greatest American hero = I like her
garbage = not very good
I love you = we are both on the Internet, and we agree about something
shut it all down = I’m going to stay right here and not leave the Internet and keep reading this
NSFW = this is a picture of food
#tcot = I have not talked to an actual conservative since high school
essential reading = you will have forgotten this by next week at the latest
#FF = here is a list of people I am hoping will eventually notice and follow me back
threw shade = I am a straight person who learned about the phrase “threw shade” in the last eight months
THIS = I have no insight to add
I can’t even = I am having, at most, one feeling
huge, if true = I have no interest in finding out if this is true
Devastating/raw = I read three paragraphs of this before deciding it was too depressing to continue
shots fired = I have never heard a gun go off in real life; here is a mildly provocative article about food
BREAKING = I am about to make a joke
so I wrote a thing = I lack the personal integrity to identify a piece of work as my own in public without resorting to a mewling, pathetic, false dissociation
this is everything = this is one thing, maybe two things at best
I feel betrayed = someone who normally agrees with me disagrees with me
my spirit animal = here’s something I like; I am not familiar with what a spirit animal is or does
MT = want to make sure I get involved in this conversation somehow
#truedetectiveseason2 = I too long for human companionship
my body is ready = my body is almost certainly not ready
#tbt = here is either a picture of a Civil War general or Ruth Bader Ginsburg in college
me IRL = here is a picture of a dog doing something a dog does not normally do
ban men = ban men
(special thanks to @shrillcosby, @Connor and @deepomega for joke assistance)
Tags: glossary, i do all of these things don’t feel too bad, the internet, twitter
threw shade = I am a straight person who learned about the phrase “threw shade” in the last eight months
active cackles
active cackles = I wish I were a witch
Do you realise I could be getting second-hand cackles from you? Passive cackling is a thing, you know.
THIS.
ok sorry I couldn’t resist. But I really do have nothing to add. I’m a “FIRST!1!” troll. I’m so ashamed.
“FIRST” = I validate myself by being more on the internet than you
Not even first! THIS
I find that a Twitter “I love you” usually comes after a reply consisting solely of an “EMILY” (or, in extreme cases, an “E M I L Y”) and appears to indicate “You have caused me to laugh despite my better judgement.” [edited to add: that says more about my Twitter personality than it does about the phrase itself.]
I sidestep “I wrote a thing” by using pull-quotes from the thing itself, which neatly avoids saying “So, I rule and you should read my stuff. Here it is, LOOK AT IT, CLICK IT.”
PULL QUOTES. How have I not thought of this?
I am a straight person who learned about the phrase “threw shade” in the last eight *seconds*.
I need to go out more. Or maybe I really, really shouldn’t. Not sure………
Shit, I just learned ‘threw shade’ last Thursday, and now I can’t remember what it means. I think I might be extra-straight…
See I’ve been listening to the podcast Throwing Shade for like 2+ years so I get to pretend I’m ahead of the curve! HEHEHEHEHEH [pretends to be cool]
“Heat Waves and Masturbating Tattoos”
The first thing I got when I googled throwing shade podcast… Forget about going out more. I may never leave the house again :-O
You won’t regret it!! They are the most fun. Plus whoever turns them into gifs is really good at knowing the best ones to pick: http://38.media.tumblr.com/cc3ee57716b8714f8cdb8b… (I DONT KNOW HOW TO EMBED THINGS IM SORRY)
Erin Gibson’s laughter is the greatest.
HOW did I not know about this??? I used to watch their videos on current tv INCESSANTLY. Bryan Safi is one of my favorite humans on Earth, and while Erin Gibson never fully replaced Sarah Haskins in my heart when she took over Target Women, she was still pretty great.
I will now throw myself into their podcast archives and never come out, thank you for this productive new life plan.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I HAVE EVER MET THAT KNOWS WHO SARAH HASKINS IS. Bless you, sweet internet stranger!! That is how I felt!! But Erin is much better in this podcast. I got to interview her and Bryan for work and then I met them after their show and have decided this means we are all best friends for lyfe now.
