If Barack Obama were your dad, every year you would say, “Dad, no, I’m not doing that stupid turkey thing again. I don’t even like birds.” But somehow, every year, you’d end up standing there, with two turkeys making terrible noises and your dad making even more terrible dad jokes. Sure, he would bribe you each time (Hamilton tickets, State Dinner dresses, Beyoncé concerts), but deep down you know that you would have done it anyway.
If Barack Obama were your dad, he would make you go camping with him every summer. Even though he has no idea how to put up a tent, he would dive in to putting it up with gusto. “Come on, girls!” he’d say, “this tent isn’t going to put itself up!”
If Barack Obama were your dad, he would show up at random elementary school science fairs, just because he loves school science fairs so much. You would only find out about this because your friend had a little brother at one of the schools he visited, and you’d get a text: “Um, I think your dad was at my brother’s science fair today?” Accompanying the text would be a picture of him, with a huge grin on his face, surrounded by 8-year-olds.
If Barack Obama were your dad, he’d save every single one of your books from when you were little. One day you’d see a picture of him reading to the baby of one of his staffers, and you’d recognize that purple marker on the cover.
If Barack Obama were your dad, he would get an advance delivery of Steph Curry’s new shoes, and wear them out in public with you as soon as they arrived. “Look at my fun new kicks!” he’d say, just before you were about to walk out the front door, with photographers everywhere. “DAD,” you’d say. “Have you SEEN the jokes on Twitter? You can’t wear those shoes!” He would just grin at you and put a windbreaker on.
If Barack Obama were your dad, you’d always know if he was at your game or performance, because you’d hear him whisper “there she is, that’s my girl!” He would also clap really loudly and do that Arsenio Hall “Woot Woot” arm thing any time you did anything.
If Barack Obama were your dad, you would know you shouldn’t ask him for help with your government homework, but you’d do it anyway, and he would go on and on and on for so long it would be like the damn State of the Union. You wouldn’t be able to escape, so you’d start keeping track of how many times he said “Let me be clear” (15). Your sister would walk by and smirk at you and you’d want to kill her. But then your dad would spot her: “Oh, good, you’ll want to hear this too! I’ve been wanting to go more in depth with you girls about the equal protection clause for a while. As you know, because of the 14th Amendment…” Yes, you would get an A on the paper, but at what cost?
If Barack Obama were your dad, he would introduce you to a ton of famous people, and every single time he would tell them something embarrassing about you. “Isn’t my daughter beautiful? Can you believe this is the same girl who used to wake me up in the middle of the night because of the monsters in her closet? That lasted until she was in high school!” He told that story to Ryan Reynolds. (The stories he told Michael B. Jordan and Prince Harry make you cringe too much to even think about).
If Barack Obama were your dad, he would let all of your friends come over to the White House after the prom to hang out, and he would go wild buying all sorts of snacks for you all to gorge on. Just when you were comfortable and the music was on, he would come downstairs and start dancing. “I can do the Nae Nae, look everyone!”
If Barack Obama were your dad, when you went off to college he would buy at least five t-shirts and two sweatshirts from the college bookstore so he would always have them to work out in. When he saw strangers wearing apparel from that school, he would stop them on the street and say, “My daughter goes there!”
If Barack Obama were your dad, he’d be over the moon when he became a grandfather. He would compete with your mom to see which one of them is better at getting the baby to sleep; he’d become an expert swaddler; he’d drop by your house to help without warning (constantly). Sometimes he would be super helpful, but other times he would “accidentally” wake up the baby if the baby had been asleep for “too long” just so he could try and get her to smile at him (and she would).
If Barack Obama were your dad, when you were a teenager it would kind of gross you out how he is so visibly in love with your mom, but as you got older, it would make your heart sing.
All photos by Pete Souza for the White House
YES IT’S HERE
Also:
“If Barack Obama were your dad, you would know you shouldn’t ask him for help with your government homework, but you’d do it anyway, and he would go on and on and on for so long it would be like the damn State of the Union…”
My dad is a professor and he does this too. It helps that I don’t have any more science classes but man…professors gonna profess! The lecture is always informative and rich with insight, until your brain dribbles out of your ears. (My dad is great, I am smarter because of him.)
