Toasties! Just look at those colors. Rosé, olives, cheese. And all at home on a couch because it’s a mad mad mad summer! Tell me your favorite things to do outside in the summer that involve minimal effort and maximum fun. Or inside. So basically, let’s talk about the good life.
Tags: cocktail hour, open thread, the bartender
I am finally here on time! My daily schedule has been destroyed now that I’m on maternity leave (hey, I had a baby; she’s great) and I keep missing links and open threads and I miss everything. I’ve also started stalking Toast Twitter, so if I just followed you, hi! How are you? Can you tell that I’m starved for human companionship? Does it show?
I do very little outside during the summer, but inside I drink a lot of iced tea, eat a lot of ice cream, and watch a lot of terrible reality television. I’m kind of in love with Millionaire Matchmaker now.
Happy baby! It’s OK to be starved for human companionship. I am too. Abdominal surgery revoked my ability to drive and my ability to expend enough energy to both get dressed *and* remain upright for more than an hour. But it’s a price I’m willing to pay to be rid of the large fibroid that scared me. But your baby is the far, far better prize. Kiss the center of her forehead for me.
Ach, that is worthy of complaint. I have kissed the babe on your behalf, as part of my hourly head nuzzling routine.
Happy baby time! (Am I delusional, or if I was another kind of person would I be referring to this as your baby moon? Is that… a thing?) (If so, let’s pretend it’s not. Unless you want to. You’re the new mama, you can do whatever you want.)
Your summer schedule is my ideal.
I thought a babymoon was the thing you went and did just before the baby was born? I did not do that, but I am enjoying my enforced couch time.
What’s your twitter? I am also starved for human flesh. COMPANIONSHIP. Human companionship. (I’m @CastOnCastaway).
Is that what this craving really is?
New mom on twitter also! @noxmunk
Hi! I added you! Fair warning: Most of my tweets are complaints.
Friday Cat Thread!
Bonny does this thing where she lies on her side and undulates up and down stairs. Anne does a thing where she lies on her back and twists her upper and lower bodies in different directions, so she looks like a tubby, stumpy letter S.
Here is a video of Anne doing her only trick. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gzGLCgIR1Qg
If we forget to put caps on water bottles, we usually discover water stains everywhere, because she likes to tip them over and drink the spilled water off the floor.
My cat is at this moment at the vet going under general sedation for his very pricy haircut. I CANNOT WAIT TO SEE HIM AND HIS FAT BELLY FINALLY EXPOSED.
Your wish being my command, here are a couple oldies-but-goodies of my tiny little predators:
(She stayed like this for a full minute, purring all the while.)
(Benny was so transfixed by a VHS compilation of “America’s Funniest Home Videos: Animal Antics” that he jumped off my lap to get closer.)
BONUS: comic of Chris’s on his cat-rearing philosophy.
That was ours; after realising it didn’t work we are of the ‘NO. STOP THAT! PUT IT DOWN!!’ school.
Here are my beasties, enjoying the sunshine without having to go outside. Not that Patrick (the cat) wouldn’t care to go outside, given the option. He’s very stupid about how summer + fur = feeling gross, and keeps insisting.
Currently brainstorming ways I can talk my landlord into letting us get a cat (she said no when we moved in, but her reasoning was really weird – like, she just doesn’t personally like cats?). My friend who lives upstairs told me that one of the guys below us has a cat, but I’m not sure if the landlord (landlady?) knows about it or if she does, what kind of deal he worked out with her. My husband and I had to put down our cat who had FLV complications nearly two years ago, and I’m really missing having a cat.
I’d offer to pay an extra damage deposit, and if that doesn’t work accept it. I had 4 lonely cat-less years because of ‘no-pets’ clause, so I sympathise.
YES, CAT THREAD.
Here is a video of my cat playing fetch a few years ago when she was but a tiny babycat. (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5nlLCPVm9S0)
Anyone read any good romance novels recently? I want to break out of my Lisa Klyepas/Georgette Heyer/Nora Roberts rut!
Have you tried Courtney Milan (if you’re into historicals)?
No! I’ll look her up. I love historicals.
What are your favorite Kleypas, Heyer or Roberts books? Any particular tropes that you like? And, as Genevievenumba4 notes, Courtney Milan is GREAT.
I love Kleypas’ Hathaway and Texas series, pretty much everything by Heyer but especially Frederica, Venetia, Devil’s Cub, and Friday’s Child, and most things by Roberts before she started writing Achewood-style Williams-Sonoma catalogue porn.
Really excited to have a new author to check out!
ETA–I especially like marriage of convenience plots and Enjoyable Persiflage ‘twixt hero and heroine.
Excellent! Off the top of my head, Sherry Thomas’s Luckiest Lady in London would fit the bill. Some people like Tessa Dare’s A Week to be Wicked (which is a marriage of convenience story), but my favorite of hers is probably Romancing the Duke (which is not).
Some other names: Rose Lerner, Elizabeth Hoyt, and the aforementioned Courtney Milan.
Aww yeah I’m going to the library this weekend. Thanks!
Fun! And you’re welcome!
Also, Ros Clarke’s An Unsuitable Husband and Jennifer Crusie’s The Cinderella Deal are modern marriage of convenience stories.
ETA Tessa Dare’s books are not super historically accurate.
Oh Lord, Jennifer Crusie’s Bet Me is my favorite contemporary!! DONUT MAKEOUTS 4EVA.
The aforementioned Theresa Romain’s Season for Scandal is a marriage-of-convenience plot. Also? Her latest, To Charm a Naughty Countess, features a sexually experienced heroine and a virgin hero with an anxiety disorder. I LOVE HIM
I love that Romain’s heroes aren’t all testosterone-fueled idiots.
Yeah, and her heroines aren’t all Strong Female Characters, either. Everybody’s flawed and three-dimensional and ACTUALLY PEOPLE.
You might like Loretta Chase.
Thanks!
I’m a big of Miranda Neville and Eloisa James! And I must disclose that Theresa Romain was my BFF in high school, BUT she’s also gotten terrific reviews from RT and Smart Bitches, so I’m not the only one who thinks she just keeps getting better.
Eloisa lost me when one of her Regency-era characters talked about needing to “go up two dress sizes,” as if she was a modern pleb shopping at the Gap, but I will check out Miranda Neville and Theresa Romain, thanks!
I wasn’t into James’s last one, but I fear I’ve been spoiled for het romance after reading so much slash fiction. 😀
Lady X? Ergh, I was also so not into that. Main dude was such a fucking creeper! I am still shuddering.
He just got called “relentlessly male” one too many times for my taste.
For me it was all of his gross letters where he was like “TELL ME HOW YOU TOUCH YOURSELF AT NIGHT, MY EMPLOYEE/WIFE.”
Ick. Relentlessly male = alphole.
I mean, if you like that sort of thing, you like that sort of thing, and go for it…I really really do not like that sort of thing. Give me a sexually aggressive heroine and a virgin hero every time. (They were both virgins in Once Upon a Tower, but I did love that one. And The Duke is Mine, yessssss.)
I remember liking The Duke is Mine; haven’t read Once Upon a Tower. I did like When Beauty Tamed the Beast quite a bit, but it’s been years.
Yeah, I’m ok with sexually aggressive hero (though this is not my preference) but like I also want there to be like clear articulations of consent and stuff and Lady X was just not working for me.
Also when he was like “just cuz I stick my cock in you doesn’t mean I’m going to marry you,” ugh, I vomited in my mouth. Hate hate hate hate.
I know lots of folks loved the book but I was weirded / grossed out.
Yeah, it made me sad, because I have loved several of her books, and I met her a couple times when I lived in NYC and she’s super nice and smart. (I always feel guilty when I don’t like a book by an author I’ve met.)
I love Theresa Romain!
EEEEEE that makes me so happy, because I’ve known her for 20 years and I’m so happy she’s got fans! We used to flip through old Zebra romances together at the thrift store and dogear all the dirty parts. 😀
That’s SO COOL, I love her!
I’ll second/ third/ whatever Courtney Milan and Eloisa James, Stephanie Laurens, too, for historicals.
I get all my romance recommendations from Smart Bitches, Trashy Books. Apparently The Lion’s Lady by Julie Garwood is on sale right now?
If you want gay romance novels from History Times, Maruice by E.M. Forster is a fantastic (if sappy and deeply strange) read!
Oh, oh, me, pick me!!
Well, in a week pick me. I wrote one. It will probably be on sale next week. It’s a contemporary and I got the cover last week and I loooooooove it and I can’t help myself, I have to share it here:
Grrrrl congrats! Love the way cover dude has his eye on the prize there, ha.
Oh yeah, but also that she’s holding him so he doesn’t look the wrong way.
Thanks!
“Look into the cleavage, the cleavage, don’t look around the cleavage… 3, 2, 1, you’re under”
Love it. Please post a link to your book in an open thread once it’s published!
Ha! Boob hypnotism – an industry with serious possibilities.
I will be more than obnoxious about my gleeful linking once it’s published, no fear. I am terribly terribly excited (and terribly terribly nervous.)
Love the Spenserian username.
Echoing the recs for Courtney Milan and Tessa Dare – this times a million.
Also Cecilia Grant’s A Lady Awakened and Deidre Knight’s Butterfly Tattoo, anything by Ruthie Knox / Robin York, maybe some Julie Anne Long or Julie James?
Thanks for the recs!
Also–hello, fellow romance-reading Mantel-appreciating Spenser fan! Do you use Goodreads at all?
The Faerie Queene is probably my desert island book, so hello hello! and yes: https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/1929964-layla
If you’re there, friend me or send me a message or something.
These aren’t *good* necessarily, but if you’re into early modern stuff, Judith James has some Restoration romance novels (one of which is loosely based on John Wilmot’s life and times – Libertine’s Kiss).
F-f-f-friended.
Today, I’m just sitting at home with my Pride t-shirt and a plate of patriotic strawberry shortcake knock-off, talking about everything America did wrong. Because freedom of speech, fothermucker.
That sounds like an utterly fantastic day. Especially with the shortcake.
I have absolutely delighted in rooting against the USA during the world cup so that people will ask me why and I can casually mention some of the ways America sucks. Cheers!
I am just happy I de-lurked here. Aaaaand I just saw the “books we hate” post with the Mists of Holy Shit MZB Was A Terrible Person cover, so that is what I’m doing with my lunch hour.
I didn’t realize until reading that thread what an awful person MZB was. Yikes.
Oh God, I know. I read Mists of Fuckery when I was maybe eight, which was waaaaaay too young to put my finger on what was weird about it. Turns out it was a lot of stuff!
Snap! I also read it way too young. My best friend at the time, who was a constant source of delights Not Allowed at my house (EZ mac! trashy books! Nickelodeon tv shows!) lent it to me. Ah memories.
Urgh, I just found that out too from that thread. Urgh.
Though I must say, it’s always gratifying when authors you dislike end up being monsters, rather than authors you like. (Also true for actors, directors, artists, etc.)
We’re having thunderstorms tonight instead of fireworks because mere pyrotechnics cannot compete WITH NATURE’S BOMBAST
BOOM SMASH CRASH
The thunderstorms here are so patriotic they did a test run yesterday as well!!
