Hello, Toastfriendpersons! Today I am generally in a pretty good mood! Also a very silly one. It's becoming something of a problem. It all started when I woke up in the morning and my brain started singing "Friday I'm in Love" at me, but changed it to "Friday I'm Covered in Bees" for some inexplicable reason. Now I will go make myself sad by reading about Romanovs instead, oh well, oh well.

This week I started learning steno, because I am perverse! A good friend of mine works with the Open Steno Project, aimed at bringing 200 word per minute typing to the masses with free software and cheap hardware. (They're currently crowdfunding the first in a suite of steno video games!) I've been surprised at how quickly I'm picking it up; it's been a week and it already doesn't seem weird to think of "the quick brown fox" as -T KWEUBG PWROUPB TPOBGS. On my good days I can already manage 5 WPM! Just 195 more to go! (I keep telling my friend she needs to pitch an article about stenography to the Toast, because I bet there are people here who would be interested in the intersection of accessibility and geekiness which steno embodies.) I did not write this post with steno, because if I'd tried I wouldn't be done until there were eight pages of comments already, but here, the rest of this comment, starting with "here", was written in steno. (Eventually.)

Cat thread?

I said "Hey, Julie Pie" and she gave me this look:

Following last week's discussion of Criminal Minds: Beyond Borders, I just have to share this exchange with someone:

Character B (cultural expert): The insub is killing and consuming part of the males, but keeping the females alive. Thus absorbing their strength and their property, which is a common warrior practice.
Character A (holder of the Idiot Ball): Property?
Character B: Historically, women were considered legal possessions that men could leverage for a variety of reasons.

Whenever Character B opens her mouth, I flash back to this gif:

It's beautifully sunny here and I feel GOOD today (second day in a row)! and ahhhhhh! Also Congratulations, Nicole!

Everyone's seen this Gwyneth Paltrow...thing, right? The perfume ad? What the fuck is going on here? My favorite reaction so far was from this person on Tumblr.

To follow the ridiculous with the sublime, I offer you some amazing tap dancing black women. Take a deep breath before you start the video. You might not get another one until it finishes.

Is anyone else going to the new Jungle Book movie? I'm a fan of Kipling's books for kids (I know, I know, problematic! I still love them) and I'm excited that it looks like this movie might follow the actual story a little more closely than the first Disney one.

Hair inspiration thread? I'm getting my hair cut this evening and I'm not 100% sure what I want to do. I have very thick, somewhat wavy hair that currently hits past my shoulders. Past my shoulders, a little north of my armpits, to be more precise. I also have side bangs that have grown out to the point where I could start blending them into the rest of my hair if I wanted. Anybody have any thick, wavy-ish hair muses? Zooey Deschanel is the only one I can think of, but I don't know if I can handle the regrowth on those bangs.

I need you all to drop whatever you're doing and take a look at these photos of the Dean of the Faculty of Medicine of Charles University in Prague lovingly cradling a pelican in his arms. They have brought me so much genuine joy and I want to share it with my Toastie friends.

This man looks at his pelican like Justin Trudeau looks at Barack Obama. I want someone to look at me like this man looks at his pelican.

Relationship ending, in the comments below for length.

Toasts! I am missing OT mostly because it's MrChouffe's birthday and we're going to LUNCH at a REAL RESTAURANT. Have fun and I shall report back.

Reading thread!

On a tip from a prior OT, I got the audio book of Rebecca and started listening to it this morning. I originally read it in high school, and I recall enjoying it, but wow! I am just loving the narration, and probably also have a new appreciation for the writing. So lush and evocative!

What are you all reading?

Are there any other idiots here who kept watching Sleepy Hollow after the terrible second season, only to be horribly betrayed by the third season finale? I can't be the only one, can I? Please come complain with me (there will be spoilers obviously).

We can also talk about RuPaul's Drag Race if you prefer, since it's so great this season.

OMG THE ROMANOVS PIECE

This Open Thread, let us share podfic because podfic is GREAT. Here is a Marvel podfic that is also a Night Vale cross-over and also is ridiculously awesome and now it is canon in my mind. Sort of. At least, Jasper Sitwell-wise it is.

Toasts, I am having a very difficult time resisting the urge to overhaul my wardrobe RFN. I know that I shouldn't because it would be very bad for my wallet. BUT UUUGGGH I WANT TO GET RID OF ALL THE SKIRTS I DON'T WEAR ANYMORE AND THEN BUY ALL THE MONKSTRAP SHOES.