Came here to say the same thing, only about engineer dads / scientist moms. I once (once) made the mistake of complaining in front of my dad that I didn’t see the point of doing my geometry homework because I’d never use it in real life. My dad sat me down, and very, very seriously told me about this super interesting project that he was working on at work that used the Pythagorean theorem just like I was studying. I’m afraid the main thing I learned was to never, ever complain about geometry in front of my dad.
My mother went back to school to get a degree in botany when I was in high school, so basic dinner conversation included more than I ever wanted to know about many scientific topics. It was also impossible to drive down the street without pulling over to look at tree bark. Super embarrassing to teenaged cleo but I’m glad to know so much about plants now.
I have two doctor parents who really love their jobs – it’s always interesting. Dinner conversations frequently revolve around especially gross surgeries or interesting procedures. And where other families left reader’s digest and home and garden magazines in the bathroom,we have ACOG magazines (american college of obstetrics and gynecology). Try explaining that one to your friends in 7th grade! Once,my sister found a picture of a recently removed ovary sitting on the kitchen table during dinner and her response was just “what’s this?”
I have major regrets about the fact that I stopped asking my (former editor) father to edit my school papers in ninth grade. I would be a better writer if I’d kept it up, but his edits were SO OVERWHELMING.
YESSSS. The only good mansplaining is “Professor Dad”-style mansplaining. My dear old grandfather was a retired professor of microbiology, and any time cute-little-grandkid-me would pick up a rock or a bug, he’d spend like 30 minutes explaining how marvelous it was and how it fit into the local ecosystem and go into a lot more detail about cellular structure than a 7-year-old really needs. He was great.
Does yours limit it to his actual subject? My professor dad will profess about ANYTHING. I actually find his subject interesting (marketing and branding!) but once I asked him an idle question about football and was trapped for literally an hour. He drew DIAGRAMS on a NAPKIN.
Nope, all the subjects. This is mostly very good because my dad is excellent at Adulting — something I didn’t realize until I talked to my friends about finance, taxes, etc. But it’s kind of overwhelming when he tries to advise me on dating, if only because his advice is “FIND SOMEONE QUICK” as if he didn’t meet my mom by chance.
I had my first bout of strep throat when I was 10. To distract me from the pain while we were waiting in the doctor’s office waiting room, he told me to prove to him that any number times 2 was an even number (keep in mind, I’d only starting division that year). So I started listing examples, and he explained infinity and proofs by example to me. I then learned that variables were a thing, and the structure of a mathematical proof. I hated it at the time – for really, so many reasons, and I still give him grief about it – but I was awesome at proofs when I finally took geometry in high school.
My dad’s a CS professor, but also a Renaissance man, so he will profess on almost any topic in the world (mostly because when he finds a topic he doesn’t understand, he disappears into the internet to research it for a couple of days). I have inherited this tendency; the fact that I now get to educate customers on gas venting, secondary burn systems, and principles of draft makes me so goddamn happy. So thanks, dad, for giving me no option other than to become a huge nerd.
My mom refers to this as “dad’s lectures,” which he would mostly deliver when he was in the car. They would either be on music history (great! he used to go to punk shows in DC in the 80s, so he knew good shit) or his job as a lawyer dealing with communications regulatory issues, which I think everyone but me found boring. But now that I’m an academic in media studies I find myself drawing on the lectures more and more to explain things about how the US television system works.
With my dad it was chemistry or math homework. But also science fair projects–he would get so excited about them he would basically take over the project. One of my projects was something about black and white film and changing the FStop? and photographing the same plant every day to show the changes. I still have no idea what we were trying to do with that one.
I miss him.
School projects! My doctor/engineer dad “helped” me build some amazing school projects.
My Dad isn’t a professor but he is an engineer and loves to explain things. He worked in local TV when he was in his 20s and when we went to the Museum of the Moving Image a few years ago, he got such a kick out of explaining the ancient TV cameras to the very young museum staff. I think they learned stuff and I loved watching him in his element, explaining something very cool to someone who didn’t know it and can use the information.
My brothers have inherited this gift (?) and there have definitely been powerpoint presentations at the breakfast table on major holidays.
This is seriously one of the things I’m really excited about for when my kid becomes an actual person. As a geology professor married to a high school physics teacher, we are going to be the best/worst.
