Previously: a Decemberists album where nobody gets murdered.
“Everything In This Song Is Spelled According To Modern Convention”
“A Girl Who Is Alive And Not Anne Frank Plays A Piano Without Any Semen On It”
“No One Visited The Penny Arcade That Day”
“The Characters On This Old-Timey Postcard Have Not Come To Life To Comfort You About Your Parents’ Divorce”
“The Boy With One Head On His Body”
“I Have Pictures Of My Living Family And No Pictures Of Executed Criminals In This Photo Album”
“My Mother Is A Human Woman And Not A Trash Can”
“The Ship Reached Its Destination Safely”
“I’ve Never Buried Anyone, Have You?”
“Forks Are For Eating With And Nothing Else”
“Sure, The Holocaust Was Awful But That’s Not Really Something We Need To Talk About On Such A Nice Night”
“The Dog Lived”
“Let’s Not Talk About Our Bodily Fluids Until We’ve Gotten To Know Each Other Better”
“Girls Who Live Above The Ground And Not Buried Underneath It Are My Favorite Kind Of Girls”
“None Of Us Are Bleeding”
“This Ferris Wheel Has No Ghosts On It, Just Paying Customers”
“Nobody Is Floating In Space After Committing Infanticide”
“Your Spine Is Your Own Business And I Won’t Replace It With Newspapers”
Tags: music, neutral milk hotel, no holocaust here
Your Mom Would Drink Tea With Lemon and Dad Would Dream He Missed The Big Meeting
The Only Girl I’ve Ever Loved Is My Wife, And We Have A Great Relationship
All songs written by Geoff Magnum.
Wait does the album reference directly anne frank? While I knew it was a reaction to her journal I thought it was some other kids.
the song title “Holland, 1945” kinda gives it away
I mean, lol, but I won’t pretend I didn’t cry 90%* of the time I saw them this summer.
*100%
SAME
I haven’t seen them live as a whole band yet, but Mangum’s solo show did that to me. That man can sing some feelings directly into my brain and subsequently my eye sockets/tear ducts.
Yup. Tears galore.
I do love this list, though. They can’t all be Gordon Lightfoot or George Strait.
When I saw them in Prospect Park a rainstorm magically rolled in, like you could see it coming before we got wet, right in the middle of “Song Against Sex”. Who could NOT cry in that moment, who??
I saw them in Austin last year, and it was basically A Bunch of Hipsters and UT Students Feelings Hour. I was very popular because I jammed a full size box of kleenex in my purse.
YUP
I walked down the aisle to Aeroplane and saw them 3 months later. It was basically a monsoon on my face. No idea why I thought wearing mascara was advisable.
It wasn’t in Woodstock in like… October of 2011, was it? I saw them (well, Jeff + surprise Julian) with some friends and we briefly talked to an adorable couple in the crowd who mentioned walking down the aisle to Aeroplane and then later the husband very quietly and politely helped remove a couple of drunk idiots who were waving their arms around and hitting people. Then we all cried a bunch (I assume, anyway).
Unlikely that was you, but it would be cool!
I will never, ever get over the fact that I had to skip seeing them this spring because I woke up the morning the show with a stomach bug that had me out of comission for days.
The dog living is _straight pandering_! I can see the pandering from here!
Now do one with no Tabasco sauce references
I really like where this new series has been and I’m pretty sure I’ll like wherever it’s going, too.
The Little Boy Loved Birds And Had Several In A Cage, None Inside Him That Flew Out Whenever He Spoke
A Mountain Goats album where nobody is clawing off their skin on a meth bender, sitting atop a throne of human skulls, or even remotely interested in murdering their stepfather who may or may not be a wolf
Pretty please I KNOW TOAST NATION HAS MOUNTAIN GOATS FEELINGS
“The Pretty Fun Death Metal Band We Aren’t Taking Too Seriously Because College Is Important”
“My Wife and I Live in a Nice House Together (It Isn’t Dripping Blood and We Have Not Set Each Other on Fire)”
Going to Disneyland, No It’s Just A Vacation, Why Would You Assume It Was a Metaphor?
Going to Every State, Because We Got a Great Deal on an RV
Going to Belgium (For a Work Seminar)
Staying.
“No One Has Any Self Destructive Tendencies Involving Wheel of Fortune”
“I Have Not Had Any Conversations with Birds of Prey Recently”
“I’ve Never Been Publicly Intoxicated In Florida”
“Having No Children While We Attend Marriage Counselling Was a Healthy Choice”
“Dance Music Cheers Me Up After a Sad Gilmore Girls Episode, Not Because It Drowns Out Abuse”
International Small Arts and Crafts Fair Where There Are Definitely No Explosives
You Were A Good Wife (I’m Talking About Alicia Florrick Obviously)
There Were Lots of Signs That This Was a Bad Relationship, So We Ended It And No-one Was Bitter
I Woke Up In My Own Bed, Not Strapped to Anything
So This Is What the Volume Knob’s For (In Retrospect, It Should Have Been Obvious, What With the + and – Symbols)
He’s five years old or six maybe, give him a break. 😉
I Feel Like Lovecraft in Brooklyn — Sorry, I Mean I Love Kraft Macaroni and Cheese in Brooklyn
Hey, We Have A Decent Marriage That Has Hit A Rough Patch; We Should Consider Couples Counselling
This thread speaks to my SOUL.
