I don’t want to talk about other ads you think are just as bad or worse. I want to talk about how much I hate this one. Last night Gene Demby made me realize I am not alone in this.
You’ve seen it, right? They won’t stop playing it on Hulu, so I’ve seen it at this point roughly 30 times. Here it is, if you haven’t suffered already:
My thoughts, in no particular order:
– Why is it called “More Than Brains”? The whole point of the commercial seems to be “You’ve underestimated me in assuming I haven’t brains, when in fact I have plenty.” What is the “more than” brains in question? Also, that makes it sound like the song it’s riffing on is “More Than Words.” Which it isn’t!
– That goddamn VOICE. It’s lilting and yet hostile? Syrupy sweet but fucking poison. It’s the little girl in a horror movie who wants you to come play with her…forever. Who are you mad at? Why are you positing the audience as your enemy? I NEVER TOLD YOU THAT YOU COULDN’T GO TO SCHOOL. WHY ARE YOU MAD AT ME, EVIL REGINA SPEKTOR?
– “Life’s short, talk is cheap, I’ll be working while you sleep…[silent for an entire measure, now suddenly spoken word] Still don’t think I’ve got a brain?” THAT DOESN’T SCAN
– NONE OF THESE NEW LYRICS SCAN
– All of the actors keep looking smugly and aggressively at the camera and then smile directly at us, the viewer, who they are presumably trying to recruit, WHILE ALSO SUGGESTING THAT WE ARE THE ONES WHO HAVE BEEN KEEPING THEM DOWN
– FOR-PROFIT COLLEGES ARE PREDATORY AND MERCENARY AND THEY GOUGE THEIR STUDENTS AND NOW THEY ARE TRYING TO POSE AS UNDERDOGS? FUCKING NOPE
– One lady is breastfeeding at a diner while also clicking ONE key on her computer with this look on her face like, “Yep, hacked into the mainframe” and I resent this scene because I feel exquisitely played, like a harp
– “I took two bullets in the chest” WHAT? WHEREFORE? WHO? WHAT BULLETS? There is just this throwaway line about being shot in the chest and then we’re off to bragging about she never rests, WHICH IS NOT A GOOD THING
– THIS COMMERCIAL REINFORCES BOOTSTRAPISM
– “GOT THREE KIDS, I NEVER REST…AND I’VE ALSO GOT A BRAIN” DOESN’T SCAN EITHER
– “You think a resume’s enough, who’ll step up when things get rough, don’t you want that kind of brain” WHAT KIND
– “A degree is a degree, you’re gonna want someone like me…but only if YOU have a brain” WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF TAUTOLOGY IS THIS? ALSO NO SCANNING
– That constant switch between yodeling and whisper-spitting makes me feel like the original script for this commercial was just my old roommate who was super into mushrooms telling me I’m sheeple for eight minutes
– Don’t do this. Don’t ever do this. Why is this scene in the commercial? Are we supposed to laud this rude woman’s dismissive-as-shit “ONE SECOND” finger as somehow a sign of her persistence and stick-to-it-iveness? Ma’am, the library is CLOSED. You do not get special library hours just because you go to college. This security guard is doing his JOB and his shift is probably ending and he wants to go home and you can’t even use your words to tell him “I’m just wrapping up, thanks”? You SHUSH him with your FINGER like he’s a child? That’s racist as hell, rude as shit, and bad for people who work in libraries all over this country.
I hate this commercial. This commercial is the poundcake speech and someone telling a high school sophomore her outfits are too distracting and predatory lending policies and your uncle who says that if “he can make it, anyone can” and that’s why food stamps should be illegal, all in three minutes and capped off with an insult to the great Ray Bolger. Someone please register my official complaint with the Bureau of Commercial Dislike. Thank you for your time.
IT
IS
THE
WOOOOOOOOORST
I hate it even more than the viagra ads I get while streaming Supergirl. EVEN MORE THAN BONER-PILL ADS. It’s THAT BAD.
I LOVE Samantha Bee’s new show, but the ads for it are always this or Viagra and it’s like the internet is trying to negate her message through commercials.
Ironically, there’s a hilarious bit in Samantha Bee’s book about the time when she worked reception at an erectile dysfunction clinic.
Right and also WHO DO THEY THINK WATCHES SUPERGIRL?! I always wonder that when I, too, get those ads.
“WHY ARE YOU MAD AT ME, EVIL REGINA SPEKTOR?” Mallory, I’m dead
I just want to point out that most US 2 and 4 year colleges *do* actually make their libraries available to students until very late at night, and in many cases 24 hours, because they understand that many students need access to the library late at night.
So even in its attempt to play you, this commercial is showing you how crappy the University of Phoenix is.
When I was in my final year there my Oxford college made provisions for 24-hour library access (not the whole college library. Just a room, somewhere in college, where people could study), and it was a very big deal. No more all-nighters in your room, with the lure of the bed! Drag yourself to the 24-hour study room instead!
I did an MA at UCL last year, and worked at the library until closing time one Sunday (about 9pm?). It was a complete mess; to get out, you had to swipe your ID card and go through a barrier, of which there was only one. There was a queue of people on the stairs leading to the exit that I was stuck in for about 15 minutes. Basically, we in the UK are clearly lagging behind the US when it comes to library access.
(That said, as someone whose job it frequently is to get people out of the library so we can close, DO NOT TAKE FOREVER TO PACK UP AND GO. We helpfully give 15-minute and 5-minute warnings and yet I still get people who do not even start getting ready to leave until we have already got to closing time. I am only technically paid until 8pm! I don’t want to stand around waiting for you to decide you’re ready to go!)
I used to be the person who got to walk around the library 15 minutes before closing with a motherfucking bullhorn. It was fun. I had a whole little speech going and everything.
My library just flicks the lights off at 15 & 5 minutes, with a gentle announcement. A motherfucking bullhorn is awesome.
I am imagining you singing “closing time” with the bullhorn in the library and it is delightful.
We have a foghorn under the circ desk but I’ve never had the guts to use it. I’m jealous.
Library workers everywhere are so jealous of that bullhorn!
Uni of Sheffield has an amazing 24-hour library which opened when I was there way back in 2008! I’m suddenly quite proud of my alma mater!
I am very envious! (I left Oxford in 2011, so maybe there are more 24-hour libraries there now, but I doubt it.)
I am going to York next week, but came very close to choosing to visit Sheffield; clearly I am missing out.
No more all-nighters in your room, with the lure of the bed!
Drag yourself to the 24-hour study room instead!
This (probably inadvertent) rhyme scans better than the rhymes in the commercial’s song.
I get a PA at work, so I do level 11 Mom Voice at 30 minutes, 15 minutes, and 5 minutes and STILL HAVE TO SHUFFLE PEOPLE OUT. Oh my god, you know we’re closed. I told you. Stop being petty and leave, the wifi works outside of the building.
I feel like you should say those exact words next time. Because DAMN, get out, stupids! Go back to the jerkstore factory from which you came!
