Inspired by The Pillow Book (枕草子) of Sei Shōnagon (清少納言), completed 1002 AD OPENING WORDS THAT ANNOY -When I was your age... -Have you gained weight? -Have you lost weight? -Are you familiar with the Gospels? -Not to be racist, but... -I don't have anything against gay people, but... THOUGHTS THAT ACHE -Your parents before they became parents. -The feel of your (now deceased) cat's head under your hand.