so i just hold the beanspoon near my nose and scream, is that right
ah, waiter, another bunch of raw green onions for the table, please
YELLING NEAR BEANS IS WHAT EATING IS
nothing terrifying about this meal!!!!
this is my secret oyster, don’t tell the woman with no eyes
tits out, peacock bread, time to stab a fish
SPOON MOUTH SPOON MOUTH FILL MY MOUTH WITH CHEEEESE
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Tags: artwork, eating, normal behavior, normal normal normal
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They filmed a performance of La Traviata at, I think, La Scala and the banquet table is set with tureens of lemons.
That’s it, just lemon banquet.
you need your lemon banquet so your tuberculosis makes you sing better
like DUH
So the set decorators at La Scala made a lemon party joke? I respect that.
Eh heh heh. https://youtu.be/07So_lJQyqw
Literally never a time when a Beauty and the Beast gif is irrelevant or inappropriate.
Why oyster girl in a Santa coat tho?
Mrs. Claus’s wild Santa Catarina vacation portrait
Given that it is evidently a little on the chilly side in her dining room, you’d think she’d put on a shawl or something.
Women Laughing Alone with Salad in Western Art History
Men Scared Alone With Legumes
I love the fact that like, most of these are Dutch or Flemish. I now want to take pictures of people in the Low Countries yelling near cheese.
Now I finally understand why my ancestors moved from the Netherlands to Wisconsin.
That bird looks like a sulphur-created cocktatoo, but SURELY that painting is not Australian. I don’t think we ever had peacock bread.
Some poor cockatoos were apparently part of the pet trade even during the Renaissance:
http:/www.smithsonianmag.com/smart-news/why-there-australian-cockatoo-italian-renaissance-painting-180950227
I suspect it’s peacock pie. Australia loves its pies, right?
It’s possibly a yellow crested cockatoo, which looks very similar to the sulphur crested, but is from Indonesia
You could make a jaunty little song out of it:
Spoon mouth, spoon mouth, fill my mouth with cheese
Tits out, peacock bread, time to stab a fish
Bean spoon, bean spoon, hold it here and scream
Hide my oyster from the woman with no eyes
Most of these captions can be sung to the tune of Jingle Bells:
Tits out, peacock bread,
Time to stab a fish;
Spoon and mouth, spoon and mouth,
Fill my mouth with cheese!
This is how you eat:
Yelling near some beans
Nothing scary here
More green onions, please!
you guys I am waiting for them to put new tires on my car and trying to keep from laughing hysterically in the waiting room because there are other people here and I don’t want to scare them.
Let go – ensures you plenty of personal space!
This old man, he ate bird
Weirdest food I ever heard
With a tits-out, peacock bread, time to stab a fish
Dig into this yummy dish!
Misandrist drinking songs
I heard (and can’t stop hearing, on infinite loop in my head) “Tits out, peacock bread, time to stab a fish” to the tune of “Row, Row, Row Your Boat”, or more specifically to the tune of the parody George and Melchett sing in Blackadder Goes Forth: “Belts off, trousers down, isn’t life a scream!”
Tits out, peacock bread, time to stab a fish
Spoonily, spoonily, spoonily, spoonily, life is but a cheese
This made me laugh so much, my face hurts. I love all of these awesome new songs.
ah, waiter, another bunch of raw green onions for the table, please
Vivid memories of my dad sitting at the kitchen table after dinner and contentedly, methodically eating his way through whole raw red onions.
I eat raw scallion with miso sometimes. But I don’t think these people had miso.
My grandpap grew tomatoes and green onions in a little box of dirt in the alley/yard behind their house on the South Side of Pittsburgh, and he would eat the green onions raw because it “kept colds away.” I maintain that nobody wanted to get close enough to ol’ onion breath to breathe on him.
Boy this is a week of grandparent remembrances, huh?
My grandfather inherited his rural childhood home and kept it as a summer home. One of the neighbours kept bees, and they would come drink from the little puddles of water around my grandfather’s well. He would regularly pick up a bee and deliberately sting himself with it. He said it was good for rheumatism, and apparently there’s some truth to that, but as a child it was scary and baffling to watch.
You mean…it’s weird to eat spring onions raw? I mean, I don’t eat them whole but I only ever eat them raw, in salads and on sandwiches. And with indian takeaway food here (Scotland) the side salad often consists of a majority of sliced raw red and white onion and a negligible quantity of shredded lettuce. Is that weird? I understand that eating a raw onion like an apple is weird, but beyond that I am lost here.
A north Indian meal would not be complete without a whole platter of raw red onions (sliced or quartered) and whole green chillies to munch on.
My stomach is acidifying just thinking about it.
ok but “FILL MY MOUTH WITH CHEESE” is pretty much how I eat, though.
Pretty much how I approach all cheese encounters.
Yeah that one is no lie.
i was about to say
that last one
…
…
is that NOT how one is supposed to eat?
Please someone find me that wine glass that Tits Out Girl is using. I’ve been doing it wrong this whole time–you’re not drinking wine until you’re drinking it out of a glass delicately perched atop the equivalent of a scepter.
She’s drinking out of a votive candlestick, no question.
if eating raw green onions is wrong, i don’t want to be right.