Ours, too! And it was quite a lightning show I got to drive through. Plus the bone-chilling excitement of pushing my little hybrid through water higher than the door in order to get into my driveway. Fun times.
Just heavy rain here so far. We just barbecued some burgers under an umbrella on the porch. The ripping open of the heavens will be later!
Storms here in RI! My cat that hates storms has been given a sleepy treat and is no doubt sulking under a bed somewhere.
Happy birthday, Americans! Thanks for all the cool stuff!
Also, Chicago (and Chicago-lovin’) Toasties, I’ll be in your fair city with my best gal pal at the end of the month, and I will gladly accept your recommendations of things to do! Our must-dos are the Art Institute, a Cubs game, and the Adler Planetarium. We’re staying at an Airbnb in West Loop. We fucking love food. GO!
Millennium Park is right next to the Art Institute and is celebrating its tenth anniversary, so there are tons of free concerts and activities. The big open-air stage has free mostly-classical concerts; pack a blanket and some picnic food and there’s your evening.
There’s also free outdoor dancing and dance lessons at the other end of Grant Park!
Go to the restaurants around Fulton Market, Blackbird, the Publican, Little Goat, West Town Bakery. Go see a movie in Lincoln Park!
If you’re not all museumed out after the Art Institute, the Field Museum is my favorite thing in Chicago. It’s got everything you would want in a natural history museum, and also the staff and security guards are all really nice in my experience.
I second the Field Museum. I volunteer there, and it is awesome! If I weren’t in Australia, you could come on my DNA tour. I also volunteer at Lincoln Park Zoo, which is free, and they have a baby rhino and takin right now, and the toddler gorillas are probably old enough to be playing with each other adorably.
You must do the Chicago Architecture Foundation’s river cruise – http://www.architecture.org/tours/boat-tours – I live here and I try to do it every year.
Food – you’ve come to the right place! Unless you’re fancy, you want to go to neighborhood places if you want the really good stuff. Pequads for pizza. Greek Islands for Greek, with desert at Artopolis afterwards. Frontera or Mi Tierra or El Jardin for Mexican. Three Happiness in Chinatown. What else do you like?
It is too hot. I am British, with Irish. None of these bloodlines were designed for sun or heat. We are made for cool mists, and overcast skies, and rain.
Someone bring my cooler weather back. I don’t long for the cold, but for a damp and refreshing day.
I really enjoy summer, but WHYYYYYY must it be Arctic Tundra cold in my office? It’s hot as hell outside, and it would be quite pleasant inside with a nice breeze, but no. My boss has deemed that it will be Frozen Wastes inside, which is why it’s July and I’m wearing jeans, socks, and a sweater. And still frozen.
Summer makes me pink and sweaty, like some kind of victorian cook in a sub-standard BBC costume drama, and my only ‘air-con’ is the balcony door left wide open, so you will forgive me if I have little sympathy.
I WILL TAKE YOUR WINTERY BLASTS.
I get extra annoyed at this, as opposed to being hot in summer or cold in winter, because it is so damn wasteful on top of being uncomfortable.
And then you can’t adjust between inside and out and everything is terrible.
Solution: never go outside.
I am a redhead Norwegian/Scottish person and I cannot DEAL with hot weather. Like I am clearly meant to be doing physical labour in a field in the rain at all times. It’s been a steady 30 degrees every day where I am and I am slowly melting.
Come and visit the south of England, we’re meant to be getting rain all next week!
Do you want to come to my part of Canada for the weekend? Rain, and highs of about 20C?
Damp kindred spirit here! I originally hail from the BC West Coast but currently live in a far drier, distinct four season area and man, I miss the rain.
I had a suuuper shitty week and I was going to complain about it here but I’m tired of thinking about it. Instead I’m starting a summer playlist thread! (have we done one already? If we have, I missed it so it doesn’t count.)
Songs for a summer playlist must evoke one or more of the following:
1. Endless Possibility
2. Too Hot To Move
3. Road Trip
4. I Reapplied Eight Times, How Am I Sunburned
5. There Cannot Possibly Be This Many Bugs In The World
6. Campfire
7. Outside On The Patio With Friends And Everybody Has Their Favorite Drink And The Sun Is Just About To Go Down But It’s Still Warm, And Everything Is Briefly More Perfect Than It Ever Will Be Again, And That’s Okay
8. The Beach
My top picks right now are River by Akron/Family, Bright Whites by Kishi Bashi, and This Song is Called Ragged by Jonathan Boulet. How ’bout you guys?
Ah I posted about this downthread! I missed this. My summer playlist includes East of Eden by Zella Day, Primadonna by Marina and the Diamonds, Fred Astaire by San Cisco, and Girls Chase Boys by Ingrid Michaelson.
Looking forward to hearing everyone’s recommendations!
Aaaaah. I love Ingrid Michaelson’s new album so much. SO MUCH.
My favorite songs for this summer is Hideaway by Kiesza, Sisters by A Tribe Called Red feat. Northern Voice, and Rather Be by Clean Bandit feat. Jess Glynne. Happy dance songs evoking endless possibility!
I love all of these songs. Let’s be music friends.
I first heard of A Tribe Called Red when they opened for Gogol Bordello, so obviously that was a fantastic evening.
anything from Washed Out’s “Life of Leisure” EP.
Just popping in to say sorry about your shitty week. This playlist thread is an admirable and healthy response.
Aww, thanks. I did my unhealthy coping yesterday & Wednesday; today I’m trying reading in the sun & listening to nice music.
Manhattan by Cat Power is your no. 7 in bottled form.
As for number 5: “Buggin'” by The Flaming Lips
Akron/Family love!! How about Light Emerges? It’s the summeriest Akron/Family song I know (and love).
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5ofVXIqGhw
(sorry, don’t know how to link the song name)
ooh, I had missed that one somehow. Thanks!
morcheeba – wonders never cease
Summer playlist time! This is all pretty much snagged from my summer playlist…
(1) Stockton Gala Days (10,000 Maniacs); Closer (Tegan & Sara); I Hear the Bells (Mike Doughty); Carbon (Tori Amos)
(2) Hot in Herre (Nelly or Jenny Owen Youngs’s cover, whichever, and yes, I am totally serious about this;) Cold Cold Water (Mirah)
(3) Another White Dash (Butterfly Boucher); Devotion (Indigo Girls); Your Fire Your Soul (Dar Williams); Born on a Train (Magnetic Fields); Our Song (Taylor Swift); Taxi Ride (Tori Amos); Good Hearted Man (Tift Merritt)
(7) Explosions in the Sky; also anything by Linda Ronstadt because that’s how her voice makes me feel.
I’m beginning to think I won’t even get an interview for this job I applied for. It would have been SO PERFECT for me (really, I am ideally qualified in every way), more money, way closer to my house, in my field, etc. But no call: no nothing. I am really way more disappointed than I should be–but I live in a fairly small, fairly depressed area where jobs like this come up once every NEVER. I want to get out of my horrible job so badly, but there is just NOTHING for me. Just nothing.
Now excuse me while I go lie down and wait for the heat death of the universe.
Oh, that’s a dreadful feeling. I’m so sorry — that really sucks.
You are perfect. For this job, for any job you desire. You are perfect. Feel better. That is all.
Not only are you perfectly perfect, you are doing the best you can every damn day, and if anyone complains, they can leave the room, thank you very much.
And just for the record, I LOVE your comments: super witty, intelligent and overall delightful.
(I live in a small, economically depressed area, too; I feel your pain re: employment)
Summer summer summer! My favourite outdoorsy summer things are hiking and hanging out on a lake/beach. In July/August the snow finally melts on the mountains and the hikes in Vancouver are amazinngg. (Hello any other BC toasties?) I rolled my ankle hiking on Canada Day but am going on a two day hike near Whistler this weekend anyway… (bought a brace, it’s healed enough..) Also have a trip to the Okanagan vineyards/lakes planned for the end of the month so all is lovely around here and I will basically be a BC tourism ad this month.
What are all of your budget-friendly nearby weekend trip plans? 🙂
BC! I am spending my weekends in the Shuswap and the Okanagan on the beach and/or in any available waterfalls and also hiking up mountains. I’m from Kelowna if you want Okanagan recommendations!
ohh yes please! friends and I are staying in Kelowna for August long weekend, looking to hit up lakes and vineyards, but haven’t planned too much other than booking a place to stay.
There’s one place in my entire state that isn’t flat as a dead manta ray covered in corn, and it’s a state park with a dammed lake on it. I have a pass there to go hiking whenever I start to miss forests and topography. It’s the best.
Yay BC! I haven’t gone on a local trip in a while but were I inclined, I’d probably tip over to one of the Gulf Islands.
Gulf Islands are on my list too!
BC! I just did the Shannon Falls hike to the top of the new gondola in Squamish, and it was great! Pretty intense (for me, although I was mad hungover). The gondola down was $10 and totally worth it – beautiful incredible views, silent, and a great reward for an intense 3+ hour hike straight up a mountain. Next time I am not drinking prosecco and red wine with my family for 6 hours straight the night before.
We’re going to 70 Mile House for a wedding soon, which is affordable because somebody else is paying for our accommodations. And hitting up my family cabin on a gulf island, which is again only affordable because accommodation is free. Curse you BC Ferries!
I do really love staying home for a weekend and just biking to the beach for beach times all day errrry day. Vancouver is so great in the summer.
high-quality BC username.
Ohh I’ve heard that one’s difficult… can’t believe you managed hungover!
And I just bought a bike recently and have been commuting home via the beaches/false creek sea wall bike paths. A bit of a detour but sooo worth it.
Oh! But I am also going camping (briefly) near Hope in August, to watch the meteor shower. Looking forward to that. So glad we can make park reservations now.
I went on a canoe trip in the Rockies last year and hiked a mountain and made a snow angel on Canada Day. I live in ontario so this blew my mind. It was great.
BC’er here! “Easy hiking with the dog at any local provincial park” is always high on my list of budget friendly weekend getaways.
Yayyy BC toasties! I’m going to drive around on ATVs in the woods, which wouldn’t be budget-friendly except that they’re demos from my boyfriend’s work. Last week we just hung out at the lake and camped.
bad feminist alert [also: Bug squeamishness warning!]: My husband just smashed a centipede for me because I just couldn’t* and he is OUR GREATEST AMERICAN.
*I have a phobia, I don’t know why, it is awful and makes me feel silly and weak. I’ve been forcing myself to smash the centipedes for myself because I presume It Builds Character, but this has been a rough week of computer failures and racist preppies and insomnia, so this one time, when it was safely trapped in the bathtub unable to escape, I asked him to do it.
From the days preceding my centipede-smashing resolution, we have the greatest agreement ever: If he goes to smash a centipede and it has escaped, he goes through the motions, returns, and assures me it’s dead and never ever tells me otherwise.
No part of having a man kneel down and do a task for you is anti-feminist. You are living the Dream.
My tactic for dealing with squishy arthropods (which I have an unreasonable terror of, so solidaridty!): flail arms, fish through recyclings for a sealing container with a lid, make various high-pitched anxious noises, slap container over bug, put the lid on it, hold it arms length while you figure out what to do with it because you hadn’t though that far head, call gentleman friend and proceed to flail verbally as well as physically, and then chuck it in the garbage in the basement in a sealed bag. And then find another one on the way out of the basement, and get little sleep that night for fretting about The Imminent Centipede Seige. :/
(admittedly this is not a very effective tactic)
Someday there will be a centipede in the bed, and that is the day I learn to sleep standing up.
