Nicole and Mallory in California

by Nicole and Mallory · November 4, 2013

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From left to right: Nicole Cliffe, Baby Cliffe, Self, Sister of Self Laura Ortberg Turner (colloquially known as The Moose, for reasons that have been lost to time). Pictured in background: a great deal of Klondike bars, as this selfie was taken at the frozen novelties aisle at Target.

This is Nicole’s first time visiting the Ortberg central offices in California and thus far things have gone swimmingly. Nicole and Mallory’s dad bonded over their mutual and extremely specific love for Norman MacLean’s Young Men and Fire. Together we watched the first 50 minutes of the profoundly excellent Libeled Lady before retiring at 9pm (the final 50 minutes were put off for later, due to reasons of sleepiness). Together we threw the yellow dog Baxter in the pool, to the amusement of all.

Tonight — most thrillingly of all — we are going to meet some of you, our very own readers, for the first time. Here is the open thread with the specifics. For those of you too lazy to click (or who are perhaps trapped under something heavy), we will be convening from 7 to 9 pm at the Thieves’ Tavern in the Mission. It is just off of BART and very low-key, which is important because if one were to draw a graph of Toast demographics, the majority of the dots would fall in the “More Cozy/Anxiety-Prone” quadrant. Come by, even if it’s just for a few minutes, and say hello to one another. It’s going to be a lovely time; I am delightful.

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Nicole and Mallory

Nicole and Mallory

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81 Comments

  2. granny squares +9

    Is it okay to come if this is, oh, I don’t know, one’s second comment on The Toast?

    (I lurk.)

    2. alejoalene +4

      I’m a giant lurker (this could be my 3rd comment?), but I am trying to convince myself to go, so you should just go, too, in lurker solidarity.

  3. Es_Petal +16

    I am both trapped under something heavy (well, a cat), and on a different continent but have a lovely time everyone!

    2. The_SkyGirl +21

      In our house, that is known as “being encatted” and is grounds for getting out of doing anything which might disturb said cat.

  4. highjump +42

    The East Coast registers their objections and requests a similar meetup. Low key bar. Accessible by train. All fine ladies pictured here participating.

      1. highjump +16

        DC would be preferable but I would go anywhere on the NE Regional to meet Mallory and Nicole. Not to mention Baby Cliffe and Laura who also seem cool.

      1. highjump +4

        I know but Nicole went to college on the east coast and lived in New York? Maybe she is visiting people here and also you come? For…reasons? But this is just my initial bargaining position! If we join forces with the Chicago caucus below would we have enough delegates to entice you into the central time zone?

        1. highjump +5

          Upon review, Twin Cities seems to have the greater number of upvotes. I would be super into that, as I am from the great state of MN thus alleviating the “What even are these beers?!” anxiety of new bars.

  5. bluewindgirl +7

    Ahhhh please go on tour, Mallory! Los Angeles has… well, mostly nail salons, but also other things!

  8. haleycrain +9

    I keep missing these threads until they’re too old for anyone to see my comments but I’m jumping in near the top this time!!:

    TWIN CITIES. What up? Wanna meet up? I’m down if you’re down.

  9. Haley_Crain

    I keep missing these threads until they're too old for anyone to see my comments but I'm jumping in near the top this time!!:

    TWIN CITIES. What up? Wanna meet up? I'm down if you're down.

  15. RubeksCube +37

    I read that as “covening” not “convening” and thought it was highly appropriate.

  17. thebellewitch +2

    Young Men and Fire! Why do I not still live in California so I could join this Norman MacLean appreciation society? Am I the only one who was confused about the part about the deer’s nervous system getting dumped into its bloodstream? (I think that was the wording; it’s been a few years.)

    OK, off to listen to Cold Missouri Waters. Everyone have fun at the meet-up!

  18. bgprincipessa +16

    Mallory’s hair is once again perfect, and she will probably try to tell us she was out in the windblown bay air or some such. Everyone else’s hair seems lovely as well, Baby Cliffe included, but hers takes front and center stage.

    And just to chime in: East Coast!! c’mon.

