Previously, we the Nicoles talked about Episodes 1-4 and 5-8. We are now here to discuss the final five episodes of Season 4. Spoilers abound.

Nicole: THIS WAS NOT ENOUGH ENDING FOR ME. What kind of ending is this? I think the problem is that we pay no attention to the foreign policy stuff on this show, so even though it’s obviously supposed to be a big deal that the Underwoods are starting a literal war for political reasons, I’m just “ho-hum.” But objectively, starting a war to distract people from a newspaper article is bad. I get that.

I wish we’d gotten to see a little more about what the article entailed, though. I felt the same way about Lucas’ suicide note? WE know all the terrible things Frank has done, but it seems like Lucas mentioned the murders and Tom hasn’t wrapped his brain around the Underwoods as actual murderers yet.

Now, let’s give it up for Freddy, the MVP of the season/world/my life. Did you love it more when Freddy called Frank a motherfucker, or did you love it more when he beat up Tom Hammerschmidt because he’s not going to be a snitch?

Nikki: The first one, for sure. It’s beautiful that Freddy is so unafraid of Frank and I love that he kicked in Frank’s whole weird fantasy of them being bros. I truly hope Freddy is allowed to move on and enjoy his new Georgetown flower shop job, but I’d feel better about his future if he no longer shared a city with the Underwoods, who destroy everything and everyone eventually.

I want to be sure we REJOICE for Jackie and Remy, who are finally free of Frank after going on the record in an attempt to destroy him. (At least, I hope they are free — unlike everyone else, they at least had the sense to get out of DC.) Remy and Jackie, takin’ their show on the road! I could not be happier for these two beautiful people:

Didn’t you think it was weird that Doug had essentially no reaction (at least that we really saw) to the Herald story? He has made the Underwoods his entire life/religious affiliation, and now a potentially career-ending story drops and he’s just like “well, I got a widow to romance, gotta bounce!”? Now I have to spend a solid year until season 5 living in mortal terror for Lauren Moretti. Do you think it’s remotely plausible she wouldn’t suspect anything, given that Doug gave all that money to her late husband’s memorial fund and works at the White House and her husband died from not getting a transplant right around the time the President got a life-saving transplant? LAUREN. WHY ARE YOU SO OPEN AND TRUSTING, I TRULY FEAR FOR YOU. All you have to do is spend, like, half a minute with Doug to realize that the man likely has no reflection and would totally hijack a donor list for his boss’s gain.

I also felt kind of cheated by the way Tom Hammerschmidt’s big story unfolded. We see Seth in a daze, trapped in his office and unable to pick up his ringing phone and offer any spin; we see the Underwoods floundering for all of one minute before Claire tells Frank to go put on his power suit and find his steel. And that’s really kind of it! We did not get to see the article reverberating through the halls of power, which is really what I wanted after all those people died and various careers were sacrificed to bring just some of the Underwoods’ crimes to light. And why, given everything he knows, does Tom believe Frank would stop just short of murder??

Nicole: I almost forgot to reply to this because my husband and I are watching The Blacklist, which is BONKERS and not really good but we keep watching it? Anyway, Donald Blythe plays a competent mean person instead of an incompetent nice person in it, and it throws me EVERY TIME. I keep waiting for him to say “now, Frank, you’re terrible, you’re a ghoulish hellbeast!” for three seconds and then forget everything that’s ever happened and be grateful to the Underwoods for giving him a new pair of cufflinks or something.

That was a sidebar.

JACKIE AND REMY! Driving in a car! Smiling with their faces! Maybe they’ll wear t-shirts or order a drink with an umbrella in it!

Lauren Lauren Lauren Lauren go to a widow’s book club, get a sliding-scale therapist! Do not go sit in a car with Doug! No one is going to fix Doug. Doug is not going to be healed by the love of a good woman. Doug knew a good woman, and he made her break up with her sweet girlfriend and then killed her!

Yeah, this is the ultimate “not with a bang but a whimper” season ending. Okay, shall we wrap up with our wishlist for season five?

Claire Wears One Peplum Skirt

Donald Blythe Turns to the Dark Side

Tom Hammerschmidt Throws Up His Hands And Goes to Work For TMZ

Frank Takes Yoga And Practices Mindfulness

Jackie and Remy Go To Bali

You?

Nikki: 

Seth Flees Town and Literally No One Notices

Janine Wins a Faculty Teaching Award and Takes a Long Vacation

Frank Has No More Dreams, At Least Not Ones We Have to See

Tom Yates is So Crushed When Claire Dumps Him He Never Writes Another Word

A Newly Woke Lauren Moretti Commits the Perfect Murder