burning incense, but razing the house to the ground may be the only solution.

    5. aintnothingtoit +2

      This is the stuff of nightmares.

      Except for your dog coming home, yay dog! Pupper snuggles.

  87. depizan +9

    http://www.awesomelyluvvie.com/2016/04/prince-pet…
    “Keysha: I was at work when a customer told me and I swear I wanted to run right up outta there ,but I remembered I’m not in Prince’s will.
    Sherita: At work, I was so distraught and dark and twisty inside I had a slice of cake and some queso. Bitch, my heart needed carbs.”

  88. parlato1973 +25

    i had to put off Prince mourning for social events yesterday [and frankly, shock]. i am old for this audience, so Prince and Bowie were huge figures in my life and in regular play in our home. it was a magical time in the early 80s, when men everywhere were wearing makeup, color streaks in their hair, trying out cross-elements of dressing regardless of their sexual identity. having men like this around did wonders for my dreams of what dating might be like. i always appreciated him, although talib kweli’s story about him reading the bible at a show is something i actually find scary [the bible is kinda the last thing i ever want to hear, even from prince].

    anyway! my open thread things to share are:

    + i got my toast post list, and i’m definitely over-thinking ways to make things to send.

    + a nice friend linked a list of female-hosted podcasts: http://www.wnyc.org/story/female-hosted-podcasts/

    + week 4 of whole30 and i think i have finally converted. i’m going to call my doctor about the statin drugs i don’t want to take and propose some lipid tests to see just how in-danger i am of this high cholesterol number, and go the diet way instead.

    + it’s garden time! i will post pix in the replies.

      1. houblonchouffe +5

        Your artichokes are amazing!!!

        We have a wee greenhouse in our library and our tomato plants are loving it and we’re going to have to rearrange it soon, because they’re going to be way too tall for the greenhouse way before it’s safe to get them outside. I am so far very very proud of them.

        1. parlato1973 +10

          i’m so proud of those little artichokes, i planted them last year and they were glorious until about 6 weeks ago, there was an aphid infestation. i tried blasting them off with the hose regularly, but it didn’t seem to help. meanwhile, i had been out walking and passed some ladybug-covered weeds and went back with a jar. it’s mainly under control now, and a few of these cuties still live in the garden:

      2. SmrtCookie +2

        I’m so jealous of everyone who has a longer growing season than me! Which is most people! But my trees leafed out seemingly overnight, my tulips and hyacinths are blooming, and I have wee baby peas started indoors. The calendar says we have 2 more weeks of frost danger but it sure doesn’t feel like it!

        1. parlato1973 +2

          nice, what kinds of trees do you have?

          the great thing about wee baby peas is that you can eat the greens while you wait for a time to put them outside. though i know that might seem savage.

          1. SmrtCookie +1

            Cherry! Ornamental, alas, but they should be gorgeous when they bloom!

            My peas are just starting to poke out of the dirt so they have a ways to go before I can start grazing.

      3. ellehmariat +1

        Awesome! Your garden is like a sneak preview of what mine will hopefully be in a few weeks! The only thing that I’ve been harvesting so far is strawberries, but they are amazing and actually producing quite a lot!

        1. parlato1973 +1

          it’s still on my list to get a strawberry pot, i should do that this weekend. thanks for the reminder!

      4. laurenipsum +3

        Where do you live that you have set fruit on your cucurbits already??? I am envious.

        My garden is still just a few things in pots. Mostly the goal of the container garden right now is to keep stuff alive and growing enough that when I finally get to plant in the ground, I’ll have some more established plants and won’t be starting from nursery starts. So that seems to be going to plan. The rhubarb is up and the plum and cherry trees bloomed while I was away and now there are tiny little fruits on them. I killed my hazelnuts so I guess I should replace them. The thyme and rosemary and chives and oregano survived the winter and are doing pretty well. Yay!

        1. parlato1973 +2

          i’m in los angeles, and our cold overnights that would threaten seedlings is mainly in december, or at least it was this year. i think i put these in the ground 6 weeks ago.

    2. CleverManka +6

      Thank you so much for this comment! I, too, am in the older demographic, called on Prince and Bowie as a teen to help me feel brave about my own freak flag, have been eating mostly Whole30 for the past four years, and am relieved to hear you just got your Toast Post list because I haven’t seen mine yet and I was getting nervous.