I am quietly laughing to hear this is a recent experience:
As part of my library degree at a UK institution (about 10 years ago now), we went on a tour of UCL’s jazzy new library. The lady leading the tour told us about how they had extended hours because “especially the North American students” were really pushing for it. The group leaders were awed at this level of service and flexibility.
As the only USAian in the group, (and with a rep for complaining about service at our institution and library), all my classmates turned and waited for my response. Really, what are you going to say, though. I think I went with “Yea, that’s pretty standard.”
“We are now open during the hours many students are studying! Look at our amazing service and dedication!”
Oh, UCL. I know it’s meant to be really good, but the basic facilities/administration were a mess. (My teaching was great, though!)
Darlings, dedication to customer service is not really what the British *do*.
(full disclosure: ex-pat USAsian who studied in Scotland)
During finals, my college has ALL NIGHT CANADAY (Canaday being the main library on campus) and it is just the hub for life during finals. So much so that at least amongst my friends, it became a sort of celebratory thing when all night Canaday would begin. So now I have a celebratory feeling to the idea of 24 hour libraries, but actually at the time I was exhausted and delusional and writing finals.
Gasps. Fellow Mawrter!
ANASSA KATA!
We even give a 30 minute warning on top of the 15 and 5! This is the part of the commercial that makes me the most mad. I even have Mr. Worms fuming at it after all my rage-rants.
Does the University of Phoenix even have a library? I thought it’s whole schtick was that it did not physically exist? If so, that would mean that girl is using some other uni’s resources and ALSO being a racist douchenozzle about it.
They definitely have classrooms in a big soulless corporate building in Phoenix, AZ. Can’t say for the rest of the country.
They also have a big soulless corporate STADIUM in Arizona! Because they’re a for-profit company with an interest in buying brand exposure on the backs of both professional and real collegiate athletes who aren’t paid for their labor.
A+ neg on pro sports
It was really confusing when they became the stadium sponsor because the whole reason they build the fancy stadium was that the Cardinals thought they were too good to play at ASU’s stadium. At least, that is how I understood it. I don’t really follow sports, I just know I couldn’t park in the lot I had paid for when the Cardinal’s were playing.
There’s a big University of Phoenix office-type building near my Houston suburb, which I googled just now and seems to only be classroom spaces.
They have big soulless corporate campuses in office parks, but no library that I’ve heard of.
I always thought the deal with this shot was that she’s doing her Phoenix schoolwork at a public library — which is why it’s closing. That kinda makes it even worse though!!
“The GOVERNMENT kicks you out of physical buildings at a certain hour. But since UoPhoenix is all-oniine, you can stay up all night studying after you finish your 10-hour shift, you go-getter, you.”
Apparently they do have an online library. I’m not sure why that surprises me.*
*It’s because it’s slight evidence that the University of Phoenix cares at all about academics, which I refuse to believe.
Possibly for accreditation purposes?
As someone who works at a NOT-FOR-PROFIT online school, I extra special HATE University of Phoenix even without this commercial, because they give online colleges a bad name and they’re money-mongering trash.
But this commercial makes it extra worse.
I would like to know more about the school you work for, please!
I don’t want to name it here because I try to keep the work/personal stuff separate if I can, but it’s a regionally accredited online state school, not-for-profit, relatively affordable (compared to for-profit schools especially, but in general to most standard 4-year schools), and pretty open and flexible regarding non-traditional sources of credit. We currently only offer associates and bachelors (and some certificate), but we’re adding a Masters degree very shortly. (I personally got my AA and BA here both while working full time).
If you (or anyone else!) has any questions, you can email me! I’m alliana07(AT)gmail(DOT)com.
Ooo, I think I met a guy from there at a conference a while back! He was super-smart and super-dedicated and super-bummed from people comparing his school (does it have a bus that travels to recruit students?) to University of Phoenix. I felt bad for him.
I don’t think it’s my school (we’re not big enough to have a bus unfortunately!), but he sounds like he COULD work here, haha. A lot of us non-for-profit online schools commiserate rather similarly.
I am about to start at a school that is similar to yours (WGU) and I am genuinely excite. I should hopefully pay $6k to finish my bachelors, get a bunch of decent IT noob certifications, and do it in a way that accommodates my disabilities easily. I am so excite.
Flexible non-profit schools can be amazing for working adults, especially when you have some brain weird. For-profit schools need to cease existing ASAP.
I did my BSN completion at WGU and while it’s not flawless, it compared very favorably with the big state school and community college where I did my non-nursing and associates nursing studies. Especially for the price!
I’m not sure how well their model would transfer to complete beginners in a subject, but if you already know a lot about your field from years of work and need the degree for employment purposes, the competency-based structure is AWESOME. I spent weeks on some courses, but the course in the specialty I had been working in for years at that point I was able to test out of with one afternoon of study, instead of wasting a semester in a class I could be teaching.
Oh yes, WGU! That’s a really nice liberal sort of non-traditional online school, very flexible, I’m glad you found a place that works so well for you! (My only comment about them otherwise is they have their own sort of flexible method of things that works great if you stay there for your entire degree, but not as well if you decide to leave and transfer somewhere else. Not because there’s anything ‘wrong’ with them, they just have a unique method of coursework and such that doesn’t transfer as well.)
Yes, exactly. I don’t mind the idea behind the commercial — bootstrapism aside — that people who want to go to school should be able to, and there should not be stigma attached to having worked your way through an online degree! That seems great! But people don’t dislike University of Phoenix because it’s an online school, they dislike it because it’s a dung pile, and so I HATE that all their ad campaigns posit them as the poster child of online continuing education x-(
Yeah, the problem is that a LARGE part of the stigma attached to online degrees is precisely because of UofP and schools like them! Ugh. I’ve worked here 6 1/2 years (and earned an AA and BA here in that time too) and still when I say it’s an online school I get “oh, like University of Phoenix”? NO.
I have never seen this commercial but now I hate it too.
ME TOO
Actually I kind of want to watch it so I can hate on it even harder, but I’m on my phone and don’t want to watch it badly enough to waste data on it.
“People who work in librarians” is an excellent typo though Mallory
as a librarian, i fondly appreciate those good folks who work in me
I too as a librarian, appreciate people working in me! I am the macrocosm!!
This is mostly why I am working on my MLS. I hear the folks that work in librarians are top notch!
I didn’t have the words to express why I didn’t like this, I just knew that I HATED it. Thank you Mallory! It is truly awful (and the singing *is* creepy)
THANK YOU!
No commercial makes me as white-hot angry as this one does, for all of these reasons.
It’s a shame that the title “More Than Brains” was claimed by this commercial instead of somebody doing a cover of “More Than This” sung from the point of view of a zombie.
You can actually kind of pretend that this whole “song” is about a zombie! It explains the whole two-bullets-in-the-chest section pretty well.
Puts a new twist on the ‘only if YOU have a brain’ line.
I will try to hear the song this way from now on and see if that helps.
Now I rather desperately want to see the iZombie cast take on any of these. It would be delightful.