("RudyRed, weren't you bitching about your wardrobe in a previous OT?" YES I WAS SHUT UP.)

ORPHAN BLACK IS BACK!

I'm sure there are toasties who watch, what did you think of the first episode???

People who hate change: How do you deal with change?

I'm moving away from my home state in three weeks, and I'm handling the logistics just fine, but my heart is a fire swamp. Big changes destabilize me in a serious way, even though I know it's the right call.

So, any coping strategies would be welcome. (Current strategy is drinking a lot and lashing out at people I love. It's going great.) Or, stories of moving away from everything you know and how it was the best decision you ever made.

OMG I CANNOT BELIEVE I MISSED A PIECE LIKE THAT MUST GO READ IMMEDIATELY!!!

ALSO: my husband got his posting so now I know where we will be moving! Now I get to sell my house ASAP and buy a new one! And I get to quit my horrible job! This is how horrible my job is: my boss knows my dad has terminal cancer and said the following: "I know how you feel. My [90-year-old!]" mom has Alzheimers and I wonder if it's worse to lose a parent suddenly or really drawn out. At least this way you get to say goodbye. But if not then you suffer less." IT WAS HORRIBLE.

So whatever! I'm quitting soon! It's going to be beautiful all weekend and I'm going to work in my yard and get ice cream!

Does anyone want to talk about Friday Night Lights?

I started watching it because so many Toasties said it was their favourite TV. I was so skeptical AND NOW I AM BROKEN.

I have 3 episodes left of season 5. No spoilers please. I'm going to be a bit lost when this is over.

Toasts, I am coping with dissertation-writing-finishing by getting way into perfumes. What nice things have you smelled recently?

Inspired by a long-ago Toast discussion I purchased a sample of Serge Lutens Jeux de Peau (side note: samples are THE BEST! So much enjoyment for less than the cost of experimenting with drugstore makeup!) and it smells like crunchy toast with jam, but sophisticated. So unexpected and good! I am still figuring out what I like, but I think it’s mostly 1) warm spicy things or, completely the opposite, 2) really flowery flowers, but like in a FRESH SPRINGTIME way. Given all of that it’s somewhat improbable that the thing I love MOST at the moment is Estee Lauder Bronze Goddess, which smells like sunscreen but FANCY.

Friends I have just finished writing a new play and it is...it's okay, I think? There's some strong bones in there and I guess it needs to be edited, but the more I think about how to edit it the more it ends up feeling like I'm just rewriting an old Caryl Churchill play.

(Which, obviously there are worse playwrights to copy, but still.)

I have been having existential dread ever since I had a falling out with the person that I usually trust to read my work. I have been at sea lately and I don't like the feeling of it.

Toasties! Unrelated to breakups, I'm an English teacher. What Toast articles would you recommend for use in classes? Good articles would be:
-Not very pop culture related and too America-centric
-Not super long
-Interesting to multiple genders

Any suggestions?

I am submitting my albatross of a PhD thesis in a little under two weeks, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH. Send calming gifs, please!

Talk to me about maternity clothes. When did you start buying them? Did they last through the entire pregnancy, or did you have to buy more when you got bigger? What about bras?

I'm 13 weeks, and I was an F cup before I got pregnant. I think I need a new bra, but I don't really want to go through buying one more than I have to.

O Toastfriends, I'm having career-related emotions today, and I feel safe sharing here. Feels in the reply!

I want to run a TinyLetter concept by y'all-- one where I'd be asking for your participation.

One thing I love about Open Thread is the recipe threads that get started-- answers to questions like "what do I do with a lot of lentils" or "what are some protein-heavy recipes" or "what's a good cake to bake," to name a few recent ones. The answers are always great, whether they're links or written-out recipes or just dish concepts. The problem is that I can never find these threads again after the fact-- I try to copy and bookmark recipes as they're posted, but that can be difficult if I'm at work or on my phone.

So I was thinking it would be fun to start a TinyLetter, where each week (or t time interval) I send out a culinary question that people can respond to through TinyLetter, and then the next week publish people's responses (edited lightly for format and clarity) as well as another question to chew on, and so forth. So kind of the same as Open Thread, but then there would be easily accessible archives. Would you be interested in something like that? Suggestions, modifications? Or is it a bad idea? I've never done a TinyLetter before.