I love Sarah Haskins! And I remember with great joy and love the day my much younger, very dudely cis male friend emailed me Target Women and was like “look what I found I love it and so will you!” I have taught him well.
JEALOUS!!!
But yes, Sarah Haskins is the best and anybody who is unaware of this fact should go watch Target Women right now. Personally my favorite is the one on jewelry.
I love Sarah Haskins! I used the phrase “I am just a lady, with a simple lady mind” very recently.
Hurrah for Sarah Haskins! Her “Target Women” series was apt, humorous and entertaining! I feel less alone, knowing that, among the people commenting on my favorite website, there are people who enjoyed her work.
There: I don’t think I did anything from this piece.
Eh, I just went for it whole hog in my first post. *shrug* Hyperbole is fun!
this wouldn’t happen if you watched rupaul’s drag race religiously as we on the internet often do
by which I mean to indicate that going out is not necessary
Have none of you people seen “Paris is Burning”? That was 24 fucking years ago!
brb dying (= still sitting at my desk, nominally alive)
Dying = found this funny enough to crack a smile.
lol/rofl/lmao/etc = I expelled air from my nostrils a bit more forcefully than usual
lol = I find your comment acceptable but it was not as funny as it should have been.
LOL = Better effort, thank you.
Except when lol = I prefer three letter acronyms to punctuation lol
Dying = You emailed me a thing that is either not funny at all, or that stopped being funny a month ago after I’d seen it for the third time, but I am feeling sort of exhausted today and don’t have the emotional energy to contemplate just ending our friendship outright
Yep, that’s one.
“this is my spirit animal”= unthinking appropriation of certain Native American cultures. Much better to say “this is my patronus”
thank u, i’ve been trying to get that picked up among my friends forever
I always refer to this now when people are like, “ooh, X is totes my spirit animal!”: http://the-toast.net/2013/10/22/your-spirit-anima…
I say ‘soulmate’ or occasionally ‘daemon’.
daemon works well, though is a bit more obscure a reference.
Even better– when your bear army daemon rips their heads off they won’t be expecting it
I’d say it more often if I felt more confident about the pronunciation–I think it’s said more like ‘demon’ but something like ‘day-mon’ also doesn’t seem out of the realm of possibility?
Either way, if I had a daemon it’d be either a pallas cat or a tawny frogmouth, no I haven’t expended large amounts of time thinking about this at all
This may or may not be helpful. I always pronounced it “day-mon”, but apparently it should be more like “damon”? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Near-open_front_unro…. The specific article devoted to Pullman’s soul manifestation, however, says it should be something more like “demon”, which I think is poppycock and should be completely ignored. But I do find this section on how it’s translated in other languages quite interesting: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/D%C3%A6mon_(His_Dark….
The problem is that it’s a weird transliteration of a Greek word (δαίμων), which should properly be pronounced as “day-mon”, except really it’s pronounced more like “da-ee-mown” — when you break that dipthong up and sound it out, it starts to sound like a long i-as-in-ice, instead of an a-as-in-hay, which means it gets transliterated as “daemon”.
Except that “daemon” is pronounced with a much more “i-as-in-ice” sound that δαίμων is, so it doen’t sound quite right.
I recommend day-mon, but with special consciousness of the two parts of the dipthong so that you sound like you’re saying some kind of archaic magic word.
Like “diamond” without the last d.
well — and let me first caveat this up by saying it doesn’t really matter at all, it’s just basically personal preference, it’s not like the Ancient Greek-Police are going to show up at your door or anything — it’s kind of like that, in the sense that the “i” and the “a” in “diamond” are clearly two separate vowels (at least they are the way I say them; most people I know call them “die-mons” and make fun of me for saying “die-a-mund”), but the vowels in “δαίμων” (that’s delta-alpha-iota-mu-omega-nu), none of those are the long i-as-in-ice sound at all (iota sometimes seems like it should be, because in English we pronounce it “eye-ohta”, but really it’s “ee-ohta”, if that “ee” was pretty short so that it almost sounds like “yota”). It’s just that when you say the “ah-ee” or the “ah-eh” sounds together quickly, they start to make a sound that rapidly becomes indistinguishable from “aye”.
