darling Emma
have you seen our friend Mr. Martin?
he was to take me to tea this afternoon but he isn’t here
oh Harriet!
do you really still like him??
oh
I did
yes
i told him you were not virtuous
and i think that got rid of him
i didn’t think you still liked him
you wouldn’t have liked him for much longer anyhow
lol what would your name even have been if you married him
“Mrs. Farmer”??
that’s not even a name, Harriet
“hi I’m Mrs. Farmer I’m married to a farm”
bugs live on farms, Harriet
also
for another thing
he is dreadful at whist
oooh
do you want to come over and play whist??
wait
i think it was Mr. Martin
i definitely told SOMEONE you were not virtuous
lollll
idk who exactly but
it was for sure definitely someone
Father
I want to make a new house rule
no more servants getting married
remember when Miss Taylor got married?
it was awful
we didn’t have enough people in the house to play whist for weeks
anyhow
I guess what I’m trying to say
is I told Hannah she has to turn down Mr. Smith
I was firm but fair
she’s the only one in the servant’s hall to ever lead a grand slam
and she wanted to throw that away
just because she is with child
anyhow
want to come downstairs and play whist???
One new voicemail from Jane Fairfax
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do you know what I can’t stand
what
reserved people
oh my god right
I could definitely never marry a reserved person
ahhhhhh Frank
I’m the same
me too I’m the same way
do you know what I LOVE though
living life to the fullest
shut up
and dancing
and whist??
oh totally whist
whisting to the fullest
I agree completely
wow
we’re like the same person
the same not-reserved person
I’ve never met anyone like you
Frank
would you like to come over and play whist?
no –
not whist
Piquet
ahhh sorry can’t
i’m married
🙁
Tags: emma, jane austen, meddling, texts from, whist, whisting to the fullest
Voicemail from Jane Fairfax, my god.
WHISTING TO THE FULLEST
Ugh, Frank. Frank and Emma totally deserved each other. Both are pretty much the worst.
Take it back, Emma is the BEST. So annoying, so sheltered, so uninformed…so awesome.
And Mr. Knightley is the best of all the Austen men – so “old,” so grumpy, so wonderful.
That’s why she doesn’t deserve him.
But that’s the best part of Austen! No one deserves anyone. They just fall in love — painful, growing up love — and are shocked at the new side of themselves they find because of it.
Ugh, I need to go home and read Emma already.
I also feel like in some way Emma must have some good qualities if Mr. Knightley is so crazy in love with her. He pointedly doesn’t love, for example, Mrs. Elton.
But, but, but Emma is actually the best she’s just so very sheltered! She’s smart enough enough to be bored by her lot in life, capable enough to run the house but unlike other heroines she’s also not a terribly serious person. I mean, she tries in her own way and she tries to be helpful but her idea of being helpful is also meant to amuse herself and is also informed by her little not-quite-reality bubble.
She starts out a bit obnoxious but I’d argue that she learns from her failures in a way that other Austen heroines don’t really.
I mean, look do you hate Cher and Clueless because we might have to have words.
ALL OF THIS
Emma is also, other than Lizzie Bennet, the most outright willing to be funny.
Also, this was wonderful, please never stop. I also politely submit a request for the continued usage of the “whisting to the fullest” tag.
God, I hate Emma.
Me too. I hate her so much, I can’t even make it through the book.
I love terrible Emma.
“do you know what I can’t stand? reserved people.”
also can we get mary crawford sometime? pretty please??
Seconded! But like, first season Mary, none of this “changed person” nonsense.
Not long ago I read David Liss’ The Twelfth Enchantment, which is Mary Crawford fanfic plus Byron and wizards. B+ but would read again.
Oh. my. god. I am going to have to read this, because my last reading of Mansfield Park left me CONVINCED that Mary Crawford is obviously a witch. I also ship her with Fanny, because fuck Edmund, seriously, fuck him so much, he is a perfectly awful combination of judgmental, hypocritical, and weak-willed.
I live for this Texts From… series. It is on my “list of reasons why I should get out of bed and go to work today.”
The only time I ever liked Emma was when she was Cher Horowitz
I think we can all agree on that.