Happy Friday, Toasties! What music is giving you life right now?
I can't stop listening to Dessa. I don't even have words for her - it's like a lot of my favorite music got put in a blender and it's magical. Hip hop, EDM, piano ballads... Ahhhh. And she's a very smart nerd with all kinds of references in her lyrics that are delightful.
Here's "Fighting Fish" http://dessa.bandcamp.com/track/fighting-fish

"I didn’t come looking for love
I didn’t come to pick a fight
I come here every night to work
and you can grab an axe, man,
or you can step aside"

We moved last weekend! It was as painless as any move can be, and we're all settled in with just a few tasks remaining like putting up artwork/framed photographs (like my kickass David Bowie paintings.

There are so many improvements over our previous apartment that I feel like an Ancien Régime aristocrat. You mean I don't have to wash dishes by hand because there's a brand-new dishwasher in the kitchen?* I can go outside without actually leaving home because I finally have a balcony? I can choose where to pee because there are two bathrooms in this place? Floor-to-ceiling windows with a view of Parliament Hill? What is this life of degenerate luxury I'm living now?? It's so great that I am even reconciled to the sharp reduction in closet space which is jeopardizing my plan to acquire 13804 sundresses this summer.

(*I can't lie to The Toast, I haven't washed the dishes in many a moon because I always made my husband do it. But hey, now he doesn't have to either!)

I don't know if it's post-move euphoria or the B12 supplements I started taking on my doctor's orders but this has been a great week of actually sleeping through the night! and having more energy! and generally being in a better mood! My makeup is on point, I'm knocking back homemade fruit smoothies every day, even work has been less of a shitshow lately. Life is pretty sweet right now!

The only fly in my ointment is that I still haven't heard back from the HR person at that job I (probably??) got turned down for. Said HR person emailed me last week to say I'm in "a pool of partially qualified candidates" because I don't meet the language requirements, except I do and had sent her my language test results attesting to this back in January. I emailed her back the same day asking her to clarify and with another copy of my results. No reply. I emailed her a ~gentle reminder~ yesterday (didn't actually use that term because I am not a monster). It's one thing to be turned down for a job because other candidates are more qualified, but it's extremely worrisome that this HR person doesn't seem to be aware of what my qualifications are.

Happy Friday Toast! I wrote in a few weeks about asking for advice on how to broach the topic of future possible polyamory/flexible monogamy with my partner in advance of us getting engaged. You all gave wonderful advice for that and for my related issue of wanting to ask him to get a vasectomy. Well, I am a procrastinating procrastinator, so I only broached the ‘lesser’ of the two issues - the vasectomy - the other night. I was expecting that to be NBD, or for any negative reaction to be related to a specific issue with surgery and general, but he actually was pretty thrown by the idea. He wasn’t a dick about it of course (he is congenitally incapable of being a dick about anything, one of the reasons I want to marry him) but he said he really wasn’t sure if he could do it. I asked if that meant he actually *does* want to have kids, because if so,we’d need to Have a Talk (I don’t want kids). But he says it’s not that, it’s just a kind of instinctive negative response. He’s doing some research and promises to really think about it. He said ‘I’m disappointed in myself that my initial reaction is so conservative’ and definitely wants to examine his own assumptions.

Obviously I don’t mind if he doesn’t want to have a vasectomy - bodily autonomy! But I am concerned that he may not be on the same page as me in terms of ‘unconventional’ thinking. I wonder if he’s ok with the idea of polyamory in the abstract, but wouldn’t be able to deal with it in reality. I know the answer is just TALK TO HIM and I will, but I feel the need to run it by you wonderful people first!

(Responses may be delayed, but I’ll be keeping an eye on the thread and will respond to any Qs later!)

For reference: the original thread is here: http://the-toast.net/2016/02/26/cocktail-hour-ope...
About 13/14 comments down.

I am about to take the first test for my A+ IT certification and I feel mildly nauseated.* Once I get this cert finished, I will be closer to getting a real IT job instead of a clerical job that expects free help desk.

Anyone else had fun taking certifications for their jorb field? The cramming is kinda brutal sometimes, no?

*it's totally test nausea and not being six days out from having a hysteroscopy. That's my story and I'm sticking to it.

Let's talk about the good things that are happening in our lives right now!

My week has been kinda meh and very stressful, but I'm trying to focus on things that make me happy (in no particular order):

1. Kimmy Schmidt season 2! TITUS <3
2. I found out I DO NOT have to take a very expensive English test! A short test that is free of charge will do.
3. I'm going out tonight! Unfortunately, the party we wanted to attend was cancelled due to fire regulations, but we'll find something else, and I'm determined to have fun.
4. My friend, who just took her final exams this week, is hosting a dinner party tomorrow to celebrate! There will be asparagus.
5. I bought rhubarb today and will make one of my favourite cakes over the weekend.

