Top keywords for this week’s Buttered offerings: ‘Artisanal,’ ’Rich and creamy,’ ‘Hand-churned by our sleek, muscle-bound writers.’

I was flipping through the movie channels the other day when I came across In the Blood, starring Gina Carano. The plot is pretty basic. Carano and her husband, played by Cam Gigandet, are on their honeymoon in the Caribbean. At first, it’s all lovely–Gigandet is wealthy and his family has a nice home on the island where the newlyweds frolic and fuck. They meet a local and go dancing. They have more sex. And then, the husband disappears during

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