The singles in your area have always been available.
The singles in your area have always been just a click away.
The singles in your area have always been eager to meet you.
The singles in your area are bored and lonely.
The singles in your area have been looking for someone to talk to.
The singles in your area have been looking at your profile.
The singles in your area are very interested in hearing from you.
The singles in your area are dying to get to know you.
The singles in your area are ready to chat live.
The singles in your area have been growing restless.
The singles in your area are getting tired of waiting.
The singles in your area are serious about finding love.
The singles in your area would never make you do anything you’re not comfortable with.
The singles in your area are drawing their lips back from their teeth.
The singles in your area have been searching online for you.
The singles in your area just want you to get to know them.
The singles in your area want you to give them a chance.
The singles in your area have begun communicating with one another through a series of high-pitched bursts and clicks.
The singles in your area are interested in listening to music together.
The singles in your area are becoming increasingly aerodynamic and conserving their strength.
The singles in your area were looking forward to meeting you tonight.
The singles in your area are sick of disappointment.
The singles in your area have stopped showing up for work, to school, and for personal obligations.
The singles in your area are refreshing their inboxes forty times in an hour.
The singles in your area are staying at home. They’re leaving the lights off. They’re sitting and they’re waiting. They’re turning their heads slightly towards the door, and they’re holding themselves perfectly still.
The singles in your area have a box underneath their beds.
The singles in your area are ready to mingle at a moment’s notice.
The singles in your area are breathing, but just barely.
The singles in your area have stopped blinking.
The singles in your area have been keeping things in the box under the bed. They haven’t shown the box to anyone else, but they would show it to you.
The singles in your area have put a box under your bed, too.
The singles in your area want you to look in the box. The singles in your area will wait.
The singles in your area have forgotten how to laugh. They can recognize it when it happens, but they can’t seem to make the sounds in quite the right way anymore.
The singles in your area are all saying “hello” very quietly, at the same time. There are so many of them you can feel the “hello” vibrate through your limbs more than you hear it.
The singles in your area are clattering and chattering and clacking their teeth together, harder and harder and harder until their molars start to splinter and shatter and explode into bloody, pulpy fragments.
The singles in your area are moving differently. Not faster, exactly, but differently. And they’re all moving now.
The singles in your area have begun to coordinate.
The singles in your area are slowly forming themselves into a massive spiral pattern that is visible from space.
The singles in your area are done waiting.
Tags: horror, singles, things happening near you, your area
the singles in my area are mostly 65+, which adds a great new level of horror to these ideas – shuffling, tooth-shattering, gumming, lonely, angry zombie singles
Oh god, good morning Tuesday, let’s all go back home and hide in our beds now.
What with the singles in my area and the weight watchers, I may never leave my bed again.
Just remember, it’s probably not safe under your bed either!
Avoid under the bed! The box is there! And it very likely contains a severed head.
I peeked – it turns out a severed head is the least of our worries.
Oh god. It’s a box filled with everyone I regret sleeping with, isn’t it.
I was trying to come up with something super scary, but I can’t think of anything more frightening than this.
WHAT’S IN THE BOOOOOX
If I were single, I would shoooooooooooow yoooooooooooou.
Forever.
The only singles in my area are Kraft.
The singles in my area feast on the blood of white virginal bulls.
(obligatory OTHER comment: I’d like a few singles in MY area, hurr hurrr hurr)
Such perfect morning reading for a personal day.
The singles in your area have something stuck in their teeth, all of them, that they won’t notice until flossing before bed.
The singles in your area are never as good as the albums.
The singles in your area think there’s someone, something, behind you, no don’t look behind you, never look, just close your computer and walk very slowly to your bathroom and check the mirror, but whatever you do, don’t turn around.
The singles in your area promise not to murder you. Probably.
The singles in your area are technically polyamorous pansexuals who would really like to lend you their copy of The Ethical Slut.
That’s not the sound of crickets outside. That’s the singles in your area…
I woke up from a nightmare about crickets taking over my closet today. Maybe it was the singles.
“And now, the weather.”
The singles in your area—you know, the farmers—are…
The singles in your area can see sound. The singles in your area can hear color. The singles in your area are not bound by normal physics. The singles in your area are coming through your walls. The singles in your area are surrounding your bed. The singles in your area are opening their mouths in a silent endless scream. The singles in your area are leaning in. The singles in your area are horrible gaping mouths. The singles in your area will be thirsting for your ears and your teeth and your eyes forever.
And that’s why I deleted my OKCupid account, MOM.
“Well, maybe one date. I’m not super into horrible gaping mouths or silent endless screams, but I don’t want to just write the singles in my area off without giving them a chance, y’know?”
the MOM at the end made this perfect
Oh no, it’s fine, I didn’t need to sleep this week. REALLY, IT’S FINE.
The singles in your area know one weird old tip to lose belly fat fast. Oh, they know it well.
Power companies hate the singles in your area.
Doctors are not the biggest fans of singles in your area, either. Dentists, for some reason, have an especial loathing.
This is all I could think about while reading that.
Edited b/c suck at coding.
The singles in your area would like you to be single too. Single arm single leg single eye single tooth. The singles in your area will help you be single.
Mallory, when did you start writing for Night Vale?!
Doctors are not the biggest fans of singles in your area, either. Dentists, for some reason, have an especial loathing.
If I were single, I would shoooooooooooow yoooooooooooou.
Forever.
Hand to God, when I cautiously dipped my toes into the murky waters of OKCupid, the very first user to view my profile was named “maymurderyou”
The shingles in your area are spreading. See your doctor.