(I don’t know if that is exactly what you mean by this, so I am erring on the side of pedantry and I apologize in advance for my excesses. Sorry, sorry.)
THE ANCIENT GREEK-POLICE ARE AT THE DOOR!
FLEE!
Dammit, I knew I shouldn’t have tempted fate by invoking them.
What hubris.
Nobody expects the Ancient Greek-Police.
One of my favorite things about Ancient Greek is how the meaning of things has shifted in Modern Greek.
δουλειά, for example, used to mean “slavery” and now means “work” (as in ‘to have a job’) 🙂
But has the meaning shifted really
You are totally awesome for explaining this, Ancient Greek geekery is a wonderful thing and I am glad the Toastariat is providing.
Guys it says in The Subtle Knife that it’s pronounced demon:
[Lyra]: “Where’s your dæmon?”
His eyes widened. Then he saw something extraordinary happen to the cat: it leaped into her arms, and when it got there, it changed shape. Now it was a red-brown stoat with a cream throat and belly, and it glared at him as ferociously as the girl herself. But then another shift in things took place, because he realized that they, both girl and stoat, were profoundly afraid of him, as much as if he’d been a ghost.
“I haven’t got a demon,” he said. “I don’t know what you mean.” Then, “Oh! Is that your demon?”
I have always felt the same way but was very afraid to ask and look ignorant – I am impressed (like literally, like my eyebrows raised and I said “impressive” under my breath) that you are mature enough to do so. Thank you for asking! Thank you for showing it doesn’t make one look ignorant at all!
Patronus is infinitely more awesome and not appropriative.
Only a muggle would say that.
You are everything. No, really. THANK YOU.
Well I mean, I would, but I also worry that “this is my patronus = I am a person on the internet”
I’m probably just going to stick to “this is a person I like a lot”
Yeah I just avoid the whole thing because “spirit animal” is appropriation and patronus and daemon feel too…particular, idk, they just don’t appeal to me. Occasionally I will refer to something as “my spiritual home”?
“True North” works well if you’re not Harry Potterish and too tired to even attempt saying “daemon” aloud.
“[X] is the lodestone of my heart” also works, although I’m not sure who I’m plagiarizing it from; I want to say P.G. Wodehouse, but I’m not sure that’s the chappie I’m looking for.
My favorite Toast piece ever is http://the-toast.net/2013/10/22/your-spirit-anima…
I highly recommend it
Methinks you would like the Downworthy plugin for Chrome, which performs automatically many similar translations. E.g. every boolean question has appended to it “Maybe, but most likely not”, and every “literally” is replaced with “figuratively”.
I am 100% okay with the figurative use of literally tough
Anyone who’s pissed about the usage of literally is just anxious about the unstable relationship between signifier and signified. I say let them stew in their existential dread.
Either that or they hate and disdain teenage girls.
how do i upvote this more
brb = I am not even entertaining the thought of leaving my computer, but I want to take a break from talking to you and am too conflict-averse even on the internet to be more direct
GET OUT OF MY HEAD, CHARLES.
WOW, how is it that in over a decade of internet relationships making up almost all of my serious relationships, and there have been plenty of tense and unhappy times, I have never thought to do this?
“Need to go make dinner, bbiab” is a lie I have used many times.
Gif response – I really want you guys to like me and funny gifs give the most likes/comments/upvotes.
shots fired
http://i.imgur.com/4Gb4x.gif
(I am not innocent in this, not by a long shot)
You just posted this because you wanted to see some GIFs, didn’t you.
Sips tea= I found out about something about a month before the New York Times wrote a piece on it,
(I feel kinda betrayed by the Muppets endorsing Lipton Tea. I thought at least some of them had better taste.)
