Conversations in Salad Match -The Toast

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Salad Match: A New Dating App Brought to you by Just Salad

“We made you lunch, Now let us make you…fall in love.”


“I love Salad Match because it combines the two things I love: salad and meeting new people.” – Jayne, 28, Hoboken.

“I knew I wanted a relationship, but I just don’t have time to meet people. But Salad Match was able to make a complete profile for me within minutes, and on my first day, I met my soul mate!” -A Carrot, age unknown.

“Wait, is this for food or for humans?” – Craig, 31, Manhattan

People are getting matched up faster than you can say, “Dressing on the side!” Let’s take a peek at some of the exciting match-ups that are happening in your area right now:

Tania & Steven:

“omg how much do you hate eating?”

“i hate it.”

“i…think i love you.”


“sorry i was talking to my spinach.”


Jake & Lindsay:

“wait, did you say you like the balsamic? i’m actually busy this thursday”

“i thought we were hanging out?”

(signs off)


Sam & Patrick:

“hey i saw you put corn in your salad. where else do you put corn?”


John & James:

a/s/d (age/sex/dressing)



Christina & Kyle:

“Listen, I’m looking for more than Just Salad.”

“Me too.  Are those croutons?”

“You’re sick.”


Charles & Jess:

“I love the salads here, but they’re so expensive!”

“No they aren’t.”


Amanda & Nick:

“Describe your perfect salad.”

“Mixed greens, grilled chicken, feta cheese, kalamata olives…”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Are you…Greek?”

“I…thought you knew.”


Dave & Carla:

“Meet me at the Union Square location. Bring a fork…and nothing else.”


Matt & Meredith:

“How great is this reusable bowl?”

“Um, it’s OK, I guess.”

“It’s not just ‘OK.’ It’s like, what this whole thing is all about.”

“What are you talking about? It’s about salads. And sex.”

“NO! It’s about having fun, and saving the planet.”

“Having fun?”



Danny & Lee:

“I prefer sandwiches”

“You’re probably looking for Grindr”


John & Karin:

“Could I get tomatoes, carrots, cucumbers, grilled chicken, corn–”

“Wait, are you placing an order?”


“This is a dating app.”

“But I’m hungry.”


Keith & Cheryl:

“Hey, I saw that you’re from Long Island. What town?”


“Oh, weird. Me too. What street did you grow up on?”

“Rose Lane. I still live here.”

“…what? Who is this?”

“Cheryl Greenberg.”

“Ugh, MOM!!!”


Aaron & Ali:

“It’s just that, sometimes, I think I want more than…just a salad, you know?”

“Some locations have frozen yogurt!”



Adam & Rachel:

“I like getting my salad with grilled shrimp.”

“Oh, so you don’t want to raise our children in a kosher household???”


Kyle & Mark:

“Tell me about your fantasy salad.”

“It has spinach, and pears, and bleu cheese, and pecans.”

“Oh that’s hot!”


Billy & Ashley:

“Have you ever mixed the different greens options together?”

“I can’t believe you would ask that. We haven’t even met.”

Alyssa Wolff and Alison Leiby are stand-up comedians and writers who recently published the ebook Lean Over: Women, Work, and Women’s Work, a parody of Sheryl Sandberg’s feminist tome Lean In. The parody was recently featured on Page Six of The New York Post, in Fast Company Magazine, and on They are best friends.

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