“It is my belief that an acute [NOUN A] of (the) [NOUN B] is the cause of your [BODY PART] [NOUN C]. The only possible treatment is to apply [NOUN D] [LENGTH OF TIME], otherwise avoiding [OBSOLETE/MADE-UP DISEASE] may prove impossible.”

NOUN A

Paucity
Surfeit
Buildup
Drying-up
Heresy
Corruption
Exacerbation
Pulsing
Stirring up
Persistence
Wandering
Somnolence
Agitation
Overabundance
Suppuration
Moistening
Softening
Infrigidation
Inflammation
Lassitude
Rheumatism
Festering
Dislocation
Accumulation
Want
Sympathy
Lack
Vagabondery
Aggregation
Wistfulness
Excess
Migration
Folly
Stagnation

NOUN B

Black bile
Old blood
Choler
Serosal excretions
Green bile
Sexual activity
Menstrual forces
Vital salts
Sperm
Lesser vitamins
Skull
Lungs
Neck
Lymphs
Joint
Minerals
Moral fiber
Womb
Anti-vitamins
Pulsing enzymes
Electrical impulses
Arteries
Leg
Mucous
Spleen
Cool blood

BODY PART

Neck
Earlet
Skin
The Globe of Ares
Nerviles
Membrane
Spinal column
Brain sheath
Flanks

NOUN C

Lugubriousness
Failure
Congealing
Milk leg
Asthenia
Dipsomania
Goiters
Miasmas
Numbness
Demagnetization
Fits
Irritation
Disenfortitude
Giantism
Lumbago
Night fevers
Partial polio
Decrepitude
Ulcerations
Delinquency
Paroxysms
Insalubriousness
Too much salubriousness
Morbidity
Enfeeblement
Rising of the Lights
Morning complaint
Ague
Rebellion
Grotesqueries
Flux

NOUN D

Emetics
Tobacco smoke
Bed rest
Copper
Trepanning
Peppermint tea leaves
Vigorous massage
A trained haruspex
Grape skins
Lots of opium
Vigorous paddling
Corsets
Mormon wafers
Burnett’s Extracts
Nerve and brain ointments
A Roman bath
Hot ashes
A heroin belt
Ice water
Sawdust
Tapeworms
Chloroform
Four drops of mercury
A sound beating
Sulphur
Cocaine
A sweating cure
Electricity

LENGTH OF TIME

At once
Before Whitsuntide
Immediately
After Michaelmas
Posthaste
In a fortnight’s time
Apace
For at least an hour every day

OBSOLETE/MADE-UP DISEASE

Apoplectic rinderpest
Throat rage
Vestibulitis
Pubic reversal
Liver shortage
Nightingale eyes
The bilious chokes
English dropsy
Syphilitic splenitis
Festering mania
Triple rickets
The fisherman’s malady
Weird ankles
Elbow whimsy
Night dropsy
Wandering heart
Yaws
Membranous croup
Quinsy
Gentleman’s abscess
Tingling ligaments
Dracunculiasis
Partial death

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