My son is 4 years old, and I’m already worried about how I’m going to handle is history classes.
I suspect a routine lecture of “I know, they taught you this in class, but it’s WAY over simplistic and lacking in nuance” will not go over well.
I relate to this so much. 2 chemistry professors in the house, I just left the lectures without notice when they went on for over 20 minutes. My dad also loves to just look around and explore google maps of random places and makes you watch and will be offended if you try to leave. And sometimes, to be fair, I did have questions that were a little abstract and even though I’m a humanities major and completely incompetent in explaining scientific things he still believes I could’ve been (and still should be) a theoretical mathematician.
I half-expected this to come from the Obama daughters.
I also did!
I mean, we don’t know that they didn’t write it and then ask Jasmine to post it for them so they could remain under the radar.
pretty sure it’s them using Jasmine’s name (with permission) as a pseudonym
J A S M I N E G U I L L O R Y
I AM S.O.! U JELLY? (GRIN)
DEFINITIVE proof
I’m not guarateeing anything but I might love this as much as the Tom Hiddleston one (which is tainted now that I picture him showing his wings to TAYLOR SWIFT OF ALL PEOPLE).
I just don’t understand how I’m going to live in a world where he WAS my president and he ISN’T anymore.
Hear bloody hear, UNFAIR.
“showing his wings” — have I just not heard this otherwise common phrase, or has a Destiel concept made it out into the wild?
http://the-toast.net/2016/05/12/if-tom-hiddleston…
Have you seen this? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L1jaMaIynTI This lil cutie crying that Barack won’t be president any more!! She speaks what we are all feeling :'(
OMG
I’m even sadder now
I know! I work in Downtown D.C. and I have started yelling “Bye Obama! We’ll miss you!” at the White House when I drive past it.
I already wished Obama was my dad (no offense, Real Dad), & this only heightened the feeling.
related, I read this last week & it made me cry (I just realized it’s actually from a recent link roundup, so I’m probably not alone in having read it, but still–worth it ICYMI): https://www.washingtonpost.com/posteverything/wp/….
If Barack Obama were your dad, he’d save every single one of your books from when you were little. One day you’d see a picture of him reading to the baby of one of his staffers, and you’d recognize that purple marker on the cover.
i have too many feelings about this please send help
I can’t process it either because there are too many tears getting in my way.
True Story: I *literally* picked my life-partner because Mr. Editor is like Obama with all children. I’ve seen him do sing-a-longs for over 40 babies (under 18 months), and NOT ONE CRIER for 45 minutes. We can’t walk through the park on weekends because we inevitably run unto a 4 year old he knows from his bookstore & we have to stop and talk to the children for 20 minutes at a time. He’s a highly sought after babysitter. Parents whisper behind us, “That’s baby rockstar!” when we’re walking down the street. He can’t see a baby on the subway or at a restaurant without making faces until he gets a laugh. And one day I thought to myself, “Hey, you’re like Obama with kids…” And that is the moment we decided to get married.
This is adorable and wonderful. Good partner-picking!!
Given that my self-absorbed dad can’t even remember what kind of surgery I had not that many weeks ago, because he only remembers things that are important to him or make him the center of a story, this one hurt. Especially the baby book part.
Hey, Genevieve: I totally understand, and I think many of us do. I think that’s part of what makes me smile so much seeing how much Prez O just grooves on being a sweet dad. It’s like watching a movie where everything goes right, you know? Just escape into it and enjoy.
Let me be clear.
The thought of Obama with a new grandbaby is just… squoosh my heart.
SQUOTCHLE
– my heart
I think he’s trying to figure out how to steal that baby.
I am SO TORN between my understanding that of course, if either Obama daughter has kids, they are entitled to privacy, and my desire to basically have a photographer in the house live-tweeting every moment. And I can think of a lot of people I follow on twitter who I would recommend for that job.
Here’s my plan: make my kid (granted he’s only 16, but at least he’s still a bit malleable) go to whichever Obama-daughter college he wants, and I’ll have trained him up right so he beguiles her, marries her, and fathers her child. Then I get to spend the rest of my life trying my best to steal our mutual grandbabies from Barack Obama, and I will mostly fail, but it’ll be such a fun game to lose.
