Previously: The Office is Not Too Cold.

June 4th

Your first day of work. She does not make eye contact with you once while she leads you through the fourth-floor layout (“Here’s the copy room. That’s the copier. Let me know if you need help using the copier. Okay, let’s head to the mail room. You can’t send personal mail in the mail room. Sometimes people used to use it to send back their Netflix DVDs, but nobody really does that anymore.” She never says anything while you’re in the hallways going from room to room, just walks in silence until her monologue starts up again).

Later that afternoon, a Gchat from someone you don’t know appears on your screen. You don’t notice it for several minutes, since you’ve carefully minimized your personal email, at least until you can figure out just how overt you’re allowed to be about things like that here. Her chat handle in no way resembles her real name, so it takes you a minute to place her. The two of you trade video links and talk excitedly about Parks & Rec for the rest of the afternoon. She gives you her phone number “just in case you ever need to get a hold of me after work or on the weekends. I’m usually around.”

That evening, you receive a friend request from her. You accept it.

August 17th

The two of you spend at least an hour talking about how hungry you are and sending each other pictures of sandwiches you found on Tumblr.

At 11:43, she fails to respond to your chat “hey do you want to get lunch in a few.”

At 12:29, you see her with a group of people your own age who work in the same department outside of a popular deli down the street from the office. They all have sandwiches. You politely say “hi” as you make your way into the deli, where you order alone. You eat your sandwich in your car.

October 23rd

“What are you doing for Halloween???” she asks as soon as you log in that morning.

November 1st

She has uploaded a photo album to Facebook titled “Halloween Craziness.” At least seven of your coworkers are tagged in it. You are not. You had a perfectly pleasant Halloween night — you went to a party, too, with real friends, not just office friends — but find yourself irritated nonetheless.

December 12th

She offers you a ride to the office Christmas party, then changes her status to Away when you respond. When you walk over to her desk. she has already left.

March 3rd

She keeps you laughing all through a three-hour sales meeting by sending you Gchats about unhappy cats, then says during lunch “Guys, I know these meetings can be really hard to get through, but we’ve been getting some complaints from the Ohio office that there’s a lot of talking and laughing going on in the background of these conference calls, and that’s really inappropriate.”

April 28th

You look through your Gchat logs to find her phone number, then text her just after 5:30 to confirm that you’ll be carpooling to a company dinner together later that week. “Who is this,” she texts back. After you tell her your name, she never responds. You do carpool together, but you never try to text her again.

Several weeks after you leave the company

She has unfriended you on Facebook, but periodically forwards you links about Google-news-alert-generated articles about your former employer, and always wishes you a happy birthday on Gchat. You never see her in person again.