Severus Snape
After his death they found hidden in his room at Hogwarts the complete discography of Depeche Mode and Nine Inch Nails, along with a “Pretty Hate Machine” poster. This surprised no one.
Minerva McGonagall
It’s been rumored for decades that McGonagall is a lover of showtunes. The most commonly cited piece of evidence to this is the frequent singing of “Ladies that Lunch” and “Defying Gravity” that occurs at least once a week from the direction of her shower.
Ron Weasley
Our redheaded boob has his father, Arthur, to thank for all of his musical inclinations. A proud Mugglephile, Arthur, has an extensive “Black Disk” collection, which he plays on a 1970’s era “Amplificator.” The sounds of classic rock filled the Weasley house from an early age. Rumor has it that Ron was conceived during a long Led Zeppelin filled marathon while the kids were out at a quidditch match. Jimi and the Stones played frequently as well. Though not as vocal in her appreciation as her husband, Molly truly enjoyed Janis Joplin and would often be heard singing “Me and Bobby McGee” in the shower.
Ron absorbed the Classic Rock love of his parents and took it with him to Hogwarts. When he first arrived, his extensive knowledge of classic rock and the various recording he’d “borrowed” from his father made him the envy of his fellow classmates. One night in particular he stunned his roommates by playing Led Zeppelin IV in its entirety one Friday night in the Gryffindor tower. Harry bought him candy for two full weeks after this incident in an attempt to repay Ron for literally changing his life.
However, while other people’s musical tastes changed over the years, Ron’s never did. He simply continued to listen to Zeppelin and the Stones. This caused him to be a little out of the loop musically compared to everyone else, but at this point in his life Ron was so used to this feeling he barely even noticed.
To this day, he listens to Zeppelin records while sipping whisky every Friday night after the quidditch match on the telly. Hermione has given up on changing his tastes.
Favorite Song: “Immigrant Song” – Led Zeppelin
Harry Potter
As you might expect from someone who endured a large amount of mental and physical abuse in his years prior to arriving Hogwarts, Harry didn’t listen to a lot of music. In fact, the first real rock record he ever heard was on the train ride to Hogwarts, where Ron was obnoxiously playing “Crazy Train” as loud as he could in his coach.
Harry emulated his first friend closely at the beginning when it comes to music. The same rotation of classic rock that spilled from Ron’s music players became his Bible. However, Harry being the adventurous rapscallion he is, quickly got bored hearing the same five records all the damn time.
After a few years he discovered the one true love in his life (sorry Ginny), Oasis. The words penned by Noel Gallagher seemed to be written just for him: “I’d like to be somebody else and not know where I’ve been / I’d like to build myself a house out of plasticine” “Take me to the place where you go / Where nobody knows if it’s night or day”. He would sing these songs all day and night. It has been hypothesized by many wizard scholars that Harry’s enjoyment of Oasis is what first propelled the band into superstardom in the first place. It is also a well know fact that Oasis was the soundtrack of his particularly angsty years.
These days he tries to stay interested in newer music, but often finds himself completely confused by the buzzes and wub-wubs. The last album he completely enjoyed was Adele’s “21”.
Favorite Song: Don’t Look Back in Anger – Oasis
Hermione Weasley (née Granger)
Having grown up in the Muggle world, Hermione grew up on the sounds of The Beatles. At an early age she would prance around the house singing to “Yellow Submarine” at the top of her lungs, much to the chagrin of her parents.
Once leaving for Hogwarts however, Hermione found herself enamored by all things wizardry including megasmash witchband Spellbound. Posters of the group (especially those of the de facto leader, the brunette Cassandra) filled her dormitory for a few years.
After some time, Hermione began to listen to Muggle music again (probably thanks to Ron’s influence). Always relating to the sounds of empowered, forceful women, Hermione began listening to Liz Phair, The Breeders and Bikini Kill almost nonstop. During the time when Ron was dating Lavender Brown, Hermione found herself listening to “Exile in Guyville” almost nonstop.
Now she is married to Ron (no kids) and listens to a lot of Joanna Newsom and Joni Mitchell. Her last public appearance was at a Kate Bush concert.
Favorite Song: 6’ 1” – Liz Phair
Draco Malfoy
During his first year’s Winter Talent Show, Draco, along with his cronies, Crabbe and Goyle, performed a decidedly bad version of “Ice, Ice, Baby” that was applauded regardless.
Luna Lovegood
One cold February morning her fourth year, Luna woke up the entire school by meditating to the dulcet sounds of the Beatles “White Album” and John Cage’s “Concerto for Chamber Orchestra and Prepared Piano” at the same time and at full blast while meditating in the courtyard.
Neville Longbottom
During the reception after his wedding to Luna, (an event that took much longer to happen then everyone was expecting) Neville somehow convinced her to sing “Promiscuous” by Timbaland and Nelly Furtado with him. They were adorable.
Albus Dumbledore
Some years after his death, the Ministry of Magic found an expansive, highly eclectic record collection off the coast of Madagascar that purported to be the property of Albus Dumbledore. There was also an old tome that detailed very precise instructions to whom each of the well over 100,000 records should go to, with no person getting more than one record. After realizing that there was no discernable organizing system, The Ministry established a workforce to ensure that Dumbledore’s final wishes were granted. This is commonly referred to as The Great “Record”-ing by certain pun loving wizards.
P.S. – Apparently it’s not canon that Luna and Neville got married. I have ignored this because fuck J.K. Rowling for doing this to me. Luna + Neville 4EVA.