We have three nephews who are the same ages as the Obama daughters and Mr Cleo and I have been mentally setting them up since 08.
Right – you can have one, I’ll take the other, we’ll have the best time at reunions
Excellent plan!
I’m not emotionally ready for this one…
Halfway through I started thinking “oh, man, can you imagine how much he’s going to love being a grandfather?” and then you went there.
The only good thing about the end of his term is that he’ll have more free time to go to elementary school science fairs.
Knocking it out of the park this week, The Toast.
I can’t stop smiling and yet also I am about to cry.
Same here.
precisely my feeling!
OH <3
CRYING
Straight-up sobbing. Who’s with me?
Me. I miss my dad so much, you guys. He’s still alive, but it’s very complicated and the idea that a father could continue to be a dad while you’re an adult is something I haven’t experienced first-hand. But I’d like to, you know? I just, well, miss him and now I’m sobbing again. Crap.
Oh, I am so, so sorry. If you are a hugger, please know that I am sending you Toastie e-hugs. And if you are not a hugger, please know that I am with you in non-hugging fashion. 🙁
Thank you!
I hear you. 🙁 My father was never much of a presence in my life and continues not to be to the point that I can’t always handle reading the Dad Magazine comment section because that has NOT been my experience and it makes me sad. You have my sympathy/empathy and virtual hugs if you want them.
Ugh, I can relate to this SO MUCH. Many understandings winging your way.
“the idea that a father could continue to be a dad while you’re an adult is something I haven’t experienced first-hand”
right in the feelz.
Right there with you. All the virtual hugs.
oh god i love this. i want him as my dad SO BAD. if he isn’t president anymore, do you think i can elect him to be my dad instead? (i love my dad, but, a girl can have two dads, right?)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-jSZO37QV4E
Yep, 2 dads is legit, SCOTUS said so.
A family can be ten dads!
By the end I was curled up like a pillbug trying to protect my tender heart. Oh. Best. The best.
What must it be like to grade the government homework of the President’s children, though.
Does anyone know any Sidwell Friends teachers??? I’ve got questions.
I’m waiting for CleverManka’s TWW gif about it.
i am anxiously waiting for malia and/or sasha to confirm that all this is true, and to maybe share a picture of him wearing one of those terrifically ugly steph curry shoes
-muffled sob-
why are you doing this to us
So many emotions right now. I can’t handle this! Can’t he be president for a third term? I won’t tell anyone!
So here’s my lineup: Obama for a third term, then Hillary, then Michelle, then Elizabeth Warren, then Cory Booker. Who’s with me?
I am mostly with you but I quibble with the order; let’s have Hillary next and then Obama for a non-consecutive next term, Grover Cleveland-style.
(Except, you know, the unconstitutionality of a third term, but whatever.)
I like it but I had never heard of Obama until, what, 2004? That many terms in the future, I want whoever 2016’s unknown ambitious young person is.
Or can we have Hillary appoint Obama to be our 9th Supreme Court Justice?
This would make my decade.
YESSSSSSS this would be the BEST.
For us.
Probs not for him.
But still.
If Barack Obama were your father, you’d get used to being introduced to people and inevitably, within ten minutes, hearing their stories of where they were on Election Night 2008. Not from people your age, so much, but their older siblings and their parents: “I was with friends, at a bar, and everyone cried!” “At an apartment, and the host had the Ode to Joy cued up to blast out the windows when Jon Stewart called it, and we all cried.” “Downtown DC, on U, even the cops were cheering!” “I was hugged by so many strangers.” “You couldn’t find a newspaper the next day, my one regret.” You were so young then that it’s hard to relate, but your parents have taught you to hear this out and accept that people need to say it. It’s weird, because he’s your dad and you know when he still sneaks a cigarette, but you learn, younger than most kids, that your father is a separate person as well as a parent, and you are (quietly, because it’s embarrassing to admit even to yourself) a little jealous that people think they can love him even a tiny bit as much as you do.
I never thought of this before, but YES!!!
A+ comment.
I feel weirdly misty-eyed when I think about how amazing We The People felt on Election Night 2008, especially given the current political situation.
oh my god yes.
This made me tear up (I was close before that, but it put me over the edge). It also made me wonder where my copy of the Times from the next morning is, because I *know* I didn’t throw it out but I haven’t seen it in a while.
