MONK #2: i think youre ready to move on to something a little trickier this time
reading and writing
MONK #1: oh wow
MONK #2: the really important thing to remember about writing is that you dont use any words
ever
just blank pages in careful order
MONK #1: oh wow i had no idea
MONK #2: i know
thats what i’m here for haha
MONK #2: same goes for reading
MONK #1: right right
MONK #2: so be sure not to put any words inside the edges
just more edges
MONK #2: the other really important thing to remember
is that everyone uses two pens to write, but they still leave the pages blank
“two pens, no words,” thats what we call writing in the biz
the writing biz
MONK #1: are we sure about that though
MONK #2: what do you mean
MONK #1: i mean it sort of looks like a pen and maybe an ink scraper
to scrape ink away
so like if you were actually writing with the pen you would use the ink scraper to —
MONK #2: no
it kind of looks like that but it isn’t
just two pens
MONK #1: okay, okay
MONK #2: write that down so you’ll remember it
MONK #1: oka — wait a second
MONK #2: ahaha
almost had you there
just a little writing prank
to see if you were still paying attention
MONK #2: see
two pens
this one’s a little messed up because there are almost words, but you get the idea
MONK #2: a pen for each hand, and a twisted manimal for resting your feet on
do you think youre starting to get it now
MONK #1: maybe
i think so
sorry about the ink scraper thing before
MONK #2: dont worry about it
we all make mistakes
MONK #2: see he’s got a page with no words, and the other guy is copying out the no-words, and then in between there’s a whole book without words
so its actually kind of a cool tradition
MONK #1: would there ever maybe be a reason to put words in a book though
like as an exception or maybe a funny joke
MONK #2: no
not really ever, no
so not ever
MONK #1: oh
okay
MONK #2: you should probably just accept that books are blank
and they’re mostly for resting your hands on when your hands get tired
MONK #2: see what i mean
look at how well she’s listening
and how she’s taking dictation without writing anything down
i wish some of us could be a little more like the writer in this painting
MONK #1: okay so what if someone is dipping their pen in some ink
like they’re getting READY to write
but the page is blank
MONK #2: yes
yes definitely
now youre getting it
sometimes a guy just wants to have a wet pen
MONK #2: one other thing i forgot to mention is its fine to put words AROUND a book
just not in it
MONK #1: oh that makes sense
MONK #2: just a funny little writing tip
[Images via]
Tags: artwork, two monks inventing things, yes obviously most of these miniatures probably just didn’t include words on the pages because it was a lot of extra work for tiny drawings but come on it’s summer
Related Posts
Normal Children Who Are Very Comfortable And At Ease In Western Art History
Behold My Writing Regalia
No One In Medieval Europe Knew What A Deer Looked Like
The Greatest Wedding Group Shot Of All Time Is From 14th-Century Bologna
Women Dropping Polite Hints In Western Art History
All the Paintings Here Agree: A Comic
a pen for each hand, and a twisted manimal for resting your feet on
as the head editor at my place of business this is my monthly Staples order on the company credit card
Plus apparently an ourobouros desk and a shoulder-mounted proofreading bird. Quality setup!
The Ourobouros desk: So much better for you than the standing desk, or even the treadmill desk.
As the mouths get closer, it becomes a de facto treadmill desk.
I mean, a regular treadmill desk doesn’t really MOTIVATE you the way an ourobouros desk does.
COSETTHETABLE: [Exit, pursued by a bear]
[which is pursuing a bear is pursuing a bear is pursuing a bear]
which is different than a writer being visited by a bear
https://twitter.com/neilhimself/status/6166324258…
(he was probably writing actual words)
I would like to acquire my own twisted manimal to optimize my ergonomic setup. Where on the Staples website are they categorized?
Appliances, I believe. but if your office is anything like mine you can go down the hall to the cubicle farm and rustle up a spare manimal whenever you need a new one. they may not want to go with you but they don’t have much choice
Obviously what they do or do not want is immaterial. A proper manimal must inherently understand the natural order of things. Weeping and gnashing of teeth may be tolerable to an extent, but resistance is entirely unacceptable. Ideally I would like my manimal to have a gently contented smile on his gaunt face, as per the manimal illustrated above. That is a twisted manimal who is grateful to have a purpose even as he wastes away.
