happy birthday
Oh, Dag
you remembered
I got you something
you did?
that’s so sweet
I got you the greatest gift one human being can offer another person
you didn’t have to do that
what is it?
I have achieved something
Oh, gosh
well
I made an achievement all by myself and no one can touch it or sully it with their dirty jealous fingers and no one can take it away from me, never never never
so
happy birthday
thank you, Dagny
Yes.
You’re welcome.
COMMUNISM
what about Communism?
WATCH OUT FOR IT
all right
IT’S EVERYWHERE
all right
SO WATCH OUT
I will.
do you love me, Hank
really love me, I mean?
I love you, you know
I love the way you run the motor of the world
I love you like a train
Like a what?
it’s the highest and purest form of love there is, Hank
the love of a woman for a train
gosh but I love trains
that little whistle
the knowledge that you could roll merrily over any one of your enemies and crush their thick skulls with your harnessed steel-beasts
those hot little rolls they have in the dining car
do we have any of those rolls left?
I’ll find out
trains trains trains
I do love em
do you know who I just hate
who?
everybody
everybody but us
do you want to come over
right now?
yeah
all right
you know what we should do?
what?
you should just
stay over
and we can go on strike
on strike from what?
on strike from everybody
because fuck em
I don’t know if you noticed this
but my shoulder was naked in my evening gown tonight
I did see that
it was my gown’s only ornament, that naked shoulder
Very nice
well, also the diamond band
that was the other ornament I had on
so the shoulder was naked
but my wrist had diamonds on it
Right
did those diamonds make you think of chains
Chains are so terribly feminine, you know
almost as feminine as a naked shoulder
mm
Guess what
my shoulder is naked right now
Oh
well
underneath my blazer it is naked
both of my shoulders are naked
underneath my blazer
I see
does that make you want to chain them up
I’m awfully sorry
but I have to go to a meeting now
you can chain me up after your meeting then
I’ll think about that
Francisco
Francisco are you awake?
Francisco?
what is it
Francisco, I can’t sleep
I’m sorry
I had a bad dream
the one about the Communists?
I don’t want to talk about it
tell me about the root of money again, Francisco
what time is it?
Come on, Francisco
tell me
I’ll help get you started
“Money is a root of exchange…”
Dag, please
I have to work in the morning
“Paper is a mortgage on wealth that does not exist…”
you don’t even need me to tell you what money is
I like the way that you tell it best
all right
all right, I’ll tell you about the root of money
do that voice you do for the looters, ok
do your looters voice
I’ll do my looters voice
k
[Image via Wikimedia Commons]
Tags: atlas shrugged, ayn rand, dagny taggart, texts from
Francisco
I am texting to tell you that while you are still a favorite boyfriend
you are not THE favorite boyfriend
I found a new one who is more favorite than you are
I hope you can accept this with manly restraint and acknowledgement of his clear superiority
also he does not understand consent, so that’s pretty hot
okay well
I have to text Hank now
about my new best boyfriend
ttyl <3 <3 [ooo]-[ooo]-[ooo]
(that was a train, did you like it)
Dag is, as pet names go, unconscionable.
“trains trains trains
I do love em”
That right there coulda saved me reading about 300 pages of Atlas Shrugged.
Admit it, none of you people have read “Atlas Shrugged.”
IT’S OKAY, YOU’RE BETTER OFF.
I think those of us who have should share their tales of woe. I read it my freshman year of college and got my wisdom teeth out halfway through. Reading John Galt’s speech while dosed up on Vicodin is the only way to go. (Seriously, has anyone not under the influence of mind-altering substances ever finished it?)
No, they have not finished it.
Oh I read it, but I skipped over all the philosophy monologues.
Also, I was 19 and I had a crush on a stupid stupid boy. *shakes fist at sky*
I agree I would have been better off having not read it.
All of it except the 100-page speech, and also I wrote an essay on it and it won a hundred dollars even though I wrote the essay entirely between acts of Twelfth Night. I wish I had spent the money in an ironic way, like giving it to pro-universal healthcare groups, but I probably spent it on beer.
I read it several times as a teenager, which is probably all to the good since it got the philosophy out of my system at an early enough age, but I still kind of enjoy remembering the ridiculous soap opera parts, like the naked shoulder, and Dagny’s magical vagina that makes all Men of Genius (and Eddie Willers, who is just competent) fall in love with her, and like, isn’t there a Norwegian pirate????
I am very proud that even as an almost entirely uncritical thirteen-year-old, I managed to figure out that a utopian capitalist paradise in the middle of the Rocky Mountains was, shall we say, implausible. Then I read it again about four years later and was like, “yep, this is weird and stupid and also rapey. Fringehead out.”
I received “Atlas Shrugged” as a birthday present a few years ago from a coworker, and thought, oh what the hell, let me page through it. Opened a page at random and it was a rape scene. Upon which I delicately laid it down on my table so I would not give into the urge to throw it against the wall.
I apologized to my coworker, so sorry, haven’t had a chance to read it yet, so busy. Then I waited until she left for her new job and immediately traded it in for “Siddhartha” and Tina Fey’s “Bossypants”.
Two of my best friends say it’s their favourite book. TWO OF THEM. They’re good people, I swear.
It’s basically the only book I’ve ever wanted to burn for being just so terrible. I think I made it through 60 pages? Maybe?
I, honest-to-god, used to date a girl with a dog named after “the greatest heroine in literature, Dagny Taggart.” The sex was terrific until I actually tried to read the book. Then I began to have the same reaction to her as the deadhead who ran out of drugs..
OH MY GOD I LOVE THIS SO MUUUUUCH. Nothing makes me happier than Ayn Rand jokes that are based on actual Ayn Rand writing, rather than some blog post someone read about objectivism one time. I’m gonna cry. THE NAKED SHOULDER!!! Remember when Dagny flings her diamond bracelet at Lillian at a party???
I like to think that the first set of texts is to Eddie Willers. Poor sap.
Omg but bracelets made of Rearden Steel are *soo* much hotter and more difficult to procure.
yessss this was my thought as well! Forever getting his competent little heart broken
Then you might enjoy this episode of the Dead Authors podcast, in which Ayn Rand (John Hodgman) is brought to the future by H.G. Wells (Paul F. Tompkins). It’s pretty excellent, especially the audience questions.
Ayn Rand is unintentionally the funniest person i the world. http://www.newyorker.com/humor/2013/07/29/130729s…
Are u coming over later? To the $trike?
Who is this? new phone
John Galt.
Who?
I didn’t think it was diamonds. I thought it was a chain made of Rearden steel.
Ooh but remember, the Rearden Metal chain is originally his wife Lillian’s, and she is like UGH MY HUSBAND IS AN IDIOT, I WISH I HAD A DIAMOND BRACELET INSTEAD, and then Dagny is like “it is a deal, give me that ugly thing” and so they trade as Hank glowers at the whole thing from the corner in a fit of unspeakable rage and arousal. Best party everrrrrrr
Aaaaand I just realized the reason I can’t remember is that it was 10 fucking years ago when I read it. That hurts my brain. Technically more than 1/3 of my life ago.
Ooof.
She traded for the chain! It was Symbolic.
my friend named one of his three cats dagny taggart. it is blind in one eye and incredibly dumb.
I realize I am over two years late but HAVE YOU GUYS SEEN THIS:
http://www.booksmith.com/event/shipwreck-presents…
(Live podcast of erotic fanfic, in this case featuring Atlas Shrugged characters.)