I thought this was fairly common? Like as a garnish on stuff? Unless you meant just taking a big ol’ bite out of the stalk, in which case, carry on.
You have to dip the end in salt before you take a bite. I learned this from my dad, but maybe my grandparents. My formative years were long ago.
i have never tried that! which is astounding, as i was the type of salt loving child that would just pour the stuff into her palm and eat it all on its lonesome. i do dip them in ranch occasionally, which is pure joy.
i… do both. i think as garnish it is very common!
This one is probably my favorite version – I love them all, but this one is so good. Yelling near beans!
“tits out, peacock bread, time to stab a fish”
I have a sudden urge to embroider this on a pillow.
Sort of the weird corollary to “Big Hair, No Heart, Can’t Lose.”
The marriage of The Toast and Regresty would have been a glorious one.
At least cats in paintings eat perfectly normal things like entire plates.
That dog is totally jealous.
Angrily, while a dog looks on dispiritedly.
This is my new favorite painting.
Apparently they have met Hobgoblin.
So much unexplained in this painting… and yet, it needs no explanation.
my cat has progressed from staring balefully at me to actually gnawing on my plate when i walk away from it those times i’ve had **the neve** to eat before feeding her.
When I first saw Oyster Girl I thought her hand was a puppy. Now I can see it’s a hand but a very puppy-shaped/-colored hand?
SPOON MOUTH SPOON MOUTH FILL MY MOUTH WITH CHEEEESE is what I’ll be singing all day long.
To be fair, “tits out peacock bread time to stab a fish” is totally my brunch routine
My favorite results from my ‘peacock bread’ image search:
Honorable Mention – not a peacock, but worthy of my attention. I want to eat its toes:
Runner Up – this is a heck of a lot of effort for something designed to be ripped up & crammed into a mouth. Bonus points for the white chocolate & orange flavor combo:
Blue Ribbon – now THAT is how you make a Peacock Bread. Hours and hours of meticulous labor, little chance of it being either edible or eaten:
Backstory on the Runner Up: there’s so much effort in it because it was actually a bake done for the marvelous TV show The Great British Bake Off as one of their “showstopper” challenges. They had to make a decorative loaf and the girl who baked that won Star Baker for that week.
And if you haven’t seen the amazing Bread Lion created by one of the bakers in this year’s competition, have a look at this:
![]()
I HAVEN’T YET THANK YOU FOR REMINDING ME TO TRACK DOWN THIS WEEK’S EPISODE
BREAD LION!!!!
It’s the best thing Paul Hollywood has ever seen in bread!
Oh man, PBS started airing GBBO last year (inexplicably renaming it Great British Baking Show though) and they start season “two” next month (but really like season 5 or 6 in the UK, I think?) and I cannot WAIT!!
That’s so cool!
My winner is from a traditional Persian Wedding Feast, which just goes to show that my own wedding banquet was woefully lacking.
Yes! I knew it was a Bake Off creation; thank you for confirming.
I greatly fear that is not peacock bread in the picture, but peacock PIE, as in MADE FROM.
See here for a delectable rosted pecok recipe, which begins “Take a Pecok, breke his necke, and kutte his throte…”
http://historiccookery.com/tag/medieval-peacock-r…
s’bread with a peacock in it, peacock bread
I was just about to post the same thing! They also did that with swans. .
And I too, came down to post about the many peacocks and swans that were turned into probably tasty pies: http://researchingfoodhistory.blogspot.com/2012/1…
But I still want to go to eat with the “tits out, peacock bread, time to stab a fish” brunch club … Where are we meeting?
Say what you will about our modern self-absorbed online society, but at least the gratification is instant. Back then, if you wanted a picture of you doing something tremendously banal, like eating cheese or taunting an oyster, you had to pay some dude to paint it out for you over the course of several weeks. For most of history, if the majority of humankind wanted to look at a cat, they had to go out and find an actual cat.
It was a dark time.
As the owner of two cats, that’s actually a rather tragic thought. Mine are adorable when they’re in the mood to be, but then there’s the other 22 hours of the day when they’re asleep, ignoring me, or doing something suspicious in the laundry room that will soon be followed by a hissing and growling.
TBH the first two are just “Hey, could you not do that in public? At the table? Trying to eat my beans here.”
I feel like I’ve never seen anyone looking like they’re having a good time in an old painting before though
okay, okay, I managed to get through the whole post with tears in my eyes, and then I made the mistake of sipping some tea while reading the comments and I can count of one whole hand the number of times I snarfed me some Earl Grey.
“YELLING NEAR BEANS IS WHAT EATING IS” — It is for latinos
(I am latina and my family is very loud)
Oh the eyeless woman guards the shellfish
While the peacock-baker cooks a hell-dish;
They’ll prepare as much food as you please,
Now it’s time to fill your mouth with cheese
These are the people in your neighborhood
In your neighborhood
In your neighborhood
These are the people in your neighborhood
With their terrifying meat
That they don’t know how to eat
So they’re screaming at the beans all day
The peacock bread song seems like it would be Hieronymous Bosch butt music.
So much unexplained in this painting… and yet, it needs no explanation.
I am sad that no one else listens to Metric. Or an I happy Mallory wrote a joke just for me?
I am sad that no one else listens to Metric. Or an I happy Mallory wrote a joke just for me?