But what’s the brief against Emma that can’t also be invoked against Cher? (I like them both.)
(Probably the only way to settle this would be to get a Texts from Cher Horowitz… what’s the latest a literary work can date and still qualify as pre-texting?)
Admittedly, I don’t have much of a rational basis for my like/ dislike!
Texts from Cher Horowitz: YES.
I mean, they have cell phones and pagers, but NOBODY TEXTED IN THE 90S IT’S A FACT DO IT TEXTS FROM CHER HOROWITZ.
Can we discuss how Gwyneth Paltrow really was the perfect actress for that role?
I would, but I have never been able to bring myself to finish the movie. And I like me some subdued, slow-paced period movies (c.f. The Age of Innocence) but not that one.
I thought GOOP made her character quite a bit pettier and bitchier than the book. (Although Jeremy Northam was a wonderful Mr. Knightley.) I prefer the Romola Garai/Jonny Lee Miller mini-series from a few years ago.
Thank you for telling me that there is a Romola Garai version! I thought she was a perfect Gwendolyn to Hugh Dancy’s impossibly beautiful Daniel Deronda, and I would love to see her as Emma. Even though she never ever closes her trembling lips, even when not speaking.
Also, apologies if my comment comes through weird. For some reason this page is appearing differently to me than it did an hour ago.
There is a Romola Garai version, and it’s amazing! It’s a 4-hour mini-series, so they can luxuriate in the details of the story, instead of skipping entire plot lines (ahem, GOOP version). Garai really emphasizes the naiveté and shelteredness (?) of Emma that Gwyneth sort of misses. Also stars Jonny Lee Miller as Mr. Knightley, Michael Gambon as Mr. Woodhouse, and Tamsin Greig as Miss Bates. Not sure if it’s on Netflix.
she’s so wonderfully perfect as Emma. god. GOD.
I apologize for not having anything better to add.
I watched and enjoyed the movie, but could not slog through the book because I hate Emma so much. I understand that she is actually supposed to be awful and is not an admirable character – she is flawed and (sort of) redeems herself, but I have trouble finishing a book when all I want to do is shake the protagonist.
Has anybody tried the new Emma Approved webseries, from the people who did the Lizzie Bennet Diaries? I’ve been watching but I don’t know how I feel about it. I know that Emma is supposed to be obnoxious, so I’m curious how they’re going to mitigate that … it seems like an odd choice for a show that’s so focused on one person, for that person to be so unlikable.
Yes! I’m mixed also. Ahhh they did such a good job making Lydia amazing that I will probably give them the benefit of the doubt for the whole season, who am I kidding.
True, the whole Lydia arc in LBD was so masterfully done I’m willing to forgive them a lot!
Yeah, I was surprised by how little we see of anyone else but Emma. I liked the Lizzie Bennet Diaries, so I’m hoping it gets better somehow, but it hasn’t been super engaging up to now.
Even though I’m not a big fan of Emma, it’s Mr. Knightly who creeps me out and prevents me from enjoying the story. In the book, does it say that Mr. Knightly keeps advising and correcting Emma out of the goodness of his heart as a friend and fellow human being, and then somewhere along the way falls in love with her? That might redeem it a bit, because the whole older-guy-grooming-younger-woman-to-be-his-perfect-future-mate thing is just icky.
We don’t get a lot of Knightly’s perspective, but the text does say that he realizes his feelings for Emma when he starts getting jealous of Frank Churchill – “one sentiment having probably enlightened him as to the other.” Then he runs away to Emma’s sister’s house (which doesn’t help because she’s like a slightly less fun Emma). So he never actually interacts with her much after consciously knowing that he’s in love with her.
Still, it’s weird how they are both able to leap instantly from scold/scoldee to “we’re in lurve!”
To be fair, the Emma/Mr. Knightley relationship before they realize they’re in love is a bit more complex than “scold/scoldee.” They’ve known each other for 20+ years, they’re in-laws, they argue at the dinner table, they enjoy each other’s company… they’re friends, more than any of the other main Austen couples are friends.
I agree, Knightly’s got a good heapin helpin of creeper mixed in with all of that ‘oh aren’t I just the most frightfully decent gentleman’.