      1. parlato1973 +3

        i think we also were on LJ in decades past, is that right? was i not supposed to mention LJ in mixed company, oops.

        1. CleverManka +1

          Ha! Actually I’m still there. Mostly to document my own health stuff, but a very few people stick around and keep me company once a while.

          1. parlato1973 +1

            i am still sometimes there and have the app on my phone. are you private there or should i add you?

          2. CleverManka +1

            SURE! I’m the same name everywhere (that matters) on the internet, so I should be easily findable. You?

          3. parlato1973 +1

            trixiefirecat, i just sent you an add. as my LJ friends have jokingly said for years: LJ REVIVAL!

  89. grandma_nancy +13

    Hi Toast, not Prince related, but has anyone had any experience with adult hormonal acne? I had to go off the pill last year and got an IUD, and 6 months after the insertion (I guess that’s how long it took for the estrogen to flush from my system?) I started getting pretty bad chin and jawline acne and now have scarring and omg I know it’s not that big of a deal in the grand scheme but I HATE IT. I feel like I had gotten to a great place with liking how I look, but now whenever I have a zit (pretty much always) I look in the mirror and I just feel embarrassed and hideous.

    I went to the dermatologist and got topical stuff that hasn’t done anything, and I haven’t gone back because turns out my insurance doesn’t cover acne treatment (cool) but I was thinking of finding a GP in my new city and begging for some kind of prescription. Any experiences or tips? I had to go off estrogen for medical reasons, so going back on the pill is not an option, and I love my IUD otherwise. I just can’t accept this as a side effect 🙁

    1. sarahgundle +5

      Responding just so that I’m here if you follow up. Mine has calmed down so now I get one big one per month and I’m sure it wouldn’t scar if I would just leave it alone, but ugh. Honestly, I rode it out because I didn’t think I had another option and 30 is apparently the point at which my skin decided to only have temper tantrums sometimes, so I’d love to know what you end up figuring out.

      Basically, my IUD is the best choice I ever made, but the skin issue super sucks.

      1. grandma_nancy +2

        Thanks for replying! If you don’t mind my asking, how long did it take to ride it out from when you first got the IUD?

        1. sarahgundle +1

          Oh, I’m a terrible case study – I had hormonal acne already so going off the pill just took me back to the hellish landscape that was my skin pre-pill. I got my first IUD six or seven years ago, I am now down to one cystic zit/month.

    2. annecara +3

      I’ve been using Clearasil “Ultra Rapid Action Pimple Clearing Cream” and it works amazing for me? But depending how sensitive your skin is it might not be an option for you.

    3. abba_wabba +6

      I have always always always had hormonal acne and have finally gotten it under control… I do a combo of a gentle cleanser, BHA exfoliant (morning and night), and oil free moisturizer. It sounds weird but keeping my skin moisturized has really helped. I love Paula’s Choice and they have a great tool for setting up your skin care regime – as well as AWESOME customer service. Unlike most skincare products, they site peer-reviewed studies for why they have the ingredients they do – which the science nerd in me loves! You can try out a ton of samples and see what works.

      1. grandma_nancy +1

        Thanks for the tip! I’ve switched over to oil free moisturizer from my old one, which I’m sure is doing something, and I’ll look at Paula’s Choice products too. It would be amazing if changing my skincare regime would help with this problem…

    4. ellehmariat +3

      I have trouble with adult acne, although I don’t think it’s hormonal. My only real insight is that my doctor told me that anything in a facewash does not have enough time in contact with your skin to do anything. You need products that you put on your face and leave there so the active ingredient has enough time to take action.

      I use clindamycin/benzoyl peroxide in the morning and retin-a micro (generic) at night (both are prescriptions). It works fairly well but it’s a constant battle and if I ever miss just one use I end up breaking out 🙁 I know exactly what you mean when you say it’s not that big of a deal in the grand scheme but that you hate it – I feel the same way!

    5. loren_smith +3

      ME, oh man, yes.

      When I got my IUD I almost immediately started with brutal cystic acne on my chin. I’d never had good skin, but this was just beyond anything. I did a few different prescription topicals, without much look (although Tactu did help a bit – I think it has a different name in the US). About a year ago a finally wrangled a scrip for Spirolacctone from my GP and it has been a life-changer. I take 25mg/day, which is about the lowest dose, and now my skin is fine. Not amazing, and I’ll get normal zits if I am gross and sleep in my make-up, but the cystic stuff is gone. I had to jump around with the dosing a bit, as my GP had never given to anyone for acne before, but its a miracle. If I forget to take it for like, two days, the cysts come back. Annnnd I just remembered that I forgot to take it this morning, haha.