Wondermark agrees with you: http://wondermark.com/557/
‘This could be us but you playin’ – I’m the kid at school who never got told that we weren’t doing a funny voice any more
‘full of win/made of win/epic’ – I am a hapless advertising executive, and I looked at the internet once and this is what I found
‘tips for the perfect cat-eye’ – I am a powerful and pitiless witch who must be appeased at all costs
Although I’m going to argue that ‘This could be us but you playin’ is still fair game because Prince just put a song about that meme on his new album so it’s relevant again.
Where Prince goes, we all must follow.
I saw someone say “completely for the loss” the other day and just stared in gape-mouthed amazement at how off they were on how many levels.
Yes, I am wildly invested in internet slang.
but they really were completely for the loss on that on, eh?
Perhaps they think we’ve reached enough distance from the original to be hipsterically referring to it again?
DEAD = technically I am still alive, but I may have cracked a smile at some point in the recent past.
Welp, – see this
crying rn = not actually crying right now, or ever
Any time anyone uses the word “weeping” = not crying right now, poss. ever.
also, “sobbing”
Any version of crying = I have never cried and was born without tear ducts but I dig this
Except the other day I typed “I am crying right now” as a response to one of those tumblr things with a buncha replies, and I was actually, truly crying (from laughter).
Clearly I am interneting wrong. What is the actual word for crying on this here interwebs?
“All the feels” or any thing with the ‘word’ “feels” in it — I am not enough of a bro to say “it is getting dusty in here” but still not comfortable to admit that this got me choked up and close to tears
Well I didn’t even call things garbage until Mallory started doing it so
I picked it up from Jason Mantzoukas! (not in real life, just from How Did This Get Made)
I did that with calling things “bonkers.” Also lifted “I found this upsetting” from JDR.
I absolutely love “So what this film would lead us to believe is…” June Diane is the best.
“Garbage person” is one of the greatest descriptive phrases ever coined.
And yet highly offensive to sanitation workers when used in the pejorative.
I always thought it was a person-made-of-garbage? Like you’re so horrible you are not a human you are a black trash bag leaking old cat food and rotten veg.
I read a tweet once that said something like: “pick-up artists and garbage people should switch job titles”. I think this would definitely solve that problem.
where do i sign that petition
That’s perfect. Do you also call people dum-dums and laugh a crazy hyena cackle? Love Zouks, he is a freaky weird hilarious human! The episode without him and June a while ago was “so upsetting.”
Right? Especially since it was “Glitter”! The fact that I don’t get to hear June’s opinions on the love story and Jason’s Mariah Carey impressions is a tragedy.
Well, this made me deeply self-conscious about my participation in comment section vernacular.
Though I’m happy to report that I don’t believe I’ve ever declared something my “spirit animal.”
“Should I delete my Twitter?” – me three minutes ago
Agreed, I now rewrote this comment 3 times.
this article made me feel kinda gross tbh
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with it, really (in general–obviously “spirit animal” is no). Subcultures produce slang, it’s fine. The key thing is to keep up with it, because if your internet slang is outdated then you just seem like a sad parent attempting hipness and the turnover cycle is extremely fast. Which, I mean, maybe giving a damn about that at all is pathetic, but I’m pretty sure it’s just human nature and I accept it.
True story: Mallory totally shamed me out of doing the “I wrote a thing” thing.
me too.
From now on all my writing shall be paraded in front of me with spotlights trained on it, and I shall bellow ‘I wrote this and it is good!’
ban men = ban men
No but seriously.
Hell, I think some strong arguments have been made.
all the food stuff primed me to assume that this was some kind of Korean dish and I was like, “well of course this is literal”
FFS/ burn it all down/ I don’t want to live on this planet anymore = when things are slow at my boring desk job I browse dumb news sites that reliably get me riled up so I can feel something, anything
This is accurate.
“I agree that this thing I read about on Jezebel is A Bad Thing but I don’t know enough about it to make an insightful comment”
oh god, the comments on this post are nourishing my soul
“nourishing my soul” – a mild appreciative feeling, like dipping one’s hand in lukewarm water
shots fired
imho = While I have never been humble or honest, here’s something cruel I just thought of.
Also, seeing that picture of RBG just made me want a picture of her at age 9, still in a black robe, still looking like she has never, even once, taken a single piece of guff.