Yeah man it just seems really mean like, lady I get that you’re working hard and probably even harder than me, but I didn’t say you weren’t smart! There’s no need to be a dick about this, I respect your efforts and even advocate for government-subsidized childcare in order to make it easier for you to go to school if you want to!
it seems, I guess, cynically calculated to appeal to resentment and then present it as a kind of superiority of character that I think is only going to make the world worse.
It’s aligning “You think I’m not college material? FUCK YOU.” with “You think for-profit college is a bad idea? FUCK YOU.”
yeah and like if a guy is coming to any argument from a place of “what, you think you’re better than me?” that’s not a conversation that’s going to go anywhere positive.
Wow, this is it exactly. Didn’t think I could think this ad was MORE evil than I already did…
University of Phoenix is so terrible that Alison over at Ask A Manager recommends TAKING IT OFF YOUR RESUME IF YOU GOT YOUR DEGREE THERE http://www.askamanager.org/2015/03/should-i-take-…
I feel like that’s what the “a degree is a degree” line is trying to hit back at, which is kind of aggressively defensive? Like, “ok so we’re terrible but HEY YOU GOT A DEGREE DIDN’T YOU and that’s ALL THAT MATTERS so stop being such a whiner about it already YEESH.”
“And since it’s all just a degree anyways, it’s actually smarter to go to UofP than one of those fancy “accredited,” “ranked” schools. See how much smarter you are than all those snobs who don’t respect you?”
My BFF worked there for a while and got her MBA from them. You know what that MBA got her? JACK SQUAT.
University of Phoenix? NAY!
DROP THAT SHIT FROM YOUR RESUME
something something brains
The OP went nuclear in the comments defending UoP (search for ‘Ruth’ if you’d like a look at the trainwreck.)
Holy cow, you weren’t kidding.
“and now you can all cheerfully tell me about how I should go to community college and relegate myself to permanent lower class status”
Hot damn. Well. I guess since I went to community college and didn’t even get a degree, I should probably prepare for my life on the streets, nothing to be done about it now. I mean. Too bad everything I learned fell straight out of my head because I didn’t get an expensive diploma to seal it in. Also too bad I’ll never learn anything again, not without someone who already has a degree to teach me, and especially not on my own.
I mean. I knew I was choosing to be poor when I went to community college. Somehow I managed to leave without “LOWER CLASS” branded across my forehead… should I go back, do you think, or do you only get that once you graduate?
[/snark]
She’s all salty and defensive over her expensive and apparently useless degree, but all I can think of is how I went to a CC and now have a BA and no debt. My grades at the CC were good enough that the state of California basically gave me a full ride. Sure, finding work is still hard, but again, I have no debt.
I went to a state college that was in a partnership with a community college and took one of my classes over at the community college. A of all, the state college degree got me into my dream job and past the median American income, and 2, the community college class was rigorous and I learned a lot. And iii, I don’t have a third point but I didn’t want to give up on that gag after only two.
Reading the comments from the OP…I’m half pitying her and yet I’m so AMUSED.
My cousin got her masters in education from UofP in 2007, in the hopes of moving up from teacher to principal in a major metropolitan school district.
She’s a basketball coach now.
I specifically hate this commercial for the A DEGREE IS A DEGREE line because it’s basically saying “you’re so smart, you’ll get a job despite going to shitty online school” which is NOT TRUE. It’s weirdly acknowledging all the (completely justified) bad press Phoenix has while also being like “eh, who cares, money please!”
this is the line i keep coming back to as well. “you just need a stupid piece of paper, may as well get it from us.” uh….neat selling point?
Yes! Makes it seem like just a piece of paper.
Wow.
I went to Western Governors University online because none of the local schools offered a postgrad major in secondary education, and there were 2 accredited online universities I could get it from (And U of P was more expensive). I dodged a major bullet there; WGU cared a lot and did their damnedest to make sure I actually learned what I needed to to EARN that degree.
But yes, “a degree is a degree” in a commercial for a college sends up major red flags.
$10 says the “bullets to the chest” is to appeal to U.S. Veterans who are 99% of who these predatory for-profit colleges target.
What’s fucked is so many community colleges have HUGE veterans support programs. Mine has special classes to help vets get through 100-level courses, free mental, physical, and dental health care services for vets, special low-noise non-PTSD-triggering lounges, extra financial aid, the works – programs that truly support vets instead of naked attempts to get extra federal dollars for having them present.
That sounds amazing. I’m so impressed.
Add this plank to your platform! This is AWESOME.
Yes! Take down predatory for-profit colleges! Please? 🙂
Yet another thing I wish I could do on the state level…
Mmm, sweet sweet GI Bill money.
YES came here to say that. They want that sweet sweet GI bill money. But wasn’t the government cracking down on GI Bill money going to for profit colleges? Or was that just in a pleasant fantasy in my head?
No! The Fed has been going after for-profits about that! It’s not just a dream. 🙂
Yup, that’s exactly how I interpreted that line.
The first few times I heard this commercial I wasn’t looking at the TV, and that line made me assume it was just a PSA about how businesses should hire Veterans. Like, trying to emphasize the huge skill set you can gain in the military, pushing back against the stigma that military people are less intelligent, etc.
Of course University of Phoenix would try to pander to Vets just to get money and leave them with a degree that is almost worse than no degree at all, because of the reputation associated with their criminal asses. Of fucking course they would.
There’s a Good Wife episode about that! She recruits students for a debt strike.
That one hasn’t been on here lately but ugh, yes. I loathe it. Particularly hate the library part because, as a librarian, I have to do a lot of shooing people out of my building when I close. It’s not like we don’t give warnings, but once I’ve got most of the lights out and you’re the only asshole still in the building holding the rest of us up, you don’t get to tell us to wait.
If it was after closing time and someone told me to wait to close up, I would be tempted to murder them.
Maybe that’s how the two bullets in the chest happened!
And a librarian would know exactly where to hide the body.
Under Dewey Decimal class 900. Because they’re history.
Burn
and it’s not like we relish kicking people out! we like students/patrons*! but you can’t stay there all night, bud
*well…. mostly
I always hate having to walk around to tell patrons to leave because, at that point of the evening, my “I’m a nice person who is just here to help you” mode is rapidly disappearing. Most of the time when I go out at a quarter til to tell people to pack up, I just tell them they have 10 minutes so they (might) move quicker. Sometimes it works. Other times it’s these time-wasting bastards who sit there until we shut the lights off and have to tell them we are closed. Kinda wish we had a PA system but those ones don’t listen anyway.
We do stay open all night during Dead Week and finals, too! And we’re open till 1 am most nights the rest of the time!
Yeah, we start making announcements half an hour before we close, and you get like four of them. We can’t leave till the building closes either. We all want to go home, MA’AM.
We do between 2-3 but if I do the quarter til closing warning, I just tell them they have ten minutes. Ideally I want everyone out five minutes til closing just so we don’t have to stand around waiting and that the circ desk can get their tills put away and shut down their computers.
We do the announcements and blast music at 5 minutes until closing. It ranges from Phantom of the Opera to Closing Time, and mostly works. Sometimes people complain, but we smile and say “Time to go!”
