This is the definitive comparison of the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles as other foursomes. For reference, I am a Raphael. I will accept no arguments.

Harry Potter

Gryffindor leads turtle teens

Ravenclaw does machines

Slytherin is cool but rude

Hufflepuff’s a party dude

 

Sex and the City

Leonardo is a Carrie

Michelangelo is a Samanta

Raphael is a Charlotte

Donatello is a Miranda

(Splinter is Mr. Big? DISCUSS)

 

The Beatles

Raphael is John Lennon if there ever was one, and Paul McCartney is Leonardo. George Harrison is Donatello but Ringo is a much smarter Michelangelo than anyone gives him credit for.

 

Ghostbusters

Dr. Egon Spengler does indeed do machines, and though he acts like a leader is definitely more of a Donatello. It would be easy to place Dr. Peter Venkman as Michelangelo, but he’s cunning and prone to strange outbursts, so he’s definitely Raphael. Winston Zeddmore is the true Leonardo of the gang, while Dr. Ray Stanz gets a blowjob from a ghost, a total Michelangelo move.

 

Mean Girls

Regina George may be the leader but she’s no Leonardo. Frankly, either is Cady Heron. They’re Raphael and Donatello, respectively. Gretchen Weiners tries to invent ridiculous slang too much to be anyone but Michelangelo, making Karen Smith…Leonardo? A hot take but I’ll stand by it.

 

Gossip Girl

I’m going to say Chuck Bass is the Michelangelo, just because he commits to having as much fun as his lifestyle can afford him and he’s the one most likely to wear orange. The other three are Raphaels. Nobody does machines.

 

Little Women

I have never read Little Women.

 

h/t to Rie and Matt for the inspiration