(Actually, no: in one of my first apartments, I woke up, rolled lazily over, and found — y’know what? I won’t share this story with another user who’s afraid of ’em. I will shut it.)
Groooooooss 🙁
I never had problems like this when I lived near the top of a high-rise — crawly bugs never got up that far. But second floor? Arthopod party time. 🙁
I called in my husband to go chase a raccoon out of the trash bin. I’ll handle anything except a raccoon in my face.
He’s a foot taller than me — the raccoon is more likely to listen to him.
I’m pretty sure we’d have to tag-team a raccoon. They’re so wily! They even wear masks, which just reeks of premeditation.
THEY ARE TERRIFYING.
I certainly hope that feminism doesn’t mean I automatically have to do every task, pleasant or unpleasant, or even be able to. I just hope it means that I have the choice to do anything I want to do, and be good at it, and will be raised to believe in my own abilities.
Go ahead and let your husband kill bug, I say.
Yeah, fair point: what I really meant was more like “reinforcing-stereotypes warning!” I hate being squeamish about centipedes because it plays into so many popular ideas of women’s supposed failings. But in fact, we split unpleasant tasks according to our talents, needs, schedules, and abilities; him SMISHSMASHing centipedes is just one unpleasant task among so many.
I have a deal with my dude: he deals with any and all squishy insects, and I deal with any and all snakes. This works brilliantly, except for the fact that he now lives a few hours away and it’s not like I can just leave bugs to hang out until he’s around to dispose of them 🙁
I had a roommate that would just set cups upside down over the bugs and wait for me to deal with them. So, you have options. As long as you have enough cups.
Oh yeah, I know that pain. It’s such a weird thing, those stereotypes. Like, is it OKAY that I do basically all the cooking and my male partner does basically all the driving? I’ve kind of relaxed into it though. It’s just easier, and more pleasant, and man, don’t tell Sheryl Sandberg, but I’m doing a whole lot of leaning out lately as feminist protest to all that’s expected of me.
I guess for me feminism includes letting people do stuff for me and not worrying too much, probably because for a long time feminism meant DO EVERYTHING BE MORE THAN COMPETENT IN THE WORLD AND ALSO AT HOME AND ALSO CARRY THE HEAVY BAGS AND ALSO DO ALL THE EMOTIONAL WORK TO MAKE SURE WE ARE DISCUSSING OUR GENDERED ROLES ADEQUATELY. And fuck man, that ended up being a whole lot of exhausting, and sometimes I just want to sit on the couch with a beer while someone else gets rid of a bug, you know?
I guess for me feminism includes letting people do stuff for me and not worrying too much
I love this. It dovetails with one of the ways I’ve been expressing my own feminism lately, by making it clear that my labor is neither free nor valueless, that my time is my own — it does not belong to my family or my community or my husband*, it belongs to me.
I love that my recoiling, first from from a centipede and then from a stereotype, spun out into this conversation about how to balance needs and preferences and internalized gender roles. I love The Toast.
*He would never presume that my time or labor was his to take, because he knows in his bones that it isn’t. But other people presume that: they expect me to schedule around him, bend my needs to his, and ask “But should you check with your husband?” What? As a courtesy, perhaps. To get his consent or approval for my choices? AW HELL NO.
But should you check with your husband?
UGH WHY, WHO DOES THIS
Gross.
SO GROSS THE GROSSEST
You’d think that question would be the province of the socially/politically conservative, but NOPE. Once I realized that I’d heard this more than once from female friends (my male friends don’t seem to ask, I don’t know why), I made a point of pushing back against it, of making that question visible in the discourse instead of letting it slip by or letting it sit as an excuse for my own indecision.
So I might say, for example, “[thing] sounds good, let me take some time to think it over. I’ll let you know by [time].” Friend says “Sure, you probably want to check with [husband].” I say “… no. No, I don’t want to do that. I want to think it over myself.”
“my labour is neither free nor valueless”. Amen, 10 times over.
I made a comment a while ago about trying very hard to say “you’re welcome” at work instead of something more deprecating like “no problem” or worse yet “thank YOU”. I did a task, it was valuable, you’re welcome, but it was not no problem. It was work that took my valuable time and skills. Leaning in to being valuable.
THAT WAS YOU!
[dances in admiration]
I nodded so hard at that! I’ve been building that habit for many, many years, and still I sometimes offhandedly devalue my own work by saying “No problem!”
I have friends who – like, we meet for dinner, and we’re drinking & laughing & telling stories about our families, and they mention how they were late to the meal because they were finishing cooking their family’s dinner, or they leave early because the kids need to be put to bed. They all have spouses at home, plus generally all or most of their kids are teenagers, and I DON’T GET IT.
You’re not eating the dinner. Let them cook it. You’re not the only one in the family with a clock. Let them get themselves to bed – or have the spouse in charge, if the kids aren’t that old yet.
I don’t object, obviously, to people wanting to nurture their families or whatever, but there’s an attitude of ‘it will not get done unless I do it because it’s my job as wife and mother’ that just confounds me.
Your husband is tops. He really is fantastic with the going-through-the-motions agreement. And *you* chose this amazing male human. The whole situation really is to your credit.
He is a top human, truly. I came up with the going-through-the-motions idea, but he co-signed it without hesitation or even the faintest loving mockery, because he respects me and values my happiness enough to do something slightly silly without making me feel silly for wanting it.
My husband is a rural mail carrier, so he drives around with the windows wide open all summer (rural carriers use their own cars, who knew), and grasshoppers regularly jump in and do not always jump out, INSTEAD LYING IN WAIT TO JUMP ON ME. I can take most bugs, but jumping bugs unhinge me to a dangerous degree.
And by “dangerous,” I mean I was driving with my dad last summer when a trapped hopper started flailing around, and I took my hands off the wheel and my feet off the pedals and screamed while we drifted into an intersection. He had to stop on the brakes before I killed us both.
AHHHHHH CRICKETS TAKE THE WHEEL
You have a phobia, that is legit. You are not bad feminist. I also will not dispose of any kind of creepy-crawly, but not because I have a phobia, merely because it is gross and unpleasant and if I can make a man do unpleasant things for me while I tool around on the Internet, I will. I do not think that makes me a bad feminist, either.
I ask you, what are men for, if not for fetching and carrying and delegating unpleasant tasks to?
Agreed, and we’re actually having that conversation upthread — about my intended meaning, which is closer to “unfortunately reinforcing stereotypes!” I don’t think that action makes me a bad feminist, but it does cleave uncomfortably close to too many jokes and notions of women as scared or weak or silly. We can be scared or weak or silly because humans are often all those things, but when we display those feelings, it’s seen as a gendered act.
Oh sorry, no I definitely did take your meaning, I was just being flip!
I wholeheartedly agree with the comments made on the lovely discussion upthread, and I sympathize with the dilemma of not wanting to reinforce stereotypes while wanting to just BE, goddammit, for a minute. Sometimes it feels impossible to avoid the pitfalls of both blind, “I choose my choice!” feminism AND exhausting, Always Proving Something feminism.
To take a slightly different tack, in my case the issue is that I am stereotypically “girly” in a lot of ways – I love shoes and purses, window- (and unfortunately for my bank account, real) online shopping, romantic plot lines in YA novels, and generally Having A Lot Of Feelings – and sometimes I feel bad or guilty for being this way. But in the same vein as your (excellent) comment that “my labour is neither free nor valueless,” I try to remind myself that my interests and attributes are not frivolous or undesirable, and I am not doing the world or myself any favours by denying them or being ashamed of them, which I did for a very long time. Instead I am trying to be as open as I can about these things, and to insist that they are valuable and that I be taken seriously, not in spite of them, but because they are part of the whole that is me, a person of substance and worth.
TD;LR and non-thread-jack-y version: I feel you, girl.
I hear you: I love to cook, I make jewelry and paper crafts, and I have other stereotypically feminine hobbies and talents, and I notice that people both value and derogate those abilities. I notice people — some people — expect these tasks and talents of me; if I were a man, they wouldn’t. And if I were a man, the people who take my labor for granted would notice the artistry of it.
I can strip a moldy old chair, de-mold the wooden frame, strip off the crusty old finish, sand it down, finish the sanding with steel wool, buff it to a soft honey shine with oil, recover it with straps and burlap, pad it with foam and batting, make new box cushions, then pull upholstery fabric taut and nail the new cover into place. I can make a smelly old hunk of junk into a beautiful, functional piece of furniture, and still someone will shake their (HIS) head and say “Ladies love to redecorate, don’t they?”
And of course, I feel like a bad feminist for calling myself a bad feminist because the whole thing is just that fraught with guilt and self-judgment.
My favourite thing to do in the summer is drive (preferably to the beach) with music up VERY LOUD and my left leg on the dash and/or out the window and sing along (also VERY LOUD). And then sit on the beach with snacks and dumb magazines and books and sunscreen. ALSO doing all of this ALONE because I live a gleeful solitary witch life.
Edited to add: anyone have recommendations for good singing-along-in-the-car summer songs? I could use some new ones!
Don Henley’s “Boys of Summer” is my jam – there’s a seagull interlude!
My favorite singing-along-in-the-car song is Morrissey’s Every Day Is Like Sunday.
I have one very clear perfect memory of driving up the canyon to my dad’s house with the windows open and it was 70 degrees out and The Clash’s Train in Vain came on and it has been in my summer rotation ever since.
“If I Go” by Ella Eyre is this weird blend of exhilaration and desperation, but perfect for yelling at the top of your lungs.
I can totally picture this in my mind’s eye and now I miss my hometown! But you’ve inspired me to do something similar, so yay! Plus, doing fun solo shit is totally the tits (apologies if that phrase offends).
As for music…anything by the Ramones.
“Crazytown” by Aimee Mann, or really, anything by Aimee Mann. I’m legit afraid I’ve been singing along when I listen to her in the office
What kind of good life could it be when Independence Day, with one William Smith and Jeffrey Lynn Goldblum, Esq, does not appear to be available on either Netflix or Hulu, or HBOGo? There is no Independence Day without a telling of the true story of our world’s independence from the alien threat!
I personally am planning to celebrate with a re-watching of Team America: World Police, but to each her own.
It’s just something about uploading a virus from a Mac to an alien ship that gets me every time.
Toast Tale: I was shopping for a kids book for my niece and I stumbled onto The Velveteen Rabbit and actually jumped.
Wait, was it the actual rabbit, or just the book? If the former, I’m concerned for your safety.
SKIN HORSE
This book is crying out for a Bryan Fuller film adaptation.
Best Summer Activity: Doing your nails outside w an ice cold drink
Counterpoint. Best summer activity: doing your nails inside where you can sit naked in front of a fan, also with an ice cold drink.
I have the dreaded summer cold, so I’ll be living vicariously through your stories while manufacturing vast quantities of phlegm. Please, do go on.
UGH I AM ALSO SICK
Nooooo! Vacation sickness is the worst, I hope old ladies on the train are offering you cough drops and hot cups of tea.
Mine has lasted a goddamn week at this point. I side-eye the whole thing. To me, immune system! To me!