        1. loren_smith +2

          On this low dose, not really. I started taking a high one, maybe 75, and I had some boob tenderness, and my mouth tasted weird, but they weren’t a big deal at all. Not compared to how upsetting the acne was. I don’t think anything else helped.

          1. grandma_nancy +1

            Good to know. I think I’ll make a checkup appointment and see if my GP can prescribe it, starting on a low dose. I’m wary of spending a ton on skincare products that may or may not have any effect. (Also, lol at the irony of chucking my daily bc pill routine only to take on another one!)

          2. loren_smith +1

            I know, right? But whatever, if it works it works – good luck! My doctor had never heard of it, and had to research, but now she treats tons of people with it. She moonlights at the sexual health clinic and told me she actually removes a lot of IUDs because people can’t handle the acne.

            I tell anyone who will listen about how great it is. I have good benefits, but I feel like it is dirt cheap, especially compared to expensive Sephora face stuff. I just use spectro gel and a cheapo day cream from Whole Foods now, I really don’t think topical stuff will do anything to hormonal acne. Let me know how it goes!!

          3. grandma_nancy +1

            Good to know! Yeah, hopefully if that’s the way to go, my insurance will cover it or it’ll be affordable. No one said anything to me about acne before I got my IUD, so it’s interesting to know that people are having this problem to the point of getting them taken out (and it makes me feel less stupid for being upset about it, haha). Granted, I can’t be on the pill anymore anyway, and I would 1000000x rather be on the IUD than any other method, so…

            Thanks again 🙂

        2. shombalor +2

          Hey, I clicked on this thread just to recommend spironolactone as well. It’s been nothing short of a miracle for my awful hormonal acne, and I tried so many things before that. My dermatologist prescribed me 100 mgs at first, and the results were so immediate I’ve gone down to 50 with equal success (and now I wonder if 25 would work too). Good luck!

          1. sarahgundle +1

            I’m totally going to try this once my health insurance with my employer comes through. I currently have a cystic zit right on my cheek and I’m hating pretty much everything about it right now.

    6. caatness +4

      Doxycycline. It has been the only help for adult onset cystic acne and severe rosacea. That and a very expensive skin care regimen from Christian Dior.

    7. jwhittz +3

      I got a spate of cystic acne on my face and back a few months after my IUD insertion, too! I started Curology in January, and that has definitely helped with the face situation. Things seem to be calming down with my back, too, so maybe the whole thing was temporary in my case? (But you can pry my Curology out of my cold, dead hands now. )

    8. Old_Girl +1

      I agree and yet I commiserate. It is silly to care so much about something so relatively minor, I guess, but it is my FACE, damn it! About 6 months after going off birth control pills, my normally porcelain skin erupted in angry red cystic acne concentrated on the cheeks (wtf) and jawline (ouch) with occasional pimple mountains between my eyebrows (hot). The situation was definitely exacerbated by my anti-pollution mask, but I’m 95% certain that hormones are the real culprit. I tried OCM, which was great for the skin underneath/around the acne but otherwise unhelpful. At my last healthcare appointment, the RN recommended going back on the pill to see if that would clear things up, so I gave in almost three months ago and went back on birth control pills. There’s been some improvement since but the acne is still here UGH. Toasties who recapitulated to the pill – what was your timeline for returning to clear or normal skin?

    9. ConcinnityB +1

      It /may/ not be good for the actual zits and obviously treat the cause and not the symptom and etc., but if you go to a make-up counter they should be able to recommend a decent combo of cover-up and light foundation (if you go for a green tinted one, it’ll take the red out) that will make your face look less angry and a little more smooth. I have superbad adult acne (hi, PCOS!), and coverup stick + bb cream = thank god I don’t have to look at this.

  90. kayjayoh_ +7

    Since this is the open thread for this week… I need to find a new hair stylist. I’d been so attached to my Madison stylist that I just kept going for haircuts when I went for visits. But now she’s no longer at that salon and I don’t know her new contact info. Time to get a Boston person.