Seriously, I cannot imagine looking at that one asshole and thinking “OoooooOOOOoooohhh, what a smart and hard-working individual! Let’s all stay late and marvel at their work ethic!”
Liking this comment and all the replies in solidarity. When I was young and green I did miss trains because of inconsiderate patrons who would not hear the words “I’m sorry but we really have to close up now”, and it all just makes me respect my new-ish colleague, who is perfectly nice and perfectly implacable about things like the audio lab closing fifteen minutes before the library does, even *more*.
Oh man, this is reminding me of my job at my school’s library which, on reflection, I can’t believe they paid me for. We totally made announcements for people to scram but we got to have fun with it, telling people that the flesh eating robots housed on the fourth floor were released promptly at 10, the velociraptors on two were now fully grown and ready to feed. I don’t think it actually got people to leave but hey, might as well have a good time.
I just love (hate) how they slipped “A degree is a degree” in there. Reminds me of the tagline from that Checker’s campaign from a while ago: “You gotta eat!”
I guess when your product is terrible, the best you can hope for is to be undifferentiated from your competitors.
Although come to think of it, this does open some exciting new advertising possibilities for other industries.
Fillmore Hospital: What, you’re gonna have the ambulance drive you halfway across town to the university hospital?
Airport Plaza Jewelers: Look, it’s a diamond. You think they’re gonna check exactly how many karats it’s got?
Airlines: Look a plane’s a plane, does it matter if it only has one engine and the seats have lice?
I think it was Budweiser that had the tagline “Drinkability” on one of its ads. Congrats, your beer is not completely undrinkable, I guess.
“People are throwing a lot of words around about light beers these days. ‘Low calorie.’ ‘Smooth finish.’ ‘Refreshing taste.’ Well, Budweiser is not currently subject to any FDA recall orders. Bud Light: Not legally disapproved for consumption by the public.”
I like the new Miller Lite commercial that’s overly defensive about how they spell it “lite” and claim that it’s because they had the first light beer, and therefore it is best. I’ve seen it like 90 times and still don’t get the logic. Literally DRINK THIS OLD BEER, WE SPELL LIGHT WRONG IN ALL OF OUR BRANDING BECAUSE IT’S COOLER THAT WAY, OK!!!
There have been a couple of REALLY defensive Chipotle commercials on the radio around here recently, and they don’t even have anything to do with the food poisoning issue – the one I heard yesterday was about how they don’t do breakfast because they already have to start prep at 7 AM, and if they did breakfast, they’d have to be there even earlier! And I was like, yep, that’s how food service works, and it’s not particularly outrageous? (As long as you’re paying your employees fairly and treating them well, of course, which is not a given).
There was another one about how they don’t have carnitas because they couldn’t find sufficiently ethical pork, which is a perfectly acceptable choice but a weird thing to spend advertising dollars on. And the tone was super condescending and defensive.
Chipotle: Look, we’re doing are best, okay? What else do you want from us.
It’s a liquid, not a solid! We must get some points for that.
I mute the sound when adverts come on (if watching computer-based stuff) or change the channel (if watching TV) and this makes me feel very comfortable with that decision. (My partner did not grow up immediately changing the channel when adverts come on, and is horrified by my habit of changing the channel, watching something else for a few minutes, and then changing back; he worries I will miss the thing starting again and cannot understand how I can watch two things at once. See also: watching the same film across two different channels, one an hour behind, and trying to join the pieces into a coherent narrative.)
On the plus side, this reminds me of the adverts for Greendale Community College, which fill me with joy.
My family has been conditioned to live in such terror of my demands that they instantly mute all commercials that they hand the remotes to me the moment I enter the room.
Which is as it should be. None of them can wield the things with my precision.
Some of the ads don’t respond to that, though. There’s that Jennifer Garner Capital One commercial, and I’ve muted my computer but it still makes sound. I have no idea how they achieve this wizardry, and it makes me angry.
Oh yeah, my family has been allergic to commercials for a long time, so now when I actually have to sit through them someplace, they are extra terrible.
Ugh, thank you! I’m sharing this with everyone I know.
The bullet line makes more sense if you know that the University of Phoenix’s mascot is The Multiple Gunshot Victim
I feel like a terrible human being for snorting at this
I have to change the channel when this commercial comes on because I have such a visceral reaction to everything about it. The only other ad that has come close to making me as angry is this gem of a paper towel commercial: http://www.splendad.com/ads/show/2493-Bounty-One-…
If ever I have a SO and a child, if they are the sorts to stare at a spilled soda making its way toward the rug and calculating how many paper towels *I* am going to have to use to clean it up instead of dashing for a towel like a good citizen, they will be left to sleep on the porch.
I had never seen that before and now I’m FULL OF RAGE. I’m with amphora–anything spills in my family and it’s everybody run around like crazy to find the paper towels/dog towels/whatever and mop.
Normally I like Regina Spektor but this is like a malicious parody of Regina Spektor. It’s a soulless clone created by a marketing agency because they were like “Who is Hip and Offbeat and Down With The Kids these days?” And they plugged that question into their supercomputer and this voice is what popped out.
Much like the Kimya Dawson sound-a-like on this Prius commercial… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Tq0ExGmg-CQ
Or the Kimya Dawson sound-alike on this Truvia commercial… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DNgr_KnLnJU
Holy shit, that Truvia commercial is such a nightmare I just went back and watched the U of P commercial again to get “you made my BUTT fat” out of my head.
The singer is apparently someone called Roarke.
Here is a list of the responsible parties: http://www.adweek.com/agencyspy/180la-debuts-its-…
I tried Googling Roarke and all I got was some hunky dark-haired dude from a TV show about death or something?
Different Roarke: https://www.facebook.com/thisisroarke/
What I hate most – and I considered making a burner to admit this – is that IT GETS ME EVERY TIME. That woman breastfeeding while she studies in the diner? WEEPING. Weeping for all of the people who are out there legitimately working their asses off to better their lives in this fucked up system we call a country, and then weeping because of all the people out there blowing their fucking money on a worthless ass Phoenix degree. If this was for my local community college it would have my heart.
But fuck that bitch in the library. Seriously. So rude.
Right?? Like if the song were even just the tiniest bit better and didn’t have the weird creepy speak-y parts I’d be all on board this sinking University of Phoenix ship. It’s very manipulative.
Yes- I hate them even MORE for making me care about the man and his mom, where he helps her into her wheelchair and goes off to work with a worried face. TO HELL WITH THIS AD.
THIS. I get super emotional at this commercial, and then hate it even more because it’s for such a horrible scam artist organization that takes advantage of vulnerable people who are trying to make their lives better, and who would be so much better off going to community college instead.
The “two bullets in the chest” thing is because for-profit colleges target vets. That’s what’s so insidious about them, and about this ad–they market themselves to people who are usually left out of the American College Dream, saying, “We see that you’re smart, and we’ll accept you even if your grades weren’t perfect and no one in your family ever went to college, and you’ll get a degree that will change your life.” Except what you’ll actually get is massive amounts of debt and a degree that a lot of professionals will dismiss as crap. It’s exploitive and shitty, and it works because traditional colleges don’t go out of their way to welcome non-traditional students.