I think my immune system might require a seance to contact right now. I’m always grumpy when sick.
Man, my summer cold got so bad last summer I had to use an inhaler for a week. Sympathies!
Uuuh. It’s raining here, so we’ll be working and playing videogames? But next week we’re going to the beach and eating pie! Mm, yes, beach n’ pie.
Next week I will be soaking in a pool at a hotel where servers bring tasty beverages to me when beckoned. If this cold isn’t gone by then I’ll just be doping up on DayQuil and powering through, damn the consequences.
Personal finance thread!
My husband and I got into our first almost fight about money a few days ago :(After four years I guess it was bound to happen, but wow. We were in the States last weekend, and spent about $1800 on everything we’ll need that isn’t a perishable for the next six months, and some unnecessary junk, and we each thought that the other needed to kick in more cash to our communal pot. We worked through it, but I never thought we would get upset over something like that. We talk about money and finances literally every day (we’re planning freedom 41, so it needs a lot of talking about). Anyhoo, it’s over, and I think we’ll be in a better place the next time we do a trip like that.
Also found out our best couple friends are getting married in Hawaii in Feb, and while we will move heaven and earth to go, Hawaii is EXPENSIVE. I have never been, and I am blown away by how much everything costs.
What is freedom 41?
We are planning to retire in 10 years, when we’re 41-ish. We don’t have fantastic salaries, so we talk a lot about how to be more frugal, and how to up our savings.
Wow, that’s impressive. I mean, I expect you hope to live a long time which means you’ll only have worked for roughly… what, a quarter of your life? I’m including your childhood years but still. I’m envious of your goal, but I don’t think I could handle the pressure of trying make allllll the money in a couple decades of working.
Appear to have left my relatively new phone (and first nice smartphone) on a subway seat, with my apartment key in the back, which is extra fun because I just also lost and replaced my apartment keys. Won’t know if anyone has turned it in on the subway until Monday afternoon. (Don’t know when my roommates will be around to let me in either.) UGHHHHHHHHHHH. Fingers crossed, but I’m not optimistic.
Need to get together an application for a new job over the weekend (I really need to not work where I work anymore) that I think I’d be very well-suited for, but now feeling very demoralized.
Oh, that blows. Sorry about that.
Have a very large, very tasty drink. (If that’s your thing)
Thanks. I will 100% be doing that when I get home!
Good luck! Fingers crossed for you!
UGH I’m so sorry! How frustrating.
My hair is the longest it has been in almost a decade, and after having a chin-length bob for almost my entire life, I am totally enchanted with the sight of hair spilling down my back and past my shoulders. On the other hand, I am also starting to get a bit bored with it because I’m no good at styling it, so it just… sits there, looking nice but not particularly thrilling. Part of me is itching for a drastic cut, but I know I would regret it and it would take years to grow back out to its current length.
An update on the dude who stole records from my library: he denied any knowledge of their disappearance and condescendingly asked if I had thought to look on the work table that was in the cubicle he was working in. Like, way to make it obvious that you think I’m a complete moron, dude. You will not be allowed back here.
OH MY GAWWWD LIBRARY GUY. He keeps finding the most infuriating ways to be condescending to you! I assume that only the prohibitive cost has kept someone from FIRING HIM INTO THE SUN.
I am growing mine out too, so I can do varying things with it. More often than not I twist it and put it up in a clip, but you could also teach yourself how to do a bun, or a French twist, which always look nice. I cannot French braid to save my life, but I do put in regular braids from time to time. You could also do pigtails, which are super-easy and fun.
I am wary about updos because when I was a kid, I had huge sticky-out ears, and my older brother told me that if I tried hard enough I could use them to fly, like Dumbo (and I actually tried and was heartbroken when it didn’t work). I’ve grown into my ears since, but I’m still self-conscious about them 🙁
More than half of all updos can be modified to allow some hair to puff over the tops of your ears. See photos of beautiful women with prominent ears, like Tina Fey.
At this point I would not disapprove of some revenge record-keeping shenanigans on your part. May he always have an overdue book that he cannot find on his account.
Because it would have been totally reasonable for him to pull everything out of the binders and leave it all on the table. Obviously.
What an asshat! Though given what you’ve said about him already, that’s entirely consistent. >:(
Does your building have a security guard? Post a photo of this moron at the guard station. Ask them to do more than deny him entry. Make sure they hassle him first.
I had Marcia Brady hair back when it was fashionable. (Yes, I am An Old.) It is time for you to learn some braids and up-do’s.
Ooh, good call with the security guard stuff!
We do have security and nobody can get past the turnstiles at reception unless they work here or are accompanied by someone who works here. So he can’t access the library again unless a staff member lets him in. I’m just worried that my boss will say that we can’t deny him access since we have no concrete evidence.
Access, sure. Eventually. Make sure there’s a hassle waiting for him, though, for every entry.
Kill him. We’ll give you an alibi.
I like you.
Does this guy not understand he’s messing with THE ENTIRE TOASTIE INTERNET here? He may be cackling to himself thinking he’s just screwing with one person at one institution, but we are legion and we will haunt him forever and he really out to stop being an asshat.
I had to tell my boss that it was Not Appropriate to even joke about taking pictures of his female employees in swimsuits to send to a colleague. We do field work in the water, so not even hypothetical, we were being both professional and wearing actual swimsuits. I was very firm, and it was short-term effective, but I think long-term changes are going to be harder to come by. I get the impression he completely knows that behavior is not ok, but isn’t really clear on why. Ugggghhhh.
I feel 90% totally righteous and 10% ready to cry about this.
Oh barrrrrrrf. Barf. I’m sorry.
Ugh, what a gross situation 🙁 Here’s hoping he gets it, and quickly.
I know there are inklings in there–his daughter (a few years younger than me) was assaulted in college, and he came over all papa bear about that, so he might have the beginnings of a clue.
Less helpfully, we get a lot of “you girls are so cute”. Grrrr, I am not cute, I am your esteemed colleague.
You know this already, just confirming: You are 100% righteous. And it’s OK to cry about this. Your boss is a glass bowl.
You sound like a marine biologist or something similar and that was my childhood DREAM JOB / still kind of is most days. I’m sorry this guy sounds like BALLZ but you really sound like you’re living your best life to me! ::Support::
🙂 I most of the time feel not so far from Living the Dream. This is my second job doing marine/estuarine science in the field, which isn’t too shabby, especially without a grad degree. Thanks for reminding me that I actually love so much of my job.
Oh my gosh what a terrible dude!!! You were brave to speak up though – it takes courage to call out people in positions of power.
UGH WHAT YUCK
I hear you on the 10% ready to cry (though I admire you for keeping it under 30%, which mine sometimes spikes to). With time, that 10% will dissipate and you will be left with the armor of 100% gleaming righteousness that you deserve for speaking out.
I am reaching the limits of my patience with work this week (despite having a short week with Canada Day in there) and I really must start doing some job hunting this weekend.
I have a therapy session tomorrow that I think I may be unprepared for – after I left last time, I forgot if he wanted me to do some particular ‘homework’ or not. I *think* it might be something simple like, just thinking about what I might want from the therapy overall, but I cannot remember. Ah, the trials of getting old.
I’ve been having boy-related angst all week because he’s been somewhat incommunicado (from his normal texting self, not incommunicado the way some of your guys have been) because he was moving house, and just his tone feels a little different, but we’re spending all of Monday together^ so we will see what things look like then. He’s going away to visit family after that for a bit so I will entertain/distract myself with the other two gentlemen I haven’t had time for recently. Maybe that will make things less confusing?
^*cough*hotel visit*cough*
Therapy: it’s like walking into class trying to remember if there was any homework for adults.
And then I will have to put on my *sheepish look* and admit I completely forgot, to his face! Argh.
In other news, my new pair of shoes arrived today and they fit wonderfully, so I’m pretty happy about that.
Who’s working today? Canadians? Non-Americans? The internet is dead today.
Ah I was thinking this. This must be basically a Canadian/English open thread today.
It really feels like it. Nicole’s been tweeting about Canadian superiority (i.e. our method of independence from Britain was better than the Americans) today over on Twitter which has been lovely to follow.
THE COMMONWEALTH IS RISING
God save the Queen!
And Americans who’re just waiting to study abroad and become jaded expats.
Procrastinating is requiring actual effort today!
Been “working” but really writing another article and doing about a half-hour of actual work. Boss has been gone all week, so I’ve been revelling in my own projects, but today the internet is DEAD.
Hah, I thought that, too! Usually by the time I hop aboard this bus, it’s pretty much packed to the gills. Ooh, “Toast Party Bus”…!
Hello I am ‘working’ a half-day! Unfortunately the half I am working is the afternoon. (Parade Day in Calgary was today, and my office is on the route and had bleacher seats, so my fam came to watch).
The English work today, though I think we should take the day off and celebrate ‘They’re Not Our Problem Any More!’ day.
My husband and I are in America, and at home, but we’re working! But we’re both academics who work on projects where work can be entirely done on our laptops, so we’re never technically not working. Plz help.
I opened an etsy store!
I am not super happy with any of it yet, but if I wait until all the things are perfect I will never tell anyone it exists.
So.
etsy.com/shop/StitchPixel
I make geeky cross-stitch stuff. Pretty small selection so far but I take requests! Mostly based on video games, and none of it is another 8-bit Mario. Mostly I hate all my pictures but the pieces I stitched just to see what looks cool are all on tiny pieces of fabric and I could not frame them well at all. But they will be better soon! I should probably not be so self-deprecating while trying to sell stuff!
Also the only reason there’s no international shipping listed is because I have not had time to figure out how much it would cost.
(why am I nervous? Stop being nervous, brain)
Excited to check it out!
Looks great! I think some misandrist cross-stitch would be right at home in your shop…
slightly off-theme, but I think you might be right.
Hmm… perhaps just MISANDRY in big letters with a cute floral border.
Do not fail to post to us when that’s available!
What fun and good luck! I am echoing the call for MISANDRY products.
“When life gives you lemons, use them to make a man cry.”
These are great! Congrats on taking this step and deciding to open your shop, even if you worry that things could be better (I can relate!) You have done a great job! I hope you make a lot of sales.
Congratulations! You are very talented and your stuff looks great!
agreed!!
Y’all, I miss handselling books so MUCH. Ask me for a rec!
(ETA: I don’t care who you are, you need to read Megan Abbott and Emily St. John Mandel, because they are both BRILLIANT.)
i need a rec! I just went through a phase of reading classics that I loved (War & Peace, Middlemarch, A Movebale Feast, The Sun Also Rises) and prior to that, great sci-fi series (Wool, Shadow and Bone, Game of Thrones) and now Im in a bit of a hole and everything I pick up I am instantly bored by. Thoughts?
Yay! OK, if you liked Shadow and Bone you might enjoy Laini Taylor’s Daughter of Smoke and Bone series, or Robin Wasserman’s The Book of Blood and Shadow, which isn’t a series but features the Voynich Manuscript, which I’m a sucker for. Also, Cat Valente’s Fairyland series!
And Emily Barr’s The Thinking Woman’s Guide to Real Magic didn’t get a lot of buzz, but I thought it was great.
LAINI TAYLOR! Augh. That series is so great.
God yes.