The jerk I was dating back then was a jerk, but he did get up super early to snag a paper from the dorms for me, and for that I will always be thankful.
I was in a Scottish bar in Paris surrounded by strangers watching the election coverage. When they announced he’d won, a big group of drunk guys started singing the Star Spangled Banner and EVERYONE joined in. Then he went on to make a speech that mentioned LGBTQ+ rights, and I’d never heard an American president speak about us so positively before, so I started to cry. I’m not sure I’ve ever been prouder to be an American (and, let’s face it, sometimes I’m a little embarrassed–see: every mass shooting) than I was that night.
I totally played the Ode to Joy too and danced around like a maniac (after loudly squeeing when I heard the news). It was my first election as a voter, and one of the most exciting moments of my life.
Barack Obama and my dad are basically the same, only substitute physics/math for government.
What adorable nerds.
In that case, you are a very lucky person. But I’m guessing you already know that!
Thank you for making me cry happy tears.
Yeah, I think my dad might actually be Barack Obama in clever disguise?
He got his PhD in math, and asking him for help in all my high school math classes was a gamble because I’d either all of a sudden get it, or he would say something like, “Well, let x = 7.1452, and let y = …”
I discovered that saved a pirate monkey onesie for my future (currently imaginary) offspring. He told me the other day that he wished it wasn’t probably creepy for him to smile so much at other peoples’ babies. He can STILL recite Where The Wild Things Are and The Cat in the Hat by heart. <3 dads.
Dad fears of being creepy! I blame the kyriarchy. (I went out to dinner with my parents and sister on Fathers Day, and my dad saw a couple handling their extremely new baby, and he caught the dad’s eye and gave him a thumbs-up, and I basically had to sniffle into my drink.)
My dad always will wear the associated clothing of whatever university his daughters happen to have affiliations with. At one point, he paired a purple long-sleeve polo from my phd school with a maroon fleece vest from my sister’s masters school. It was the absolute best.
If Barack Obama were your dad then he would never totally trail off when answering your questions. He might pause for a moment, but he’ll always finish answering instead of just trailing off and forgetting you’re sitting there.
If Barack Obama were your dad he would ALWAYS remember that, even if you have some things in common, you and your sibling are completely different people with completely different interests/experiences and not just and older clone and a younger clone.
If Barack Obama were your dad his “dad talks” would be AWESOME. Sure, he may not understand exactly what’s got you distressed and he may not know you like your mom or your friends do. But he still knows you really well and tries to remember what’s going on in your life. So even if his dad talks are dorky and awkward, he always manages to say something that helps.
My heart stopped when I saw the title this morning. And then it ripped in half, because this is it, this is the end, and now I’m crying at work.
Yep. How can we lose Obama as President and The Toast as website in the same year? There is no mercy in this world.
I have goosebumps. This series is going out on its PEAK.
Look, this is really lovely and emotional and all, but I’d also still take If Barack Obama Were Your Boyfriend, I’m just saying….
Yeah, since Barack is a little younger than me, I also would like a Boyfriend version, thanks.
For the record, I would never dream of breaking up the dream team of Barack and Michelle, I’m just saying, as long as we’re playing pretend…
But of course.
Nothing to add, this is all perfect, but I have to say: that last pic is so freaking adorable it hurts.
Can’t see Obama as my dad cos I had a sex dream about him once, and IN THE DREAM I was like no this is awful what about Michelle?
This happened to me too! And I’m a lesbian!
Oh Frogs me too, except he was my boyfriend and there was no sex, just jumping off a ladder in the Oval Office and a picnic on the White House lawn, and I was *still* worried about Michelle.
In college, my BFF roomie was having the shittiest year. We lived in Hye Park. To make her laugh and cheer her up, I made up a scav list of bad decisions and terrible things to do with point values. Like if you drove cross country for a booty call with an x, 15 points. Punched that horrible guy who broke your heart, 50 points. Break up an established couple, 20 points. Break up Michele and Barry? Minus 1000 points.
BE MY FATHER OBAMA!
If Obama won’t go to The Mountain, The Mountain must go to Obama.
All I really have is: awwwwwwwwwwww.
You just know that Barry would be a baby-wearer.
