Texts From Emily Dickinson

by Mallory Ortberg · August 14, 2013

emilyPrevious entries in the series can be found here.

I saw –
Today –
a Cricket Man,
okay
he did not stop to Chat —
is that it
did anything else happen
No –

let’s go out tonight okay
we don’t have to do anything big but I think we should go out
just for dinner or something
I think that would be a good idea
Go out, Again?-
I went Out to Mount Holyoke
for college
you went there for college thirteen years ago
And now I must rest.

have you seen –
my Shawl
which shawl
the White shawl
I thought you were wearing your white shawl
a person can have more than one white Shawl
a person cannot be content with but one white Shawl
i think i saw it downstairs
Alas
just on the couch
You know I do not go downed Stairs
I will knit a new one
that’s ridiculous
when I die
I wish to be buried in that Shawl
I wish to be buried — in ten Thousand Shawls –
you’re not dying
you’re just afraid of the stairs
No Coward Soul Is Mine
I fear no Step’d Floor
do you want me to just bring it to you
if you are already going to be coming Upstairs
will you also grab my slippers by the Door
and also –
yes?
some — Tea
okay
also there are four more Shawls on the stairs
bring those too

A narrow Fellow in the Grass
Occasionally rides –-
do you mean Harris?
the caretaker?
You may have met Him –-
That’s Harris
did you not
His notice sudden is -–
have you been hiding in the yard again?
he is snakes
He is not snakes
he is definitely Snakes
you know it scares the maids when you hide in the yard
A Burdock – clawed my Gown
Emily
A Bird came down the Walk
A Rat Surrendered here
Emily none of this is true
Fame is a Bee
I can see you from the window
nothing’s clawing at you or surrendering
a soft Sea is washing around the house
I haven’t told the Garden yet
Emily why don’t you come inside
A Toad can die of Light, you know
I know
why don’t you come inside
I’ll get your white shawl
which white Shawl
whichever one you want
I want the one in the library
okay
will you come inside then?
Toads can die of light you know
I believe you
Kills them right up

Emily
Emily, dearest
will you please let me in?
I just want to air out your room
Air has no Residence
no Neighbor
Emily, it’s been an awfully long time since you came out
can I please come in?
not — Now –
When can I come in?
After a hundred years
Emily
will you give me a real amount of time, please?
After all Birds have been investigated and laid aside
do you have birds in there?
After the Sun comes out
Emily
answer the question
At Half past Three
how many birds are in there
A single Bird
this is why people don’t visit us
the bird thing
Back from the cordial Grave I dragged him
is the bird still alive, Emily?
do you know what the Best witchcraft is?
Emily
Geometry
just tell me if the bird is still alive
COCOONS ABOVE
COCOONS BELOW
I’m coming in
COCOONS

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46 Comments

        1. lonely cheese +2

          Perfect! A delicious cheese party is the best kind of party. But then I’ll have to change my name. Gregarious gouda, maybe, or chatty camembert?

          1. fondue with cheddar +4

            You can be hushed havarti for all I care. We can cuddle if you don’t want to talk. I just want to surround myself with cheese, always.

  4. missellabell +24

    This is my favourite and I know I have to stop saying this, but this one really is. There is a story in it.

    3. daisymap +7

      EVERY TIME I think we have reached the pinnacle of my appreciation for Texts From I am proved wrong. Each one is better than the last.

      2. HotDoom +24

        YES. Except I might actually faint and perish if there is a Texts from…Anne Shirley, Marilla or Diana Barry.

        2. phlippin +12

          I believe I already not-so-subtly requested this on Hairpin once, but I shall do it again without shame: I need DRUNK DIANA TEXTS in my life!

      3. greyhavens9 +6

        I keep thinking Mallory can’t top her previous Texts From. And then I am gladly proven wrong.

  7. YoungLeafedJune +5

    *Hyperventilates with delight*. I’m imagining these coming from her sister Vinnie, the practical one (though also, the crazy cat lady one).

  10. mclloyddavies +37

    I sent this to my mother, who responded:
    “Wondrous oh most wondrous! –
    ‘Humor’ is the thing with Elbows
    That nudges in the Street –
    Though undespised
    It gives Naught to eat –
    My blame — not Elbows —
    For laughing through my nose.”

  11. invisiblecities +2

    I can’t even…brilliant.
    Now I’m trawling the corners of my brain as to who else would appreciate this…

  12. S. Pebbletush +11

    THIS IS THE GREATEST THING EVER WRITTEN I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!
    Love,
    Mount Holyoke ’08
    English major, 19th cent. American lit fanatic
    Owner/lover of Emily Dickinson coffee mug

  13. S. Pebbletush +14

    I think we need to collectively bring back the shawl. Snuggies are not nearly as cute.

  15. amativus +55

    I know nothing in the world that has as much power as a word. Sometimes I write one, and I look at it, until it begins to shine.

    is this why you take so long to reply

  17. EmDash +6

    !

    Reminds me of when my dad had me read a couple of her poems when I was in junior high without telling me anything about her and my reaction was “Wow, this lady needs to get out more.”

    1. MalloryOrtberg +51

      That’s true! It was also Dickinson’s favorite poem. She loved it so much that she had it read at her funeral. LAYERS WITHIN LAYERS

  19. threlkelded +41

    I like to imagine all the writers are texting the same person, and that person is so, so tired. I want to buy that person a drink.

  20. Emily

    I like to imagine all the writers are texting the same person, and that person is so, so tired. I want to buy that person a drink.

  25. Spinozagal

    Omg I feel like I’m in heaven! I wish I had discovered “The Toast” and especially “Texts from” sooner. Better late than never:) This installment is Perfection! (Prufrock is next favorite) I laughed so hard I almost fell off my chair in the midst of a crowded cafeteria. The shawl bit was brilliant!