Phrase I will now use all the time, regardless of appropriateness: whisting to the fullest.
Emma is my favorite Austen novel. I don’t know what this says about me.
It’s mine too! I love Emma. Both the book and the character. I think (not positive) that Austen herself considered Emma to be her most perfect
The one I hate is Fanny from Mansfield Park. Basically I hate everyone in that book and want to shake them all very hard. Except the pug.
Austen’s favorite character is Emma, you’re right! She wrote letters to her sister about it.
Aren’t you supposed to hate Fanny, though? The thing about Mansfield Park is that it’s Austen’s enormous fuck you to the standard female heroine archetype of the time. Fanny Price is underdeveloped and meek and kind of one-dimensional, and Mary Crawford is the more typical Austen heroine, and the whole thing feels wrong all the way around.
Tl;dr: we all hate Fanny, even her creator.
“I am going to write a character whom no one but myself will much like…”
I really hope I’m supposed to hate Fanny, because she is an enormous drip.
“Hello, my name is Fanny Price and I can neither make a decision nor have an opinion.”
Fanny Price is amazing though! Horrible family keep her under their boot heel for most of her formative years, crushing any sense of self-confidence or will of her own, and yet when they try to make her betray her principles/marry some loser she still says no. Which is a really brave thing, given her personality and the time she’s living in.
Rest of cast are mostly loathsome though.
Poor Maria, all the same 🙁
Yes! Fanny is awesome. She is at the mercy of her neglectful and insulting relatives and can’t talk back or otherwise stand up for herself like Austen’s other heroines have the luxury of doing–if she were to offend her relatives, she gets sent home and her family of 10 (on a very small income with an alcoholic/mostly unemployed father) suffers for it. As you say, she’s spent most of her formative years in a house where she’s ignored, berated, or made to feel guilty for the room and board she’s being provided–despite earning her keep by being everyone’s errand girl. The only mark of kindness if from her cousin Edmund, who’s usually away at school.
And yet, despite the timidity and lack of self-confidence, Fanny has an infallible moral compass and won’t let anyone pressure her from doing what she thinks is wrong (remarkable for an adult, even more remarkable for an 18 year old who might otherwise be glad to do anything her peers say to get the positive feedback she’s so sadly lacking); she’s unerring in correctly assessing other people’s characters; and won’t throw herself away on a marriage to a man she doesn’t love or trust. And saying no to Sir Thomas and the others at the end and finally placing her own needs before everyone else’s, is probably a sign of greater growth than any of Austen’s characters engage in. (There’s an interesting parallel in how Sir Thomas undergoes the only growth that we see in any of Austen’s parents. Mr Bennet talks about it, but as he says, he knows he’ll immediately fall back to his old apathy. All the other parents remain the same from first to last.)
Especially Edmund. The whole time I was reading it I had the greatest urge to smack him over the head. Grow some balls man!!!!!!
Oh, I remember when Kate Beckinsale used to look like that. Huh.
Reading Emma always fills me with so much secondhand embarrassment.
Please please SO MUCH PLEADING for you to do the governess from Turn if the Screw (or Maggie Verver! Or Isabel Archer! Or Daisy Miller! Whichever!)
MAGGIE VERVER YES PLEASE.
Actually, all of the above. Let’s James it up in here.
Oooooohhhhh … Tamsin Greig. Green Wing! (JFYI). I have always had a thing for Tamsin Grieg.
And Sue White FOR THE WIN!
Texts from Ayn Rand. Go on. Slay me.
You wound and offend me with your less-than-careful reading. http://the-toast.net/2013/08/19/texts-from-dagny-…
Oh! Delight!! Together with my full and unreserved apology. Indeed, I am not worthy.
I know people hate Emma, but I think you have to imagine what it would be like to be on your own in a small town, caring for your querulous old father, not many prospects for friends or potential mates–the Romola Garai miniseries really brings this aspect out. I think it’s so interesting how Emma is a woman who has played by all the rules for women and mastered the social game, and yet she ends up being punished for doing the things she’s been brought up to do/rewarded for doing in the past. I have a lot of feelings about Emma, you guys.
MAGGIE VERVER YES PLEASE.
Actually, all of the above. Let's James it up in here.