It's not a bathroom, it's a PISS GRAVEYARD.

They're not pants, they're an ASS CAGE.

It's not a vacuum cleaner, it's a CHOKING ROBOT.

It's not an alarm clock, it's the METAL AWAKENING.

Skeletons in your local pharmacy. Bad horror remakes on TV. “This Is My Costume” t-­shirts at Hot Topic. Let’s face it: the only thing scary about Halloween these days is how commercial it’s gotten. When will goths rise up and take back our holiday? These days, a plague of indifference has consumed the goth community when it comes to Halloween. Even when I was a wee kindergoth, we had respect for the true meaning of…

This Classic Toast post originally ran on August 28, 2013.