    I live in a neighborhood with lots and lots of salons and barbershops. I think I pass three salons before I even need to cross a street when leaving the house. It is also a predominantly Dominican neighborhood. I want to be a part of the neighborhood. Spend money in existing local businesses. Support my neighbors.

    Just just having serious anxiety about going to any of the salons. Stopping in a corner store, liquor store, food shop…I can spend my money, get the things I need, and interact in tiny ways. Going into one of the salons, on the other hand, feels like I’d be invading a space that is not for me.

    I try to be very conscious of other people’s safe spaces. I don’t want to be disruptive. I’ve also got the level of social anxiety which makes everything about a new salon a torture. (I was so comfortable with my old stylist, in a way that I hadn’t been since I was a kid going to my uncle’s barbershop.)

    Do I invade my neighborhood salon? Do I find something near my office instead? Do I try to track down my Madison stylist’s new chair?

    1. bibliophibian +3

      If you see someone with hair texture like yours whose hair looks *amazing*, ask them who does their hair, and that way you have an endorsement and a way in.

      1. kayjayoh_ +4

        This involves a level of conversation with strangers that is waaaay, waaaaaaaaaaay out of my comfort zone.

    2. dashitall +3

      Well, personally I think that the neighborhood salons would be very happy to have your business! Of course, much easier said than done to walk into a new salon… I have social anxiety as well, so I’m one to talk!

      This may be too prying and if so I apologize, but I used to live in Boston and since you mentioned living in a Dominican neighborhood… Jamaica Plain? I could recommend you a small, inexpensive and very laid-back salon near there.

      1. kayjayoh_ +2

        Basically. Egleston.

        It’s not that I think the salons wouldn’t want my business. Neither that I think they wouldn’t do a good job with my hair. My worry is that I’d literally be sticking myself into someone else’s safe, comfortable space, and throwing off their vibe while I’m there.

        I’ve had it happen when I’m somewhere with a bunch of women, and we are having a good time and being ourselves and relaxing and suddenly a dude shows up and joins the group, and the whole atmosphere changes. Not even necessarily bad, but less relaxed. Less free. A little more guarded.

        I don’t want to inflict myself on people.

        1. annabel +3

          But it seems you are equating a social situation with a place of business; they are not the same thing. I don’t think you should see patronizing a local salon as invading their space or inflicting yourself on them. They are there to provide a service, you would like to avail yourself of that service, it’s win, win, win.

    3. eegghh +3

      I think that choosing to spend your money and social interactions with your neighbors is not “invading”. And I’m sorry, but exactly how are you “threatening” to someone’s comfort? Are you going to be racist to them? Show up in a fur coat and talk to people like they’re your servants and throw your money on the floor, or are you going to be normal and polite?

      It seems like you are projecting a lot about how someone would feel about you onto them in a way that…kind of thinks poorly of them. You are assuming someone from a different culture than you have definitely wants an un-interrupted cultural domain even at the expense of their business, even though you’d be willing to cross cultures to “support” them with your money. And you think that they will serve you and hate you instead of just…making it clear if the space isn’t for you. Can you see that that is a bit unfair to assume? Your local salon owners might be very open to cultural exchanges, and they are humans with their own agency to make you feel welcome or unwelcome.

      I have lived in very diverse neighborhoods my entire adult life and I have literally never experienced some wall of hatred that I came into the space to spend money. The worst thing that has ever happened to me was a few confusing and easily solved interactions where I went into what I thought was a regular bar and turned out to be a hostess bar, Quite the opposite most of the time- I think I sometimes get excellent service just because I am so clearly a bumbling and friendly outsider. Also if there’s a language barrier, everyone can just carry on around you perfectly fine, and talk about you if they want to.

      I get the anxiety about going to a new business. And hair is personal, and you need to be comfortable with your stylist. language barriers might make that harder, although most of the Dominicans I grew up with in New England speak perfectly fine english, especially if they moved here younger, so if you find a stylist who is in her 20s or so, she’s probably all set.

      My recommendation, which is my recommendation for anyone who is going to a new stylist is bring about 3-10 idea photos printed out on paper and talk to your stylist before they cut your hair about what you want your hair to look like. I feel like most stylists love that, because it gives them a lot of direction by what you mean and what look you are going for and they can then explain if your hair is even capable of doing it. Ask a lot of questions before you start.