Oh Gaaawwwdddd!!!!
For profit schools are scum!!!! Run, breast-feeding mom! Before they suck you dry!
So to speak.
As academic-library people, I can confirm that online-university students mooching at my private institution are super annoying…
I’m surprised to see this! Is there something specific that these students do that’s annoying?
For example (as dramatized in the ad, but actually a TRUE STORY): “We’ve been closed for ten minutes, it’s time to go” “Just a minute.” “Um, no.”
As a library staffer, I am ashamed and embarrassed that anyone in my field begrudges *any* patron, regardless of where they come from.
It isn’t necessarily “begrudging”*- a library is funded only from the fees of its own students, so it needs to be run mainly for their benefit. If it’s exam crunch time and your seats are full of visitors using all the most popular textbooks, that’s a legit problem.
*though there are patrons who get the service I’m paid to give them and not.one.dot.more, because they’re selfish gits who make life harder for their fellow students (and the staff).
As I tweeted in response to Mallory’s twitter rant last night, this is the logical successor to TIAA-CREF’s ad from 10+ years ago set to “Somewhere” from West Side Story. I love that song and I like TIAA-CREF just fine, but I would yell at the TV “Do not compare my retirement savings to Tony and Maria’s star-crossed love! That did not end well!”
And this is the UK version of that musical disconnect:-
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r_3hvReCrfk
They used a woolly version of a song about being brought low and having to be a prostitute in 19th century France to sell a TV service. And the visuals seem to liken rival TV services to the Nazis! WTF!
I COSIGN THIS.
And also can we also hate on BANK OF AMERICA and WELLS FARGO ads trying to talk to us like they’re JUST FOLKS with JUST FOLKSY EVERYDAY CHARM just DOIN BUSINESS and it makes me yell NUH-UH TOO BIG TO FAIL you took your TARP MONEY and then FORECLOSED ON PEOPLE so let’s not with the pretending you’re not PREDATORY and MERCENARY.
*deep breaths*
and a degree is not a degree, not when we’re comparing for-profit with non-profit. C’mon, we know this.
I’m glad to have found a community of like-minded people who despise this commercial. I have hated it since the first time I saw it, and Hulu just won’t stop with it.
Amen to all of this.
Also, if a “degree is a degree” then go to your local community college and get one for A FRACTION of the cost of whatever you would’ve paid these money launderers. They too have flexible course hours and a little something called financial aid.
And yes Mallory is so right about BOOTSTRAPPING. This makes my blood boil. That white woman in the library? Glad she could afford child care or whatever the hell she needed for a second of peace to “focus” on her “studies” and rudeness. Also the man boxing? The one who was shot? Was this supposed to imply he was a veteran? Because man needs to use those benefits at an actual accredited institution.
And please tell me it’s not actually Regina Spektor- just some poor almost-Regina manufactured in a creepy doll factory?
It’s definitely almost-Regina! I can recognize that woman’s voice anywhere, and it’s not her, I think. I hope. That would be a small mercy.
Commercializing Regina Spektor’s voice is to be reserved for the Prison Buddies theme and the Prison Buddies theme only. (NO ONE CAN MAKE ME STOP CALLING OITNB “PRISON BUDDIES” NO ONE)
Pretty sure Regina has a bit more of a brassy edge to her sound. Not much, just enough to be ever-so-slightly aggressive.
Seriously, for what that woman would be paying in childcare to be at the library, she could pay for a semester at my local community college. THINK ABOUT IT
It’s not, there’s a list of “credits” here: http://www.adweek.com/agencyspy/180la-debuts-its-…
Technically UofP is accredited. They’ve been sanctioned before, but they are still accredited (regionally, which is the important one) unfortunately… for now, anyway.
However there are lots of similar shark schools that are not accredited, but take advantage of students now understanding the levels of accreditation and how it all works. They’ll say they’re accredited because technically they are, but nationally, or at some lower ‘basic’ level, which doesn’t count in the same way. (I know because I am often the one who has to tell them, when they call my school wanting to transfer, that the 60 credits they paid for and worked so hard for won’t transfer to most four year colleges because the school they took them at is a for-profit, not-regionally-accredited evil villain of a school.)
THANK YOU SO MUCH. Dude. If you have three kids, you HAVE TO GET SOME SLEEP. I hate everything about this commercial.
I have never seen this ad until today, but I reactivated my long silent commenter profile here to say “A DEGREE IS A DEGREE” is the absolute worst thing in this commercial. That kind of thinking allows predatory degree mills to stay in business. And there’s not an employer on earth who will see your resume with that degree and think, oh right, cool, a BA, that’s a requirement checked off. Unless they perhaps think you’re from Arizona and University of Phoenix is a real institution.
My main takeaway from this: University of Phoenix doesn’t teach scansion.
Can I just say that upgrading to the commercial-free Hulu is honestly one of the best purchasing decisions I’ve made in the last year? I HIGHLY recommend it to everyone. It has improved my quality of life dramatically. I used to HATE seeing repeat commercials all the damn time and now I never do.
No kidding. I used to use Hulu only as a last resort because the ads drove me nuts (especially if you’re prone to binge watching and you see the same 3 ads every 15 minutes for hours on end even if you’ve nobody to blame but yourself), but now that there’s the commercial-free option, it’s the top of the list. Definitely worth the extra $4/month. Smart move, Hulu.
YES. THIS. The best $4 I spend every month.
ME TOO. Best decision I ever made. Better than a DVR because you don’t even have to fast forward!
Agree! Manipulative and gross and I actually never watched closely enough to catch the woman-being-douchey-in-the-library moment. “I work so hard I make *other* people work longer hours than they’re paid for” is not an honorable claim to make.
On a somewhat related note, I would be a fan of the Toast starting a Bureau of Commercial Dislike section for calling out shit like this. Unless you think talking trash about other terrible commercials somehow muddies the emphasis on how awful this one is.
Yes, this commercial is the creepiest worst nonsense.
But also! This post makes me feel feelings about being told my outfits were distracting in high school! You mean….it WAS bullshit? Too bad about all my years of shame!
So late to this party, but I am with you on this! It WAS bullshit and CREEPY bullshit at that. And years later, I went back to talk to the director of the school, not in an aggressive way, but in a gentle “Hey, here are some consequences that can happen when teenage girls internalize the message that their bodies are shameful, and I know you care about your students and wouldn’t want that to happen to them” sort of way. And I was basically told, “Oh we all know you were having sex with your boyfriend at the time, and that’s probably where that shame came from.” (I wasn’t, and even if I had been, just … no.)
YES this is everything. Also that stupid awful baby-voice song that makes no sense even gets me angry at the Wizard of Oz which is a bummer.
There are loads of ads with songs redone in breathy-baby-voices over here in the UK at the minute. They make me want to set fire to things and listen to more Rob Zombie.
Oh God, right? Here too! Ethereal whisper-sulk covers of every damned song that ever was. I am so done.
Did you hear the weird breathy version of The Power of Love that came out a few years ago? It was bizarre.
