Humor Things I Regret Not Saying to the Hostess at the Mandarin Oriental Hotel Bar
...when she said my male friend had to leave because "gentlemen are required to wear long pants after eight pm," and it was 97 degrees out and the bar was totally empty. Which she had every right to do, because it's a private establishment and she did not set the policy.1. "This place has a pretty offensive name and logo for a conglomerate owned by a Scottish business dynasty, when you think about it. Do you think Edward Said would drink here? Moreover, how much of your job involves binary gender policing?"2. "Oh, he's no gentleman." (male friend mimes tying me to a railroad track) "See?"3. "I am an eccentric Texan oil billionaire, and I was going to buy this hotel chain, but now I'm going to buy the Westin group instead."(Go away, come back with Rodeo Drive store bags filled with glasses of artisanal gin and tonic.)4. "Big mistake. Big. Huge!"