      But like…seriously. your neighbors don’t have the privilege you have in avoiding ever being around someone who might be racist towards them. You have an opportunity here to be a member of your community and belong to it, and I think you are mis-interpreting your own anxiety about whether or not it might feel awkward for you, by putting it back on people just trying to run a business.

      1. kayjayoh_ +1

        I’m…I’m not quite sure at all how to respond to this. Perhaps that means I shouldn’t. But…

        Okay, I don’t think that the business doesn’t want my money. I don’t think the stylists will be mean or rude or “hate” me. But I do know that the women who are at the salon, the customers, are there to get their hair done *and* to relax and have social interactions with each other.

        I’m not planning on being “racist at them.” However: “your neighbors don’t have the privilege you have in avoiding ever being around someone who might be racist towards them.” I’m not trying to avoid them. But I can totally see how, being in a place where you have to deal with white people every damn day, it could be nice to have *that space* where you aren’t dealing with them. At all. And me showing up, even just to spend my money and get my hair cut, throws off that vibe for the other customers. I have learned to be award of other people’s safe spaces, and to think twice about entering them.

        But hey, go ahead and think what you are gonna think. I can’t stop you. [shrug]

        1. brasspaperclip +1

          I’m super intimidated to go into some businesses where I am not sure I’d be exactly welcome. And salons and barbershops can be very social spaces. If I don’t speak the language and everybody shuts up the second I walk in, well, yikes. And, more importantly to me, I’d worry about being able to communicate about how I want my hair cut!

          Omg, I just had a thought – have you checked yelp? Maybe some braver people have gone before you!

  91. bathysphero +22

    Can I ask about toast post? I’ve never done it before, what’s “usual” to send? A post card? A letter? A jar of spiders with a picture of me and the recipient as bffs?*

    * Probably kidding about this one

    1. Linabobeena +8

      I asked this last week and the overwhelming consensus was postcard. But some folks said homemade stuff, or letters! I think you can do what you want!

        1. sarahgundle +3

          There is a store in my neighbourhood that sells adorable little cards. Never fear, my Toast Postie! Your card is coming!

    3. laurenipsum +8

      Are some matches still to go out? I’m worried that I didn’t actually manage to sign up … :\

      2. katerkins +6

        I only got mine yesterday, so don’t fret! I am prone to thinking the worst at all times (which is so exhausting) and assumed I somehow messed up the sign up and was never going to get matched. Now that I have them, I can worry about what to send instead…

    4. almond_moon +1

      Is it still possible to sign up to be a member of the Toast Post? If anyone could send me the info, I would really appreciate it!

    5. OliviaPJones +1

      I sent some postcards where I was my usual weird awkward self and the recipients will be like “…?” But it’s still a fun thing to do!

  92. coloredlights +37

    (Sorry for everyone dealing with the loss of Prince; I don’t know much about him/have memories tied to his music, but it sucks that he is gone.)

    Here is a happy Open Thread story! I got a job offer, negotiated successfully for more money, accepted, and am starting on Tuesday! And last night I met most of my new coworkers at an event the organization was hosting, and they are all GREAT. I also received confirmation that my newly-blue hair actually influenced them positively towards hiring me.

    Okay that is all; must go continue cleaning my apartment because new friends are coming over tonight. (Do you guys have those certain friends that don’t count as company anymore because they come over so often? Only those friends have been in my apartment for so long that I’ve forgotten how to clean for company.)

  93. rolotomassi5 +2

    What’s everyone reading this week?

    Just finished The Sellout and this may be a bit spoilery, but either I’m dumb or I didn’t understand a major plot point so asking for clarification.

    ****SPOILERS TO FOLLOW*****

    When the main character “segregates” the high school, did he actually ever force any white kids out or were there just none attending the school to begin with? The amount of time it took anyone to realize the “Academy” was just a phantom construction site leads me to believe it’s the latter.

  94. CleverManka +19

    I can’t find the comment thread where people were talking about that HOF performance and someone linked to the gif set that breaks it down (sorry! I looked for several minutes! stupid email notifications that don’t actually take you to the comment!). I just realized what his performance reminds me of.

    and

    1. Ivans_Sister +8

      I love that Tulo GIF. The situatiion itself is splendid, and the fact that they caught the players’ reactions and some blessed soul made it into a GIF is proof that the internet loves us.