What about you, Toasties?

I am taking my hound to the dog park this weekend because it is going to be sunny and gorgeous in Southwestern Ontario.

Relatedly, dog thread!
Here is an illustration of Copper's Nose:Self ratio:

Yay I always miss the first page except TODAY.

Toasties, what are you happy you have accomplished so far in 2016? Not to get all #inspirational, but I thought this could be a fun topic.

I've got myself an excellent therapist who is doing me the world of good, after years of just sort of being passive and avoiding. And I've started turning down assignments that pay awful rates (I'm self-employed).

Please share!

So, a couple weeks ago I was asking about posting links to a Kickstarter I'm tangentially involved in - I thought the campaign was going live that week, but nope, it took a while. But it's open now, so I'm going to post.
https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/stevensaus/n...

It's a speculative fiction anthology I contributed to called No Shit, There I Was. Each of the stories starts with that line. There are a bunch of great authors, and if you're into short sf/fantsy/horror/etc., I think you might enjoy it! We're halfway funded already, so here's hoping.

Can I point out that Nicole's author bio in the Grauniad says "Nicole Cliffe is the co-founder and editor-in-chief of The Toast, a humor website for queer librarians."?

Hello, The Toast! I have just gotten a job for the summer! At a library! Also yesterday was my 21st birthday, and I'm going to see the Mountain Goats on Sunday!

Hey I know I'm really demanding but it's been a bit stressy here so please be kind.
In the middle of all the dissertation stuff, I had a medical freakout - turns out it's really okay, but...

I found A Lump and totally lost my shit, then had to wait days for a doctor's appointment. I have a fibroadenoma! It's fine! It's called a breast mouse!! But that was a nasty few days. My mum had a lumpectomy last year, and my grannie had breast cancer (from which she completely recovered), and the scariest thing was it was in the EXACT SAME PLACE as my mum's LCIS and my grannie's tumor.

I'm fine, obviously, but I am stressed to death with uni and I just want to be wrapped in the warmth of a Toast embrace, please? Love xx

Hi Toast, it's been a rough week.

I got myself into a terribly awkward situation. I have known a friend for a while, and our relationship started put as sexual and then evolved into friendship once it had to be long distance.
Anyways, there were a lot of dreams and hopes and uncertainties (still are), but we decided not to be exclusive (we're both on board with this).
But! last week I told him that I love him for the fist time, and I had to do it over Skype. He said, "I think so, too." And then it turned out that he had another woman in the apartment while he was skyping me! So I had to sit through his getting up, hearing a female voice saying "are you okay?!" in the background, and other fallout. And so we had a serious conversation about how he is still dealing with a bunch of problems that came forth in his last relationship and how he has not loved anyone for a while... all while being distracted by the sitcom ridiculousness of it all.

Even though no agreements or promises were violated, I still felt stupid and I'm just so sad about it!

Anyways. I need internet hugs, and maybe some advice.

I've been in a reading frenzy lately. I somehow read a book for three hours straight yesterday without realizing it. I guess I needed the brain candy.

So, what lovely brain candy is everyone else indulging in? I'm going to watch The Force Awakens many times this weekend (I bought that movie and I rarely buy movies).

Toastfriends, I was on a 5 1/2 hour conference call yesterday and my ear still sort of hurts, physically (I have a headset but the audio was borked so I was just on the phone for the whole time).

Surely that must be the reason why the lifeguard pulling me aside during my water aerobics class last night to say that I'd been going out the emergency exit and I shouldn't do that anymore caused extreme embarrassment and led me to weep quietly on my walk home.

I am a together adult 99.9% of the time, I swear.

I've hit the stage of pregnancy where I am genuinely excited about going to prenatal yoga. Yet another side effect no one warned me about! Anyway, uh, pregnancy thread, I guess, unless someone has already started one?

Happy Friday! Let's talk meal plans and whatnot!

Here are some thoughts about how I organized my meals for the coming week! Milk is on sale here ($1.98/gallon down from $2.99/gallon), so I plan to make paneer, and I have enough stuff in the cupboard and freezer that I have two or three options depending on what we feel like that day. I also wanted to make a thing that calls for red peppers, and since the "family pack" of six peppers for like $5 is such a better value than individual peppers, I had to think of things to do with the rest of the peppers. I have some potatoes in the fridge, too, from the 5lb bag I got last week, so those are going in as side dishes to some things. I also wanted to try this dish and wanted some kind of protein-heavy side dish to go with it, so I'm thinking a lentil or split pea dish of some kind, again based around pantry staples.

