Previously: Ryan Atwood was a lesbian.
1. Always wearing plain black T-shirts, fitted jeans, and black boots with a sturdy heel.
2. Friends with famous lesbians like Seth Green and Donny Osmond.
3. Based on beloved lesbian icons Elvis Presley and The Fonz.
4. Won’t let anyone touch his pompadour, the most lesbian haircut of all time.
5. His closest friend is named “Momma,” the toughest stone butch name imaginable.
6. Is clearly based on Ivan from season 1 of The L Word, even though The L Word came out years later.
7. Has terrible luck with straight girls.
8. Practices body positivity and self-care.
9. Super into training his upper body and glamor muscles, often at the expense of leg day.
10. A big supporter of professional women’s sports.
11. He just is, don’t @ me
Yes, yes good.
His closest friend is named “Momma,” the toughest stone butch name imaginable.
I hadn’t realized how undeniably true that is until now.
Not every woman I know who is frequently referred to as “Momma” by people who are not her children is a stone butch, but several are, and the non butch ones are all stone hard.
… aaaaand “making people lesbian by argument” is my new favorite tag. And possibly life goal.
It’s just a shame it hasn’t been retroactively applied to other “Reasons ___ was a lesbian” and Femslash Friday posts. Yet?
Wait… Donny Osmond? Being a lesbian would definitely be the “rock n’ roll” in the “I’m a little bit rock n’ roll” as nothing else he’s ever done comes even close to being rock n’ roll.
This is so obvious.
Yes yes yes.
Also, I am convinced that every single Bruce Springsteen song is about lesbians (specifically, mid-century butches). Does that mean Bruce Springsteen is also a lesbian?!?!
Yep! Proof: this cover of I’m On Fire by a genuine (adorable) lesbian. https://youtu.be/Osqm2-EsQXo
Oooo. Thanks for the video. I have been feeling a lot about that song lately and was planning to do it the next time I get my butt to karaoke!
I’ve also been thinking a lot about writing a short story based on Thunder Road, but I just never get around to it. Oh, grand plans…
I love so much that simply having a woman sing a song can radically change its meaning.
Absolutely. Although it’s also worth noting lesser-remembered songs like “My Lover Man” aka “solid reason to believe the Boss is bi.”
I would love to hear Melissa Ferrick cover practically any Springsteen.
Hmm… maybe I should try some Johnny Bravo lines then? “Hey, hot momma, did anyone ever tell you I have beautiful eyes?”
…man, I’m pretty.
In a Johnny Bravo voice? It would probably work on me, not gonna lie.
ahaha was just about to comment with the beautiful eyes line, it’s ones of my favourite TV quotes of all time. And so relatable!
Okay but the baseball player (Who is an adult? Playing against children?) is obviously the inspiration for Bombshells Kate Kane, right?
Ahem.
“I honestly don’t know what else to say about it. It isn’t that [Bravo] has a masculine jaw, exactly; there’s just something about it that makes lesbians and bisexuals sit up a little straighter and take notice. Not all lesbians have lesbian jawline, but every woman with lesbian jawline is guaranteed a small but vocal and loyal group of lesbian fans for the rest of her life”
Was thrilled about getting stuck on the island of Lesbos?
I literally wore dark wash jeans with a black t-shirt and boots with a sturdy heel today.
I wear my hair in a quasi buffon.
I regularly go to the gym.
I am a proud, equal-opportunity lover.
I AM the Johnny Bravo Bisexual.
I would love to hear Melissa Ferrick cover practically any Springsteen.
Johnny Bravo was not a lesbian.
Johnny Bravo was a FABULOUS lesbian!
Thank you so much for letting me know this ship exists!
Listen. Johnny Bravo had the James Dean look. Nothing is more lesbian than the James Dean look.
I don’t know how many Toasties are into silly 90s Canadian-American cop shows but Ray Kowalski from due South needs one of these articles.
Leather jacket. Ball bracelet. A lot of defensive performativeness. Estranged from family for dubious reasons. Obsessive about previous relationship. Pathetically devoted to sexually ambiguous best friend.