  95. Social +10

    Sorry for everyone’s loss. Prince was never a huge part in mine or my friends’ lives, just for generational reasons, but I’ll miss his style. There’s no one like him in music today. (Sideye to that awful Daily Beast article.)

    I made a haircut appointment weeks ago for today and was planning to cut off my hair for a more “queer”/ gender nonconforming haircut; the timing now feels oddly right.

  97. OoTheHumanities +27

    I dreamed about Charlie Potato Hashbrowns last night. I do not yet see his face today so I would like that now, please.

    1. unleavings +8

      Yes. I am digging into old threads to find pictures of that fuzzy face to help soothe my soul.

  98. fakely_mctest +6

    Of Toastie interest may be the movie, The Sisterhood of Night, which I watched this week. Went in thinking it would be a horror, witch thing, which it wasn’t really, (so much more and better!) and definitely definitely cried at the end. I love that the main production team is almost all women and it’s based on a Steven Millhauser short story that I read ages ago but remember liking:

  99. AmyEntropy +16

    Strangely my memory of Prince was some awards show or something where they were commemorating the anniversary of Live Aid. All these musicians get up on stage and sing “We Are The World”, and Prince is with them… no singing. He was sucking on a lollipop. Some guy, I don’t remember who, nudged Prince to get with the program and sing, and instead Prince offered him a lick of his lollipop. He did what he wanted to do.
    Oops, ETA at work today I had this livecam open of a local osprey nest, and I think I saw them mating. I’m strangely thrilled that I may have witnessed the moment some baby osprey were conceived.

        1. halloweenjack64 +7

          Yeah, it made me angry at Quincy Jones. I hate to be cynical about any big charity project like that, but Prince at that point was bigger than Michael Jackson and Thriller , and I think that, if one of the best guitar players in the world offers to lay down a track for your charity record, you might just be able to find some room in the mix for him.

  100. caatness +6

    It feels like I keep discovering new levels of loss to this. I’ve already cried my make-up off once today.

    1. RoseCamelia +3

      Hi friend. Are you OK? I’ve been thinking about you. Ask the adorable gray cat in your residence to give you a hug on my behalf. I am certain he’ll cuddle on demand.

  102. lrljhnsn +15

    OT whining:

    y’know that scene in darjeeling limited where owen wilson goes, “was i just mean to [my personal assistant] brendan?” and adrian brody is like, “yeah, he’s not coming back. he just quit.”

    i had one of those moments with a friend this week. the correct words were said, but in my head it switched from “this is just a tense moment” to “this relationship is essentially over.”

    hopefully i’m wrong, but i doubt it.

  103. laurenipsum +15

    I missed most Toast activity (toastivity? hm, no) last week while on vacation … has Social been around at all? Been thinking about her.

    1. RudyRed +4

      I don’t think she’s been around for the past few days. Hopefully we’ll hear from her soon.

    2. Social +25

      I’m here laurenipsum! You are so kind, I’ve been relatively quiet this week but I’m okay. Thank you for checking in on me and hope you’re doing ok too.

  104. abba_wabba +23

    I saw Prince just a year or two ago at (ugh) Foxwoods Casino (which felt like being inside of a very bizarre space station). But he was AMAZING! He danced the entire time, jumped off various pieces of the stage set, leapt across the stage, gave props to his amazing all lady band, was just a beacon of energy, light, life.

    And, oh yeah, Janelle Monae opened for him and they ended the night singing Purple Rain together.

  105. Ethylbenzene +22

    Here is a comprehensive list of all the feelings I have and will have for the foreseeable future:

    *Too Much Hair
    *Prince
    *Hockey
    *Hungry
    *Asleep

    That is all.

    1. sourwatermelons +6

      Literally exact same except add “Wanting to be Asleep” and “Allergies”.

  107. sarahkoster4 +7

    Dear toasties,
    What is your favorite YA “coming of age” novel, or a novel you felt shaped your sense of self when you were an early teen?

    I’m a middle school teacher who has miraculously been given funding to buy lots of books for book clubs around different themes. Which books changed your lives?

    1. aintnothingtoit +6

      The Watsons Go to Birmingham: 1963. That book. That booooooook. It has my heart.

    3. freshwaterpearl +6

      Oh, I love this question! Personal favorites: the Enchanted Forest Chronicles by Patricia C. Wrede, Wise Child and Juniper by Monica Furlong, Robin McKinley’s fairy tale retellings especially Rose Daughter, and of course Madeleine L’Engle.