I am dying for this short story collection coming out towards the holidays called My True Love Gave to Me, cause it’s got stories by Taylor and Kelly Link and Rainbow Rowell and Stephanie Perkins and AHHH I’M TOO EXCITED.
Rainbow Rowell yes! Loved Fangirl, had mixed feels about Eleanor and Park – but I think she’s a wonderful writer.
I don’t know anyone who’s read Fangirl who didn’t stay up too late to finish it. I write fic, so it was especially resonant!
Me too. I read HP obsessively in high school / college (mostly femslash and um, Snermione, don’t judge me!) so reading Rowell’s book was like time-travel or something.
I’ve written 60K words of Destiel fic in the past year, which is more than I managed to write in Official Creative Writing Grad School. Uhhh, I can link to it if you want?
Do it!
Awesome. C’est ici. I’m super proud of my work, especially the long fic that starts with Good Books, Bad Movies, but always feel somewhat awkward offering porn to strangers outside of AO3. 🙂
No shame, I still think the Snape/Hermione ship had some of the best writers ever. I look back on those days fondly. Do you have a Goodreads? It sounds like we have similar taste (romance/YA/sci fi).
Sure, I’m here: https://www.goodreads.com/user/show/1929964-layla
And yes, I read so much Snermione back in the day. Do you remember what you read and what you liked? (I tried rereading some stuff two summers ago, and um, that was fun.)
Friended! I always love to see what others liked to read especially romance novels since they are so hit and miss for feminists sometimes.
Oh man, I haven’t read Snermione recently. I remember some author names off the top of my head (bambu, Scatteredlogic, mundungus, shiv, oh my!) but not specific titles. Let me dig into my pinboard once I’m off work. Sounds like I know what I’m doing tonight. I’ll message you through Goodreads!
I want a rec! I like to read fairly accessible contemporary lit. Boring, but true. I hate to admit in this forum that I enjoy Franzen, and I recently really enjoyed Middlesex and the Goldfinch. I read a lot at work, so I can’t deal with crazy density or obtuseness – I just won’t do it. I also recently liked The Love Affairs of Nathaniel P. and How Should a Person Be. My favourite author ever is probably Alice Munro.
Thanks for offering!
More of a compulsion than an offer…
Hmmm, try The Lola Quartet by Emily St. John Mandel (her Station Eleven isn’t out until September, but it’s probably my favorite book of the year); Jincy Willett’s Winner of the National Book Award (OMG SHE’S FREAKING HILARIOUS); or Jennifer Spiegel’s Love Slave. (Wasn’t intending to just books by women, BUT HEY.)
No no that’s goooood. Books by women. I made the mistake of demanding a woman-written book for book club and we choose the Luminaries, and I haaaated it and couldn’t get into it because ugh all men men men all the time.
And thank you!
Rec it up, please!
I want something that is late 19th century or earlier, contains ladies being awesome and possibly acting with sexual agency (gay subtext is even better!) and contains side characters with the same level of depth that George Eliot brings to Middlmarch.
Ooh, that’s a toughie.
Have you read Elizabeth Gaskell’s Wives and Daughters? I loved that one.
And Anthony Trollope’s Barchester Towers has a Pride & Prejudice like scene where an odious clergyman proposes to our heroine, but Trollope’s slaps him across the face, so he wins that one.
But be warned that Wives and Daughters is unfinished – which I didn’t know when I started reading it, and then I was super bummed because I wanted MORE STORY PLZ.
Yes, that is one of the great tragedies! (Along with Gogol’s burning the end of Dead Souls, and Richard Hughes dying before he finished the third volume of The Human Predicament.)
P.S. I have yet to read Middlemarch I KNOW I KNOW
Oh oh and! Anne Bronte’s The Tenant of Wildfell Hall is soooooo much better than any other Bronte.
I would like a recommendation! I have been reading dark-ish fantasy lately (Sunshine by Robin McKinley) and I want something that is dark but not like apocalyptic and also ends reasonably happy and also it should be funny at times. I like funny things.
While Rachel Cantor’s A Highly Unlikely Scenario isn’t fantasy, it’s like Snow Crash (near-future sorta-dystopia where fast-food chains have inordinate amounts of power) meets Foucault’s Pendulum (massive world-underpinning conspiracies, secret societies): HILARITY ENSUES. And the Voynich Manuscript! And Kabbalah! And phone calls from Marco Polo! And a badass lady librarian, and time travel, and Roger Bacon’s Brazen Head reimagined as a snarky personified Google.
I am getting tired of waiting for Susanna Clarke to write another book, and have read both “Jonathan Strange & Mr. Norrell” and “The Ladies of Grace Adieu” multiple times. I’ve had recommended (and enjoyed) “Little, Big” when I’ve asked for recommendations before, though it doesn’t quite have the historical fiction/fairylike combo that made JS&MN so addicting. Other suggestions would be welcome.
OH GOD JS&MN YESSSS
No fairies, but Tim Powers’s Stress of Her Regard and Hide Me Among the Graves have a really cool vampire mythos, and they’ve got fictionalized Byron (whom I love far, far more than real Byron).
I could do vampire or other supernatural stuff, so long as it avoids the sparkles and whatever. Thanks for recommendation!
And I agree, fictionalized Byron all the way.
aaaaah I never knew about these books and am very much looking forward to reading them!
I would like a rec! Lately I’ve been reading a lot of horror and weird fiction short stories, but they’re mostly by dudes. Do you have any recommendations for good horror written by women?
Asa Nonami’s Now You’re One of Us and Body (the former a novel, the latter short stories). Good, creepy stuff.
And Megan Abbott writes brilliantly about the darkness at the heart of teenage girls in Dare Me and The Fever…not horror proper, but harrowing nonetheless.
Last one: it’s a mammoth undertaking, but Ann & Jeff Vandermeer’s gigantic anthology THE WEIRD would be a good table of contents to pick through!
And Robin Wasserman’s The Waking Dark has the best first chapter I’ve ever read.
You’re so good at this! I just made everyone read Strange Piece of Paradise for like five years and considered myself a genius. My quest: To be incapacitated by laughter. I like highbrow, lowbrow and middlebrow with side bangs humor. Please advise, and thank you.
*blushes* Thank you!! I did this for a living for five years before stupid fibromyalgia meant I couldn’t hold down a job, and I like I said, I miss it like crazy.
Funny books, yay! Jincy Willett’s really funny, as is Gideon Defoe. Jennifer Crusie’s Bet Me is a delightful romantic comedy with makeout scenes revolving around donuts. And I couldn’t read Jenny Lawson’s (the Bloggess) memoir Let’s Pretend This Never Happened in bed at night, because I’d laugh until I coughed on every other page and keep my husband awake.
Thank you! Right after my dad died I begged for anything not involving dead parents from one of my review gigs, and they sent me Jenny Lawson’s book. I was sure my neighbors thought I’d lost what was left of my mind because I laughed for a day and a half, both hard and loudly. I’m def. gonna check out Jincy Willett now, so yay! Wishing you better health and more chances to marry people to books!
Rec plz! I read a lot of YA and romance and some sci-fi these days.
Pulled from my YA bookshelf (of course I have one):
Stephanie Perkins, Anna and the French Kiss (PERFECT YA romance, and part of a linked trilogy with Lola and the Boy Next Door and the impatiently-awaited Isla and the Happily Ever After).
Libba Bray’s Beauty Queens (smart, feminist, wildly diverse, funny as all get-out; I also love her Diviners series, which, crap, the second one’s out this month! TO THE LIBRARY)
Gail Carriger, Etiquette & Espionage (first in a steampunky YA series about a Victorian girls’ finishing school that actually trains them to be assassins)
Amy Talkington, Liv, Forever (ghosts and romance and a ritzy boarding school with a Sinister Secret)
Ooh! The Carriger book has been on my list of audiobooks to listen to this summer at work, so that’s perfect, and I hadn’t hear of the Perkins or Talkington books! Those sound wonderful.
I do love Libba Bray, but haven’t read either Beauty Queens or the Diviners first book yet. (Though I think that one is also on hold for me as an audiobook at the library.)
EXCITEMENT! & thank you! those are all great recs!
You’re ever so welcome.
I’m throwing a bridal shower tomorrow, and need to make something else savoury and warm, that is easy and relatively inexpensive. I’m thinking mini phyllo quiches, but would very much welcome suggestions!
(Also, bridal showers, why are they a thing, other than you feel like you will let your friends down if you don’t throw one? And WHY DO THE WOMEN HAVE TO GIVE TWO GIFTS THIS IS FUCKING BULLSHIT. Other than that, I’m excited for this one.)
You can also make mini quiches with tart shells. They might not look as pretty, but I think they’d be less work.
Baked breaded zucchini sticks with fancy tomato sauce for dipping are also good. But they’re more work, because of all the breading. And I guess less fancy. So maybe go with the quiches.
When I was a bride my friends asked permission to throw a shower for me. I thanked them humbly for their kindness and asked they accommodate two strong preferences: I) invitations include women *and men*, and 2) all guests be told explicitly that I would be uncomfortable with more than one gift from anyone. Then I asked they abandon plans for a shower if my preferences were too much for them.
It morphed into a casual backyard engagement party and gift givers there did not give wedding gifts.
Bridal showers are terrible. Also, what’s bad is when you’re the bride and people throw you one when you don’t want it and you’re forced to go to the most awkward party ever.
Thanks for the well-wishes!
Oh, no, I’m sure your shower tomorrow will be lovely and your friend will love it! I’m sorry, I was just speaking from own discomfort back when my mother-in-law insisted that I _had_ to have a shower and it was really awkward.
Hahaha no man, I share your sentiments generally, but I’ve been trying to put on a brave face on this one. The whole pre-wedding for this particular union has been a bit angsty, at least for me. The bride is my boyfriend’s best and oldest friend (whom I also adore but have known a much shorter time). She and her betrothed have no wedding party. The dudes of the group planned a stag, and a few traditionalists shot down a joint stag (which it turns out the intendeds would have preferred), and then out of concern for the bride and also women’s equality, I made a bit of noise about a stagette, and the stagette turned into be a joint one with my boyfriend’s ex-girlfriend who is getting married also, and I was like “nope, I think I’ll bow out of that one” and then two pregnant ladies were like “how about a shower” and I was like “ok cool I’ll host because I live in a big house” but then I went to and in great part planned the stagette anyway because everyone was bailing and I wanted to make sure it was a good time (and it was! It turns out my beloved has great taste in women). SO ANYWAY here I am planning a shower (that honestly maybe is not wanted) two weeks after going on a stagette that I didn’t really want to go on, all for a couple that eschewed a wedding party because of distaste for wedding hetero-normative traditions. BLERGH. I’m in too deep now.
I’m having lots of champagne, don’t you worry. And there’s going to be brie involved, one way or another. And really, it’s nice for the mommas and the grandmas and the aunties to have a pre-wedding event. ANY EXCUSE FOR A PARTY.
OH AND my beloved’s mom is coming, and this is the first time she has seen our house, and she and I have different ideas of how clean a house should be and also of what is appropriate decorating. EEEEP.
Oh, it sounds like it’s going to be a lovely event! Especially with the champagne and brie!
But, yeah, pre-wedding events are so emotionally fraught these days, especially bridal showers. I feel like there’s a bit of a generational gap with them? Young folks want to be non-traditional and not have them, but older generations expect them (as it’s a gathering for them, rather than the stagette).