  19. LaughableWalrus +4

    So sad; I’ll be so closed and yet SO FAR. In SF for work, and I thought I’d be able to come – and then my family had the absolute TEMERITY to make dinner plans for that time. I’ll think some misandrist thoughts in your honor!

  21. msjinxie +8

    Wheeeeeeee! I’m so excited! Ladies, I will try not to get all creepy fan girl on you tonight. I will try, though I make no promises. (I may also just sit there staring at you both in quiet adoration for an hour or so.)

  23. Pwickup +7

    In my family “delightful” when ascribed to a human being means “drunk.” I hope this is true for at least some of the meetup. So sorry to miss–joining the chorus of East Coast want-to-attend-ees!!

  24. figwiggin +3

    I assume Nicole’s baby (my name-mate) won’t be at the bar–what a shame, I could pass on some Amelia-specific knowledge to her.

    1. figwiggin +3

      Ah, well, I’ll be there anyway, possibly even on time if traffic over the Altamont and then BART are cooperative.

      1. figwiggin +3

        Although I may flail around a bit, since I can count the number of times I’ve been to bars in my life on both hands. (I’m not counting the infinite number of times I accompanied my parents to the local Moose Lodge as a child since I just sat in the banquet room and read or played pinball and wasn’t expected to know things about how bars work.)

        1. deleted9457019 +7

          I would read the hell out of a piece about your childhood experiences at the Moose Lodge.

          1. figwiggin +1

            Huh! I would never have expected anyone to be interested in that, considering how little interest I had in it myself at the time. I will think on this!

          2. Brunhildenburg +1

            I waited tables when my dad volunteer cooked breakfast once a month at the Moose Lodge! I was probably 10-12 years old. This was also the all important period of my life when I learned how to play pool.

  26. dovercoloringbooks +3

    Oh god, right after I move from San Francisco to San Diego! Toast meetups SD? If you enjoy beer, slow jogging, pugs, new motherhood, all, or none, let me know.

  27. ipomoea +2

    O Seattle Toasties, I am becoming engorged with child but LET ME PRETEND TO BE A DRINKING ADULT IN A BAR WITH Y’ALL. Is there a Facebook group or something?

      1. ipomoea +1

        I tried to start one but starting a group requires adding someone and the only toastie I know is in the bay area… WAIT NO.

        It’s under Seattle Toasties.

  28. toastbartender +5

    whatever. the bartender is not jealous at all. nope. not even a little bit. gonna drink my blue moon now. 12 of them.

      1. toastbartender +2

        that came across gruffer than intended. i hope you experience great joy in sf, toasties. great joy.

  29. curious +3

    Important Question: are dudes allowed or is this a ladies-only affair? Asking for, uh, a friend.

  30. Stephanie +9

    MALLORY YOU ARE LAURA ORTBERG TURNER’S SISTER MY MIND IS BLOWN. BLOWN.

    I have been reading and loving you since I ran into your writing on The Hairpin. I have been reading and loving Laura since I ran into her writing on the Christianity Today blog Her.meneutics. I kind of suspect that I am the only one in The Toast’s regular audience that can claim this. That is all.

  34. Maggie +2

    LIBELED LADY! YES! An unknown gem. Have you thought for hours about how to update it for a remake (as I have)? Who would you cast?

  35. richardlittle +2

    I had a lovely time. For once, a meetup I want to go to wasn’t 3000 miles away.

    Just wanted to say that I think the above picture captures Mallory better than the one you are currently using, and it should be cropped and substituted.

  36. msjinxie +4

    Guys GUYS last night was so great. SO GREAT. Everyone was so funny and sweet and smart and pretty and you’re all such great huggers, too! The only downside was that spending 3 hours immersed in a pool of concentrated awesome lady energy made my period come early. (Swear to god.) You guys are magic.

  37. GigiAuLait +2

    I’m still grinning about how great last night was. And, I’m a lurker no more! Looking forward to being part of this lovely commentariat. (This is Didi, aka the early bird with the brussels sprouts and truffle mac.)

    1. NicoleCliffe +3

      Didi! Guys, she was the first person to show up, and at the end of the night I yelled down the street after her “YOU WERE MY FIRST!”