Awful waily nonsense!
I keep hearing,
“Life is short, talk is cheap
and I’d kill you in your sleep
oh, except I have a brain.”
THAT GIRL SHUSHING THE SECURITY OFFICER I CANNOT EVEN
Well, HE probably doesn’t have a DEGREE.
I said this on Twitter the other day and I’ll say it again: “A degree is a degree / You’re gonna want someone like me” is some Don Draper-level shiz. “They all cause cancer, but only yours is toasted!” I mean, I grudgingly give them credit for turning the trifecta of economic insecurity + holey social safety net + shrinking middle class into a narrative of heroic triumph over adversity.
I could add 10,000 more words straight from the heart of a professor at an underfunded state university with a spectacular faculty that serves 60% first-generation college students plus a lot of nontraditionals and veterans at super-low tuition rates and we still have students struggling with financial and family issues, working multiple jobs, etc. But Mallory’s already said it all better than I could.
This is a terrible ad for a school. But a FANTASTIC ad for a cult.
THANK YOU! This ad has ruined so many casual Hulu marathons for me.
It’s really a stealth add for paying extra for Hulu without commercials
There was a commercial here in Canada advertising a competition to be “the face” for First Choice Haircutters. In the commercial, a delivery guy is asking a female receptionist to sign this (a form), this (a form), and this (an 8×10 photo of the woman).
“That’s me!” she exclaims.
“I’m a huge fan,” he replies.
That she didn’t run away screaming and immediately get a restraining order is where this commercial went wrong.
http://strategyonline.ca/2016/01/06/first-choice-… (Video is embedded in the story.)
No. Absolutely no.
Ack! Missed the part where Mallory said she doesn’t want to talk about other bad ads! Sorry!
This commercial is widely vilified on Librarian Facebook. I feel so gratified that it’s the longest paragraph in Mallory’s rant.
Could you get me hooked into Librarian Facebook? That sounds like my kind of Facebook.
Search for ALA Think Tank and you’ll have more than enough librarianing mixed in with the occasional outrage.
There are two things I hate about this ad:
1. Every restaurant I’ve worked in, if a server was caught doing anything other than work on the clock, they’d be fired on the spot.
2. A friend of mine got taken by a culinary ed program at a for-profit school. She’s so excited because “it’s only $18,000!” for eight months! My master’s degree cost me less than that.
Noooooo!!! NO ONE should pay law-school rates for culinary school, especially if they are youngish persons actually looking to make a career in the restaurant/hospitality industries (as opposed to, say, a 45 year old financial analyst with a house and loads of savings who thinks it might be fun to start a little cupcake business). Tell your friend to get her ass to a good community college program. There are a lot of them out there; look for the ones with strong externships/job placements. Kitchen jobs never pay more than minimum ($15/hr if you’re lucky and/or live in a big city) to start and you have to pay your dues w/ shitty jobs for a while. Also, best investment (besides good knives and knowing how to sharpen them) is learning some basic finance stuff about food costs and how to manage inventory and purchasing. That’s the stuff that gets you kicked up to management in a restaurant or hotel.
The thing is, she’s a fantastically talented pastry chef who just needs to learn some basic skills. She could probably get a decent job based on her own merits without doing a program, if she found someone who was willing to mentor her. But she’s very stubborn and not very smart (but so kindhearted, you have no idea) and I do not think anyone can talk her out of this.
Frankly I’m just glad she’s offered to make my wedding cake for free.
Oof, culinary schools tend to slip under the radar. I think that a lot of people make excuses for them, because they aren’t like other for-profit schools that just mimic legit universities, but I’ve heard bad stories. A famous one just closed here in Portland due to the new laws against for-profit schools, and the news article about it had quotes from some alums lamenting it, but there was at least one guy going “yeah, I had to drop out because it was sucking me dry, not actually financially feasible without massive loans.”
Is this not actually an ad for becoming a zombie? A racist zombie?
Agreed on all these points. This commercial instituted a “mute during commercials” policy in my home – and so, I have become my mother.
My boyfriend pointed out that none of the things in this terrible song indicate any measure of intelligence or educational achievement. It’s anti-intellectual, anti-education bullshit.
You don’t need intelligence when you have BOOTSTRAPS.
Yes! Many of these traits/actions are admirable, but they don’t actually prove you are smart
Needs more ukulele.
…or cowbell.
I’m so glad to hear this commercial bugs other people too! I hate the line “I’ll be working while you sleep.” If you work a night shift, then presumably as someone who works during the day, I am also working while you sleep. If it means you work late into the evenings because you are so busy, so what? Maybe I don’t work late at night because I’m efficient at my job. You don’t know what my life is like.
On the subject of terrible commercials (YES THIS ONE) — can we also discuss online dating commercials?
I do NOT have a problem with online dating websites, I have a few friends who have made really happy, lasting relationships using them — but it’s the TONE and BELITTLING of the commercials that rile me! They’re almost ALWAYS directed at women, “Why haven’t you settled down yet? How many of your friends have gotten married? HOW OLD ARE YOU, SPINSTER WOMAN?” and making it seem like there’s something WRONG with you and you’re running out of Desirability Juice the longer you delay signing up for this website.
Why can’t it just be, “Hey, tired of running into the same people at the same bars and gigs? Here’s a fun, non-commital way to maybe meet new people outside of your normal circle!”
And now I’ve just gotten the “Farmers Only” dating site commercial in my head again. Which I swear to God began life as a sketch parody that someone took seriously.
Yes! That one is one of the worst — the ones I see are always the dude moaning on about how he can’t find a good country woman. I personally have never seen one that was aimed at helping women find a good partner who valued their lifestyle.
Here is the thing about the Farmer’s Only commercial that is so icky: they use a Grant Wood painting known as “American Gothic” as the basis of their logo. It’s that famous painting of a man and woman standing next to one another with the man holding a pitchfork. Trufax: that painting is of a father and a daughter, not a husband and wife.
:/ the models were the artist’s sister and his dentist–the sister later told people it was meant to be a farmer & his daughter, but apparently the artist was silent on that point: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/American_Gothic http://www.slate.com/articles/arts/art/2005/06/th…
Like that one where the woman sits down with the creator of eHarmony (that dusty old white dude) and he like chastises her for not putting enough effort into her online dating? Because she says she doesn’t want to complete their 20-hour-long personality questionnaire and he’s like, “Well how much time have you wasted on other sites????” and she’s like “HMM I GUESS.” The worst.
The one where the eHarmony guy is actually on the dates is creepy as fuck. The smarmy I-know-better-than-you paternalistic attitude is just so intolerable already, and the one where the little girl lisps about the hot babes, I just. Ugh.
There is a hilarious one talking about all the singles waiting for you in ~Europe~ that you can meet on their website. But it’s definitely geared towards men, which is surely why it isn’t weirdly hostile but also sounds a bit like they provide mail order brides from Sweden.
There has never been a dating site ad that would actually convince me to sign up though.
And that just reminds me of this State Farm ad. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v_CgPsGY5Mw BONJEWER.
