Charles Dickens’ Internet Search History

muppetchristmascarol_commentary3

Urchins

How to identify an urchin

What do urchins eat?

Can urchins read?

Is gruel real?

What is gruel?

What is in gruel?

Gruel recipes

How to spell ‘gruel’?

Actress ankles

Charles Dickens

“Charles Dickens”

“Charles Dickens” + Actress

How + To + Keep + Affairs + Secret

Suitable + Gifts + Angry + Wife

Standard goose measurements

Workhouse + Duties

Believable surnames

Unnaturally large bustles

Good + Ways + To + End + Book

Elizabeth Gaskell

Elizabeth Gaskell Amazon rank

Elizabeth Gaskell feet

Building partition in marital home

How do the poor talk?

How do the underclass talk?

How do lowlifes talk?

What is a barrowboy?

Things misers say

Things judges say

Things women say

Believable things women say

Uncomplicated undergarments

Strumpets + Mild

Etchings + Bawdy

Urchin + Fail

Surprising plot twists

Unfeasible plot twists

Am I a gadfly?

Grim House

Dour House

Bad House

Nasty House

Appalling House

Huge impractical bicycles

Queen Victoria

Queen Victoria pics

Queen Victoria feet

Frenchmen + Habits

Frenchmen + Hats

How do Frenchmen walk?

Am I a Frenchman?

Barnaby Rudge + Euphemism

Wilkie Collins Amazon rating

Wilkie Collins + Fraud

Wilkie Collins + Gossip

Wilkie Collins + Dirt

Wilkie Collins + Love child

Wilkie Collins + Scullery Maid

Scullery Maid

Scullery Maid ankles

Am I a gadabout?

Water closet irregularities

Dorrits + Size

Fallen woman + Pics

What is a normal number of ghosts?

Reproductive habits of the poor

Privy habits of the poor

Cannibalism habits of the poor

Do people really say ‘odds bodkins’?

Girls with parasols

Charles Dickens

“Charles Dickens”

“Charles Dickens” bald

“Charles Dickens” genius

Removing urchin blood from frock coat

Urchin synonyms

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30 Comments

  1. jadoogan +70

    spontaneous combustion

    spontaneous combustion real

    spontaneous combustion is real

    what do people smell like when they spontaneously combust

  2. Either_Ada +104

    I am not surprised that an internet search for “Believable things women say” failed Dickens so spectacularly.

    1. helvetica547 +44

      I was thinking there must be a great story between Things women say and Believable things women say. I also feel like there should be one search before that, Can women say things?.

      1. Either_Ada +51

        Well, obviously they can’t. Their delicate modesty chokes the words in their throats, should their angelic natures fail to prevent them from forming a substantive thought in the first place. The only reason I am able to respond to this is because I am currently possessed by the Ghost of Mansplainers Past.

  3. zachariahary +57

    So, I know in my heart that someone somewhere has staged a marine life version of Oliver Twist where he is a sea urchin, but I can’t find evidence of it on the internet and, uh, it’s beginning to upset me.
    Help? Where is it? Is this truly not the best of all possible worlds??

    [Attempts to work the word Panglossian into this comment; finds no good reason to; feels justified shame over the pretentiousness of having wanted to use it in the first place; stands on a windswept cliff during a thunderstorm screaming curses at the cruel liberal arts god that made me this way; dies]

    1. freshwaterpearl +37

      They just haven’t found the right sea-urchin actor for the part. It’s hard to convey Oliver’s innocence and vulnerability when you’re covered with spikes.

      1. zachariahary +16

        Whew. Thank you. I feel better. Also just spent five minutes looking at pictures of sea urchins, which helped a lot.

  4. Chance Hale +76

    Honestly my favorite thing about Dickens is that the only reason he would ever google “reasonable surnames” would be to laugh at how bland they all are. Like if you can get away with naming somebody Pumblechook you damn well name them Pumblechook and never look back.

  5. Mairead +17

    “smoking bishop” + recipe

    “milk punch” + recipe

    what do the poor drink

    “gin and lemon punch” + recipe

    “dog’s nose” + recipe

    what is flip

  6. Household_Opera +21

    Grim House

    Dour House

    Bad House

    Nasty House

    Appalling House

    I snort-laughed out loud at that sequence.

  7. coryyc +7

    I was finishing my annual Bleak House read yesterday, and my edition has photocopies of his draft memo pages, basically his working outline pages. This isn’t very far off: (Tom All Alone’s. Tom All Alone’s and the East Wind. Tom All Alone’s and The House that Got Into Chancery and Never Got Out. Tom All Alone’s and the Chancery Suit).

    1. ClareGS +2

      Those are so bizarre and fascinating, seeing as none of them sound remotely like any of his other novel titles!

    2. MmeSiniichulok +2

      I’m about to start my annual Bleak House read! I’m so glad that someone else does that too!