My mother-in-law was just … she was so nice in wanting to throw me a party, but she had it at her place, in her hometown, and it was all of her friends and relatives, because none of my friends or relatives live in that town. And it was really awkward to exclude all the guys (because it was all of my husband’s female relatives who all are more interested in him than me obviously).
Anyway, I felt bad about my earlier comment — it sounded way harsher than I intended. I just personally wish that bridal showers become a fading tradition…
Would a baked brie do the trick? People think they’re fancy and they could hardly be easier. You can either put a brie in purchased pastry (phyllo, puff pastry, or plain ol’ pie dough works fine; if you use puff or regular pastry, the egg wash makes it look shiny and professional) and adding, if you like, a layer of red currant jelly or hot pepper jelly. If you’d prefer single-serving sizes, you can cut up squares of pastry, layer them in mini-muffin tins, and drop in a chunk of brie and a gob of chutney/jam/whatever.
Or you can take a wedge of brie, slap it in a pretty ovensafe dish, sprinkle on some brown sugar and some chopped nuts or berries, and bake it somewhere between 350-400 (which means it can bake along with whatever else you’re cooking) until it’s gooey and fragrant.
The jam/brown sugar/berries makes it sound like these are sweet, and they are sweetish, but they aren’t dessert-sweet. You can always use onion-garlic jam or something similarly robust to emphasize the savoriness of the dish.
Either way, I serve these with lots of sliced baguette, maybe a nice dark-grain bread or some oaty or stoned-wheat crackers, a pile of grapes or slices of apple, and plenty of crudites: carrot coins, cucumbers, whatever vegetables sliced for maximum surface area so they can be spread upon like a cracker.
Baked brie is sooooooo gooood you are a genius. My mom’s got a dope little cast iron pan that fits a brie perfectly I should ask her to borrow it.
AWESOME, I am so glad this easy solution works for you. One note: when I bake a whole brie, I sometimes (not always!) trim off the very outer rind at the corners — well, a round doesn’t have corners, but you know what I mean. Sometimes (not always!) if you don’t, the edges don’t soften as nicely as I’d like and they’re a bit chewy and not-so-pleasant in the mouth.
You don’t seem busy. Go to the store, get me all of that, come to my house, cook it, and serve it to me, ‘kay?
Signed,
Very lazy but slavering at your evocative words Mel
I AM SUPER BUSY CHITCHATTING IN THIS THREAD DO NOT UNDERVALUE MY TIME
But if you buy all that stuff and come here, I will make it for us and even open the vinho verde to drink with it. I might even put on pants. I will not clean the bathroom.
I VALUE YOUR TIME VERY MUCH, ALMOST AS MUCH AS I VALUE MY SITTING ON MY ASS ON THIS COUCH READING THIS THREAD.
Fine. I’ll go to the damn store. Soon. I suppose.
My husband just asked if I would cook dinner so he could continue editing my book for me and I’m all UGH SURE I GUESS EVEN THOUGH A GOOD HUSBAND WOULD DO BOTH SO I COULD STAY ON THE TOAST OPEN THREAD.
[rolls up sleeves]
Okay, let’s brainstorm that dinner to be the easiest thing you ever made.
Is there a Trader Joe’s nearby? You can get lots of small appetizers there for … kinda cheap? (I’m not sure this is snazzy enough for a bridal shower, but omg, I love TJ’s Pastry Bites.)
GUYS! Thank you so much for your wonderful crossed fingers/good vibes/etc. for The Fellow. He got a job offer thi s morning and starts on the 28th!
What a wonderful day. Watched the Stampede Parade with my parents, my niece and The Fellow and now have a half-day of work which will include a gluten-free grilled cheese sandwich lunch. I hope you guys are having wonderful days too.
<3
Congratulations to your fellow. He has two prizes: this new job and *you*.
Congratulations! This is great news!
I have been reading this site every day, several times a day since its inception (and in fact, eagerly anticipated it since it was announced on The Hairpin). I share Toast articles on my social media constantly. I creepily talk about Nicole and Mallory like they are people I know, or at least household names. But the post that actually inspired me to sign up for a commenting account? The Books You Hate post.
I… am not sure what that says about me. But hello anyway! *waves*
Hello!
Hello. Welcome! *waving back*
talk about Nicole and Mallory like they are people I know, or at least household names
Yeah my husband has stopped being like “who?” when I mention Nicole and Mallory in conversation.
Yes! My partner once asked, “Mallory who?” and in response I literally growled, “of THE TOAST. Memorize their names now … or else.”
He too has stopped asking.
ditto.
My sons assume it’s a cult. Which, fine, but they also assume it’s not THE BEST CULT EVER, so.
I also signed up to complain about a book, so :SOLIDARITY:
Haters gonna hate … AND LOVE EVERY MINUTE OF IT!
welcome welcome!
Tell me your most precious books. I have been in a complete reading FUNK for the past few months, and on and off for like two years. I recently cured it (temporarily) by reading The Sisters, about the Mitford sisters, which someone recommended on here or the Hairpin a while ago. The main bright spots in my recent reading history have also been Toast/Pin recommendations. Dud Avocado, We Have Always Lived in the Castle, 84 Charing Cross Road, The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie, the Making of a Marchioness. Books that would be worthy of my imaginary project wherein I rebind all my favorite books into adorable hardback versions of themselves.
If you like books like that, have you read Miss Pettigrew Lives For A Day? It’s this short, bright, sparkly little novel that’s like drinking champagne. It’s just a remarkably sweet little book.
I also really liked the movie adaptation!
I think you might like Diana Wynne Jones’ Fire and Hemlock.
This is the second time I’ve recommended Maruice in this particular thread, but I wave the banner of SERIOUSLY EVERYONE JUST READ MAURICE DO IT DO IT IT IS THE PERFECT BOOK FOR ALL SEASONS AND ALL REASONS proudly.
It’s a large banner.
Sunshine by Robin McKinley and The Elegance of the Hedgehog by Muriel Barber.
The Bone People.
I don’t know if that fits in with anything you like but it’s my stealth favourite book. I love it so so so so much but tend to forget about it and never recommend it to anyone.
I don’t know how well my tastes align with yours (not much at all I don’t think), but here are mine. All fables/horror/magical realism and then one hard SF because.
Little, Big, by John Crowley
Jitterbug Perfume, by Tom Robbins
Imagica, by Clive Barker
Insomnia, by Stephen King
Someone Comes to Town, Someone Leaves Town, Cory Doctorow
The Mars Trilogy, by Kim Stanley Robinson
OH WHOA I am reading Insomnia this week*, and I keep drifting off from my work and wishing I were reading it right now. I can’t explain it: I (with all possible deference to your taste) do not even think it’s an especially well-written example of his work, I don’t especially connect with any characters yet, and it’s veering toward Gender Territory, which I think King usually handles clumsily. But I’m only a quarter into it, and I really, really want to get back to it whenever I’m not reading it.
Also, coincidentally I have been having insomnia this week, but I don’t read it when I wake up early because I don’t want to reward myself for sleeplessness.
*I hadn’t read it before because I thought I had read it before, many years ago. I bought it cheap on an impulse and discovered I was wrong: I think I got Desperation, The Regulators, and Insomnia mixed up during another insomniac jag in the late 90s.
It’s not his best-written, not by a long shot. I dunno, I just love those characters so much. And maybe because I struggle with insomnia myself, it’s that much more intense/personal?
Sorry you’re dealing with sleeplessness. ALL THE SYMPATHY.
I was just thinking the other day how much I love Neil Gaiman’s Neverwhere. It’s wildly imaginative and instantly captivating.
I also like recommending Craig Thompson’s Blankets, because it’s a great graphic novel and the perfect introduction to that subgenre, which I would call graphic memoirs.
this made me chortle, because of the person in the Book-Hate Thread who hates Neverwhere but has it recommended constantly.
Pretty sure this is not that person, but still.
(I personally love Neverwhere)
Ahahahah, that’s great! I haven’t been on that thread at all. I glory in book hatred but really haven’t read anything I hated worth noting in a while. Disliked a lot, sure, but no all-out hate.
I Capture the Castle? I remember liking this around the same time that I liked The Prime of Miss Jean Brodie and 84 Charing Cross Road.
But I will always rec Orlando to everyone. So wonderful.
I am going to see Obvious Child this afternoon and I am very excited! I will come back to talk about it when I get home.
I looooved “Obvious Child!” Please do come back & share your thoughts!
I saw that a few days ago with a friend and we both loved it. (Her: Why can’t more movies be like this?!)
Report: I liked it! It felt really good to see realistic portrayals of women’s lives. Also it wasn’t as hard for me to care about annoying Mona Lisa Saperstein (Jenny Slate’s character on Parks and Rec) as I’d feared.
Jenny Slate is hilarious. Such a good movie and terrific writing. I had my guy see it with me and he thoroughly enjoyed it. More films like this please!!!!!! Down with mindless hollywood tent poles!
In honor of the 4th of July, here is a picture of me in a recreation of Steve Rogers’ WW2 Officer’s uniform.
http://t.co/oPkNx6JF6Y
Those are actual prop pins (the SSR ones) from the first movie.
(It was more expensive to get professional blonde highlights than to ship an actual Ike Jacket from Singapore)
I also want to share this license plate I saw in Maine
http://t.co/eiIyHsDOvt
Loving that license plate.
Truly, there is no better way to honor one’s country.
Last night I went to a meetup for “Young Professionals.” The organizer spent a fair amount of time hitting on me (I think?). I feel kind of yucky about it. Gems: “I don’t go to that hiking meetup because it’s all older people – everyone is 35 or older.” [I am 35.]
“I heard the best advice for girls on NPR yesterday. This guy said they should be easy for the first 30 seconds, then be not easy.” [Major side-eye from me.] “No, I mean, when a guy starts talking to them, they should pretend to be easy for the first 30 seconds. I mean, they should listen to him and give him a chance! Because he could be a good guy! I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been shut down in the first 30 seconds!”
“I’m over on-line dating! These girls never respond to my messages! I’m well-traveled! I have a good job, I’m a good provider! I’m funny! I’m active, I’m not bad looking!”
Oh, dude. I have a fairly narrow social circle of awesome people and I rarely come into contact with Nice Guys in their natural habitat. I felt like an anthropologist.
Incidentally, Meetup does let you post reviews of groups, though I don’t think they’re anonymous.
Yes, an anthropologist! Great word choice. That’s how I felt in that too-familiar situation. What a creep.
Thank you for confirming my reasons for non-attendance of these events.
“I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been shut down in the first 30 seconds!”
GEE, I WONDER WHY?
Because listening politely to a guy = you are easy
UGHHHHH but also, sigh.
“I can’t imagine why all these women to whose time and attention I feel utterly entitled won’t give me the time of day — a time that is mine to begin with! The nerve of them!”
TRANS REPORT #1.5
Two open threads in one week! WOAH
I’m going to tell my parents everything this weekend, which is good. (And just out of curiosity, shouldn’t people not continually say “Oh, yeah, that makes total sense. Completely unsurprising.” when one comes out to them? Because that is the response I’ve generally been getting. I understand that people are probably trying to reassure me that I am okay and that they aren’t going to murder me with pointy sticks, but still! I want at least one “Wow, now that you mention it, that makes sense – but holy jeez am I surprised!”)