The worst one of those is the Farmers Only commercial where this lecherous guy makes eyes at his wife while saying, “I’ve been around livestock all my life.”
EW EW EW EW EW EW No thanks I’m good
OMG please tell me this is not real.
D: D: D:
That commercial is so annoying, I didn’t even know what it was advertising.
Is it bad that I want to see a commercial like this for Trump University, for the sheer absurdity?
BAHAHAAHAHAha ha ha ha ha ohhhh sigh…
Not only is this the Worst Commercial Yet Made, it is also and forevermore The Worst Commercial EVER made. For all the reasons already stated.
I am 100% with you on this, and can we also talk about the absolute horrific failure of rhyme pattern? We just rhyme “brain” with “brain!” Over and over again! Every line is a hostility-laced self-rhyme! Gah!!
Look, it’s a for-profit university, but those profits don’t stretch far enough to hire skilled writers.
Right?! The original songwriter rhymed mouse with prowess in the follow-up song AND MADE IT WORK. It’s like the University of Phoenix doesn’t have a brain.
E.Y. Harburg was a brilliant lyricist and a valiant friend of the worker (who DID use brains and hard work and talent to escape poverty, and then did everything he could to build a better world without poverty and class-based injustice) and I do not like to think of what he would say to the ad co and the University of Phoenix if he could hear this. Edited to add: whom am I kidding? I would LOVE to hear what he would say! When extremely kindly and caring people lose it in a righteous cause it is awesome in both the slangy and old-fashioned senses of the word!
Why did you have to get this terrible jingle stuck in my damn head again?
(I seriously hate this commercial and I’m glad I’m not alone)
This ad makes me spit nails. Spit. Nails. “You’re better than all those lazy people out there who went to regular schools. Prove it by taking on ridiculous debt for our worthless degree!”
I didn’t realize it was actually Regina Spektor, though. That’s the worst.
Nooo, I don’t think it’s actually Regina Spektor! Just an evil version of her.
Whew!!!
In grad school, I was a reference assistant in the university library and closed it down by myself at 2AM on weeknights. I still have a deep dark pit full of seething resentment in my heart for the asshole undergrads who tried, again and again, to stay past closing time (and I gave them three warning announcements! three!!!).
YES. This commercial is soul-eroding toxic acid for all those reasons–and the fact that the liltiness gets earwormy and makes it soooo much harder to drown out. And it just makes me remember how much I despise U Phoenix. ARGH.
eta: also that goddamned “mortgage/forage” line. No.
Thank you so much for this. I hate this commercial with the passion of a thousand fiery suns. It is the most anti-intellectual/anti-information commercial for education in the world.
Speaking as a librarian, THANK YOU.
This is beyond terrible, far past the point where I can laugh at it. I can only hope it’s so transparently bad that it will manage to steer at least some people away from these frauds.
I mean they’re not even hiding it anymore. They’re actually selling the un-degree. The degree for people who are just too smart and cool to have a college degree. I don’t know how well it worked for citrus sodas in the ’90s, but I don’t see it working for them.
A degree is a degree. Never had it, never will.
I was so confused by that tagline about 7-Up when I was a kid and it was on TV. I literally thought they were saying if you’ve never had this soda you never will. Which is the opposite of the purpose of advertising, yes? I think I actually asked someone before I realized they meant caffeine.
So in this case caffeine = academic rigor.
I don’t even want to say that, because I think a degree is mostly valuable as a signal of education and people who have been duped by liars don’t deserve to wear it around their necks for the rest of their lives. But enough already.
It’s a heinous ad. But maybe we can talk about how wonderful Ray Bolger is. Like when he does this (I don’t know what else to call it but this, attempts to seduce a teenager with magical flamenco?) https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bDP0TWJSgDI
When in America, for work, my secret glee used to be watching the commercials (You have so many! They are so earnest! Huge lists of medical disclaimers read as quickly as possible are hilarious to me.)
But…see how I said “used to be”?
Last time I was there, I saw this ad.
It RUINED one of my simplest pleasures.
I am so glad I am not alone in loathing it, and so relieved that I can avoid exposure to it over here in Europe.
I have never made it through the whole commercial because I break things lunging for the remote to mute it when it comes on…and up until now had never even considered wondering what it was a commercial FOR…all I cared about was that the eardrum-ratcheting noise STOP STOP STOP RIGHT NOW
Having spent several years working in a public library, I can tell you that actually — he HAS to get her out of the building on time because any incident that occurs in the building after hours (if she trips and falls, or anything like that) is a HUGE legal liability for the library. Employees are legally obligated to get everyone out on time, or else.
Also, libraries don’t use time clocks. He stopped getting paid the moment operating hours ended, so…. yeah. She’s a douche. Ugh this is the worst.
Gah! I hate it! Her voice is so creepy and childish and she pronounces things slightly off in a way that inexplicably bugs me and that line about working while you sleep has a creepy undertone to it and the whole parade of people studying in all these busy places and never getting enough rest is just bothersome, because how do you expect me to believe these people have two jobs AND go to school AND get enough sleep? Sleep is a good thing! Don’t act like it’s noble to go without it.
And seriously. A degree is a degree? Please.
The worst thing about this, the absolute worst thing, is that it’s an aggressive defense of U of P’s exploitation. “Oh, you’re saying that the degree is worthless? Are you saying OUR STUDENTS are worthless? Look this breastfeeding mother in the eye when you say that!” It’s trying so hard to present criticism of University of Phoenix as a class thing, it’s disgusting.
…I mean, I think. It’s hard to interpret, because it kind of makes no sense.
YES thank you! We thought it was just us! Like “they keep playing it so it must not suck as much as it CLEARLY DOES I guess?” Hate hate hate it in short thank you I shall now just read this article every time it comes on.
I actually used to be a librarian at a for-profit college, and I can tell you a lot of the students are EXACTLY like that. They’re so catered to by instructors and everyone else to keep that sweet sweet loan money coming in, that as soon as you are the one person who says, “hey, you gotta follow the rules,” they FLIP. I had a lot of sweet students, but boy howdy, the aggressive ones were no joke.
I also have a lot of feelings about for-profits as a whole, namely that yes, they’re predators, but they thrive as predators because we’ve created an academic ecosystem and job market in which they CAN thrive. Just because they’re a rabid scapegoat doesn’t make them any less of a scapegoat when it comes to addressing the root problems there.
I used to work at my university’s library. I used to close on Fridays and open/close Saturdays. Opening was so easy! Closing was the fucking worst because people just would not leave. I wanted to go home. The all night study place was open. WHY WOULDNT THEY LEAVE
The worst was when a man was sleeping it off on the couch in front of my desk and I couldn’t tell if he was breathing. I panicked and called the department head, who very forcefully yelled and shook him awake. I think that gentleman later got banned, but I can’t say for what. He did it a number of other times, but after the first “HOLY SHIT IS HE DEAD” moment, I got kinda used to it.
