1. If you have a “Notes” app, I bet you’ll find you have old shopping lists. I already bought more dishwasher pods! DELETED.
2. When you click on a “contact” link, does it auto-open an email program you don’t even use, instead of Gmail? Stop dicking around and fix that. Look around proudly.
3. Why do you have 48 emails in your Drafts folder? Are a lot of them just because you started typing an address and then forgot? GONE.
4. Maybe it would be fun to re-do your gym playlist and your walking-around playlist and your pacifying-toddler playlist. I mean, have you updated your playlists to reflect Robin Thicke? Or, maybe you could just consciously not add Robin Thicke to your gym playlist, if that’s more your style. Just hit +, imagine adding Robin Thicke, do nothing, then put on some really shiny red lipstick and click on Liz Phair’s “Fuck and Run” instead. It dips at parts, but you can use that for high-intensity interval training.
5. Make your sweaters face the same way in the closet. Make all your shoes face the same way in the closet. Pull the arms of your sweater right-ways-out in the closet. Check the pockets of your sweaters for change. Put all your change into a coin purse. Check the pockets of your sweaters for wadded-up Kleenexes. Put the wadded-up Kleenexes in the trash.
6. You know when you’re looking at a recipe at work, and you can’t remember if you have a 9 inch or a 10 inch cake pan at home? Write down all the cookware you own and save it in an email in your Drafts folder. “Do you have a bundt thing I can borrow?” “LEMME CHECK.”
7. Make a bar cart by supergluing four toy cars to the bottom of a heavy cardboard box. Put gin in that box.
8. Change your Brita filter. Read an article about turning a Brita filter into a reusable activated carbon filter. Throw out your old Brita filter.
9. Buy one of those days-of-the-week pill dispensers and then put your BC and your multi and your fish oil and your D and your calcium and your branch-chain amino acids into it for the next week. Pause and wonder if you are responsible for making super-sharks possible with your heavily-supplemented urine.
10. Go through your RSS subscriptions and remove all healthy living blogs that mention stirring nut butters into oatmeal more than three times a week.
11. Put garam masala on microwave popcorn and eat it.
Nicole is an Editor of The Toast.