When RBG was born, the doctor was going to smack her to get her breathing, the way cartoon doctors do, but she looked at him sternly, and he reconsidered. That set a precedent, and doctors don’t do that any more.
RBG doesn’t dial the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.
I’m a big fan of imltho personally
(in my less than humble opinion)
Did you read the article from this morning where she admits to having a large stash of Notorious RBG t-shirts and giving them away to family & friends all the time? BAMF.
Aha WHAT? That is amazing.
Just looked up that article and am in love with this quote:
“Ginsburg also said she gets asked a lot about when she thinks there will be enough women on the Supreme Court. Her response, always, is: “When there are nine.”” Such a boss.
flawless = I like this person but will turn on them like a rabid raccoon if they say something I don’t like
Someone’s been on tumblr
Just a bit, yeah.
Another proposed meaning for “flawless”: I know nothing about this person
My dad used to tell me “everyone’s normal until you get to know them”. The first time I heard someone say “a stranger is just a friend you haven’t met yet!” I probably laughed out loud.
I am in physical pain = I have seen a picture of a dog.
IIRC = I’m certain I’m right. I’m just saying this to sound slightly less arrogant.
For some brief moment in time I thought IIRC meant I use Internet Relay Chat.
whoa, really makes you think
(am not actually reflecting on anything you said)
kill all men = kill all men except some dads are ok
get out/how dare you/who gave you the right = someone on tumblr made either a pun or a reference to Fred Weasley’s death
I read this as “Fred and Wesley’s death(s)” and yeah, still the same.
See also: MA’AM
THANKS SATAN is a common synonym
see also: TOO SOON
Internet hyperbole just makes me want to set myself on fire.
ISWYDT
Nicely played.
I weep for my generation = Even if I’d lived in the time period I claim to admire, I would have hated what was new/popular/challenging then as well because I am fundamentally a small-minded and fearful person who likes to shore up my insecurities with an ill-founded sense of moral and cultural superiority rooted in misconceptions about a past which never existed.
I like you.
No, “I love you.” Close 😉
Score!
THIS.
But seriously, THIS.
Yeah, but that’s a lot to type out! The short version is much more compact. =)
Flames on the side of my face = I am justifiably angry but probably haven’t even seen Clue or am familiar with Madeline Kahn’s body of work
I have never seen Clue and spent way too long believing that “flames on the side of my face” was a Toast Original
🙁
🙁 🙁
I…had never made that connection before.
LEARNED SOMETHING IN THE INTERNET TODAY, THANK YOU.
You are the literal worst/I hate you and your stupid face/you are human garbage = someone has posted a photo of Sebastian Stan, to whom I am inordinately attracted.
Tom Hiddleston seems to provoke a lot of this particular kind of opposite world sex-hatred. I’m old, so the first few times I tumbl-ed past pictures of him with OH MY GOD I HATE HIS FACE/HATE HIM SO MUCH/YOU ARE THE WORST I was really confused because he seems like such a nice man to inspire such intense hatred.
As a straight cis dude, I’m sort of fascinated by the (largely cis woman, as far as I can tell) trend on Tumblr of ironic, annoyed rage about being attracted to certain male celebs (usually pale, elfin British dudes). Like the “fuck you for existing in the first place” tag beneath a picture of Benedict XVI Cucumber Patch.
I misread that as “I hate you and I hate your stupid assface” and now I just want to watch Guffman again.
I read your comment and thought “assbutt” and now I need to rewatch all of Supernatural like I don’t have a day job or w/e.
Right? I haven’t been on Tumblr very long but I only recently cottoned on to “your face upsets me” = “I think this celebrity is pretty.” I am a simple soul and pretty people make me feel happy.
Lately on Tumblr I’ve been seeing a fair bit of “you need Jesus,” apparently meaning “I disagree with you” or “I can’t believe you don’t know about [consumer product I like].” It honestly seems like people are trying to sound black, but I don’t know where it started.
I’ve taken it to mean that someone’s post got too lewd and/or murderous. I don’t like it and hope it dies soon.
