The charming gentleman on your left is not, apparently, Scarecrow from Batman Begins, but one of the subjects of National Geographic’s recent photo-essay on terrifying, amazing-looking costumes still donned in various areas of Europe (basically all areas, just the remoter parts!) for fertility and hunt festivals. The pictures are completely extraordinary; Mallory hates when I reference The Mists of Avalon, but obviously these are all men one could look forward to being ceremonially deflowered by at the Beltane Fires.
There are clearly many reasons why monotheism mostly pounded the spectrum of more seasonal Earth-based paganistic European religions into the ground, but, despite not really believing in much of anything, it seems like such a shame to me. Spring comes, then summer, then fall, then winter. Repeat. Things are born, then they die. What’s to doubt? What I’m saying, I guess, knowing literally nothing about these traditions and speaking fatuously about them, is that it seems completely arbitrary to me that people who are pagans or Wiccans or what-have-you at this point are seen as a bit of a joke by most of mainstream society, or, best case scenario, just politely ignored. The goofy goddess-y girls that Willow and Tara make fun of, or your aunt’s friend who owns a bunch of cats and a candle store. It seems to me that one either leans towards believing in the yawning maw of the Void, or believes in some sort of other thing, all of which would seem to have similar validity, and it really is not clear why believing in an OLDER THING would be weirder or more frivolous than a newer thing.
Wouldn’t it be comforting to think there was a reason or answer for the bee thing, beyond “whoa, that’s fucked up”? Like, “okay, well, this has happened, so let’s all don these outfits and trace a line around ourselves and hope for the best.”
I’ll bring snacks.
Works Referenced:
Marion Zimmer Bradley, The Mists of Avalon (Indiebound | Amazon)
Tags: basically the wicker man, costumes, weird true tales, wild men
More Mists of Avalon references, please.
It’s always fun watching Mallory flip out.
Everyone needs one flaw, hence Shakespeare’s heroes. This is Mallory’s, mine is being really aggravating.
IT’S A GARBAGE BOOK
It’s an amazing book, and it literally never ends. I have no memory of ever actually finishing it. Once you start, you just live on Avalon, wandering into trees and having sex with stags and menstruating forever.
True, and Marion Zimmer Bradley was apparently too happy to oblige, since I spent 80% of high school reading Mists of Avalon AND all the sequels.
Those damn sequels, man, even after Diana Paxson took over I didn’t stop. Ravens of Avalon was not nearly as boss as it should’ve been, considering it was about BOUDICCA.
SO MANY SEQUELS THAT ARE ALL PRETTY MUCH THE SAME. I don’t even know how many of them I read … will have to investigate my parent’s basement at some point, I think they’re all still down there.
But it’s really kind of fascinatingly self-contradictory garbage. Virginity is a silly thing to value, except it’s so meaningful it’s actually magic! Christianity is an intolerant assimilating force, except it’s actually syncretic and accommodating!
I mean, when I stole my mother’s copy in 5th grade, all I cared about was the sex and that all the characters were women. But looking back, it seems illustrative of some weird and interesting stuff going down the author’s psyche.
I knew I loved you for a reason.
…I mean, there are many reasons I love you, but this one is as good as any.
Mists of Avaloooooooon. Love.
Mists of Avalooooon! Loved it. Want to live in it for a little while.
See, Mallory? This is how normal women respond to The Mists of Avalon. By inserting extra “o”s until they collapse with happiness.
I’m so excited–I just grabbed that book last weekend from the “Discard” pile at the library! It sounds like the perfect summer time travel reading for my visit home. Or just plain reading.
This is one of the link-based short posts our publisher begged us to sprinkle into your day. In case you couldn’t tell! “Wait, I clicked through, WHERE IS THE REST OF IT?”
In your heart. I see it. It’s beautiful. It’s full of stars.
Your publisher is so very smart, with wonderful ideas.
You guys, can we have more posts about The Wicker Man, because it changed my LIFE. (In that I now know that, as a woman, I should spend significantly more time plotting against the peripheral men in my life.)
I have seen the original Wicker Man movie over fifteen times. I would totally move to the island and let Christopher Lee lead my rituals.
I LOVE The WIcker Man. Grew up on an island of the North west coast of Scotland myself, strangely religious place – but of the Church of Scotland Wee Free variety. No Maypoles. Gutted. But I look forward to duping some soul on the matter of the apple harvest when I get a chance.
