1. It’s so nice to see you! (My Xanax just kicked in.)
2. My hair is different, thank you for noticing. It was time for a change (...back to the way it grows out of my head).
3. I’m very seriously considering grad school. (Tisch’s MFA program had an open reception at the MoMA one night, and there was an exhibit I really wanted to not pay to see.)

Now that I own a home, my entire life will change – slowly at first, then with increasing velocity, until my daily routine becomes indistinguishable from scenes from a Nancy Meyers film. I will no longer eat every meal out of the same bowl (which I call Bowlie) without washing it, such that it becomes encrusted with successive layers of melted-and-re-congealed cheese and vinegars and other foodstuffs. I will never again eat saltines in…