Otherwise, things are going relatively okay. I’m still super concerned about getting my voice to sound like the appropriate gender, as it requires loads of voice training. And with having to freeze my gametes if I want kids. It’s been a downer kind of week.
But enough worries! I want to leave you guys with this quote on being a transwoman. It’s from Whipping Girl, which is a really great book by Julia Serano that all of you should read.
“My femaleness is so intense that it has overpowered the trillions of lame-ass Y chromosomes that sheepishly hide inside the cells of my body. And my femininity is so relentless that it has survived over thirty years of male socialization and twenty years of testosterone poisoning.”
Hell yes. See you guys next week!
Happy to see you here again! You are brave, talking frankly with your parents. I hope your bravery will not be entirely necessary. Will your sister be there with you? She seems a good ally. Let us know how it goes.
I hear you on the “unsurprising” response. I understand the frustration you feel at that. But do give leeway for those who saw you for who you really are long ago and are *truly* unsurprised. I have a young cousin who will one day, I am sure, announce he is genderqueer. It is obvious and I will be unsurprised. Of course, I will say nothing on the subject until he does, and not just because he is still a child.
But then there are revelations that suddenly make sense of the past. When I learned a cousin had been diagnosed as bipolar in his late 40s, it explained everything about our shared childhood. None of us guessed in all those years. But instantly it seemed so natural.
And I love that Serano quote. ::hugs::
Thank you for the hugs! And for the perspective – I need to keep it in mind that other people may have seen through my cunning “male” disguise a long time ago. 🙂
I love that quote too! I’ve basically been using it as a daily affirmation sort of thing. I should really get a poster sized copy of it and hang it conspicuously in my apartment.
I hope talking with your parents goes well, and I’m glad that talking with your sister went well.
Also, thanks for choosing to share your experiences with The Toast.
You’re welcome! 🙂 It’s been a great place to talk about everything.
So glad this process is going well for you! Sending you good thoughts for your conversation with your parents. You can do this. You are brave and you are doing what’s best for you — and it’s okay to feel not-brave sometimes. It’s a big thing you’re doing, and people who love you should have your back.
Without dismissing your own absolutely reasonable reaction to those responses, some people who say “It makes sense” may just be grasping to say something (that they perceive as) supportive. Or some may be doing what we all do to some extent: build narrative in our heads, seamlessly and unconsciously restructuring those narratives to make sense of the naturally changing world around us. And, yes, some maybe see previous aspects of their experience of you in a new light that makes more sense to them now. But many of them are probably just trying to say something they think is neutral or kind or welcoming.
That doesn’t mean you can’t feel annoyed or surprised or slighted or amused or however you feel at those responses, because we feel however we feel and that’s fine. And it isn’t intended to replace your own intuition of what that might mean; obviously, you know the people and situations better than anyone else could, and you have the best sense of what people are trying to tell you when they chose those words.. It’s just a possible perspective that might explain some of the uniformity of responses.
You always have such good advice. 🙂
Good on you, going into the conversation with your parents. I hope they say ‘holy jeez!’ and give you hugs.
There’s a trans subplot in JK Rowling’s latest book & that’s how I learned about voice training & what a PITA it can be. Just take it an hour or so at a time, remember it’s a process – a transition – and focus on the vision of where you’ll be in 5 years, if the next 5 minutes gets overwhelming.
Just take it an hour or so at a time, remember it’s a process – a transition – and focus on the vision of where you’ll be in 5 years, if the next 5 minutes gets overwhelming.
This is great advice! Thanks! (Also, should I read Rowling’s latest? Is it good?)
I really liked both the Robert Galbraith books – the detective characters (Strike & Robin) are great fun & the secondary characters & the mysteries are pretty solid. Read them in order, though, if you’re going to – she builds a lot about Strike & Robin in Silkworm off of what she set up in Cuckoo’s Calling.
(You’re welcome!)
Best of luck with your parents!
Also, I love that book – thanks for reminding us of it!
Thank you! And you’re welcome. 🙂 I bought it about four years ago and still read it often.
A lot of times, that “I always knew” response is saving face in a moment where the speaker hasn’t got a clue what to say. Other times, there may have actually been some red flags. It’s sucky to receive either way. Good luck!
Toasties, I am in San Francisco! The train was a magical delight and I look forward to meeting ALL OF YOU this week! Trains are wonderful and people are garbage except Toasties. You are all wonderful. Like trains.
Trains!
Toasties, I’m spending my Fourth drinking white wine, watching House Hunters, and writing an apocryphal chapter of Ulysses entirely about female masturbation because that’s how I roll/where my seriously questionable life choices have led me. I hope those in non-thunderstomy areas enjoy the fireworks!
Toasties, I want to buy a new lens for my camera. I am hesitant because the $300+ expense seems frivolous given that I am not a particularly talented photographer and don’t use my camera that often/don’t know much about photography. (I’ve had the camera for a year and a half and still have no idea what an f-stop is.) On the other hand, a new lens would be a good learning opportunity and enable me to take different types of photos, thus building my skills. Or am I just saying that to justify an unnecessary purchase? (I can afford it, but my impulse is to hoard my money so large purchases make me uncomfortable.)
My camera came with an 18-55mm lens and the one I’m looking at is 55-300mm.
While we’re on the topic, can anyone recommend some good online resources for DSLR beginners?
An f-stop is a measurement of how wide the aperture is. The aperture is the opening that light reaches the film/sensor through.
(I took a photography class in high school, but that was with film, and I’ve never had a DSLR. And I didn’t get to take the second class. So I know a teensy bit about cameras, but not a huge amount.)
I heart my 55-300mm lens! Go for it! Are there community education classes in your area? Where I’ve lived, it’s been pretty easy to find photography classes at places like community colleges that aren’t too expensive and cover the basics like f-stops (I always forget the technical details, but the smaller the f-stop, the less is in focus). I quite like Digital Photography School for online tips.
Ooh, OOH! This is my jam, y’all. (I teach crime scene & evidence photography). A D-SLR will function just like a 35mm film SLR camera, only with a silicon-based chip instead of film. All the settings (ISO/shutter speed/aperture or f-stop) have the same effects on the photos in digital. For reference: ISO determines how quickly the camera sensor responds to light and makes a picture. Low ISO means a darker photo or you need more light to make a good photo. High ISO means the camera responds very quickly to light. You can make a photo with less light, but with the trade off of more digital noise in the photo (analogous to film grain, but different cause). Shutter speed is time. Shorter time freezes motion in a photo but requires bright light to make a picture. Longer time means brighter photos, but introduces the risk of motion blur from either the subject or the camera moving. f-stop or aperture is the size of the opening in the lens. Low f-stop means lots of light coming into the camera, but shallow depth of field (part of your image will be blurry). High f-stop means not a lot of light coming into the camera but very sharp photos. Excellent online explanation with example photos >> http://www.kevinandamanda.com/whatsnew/tutorials/…
Happy Fourth of July! This is my first Toast comment so hi (waves shyly). I’m in DC this weekend (until Sun night) and missed the open thread last week to ask: What are good things to do? Where are delicious places to eat? What are fun things to do on a Saturday night? I’m already determined to go to as many Smithsonians as I can endure. Thanks!
Hi! (waves back, exuberantly)
Find an air-conditioned place to observe the fireworks. That is today’s priority. If your hotel room does not face the show, ask at the hotel desk. They will indicate which lobby windows are best, if they have any view at all. It’s too hot in DC in July for me, but I always enjoy a walk around the pond at the Jefferson memorial. Say hello to the cherry trees for me.
Hi! I live here! It is very hot, but actually okay today! The National Portrait Gallery is beautiful! Julia’s Empanadas and Amsterdam Falafel are good if you are on a budget! Smoke and Barrel and Everlasting Life (though I guess they changed their name to something else?) are good if you are not! All other things I would recommend are food trucks which is not so helpful!
Hey there Toasties! I haven’t been sober and awake for more than four consecutive hours since I hurt my back on Tuesday! It’s been quite a fun week here at Chez Manka! Also today is the beloved’s birthday (poor thing) so we have extra reason to be non-sober! I was feeling okay enough to make bacon for breakfast, so really THINGS COULD BE A LOT WORSE.
Bacon makes everything better. Glad you’re feeling up to making some. Here’s to good bacon and good times Chez Manka.
*clink!*
Oh ow, back problems are so awful! I have some killer prescriptions I can take for my back, but they make me loopy, mess up my stomach, and don’t stop the pain, so, um, no.
I’m glad you were well enough to achieve Bacon State. I hope you’re well-er soon.
Thank you! I hope so, too! The house still smells like bacon and life is just SO good.
Happy Fourth of July to you all! If any of you wonderful Toasties are visiting Philly this weekend from out of town for our festivities (I’m excited for the fireworks at Penn’s Landing tonight), and want to meet up, let me know.
Either way: Happy birthday to the USA, and happy birthday to The Toast!
Last night I slipped on a piece of trash on the sidewalk and busted up my foot/ankle, which means I have to stay home & ice my injury rather than going to 4th of July parties. 🙁 THANKS, NEW YORK CITY.
But, my friend’s website goes live today & something I wrote is going to be one of the first-ever published pieces (and this will be the first time someone else is publishing MY writing). I’m simultaneously ecstatic and terrified.
ETA: his site uses WordPress, so I had to change my gravatar in order to have my real life identity associated with my writing. But now that means my real life identity is associated with my IntenseDebate account. Unless anyone knows how to fix this?
Sorry for your injury. And I *need* a link to your writing on this new web site. Having a bad day and may throw a tantrum out of accumulated frustration. Your link could stave off childish display of ire. Please?
Thank you! My piece isn’t up yet, but the site is http://growinguphere.com. I’ll come back & comment when it’s live! It’s about the abortion buffer zone/Hobby Lobby decisions so it might still make you angry, just for different reasons.
Thank you! And congratulations. I am proud to know you.
It’s up! http://growinguphere.com/?p=34
So good! “Niche interest” my ass. Very clear writing & smart & topical & angering.
Great writing. And yes, rage-inducing. As it should be. And that glass bowl commenter is tempting me into my Burn All Men alter-ego.
I want you to consider re-posting this link next Friday. Toasties want to see your work. I was going to post it for you, until I realized there is an anonymity issue at stake. Give the rest of us a chance to be proud to know you.
Maybe you could fix it by changing the email address for your IntenseDebate account, so that it would use the gravatar for that address? That would be a pain in the ass, but I don’t see any other options from the IntenseDebate side. There are probably options from the WordPress side if the site is self-hosted, but perhaps not if it’s wordpress.com-hosted, and if he told you that you’d have to change your gravatar then any other options might be beyond him.
If you use gmail, you could probably use an email alias for IntenseDebate, which might make the whole thing a bit less painful.
The alias totally worked!! You’re amazing.
Oh, good!
And congratulations on being published!
OH NO! I am so sorry to hear about your accident fouling up your plans. BUMMER.
I hope you get your identity situation resolved asap. I live in terror of myself being outed as Clever Manka. At least…until my parents die and I’m comfortably self-employed. =/
I downloaded Shovel Knight for my 3DS and have been playing it all day! It’s an adorable faux 8 bit mix of Wizards and Warriors, Mega Man, Zelda II, and various other Nintendo games. I also read a great article at Gamasutra about how they wanted to keep the 8 bit aesthetic but allowed themselves to break the rules for certain things, like having diverse skin colors.