With all that being said, here's the plan:

Lunch batch: lentil and spinach calzones
Dinner at friend's house (I'm bringing a side dish and beer though)
Pizza (have leftover sauce and cheese to use up) (one will have peppers and onions)
Those sweet potato pouches and some kind of lentil side
Paneer something with rice or a simple potato curry
Tofu with red peppers based off a sweet and sour fish recipe from the Ottolenghi cookbook Jerusalem, probably rye berries as a side.
Veggie lo mein with yuba (and peppers!)
Pasta cacio e pepe (this is a great one to have on standby because it uses non-spoiling stuff so can be shifted around during the week as needed)

Stuff I need: Romano cheese, veggies and herbs (peppers, cabbage, carrots, cilantro, chard, collards, sweet potatoes), another bag of boneless/skinless/tasteless chicken for my own protein-y lunches, sesame seeds and polenta, cheese, milk, lentils, noodles, foil, and toothpaste. Weekly grocery bill should come out around $55.

What are you guys planning? How are your grocery budgets? What do you have sitting around that you need to use up?

HI! i am about to go the airport to fly to Seoul, where I will be for 5 days, and then on to Kyoto and Tokyo for 4 each! Toasts who've gone or live there, please give me all the recommendations!

Good riddance to this rotten week, honestly. The guy I was seeing for a couple months (and who is an awesome dude) broke up with me because his mom is dying. Honestly, I would have done the same thing, and I think it's the right thing for both of us, but it really sucks. I hadn't felt that optimistic about a relationship in a long time.

And then on top of it, I got rejected for a job I thought I was going to get (and would have been a dream, honestly). I've been applying and interviewing for jobs for 5 years now, and I always end up as the runner-up, and it's just so disheartening.

I just can't catch a break.

Here's a picture of my cat being a weirdo, for anyone who read through my pity party:

The national girls' HS basketball champions this year are Ribault High School from my hometown and it's the first EVER national champion HS sports team in the city (as far as i know), and on Tuesday they had a little parade downtown in front of where I work and it was so cool and I was bawling with pride for those young women. They're a very winning team and have done lots of state championships, but never national, and it's so cool. I mean, when you hear of "there was a shooting at X high school today" Ribault is one of the top 3 schools you expect to be named, and it was almost shut down in 2011 because of poor performance (because the neighborhood is so impoverished).

Anyway, the parade had the ROTC and tiny marching band and cheerdancers and each of the basketball team got to ride on the back of her very own convertible Corvette to city hall, and two of their rival schools (also poor and Black) sent their marching bands and cheerleaders and ROTC drill teams and loads of kids from the nearby neighborhoods came out and saw these teenagers as role models and everything and gosh I still tear up thinking about how proud of them I am, and how proud they were of themselves, you know? and of the 4 graduating seniors on the team, two have also earned their AAs from the local community college through dual enrollment and !!!! these amazing kids. (I'm crying again.)

It's sunny here and very nearly warm (64) and it's supposed to be 79 on Monday!

Also, I took a second part time job on top of my 9-to-5, just working at a little hipster bakery on the weekends, and I'm really enjoying it so far.

But my big news is that I just got accepted into one of the Marriage and Family Therapy masters programs that I applied to! I applied to 2 and I'm still waiting to hear from the other, and then I need to do financial aid stuff, so an actual decision on What I Will Be Doing With My Life In The Fall is a ways off - but it's good and exciting to have at least gotten one "yes"!

I went to see "the last five years" this past weekend (the theatre that did it, was incredible. UGH JASON ROBERTS BROWN YOUR MUSIC) and I thought of the Toastmind because behind us, there were a few women who got their friend a gift of Lin Manuel Miranda's face on a blanket.
Secondly, this week I've been struggling to not play the "comparing myself to other people" game, and failing. It's freaking me out- because I had been doing so well, and then suddenly (even though I've felt reasonably happy lately AND the weather is nice) out of the blue- BAM I'm feeling like I'm just not good enough anymore.

But mostly I wanted to tell you about the Lin Manuel Miranda Face Blanket.

Toasties, it's been an awful week. Prayers and good thoughts would be deeply appreciated. I feel very overwhelmed by my final month of school, work, and an emotional situation that is related to neither of those things but is nonetheless very painful and disorienting for me. It's three days until my next therapy session and I feel like I'm unraveling.

That horrifying moment when you realize that your therapist looks like a cross between Tobias Funke and Mr. Rosso from Freaks and Geeks.