I don’t think I’ve seen that shade of meaning, but different segments of Tumblr do things so differently. I hope it dies soon too.
D:
I’ve seen that a bunch, too, albeit more in the context of “you’re a mess and you need the healing power of Jesus to get your shit together,” but not in like an actually religious way. But yeah, there are definitely some uncomfortable racial overtones – like, “Thanks, sensible Magical Negro for your stern but wise appraisal!”
Yeah, I think what I’ve been seeing is a more casual application of the same general idea. Some people seem to jump really quickly from “introduction of phrase to vocabulary” to “casual, broad-based application of phrase to many types of situations.” The worst case I’ve seen was a post where someone said “people need Jesus” in response to a picture of a woman doing something ~wrong~, and the woman in question appeared to be wearing a hijab.
AAAAAHHHHHHHHH
This is my everything, this is my spirit animal
(At the end of a long-winded debate/argument when nothing’s been solved) I’m done = I don’t have any other witty comebacks and argumentation is hard.
this person totally nailed x = this person did a thing
FAIL = Greetings from the year 2000!
Sometimes I ironically bring back ye olde slangge because it amuses me, since I am a trash garbage internet human. I think I typed “pwned” yesterday and I have no regrets. 1337 as fu(k.
I am HERE for… = I will forget about this as soon as my gaze slides away.
Ok, but can someone catch me up with “creed arms into a sea of haters”? Because I’m kind of at sea on that one.
I assume it’s the first one, from Higher by Creed, but it might be the second, from With Arms Wide Open.
Ah, excellent! Thanks to you and mslizwatson–context indicated what the feeling behind it should be, but I totally missed the origin story.
I believe this originates with Mallory saying she’d like to adopt the posture of Creed singer Scott Stapp (like so: http://cdn2-b.examiner.com/sites/default/files/st… and fall into a sea of haters to convey how little she cares.
I think of this process as Janis Ian-ing. <a href=”http://(http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view2/1865365/janis-ian-crowd-surfs-o.gif)” target=”_blank”>(http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view2/1865365/janis-ian-crowd-surfs-o.gif)
gutted = I just watched a movie/TV show starring that celebrity who died over the weekend
same
I NEED this [quote] embroidered/cross-stitched on a cushion = I think you’re clever but I never have and never will own a cross-stitched cushion
I literally did not figure out what SMH meant until like last week. I also have no idea what the fuck ICYMI means.
I thought smh was a written-out derisive huff of some kind for longer than I care to admit. Though it is better than the real definition, I think.
In Case You Missed It <3
That’s ok. No one can actually decide what SMH means anyway. Some people think it means “shaking my head” and some think it means “so much hate.” It’s a hobby of mine to spot what the person using it thinks it actually means.
I’ve seen people who use ymmv to mean “you make me vomit.”
Yeah, I always read SMH as “shaking my head,” like in disapproval.
SMH = So Many Hats
ICYMI = I Can’t Yearn Much If
My brain came up with Smack My Hat.
I always think it’s Sarah Michelle Gellar, and then I remember her name doesn’t start with H. Too much Buffy fanfic…
Only just now found out what it does mean on this thread.
For a really long time I vaguely thought it meant See My Hat
I frequently have to Google the internet slang…
I always think it’s the Sydney Morning Herald, which makes sense to me because its website is smh.com.au and people call it “the SMH” in casual conversation, and also because I live in Sydney.
Edited because I made a grammar fail.
When I see SMH I SAY “smeh,” which is like “meh,” only moreso somehow. Also, BRB = you sound gassy, YMMV= you move, I was sitting here already, ICYMI=I see, but why me? The internet is hard.
For a while the only person I saw use it was my younger sister…who has the initials SMH.
I just figured the kids were all about hashtag monograms these days.
I have a friend with the initials SMH who was often called “ess em aych” as a nickname in the olden dayes before internet speak. then all of a sudden SMH hit twitter & he was seemingly implicated in all of the shameful human behaviors that were prompting people to virtually shake their heads. it was super weird, like if all of a sudden “nonvolleyball” became a Thing, & the internet were suddenly full of statements like “some people don’t know how to take care of their own kids…nonvolleyball.”