      Shannon Hale wasn’t publishing yet during my adolescence, but her books are lovely. The Goose Girl and Book of a Thousand Days are my personal favorites; Princess Academy won a Newbery Honor.

    4. SmrtCookie +6

      Seconding Madeleine L’Engle. Also Cynthia Voigt. Libba Bray came way after middle school for me but I think I would have liked them just as much then.

    5. shartbreaker +6

      His Dark Materials. For sure.
      Also, a tip for making that funding stretch–my middle school reading teacher used her own money to supplement the incredibly tiny Accelerated Reading library by buying used paperbacks off the internet.

    6. LeenyRose +4

      Thirding Madeleine L’Engle. Also, in different ways: A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, The Giver, almost anything by Katherine Patterson but especially Bridge to Terabithia, oh my gosh, can I join your book club?

    7. thenotestaken +2

      I loved Rules of the Road by Joan Bauer–I think I read a couple of her books at that age but that was the one that stood out to me!

    8. naglayaxuliganka +2

      Fifthing Madeleine L’Engle, specifically A Ring of Endless Light. Also it might be a bit old (I was assigned it in high school, but I think it would work for seventh or eighth grade), but Cold Sassy Tree.

    9. actualmeg +4

      -anything by Tamora Pierce or Robin McKinley
      –Speak by Laurie Halse Andersen
      -His Dark Materials trilogy by Philip Pullman
      –I Capture the Castle by Dodie Smith
      –The Mixed-Up Files.. and The View from Saturday by E. L. Konigsberg
      –Ballet Shoes and its various sequels/companion books, by Noel Streatfeild

    10. coloredlights +3

      Diane Duane’s So You Want to be a Wizard series. The later ones (the series is ongoing) aren’t quite as good, but the first 3 or 4 are amazing and were super important to me around age 12-13.

    11. Nausikaa +3

      The Long Secret, by Louise FItzhugh – this was probably the first book i ever read that pointed out, very matter-of-factly, that nobody’s obliged to love their parents, and I remember thinking what an important message that was.
      Libby on Wednesday, by Zilpha Keatley Snyder – it’s about a group of kids who want to be writers, and one thing I loved about it, as a kid, was that every member of the group was genuinely talented. I appreciated that the writer didn’t want me to laugh at their efforts, but rather to respect them.
      The Eagle of the Ninth and The Lantern Bearers by Rosemary Sutcliff – just great books in every way.
      Taste of Salt by Frances Temple, although it’s now very dated – at the time she wrote it, she thought Jean-Bertrand Aristide was going to be another Mandela, and instead he turned out to be just one more corrupt politician. But it’s a really good book.
      Izzy, Willy-Nilly by Cynthia Voigt – I like it way better than any of the Dicey books, though those are better-known.
      The Graveyard Book by Neil Gaiman came along too late for me to read it as a teen, but I love it and want to buy it for everyone.
      The Singing Tree by Kate Seredy – it’s the sequel to The Good Master, and it’s about the effects of WWI on a Hungarian farming community, and it’s one of the more powerful antiwar books I’ve ever read. She published it in 1939, just before the start of WWII, and you can tell – there’s an urgency to the book’s plea for tolerance and peace that’s really heartbreaking.
      And if we’re talking about books that changed my life – Puck of Pook’s Hill and Rewards and Fairies, by Rudyard Kipling. They’re both collections of loosely connected short stories set in Sussex and covering thousands of years of English history. They’re not as well known as the Jungle Books, but the story that sucked me in and made me a Kipling fan for life is “The Knife and the Naked Chalk” from Rewards and Fairies – it’s got an atmosphere to it that I’ve never found anywhere else.
      And finally, a writer who was popular when I was a kid, but who died young and who seems to have been forgotten – Anne Lindbergh. Not to be confused with her mother, Anne Morrow Lindbergh. My favorite book of hers is “Three Lives to Live” – it’s charming and moving and gently satirical and turns on a really original magical gimmick.

    12. Meenalives +1

      Any of Nnedi Okorafor’s YA books. I think Zahrah the Windseeker and Akata Witch would be particularly good for kids (I only read them last year, but I love them). Make sure they’re her YA books, though. Who Fears Death is a great book, but definitely Not For Kids.

