Pt. I can be found here. When I discovered that my new friend, Carrie, had been a finalist in the 1992 Sassiest Girl in America contest, I screamed and freaked out and she handled it much more nicely than the 1990 Sassiest Girl, who to be fair was not my friend and I had ambushed her in the creepiest way possible on the first day of school. She showed me the magazine, and I remembered…

"The Least Sassy Girl in America, Pt. II" will run later today.

From a very young age, what I wanted most in the world was to be discovered by and taken in hand by an older, wiser, cooler, female mentor. My mother has always been very supportive and encouraging, which I now know is far from universal, but as much as I enjoyed and counted on her attention and praise, I also dismissed

…