You could get a whole SERIES out of that. So You Think You Want to Be an Occultist: My Years on Summerisle
Wait wait, in the terrible Nicolas Cage version of Wicker Man he gets covered in bees. I think there’s something to this. “Okay, well this horrible bee thing has happened, so let’s put a gratuitous 1984-style bee helmet on this dude and hope for the be(e)st.”
I checked the novelization out of the library about eight times in high school, long before I found out there was a movie, and lo, this is how I learned what “priapic” meant.
I’m not sure if your use of the phrase “look forward” is serious up there, in the “look forward to being deflowerd by,” etc, but: yes.
Toast-style clickbait.
Tasty!
I once had a conversation with a uber-Catholic great-aunt wherein I tried to explain Wicca to her, and she was like, “I’m sorry, but that just sounds crazy!” And I was too polite to ask her why it was any crazier than believing in a sky-wizard whose magical son died and came back to life, somehow saving everyone from languishing in a metaphysical pit of flames if only they believed hard enough. I kinda wish I had asked. She died not long ago, and I wonder what’s she’s found out.
I had a similar interaction with a friend after reading about the different slave religions that developed in the Americas. She (who is pretty into her Christianity) said something along the lines of “it’s so bizarre”, to which I replied “no more bizarre than the burning talking bush that’s actually god”. She agreed.
That is the greatest description I have ever heard. I would totally be apart of it if people said that.
Guys, stop trying to make paganism happen.
Nah just kidding, I actually really like what I perceive paganism as, although I’m a bit too burned by my own experiences vis a vis religion to be able to actually believe in it, I think “oh that’s nice” just sort of being nice to the planet and trying to work with it instead of “taming” it.
I am very hesitant to say anything about actual paganism or Wicca, as a real thing practiced by actual people, since all I know is a) The Wicker Man, and b) the girls Willow and Tara made fun of.
There’s got to be at least one pagan Toastie that can write us something!
In my dealings with pagans, they are much like the rest of the population when it comes to religion – some of them are chill people, some of them are assholes. Generally none of them have ever tried to convert me or tell me that I am going to hell because of my lack of faith, which is nice, but I do know some who use their religion to justify some bullshit behavior.
Yessss I totally happened into a Masopust festival in the outskirts of Prague and it was bizarre and creepy and awesome. Esp when you consider it’s essentially the same celebration as Mardi Gras in the US!
Ohhh from the Amazon description Mists of Avalon sounds fabulous BUT do I need to know anything at all about Camelot before I read it? Because the only thing I know is the music from the Julie Andrews production. Not even the movie/play itself (or if it is a move or a play), just the music.
Don’t worry about it- Mists of Avalon is basically like, ‘have you vaguely heard of these people? ok hold on we’re adding 60 more consonants to their name and a bard named Kevin and OFF WE GO TO HOMOEROTIC LONGING AND INCEST, HAIL TO THE GODDESS.’ oh it’s so good.
“Let’s add ‘w’s to everything! Also, Atlantis.”
just watch Sword in the Stone first
And if you want to know more about Camelot (the Julie Andrews production), go read The Once and Future King, which is awesome and (sorry, ladies) totally rocks all over The Mists of Avalon.
Yes, I majored in Dead White Guys, why do you ask?
Still my favorite version! (and I have read so many versions, someday I will read all the versions, but White is my man for life and I recently got the beautiful Folio edition :B).
The other title for this post is “Where Guillermo Del Toro Is Coming From.”
I knew I loved you for a reason.
…I mean, there are many reasons I love you, but this one is as good as any.
The Dark is Rising informed and enhanced my growing up. Even as an Old One, I still read it regularly. And every now and then pops into my head, What would Will Stanton do?
And if you want to know more about Camelot (the Julie Andrews production), go read The Once and Future King, which is awesome and (sorry, ladies) totally rocks all over The Mists of Avalon.
Yes, I majored in Dead White Guys, why do you ask?
Occasionally I ask myself, Am I being the person Will Stanton knows I can be?
WHAT. NEW SUSAN COOPER. WHAT.
OK, so if we brought back the Beltane fires, do you think there would be more angst about losing one’s virginity, or less? WHAT IF YOU DIDN’T GET PICKED!? Oh god, I am having a panic attack just thinking about it.
OK, so if we brought back the Beltane fires, do you think there would be more angst about losing one's virginity, or less? WHAT IF YOU DIDN'T GET PICKED!? Oh god, I am having a panic attack just thinking about it.
That is the greatest description I have ever heard. I would totally be apart of it if people said that.