I should have asked for a manimal when they couldn’t order me a Swiffer! I waited six months for that Swiffer. A manimal would have been so much easier.
Monk #2 4EVA
The barfing head table support creature in number four has firm opinions on that monk’s writing position. One hand coming from behind the book? That’s just asking for spilled ink.
Ah, but that’s only if you USE ink, which is a rookie mistake.
Sometimes a guy just wants to have a wet pen!
I like how the desk of the wet pen writer also looks like a twisted manimal, or the part of a twisted manimal from the knees down.
Srsly – I saw that and thought “There’s another one! That one is so twisted you can’t even see the whole manimal!”
Thank you, Mallory. I am surely not the only person who looks forward to the monks. Take care, be well.
Watching this relationship develop is my favorite part of this website, and I can’t bring myself to feel ashamed about that.
I snickered at “sometimes a guy just wants to have a wet pen” because I am 12.
I appreciate your saying this because I didn’t want to be the first person to say this
It’s much better, though, when you want a wet pen, to dip your pen in ink rather than use one of those newfangled ones that just…leak from the tip. So I hear.
I snickered and I am 63.
The woman and child in #8? Rosemary Clooney in White Christmas or just look at her Wiki picture:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rosemary_Clooney
Monks who have an uncanny resemblance to celebrities past and present? Or God ran out of faces, so He had to reuse some? Not reincarnation but face-re-using.
A girl is not ready for a new face.
Oh, Mallory, you never fail to crack me up with Two Monks and Western Art History. My day brightens up considerably when I see that you’ve posted something new. Never change, girl.
#2 – chest-arm.
Can I write all of my reports with these classic no-words writing?
#2: Two Medieval Monks Struggle To Fold This Damn Map Back Up.
LOL! Is this what St. Francis meant by “Preach the gospel at all times; if necessary, use words”?
“sometimes a guy just wants to have a wet pen”
You know monks aren’t allowed to get their pens wet tho
two of the monks have shoulder birds. Are shoulder birds a monk thing and are they related to the bedbirds from Normal Children In Western Art History?
…….okay but for real what’s with the scraper thingie?
Monk #1 intuitively knew what it was, before mink #2’s indoctrination set in.
It’s so if you forget and start writing words, you can immediately scrape them out. Write and scrape, write and scrape. Words on, words off.
And in the one where there are almost words, he was just writing “Pftt,” which is a sound rather than a word, but I guess he decided he’d better scrape it out anyway.
I think maybe it’s a knife for sharpening your quill?
Oh, I get it. When I browse catalogs of old manuscripts and incunabulae, the condition descriptions often mention “foxing.” That’s when foxes sneak in and write words in the books centuries after the monks made them, right?
In Medieval Times (the era, not the restaurant … that I know of …) they wrote on vellum or parchment, which is thicker and more durable than paper. You could literally scrape the top layer of the vellum off, with the ink, and write over it (called a palimpsest). Also, medieval scribes often used blades to lightly score the vellum with lines or dots to outline the writing area and to help them write straight across the page. Finally, you’d need a knife around to trim your pen, which would be made of a feather.
That’s what I think we’re seeing. Although I wouldn’t be a bit surprised if #2 used it to straight up shank #1.
Ohhhhh maaaaan there was almost a little bit of drama betwixt the monks, monk #1 almost got a little saucy but then he backed down. PHEW. I was just not ready to handle that today.
MONK #1 AND MONK #2 BROS 4LYFE
I love these monks and their little writing pranks! On the one with resting hands, what is the smaller guy doing? Painting or writing on a curtain? Is he holding a hornbook sort of thing, or is it maybe a painting palette? I always LOVE seeing those artist’s and writers’ tools showing up in images, but I don’t recognize that one. I didn’t think they had hornbooks back then. (Also, he’s sort of levitating there. Maybe it’s an antigravity paddle.)
TWO-PEN EADWIN!
Ah! My next essay is going to be in non-writing…better get to it then.
Ah! My next essay is going to be in non-writing…better get to it then.
“Write that down so you don’t forget”
Has quiet aneurysm to self
________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________
(Written in the manner of a medieval monk.)