  108. jenavira +20

    Today needs to calm down of weird shit. So far it’s been:

    *waking up to a text from new work friend asking me if I would consider dating them (to which the answer is no, I am aromantic, thank you for being as not weird about this as possible but this conversation was always going to be a little weird)
    *no less than four police officers today (separate ones!) investigating a foot fetishist who caused an incident on Wednesday (public libraries, y’all)
    *a patron who wanted to yell at someone because landscapers were spraying the lawn
    *two separate supervisors quietly freaking out in my general direction because of the aforementioned ongoing police investigation
    *and tonight we’re hosting a socialization session for kids on the spectrum, which is totally going to be a relaxing way to round out the day

    Naturally I am the person in charge of the library tomorrow, and all I have to say is, shit had better be DONE by the end of tonight because I am planning to be hungover when I come in tomorrow morning.

  109. mydonkeyfeet +11

    I received my very first Toast Post! Thank you N from Wisconsin! (I don’t know your last name or Toast name, but yay librarians and toddlers and husbands with beer! I mean only husbands with beer. Well, librarians too. No beer for toddlers.) (I don’t really care for beer, but I would love to eat some sausage and cheese.)

  110. Heathered +4

    Meant to mention that I got my Toast Post list, and hadn’t realized this whole new rigamarole with Forever stamps means international mail is now more complicated, so I had to order stamps by mail in order to send out my Toast Post! Be patient, world of Toasties, things will be coming soon.

  111. Peapod +3

    I rarely comment so I forgot my login! Posting as a guest. Toasties, I’m expecting a baby girl in August! Will you weigh in on my baby name short list? Last name is germanic and one syllable, starting with N. Names in consideration: Genevieve (probably with the middle name Grace, both are family names, Gigi for short), Eleanor (seems to be trending, also husband hated it at first and now likes it, but I might have been turned off it by him!), Laurel, Celeste. Any stand out to you? Do they spark any names I should consider?

    1. melodieroschman +2

      Oooh, I am quite fond of Genevieve. When I was little and I played with Barbies the two posh ones were always named Alexandria and Genevieve. So 8-year-old me would very much approve.

    2. OliviaPJones +1

      If you’re definitely going with Grace as the middle name, I like the sound of Genevieve Grace or Laurel Grace the best. But congrats to you! You must be so excited about your August baby!

    4. ThatBassett +1

      Genevieve is my #1 baby name for if I ever have a girl!

      But I like all of those 🙂 I love the old-fashioned names that make a comeback.

    1. brasspaperclip +1

      I was so annoyed! At first I was like, Yay, Prince footage I haven’t seen! Then, wtf are these weird old white dudes talking? Shut up and quit trying to make it about you, weird old white dudes!

  113. MallorySK +5

    I am still so, so upset.

    I’m from the Twin Cities. Prince is IT for Minnesotans. He is our image, he is part of our identity, he played such a huge role in establishing art and music in Minneapolis where it is now so central. He’s been the ultimate for me since I can remember.

    I got to see Prince play twice, once at the 21 Night Stand at the Forum, which was great, but the best was at Coachella in 2008. It was the show of a lifetime. He showed up super late, the grounds were empty except for almost every attendee extending forever from the Prince stage. He played Creep by Radiohead. I slow-danced with a stranger to Purple Rain. It was the best thing I’ve ever seen.

    This year I took 2 first dates to see showings of Purple Rain.

    I have never felt this way about the death of a person I did not directly know. I am devastated. I hurt. This is so, so awful.

    Prince was never supposed to die. We are all missing so much.

  114. packedsuitcase

    I'm totally going to try this once my health insurance with my employer comes through. I currently have a cystic zit right on my cheek and I'm hating pretty much everything about it right now.

  115. bookwormV

    Well, my dissertation was on the treatment of LGBTQ topics in UDC, so I wasn't completely abandoning queer content!

  116. packedsuitcase

    Oh, I'm a terrible case study – I had hormonal acne already so going off the pill just took me back to the hellish landscape that was my skin pre-pill. I got my first IUD six or seven years ago, I am now down to one cystic zit/month.

  117. Lilyl

    I am a Minnesotan who lives in Minneapolis and has a ton of family lore about Prince… and I was in Florida for several days after it happened. It was so hard to be not home and see the media and of course my social media circle light up purple. I missed most of the public mourning period and I feel weirdly super emotional about that.