Also: Barack is basically just a young, black version of Jed Bartlet, essentially.
I held it together until right here.
CRYING. WHY CAN’T I HAVE NICE DAD
*piles up Kleenex boxes and soft blankets*
I’m with you, thezlot, in the nice-dad-envying corner. I wish awesome dads were standard issue.
(Edited, because autocorrect bit me.)
Same.
Solidarity.
Yep.
It took me until today to read this because of this exact thing. I’ve had it open in a tab since it was posted. I knew it would be exactly what I wanted, but also make me feel this.
I wish I had a dad.
My sister went to college with a (very talented and nice boy) and at every graduation event his father was like YEAH! THAT’S MY SON! YEAH! and it was just so delightful how thrilled he was by his son.
About that last point: In 2008 I was a committed Hillary supporter, and was wrecked when she lost her chance at the Oval Office. Then when I saw how Barack just LOOKED at Michelle, and how he was with his daughters I knew it was going to be all right after all.
Besides, it’s 2016 and I got my Hillary sign out of storage. I am kind of Win-Win these days.
Except for losing The Toast. I am not okay with that really.
Yes! I was also pro-Hillz in ’08. But Michelle Obama is the FIRST FLOTUS to not do that half step/cheated shoulder behind her husband thing. You can look back at the pics from the 90s at Hillary and they keep trying to force her into that Political Wife Mark. And Michelle came out and was like EFFF THAT. She pulled her chair up right next to Barack in every interview. In that moment, she had my vote. I mean…he. He had my vote.
Also, Barack with the squishes. I just cannot handle him with babies.
I would vote for Michelle (for anything, really) in a HEARTBEAT.
I think the media and the rightwing first began to hate Hillary when she did not want to change her surname from Rodham to Clinton, and then when she did not want to stand smiling behind her husband in a dress designed in 1950,* and then when she did not want to compete with Barbara Bush for the best cookie recipe. By the time she launched the country’s first effort at universal health care, the case was closed.
*That dress, those dresses, the ghost of Mamie Eisenhower. My next doctoral dissertation will be on the iconography of the one-color pantsuit.
This is the perfect way to cap the If X Were Your Y series.
Things I am going to miss so badly when they are gone, so much that it almost makes me want to cry:
1. The Obamas in the White House
2. If X Were Your Y series on The Toast
3. The Toast
ugh yes to all of these things.
ps oh hi your comment is from 4 days ago; I have no regrets, the toast is ending and I will comment on all the old comments I want.
If commenting on older threads is wrong, then I don’t want to be right.
A love song to someone I will miss in this country’s White House. Yes.
I’m going to miss him SO MUCH. what a good dad-president 🙁
Trying not to cry at my desk…
Also my own dad sent me a text this morning saying he wanted to let me know he loved me and that he doesn’t do so enough. My dad signs all his texts with “Dad” or “Love, Dad.” Like I won’t know it’s from him, otherwise.
Was not expecting today to involve so many dad-feels.
My dad does that too! He writes me a little letter-text every time. It’s so sweet.
I’M NOT CRYING YOU’RE CRYING
These tears are real! This is quite possibly the best entry of this series and the worst because it reminded me of two wonderful things coming to an end.
Damn you Monday!
I recently saw a picture of Obama, Sasha, and Malia sitting on the couch, watching Michelle on TV. He had an arm around each girl, and they were snuggling against him and laughing and pointing at the TV. I felt a flash of happiness to see a man who enjoys being with his daughters, and another flash of longing for my own, long-dead father.
I’ll just add that our family loved musicals, and one day when we were listening to the “Soliloquy” from “Carousel” and my father heard the line “You can have fun with a son/But you gotta be a father to a girl,” he said, “That’s just wrong. Boys need fathers, too, and you can have lots of fun with a girl.”
In memory of my father, and in honor of Sasha and Malia’s. . . .
Whelp, now I’m crying. My Dad died a long time ago, and last week I went to an old friend’s house and saw some sculptures that my dad had made on his shelf. One of them was of me. I hadn’t seen my friend for 15 years and I’d never seen that sculpture. On the bottom was written “So you never forget her either.” LOST MY SHIT.
You know that feeling where you’re really choked up and not actually crying but holding back the tears makes you feel like you might puke? Yeah.
