What Leonard Cohen Says When He Wakes Up -The Toast

1. “The sun’s like a razor you polish at night, just so it can cut you and make you bleed on these sheets.”

2. “You’re beautiful. And all that beauty can get away from you, babe.”

3. “I don’t think we have any muffins.”

4. “Dreams are still pulling at me, sweetheart. I was on the highway, driving for days. I was a trucker. Long distance. You were a whore. Jesus was there. He played cards and showed me the chords to a Townes van Zandt song.”

5. “Let’s sleep in huh? I’m surprisingly old.”

6. “All these mornings, baby. It’s just a zero sum game where the only winner is St Peter. And he’s an asshole.”

7. “I’m not a monk anymore, though.”

8. “We pay a price for love. And sometimes love pays a price for us.”

9. “Moments get lost. That’s their métier; to become missing. But I don’t want this one to vanish and join the others in the grand invisible parade. This moment needs to be always incandescent, forever visible in all of its flawed perfection.”

10. “I can’t jog this morning. I’m eating turkey bacon. Isn’t that enough? Fuck jogging.”

11. “Well, the ruined world wants to see me again. And I can’t help but be vain about it. So let me wet my razor while you pour the coffee in that nightgown that’s too short. And then, then let me see the world.”

12. “The last time I woke up like this it was in 1975. And she was a cello player.”

13. “I’m not telling you any more Janis Joplin stories.”

14. “This hotel is where love goes to forge papers.”

15. “I only talk in my sleep when I’m not dreaming loud enough.”

16. “What time is it? When did I go to sleep? All I remember is our ghosts arguing while we stayed silent, letting the wine crash against the beaches of our bodies.”

17. “Do you want to do something today? Or just binge watch OITNB again?”

18. “This reminds me of 1968. Montreal. Belle’s apartment. There were more people, of course. That was the sixties. Always too many people, always not enough beds.”

19. “I think it’s snowing out there. I’m glad we’re in here, where it’s warm. Here, in this bed made of our sins where we trust each other in these sculpted betrayals.”

20. “I hate your roommates. They eat my yogurt.”

21. “Hank Williams III just texted me and asked how lonely does it get. I’m not texting him back yet.”

Kevin Sharp lives in Pittsburgh with his wife and two sons. He tweets @el_ksharp. His novel isn't writing itself.

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deleted7410012 111p · 578 weeks ago

love leonard cohen, love this. in truth, he could write an album about yogurt-eating roommates and i would still love it.

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amanita 110p · 578 weeks ago

“I’m not telling you any more Janis Joplin stories." So perfect.

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+14 Vote up Vote down

Linette 125p · 578 weeks ago

"Good morning, Sharon Robinson, she who helped co-write my songs, shares my life, and has the most gorgeous voice yet heard on woman, thus making us The Couple With The Most Ridiculously Seductive Voices Alive."

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Loony_Lovegood · 578 weeks ago

Damn roommates! Eatin' my yogurt! Can the next one be "What Tom Waits Says When He Wakes Up"?

You're such a crumbling beauty. Eh, there's nothing wrong with you that $100 wouldn't fix. Go wash your face, honey.

I told you yesterday that tomorrow morning there'd be laundry. Well, go get the Tide ColorGuard. What are you waiting for?

I'll never kiss a gun street girl again. They have terrible morning breath.

What am I doing on this blanket by the stairs? All I remember is playing cards...why is there confetti in my hair? Seriously, what happened last night?

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1 reply · active 578 weeks ago

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bluewindgirl 111p · 578 weeks ago

I read this three times in confusion because I sometimes forget that Tom Waits and Leonard Cohen aren't the same person. I know, I am ashamed of myself too.

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tragicallyludicrous 115p · 578 weeks ago

Did I tell you all how once not long ago I got a free Leonard Cohen ticket for no good reason? It was awesome.

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srs · 578 weeks ago

I saw Leonard Cohen on his tour last year and it was one of the best concerts of my life. He somehow made a 15,000 person stadium show feel like an intimate venue. Also, he did a full hour worth of encores which meant he was on stage for at least 4 hrs (minus a short intermission) which is pretty impressive. Love, love, love Leonard Cohen so much.

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2 replies · active 577 weeks ago

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