“Going to Georgia (To Visit Relatives in Atlanta, Not Attempt to Shoot My Girlfriend)”
Emergency Vehicles Needn’t Be Involved in Our Divorce
High School Is Great I’m Making a Lot of Friends
I Hope You Dance
“Our relationship is definitely not doomed and I enjoy alcohol in moderation at social events”
I enjoy your postcards when they come, and I then I get on with the rest of my day without suffering dramatic physical symptoms from my broken heart
I Used to Live Here, But I’m Not Going To Break In And Reminisce Because That Would Be Weird
I’ve Had To Stay In Some Cheap Motels In My Time, But I Usually Just Sleep and Watch TV, Rather Than Abuse Prescription Drugs
The Girl Had Normal Eyeballs In Her Head and a Vase Of Roses On The Table
Songs In Support Of Sex
(also known as “Songs”)
The Girl Doesn’t Have Roses in Her Eyes She Just Has Eyes
Nothing Stains the Mountain Tops Due to Sensible Environmental Legislation
Aaaand you have won.
Your Dad Organized His Bottle Cap Collection While You and Your Mother Were Asleep Comfortably In Your 4 Bedroom Colonial-Style Home.
My Parents Were In A Loving, Committed Relationship For My Entire Childhood And They Still Are
Holland, Innocuous Year
Opening line: “I bought some adorable novelty clogs”
Holland, 2005 (I Saw Some Paintings And Went On A Canal Boat, It Was Lovely)
The King of a Constitutional Monarchy (Parts 2 & 3)
I’m Going To Make It Through This Year and It Won’t Kill Me, Though the SATs May Be Difficult
That was supposed to go in the Mountain Goats digression, obviously.
Get More Tattoos, But In Pretty Reasonable Ink Colours, Maybe Under Your Shirt
Oh Sister, I Respect Your Boundaries and I Wish You Many Happy Years of Marriage
She Will Feed You Tomatoes, No Radio Wires
Songs From A Belle & Sebastian Album Where No One Rides A Bicycle Or Is “In A Mess”
Good concept, but I’m pretty sure that album would just be the recorded sound of someone quietly sipping tea in a lovely London townhouse.
You mean the PERFECT ALBUM.
Piazza New York City Catcher fits that bill.
Here Is The Room Where Your Brothers Were Born, One Of Them Still Sleeps There But The Other Moved Down The Hall
Nothing Smelled Like Semen It Smelled Like Lavendar and Rosemary and was Pleasant
But really though, why do their songs have so much semen 🙁
The Only Thing In This Glass Jar Is Your Mom’s Homemade Preserves, Definitely No Babies
We Must Pack Up Every Piece Because We’re Moving To A Bigger House So The Kids Can Each Have Their Own Room
Your Daughter Is Going Through A Communism Phase In Her Sophomore Year of College, She’ll Grow Out Of It
I Love You Jesus Flores
We’re Seeing Other People Because We Didn’t Have A Lot In Common, Really
Fox In The Well-Sheltered Ravine
Expectations (Of A Pretty Reasonable Life All Told)
I Want The World To Continue Spinning On Its Axis
Argh, comment intended for Mountain Goats sub thread above.
Today is fired, also I meant Belle and Sebastian.
In a similar vein, where is the …And You Will Know Us by the Trail of Dead album None of Us Is on Heroin and We Are Not Staggering Around a Post-Apocalyptic Landscape Overcome with a Rushing Sense of Despair?
I loved the Decemberists post because they are my favorite band and I got the jokes but I don’t listen to NMH and somehow that makes this even more fun/horrifying.
Hello I would like to say this is the funniest thing I have ever seen, god bless you Mallory Ortberg
Jack White songs where no one is your ghost lover
The Only Girl I Ever Loved Was Not a Girl, She Was a Woman (Also I Have Loved Multiple Women, On Account of Having a Family Full of Them, Did You Really Think I Don’t Love My Mother and Grandmother?)
I Considered the Possible Undesirable Implications of Singing “I Love You Jesus Christ” On The Same Album I Express A Desire To “Save” Anne Frank And Thought Better of It
The Mourning Doves were building their nest of twigs in the evergreen tree as Delilah ("in her dainty white nightcap and gown") boiled distilled water for Jujubub tea and recited passages from the Prophet …
I’ve never listened to Neutral Milk Hotel and now I feel I need to.