Thank you. Thank you SO MUCH.
*delighted chuckle* *delighted chuckle *delighted chuckle *wrenching sob*
One of my favorite small things about Obama’s presidency is the dozens and dozens of pictures of him with small children. It is so apparent that he genuinely delights in them, and that they can tell and respond. I wish he could snuggle my baby. She wouldn’t remember, but I would!
This is THE BEST, JASMINE!!!!! 😀
(do u see wut i did there, old hairpinners?)
I should also say that I was not just saying that for the punz: this really was the best.
I also feel like it’s very realistic? You absolutely cannot convince me that Obama doesn’t actually do every single one of these things.
This is amazing.
Okay, I’m still laughing about this.
And I think the funniest part is that the words are spaced in such a way that you get the ubiquitous Obama Pause when reading it. And that makes it The Best.
MY FEELS!
I’m seeing Hamilton on the 30th, and I’m sad about *so much* in 2016, but especially about the end of the Obama administration, and the end of The Toast, and by the time One Last Time is staged, knowing it’s mere hours before The Toast closes, mere months before Obama goes to sit under his own vine, and fig tree….
Just damn, y’all.
Tears. Nothing compared to the tears I’ll shed when he leaves office, but tears nonetheless.
I just saw the title of this and WAILED!!! Mostly in my head of course, but still. Now I will go read it.
The Curry shoes and windbreaker bit!!! So perfect.
GREAT way to finish strong. Just like Barack.
If Barack Obama were your dad, he would let all of your friends come over to the White House after the prom to hang out, and he would go wild buying all sorts of snacks for you all to gorge on.
I have been seriously wondering about prom for the Obama girls (not that it’s any of my business). But. Ever since I went to the Gerald Ford Presidential Library and learned that the youngest Ford daughter had her prom at the White House, i’ve been wondering if they’d do the same for the Obama girls.
Sounds like a good idea. Wait until your children turn into semi adults. You will want a wonderful chaperone such as this.
IF? Barack Obama IS my dad.
Tears a’flowin’. Good work, in every sense.
This is so perfect. So, so great. I smiled when I saw the title, even before I clicked on it.
Same. 🙂
I am wondering, while blinking back tears, what his feelings are on tarps and umbrellas.
If Barack Obama were your dad, he would totally try out all of your mom’s odder forays into health foods during your no-less-than-five-per-week family dinners. “These kelp noodles are delicious,” he’d say, liberally sprinkling them with salt before they make their way to his mouth. When you looked at him skeptically, he would serve himself a second helping and give you his best PR smile (with some kelp noodles in his teeth for emphasis.)
If Barack Obama were your dad, you’d try to avoid talking to him about politics as you got older and more cynical about policy change. One day, while you were traveling abroad, he would catch you off guard by asking if you were thinking about extending your stay in Denmark. “I don’t know,” you’d say without thinking, “Sometimes I think it would be nice to live in a country with actual maternity leave policies.” The phone would go quiet for a moment, and then your dad would say, “That’s tough, hon. You know how hard we’re fighting over here to make change.” You’d wrap up the conversation with chit-chat about food and your newfound love for bicycles, but before you hung up, your dad would say, “Remember that your mom and I will support you no matter what you do. But if the Bushes could have two generations in this House, I’ll be damned if I don’t think the Obamas can have three. And your sister, too, even if she put an exclamation mark next to her name on the logo.”
This is perfect. You are perfect.
Awwwwww your comment made my day.
It’s not like I’ve been imagining Barack Obama as my dad for the past 8 years. Nope.
(But those pictures of him with babies! My heart. I can’t.)
That is literally the most awesome thing I've heard of a dad saying (not having one myself).
My dad does that too! He writes me a little letter-text every time. It's so sweet.
Y'all, the Obamas are going to live on my street and I don't even know how to deal with this
Okay, I'm still laughing about this.
And I think the funniest part is that the words are spaced in such a way that you get the ubiquitous Obama Pause when reading it. And that makes it The Best.
When the election was called, I ran down my dorm hallway singing "We Are the Champions." It was a glorious moment.
One of my coworker’s daughters played against Sasha in basketball. She showed me pictures of of the Obama family sitting on the floor because there were no bleachers and cheering for Sasha. It was so endearing.