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Home: The Toast

Babe it’s honestly the fact that you don’t ever expect me to visit you
that makes me feel so comfortable around you
like so comfortable I just leave my stuff indefinitely at your house
because you’re not interested in shackling me with rules and contracts like
“can you come get your stuff”
“Glen your stuff is always at my house but you never visit”
“Glen when you use my house as a storage unit but never want to spend time together it makes me feel like you think of me as a service and not as a friend”
anyhow you’re not like that
who even remembers the promises they make
I’m not a machine

anyhow you’re so gentle I put you in my brain river

like I’d never feel like we were ‘bound’ together just because some people have gardens
you know?
I’m not a building, I’m a man
you can’t just put a pillar on me and say “Oh, there he is”
I’m bigger than that
you get it
just because people say we look like a couple doesn’t mean you expect me to treat us like a couple and I really appreciate that
and it’s very important to me that the world not think badly of me just because I leave you a bunch to go make sure that all the railroad tracks are still there

I honestly think about you sometimes for actual hours
I don’t do anything about it, I just think about it and expect credit for the thinking, like thinking of all the nice things I could do for you
and isn’t that really the best kind of relationship there is

Look, yes, okay
there is technically “distance” between us because I keep “moving away”
but I’ve always appreciated that you don’t cry just because I’m gone
like other women
like other, lesser women, the crying kind with expectations
or I mean maybe you do
I wouldn’t know
I’m always gone haha
women always cry if you show up and create intense emotional experiences and then leave suddenly without a word and I appreciate that you’ve evolved past that completely normal reaction to intimacy

anyhow right now I’m hanging out in a literal trash heap eating soup out of a garbage bag but I’m thinking about hugging you which is basically the same thing
you’re welcome for hugging you

in my mind you never frown
thanks for that

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