I thought I was the only one who hated this ‘mercial. SO MUCH HATE. Yes, let’s grind people up and make them work 3 jobs and sleep 4 hours a night because THAT’S THE AMERICAN WAY! I think she is having trouble with the poor scanning and the nonsensical rhyming and inability to make a sensible tautology that works because she has only been able to grab a catnap here or there for the past 3 months. She is punch-drunk and will never be able to pass the mid-term.
For some reason I feel like this commercial is aimed specifically at people who watch those scalp-crawling whisper videos.
First article in a long time to make me laugh out loud. So true. I didn’t register how much I hated this until the end when she accuses me of thinking she never had a brain. I DON’T KNOW YOU CRAZY LADY!
Leave it to Mallory to put my hatred for this commercial into words.
But I want to know – What is her major?
It doesn’t rhyme particularly well either. “Forage” and “mortGage”? “FasTer” and “multitasKer”? That’s an insult to E.Y. Harburg, who wrote the original lyric.
I had never seen this commercial before, and it actually made me feel physically sick? Like I was going to throw up? I think it was the utter confusingness of it. My brain was futilely struggling to turn it into something that made sense and then wait, who’s been shot in the chest what is going on how can anything be this bad?
And I like weird ads. I really loved those PS2 ads directed by David Lynch, even though I didn’t know they were directed by David Lynch till years after the fact. This is just…maybe it’s called more than brains because it made my head hurt? “We will provide the addition of pain to your brain, and then you will know what it feels like to attend our university.”
It is a damn good thing I already have a master’s degree from a third rate state university that I mostly paid for myself, because I would totally fall for this maudlin crap.
I haven’t even noticed the other parts of the commercial because the first time I saw the library segment I went to DEFCON 5 and stayed there. That over-entitled finger needs to be slammed into the computer. When I think of the number of times my circulation clerks have been treated to this “I’m special” attitude, I want to scream. It’s 1 AM, and they want to go home.
I’m so glad I’m not the only one, I swear the lyrics are actually about making terrible choices
That library girl looks so much like the girl from 50 Shades and the music is the same creepy as the 50 Shades trailer that I am always thrown that this isn’t the trailer for the second movie.
It is so terrible. And I hate that last scene. Hate Hate Hate. That man doesn’t WANT to work in the library with you spoiled jerks. He’s tired and then your privileged ass…oh don’t get me started.
U of Phoenix…kiss everyone’s ass.
*kudos*
i’m rolling on the floor laughing, i agree with all of this 100%. i’m going to start yelling these things at the TV.
Mortgage doesn’t rhyme with forage.
Speaking for librarians everywhere, THANK YOU for sharing my outrage at Little Ms. “One Second, I Am COLLEGING” in the closed library. Lady, the lights are OFF, you have likely had SEVERAL WARNINGS that the library is closing, and library staff DO NOT GET PAID TO WAIT FOR YOU TO FINISH YOUR SHIT. Also, we do not live in the library, we are TIRED, and we WANT TO GO HOME. And by God, if you have made me wait around long enough to send a security guard over to tell you to wrap it up, the next step is going to be calling the police to escort your entitled ass OUT.
Thank. You. Seriously, this commercial gives me the hatreds, because the for-profits are so, so bad for students. Students can exhaust their financial aid benefits without having had the appropriate support to complete a degree. I would rather see students go to credible, regionally accredited two-year institutions, get their associate degrees for super-cheap (seriously, you have no idea how cheap, and the professors are focused on TEACHING, not research), and then transfer with a credential already in pocket to a four year.
This ad is just insulting. It doesn’t take a brain to go to the UofP, it takes debt. Students, I guarantee that if you could do well there, you’d do far better somewhere else and for far less incurred debt.
This commercial fills me with a rage that I can barely articulate. “A degree is a degree” my ass. This is the worst kind of reverse snobbery, especially since there are so many reputable colleges with extended hours and classes geared to working people. “Flames… On the side of my head…”
I would also like to add that if you need two jobs to pay your mortgage, you bought too fucking expensive a house. This does not speak well of your brain!
I am a former alumni of the UOPX and many of its students work very hard. Although I fully understand the concept of working in groups on group projects as replicating the workplace environment, I found the atmosphere completely frustrating as it was akin to trying to complete a finance budgeting problem with some students lacking the requisite background or writing skill similar to being paired with your office janitor to complete a complex work related problem. At least your work has vetted its employees to mesh educationally and structure work groups accordingly. Instead, UOPX placed many unqualified students in seats thereby placing a great deal of burden on qualified students and I believe there was grade inflation to accommodate this. I feel ashamed as I did graduate from this school and the only thing I worked hard at was educating unqualified group members. This country needs to give great thought about how to provide a quality education to working adults that is stable and is not jeopardized with each turnover in this country’s leaders.
Yes, everything you said and more. I feel the same way and it makes me sick to think how much money I gave them.
These are the people responsible: http://www.adweek.com/agencyspy/180la-debuts-its-…
THANK YOU FOR POINTING OUT THE LIBRARY CLOSING THING.
I work in a public library and the minute we close is the minute I am no longer getting paid to be there, and people do not care because it’s inconvenient to THEM.
I always feel bad going in someplace within 30 minutes of when they close, even if it’s just a Walgreens to pick up a quick pack of gum.
OMG YES!
this commercial has the sensibility of the angry guy you went to high school with who attended community college because of “circumstance” but then had the gall to talk about how stupid everyone else in community college was because they went to community college
Hate this commercial !!! If I had an inkling of going to this university, I will not now, any publicity isn’t always good, her voice is extremely irritating …
I couldn’t agree more! I hate this commercial so much! The woman breast feeding at the diner and the woman giving the finger to the security guard at the library is what really annoys me. Like are we supposed to excuse your behavior just because you go to university of Phoenix?
I despise that commercial and everything it stands for! How can we get them to stop?
Lmao yes! The most ridiculous part is “I took two bullets in the chest”
The line “a degree is a degree’ is basically a slam on everyone who ever devoted serious time and serious money to getting a serious degree. I have a degree from Oxford and you have one from the University of Phoenix. We don’t both just have “a degree’.
This really gets my goat because I”m an academic who is fighting the incoming tide of bad students who do bad work and trying uphold certain standards. When the Univ of Phoenix says “Oh, it doesn’t matter. Either way you just get a degree” it implies that there is no point in my asking students to actually work hard and learn something. After all, they will be competing with Univ of Phoenix students and all employers want to see is “a degree”, right? Who cares if you actually learned anything?
Thank you! This commercial epitomizes everything that’s wrong with America: work multiple jobs that don’t respect your family time, go to school for years for skills they could easily teach you on the job, have multiple kids, never sleep, get into an accident due to exhaustion, get into debt for $100,000s of dollars to the medical industy, have to work harder to pay more overinflated debt of medical bills and school loans. Such is modern America.
If you focus on doing one or two things well, people look at you like you’re lazy and could NEVER work as hard as they do, like this smug bitch in this ad. It’s the commercial version of the Leslie Knope stereotype, but more judgemental.
I thought I was going to go batshit crazy with this commercial. They finally pulled it, I think. Fingernails on a chalkboard. That voice is awful. Sick of grown adults singing like children.