This week. Oh this week. Sunday, I drive my sister and her husband 5 hours away so they can do a backpacking trip. I intended to camp with them that night and then do my own thing and come back for them in a week. After we set up the tent and start driving up to visitors’ center to get their back country permits, my car dies. Turns out transmission needs to be replaced. So instead of awesome camping trip, we spend it hiking the mile and a half between dead car and tent with all our gear, trying to get cell coverage for tow truck, hitching ride with tow truck to nearest garage an hour away, etc. End up renting uhaul to drive dead car back up to my place to figure out what to do with it–as it’s old, lots of miles, the garage we had towed it to was going to take over a week to get it fixed. And three days later finally got home, haven’t not done any fun hiking or sight-seeing whatsoever.
Same day I get home, find out the library job I interviewed for I didn’t get. And that I had forgotten to submit a piece of info on my grad school application (for library science, which is why I so desperately wanted that library job) and it was due two days earlier. I got it in but worried that’s going to count against me.
I’m sorry to hear about your shitty week! If it consoles you, I’ve sat on admissions committees, and there’s always something that’s late or doesn’t go right, even with super organized and lucky students. (Usually it’s the letters of rec from faculty, to be honest.) You will be ok. I promise you that the committee has seen it all!
Thank you, that does make me feel a little better! It was just the copy of my photo ID, so luckily not as big as something like my letters or essay; but I had checked and rechecked so many times that I had it all…
Oh GEEZ. I hope you’re at least getting a chance to relax and decompress from all this before you have to return for your sister, even though it’s with less nature than you planned.
That application thing is shitty but at this point no amount of worrying and/or self-flagellation is going to change it. In such times, we have only the Kanye shrug.
If you’re in America I hope you at least get to have a fun/diverting Independence Day, perhaps involving some delicious beverages, or your feet in a kiddie pool, or just watching things blow up that aren’t the inside of your car.
They chose to come back with me and give up their backpacking plans to make sure I got back okay (and also to make sure they had a ride back from the wilds) so I’m very glad I don’t have to worry about that. But thank you, I hope this weekend is much much better.
Happy Independence Day, or as a neighbor wrote on FB, “Indepent’s Day”, and I had to physically prevent husband from correcting and starting a neighborhood civil war. So far we’ve had a bicycle parade and a potluck feast, now we have pool party with cocktails until Big Fireworks, just as John Adams intended
The day belonging to an Independent!
Happy Indie Pants Day!
In The Pen Dance Day!
my favorite!
Happy Fourtha, Toasties. I celebrated by going to a sporting goods store and buying a mini exercycle so my legs don’t atrophy into complete uselessness while I’m living in this neighborhood with nothing to walk to. Put it together and it immediately started breaking rather extravagantly. And for some reason it made me laugh instead of bumming me out. So I guess it’s a good holiday, if a slightly dinged-up one. Hope yours is, too!
Ok, guys, I need encouragement for the weekend! I need to work and get it all done. UGH. Encouraging vibes, etc? Bless all of y’all!
From us and a man with a lot on the go himself: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6auk1TkGtVQ
Thanks, no_blues! I’m writing an important email as we speak, bolstered by your musical choice!
YOU GOT THIS. Go! Go! Go!
Thanks clevermanka, I’m going! I swear!
I’m in the same boat, you can do it!
My fourth so far has been devoted to dicking around on the Internet, writing some fanfic, and thinking about walking downstairs to the grocery store to buy some liners to make cupcakes. Also, being SO SO SO annoyed by the movers who are taking apart our old upstairs neighbor’s place. (Really sad–he’s in his seventies or eighties and lived on the fifth floor for, oh, at least a year, then he fell in his apartment and the FDNY had to come take him to the hospital. Now they’re removing his stuff, taking it who knows where.) They’re incredibly loud. It sounds like they’re literally just picking things up and dropping them on the ground.
Fanfic of what?
Avengers (movies, not comics). I write Phil Coulson/Clint Barton fic.
Toastlets, I feel like I’m losing my mind. I lost my favorite pair of work flats – they’re not under my desk or in my apartment anywhere. I locked myself out of my apartment on Wednesday night. This morning, I drove to the faraway Trader Joe’s only to realize I’d left my wallet at home. I’ve decided to spend the afternoon in front of a fan with Season 1 of Six Feet Under and leave the laundry, dinner, and wine-fetching to my boyfriend. The only way to turn this week around is to summon Amy Tan.
You need wine & sleep.
Oh, man, have definitely had a string of days like that plenty of times. I find giving up and taking a rest is the only way to hit my reset button, so I applaud your decision.
I try not to complain about the weather too much, but damn, this rain is a downer. I want to grill and have beers on the porch and bask in the sun. And that is just not happening today. Instead, sleepy nap times on couches with the boyfriend and dog, occasionally reading a book on Eleanor of Aquitaine, and pringles eating. I mean, that’s fine and all, but I kinda get irritated when summer is not very summery.
Summer means staying inside whenever possible, but certainly during daylight hours. And afternoon thunderstorms, and iced tea, and salads with fruit in them, and board games, and never, ever, ever (I can’t emphasize this enough) going outside, where there is no air conditioning.
Here’s a shallow concern I have: I need to get an Official Head Shot. I’m not a talent when it comes to makeup/hair/being fancy stuff. Is it totally lame for a 44 year old woman to get the makeup counter people to do my face for me, and then walk away without buying anything? If not, what do I do to get fancy enough looking for a photo session? And I should get the beauty school people to do my hair? Or what?
I mean, I could just keep using the selfie I took a year ago as my author photo, but it seems like I should take it up a notch.
I have a lot of actor friends and from them I’ve gleaned that simple/natural makeup and hair is the way to go for headshots (but as actors they probably want to look neutral and widely castable, possibly not the case for an author photo!)
If you feel iffy not buying from the makeup counter after getting the makeover, could you swing buying just one thing? Ideally something you might use later but if not, then the cheapest thing so you won’t mind if it sits in a drawer forever.
Enjoy your photo taking 🙂
Thanks for this – it’s very helpful! And, sure, I could buy something. I just never use makeup so it seems silly, but I think it’ll feel sillier to own it than to walk away post-makeover without something.
You know, I didn’t even think of wearing makeup when I got a head shot done (I, too, am a 44 year old writer, go figure). I never wear it and it feels weird if I do.
Anyway, I was pretty low-key about the whole thing, because it was my partner who took the photos (she is a photographer and artist). I think it turned out well though with no make-up and my hair as I usually wear it (you can see it here if you’d like, slightly cropped: http://blackheartmagazine.com/2014/03/11/simply-j…
You’re not me, so my approach may not be your cup of tea, but here’s what I have done.
1. When short of money: I have gone to the makeup counter when not busy. Say, a Monday at 10 a.m. Ask for a minimal/natural look. Withstand the sales pitches and spend a pre-planned amount on something you can give away, like a lipstick and blush. They will be fresh, unopened, so your sister/friend will not get anything used.
2. Spend a bit: make an appointment with a makeup artist. Get and pay for exactly what you want on the exact day you want. Even here in Small Town Texas all the better hair salons offer this service. Paying full price means you get to say, that’s too much eye makeup; start over, please. My sister got very good natural-looking makeup when she was up front about never wearing it and wanting to recognize herself in her photos.
Congratulations on needing an Official Head Shot.
Happy 4th to all the American Toasties. It is my birthday so I am having fun with the husband. We saw a movie and now we are having a cookout.
Enjoy the weekend everyone!
Happy birthday!!
Happy birthday!
There’s a job at the mental health facility that is so close my house that it would alleviate a lot of my getting to work problems. The only thing is it’s an administrative specialist job. The requirements are:
State Requirement: A high school diploma. Related clerical experience may be substituted for a high school diploma. Agency Requirement: A high school diploma and two years of clerical experience; or an associate degree in secretarial science or other related field; or three years of clerical experience. Proficient in Microsoft Excel.
I have a bachelor’s in Political Science and not a lot of work experience/no relevant work experience. I am proficient in Excel, though. There’s always that.
Apply! You can probably pick up a lot of the skills on the job. And as someone who has been on the employer side of hiring, job descriptions are to employers as resumes and cover letters are to applicants: always a little inflated and tailored to the non-existent dream candidate. When you write your cover letter, emphasize your relevant skills – computer (Excel, etc.), teamwork, organization, dealing with stress and deadlines, etc. Good luck!
This. I am a career secretary =) and any good employer is going to focus more on your talents (innate organization, professionalism, personal responsibility) than your skills. Skills can always be learned. And if you gotta pick ONE program to know, Excel’s the right one.
If you can do anything at all in Excel people think you’re a wizard; it’s an EXCELlent (see what I did there? huh? see it?) ego boost.
It’s true! I know one good trick in Excel — I have mastered the arcane art of vlookup — and that’s enough to make everyone at my work think I’m a sorcerer.
Thanks, y’all. That’s reassuring to hear.
I think I’m going to work on my resume and cover letter until it gets dark and my brother shoots off fireworks.
As someone who’s read more than her share of badly-assembled resumes, I can tell you that it totally makes a difference to see one that is neat, has correct spelling & grammar, and internal logic.
Things like: if your work experience from job 1 says “I facilitated blahblah and instituted yaddayadda” and then your work experience from job 2 says “facilitating blahblah and instituting yaddayadda” – both are correct, but why not take the time to put both in the same style?
(Speaking of styles, just please, for the love of all that’s good in the universe, use only one font, and make it a ‘boring’ one. You can bold your name or whatever, but don’t get cute.)
(No longer having to read resumes is such a good part of having left my job!)
I accidentally started seriously shopping for a puppy last night which is a bad idea for so, so many reasons. Not the least of which is that I’m considering quitting my [dog-friendly workplace] job and finding a new one that pays more. Luckily, the only perfect puppy that i found is from a rescue that has one of my hard limits as a requirement for adoption. This is the universe telling me I don’t need a puppy, right? Right.
Puppies have little trouble finding homes. Please put off your plans until you find an adult dog who truly needs you and fits your changing situation.
My humble suggestion: Schedule regular visits to local shelters and rescues. Learn which dogs are lingering and why. Get to know the staff and they will get to know you. They will contact you with that just-right dog who also needs you. Historically hard to place dogs: adults, black coats, shy, noisy, easily accommodated eating disorder, etc. These are so often superficial reasons, but these wonderful dogs go without forever homes. And you can make a difference.
Don’t forget my favorite aspect of adopting adult dogs: They come pre-trained. Already housebroken. That’s two years of mess and effort – avoided.
Awesome. C'est ici. I'm super proud of my work, especially the long fic that starts with Good Books, Bad Movies, but always feel somewhat awkward offering porn to strangers outside of AO3. 🙂
Thank you! Right after my dad died I begged for anything not involving dead parents from one of my review gigs, and they sent me Jenny Lawson's book. I was sure my neighbors thought I'd lost what was left of my mind because I laughed for a day and a half, both hard and loudly. I'm def. gonna check out Jincy Willett now, so yay! Wishing you better health and more chances to marry people to books!