Give us hell, Quimby!
Bonkers = something mildly out of the norm, perhaps conflicting with my worldview / the word to describe every opinion or dissent by Antonin Scalia
huge, if true = I do not know that Snopes.com exists.
Friendly reminder = I have a very high opinion of my own thoughts
^^^ THIS omg signal boost
LMBO – I am not even allowed to _imply_ that I know the word ‘ass’.
Wait, people say that?
Not many people I know, but some friends of friends have, yeah.
My BIL always uses asterisks when the spirit moves him to curse on Facebook and it bothers me to no end. You’re an adult! All your Facebook friends are adults! Stop with this “f**k” nonsense right away.
If you’re not going to fully commit to your curse words, don’t use them at all.
I like my cursing to reflect my actual levels of rage and awareness of how appropriate my emotional response to a thing is.
Like, when I can’t find my thread scissors and I’m getting very annoyed and frustrated, maybe I type in all caps “WHERE IN SWEET FLIPTY DOODLE DID I LEAVE MY THREAD SCISSORS?”
Because it is IMPORTANT that everyone knows I’m Very Irritated but in a way that amuses some other part of my self.
And then you can tell I’m really seriously pissed off when I say something like “what kind of fucking garbage truck in a flesh suit do you have to be to [say or do or allow through inaction to occur SOME AWFUL THING]”
This form also amuses me, but for reasons of making people picture things like realdoll decepticons or widgets for fecal matter.
“came for the [x], stayed for the [y]” = “started on tumblr, still on tumblr”
TYPING IN ALL CAPS WITH NO PUNCTUATION = I think I am being funny and emphatic but I’m just hoping people pay attention to me if I’m very loud about something.
My main takeaway from this post was that I was totally right in choosing to stay the fuck away from Tumblr.
You can pry my internet hyperbole from my cold, dead hands!
"True North" works well if you're not Harry Potterish and too tired to even attempt saying "daemon" aloud.
But has the meaning shifted really
HOW VERY DARE YOU
I think this has been happening in phases, over centuries.
First it was novels – people began imitating patterns and emotions that they'd read about, instead of vice versa. Life based on art.
Then it was films – people began dramatically talking and acting and feeling things they'd seen in movies.
Now it's Internet reaction GIFs that people are imitating.
We are slowly paring down the range of human emotions.
There's a story in my family that my great-grandmother, when she found out she was pregnant in the early 1900s, climbed up on a fence and crowed like a rooster. It's my ambition to one day feel an original emotion that will make me want to crow like a rooster.
Huge, if true = I am leaving this stupid reply on your stupid promoted tweet because replies cost you extra.
I love you
popcorn.gif = I have no interest in learning anything about this issue but the thought of you guys fighting about it gives me pleasure
“(verb) all of the (non-plausible plural noun)” (awards/cookies/whatever) instead of “every” is the one that bothers me the most but I don’t know why. Maybe it’s the stiltedness, the willful jalopy putt-putt ricketiness of the phrasing. I don’t know. It just does.
Here’s a random example from Buzzfeed today:
“#tcot = I have not talked to an actual conservative since high school”
Sincere, polite inquiry:
Is this one supposed to imply that “actual” conservatives are somehow “better” or “more agreeable” than the entities about which one may learn by searching for this hashtag ?
Just a bit, yeah.
Another proposed meaning for "flawless": I know nothing about this person
THIS.
THIS IS EVERYTHING.
/hopes to one day say “so I wrote a thing” for The Toast
in the meanwhile, ICYMI, Mallory Ortberg is our spirit animal
THIS.
THIS IS EVERYTHING.
/hopes to one day say "so I wrote a thing" for The Toast
in the meanwhile, ICYMI, Mallory Ortberg is our spirit animal
me too.
From now on all my writing shall be paraded in front of me with spotlights trained on it, and I shall bellow 'I wrote this and it is good!'